Signal boosting to help someone out
Posted 6 months agoHeya, so this may be out of the blue, but there's someone who's need some help with his living situation. Posting this here because the person holding this WG Drive's is getting desperate to help his best friend. Reason being that he's stuck with family that's not approving of who he is and well, is getting scared of what's going on in the country. Any and all help is greatly appreciated, no matter how much. Please, I'm doing what I can to help him out as best as I can right now.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58913046/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal...../#cid:61049209
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58913046/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal...../#cid:61049209
Might be away for a bit
Posted a year agoI know I don't talk here often but this is a rather disconcerting situation for me and can affect my livelihood. Recently, there's been some wildfires nearby where I live and while I'm safe for the moment, a change has happened in the last few days. One fire had suddenly surged overnight and not only merged with another but has gotten bad to the point to where I may be forced to evacuate. While the fire's a good distance from me, it's threatening the highway which it has been spreading alongside it and could force it to close. It hasn't yet, but the possibility's still there and as a result, my area's been given a evac alert. Alerts are more so a warning and the thing to make someone evacuate is a order, which I'm scared of it becoming. Technically speaking, I should be safe as there's grassland between us and the fire, alongside a downhill incline so it'd have a harder time spreading to us, but it's rather terrifying to be honest. I've always had a fear of losing everything and have been stressing over the last few days. I'll keep in touch with everyone as best I can, though I have made the decision to cancel any future streams until further notice and am looking at prepping a go back in case the alert gets turned into a order. But yeah, I hope everyone's okay and that you're all having a great day/night. Stay safe, and here's hoping that things improve at least.
Bit of a question for everyone
Posted a year agoHello Everyone, hope everyone’s okay! Though I did wanna say that I… I’ve been thiking on something. That being if I were to do gaming streams on Twitch, would anyone wanna watch and see? Reason why I say that is because I’ve been doing some streams on Twitch and YouTube, though haven’t mentioned it as things over on my end have gotten… busy. That and my mental health is in an odd state but I’m existing best I can. That said, I was thinking on streaming sometime in the future if anyone would like to come and join in on the fun. Alongside that, the streaming may not be permanent but would help as I’m not looking to be a big YouTuber or anything of the sort. But yeah, that’s all I got. Oh and I’ll be posting some art I got recently as well if I can. Reason why I can’t do so atm is because of a scheduled power outage that’s happening very soon. I’ll post them when the power comes back and that’s pretty much it. Still, hope everyone’s having a great day/night! ^^
It's my Birthday! ^^
Posted 2 years agoHeya everyone, been a while since I posted here but it's my Birthday! ^^ Been 24 years since I've been on this Earth and since then, been loving it. Alongside that, I went to my first ever fur con two weeks ago which was Howl-Oween 2023 and holy shit, it was fun! Was my first time in Vancouver and even though it was a bit crowded, I managed it pretty well alongside meeting new people from my province alongside those from the US and other provinces! But yeah, don't mind me, just gonna be existing as planetary fox who's currently eating a planet composed of cake for Birthday and yee! Anyways, hope yall have a great day/night and that this day's a good one! ^^
Kinda... need some help with something
Posted 2 years agoI know I haven't spoken on here for a while and that's because I've been busy with some things in life. One of which admittingly is planning to go to my first IRL con in November. And for reference, the con is Howl-oween. Reason why I'm bringing this up is because I was gonna be trying to go with a friend... only to discover that they don't know how to drive so they can't come and pick me up. I don't blame them, but it has left me a bit worried and not knowing what to do as I don't really know any other furries in the province aside from four. (Two who aren't going to Howl, one I kinda want to ask and the one who is doesn't know how to drive.) So, I was gonna ask if anyone who's going or at the very least, in the local area could help out. I'll gladly pay for any and all gas and promise to not cause any trouble. DM me in notes or on Discord if you're wanting to help or know a way to get to Vancouver. I'll greatly appreciate any and all help.
But yeah, I hope everyone's having a great day/night! ^^
But yeah, I hope everyone's having a great day/night! ^^
A late update/ And a memorial for a friend.
Posted 3 years agoHeya everyone! Sorry for the long time, been busy and had a rather shit last week along with something going down on Tuesday. Long story short about that day, I was mourning a friend who had passed the previous night. While I wasn't close with her, she was a very kind person and was someone who brought joy with her. But due to something she was born with, she couldn't speak at all. But that was no problem as she did her best to do what she could. Then she disappeared a few months ago, and at first, I thought she was busy with life... but then came the news. I was awake at 4 in the morning due to my insomnia and chatting with friends when I decided to check a server, I'm a part of. Then I saw the announcement... a friend of mine and the server admin had passed due to medical complications. Right now, I should be talking about what happened to me, but I won't. My friend was someone who was energetic, kindhearted, and did her best to see others or hang out. She was someone who deserved better and was dealt a bad hand. She had something that caused her great pain throughout her life... I pray she's free of it now and in a better place. Rest In Peace, Nixy. Even though our time was brief, I enjoyed the time we had together. I hope you're finally free of the pain, and that we meet again in another life.
I hope all of you have a good day/night, and that no matter what happens, you're not alone. There are people around you that care about you, and they want you to be safe and sound. To smile despite the sorrow that's happened, despite the temporary pain. Tomorrow is a new day, live it to the fullest best you can.
I hope all of you have a good day/night, and that no matter what happens, you're not alone. There are people around you that care about you, and they want you to be safe and sound. To smile despite the sorrow that's happened, despite the temporary pain. Tomorrow is a new day, live it to the fullest best you can.
Just venting.
Posted 3 years agoHeya everyone. I'm sorry if I haven't been posting as much as I should be or doing much on FA and there's a few reasons for that. One being that I never really get the time to do so, the other is that I'm a bit self conscious about my sketches and just think they suck, another is because of something to do with someone, but the main one for me somewhat has to do with my mental health. I know I've made some journals in the past about this, but now... it's hitting hard and I feel completely isolated when dealing with it nowadays. For a while now, I've suffered from depression, anxiety, loneliness, and autophobia (A fear of being isolated and alone.) and it's been a uphill battle that's been getting steeper every time it comes up. I've been dealing with my loneliness for a long time now, having started after constant moving with my family with us moving every six months or so due to circumstances and me being forced to say goodbye to my friends. It's... it's happened so often that it got to the point of me just afraid to connect to others just to lose them all over again. For the past 10 years, it's been like that for me, and as to why I didn't keep contact with them, I didn't have much as I didn't get a functional phone till I was 18 and the only computer we had was a iMac that died in April of 2017. That and the internet around those parts was shit, with one company even going as far as to limiting us to 100 GB of data before throttling us. Then comes the fact that me and my family are at odds with each other. Don't get the wrong idea, they aren't abusive but that doesn't mean that we're on good relations. Me and my dad for the most part haven't been on the best terms. While he's still married to my mom, he hasn't always been there for me as a supportive figure somewhat. It has changed a bit more in recent years but we're still on separate ground. As for me and my siblings, I'm good with my only younger brother but my sisters are a another story entirely. For reference, I'm the oldest in my family but despite that and me having mild autism, it didn't stop my sisters from destroying my confidence and whatever self esteem I had left. Some of them dislike me and see me as a lazy asshole, the other ones see me as a ticking timebomb due to my arguments with my second oldest sister. Adding onto that is the fact that I never had anyone in my family to play games with. I'd get a fancy game or something that needs more players. Being a loner, I usually went to my siblings or parents but they never had the time for it... and it's been like that, even now. Despite being 22 years old and having some people I could rely on, there's times where I've been alone and wishing for a friend to talk to. To just get all the negativity built within me out. I mean I do have a few friends like that but... I fear that I might either accidentally drive them away or make it constant which is something I don't wish to do. And... it doesn't help that the one person I loved, a fellow I met a year ago now and had feelings for, went with someone else. Nothing against him, it was my fault in the end as I waited too long and wound up accidentally ruining it... but I still feel the pain from the night he told me that he went someone else... I remember that night with a disturbing accuracy and... it's one that I hate to remember... I remember my initial happiness as I entered the instance he was in as I was having a fun night... I remember the dread rising as he began to talk... and I remember the sorrow we both had as he told me... He did it with a very heavy heart and it's something that caused him to break down crying... It was the last thing he ever wanted to do to me, if not, never wanted to do as we cared deeply about each other somewhat. Though after that... I didn't get much sleep if any at all as my depression and broken heart just kept me up. Hell, even now, after compartmentalizing those feelings for him, I still have those feelings and a part of me just wishes that in the future, I hopefully get another chance with him... but for now, I need to try and fix myself. I was thinking of doing therapy to try and confront this along with the other trauma and demons I have stuck within me as well. I've been meaning to do so for a while now and I'll try to do my best to fix my mental state and to get past the pain and misery that's haunted me for the last few years. Yeah, this may have been a lot but I needed to vent and am feeling a bit better now because of it. I'll do my best to avoid doing this often if at all again in the future, and I do mean it when I say I'm going to get help for this. Depression is something that affects everyone and isn't some joke. I may not seem like it but... I had times where I was actually thinking of a world without me... but in the end, I managed to get past it. But... I know there's people who never got to make it. Bendor being one of them... he was a good guy who the world lost too soon. And it's something I don't want to see happen to others. I act as a emotional support person for my friends and have seen how depression can reduce someone to those horrible thoughts and just pray for those who suffer from depression. No one deserves to go through this, and I'd never wish it upon anyone.
(I'm sorry if I seemed pessimistic with this journal entry, I just needed to vent and now feel a bit better somewhat. But I mean it when I said depression can destroy someone mentally. If you suffer from depression, my heart goes out to you guys, gals, and non-binary pals along with everyone who's been there at some point in their lives. Just know your not alone and that there's someone out there willing to help you. I hope things are bound to get better as time goes on. I hope you're all having a good day and if not, that it gets so, so much better for you all.)
(I'm sorry if I seemed pessimistic with this journal entry, I just needed to vent and now feel a bit better somewhat. But I mean it when I said depression can destroy someone mentally. If you suffer from depression, my heart goes out to you guys, gals, and non-binary pals along with everyone who's been there at some point in their lives. Just know your not alone and that there's someone out there willing to help you. I hope things are bound to get better as time goes on. I hope you're all having a good day and if not, that it gets so, so much better for you all.)
A bit of an Update.
Posted 3 years agoHi everyone! I'm here to post a bit of an Update to my characters. You see, since I became more social, I've have made some changes to my characters. Some of which are more groundbreaking than others.
Jay) I've changed his name to Delta for reasons that are personal to me. And I've become more comfortable with him in expansion pieces as well.
Amara) She's now an anthro Doberman/Shepard cross and has a bit more to her. Along with this, she has electricity powers related to an experiment her friend did to as a test only to give her these abilities. But it does have it's drawbacks. I'll try and do a ref sheet for her in the future detailing these new abilities and her weaknesses.
Arkham) I've done barely any art of him for a bit but do intend to draw him again.
Levi) I've done a few art pieces featuring him.
Akira Shepard) There's two universes featuring her. One being my serious universe, the other being a something related to something significantly less so.
Virgil) I'm working on a few things with him. I won't spoil anything yet.
But yeah, that's all for now. I'll update this journal or maybe make another if something changes. Anyways, I'll be back to working on things now. I hope you all have a good day/night!
Jay) I've changed his name to Delta for reasons that are personal to me. And I've become more comfortable with him in expansion pieces as well.
Amara) She's now an anthro Doberman/Shepard cross and has a bit more to her. Along with this, she has electricity powers related to an experiment her friend did to as a test only to give her these abilities. But it does have it's drawbacks. I'll try and do a ref sheet for her in the future detailing these new abilities and her weaknesses.
Arkham) I've done barely any art of him for a bit but do intend to draw him again.
Levi) I've done a few art pieces featuring him.
Akira Shepard) There's two universes featuring her. One being my serious universe, the other being a something related to something significantly less so.
Virgil) I'm working on a few things with him. I won't spoil anything yet.
But yeah, that's all for now. I'll update this journal or maybe make another if something changes. Anyways, I'll be back to working on things now. I hope you all have a good day/night!
A bit of help for a friend of mine
Posted 3 years agoHI everyone! I know it's been a while and what not but I do have something that a friend needs help with. He was working on a YCH for me but that's out of the question given recent events. He recently went through a bad house fire and needs help with rebuilding. I'm spreading word around to try and help him and if you can spare anything to help him, please, a little can go a long way and please share this link to try and help spread the word. Please and thank you.
https://gofund.me/7463ec03
https://gofund.me/7463ec03
Inktober has begun.
Posted 4 years agoHi everyone! I know it’s been a while and I’ve been having a real rough month. Several things happened that really put me into near mental breakdown mode. That said, I’ve calmed down a bit and have been trying to draw and post art again. Hopefully this month is more quiet.
And alongside that, it’s that time of year again. For those who’ve haven’t heard of Inktober, it’s a month long event where you draw and ink a prompt that’s annual or your own custom one. You don’t have to do the prompts in order but you can if you want to.
I did it last year but haven’t posted the artwork yet. Been getting around to doing it but I don’t want to overwhelm the submissions page with it. And I also had a real bad time mentally. However I do intend to post it, just haven’t found the time.
Anyways, I’ll be doing Inktober this year as well only this time, I’ll be posting the art here. Something that I didn’t do out of fear and didn’t want to annoy anyone. But I’ve finally plucked the courage to do so. Expect a drawing soon, but it might be later cause I’m currently in the middle of a Subathon with a friend.
That said, I hope your all having a good night/day!
And alongside that, it’s that time of year again. For those who’ve haven’t heard of Inktober, it’s a month long event where you draw and ink a prompt that’s annual or your own custom one. You don’t have to do the prompts in order but you can if you want to.
I did it last year but haven’t posted the artwork yet. Been getting around to doing it but I don’t want to overwhelm the submissions page with it. And I also had a real bad time mentally. However I do intend to post it, just haven’t found the time.
Anyways, I’ll be doing Inktober this year as well only this time, I’ll be posting the art here. Something that I didn’t do out of fear and didn’t want to annoy anyone. But I’ve finally plucked the courage to do so. Expect a drawing soon, but it might be later cause I’m currently in the middle of a Subathon with a friend.
That said, I hope your all having a good night/day!
A update on me and my mental health.
Posted 4 years agoHi everyone! I honestly wish I was in a better mood to be doing this but here we go I guess. I’ve been having a pretty rough month in terms of mental health. Earlier this month, I was dragged into a stressful situation that nearly broke me. Ever since then, I keep wind up getting dragged into more stressful stuff. As a result, drawing has been a rough process as I’ve been trying to help everyone I can. Making it worse is that every time I do get a break, two or more of my friends go through a rough time and I feel compelled to try and comfort them or at the very least make their day better. I’m alright, just need a really long break from all of that so I can focus on going to university and drawing more stuff. I’ve got some but need to get pictures of it ready for posting.
Along with that, I need to get ready for Inktober this year. All that and dealing with helping everyone had the effect of nearly driving me into a mental breakdown. I want to help them but can’t cause if I do, then I’ll lose whatever I have left. I promise to try and get back to posting my art and Inktober 2020 stuff but might need time to do so. I apologize and understand if your mad about it. But given the state I’m in at the moment, I need the time to recover. Though saying that nowadays ends with me being dragged into another problem. If it does then I’m gonna lose it. Hopefully the worst is behind me but given what I’ve been through last week and the start of this week, things can and most likely will get worst. I honestly hope it doesn’t.
If anyone needs me, I’ll be trying to hold onto whatever sanity’s left in my head. I’m sorry if I don’t live up to expectations and seem slow on uploading. After all that’s happened, I’m trying to pick up the pieces and recover what I can but it ends up breaking even more. I hope everything gets better for me and everyone I know.
I hope your all having a better day/night than I am. Really feels like that’s everyday now.
Along with that, I need to get ready for Inktober this year. All that and dealing with helping everyone had the effect of nearly driving me into a mental breakdown. I want to help them but can’t cause if I do, then I’ll lose whatever I have left. I promise to try and get back to posting my art and Inktober 2020 stuff but might need time to do so. I apologize and understand if your mad about it. But given the state I’m in at the moment, I need the time to recover. Though saying that nowadays ends with me being dragged into another problem. If it does then I’m gonna lose it. Hopefully the worst is behind me but given what I’ve been through last week and the start of this week, things can and most likely will get worst. I honestly hope it doesn’t.
If anyone needs me, I’ll be trying to hold onto whatever sanity’s left in my head. I’m sorry if I don’t live up to expectations and seem slow on uploading. After all that’s happened, I’m trying to pick up the pieces and recover what I can but it ends up breaking even more. I hope everything gets better for me and everyone I know.
I hope your all having a better day/night than I am. Really feels like that’s everyday now.
Another update
Posted 4 years agoHey everyone. I’ll just get to the point. I didn’t get the adopt fursuit. It wasn’t something that happened between me or the seller. It was a emergency surgery for my family’s cat. He had crystals and it got to the point where we had to take him to the vet. He’s fine now, but the surgery was more damaging in finance terms. I didn’t have enough for groceries and art supplies so I asked if it was possible to refund the suit. Thankfully it was but it’s gonna take sometime. I’ll be honest it was hard to do yet alone say it. I’ve been feeling down these past few weeks and it was improving. Then came the surgery and I couldn’t wait for the next pay date cause if I did, I’d be broke. Guess I’ll have to look for a fur suit maker that delivers to Canada. Shame as well, loved the look of the one I was adopting.
Aside from that, I’ve been dealing with bouts of anxiety and real bad depression. It feels like every time I try to have fun, I get put back under and curb-stomped. Sorry if I sound dramatic, been trying to stop myself from having a complete breakdown. But it feels like the more I resist, the worse it gets. Even more so when I buy things that cost a lot more. Part of it’s buyers remorse but I’m also not confident in my choices. A majority of the time, when I actually make a choice, it haunts me for a great amount of time and rips my mind to shreds. Again sorry if I sound dramatic. Happens when I’m in a bad mood.
I’m just gonna try and start posting my Inktober stuff on the weekend and if not then, next week. Not just because I’m feeling down, I didn’t want to flood peoples submissions with my drawings. To make things more complicated, I’ve barely drawn anything this week. I was low on paper and had to get some today. Additionally, I was actually wondering on whether to do a poll for my next sketch. So I’m going to do something different and do a poll on this journal for my next sketch. What do you guys want?
A) Amara
B) Levi
C) New character I’ve been working on
D) NSFW drawing of Akira Shepard or someone else
E) Jay
Whoever it is, I’ll draw them regardless of who gets in my way. Unless a wildfire swings by and forces me to GTFO, that would be a different story. Still, I’ll try my best and hope you all have a great day/night!
Aside from that, I’ve been dealing with bouts of anxiety and real bad depression. It feels like every time I try to have fun, I get put back under and curb-stomped. Sorry if I sound dramatic, been trying to stop myself from having a complete breakdown. But it feels like the more I resist, the worse it gets. Even more so when I buy things that cost a lot more. Part of it’s buyers remorse but I’m also not confident in my choices. A majority of the time, when I actually make a choice, it haunts me for a great amount of time and rips my mind to shreds. Again sorry if I sound dramatic. Happens when I’m in a bad mood.
I’m just gonna try and start posting my Inktober stuff on the weekend and if not then, next week. Not just because I’m feeling down, I didn’t want to flood peoples submissions with my drawings. To make things more complicated, I’ve barely drawn anything this week. I was low on paper and had to get some today. Additionally, I was actually wondering on whether to do a poll for my next sketch. So I’m going to do something different and do a poll on this journal for my next sketch. What do you guys want?
A) Amara
B) Levi
C) New character I’ve been working on
D) NSFW drawing of Akira Shepard or someone else
E) Jay
Whoever it is, I’ll draw them regardless of who gets in my way. Unless a wildfire swings by and forces me to GTFO, that would be a different story. Still, I’ll try my best and hope you all have a great day/night!
A bit of an update
Posted 4 years agoHello everyone! It’s been a while since I’ve given an update so I’ll get to the point on a major change: I’ve recently got a full body fur suit adopt. I’ve been searching up info on how to take care of one and how to wash it just in case anything happened. I don’t know what I’m going to do with it yet, but I’ll come up with something.
Another thing is I’m trying to do is up my game in drawing. So far, I’ve been drawing canines and a kangaroo but I’ve got a few written characters that I want to draw references for. One in particular is one I was was originally doing for shark week. Given how long it’s been since then, I can now say I missed that window. But I’ve still been working on her and might have a reference for her right now. It’s a rough sketch at the moment but I’ll try to ink it before uploading it.
Another thing I’ve been looking to do is post a few stories. I’ve got a few I’ve written beforehand but I don’t know how to upload them. That and a majority of them are NSFW as hell. Just a quicks heads up for anyone wanting to check them out when they’re uploaded.
Lastly, I’ve been hoping to maybe do Inktober this year. I did it last year but haven’t gotten around to posting the art because A) I was incredibly nervous about it and B) I was occupied with drawing everyday and building a PC at the time so yeah. I could post it if anyone wants to see it, just say the word and I’ll do it. Anyways, I was wondering about what prompts to go with. I either might go with this years prompts or go with custom ones. If I prefer the latter, I can let you all decide on a few or, if I actually want pain, do all of them. I’ll do another journal with a update on this when I get around to it. Need a few new pens for it anyway.
With all that said and done, I wanted to apologize for acting dramatic for last few weeks. It tends to happen when I get in bad mood. I’ll try not to make my journals sound like I’ve got my dick stuck in the vending machine from now on. Now that’s done, I hope you all have a great day/night!
Another thing is I’m trying to do is up my game in drawing. So far, I’ve been drawing canines and a kangaroo but I’ve got a few written characters that I want to draw references for. One in particular is one I was was originally doing for shark week. Given how long it’s been since then, I can now say I missed that window. But I’ve still been working on her and might have a reference for her right now. It’s a rough sketch at the moment but I’ll try to ink it before uploading it.
Another thing I’ve been looking to do is post a few stories. I’ve got a few I’ve written beforehand but I don’t know how to upload them. That and a majority of them are NSFW as hell. Just a quicks heads up for anyone wanting to check them out when they’re uploaded.
Lastly, I’ve been hoping to maybe do Inktober this year. I did it last year but haven’t gotten around to posting the art because A) I was incredibly nervous about it and B) I was occupied with drawing everyday and building a PC at the time so yeah. I could post it if anyone wants to see it, just say the word and I’ll do it. Anyways, I was wondering about what prompts to go with. I either might go with this years prompts or go with custom ones. If I prefer the latter, I can let you all decide on a few or, if I actually want pain, do all of them. I’ll do another journal with a update on this when I get around to it. Need a few new pens for it anyway.
With all that said and done, I wanted to apologize for acting dramatic for last few weeks. It tends to happen when I get in bad mood. I’ll try not to make my journals sound like I’ve got my dick stuck in the vending machine from now on. Now that’s done, I hope you all have a great day/night!
An apology
Posted 4 years agoHello everyone. Yes I know this a early journal given the one I wrote two days ago. But this one is more of an apology one. An apology to the way I’ve been acting these past few weeks. I’ve been overwhelmed by anxiety and it interfered with my life more than it should have.
To add onto that, my province (British Columbia.) is currently experiencing multiple wildfires that are causing evacuations and destruction. For those hadn’t heard, a town called Lytton was destroyed by a fast moving wildfire on June 30th. I’ve donated a bit to at least help someone, but that’s not the only reason why I’m writing this down. A wildfire cropped up near my town and is currently burning as I write this. It’s so intense you can see the glow from it over the mountain ridge. Thankfully, there’s a lake between it and my town so it’d have to cross it to get to me.
Aside from that, I wanted to once more apologize for acting like a nervous wreck these few weeks and journals. And to apologize about sounding selfish if I’ve talking about myself more often. It’s just I’m not really social and end up locking up in a crowd or in a party. That said, it’s been getting less worst because of VRChat and making friends on discord. With that all said and done, I’ll be posting some sketches I’ve done these past few months as I start to get back to drawing new things.
Also, I’ll be trying to draw more NSFW stuff but not things that are a bit extreme. Aside from inflation and expansion. Yeah, I’m not a good man but still better than some other things to be honest.
Last but not least, I’ll be rewriting a bit of Amara’s lore since I’ve come up with some new things that I hope all of you would like. It’s more Sci-Fi than it was before but she’ll still have a feral form, though I’m wondering how to write it into her new lore.
That’s all for tonight folks! I hope to be back up and running soon! I want to thank all of you for putting up with me. I’ve had a rough patch these last two weeks but I hope that it gets better regardless of what’s been going on in my region. As always, I hope you all have a good day/night!
To add onto that, my province (British Columbia.) is currently experiencing multiple wildfires that are causing evacuations and destruction. For those hadn’t heard, a town called Lytton was destroyed by a fast moving wildfire on June 30th. I’ve donated a bit to at least help someone, but that’s not the only reason why I’m writing this down. A wildfire cropped up near my town and is currently burning as I write this. It’s so intense you can see the glow from it over the mountain ridge. Thankfully, there’s a lake between it and my town so it’d have to cross it to get to me.
Aside from that, I wanted to once more apologize for acting like a nervous wreck these few weeks and journals. And to apologize about sounding selfish if I’ve talking about myself more often. It’s just I’m not really social and end up locking up in a crowd or in a party. That said, it’s been getting less worst because of VRChat and making friends on discord. With that all said and done, I’ll be posting some sketches I’ve done these past few months as I start to get back to drawing new things.
Also, I’ll be trying to draw more NSFW stuff but not things that are a bit extreme. Aside from inflation and expansion. Yeah, I’m not a good man but still better than some other things to be honest.
Last but not least, I’ll be rewriting a bit of Amara’s lore since I’ve come up with some new things that I hope all of you would like. It’s more Sci-Fi than it was before but she’ll still have a feral form, though I’m wondering how to write it into her new lore.
That’s all for tonight folks! I hope to be back up and running soon! I want to thank all of you for putting up with me. I’ve had a rough patch these last two weeks but I hope that it gets better regardless of what’s been going on in my region. As always, I hope you all have a good day/night!
A status update on my mentality
Posted 4 years agoIt’s been a short while since I’ve posted so I just get to it. I’ve been suffering from random bouts of anxiety these past few weeks and so far, it’s been affecting negatively. I can’t draw properly yet alone concentrate because of it. I’m pulling my hair out over it cause I don’t want to disappoint you guys but I also try to improve. That coupled with the wildfires going on in my province along with the high heat is destroying me mentally and psychologically. I can barely go to sleep nowadays, leaving me wondering if tomorrow will actually be worst than today. I haven’t confirmed it yet but some of things I’ve been experiencing so far correlate with seasonal depression. It may not be it, but at the same time I can’t rule it out at the moment.
As of late, I haven’t been able to get anything done in terms of sketching. I’m sorry to say it cause this is something I want to do more. Main problem is that I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ll try to do something, I promise. But at this time, it feels like I’m ramming my head into the wall, I’ve got nothing. Even when I’m trying do the figure sketching process, it’s harder on sketchbooks because if you press too hard with your pencil, the graphite sticks on the page. Add that with trying to get the limb length and torso proportions right and you’ve got an anxiety cocktail ready.
I just want to try and at least upload something for you guys. My greatest anxiety is letting people down next to accidentally offending someone. I want to make you guys happy so I’ll try to get drawing again soon. Even though I’m practically on the verge of breaking down, I’ll try to give you all something. All of you matter so much more than me.
Have a good day/night wherever you are… cause mine’s not going well.
As of late, I haven’t been able to get anything done in terms of sketching. I’m sorry to say it cause this is something I want to do more. Main problem is that I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ll try to do something, I promise. But at this time, it feels like I’m ramming my head into the wall, I’ve got nothing. Even when I’m trying do the figure sketching process, it’s harder on sketchbooks because if you press too hard with your pencil, the graphite sticks on the page. Add that with trying to get the limb length and torso proportions right and you’ve got an anxiety cocktail ready.
I just want to try and at least upload something for you guys. My greatest anxiety is letting people down next to accidentally offending someone. I want to make you guys happy so I’ll try to get drawing again soon. Even though I’m practically on the verge of breaking down, I’ll try to give you all something. All of you matter so much more than me.
Have a good day/night wherever you are… cause mine’s not going well.
Hello darkness my old friend
Posted 4 years agoHello everyone. I honestly feel horrible now as I write this. So many stressful things have happened to me this week. The BC wildfires have pretty much destroyed me mentally and psychologically, my OCD is pretty ripping me in half and to add heartbreaking insult to injury, I found out that one of my favorite artists, Midsummernightsdream is leaving Furaffinity for good. It’s just so much happening all out once that I feel like I’m about to burn out once and for all.
I’ve been fighting depression and anxiety all my life, and now it feels like it’s finally winning. I just want this nightmare to end. I want the fear of losing my loved ones gone. I want the anxiety that reduces me to a nervous wreck gone. I just want a better tomorrow for everyone that’s suffered.
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t tell people how I’m feeling because I don’t want to become a burden for them. I want them to feel happy for what they’ve got ahead of them, not worried about someone who they might never see again. Someone’s who life doesn’t matter to them.
My head’s constantly pounding, trying to stop me from self-destructing. But it doesn’t work. It makes it so much worse. To the point where I just want to cry. I just want it to stop, to finally go away.
Anyways, I’m sorry to hear about you leaving Midsummernightsdream. I hope you have better waters ahead of you. It’s just so heartbreaking to see all of your wonderful art go away. You did far better than I can ever hope to achieve. I just wanted you to know this, in case you ever read this. You were amazing, shame to see you go.
That’s all I guess. I hope you all have better days than mine. I’m just feeling worthless at the moment to be blunt. It’s because I constantly tell myself that tomorrow will be better, when in reality, it’s not. It gets worst everyday and I’m tired of acting like it’s normal. I pray that all of you have brighter futures. Because mine’s looking like it won’t dawn anytime soon.
I won’t say goodbye. I hate saying goodbye. You never know if you’ll ever see them again, that’s why.
I’ve been fighting depression and anxiety all my life, and now it feels like it’s finally winning. I just want this nightmare to end. I want the fear of losing my loved ones gone. I want the anxiety that reduces me to a nervous wreck gone. I just want a better tomorrow for everyone that’s suffered.
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t tell people how I’m feeling because I don’t want to become a burden for them. I want them to feel happy for what they’ve got ahead of them, not worried about someone who they might never see again. Someone’s who life doesn’t matter to them.
My head’s constantly pounding, trying to stop me from self-destructing. But it doesn’t work. It makes it so much worse. To the point where I just want to cry. I just want it to stop, to finally go away.
Anyways, I’m sorry to hear about you leaving Midsummernightsdream. I hope you have better waters ahead of you. It’s just so heartbreaking to see all of your wonderful art go away. You did far better than I can ever hope to achieve. I just wanted you to know this, in case you ever read this. You were amazing, shame to see you go.
That’s all I guess. I hope you all have better days than mine. I’m just feeling worthless at the moment to be blunt. It’s because I constantly tell myself that tomorrow will be better, when in reality, it’s not. It gets worst everyday and I’m tired of acting like it’s normal. I pray that all of you have brighter futures. Because mine’s looking like it won’t dawn anytime soon.
I won’t say goodbye. I hate saying goodbye. You never know if you’ll ever see them again, that’s why.
Something great happened yesterday
Posted 4 years agoHi everyone! Sorry bout yesterday’s journal, I was having a rough day and I just needed to vent. But something great happened yesterday that changed it. I decided to check out a few friends in VRChat and it just happened that there was a livestream going on with two of them. You might know where this going.
If you don’t, allow me to explain. Rawrsenal, a streamer, was doing a charity stream for the Trevor project. Just as we were chilling, someone donated 1k in US dollars, quadruple of the stream goal was. To say everyone was shocked was a understatement. I was surprised and impressed at the same time.
It was a honor to be there. To show that there were people who cared regardless of who they were. To show support to those who needed it the most. I was glad that we not only reached our goal but surpassed it. It made a rather happy ending to what was a rough day.
Also if you’re wondering who I was, I was the cone protogen and the fox-looking taidum with glasses.
If you don’t, allow me to explain. Rawrsenal, a streamer, was doing a charity stream for the Trevor project. Just as we were chilling, someone donated 1k in US dollars, quadruple of the stream goal was. To say everyone was shocked was a understatement. I was surprised and impressed at the same time.
It was a honor to be there. To show that there were people who cared regardless of who they were. To show support to those who needed it the most. I was glad that we not only reached our goal but surpassed it. It made a rather happy ending to what was a rough day.
Also if you’re wondering who I was, I was the cone protogen and the fox-looking taidum with glasses.
I’ll be honest a bit
Posted 4 years agoHi everyone. I don’t even know where to begin. I guess it’s just I wanted someplace to write this. Even if it’s public, I don’t care anymore. I’ve been through a lot in my life; constant moving, pets coming and going, and feeling isolated from my family. In the end, I let my fears take control and force me away from them. To make it worse comes the fact that I feel scared to speak about it. I don’t want others to feel stressed because of me. I don’t want to sound selfish or egotistical. I… I just feel anxious because I don’t know what tomorrow holds for me or the people I care about. I’m afraid of losing them and never seeing them again. It’s happened to before and I thought I could overcome it. But I can’t.
I’m constantly stressed about others judging me or letting everyone down. It’s something I try to explain to everyone, but it doesn’t come out the way I want to. Everything I say either comes out wrong or sounds hollow. Even more so when I try talking with my siblings. Every time I try to say something or apologize, it feels like I’m on autopilot. Here I go, making everything bout myself.
I just need some time. I’m fine somewhat, nothing serious. I just need to sort somethings out. I’ll try to get back to drawing as soon as possible. I hate saying goodbyes. You never know if you’ll see them again.
I’m constantly stressed about others judging me or letting everyone down. It’s something I try to explain to everyone, but it doesn’t come out the way I want to. Everything I say either comes out wrong or sounds hollow. Even more so when I try talking with my siblings. Every time I try to say something or apologize, it feels like I’m on autopilot. Here I go, making everything bout myself.
I just need some time. I’m fine somewhat, nothing serious. I just need to sort somethings out. I’ll try to get back to drawing as soon as possible. I hate saying goodbyes. You never know if you’ll see them again.
Something I want to say
Posted 4 years agoHi, everyone! I’ll just get to meat of it right away. I’ve been nervous for the past few weeks about my drawing. Not thinking about quitting, just what to do. Currently, I use my phone to take pictures out my sketchbook and upload them here. While it’s not the best way I wanted to upload them, I was looking at doing some digital drawing in the near future; let’s just say half a year from now.
Along with that, I’m just nervous in general bout where I go from here. Looking back on my past drawings and life experience, I feel so little and afraid. Afraid of what tomorrow holds. That’s not the only thing though. Every time I talk or try to have a conversation with people, I try to avoid talking bout myself. It’s not just that I’m afraid what others might think of me, I don’t want to sound or be selfish. Even more so when others are talking. Sorry for rambling, just want it off my chest.
Anyway, I’ve been steering my procrastination towards working on art and socializing with my new friends. Had a bit of a rough night thanks to the shot spinner conspiring against me and my liver and sleep deprivation forcing me to stay up into the morning. But don’t worry bout me, it’ll pass eventually. That said, I’ll see you again next time.
Along with that, I’m just nervous in general bout where I go from here. Looking back on my past drawings and life experience, I feel so little and afraid. Afraid of what tomorrow holds. That’s not the only thing though. Every time I talk or try to have a conversation with people, I try to avoid talking bout myself. It’s not just that I’m afraid what others might think of me, I don’t want to sound or be selfish. Even more so when others are talking. Sorry for rambling, just want it off my chest.
Anyway, I’ve been steering my procrastination towards working on art and socializing with my new friends. Had a bit of a rough night thanks to the shot spinner conspiring against me and my liver and sleep deprivation forcing me to stay up into the morning. But don’t worry bout me, it’ll pass eventually. That said, I’ll see you again next time.
Update on artwork/submissions
Posted 4 years agoHi everyone! Just a quick update.
I’ve been trying to improve on drawing lately while also juggling my schedule because I want to try and do more in terms of art. Another thing I was hoping to do was balance my general artwork with my nsfw art.Second last thing, I’m currently looking at doing some more nsfw work in the near future.
Last thing: I’ve been looking for fursuit makers situated in Canada. More or less because I’m Canadian and was thinking of getting one in two months or so.
With all that said I hope you have a good day/night wherever you are!
I’ve been trying to improve on drawing lately while also juggling my schedule because I want to try and do more in terms of art. Another thing I was hoping to do was balance my general artwork with my nsfw art.Second last thing, I’m currently looking at doing some more nsfw work in the near future.
Last thing: I’ve been looking for fursuit makers situated in Canada. More or less because I’m Canadian and was thinking of getting one in two months or so.
With all that said I hope you have a good day/night wherever you are!
My first journal!
Posted 4 years agoHello everyone! Sorry if I’ve been inactive these past two or three weeks. I’ve been trying to do more in terms of sketches and may or may not post them in the near future; A few of which are nsfw and are apart of my new character: Amara. Part of the reason I haven’t gotten to doing so was some self esteem issues (Don’t worry. Nothing serious, just have social anxiety) along with wondering how to lay out Levi’s story.
Also, as a side note, I’m trying out VRChat sometime next week. I hope to at least meet some people who are friendly and fellow furries. Just to be honest I’m a little nervous to say the least but I have faith that there’s someone I can talk to at least. I’ll update my contact with my steam user around that time as well.
Since this is the end of this journal, I hope you all have a good day!
Also, as a side note, I’m trying out VRChat sometime next week. I hope to at least meet some people who are friendly and fellow furries. Just to be honest I’m a little nervous to say the least but I have faith that there’s someone I can talk to at least. I’ll update my contact with my steam user around that time as well.
Since this is the end of this journal, I hope you all have a good day!
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