I'm absolutely done with being kind, with being nice. . with being around. .

Join me on April 22nd at 12:00 p.m. for an in-depth makeup tutorial where I'll be sharing my favorite tips and tricks to achieve my signature looks!!


hosting both on my YouTube and TikTok!!!

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8jgc9MG/

man. . . I think last night was one of the worst episodes I've experienced in a long while...

between the wildfires, the hurricane winds and having to change everything for my birthday..

just felt like everything I had planned for just went up in flames.. threw me into a deep depression because I wanted to go out with my family..

some birthday.. possibly needing to evacuate due to wildfires around with 70 mph winds...

had to change my dinner idea too to make it easier for the rest of the family. .

It's with a heavy heart to say but. . I will no longer be participating in making streams anymore on here or YouTube. .

If people honestly go out of their way to try to ruin somebody else's happiness and joy, especially with threatening to getting my account banned. . then it's obvious that the world is just too fucking toxic to handle anything..

I apologize for those who do enjoy what I do but I can't take it if it's gotten that far..

holy crap. . 15 more days till I turn 32

And what an eventful life I've lived thus far. . aside from my relationship I think the proudest thing I've accomplished is the nearly 11 years of hard work I put into my makeup skills!

you know what. . . I'm not ok, things are not fine. .

between this heater bullshit, the bills, the stress of my job, my relationship. . .

It's not ok. . THINGS ARE NOT FINE!!!

unbelievable... our heater went out again!! 3rd time when the cold weather kicks in.. I had such a fun idea for a look today but it's so cold to get out of the covers...

You are reading correctly!
Be sure to join me this Tuesday on Christmas Eve for a fun Christmas live stream makeup tutorial!!!

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8NgwSeP/

you know what's the worst thing about being a people pleaser. .

It's not when you try so hard to be nice, honest, and loving only to be looked over . . stepped on, or put on the back burner. . .


It's when you keep telling yourself it's fine. . it's ok. . just so you don't make anyone else upset. . .

Putting others before yourself. .

Super excited for my Livestream tomorrow!!

I can't wait!!

I'm done pretending... I'm done trying to hold it together. . . if I'm too negative for your liking then you never were a friend or a good person from the start. .

Don't act like you give a damn if you don't bother asking if I'm ok or you can't see the signs...

I'm done with trying to be a people pleaser and trying to make more friends. .

I'm sick of having my heart and my feelings twisted like its fuckin playdough. . .

there are some days... I just want to curl in a dark room.. and just cry, no reason behind it..

I'm just tired of trying to be happy so much.. but I feel like people would just leave me being negative...

*sighs heavily* There are so many ideas, so many looks I want to do so much...

But it feels like time and energy aren't on my side.. I guess that's the curse of being a conceptual artist, they're just so many things out there that spark an idea, But between the moving my job and everything else I just don't have enough time on my hands to execute everything that I want to..

Trying really hard to keep a strong smile...

My husband's dad was just rushed to the hospital... We're not sure he might make it through the day...


Please send thoughts and prayers for better...

So... my grandfather passed away last night...

total organ failure after being put into a coma...

Quite honestly I'm more upset with how my grandmother is feeling... I don't know how to process what she might be going through...

So.. for anyone who's noticed or not

I've mass deleted my pictures because of a lingering sense of not belonging

Whether it's furry art or not, it is my art but supposedly it just doesn't seem to belong

or I'm looking for validation in the wrong places..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Holy hell, 30 years old...

practically less than a week and I turn 30

Holy hell lol

So I went to the urgent care because of excruciating back pains and wooziness..


thankfully there weren't any signs of the flu or COVID in play, as well as urinary or kidney stones... most likely because of the back pains that cause a mini panic attack which exuberated the other symptoms of my sinus infection,

however it looks like I need to make some appointments about my back issues, wearing a brace for support and barely feel like moving..

I'm starting to piece a lot of my mentality back together and one of the big components that I'm just now realizing is I keep seeking so much appraisal from almost anyone that I come into contact with...

I'm living my life like an idiot thinking I need to hear others approval just to be happy when I need to learn to live my life as fun and authentic as I possibly can!!

I easily fall into that negative aspect of the fear of rejection or the feeling of rejection and it throws me into such a mental loop..

I love what I do I'm loving the life that I'm living and I'm not regretting a damn thing about it!

A while back I posted on the vent chat that I was a little scared about my 29th birthday coming up.. But honestly I can't wait, That's 29 years of amazing accomplishments in my life, The biggest being my relationship with my husband for 12 years, My 9 years of honing and practicing my craft and makeup, As well as meeting wonderful people whether it's in real life or online

*smiles a little setting out some coffee, hot chocolate and cake for anyone who wants it* I'm feeling a lot better today, Even though it's dark and yucky outside.. I'm not going to let that hold me down anymore

Hopefully everyone is good as well

I never knew how bad regret hits...

Its like getting hit by a truck..And it's not a pleasant feeling.. or place to be in...

Basically I regret not taking a position for a job I could have been happy with..

Yet I let my fears.. my insecurities get the best of me..

It's been far too long since I've started updating my journals on here!

It's been quite a few changes in my life since my minor and major breakdowns...

It's been going more in a very good positive incline, I'm starting to get back into the rhythm of actually enjoying to do my makeup, along with trying to be a little more connective with those who I've lost touch with as best as I can


along with that as well as getting rid of the toxic issues of my life as well