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I should be doing art, but...
Posted 8 years agoJust got on World of Warcraft. If anyone wants to friend me, I'm at bigfattiger#1703
NSFW Fat Furs channel on Telegram
Posted 9 years agoFor those of y'all on Telegram, there's a new 18+ NSFW Fat Furs chat. Anyone over 18 is welcome to join. :)
https://telegram.me/joinchat/CQ2rKw.....fpJ3nD_ovT_0NQ
https://telegram.me/joinchat/CQ2rKw.....fpJ3nD_ovT_0NQ
Call it confession, call it "coming out"
Posted 9 years agoSo yeah...
I am a big, fat, dumb chub4chub bisexual gainer who likes to pig out, slob up, get musky, and have bare raw sex, and I'm not going to feel ashamed about it anymore. I'm making art on youtube, xtube, and furaffinity that gets ME off. Everyone's welcome to comment and enjoy but I won't let critics shame me or attack me anymore. Sorry I did that to everyone. I should have been tougher.
Hold tight. I'm putting everything back up where I took it all down...and making new stuff. ;)
I am a big, fat, dumb chub4chub bisexual gainer who likes to pig out, slob up, get musky, and have bare raw sex, and I'm not going to feel ashamed about it anymore. I'm making art on youtube, xtube, and furaffinity that gets ME off. Everyone's welcome to comment and enjoy but I won't let critics shame me or attack me anymore. Sorry I did that to everyone. I should have been tougher.
Hold tight. I'm putting everything back up where I took it all down...and making new stuff. ;)
"Not good enough"
Posted 10 years ago"Not good enough."
If there's one phrase that's been an underlying motif in my life, it's that. I'll meet people, I'll be fine to hang out with until someone better (better looking, more popular, whatever) comes along...then I'm not good enough. I'll support people when they're new and starting...then they become successful, and I'm not good enough. Until I settled in my current relationship, I'd play house on the Internet (another way of saying "long distance relationship) with someone...then when my beau at the time met someone closer, I wasn't good enough.
I can keep going on.
I grew up just not thinking that I was worth it, that I had any human value to merit my existence. I drew, but few people commented. I was, at best, good for a fav-click, right click-save, and fap. That's it. When I made chowdown videos on Youtube, I'd get thousands of hits and multiple likes, but few actual comments. I'd put things up on Xtube and Xhamster....and you get the idea.
I'm not worth it. I'm okay to provide masturbation material for strangers, but to talk to me? Not at all--not even as a very well flushed out roleplaying account, essentially. I existed to create material for people to jack off to, but the person under it all was largely worthless to the people comsuming the material.
So I recently approached an artist about a commission. He's done pieces for me before, told me that he's used my Youtube channel for reference material, and even asked me to talk to him about December work when his November load was full. I told him what I wanted, and got a rejection.
Not good enough.
What followed was a patronizing and condescending explanation. "I don't draw massively obese or hyper fats." Never mind that on his page, he drew five in the last month. "I just had a gainer friend have a heart attack, but he survived!" As someone with almost fifteen years more life experience on him, he lucked out. I've lost four friends--close and net-friend--in the last four months. And though I'm fat, I watch it. Part of growing up "not good enough" meant I ate...a lot. Food and music never gave a shit about how much of a loser I was as a kid and teenager--they were just there. They were comforting. Sit around, eat, listen to records and CDs. I grew up fat. I was always fat. I was used to seeing myself as fat. When I was twelve, I had to shop in the men's departments because I could no longer fit in boys' sized clothes. In my 30s (as some of you who know the RL person behind the keyboard), I dieted...rather I starved. And I got myself down to 215 and 200 pounds on two separate attempts...only to freak out because I didn't see the fat man I'd grown up seeing...and I shot back up to 350 pounds. So in my 40s, I've treated my weight as a maintainable condition--I stay fat within healthy borders. I monitor my bloodwork and see my doctor regularly--especially after my apnea-induced afib episode in 2008. My doctor says I'm one of the healthiest fat guys he knows. Again, those of you a little closer to the RL-dude social media have seen me bust my ass during Movember this past month--at least 30 (usually 60) minutes in the gym per day for all 30 days of the month.
I'm fat, but I balance it--not fat enough to set off a health cataclysm, but not too thin to set off an identity crisis and push my weight to the mid-300s.
But I used the tiger as my way to play just a little bit, as I used the tiger fursona to explore a LOT of things I could never do IRL because of the ramifications. I pushed the weight just a little bit beyond what I would normally have IRL--not to the point of uber and hyper obesity (which has always been the trend in fatfur circles. Again, "not good enough," I kept my characters a little more on the realistic side, which has kept me on the fringes), but a way to pretend I could get to a weight and size I *could* push my body to, but wouldn't because I know I'd be one of those dead people that friends used as cautionary tales.
But again, not good enough.
And for the past few hours, that's had me thinking. I've never been good enough for a majority of the people I've encountered through this account. Yes, I have other accounts that are far closer to the actual fat guy behind the computer, But the people I've met solely via this account largely take me for granted. I'll message out, and rarely get responses. People will message me, but it's usually for ulterior motives--like requesting nudes or a video session for them to jack off to. They get what they want, and I again cease to exist. Christ, I approached an artist (who's announcing that he's trying to make a living off his art) with money, and it wasn't good enough. I've literally begged people to interact with me on Skype, FB, and IM services, and they're all ignored save for the one or two people who feign conversation just long enough to warm me up to masturbate on cam for them.
So something snapped. Maybe, now that I've regained footing in my RL career during the past few months, I've rediscovered self esteem and a tiny little kernel of self-worth separated from this screenname. Maybe I've realized that I'm more than the life support system for a wallet or a living dispensing machine for custom pornography.
Maybe I've just gotten tired of letting people make me feel second best because I've been playing a fursona online for a few years that invites scorn and condescension. I could be a victim of my own fantasy headspace. I don't know.
However, what I do know is that I've cut off a lot of the sources for people to use me for that release. Xtube and Xhamster are locked down--all vids are private. Youtube's also locked down--all vids are now private. I'm mothballing Facebook and Twitter, and bringing a select few people over to the RL-centered accounts. I've sacked my art here with a placeholder. I left the most recent piece, so the catalyst in question can see just how "hyperfat" my request was, but once I see he's read my follow up note, I'll likely sack that too. I may restore it one day or I may not, I'm not sure. Once I've got some emotional distance, I'll see.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to stop drawing. I enjoy it. Art is therapeutic for me, and sharing it with people who respond to it is like my currency. It's always astounded me--that furries can always live in a perpetual poormouthing state, yet can't bother to pay artists even a few kind words for something they drew. God knows there are some who will jack off to art all night long, but leave a comment on a piece? Come on....that takes away from the night right-click-save-fap... So I'll likely keep drawing. I may put things on the other account, or I might make a new account and just let people find it. I don't know.
I don't know. I'm feeling exceptionally shitty right now. I guess I'm just at my threshold of rejection fatigue in the big picture of life, and this is how I'm dealing with it. It might be a colossal disaster or it might be a wise move I should have made years ago. Either way, it's just something I need to do. I need to start giving a shit about myself again, because I've not run into a lot of people connected to this ID who actively do it for me.
If there's one phrase that's been an underlying motif in my life, it's that. I'll meet people, I'll be fine to hang out with until someone better (better looking, more popular, whatever) comes along...then I'm not good enough. I'll support people when they're new and starting...then they become successful, and I'm not good enough. Until I settled in my current relationship, I'd play house on the Internet (another way of saying "long distance relationship) with someone...then when my beau at the time met someone closer, I wasn't good enough.
I can keep going on.
I grew up just not thinking that I was worth it, that I had any human value to merit my existence. I drew, but few people commented. I was, at best, good for a fav-click, right click-save, and fap. That's it. When I made chowdown videos on Youtube, I'd get thousands of hits and multiple likes, but few actual comments. I'd put things up on Xtube and Xhamster....and you get the idea.
I'm not worth it. I'm okay to provide masturbation material for strangers, but to talk to me? Not at all--not even as a very well flushed out roleplaying account, essentially. I existed to create material for people to jack off to, but the person under it all was largely worthless to the people comsuming the material.
So I recently approached an artist about a commission. He's done pieces for me before, told me that he's used my Youtube channel for reference material, and even asked me to talk to him about December work when his November load was full. I told him what I wanted, and got a rejection.
Not good enough.
What followed was a patronizing and condescending explanation. "I don't draw massively obese or hyper fats." Never mind that on his page, he drew five in the last month. "I just had a gainer friend have a heart attack, but he survived!" As someone with almost fifteen years more life experience on him, he lucked out. I've lost four friends--close and net-friend--in the last four months. And though I'm fat, I watch it. Part of growing up "not good enough" meant I ate...a lot. Food and music never gave a shit about how much of a loser I was as a kid and teenager--they were just there. They were comforting. Sit around, eat, listen to records and CDs. I grew up fat. I was always fat. I was used to seeing myself as fat. When I was twelve, I had to shop in the men's departments because I could no longer fit in boys' sized clothes. In my 30s (as some of you who know the RL person behind the keyboard), I dieted...rather I starved. And I got myself down to 215 and 200 pounds on two separate attempts...only to freak out because I didn't see the fat man I'd grown up seeing...and I shot back up to 350 pounds. So in my 40s, I've treated my weight as a maintainable condition--I stay fat within healthy borders. I monitor my bloodwork and see my doctor regularly--especially after my apnea-induced afib episode in 2008. My doctor says I'm one of the healthiest fat guys he knows. Again, those of you a little closer to the RL-dude social media have seen me bust my ass during Movember this past month--at least 30 (usually 60) minutes in the gym per day for all 30 days of the month.
I'm fat, but I balance it--not fat enough to set off a health cataclysm, but not too thin to set off an identity crisis and push my weight to the mid-300s.
But I used the tiger as my way to play just a little bit, as I used the tiger fursona to explore a LOT of things I could never do IRL because of the ramifications. I pushed the weight just a little bit beyond what I would normally have IRL--not to the point of uber and hyper obesity (which has always been the trend in fatfur circles. Again, "not good enough," I kept my characters a little more on the realistic side, which has kept me on the fringes), but a way to pretend I could get to a weight and size I *could* push my body to, but wouldn't because I know I'd be one of those dead people that friends used as cautionary tales.
But again, not good enough.
And for the past few hours, that's had me thinking. I've never been good enough for a majority of the people I've encountered through this account. Yes, I have other accounts that are far closer to the actual fat guy behind the computer, But the people I've met solely via this account largely take me for granted. I'll message out, and rarely get responses. People will message me, but it's usually for ulterior motives--like requesting nudes or a video session for them to jack off to. They get what they want, and I again cease to exist. Christ, I approached an artist (who's announcing that he's trying to make a living off his art) with money, and it wasn't good enough. I've literally begged people to interact with me on Skype, FB, and IM services, and they're all ignored save for the one or two people who feign conversation just long enough to warm me up to masturbate on cam for them.
So something snapped. Maybe, now that I've regained footing in my RL career during the past few months, I've rediscovered self esteem and a tiny little kernel of self-worth separated from this screenname. Maybe I've realized that I'm more than the life support system for a wallet or a living dispensing machine for custom pornography.
Maybe I've just gotten tired of letting people make me feel second best because I've been playing a fursona online for a few years that invites scorn and condescension. I could be a victim of my own fantasy headspace. I don't know.
However, what I do know is that I've cut off a lot of the sources for people to use me for that release. Xtube and Xhamster are locked down--all vids are private. Youtube's also locked down--all vids are now private. I'm mothballing Facebook and Twitter, and bringing a select few people over to the RL-centered accounts. I've sacked my art here with a placeholder. I left the most recent piece, so the catalyst in question can see just how "hyperfat" my request was, but once I see he's read my follow up note, I'll likely sack that too. I may restore it one day or I may not, I'm not sure. Once I've got some emotional distance, I'll see.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to stop drawing. I enjoy it. Art is therapeutic for me, and sharing it with people who respond to it is like my currency. It's always astounded me--that furries can always live in a perpetual poormouthing state, yet can't bother to pay artists even a few kind words for something they drew. God knows there are some who will jack off to art all night long, but leave a comment on a piece? Come on....that takes away from the night right-click-save-fap... So I'll likely keep drawing. I may put things on the other account, or I might make a new account and just let people find it. I don't know.
I don't know. I'm feeling exceptionally shitty right now. I guess I'm just at my threshold of rejection fatigue in the big picture of life, and this is how I'm dealing with it. It might be a colossal disaster or it might be a wise move I should have made years ago. Either way, it's just something I need to do. I need to start giving a shit about myself again, because I've not run into a lot of people connected to this ID who actively do it for me.
On balls day....
Posted 10 years agoSaw somewhere that it was balls day.
Yup, still got mine.
Yup, still got mine.
Need more suggestions for art, deciding around 9pmEST
Posted 11 years agoGot a hybrid on the Photoshop screen, a bear. Wanna mix a little something into him. What would you hybridize with a bear?
Tiger colors and indecisiveness
Posted 11 years agoSo I kinda had a birthday last week and thinking about updating the tiger a little.
Thoughts on colors? Blue? Orange? Why?
Thoughts on colors? Blue? Orange? Why?
art preview on twitter
Posted 11 years agoPutting in-draft stuff up on Twitter, to get feedback. Got a little preview of something that i had in a dream last night. You know i had to draw it... ;)
https://twitter.com/fatstripeycat
https://twitter.com/fatstripeycat
Need a species sugestion for art... looking in at 9pm est
Posted 11 years agoWhat kinda species of a femme do you think a young, dumb tiger would lose his virginity to? Doing some drawing and running into an idea block. I'l lstart looking for a good lead in about 4 hours...
New art, another account... Most likely mothballs going down
Posted 11 years agoGo check and follow 
fatbadjah for new stuff.
fatbadjah for new stuff.Commissions?
Posted 12 years agoSo I have a little tattoo addiction. My last ink was October 2010, I'm looking to get more. But there's this whole unemployment thing...
If I did colored single figure pics for $20, would anyone be interested?
If I did colored single figure pics for $20, would anyone be interested?
Weasyl and personal rebrandings
Posted 12 years agoNot leaving yet, but not crazy about what I've been hearing so far. Got a Weasyl account here. https://www.weasyl.com/~roundbelly
...but I also have a new FA.
I've been in fandom 20 years now. My first date posting in alt.fan.furry was 1-17-1994. I've seen a lot, and I've grown a lot. And as I've taken my journey in fandom, I've worn a few masks: "Bandit," "Cutter," "McGillicutty," and even "that dumb, fat fucking bastard" on several occasions.
So I've decided to try consolidating things into a single identity--branding as the online cool kids are calling it. New stuff.
...but I also have a new FA.
I've been in fandom 20 years now. My first date posting in alt.fan.furry was 1-17-1994. I've seen a lot, and I've grown a lot. And as I've taken my journey in fandom, I've worn a few masks: "Bandit," "Cutter," "McGillicutty," and even "that dumb, fat fucking bastard" on several occasions.
So I've decided to try consolidating things into a single identity--branding as the online cool kids are calling it. New stuff.
The new pig...
Posted 12 years agoSo, calling him Bausley. Got a follow up of him to post. Having fun drawing him so far.
Thoughts? ;)
Thoughts? ;)
7 1/2-hour YCH free cameo in an art piece
Posted 12 years agoDrawing a new piece. Got room for a cameo for the right twisted fur...
Who wants to do some rubbing on old Poppa Tuck's paws?
Respond by a midnight (11:59pm) to midnight on 1-3-14: about 7 1/2 hours from now. I'll see who responded and try to get it posted soon as I can. Be sure you've got ref material linked in. I'm fat and lazy, and making this easy for me is a good way to get me attention. ;)
Who wants to do some rubbing on old Poppa Tuck's paws?
Respond by a midnight (11:59pm) to midnight on 1-3-14: about 7 1/2 hours from now. I'll see who responded and try to get it posted soon as I can. Be sure you've got ref material linked in. I'm fat and lazy, and making this easy for me is a good way to get me attention. ;)
NSFW fatboy problems...
Posted 12 years agoRarely will a fat man move so fast than when he's on top of someone, in full rut, and he feels himself slip out. Damn lap pad..
Southern US furry species?
Posted 12 years agoLooking for filler in a pic...
When you think about southern US animals, what comes to mind? Got a bear and raccoon already. Need a third....
When you think about southern US animals, what comes to mind? Got a bear and raccoon already. Need a third....
The things you think about on chrstmas
Posted 12 years agoThat moment you realize that if God didn't pull out, it can't be that bad, right? I mean.... It's divine interaction! ;)
On the YIH pic....
Posted 12 years ago....blue or orange? ;)
Enhanced YIH pic is out there now...
Posted 12 years agoJust because I wanna be a little more restrictive...at least at first, I feel a little weird putting extreme kink stuff out there for anyone with an adult bit to see. I got the enhanced version of my YIH pic up at.
https://bigfatstripeycat.sofurry.com
Drop a friend request and I'll get ya in.
https://bigfatstripeycat.sofurry.com
Drop a friend request and I'll get ya in.
Male-female art: no?
Posted 12 years agoOk...kinda getting the feeling that most folks ain't into the m-f art. Am I wrong here? Should I just start using a second account for it?
Taking pose suggestions.....
Posted 12 years agoSo I noticed I kinda get in a rut when I do poses in my art. I'm looking for single-figure pose suggestions to do with my blue tiger fursona.
Any good ones out there that might inspire me?
Any good ones out there that might inspire me?
Tumblr, text, talk to me....
Posted 12 years agoSo looking to make some friends out there. Wanna chat? I got a texting phone. Note me for the number.
On AIM/Yahoo a lot, especially when I draw. Wanna sneak preview? Wanna give advice? Talk to me online.
Finally, wanna see more of my fat ass then most people'd wanna see? Talk to me for the tumblr ID. :)
Working on Mulligan. Doing full character redesigns on the main cast, and doing all of the strips digital now. Hopefully new stuff will be up soon.
On AIM/Yahoo a lot, especially when I draw. Wanna sneak preview? Wanna give advice? Talk to me online.
Finally, wanna see more of my fat ass then most people'd wanna see? Talk to me for the tumblr ID. :)
Working on Mulligan. Doing full character redesigns on the main cast, and doing all of the strips digital now. Hopefully new stuff will be up soon.
With all apologies to MeatLoaf...
Posted 12 years ago"On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the fat blue tiger with the stubby pink cock?"
Drawing a new character....and you can help!
Posted 12 years agoSo lets say I'm drawing a new character. Let's say his parents are a tiger and a bear.
He's got a little of each in his body, but I'm letting y'all vote on the important part: his cock. No human here, bear or tiger.
Will he have a short, stubby tree-trunk like bear's cock or a short, stubby, barbed cone of a tiger's cock?
I'll give it at least 24 hours for people to vote, and I'll take results when I get of my lazy fat ass and get back to drawing again...
He's got a little of each in his body, but I'm letting y'all vote on the important part: his cock. No human here, bear or tiger.
Will he have a short, stubby tree-trunk like bear's cock or a short, stubby, barbed cone of a tiger's cock?
I'll give it at least 24 hours for people to vote, and I'll take results when I get of my lazy fat ass and get back to drawing again...
Also: new phone
Posted 12 years agoI also got me a phone for talking to folks and texting. Got unlimited on both. If yes actually wanna get to know the fat guy under the tigerpelt, drop me a message with yer number and I'll put you in my phone.Also got Skype, aim, and yahoo: bigfatstripeycat. Add and say hi...
