Feeling better on a day to day basis. Loneliness still creeps up on me and kicks me down but i shake it off after a bit. Cant let myself dwell on it or it will consume me and almost kill me. I'm doing better and understand that things happen for a reason and nothing can be rushed in life. Someone is out there for me and hopefully one day i will meet her and be the one for each other. Until then I will just try to keep going and live life.

I just can't beat this depression this time it seems. It's been a month straight that it has been a daily thing and it starting to mess with my daily functions. I'm tired of having to hide behind a fake face and telling everyone that I am alright all the time. I'm not, medication is doing nothing even with increased doses or different ones. I need something to give, for it to stop and leave me alone for a good while.

trying to get back into drawing but now with anthro of course. I used to draw anime but haven't drawn in years, any good tutorials or starting point to get myself out of drawing anthro like anime characters.

What might be a good way to meet fur girls if I work a crazy schedule. How to eventually ask a girl on a date, what to do that isnt cheesy. Lets just say I really dont have any experience which seems kinda sad coming from someone who is 26.

Worst time to have a complete emotional breakdown is when your driving home from work at 11pm. That is what I just had to deal with for myself. I feel like a useless pile of crap no better than that the salt of the earth. Heck the medication I am taking isnt even doing anything except make it worse. I just want to make it through the night...

New medication. Maybe I can feel like im worth a damn again instead of feeling like shit and having to feel like I have to hide it. Thats right I hid I feel like shit 95% of the time because I dont need someone feeling sorry for me all the time.

I might as well go crawl in a hole and die from this minute forward. eight years single with no girl that has a shared interest encountered. shit jobs with shit pay. people who just dont want to talk to me unless i contact them and they seem to talk under obligation...., im just gonna go die now.

Ive been with the fandom for a few years now and have enjoyed it all so far. With my time in it I have questioned many things about myself and many I am still trying to see if they are true or not. Nothing bad is with these questions but they are hard for me because of how they clash with my conservative upbringing. If you know any of these questions I am asking myself then I have told you but if you don't them I might tell you in time.

So I have the next two months off for summer break from work, so if anyone wants to hang out I'm free for just about whatever.

Nothing much new here, come back later.

Only thing I can say I really had fun doing was the security work, other than that I kinda felt left out of everything else. had to eat by myself and basically everything else at the con I did by myself. So basically the security was fun, and everything else kinda sucked doing it by myself...

Gonna try to make some ear hats to see how they come out, if they look good I might try to make some to sell.

Would anyone want to go see the Lego movie with me?!? Was thinking about going Saturday.

I have the next two weeks off from work ( yaay working in a school). If anyone wants to hang out at some point send a reply or note.

I feel like I need to draw again, haven't done so really since I graduated back in 07. I think that doing this will help me out by giving me something to do besides just browsing the web endlessly and give me some inspiration. So if any of my friends want me to attempt something as long as it is clean I will try to give it a shot.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you fluffy butts, have a good one today!!! Be full and merry.

~~ Step 1 ~~
Make a post in your journal containing your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple to really big. The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

If you wish for real-life things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where folks could get in touch with you.

~~ Step 2 ~~
Surf around other lists to see who has posted their list. If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream for free--do it. You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy.

Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call. There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached.

Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special!

~~ Step 3 ~~
The List
- simple character art

- fursuit head bases/fursuit parts - basic fox or fennec. something to learn with

- hats

- go pro camera for conventions

- scrap open cell foam for head construction

- books a million gift card

- dremel tool bits

- something interesting



THE BIG TWO

- A relationship, i know that one is a stretch and not a gift it is just something wishful on my part.

- attend a fur con out of state