To them who have ordered comissions or requestes from me, I'm sorry. I have to push all of them off my mind now. I will draw and make everything what you have asked from me, but not now. I have so much thinking just now, and when I need to think comissions too.. I feel like my whole head is exploding. Too much for me just now. Please, wait two weeks, or a month, and then ask me again. I need some rest off all responsibles. (if I writed it right..) You know what I mean.
I'm sorry. I will draw later.

Why there is no-one who would say to me "don't worry, I'll be here"?

My heart whispers, begs, screams..

"Go away.
Go away from my life, from my toughts.
Dig your way off from my heart finally.
Don't come to me anymore, I don't need you.
I don't want you close to me.
I hate you. Go away.
Stay away from me.
Don't talk to me like I'll be your friend, like everything would be like before.
I don't want to be friends anymore.
I don't want.
GO AWAY FROM MY LIFE!
Get the hell out from me!
Die away so I don't need to look you anymore!
Go to hell from my area!
Go away from my dreams, toughts, memories!
Leave my dreams alone!
Leave my hopes alone!
Let go off me!
Let me go!
Fuck you're own life so you can feel that pain what I feeled!
Hope that bitch hurt you like you hurted me!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!

GO AWAY! FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF AND TAKE ALL THINGS WHAT REMINDS OF YOU WITH YOU!

I don't need you. I don't want you to close to me. I don't miss you.
I dont need you."

And it won't stop crying.

I really have thinked that I'm depressed again.
For fuck's sake. Do not want.

I need to go somewhere. To psychologist or something.

Help.

Christmas.

*sigh*

So weird without that who were mine.

I have been singing christmas-songs, driving around everywhere, seen my sisters and bro, wrapping gifts, baking and trying to be much happy I can be.

Still, I don't know, why I am celebrating christmas this year.
Before this I have been happyhappy-joyjoy all years, but now..
Like, I'm just waiting to get back Tampere to my home, and waiting for regular weeks at theather and people over there. Waking up mornings, feeding my cats, watching Friends at 8 pm everynight.

There is too much people around me, to who I need to pretend something Im not.
Too much eyes watching over me.
When I'm home all alone, I don't need to think, if I'm doing something wrong right now. What others are thinking of me.

And birthday.. My gosh I'm afraiding that. I don't want people to remember me, 'cause I have so much bad memories of birthdays. I don't deserve anything fron anyone.
I think I just lock myself to home, put my phone and computer down and get drunk.
Yea, that sounds like a plan.

Well, however, merry christmas to all who can enjoy it fully. Take my piece of this party too. o/

Thank you all watchers and favoriters! Finally I got 1000 pageviews! Love you all <3

*sings a little fanfar*

Some celebration art will come ^__^

Thanks you and good night!

10 to 1000!

WARNING! May got some angsty-colored text.

I have thinked alot of stuff.
Everything of my life.

And I'm quite happy about now. I have nice apartment, some good friends, and place where spend days.
Still.. Something is missing. All the time.
Something is ripping my heart to little pieces.
Fuck this shit, again. I should be happy what I got. I should be freaking happy!

...

I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life. To who I'm living this?
And fuck, how much I afraid of death. I don't wanna die. Never. I don't want that anyone else dies, too. I want all to stay with me forever.
I want all things stay like this..

I have friends, good one's. Still I feel that I can't speak to anyone. I want to speak to just for one, but he does'nt need to listen me anymore.
I just.. don't want to talk to anyone else. If someone comes to ask that are you ok, I'm going behind my scene and just say that everything is ok, I will take care.

I will be ok. Like always..

...

Fuck, how broken I'm again.
And now there is nobody who would stitch me together.

*sigh*
I'm quite happy. I'm now friends again with someone, and it feels like rock is rolled off my heart. He does not hate me..
Still, why I feel myself so lonely..
So, hm.. Lefted alone.
I don't want this..
Still I can't, or even want to talk with anyone about it.

I want him back..
More than anything else.
Fuck this shit..

I would to anything.
I'm trying to change.
I hope that someday.. I'll be with him again..

*siiigh*

Ja jumala näki, ettei ketään kiinnostanut.

And God saw, that no-one is interested.

Fuck this shit.

Not saying anything else.

Helvetti, kirjoitetaan sitten ensimmäinen angstipostaus tännekin. Ja kas kummaa, suomeksi.

Vitun perseestä. En halua olla yksin.
Mutta en halua olla kenenkään muunkaan kanssa.
Inhottaa ajatellakin.

Miksi helvetissä minä en voi kelvata näin?
Mitä minä tein taas väärin..
Ja miten voin korjata väärinmenneet asiat..

Yrittänyt miettiä että pitäis opetella elämään yksin.
Olemaan ihan omillaan.
Mutta kun en halua..
En halua olla yksin..

Ja olen sen verran sisällepäin sulkeutunut, etten uskalla mennä ihmisille puhumaan ns. tärkeistä asioista, kun ei niitä kuitenkaan kiinnosta. Ei ole koskaan kiinnostanut, eikä tule kiinnostamaan. Sanokaa vaan angstaukseksi, tähän tulokseen olen tullut näiden vuosien aikana, kun on edes ollut ihmisiä ympärillä. Jos ei minun kirjoituksista pidä, niin niitä ei tarvitse lukea.

Ei ketään oikeasti kiinnosta, joten miksi avautuisin.
Kyllä minä pärjään, helvetti. En tarvitse ketään ympärilleni, rakennan muurini takaisin niin ei tarvitse kenenkään katsoa perään.

He, tulee mieleen oma runonpätkäni vuosien takaa. "Älä pelkää elämää, älä tartu terään" Sanovat vain, eikä kukaan katso perään.

Eikä enää tarvitsekaan. Pysyn vahvempana ilman muita.
Ainakin tahdon. Kenenkään ei tarvitse huolehtia perään.
Pakenen takaisin kulissieni taakse, jonka rakensin monia, monia vuosia sitten, enkä tule koskaan enää pois sieltä.

Eipähän pääse enää kukaan satuttamaan.
En halua itkeä enää kenenkään takia, saatana.
En halua viettää iltojani yksin itkien ja miettien että mitä minä taas tein väärin, miksi olen niin huono.
EN.

Älkää tulko minulle enää.

Tekken 6 is coming.


....


*jumps and shakes*

New Jin is there. All new things are coming.

Im gonna die then, because I need to use like 70 euros to that game. And still have to go play at  finbabyfur's home, because I don't have PS3.

Be released already!

I have been listening tonight The Soul's Shiroi Machi-named song, and I haven't find any lyrics to it.. Even google does'nt know.

Band is not so popular yet, atleast not europe. I found them website, but it was full of kanji's, and I needed to use google translator to have even a little information. Finally I found an emailadress, and I asked them If they could send me some lyrics, so I can sing that song, and know what words means...

And what is funniest, I found this song from Nokia Music store. :P

But, I hope I got some answer... That song sounds so beautiful.
<3

YES OR NO.

NO EXPLANATIONS UNLESS SOMEONE COMMENTS AND ASKS.

THESE ARE THE RULES.

Kissed any one of your Furaffinity friends? — Yes.
Been arrested? — No.
Kissed someone you didn't like? — Yes
Slept in until 5 PM? -- Yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? — Yes
Held a snake? — No
Ran a red light? — Yes
Been suspended from school? — No
Experienced love at first sight? — Yes
Totaled your car in an accident? — No
Been fired from a job? — Yes
Fired somebody? — No
Sung karaoke? — YEEESSSSSS
Pointed a gun at someone? — No
Did something you told yourself you wouldn't? — Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? — No
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? — Yes
Kissed in the rain? — No
Had a close brush with death (your own)? — No
Saw someone die? — No
Played Spin-the-Bottle? — Yes
Smoked a cigar? — No
Sat on a rooftop? — Yes
Smuggled something into another country? — No
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? -- No
Broken a bone? — No
Skipped school? — Yes
Eaten a bug? — No
Sleepwalked? — No
Walked on a moonlit beach? — No
Ridden a motorcycle? — Yes
Dumped someone? — No
Forgotten your anniversary? — No
Lied to avoid a ticket? — Yes
Ridden in a helicopter? — No
Shaved your head? — No
Blacked out from drinking? — No
Played a prank on someone? — No
Hit a home run? — No
Felt like killing someone? — No
Cross-dressed? — Yes
Been falling-down drunk? — Yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? — Yes
Eaten snake? — No
Marched/Protested? — No
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? — No
Puked on an amusement ride? — No
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? — No
Knitted? — Yes
Been on TV? — No
Shot a gun? — No
Skinny-dipped? — dontknowwhatmeans
Given someone stitches? — No
Eaten a whole habenero pepper? — No
Ridden a surfboard? — No
Drunk straight from a liquor bottle? — Yes
Had surgery? — No
Streaked? — Dunno
Been taken by ambulance to a hospital? — No
Tripped on mushrooms? — No
Passed out when NOT drinking? — No
Peed on a bush? — Yes
Donated Blood? — No
Grabbed electric fence? — Yes
Eaten alligator meat? — No
Eaten cheesecake? — No
Killed an animal when not hunting? — No
Peed your pants in public? — No
Snuck into a movie without paying? — No
Written graffiti? — Yes
Still love someone you shouldn't? — Have been
Think about the future? — Yes
Been in handcuffs? — ..... Somehow yes
Believe in love? — Yes.
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? — Yes

500 pageviews! Thankyou to all ^_________^

400 pageviews! *hurrays*

Nobody knows.

Nobody will never know.

Im adversting now, that I'm starting to make comissions.

You know my style, and I can draw anything, what fits in it. I can try new styles and things, but I can't promise, that I will success.
I can draw from modelpicture.

I can use pencils, ink, oilcolours, acrylcolours and charchoal.

I can make sizes a5-a3, paper and paintsurface.

Prices are 3 € and up, depend on the materials ant tools.

example1: a5 size fullcolored oilcolor, one character, 25 €.

example2.: a4 size gray-scale pencilwork, one character, 5 €

Poke me if you are interested!

My heart is screaming for love. Pouncing in my chest, wanted to be hugged, wanted to hear pretty words from somebody, who I care..

Goddammit..

Write 25 things of you. I write finnish.

1. Masentaa taas vähän

2. Istun lattialla koneen ääressä

3. On kylmä.

4. Asun tampereella hienossa asunnossa eläinteni kanssa.

5. Mullon 2 kissaa

6. Ja jyrsijöitä

7. Ajattelen liikaa asioita.

8. Pidän sinisestä ja mustasta.

9. Odottelen yövierasta.

10. Pitäis raivata taas tavaroita,

11. Väsyttää ihan sikana.

12. Mullon harmaat silmät

13. Ja luonnonväri hiuksissa on vaaleanruskea.

14. Omistan öljyvärit, joilla pitäis alkaa taas vaihteeksi piirtää.

15. Viihdyin Traconissa, mutta nyt on yksinäistä.

16. En juo paljoa alkoholia, ja tunnun pärjäävän vähällä ruoalla.

17. Olen kouluttautunut puualan artesaaniksi, elikkäs puusepäksi.

18. Katson maailmaa eri kulmasta, näkökannalta kuin useimmat.

19. Pidän kaikenlaisista kissoista

20. Puvun välillä vähän sekavia.

21. Korvaan joskus ihmissuhteet Simssillä.

22. Tahtoisin juuri nyt olla jossain muualla.

23. Tarvitsisin uuden sohvan.

24. Olen 163 cm pitkä.

25. Ja piirrän omaksi huvikseni.

Oh gosh, it's so hard to write english. But I try my best.

Tracon is soon, and i need to finish that goddamn jacket before that. Today about 1500 friend will come to test it. I hope I will not hate olive green colour after this :D

Maybe tomorrow I'll go and buy vampire-teeths from Punanaamio, so my cat-costume will be finished. And some nailglue, i got black fake nails what I will cut sharp, like claws.

I hope I will enjoy Tracon. All the things I plan, are always ruined. If I dont plan to do anything, maybe there will be fun.

*sigh*