Working on some animation work! with  Envtoxic for just a bit here at good ol' https://picarto.tv/Axelshane
so come check it out and hang!

Also news and questions stuff:

---

Got a lot of new OC's made, bumping my original list of ocs from 43 -> 66, You guys interested in seeing their designs? Would love to hear feedback and stuff!
New OC's include
Beemoth, Blaze, Buckles, Elude, Ember, Felix, Gael, Garrick, Ivar, Junius, Kalos, Lycar, Moya, Nekon, Orson, Rascal, Reese, Trails, Uzreal, Virgil, Wulfgang, Xylus, Zhiv. (So many, thats like 23? Huzzah!)

Commissions slots are on the open! Will be doing a whole rebranding thing going on, on my profile soon. Mostly trying to take and do commissions since I reach a limit in finally creating OC's. gotta save up for my first visit with ENV and possibly Aussy in the future. <3

Stream updates!
Stream stuff is being updated, my first stream is just showing the basic of it, but I do plan on pumping it out with something cool, something better? It's hopefully gonna be tight! Would love to have you watch me grow into making it, maybe give feedback? I got ideas, planning on making some stuff for the bf's Aussy and Envy UWU so I'm pretty hyped on that stuff.

---

Salutations Nerdos! - I will be streaming art at https://picarto.tv/Axelshane

Will be streaming with Pals I hope! (Will keep this Journal updated!
Streaming with my friend  Envtoxic and hopefully finger's crossed  Domidark  Ausjamcian
(sorry pre-mature journal post!) Will be working on Commissions, and possible do some animation practice! Please feel free to join! - Much Love Axelshane!

Warning may contain sexual artwork not suitable for people below the age of 18. may also contain fetish artwork as well such as snuff, gore or even death. Please be advise when visiting the stream. Also have fun time! much love! ;D

Hello, I will be streaming art at https://picarto.tv/Axelshane

with my pals  Envtoxic and  domidark!
Be there or be Square!

Warning may contain sexual artwork not suitable for people below the age of 18. may also contain fetish artwork as well such as snuff, gore or even death. Please be advise when visiting the stream. Also have fun time! much love! ;D

Drawing the arts at https://picarto.tv/Axelshane
- Requests open! (Just mention in the chat on what you want uwu!)
** Does not Draw Females, Scat, Diapers or Cubs.

Hello I am streaming right now at: https://picarto.tv/Axelshane

---

Future Streaming Schedule would probably be
Sunday: 10pm - 3am Central Time Zone
Tuesdays: 10pm - 3am Central Time Zone
Fridays: 10pm - 3am Central Time Zone

---

I wanna draw porn of Pokemon, primarily male Gay pokemon, What five Pokemon should I draw porn of?

Gimme your list here and let's have a grand ol' time!

Can I ask you something? Do you ever feel regret with the people you have previously met over the years? Do you ever wonder if they think about you?, Remember you? Even still care about you?

No, I don't.

Lying?

... My regret is that the friendships didn't work out. I wish I was a perfect person, a perfect friend. Yet there is no such thing as perfection. People just come and go and, yes it hurts. It hurts a lot. I am haunted by the past. Faces and names of people I interacted, gone, all that is left is memories of once was. I wonder if they do remember me or care, but chasing the past only brings back sadness. They're gone. If they do remember me they can always reach me, but chances are they've moved on. It's honestly time I moved on myself. I know it hurts, hurts like the dickens, but there's no reason to go back to a "what once was" scenario. The world changes and you gotta adapt to it. It's over... It's time to wipe up the tears lad and press forward, one foot at a time. It's times to believe in yourself again. Time to rebuild, repair and move on. It's okay you got friends who care about you. It's alright now, maybe you'll be in safe hands again. If not we'll keep trying like we did before, and we'll do again. Till one day, we'll find that home, that family and finally be accepted who we truly art.

A dipshit?

"More like a disappointing supershit. Haha"

Previously there are 43 (including my fursona) personal characters I have, soon I'll be adding a few more!
44: Wulfgang (He's already been introduced here: www.furaffinity.net/view/46014531/
45: 〼〼〼〼 (Surprise hidden character. 🤫)
46: Beemoth (Art coming Soon.) Thanks for those who helped with refining his design. I really do appreciate your feedbacks!
47: Kalos (Art Coming Soon. Currently design being worked on.)
48: N/a
49: N/a
50: N/a

I'm still trying to decided what species I want to mess around with for the final three ocs. Ah ha!

:D Yay! Happy birthday to me! Huzzah

Productivity
It's shafted. Ha haha ugh...
But, all joking aside I have finally woke up. Ugh...
I got nothing planned. Ugh...
I might stream when I get out of bed. Ugh...
Check it out I guess... https://picarto.tv/Axelshane
Ugh.

What's the point anymore... I guess I'll in a few minutes... Ugh.

I got into a relationship this month, and it didn't even last 5 days. Lol

Feeling kinda heart broken so I thought I would write about it. I thought I would say something to break the ice with friend I told about, chances are they probably wouldn't notice this journal post, but it's okay. I feel pretty sad about the whole thing and I just wanted to get this off my chest since it stings pretty hard and I can't sleep. I think I'll be fine, this isn't my first break up rodeo so... I probably will stop drawing that person for awhile and go back to drawing my ocs.

I don't really regret the time we had with each other. I loved the dude, and it was great to give love once again even if it was short lived. I'm glad he allowed us to date too, it was fun drawing art of us. I took the time to write this stuff cause well I'm embarrassed, doing so many art on my dude and getting dumped kinda sorta sucks lol. Like major oof, I'm not mad at him even though he said I should be. I just wish I could of maybe been better? Oh well there's nothing to really mentally go over. I just wish my friend well, maybe we can try again next time, I'm always up for second chances.

Either way I wrote this journal because I thought I should let people know and cause my heartbreak is keeping me from sleeping. Pain is pain aye? Anyways thanks for your time on reading this. And to my ex, it's okay man. I'm not mad at you. I'm not going to be, I'm hurt... I'd sad, but I really do appreciate you giving me a chance to date and feel love again. It's been 4 years since I dated and it was really great while it lasted. After I have a good cry I still wanna be friends. Thanks again I really appreciated it.

I'll be taking an art upload hiatus for a bit.
Need to think things through... Sorry.
-
Thank you those that have followed me and been favoring and enjoying my art. I hope to upload soon, sorry for the inconvenience.

It's 15 days within January and I finally start writing a journal.

With the new years a foot I made a goal to myself that I would be more proactive with art in general and attempt to upload a piece of art each day. The value of that piece is debatible, but it's a passion project I wanted to do. For how I'm not certain, however I've been personally on the mark with the uploads so far. Being that I mostly been uploading telegram stickers I've made on the day.

I also want to start ripping off the bandage of what I am as an artist. So the question is what am I? What do I like to do or what exactly do I want to do? I want to start posting fetish style artwork from time to time. I think that's a bandage I want to rip off and be free with. I just don't personally know what or I want to do all this. Ah ha!

Either way happy new years everyone! I hope everyone is doing well.

... I don't even know what of stuff I really want to upload on my FA. I'm literally second guessing myself here. Ahhhhh

I'm now level 28 huzzah. Where should I put my talent point?

Happy New Years Everyone!

This month has already started crazy for me. Where do I begin? From the beginning of course.

So how front Fossett from outside was leaking and the only way to fix it was through my closet, which is crammed full of garbage. I finally got fed up with my father nagging me that I ripped everything out of my closet and we began the interesting process of repairing it. I say repairing because the fosset from the front shot outward leading into a massive leak which causes us to have water for atleast a day or so. Later evening to early morning. What fun. We manage to fix everything and boy was it a pain as we had to visit the hardware store a few times.

August 3rd is something of a heartbreak as my dog stewie (age 13) passed away due to constipation. It hurts my heart and it was so sudden to. I think what hurts me the most was hearing my father cry out during and after his death. He was my dad's best friend who helped him during the rough times in his life. It hurts me to see the pain my dad has to currently go through with the lost of his best friend. I personally miss stewie, even through I had my issues with the old man pug, I still loved him as family. He had his own uniqueness to him that I admire and will truly missed.

With stewies death I had to handle the furneral arrangements and also had to cancel an appointment with the vet for him. We were hoping to fix this growth that he had on his tail. Oh man... I miss that fucki ng dog. Damnit stewie even through you lived a good life I really wished you live longer, its just not the same without you.

Anyways heres my rants for August.

So earlier this morning my phone alerted me that in two days (May 8th) its going to be the first death anniversary of my mom. I mean I kinda knew it was going to pop really soon in the future, and I still exactly can't get a grips she's gone, y'know? Previously I started off with pure she was gone. I even told my dad that I had to mentally think she's at the hospital again, since at that time she just left the hospital and got kicked out of the recent Physical Therapy. It's weird because I never exactly hate my mom, over the last few years I had a huge disagreement with a lot of her actions. Some of it wasn't exactly bad per say, but the idealism of her treating my dad wrongly and doing things behind the family's back was just kinda frustrating along with just a lot of things. I kinda have to say that I... over the few years and problem even now I feel broken, my mom had always kinda been sick so a lot of things had been emotionally bottled up in some form, along with being ignored.

I kinda wanted to write a journal about this because I feel like there's just a lot of things to get off my chest, mentally. For started I have to clarify I don't hate my mother. I loved her a lot, she had a lot of good qualities as a person, just was shrouded with complications just any other person. A lot of the issues kinda relay with me on the mistreatment of my father in a form. I never really wanted this kind of faction war that she brought up and when I grew up and realize how she even used me as a form of trying to get back on my father it was also kinda fucked up mentally. However with that, like I said there were some amazing qualities that she had, she was a caring person, but I feel like a lot of issues lean towards her being (not diagnosed) somewhat bipolar. She had a lot of trust issues and I always personally pointed her up as being brought up as a young naive farm girl from the country. She at her time of life had told me about how she grew up on a farm in the Philippines and spoiled by her father. It was something that you once look into you kinda understand she is a spoiled brat going as adult. Not to under play her in a negative way, because while some parts of that is bad, some parts were really fun. She when given the chance loved watching anime, playing video games. She was huge animal crossing fanatic, I mean once she got into the game cube version of animal crossing, that console was gone and later on even the wii version of animal crossing, I never saw my wii again. It kinda pains me to play and run around the New animal crossing game now, just because I feel like she would of really loved the game.
( Takes a break crying )

Honestly, I feel kinda lost in feelings with all this. I try to not wrap my mind around my mother's saga, but it's been so long into it, it feels unavoidable in talking about it. I mean directly I feel sadden to learn about how things were going until it was too late. I mean I was there through a lot of it, 2016, being the worst year of it. That was at the time being when she came back from her trip from visiting her family in the Philippines. There was a lot of major outlying problems at that time, where everything went radio silent and trying to get a hold of my mother, but being redirected and called from cousins on my aunt side who don't even know what's going on themselves, only to find out my mom's diabetes made things worse and she had what at the time, my family doctor called a "parasitic infection" on her leg. There was a whole mess of just story there, watching how out of it she was and how she held off not telling us the situation. It's no surprise, because she tries to avoid a lot of the issues and act headstrong most of the time. I don't know I still have the image of her just out of it on the wheel chair. This all happened at night by the way, and on the following day we visit the family doctor we ended going to the emergency only to be told that she's gonna lose her leg and a few toes. It was a long year and having to watch and deal with all that was just emotional trama. I was there to hear the news, and tell me sister who at the time was at school all this.

Through that whole process it was a true strain on me mentally as I ended up being somewhat forced in the hospital everyday, it just kinda went down from there. Doctor's kept cutting off her toes and it was feeling no end. They had no idea what could be causing her to have heart problems, even through the pain pills she was taking was causing her to bloat up physically and they never really gave her anything to fix that. I think the only reason she kinda stopped having that heart problem was cause my dad gave her something to relieve that bloat in her stomach. Even through all that, she manage to get better, I wish during that time we didn't lose our dog (my mothers dog) hunter, but I guess there was no end to the pain.

When she finally got home, we had to deal with a lot of e-vac and nurses cleaning her wounds. Personally in the end I remember my dad being really good with changing and fixing her wound. It was just a whole weird process to go through on that. I still remember helping on all that with my dad, changing the bandages and going on with him to take my mom to the doctor and all that. Years kinda stabilized through all that, ups and downs as my mom resisted being taken care of in a healthier way, going through a mentality of "You gotta live life to the fullest". Which I guess isn't bad if you weren't a hard diabetic, with heart problems and kidney problems. She later had gout issues on her hand, and I remember how much in pain she had with that. Honestly it was just painful watching her deal with this as her child. I admired my mom, even throughout her faults she was a loving and caring mother. Just not a loving caring wife.

2018-2019 faults
Around this year things kinda went bad for me mentally, I had a messy breakup and walked around from a lot of people. It didn't even matter, half those people kinda walked away from me. This all happened around the end of 2018 and on the start of the new year it was just the start of an exile. Needless to say it didn't turn out well after my father's birthday in march. I didn't even know it would be my final birthday with my mom that year too back in February. At that time I look back in regret as I was so full of anger and rage against my mother, I blamed her for a lot of my mental problems and the reason why I was suffering mentally causing the strain of the previous relationship towards my friends and ex. I realize now that, through all that... it was just plain stupid. All I can say was that she wasn't looking so well in her final years and when we had to rush her into the emergency because of issues with her blood. I through we would be going through another 2016 issue. A year of spending day after day in the hospital, and being called to do minor tasks on the fly. Needless to say I think everyone was pretty tired at this point, but I was also just so blinded to realize things. I'm just filled with true regret, allowing myself to be consumed by a rage that seem so... misdirected. My time at the hospital through wasn't quite so well, my mom caused quite a drama spree to happen, one day she was getting kicked out, but it was all a misunderstanding. It was a mess. I think through out the whole situation my mother went through a lot of medical procedures. This includes kidney issues, heart problems and the lost of her other leg. Gosh the other leg problem was such a conflict. My mother and me butted heads at the time, and she refused to remove her leg because of "me" it was just bs and she tried to get under my skin. I think what really frustrated me about the whole situation was my sister, the pride and joy of my other would rarely visit her while I personally had to just go every day in hopes to give my father mental support. Frustration, at the least.

( Bear with me on this part, it's early in the morning and my dad just woke up)
So I don't know when what happened, but after some surgery my mother had problems moving and after her second leg removal she was sent to physical therapy, where she had major issues in moving. Like she could move, but mentally she wasn't able it atleast. We chalked it up as her being lazy and wanting attention or something, but either way she was leg go from the physical therapy and we were left into taking care of her. We were assigned to take her to dialysis due to her failed kidneys (I didn't really know at the time her kidneys failed or how bad things really were. I knew she was suffering a lot, but I let my anger blind me with her. When I look back on the whole thing... I just. Well it was mentally rough just thinking about how out of it she was at times. During the short time she was at the house because of the lack of movement we had to flip her, turning her through the night. She was forced to sleep on the couch since at the time it would of been rough for us to move her in and out from the bedroom to the car for her dialysis which at the time was on Monday, Wednesday and Friday? (my memory is failing me, please forgive) It was a mess, at the time we were working towards getting her, her own personal dialysis machine and probably a new couch for better resting. There was also work for trying to get her a few other stuff to make things easy. However that never happened due to her passing.

On the day of her passing she just came back from dialysis and it felt like it would be a normal day. y'know? I tucked her in for her nap and I remember looking at her before just moving on for that day, waiting for the night to happen, where we would have to flip her every 30 minutes through the whole night. Well when my dad woke up around 7pm, my mom was breathing at the time... I... it was a whole mess that I honestly don't really want to relive on again. Sorry.

Sorry for this lengthy journal, but I wanted to get somethings off my chest.

... I'm back from hiatus. Hello!

I'm done, I think its best that I take a long break from the fandom for awhile. I'm just not mentally feeling well and I'm just not into it as much as I want to anymore without just being completely depressed and stuff. It's best if I just disappear for awhile until I get my feelings together.

It's been fun.

Yay! Happy Birthday to me <3 <3 <3

On May 8th, I decided to take a lengthy break from my art posting sites. Some art sites I've neglected for awhile such as DeviantArt, or Weasyl while keeping my FA on tabs. However I wasn't mentally well or stable during my time on FA due to just life issues.

I'm coming back through and this time I'll be testing out some stuff such as mass posting through Postybirb and try to keep everything updated. Anyways I'll be posting some artwork soon. Hopefully I'll try to set up a nice Queue of Artwork I've done while I was gone. I don't personally know what artwork I have or have not posted so I'll be doing some research and cycling my work through.

Anyways I'm back I guess!

Posted using PostyBirb

May 8th 8:34pm my mom has died. Rest in peace mom, I love you. You may be a pain in the ass, but I still loved you to the very end.

I'm trying to avoid FA... a lot of painful memories, stupid mistakes and just all around ... I just don't know anymore. I'm just a wreck at the moment.

News on my mother: she got the surgery, but has been all out hell for my family. After going from the hospital to physical rehab, she managed to get kicked out of rehab due to her ability to just not do anything. They ended up dropping the burden onto us and we're stuck with a person that just sits there, demands day and night to feed her, medicate her and turn her... while mentally breaking us. I just don't think I can mentally handle anything anymore.... I... I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so mentally tired... I just wish it would just all end. Having to be mentally abused by her, watching my family mentally and physically suffer.

I don't know what to say... I've just given up. I'm mentally broken and I guess I'm sorry? I don't know... I can't ever be happy. Oh god there's nothing left me for me here and I'm so fucking tired... and she comes home at 4 from her dialysis and the hell is just gonna start again. the "turn me here" and "turn me there" and "lift me up". Every hour, everyday. The mental abuse she does with your empathy is terrible. No wonder why I am so fucking crazy... why I always wanted to disappear from reality and acted so clingy... I have a literal fucking devil to live with. I have no one to talk to, I was raised to trust no one because of her.... she a fucking lying bitch that drains everyone's happiness. It just never ends.

Better yet, I can never recover from the friendships and relationships I lost... I asked myself why did I do the things I've done... I realize now. My life, my insecurities came from my mother. The manipulation breed from her lies and devilish ways of trying to controls us... to break my family apart for her own wants and entertainment. her ways of trying to control people and I fell over and over from that. I just wasn't strong enough to realize it. To fix the issues before it was to late... and in the end I hurt someone I cared about because of her... my insecurities, my happiness, taken away, ripped apart because I allowed that bitch to dig her talons into me... to tear my mentality apart... and now I have nothing... no one. Just myself in living hell.

I have nothing but my ashes.. my pain... I'm going to die here. I'm so sorry to the people I hurt. I wish I was a better person.

Mem's 132 / Mem's 133 are accidental repeats in scrap, so I'm removing them and replacing them with different memories.

I've been busy lately visiting my mother in the hospital. My mother puts such a mental strain on me and my family. For years now she treated us like shit, people only to serve and entertain her. She never takes care of herself and after losing her foot and four toes due to an incident caused by her type-2 diabetes, she managed to land herself back into the hospital. This time she has to get another surgery in which she has to remove her other foot due to infection. She's refusing the operation, not because of financial issues, but because shes a stubborn woman who just doesn't care about no one, but her wants and desires. Those wants and desires are nothing more but to be a spoiled brat.

I'm sick of visiting her everyday in the hospital, just to get shit on by that bitch. Its 2015-2016 all over again. Where we become nothing more then servants to her. Most families would visit their family member to encourage them, see how they are going! No... we visit her and are put to work in being her nurse. Taking care of her needs and getting belittled by her... she manipulates us and just the lies she does. Its sickening. I'm so mentally tired... and to think... she'll be coming home soon. I've been hoping for years she would change... she would be different, but I've given up. There's nothing redeeming about her. Given the chance, she would of abandon me and my sister like she did her last children. I'm just so tired...

Forgive me for the Spam. For those effected by my scraps spam! I'm sorry! I really want to apologize for that!

Also I hope you guys enjoy some of my old artwork I've done over the years! I don't know if you want to see more or not, but I plan on uploading whatever I can, If you have any advice on time periods I should upload my art feel free to share or if you have any opinions about my old artwork or current artwork, I'm interested in hearing about them!

- Much Love, Axelshane