Good lord, it’s been 6 years since I last posted a journal here. I’ve always been here in that last 6 years though. FA’s revival has prompted me to write again.

2024 in particular has been quite the rollercoaster. Putting aside the takeover of FA’s domain, Dragoneer’s death has been both devastating to us as well as a massive injustice. But as I am someone who always tries to look to the future, it would be futile for me to dwell on the past.

Which brings me to my next topic: I have recently acquired a 3D model of my OC and now are using it in VRChat as well as Vtubing. I’m so excited about this that I now have made efforts to run more gaming streams on YouTube. Work schedules have always been troublesome, especially this year, but as things are starting to stabilise, it’s getting easier. I’ve developed a big love for Jackbox Games over the last couple years, so I hope to see you guys along for the ride. Don’t forget to subscribe at https://youtube.com/@blackvulpine!

That’s all from me for now, though I may make some more announcements soon. Watch this space!

No sooner have I got my fursuit than I'm going to my first ever con. To make that moment special, I've taken this meme and filled it out.

-Where are you staying?
It's the Vibe Hotel in Sydney.

-What day are you getting there?
Probs midday on the Friday.

-How are you arriving?
Taking a train to Museum station then walking to the hotel.

-Who will you be rooming with?
The not-so-gentle giant known as  anon1573

-Who will you hang out with during the convention?
Whoever I meet, but probably  anon1573 and  keskisan most of the time. If only Telephone was there...

-Are there events you might be attending?
It's my first ever con and I have no idea what to expect. I'll probably take it as it comes.

-Will you be suiting?
Definitely!

-Do you do free art?
Yeah, uh... not an artist.

-Do you do trades?
*points above* Why not hug me instead? That's the best kind of trade.

-What is your gender?
Male

-How old are you?
24

-Are you taken?
Nup.

-Can I talk to you?
Even if I'm in fursuit, yes - though I'm very shy and the worst at starting conversations.

-Can I touch you?
Within reason, yes.

-How can I find you?
Look for a black fox with a scar on his eye. If I'm not in suit, I'll likely have glasses and a very fancy black trilby on my head (assuming the hotel allows wearing hats indoors).

-Can I visit your room?
Better ask my roommate first.

-Can I buy you drinks?
By all means.

-Can I give you stuff?
I love gifts.

-Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Certainly!

-Are you nice?
I try to be.

-How long are you going?
The whole thing!

-If I see you, how should I get your attention?
“Blaaaaack!”

-Where will you be most of the time during the days?
In my fursuit, doing whatever happens.

-What/where will you be eating?
Probably the hotel, but who knows?

-Can I come with you for fun/food/etc.?
Become acquainted with me and Ozzi and then perhaps.

-Can I pet your suit?
By all means!

-Are you excited!
Incredibly, and also nervous.

Just got back from Canberra, a lovely big box in tow. A big box that contains my brand new fursuit! Some of you already know what it will look like, but for the rest of you, watch this space for more info, coming soon!

One of my friends is in dire need of funds, and so needs a profile boost so he can get commissions. Please go check out my friend  fatkangaroo for some awesome art, for the best prices around!

So last night I finally decided I'm going take requests again. It's been years since I last did anything for anyone, other than paying for commissions, and even those have been few and far between. So I'm going to set out some guidelines for my requests here.

The abridged version: The rules will stay mostly the same, although I will now charge a fee for anything artwork-related.

1. All existing jobs that haven't been completed yet have been cancelled, because they're never going to get done anyway.
2. I will do any job specified in the guidelines on my profile page.
3. Colouring/inking pictures will incur a fee of $3. You would pay more for a cup of coffee, so don't grizzle. I may however charge up to 200% more if the job is complex or large. Refer to my commission info for details.
4. As always, up to 5 jobs can be taken at any one time, and they will be done in the order received.
5. I reserve the right to refuse any job for any reason. In addition, I reserve the right to refuse to give a reason for refusal.
6. After a request is completed for someone, a cooling off period of 7 days applies before they can ask for another.
7. Abusive behaviour will not be tolerated and will result in automatic refusal/cancellation of your request.

It feels good to be back in the game.

[x] you meow/bark to get attention
[x] you find pets toys amusing
[ ] you get hyper by the smell of catnip
[ ] you growl/hiss when someone gets too close to your food
[ ] you growl/hiss when someone you dislike is too close to you
[x] you purr/shake your leg when someone shows you affection
[x] if someone tosses a ball, you chase it and bring it back
Total: 4

[x] you love to be scratched behind the ear
[x] you love fish/meat
[ ] you like to stick your head out trough the window of a moving car.
[x] you like when people pet your head
[x] people can make you stop doing stuff by hitting you on the nose with a newspaper
[ ] you think feathers are fun to play with
Total: 8

[x] you sleep a lot during daytime
[ ] you enjoy scaring birds
[x] you lick peoples faces to show you like them
[ ] you bite people if they annoy you
[x] you tend to steal food from your friends/family's plate when you have eaten all of yours
[x] milk or water is your favorite drink
Total: 12

[ ] you own a collar and you enjoy wearing it
[ ] you own a leash and enjoy wearing it
[ ] you own animal ears/tail/paws or a fursuit
[ ] you enjoy long walks in the park
[ ] you meow/bark when you see something you want
Total: 12

[x] you call your hands and feet "paws"
[x] you tilt your head when you do not understand what someone is talking about
[ ] you run to the door when someone mentions a walk
[x] you really enjoy cuddling
[x] you stretch your body and whimper a bit every morning when you wake up
[x] you can wake up and go back to sleep right away after looking around
Total: 17

[x] you have your favorite spot besides your bed where you like to sleep
[x] you meow or bark very often
[x] you hide when you get scared
[x] you run to the door to see who it is every time someone comes in to the house
[x] you like to chase flying insects and try to catch them with your bare hand
[ ] you tend to chew on stuff a lot
[x] you like to do tricks to get a treat
Total: 23

[ ] you own a wearable item/tag with your name on it
[x] you refer to your self as an animal
[x] your username has something to do with animals
[x] your e-mail has something to do with animals
[x] if you get a bleeding wound, you lick it to make it feel better
[x] you look for edible stuff often
Total: 28

[ ] you often find yourself looking through the window for a long time
[x] you like to say hi to strangers
[x] you like to be petted when you have done something good
[ ] people think you act like a pet
[x] you growl/hiss at stuff you do not like
[ ] you like to eat grass
[x] if you get wet, you shake to get rid of the water
Total: 32

Take your score and multiply it by 2

32 x 2 = 64

Put your title as "I'm _% Furry"

Just a heads up that I've updated my contact information on my FA profile page in the Contact Info area. Turns out that I haven't been checking what details I can add lately, and FA has added some new bits. They also removed the Wii Code section - understandable, since the WiiConnect24 service is now obsolete and discontinued.

Most notably, you will notice that my 3DS and Wii U IDs have been added to this section. These will still both continue to be shown prominently at the top of my profile page, but you can now find them down among the other Contact Info too. I have also added the links to my Tumblr and Weasyl accounts. Let the connections be made!

I've been having a few internet issues as of late (intermittent connection dropouts), but they've all been too minor to worry about. However, I've just gotten word that there's been a major failure in the cabling somewhere along the exchange that I receive my service on. a few weeks ago, which is about the same time as when I started experiencing these problems. Apparently, we're among the lucky ones, because a number of people in our area, including my grandmother's house just a block away from where I live, have lost all phone service (they have been given a temporary 'mobile' phone device). Given how long the problem has existed, and that Telstra own the exchange and are prioritising their service for their own customers in the wake of this issue (which doesn't bode well for us because our internet service is with another provider), there's no telling how long the issue will take to be resolved.

Apparently cables on the exchange have had several critical failures, and need to be replaced. There is a small chance we could temporarily lose our internet, which would severely limit my communication with everyone here. I do have my iOS devices, so I won't necessarily disappear totally, but if it happens, I will be seen a lot less on here until the issue is resolved. When that will be? I cannot say. I just hope it's sooner rather than later.

So if I end up vanishing without a trace, do not panic. I will continue to stay in touch whenever I possibly can, and provide updates as they become available.

Just a whole bunch of things happening in my life all at once. Can't be fucked to write about them now. Ask if you really wanna know, but I just simply wanna say that I'm literally mad as fuck right now. So yeah.

I don't often post short journals like this, do I? So funny.

...and perhaps even on a different tack altogether. I dunno. You be the judge.

Anyway, the reasons why I post journals like this one and the one I made before it include an admittedly unrealistic desire to make a strong impact on the community for the better. In a figurative sense however, such an action would surely be the key to making the community 1% better, would it not? But I digress.

In response to the latest public announcement, which if you need the link is right here, I have a few new things to say about all this, which should give further reason for everyone to forget about Zaush and move on. Now please note that while the announcement never mentions him directly, it IS obvious that it is him. I am also aware that the drama is already starting to burn out, but I have already said a lot about this, and I write this because I want, if nothing more, closure. That said, I would really appreciate it if you took the time to read through this carefully. Unlike the last journal, I have been careful to make sure that it is nothing but tact and diplomacy.

First off, it seems that everyone, including myself, has been INCORRECTLY referring to Zaush as an admin. The announcement, as well as the status tag on his profile page (here's a link to a picture of these in case you don't know what I am talking about) both clearly state that he is not, and he never was. The announcement states that people were getting slapped for 'smearing an official' for the same reason that someone would get slapped for smearing anyone publicly; because the words of these people were going way over the top (surprise surprise), and breaching the ToS. It is correct to refer to Zaush as an official, however he is not an administrator. He is simply on the team behind Project Phoenix. He has no actual administrative privileges in regard towards any of the users on this site.

Which brings me to my second point. I didn't have to do tons of research to know that people didn't want a (rumoured) sexual offender potentially having access to the private data on all the users of the site. Well, not only do we not actually know what private data is collected (although we will soon), but it is directly mentioned that because he's not an actual admin of the site, he doesn't have access to said data. What is everyone worried about, anyway? It's not like we ever entered our RL contact information and home address anywhere on the site. I'm not sure how our email addresses could be used to find and rape someone (unless perhaps they contain your real name, but then again, why would you use it for your social messaging services if you were so worried about things like this?), and we were never required to enter our real names, phone numbers, or any other things like that. Things like your Facebook and Twitter can be removed from your page - you're not required to have them up (and they are not PRIVATE info anyway, so if you put them up, that's your own problem). Pretty much the only thing that zones in on locations is IP addresses, and we all should know how hazy those quite often are.

Finally, I also know (and someone in the last journal directly mentioned) that people were raging about Dragoneer knowingly bringing on someone who had sexual offences floating over their head. There is once again a direct acknowledgement of this, as well as a remark about how these offences are all nothing more than allegations. The remark says that the staff refuses to let mere accusations stop them from hiring someone who could make a very remarkable and significant impact on such a major project (which is one of the things I had been saying all along: Why should we be condemning someone without any proof whatsoever that he did such things?). And even if he WAS an admin, it also says that only TRUSTED admins have access to private data. Despite how supportive they have been of Zaush, I have no doubt in my mind that they would not actually declare him 'trusted', not as long as those allegations are hanging over his head. What's more, even a number of TRUSTED admins are not allowed to see some things, and even those few that ARE allowed are only so under very strict circumstances.

I sometimes wonder why people do the things they do, and cause all the drama they do. I'm certain that's a question that I will never find an absolute answer to. One thing is for certain: While some of it is trolling, most of it is simply self-destruction. People make such stupid decisions and like a grass fire, it spreads rapidly. The general public already has a low opinion of us furries for a number of reasons, and bullpoo like this is one of them. I'm not at all optimistic about people actually becoming any wiser for the wear in the wake of this mass-chaos, but I would very much like to be proven wrong on that note.

In closing, I thank anyone who took the time to read this, and I hope that the things I outlined have made you a lot more enlightened, put your fears to rest, and I also hope that the last thing I said in this journal have got you thinking a bit about this kind of thing in general. Anyway, see you all around, and if you're heading to any upcoming furry conventions, or about to come home from such trips, safe travels!

Over the last couple of days I have been logging onto FA and Facebook, and every time, my notifications are being flooded by the crap about this Zaush bloke being a sexual offender and now is an admin of the site. The real smoking gun is the ton of journals I am seeing about people leaving FA because they don't want a sex offender as an admin.

Well, today I finally said I have had enough of it, so I began digging around to learn more about all this. And you know what, people? It's all lies. I also found this journal which sympathises for my feeling and how everything everyone is doing is wrong. Sure, Zaush is not the best of people to get along with (and given the state of things, I certainly can't blame him - more about that later), but here's a news flash! EVERY SINGLE MENTION OF RAPE AND OTHER SIMILAR BULLSHIT IS ALL LIES AND PROPAGANDA! They are RUMOURS, people! Little more than LIES, LIBEL AND SLANDER! People say the whole thing is a scandal, and you know what? They are right, in a way. But that's because it's THEM who are causing the scandal! Every fucking person stupid enough to believe the shitty lies and propaganda is also stupid enough to leave the site for reasons even more flimsy than the fucking propaganda that said reasons are for!

Every other fur I see doesn't seem to be able to cope with all the drama, but even this causes said furs to quit FA! I'm going off MY fucking trolley here in the wake of all this drama. Sure, everyone who leaves would post a link to their Weasyl account so they can keep their watchers, but it seems to me that if they really cared about their watchers they wouldn't be leaving FA at all! Everyone says Zaush is a twat, but when everyone starts behaving like this, of COURSE the admins are gonna shoot 'em down! Those people can't seem to see that they are only getting banned for behaviour they brought upon themselves, and so they continue to make even more noise about it, except now they complain about getting banned for no reason. Um, sorry, but you HAVE A FUCKING REASON! Someone says a random rumour, you automatically assume it's true without even BOTHERING to find out if it really is, and you start laying down all this hearsay about Zaush. He can't cope with the folks that provoked him and so now poor Zaush's gone off his damn trolley! But in all fairness, I must say that if I were in Zaush's shoes, of COURSE I would treat people as harshly as the screencaps show in that journal I linked earlier. Perhaps you all ought to think about how YOU would feel if you were in that bloke's shoes! Who are the REAL twats here?! For SHAME, PEOPLE!

And even if it IS true, it's still VERY shameful that we all are carrying on the way we are. Not only did this sexual rape bullshit happen a long time ago (and that's assuming it DID happen), but the continuing behaviour from everyone else stupid enough to believe the hearsay gives the admins reasons FAR MORE THAN JUSTIFIED to ban them all! There's only ONE thing about all this that I am upset about, and that is that I actually felt the need to WRITE any of this, and post it in a farfetched hope that it would open the eyes of everyone around here. We're making a big deal over a past that may have never even existed, people! It's time to just forget about everything and move on!

We get upset over the general public not liking us, but it's bullshit like THIS that causes them to hate us! WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!

No doubt many of you will have noticed me disappearing off the face of the earth, and springing up from time to time. Whenever signed into Skype, I'm always 'invisible', and I have also been randomly showing up from time to time. Things have been very busy at the moment, and it's not really coming to an end. However, I am coming to the end of my studies at TAFE, which means I will be returning very soon. How soon? End of the week. This Friday. Officially, the school holidays start this week, but I have some more tasks to catch up on, and I'm opting to spend some much-needed time to get them finished. Whether or not I do pass, I'll be attempting the diploma course next, but that won't be until the start of next year. So long story short, you all will see me again, and you will see me very soon.

The following section is rated PG. It contains mild ranting.
On another matter, I am for some reason STILL receiving random friend requests on PSN, Steam, YiM, Skype, and in the case of 3DS and some Wii U requests, people saying that they have added me and I have not responded. I have said it time and time again, but people still don't seem to get it. If you wish to add me to ANY of the services you can find me on, you MUST identify yourself when you are writing the friend request message, OTHERWISE YOU MAY GET DISMISSED AS A RANDOM FRIEND REQUEST!! If the service you are adding me to does not use friend request messages, then PLEASE let me know you are trying to add me by including the name to look for! This is doubly important for 3DS and provisionally adding on the Wii U (friend card added displays 'Provisionally registered'), because I have no other way of knowing you are trying to add me there!

Do either of the above, ESPECIALLY if your name on the service is different to what I might otherwise know you as. The reason I reject random friend requests is because in the past, especially on PSN, I have had random people going after me and they will, for example, ask me to add them so they can use my account to get a DLC I have that they don't (referred to as gamesharing, such practices are illegal, and seldom work anyway), or in the most recent case, someone was trying to blackmail me into adding them so they could get me level 15 prestige on Black Ops quickly. I don't know what they were up to, but I politely declined, and they got more aggressive. I kept stepping up my tone, to the point where I finally stopped being polite altogether and just told them, "No, I will not add you, because I do not trust you enough." They got the shits with me and told me they would hack me and reset my progress in that game (being the sort to not be shaken by stuff like that, I was NOT impressed, and responded with, "Threatening me? I think not. That's REALLY gonna get me to add you."). I called their bluff (reported them anyway, because it's completely inappropriate to even joke about that), but shit like that should be more than enough reason to deny all random friend requests. I am very discriminant about who goes on my friend list, and want to be sure I am only adding people who genuinely want to be my friends. It keeps my list reasonably small and reduces the risk of being associated with anyone doing anything illegal.

I don't like having to keep saying it, people! If you can't include a message in your request, let me know ahead of time what you intend to do! It's not hard to send messages to me on here, folks. If you can just do that, then there will be no dramas.

I've decided it's time to expand my operation. I can now be found on Weasyl, at https://www.weasyl.com/profile/blackvulpine. Page is still under construction.

FA will continue to be my main site. I am simply branching out.

First off, all relatives I speak of in this journal are my RL relatives, not my FA relatives. I'm in the biggest dither I have ever been in my entire life.

With my sister about to move back into the house in six weeks, my stress will be reaching the boiling point. My options are already very limited, what with having to lock myself away in my room.

However, my grandma's health is continuing to deteriorate, and if she goes to hospital again now, her chances of returning are next to none. This itself isn't a problem, nor is having my parents come back to this house when she does go back to hospital, but my aunt will be coming back here to spend time with her during her final moments, and I get enough stick from her. She'll be all emotional and stuff, so it will be vastly worse Given the already high likelihood of my grandma going back to hospital, time is extremely limited for me. I may not even have more than 2 weeks, and that's if I am lucky.

I'm so bereft of ideas for maintaining my sanity at this stage. Having to deal with a pregnant sister is one thing, but having my most annoying relatives over here will be far too much. My only option might be to move out of the house for good. This should not be too much of a problem, because dad says that as a pensioner, I am entitled to have the government move me into public housing. But I am unsure of how I will be set for Internet access. I may have to set that out myself, and given that I am on only a pension fund, that will be problematic.

At this stage, while moving out will be the absolute last resort, it is also looking like the most likely outcome. But there's no real need to worry, for if I'm going down, I will go down with a fight, not a whimper. I'm not defeated yet, nor do I plan to be anytime soon...

Rest assured that if I DO have to disappear, it will only be temporary. I could never leave you people, for you have been so good to me all these years, and this is the only place I can truly forget myself. If I do disappear... I WILL be back.

On account of MSN closing down (I have confirmed this now), I am migrating to Skype. This means that my messenger preference is changing to Skype as well.

Those who have me on MSN but not Skype - please add me to Skype. If you do not have Skype, you can sign in using your MSN ID. Doing so will also merge your MSN contacts into Skype.

HOW OLD DO YOU ACT?

Borrowed from daddy  lead-fang

[x] You know how to make a pot of coffee.
[x] You keep track of dates using a calendar.
[x] You own a credit card.
[ ] You know how to change the oil in a car.
[ ] You've done your own laundry.
[x] You can vote in an election.
[x] You can cook for yourself.
[ ] You think politics are interesting

TOTAL SO FAR: 5

[x] You show(ed) up for school late a lot.
[ ] You always carry a pen/pencil in your bag/purse/pocket.
[ ] You've never gotten a detention.
[ ] You have forgotten your own birthday.
[x] You like to take walks by yourself.
[x] You know what credibility means, without looking it up.
[x] You drink caffeine at least once a week.

TOTAL SO FAR: 9

[x] You know how to do the dishes.
[x] You can count to 10 in another language.
[ ] When you say you're going to do something you USUALLY do it.
[x] You can mow the lawn.
[ ] You study even when you don't have to.
[x] You have hand washed a car before.

TOTAL SO FAR: 13

[x] You can spell experience, without looking it up.
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name.
[ ] Your favorite kind of food is take out.
[x] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need.
[ ] You understand political jokes the first time they are said.
[x] You can type pretty quick.

TOTAL SO FAR: 16

[ ] Your only friends are from your place of employment.
[ ] You have been to a Tupperware party.
[x] You have realized that practically no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[ ] You have more bills than you can pay.
[x] You have been to the beach.
[x] You use the internet every day.
[ ] You have been outside of your home country 3 or more times.
[ ] You make your bed in the morning.

TOTAL SO FAR: 19

[ ] You have filed a tax return
[ ] You have used a pay phone
[x] You have been served alcohol without being ID'd
[ ] You have purchased stamps at the grocery store
[x] You have purchased a lottery ticket
[x] You still have and use a VCR

Total: 22

(Is this really all that accurate? You be the judge, because every rose has its thorns, or something.)
Real Age: 18

Funny how some things work out. I always fancied myself as someone who was a lot more mature for my age. All part of being a teen male?

The internet is back to normal, and I'm back in service! Time to go nuts again!

This is a message to everybody who is connected with me on MSN and YiM. You may have noticed that I have been complaining of internet troubles. Well, I can tell you all a little bit more about this.

There have been some roadworkers in town, which are practically doing nothing but tear up the damn road for no apparent reason. Yesterday, there was a SNAFU (Situation Normal All Fucked Up) - they cut through some phone lines, knocking out our phone service, and capping our internet to 500 kb/s. The phone company told us it would be fixed later that day, but by then there was noise on the phone line, interfering with the internet and making the problem even worse, for which I had to shut down my messenger. They then said that it would be the following morning before the problem is fixed.

Now it's the following morning, and the internet has slowed to practically nothing. If you were to combine our upstream and downstream speeds, it wouldn't even make 50 kb/s, let alone 100. And now the phone company is saying the repair won't happen for several days!!! At the rate they are going, it could be fucking MONTHS by the fucking end of this! I swear, I wanna fucking STRANGLE someone, starting with those goddamn fuckups down the fucking road, who fucking started all this fucking trouble in the first fucking place!!

Ahem. Anyway, because of all this, I may not be seen again until the situation has been made normal. I'm sorry to anyone who this may upset, but this is what I have to do. There is no other option, unfortunately. I cannot do a damn thing.

Still, it could be worse. I could be leaving for good. But anybody who really knows me knows that ain't gonna happen!

I'm experiencing frustration in looking for a certain thing in Second Life.

For the past few months, I have been tirelessly up, down, left and right, but I absolutely CANNOT find a moddable costume or several moddable costumes that looks even REMOTELY like  big-wolfen. I'm getting desperate here, and I've finally had enough. So I'm putting the call out to everyone in the Furry community of Second Life.

I am trying to get a high-quality outfit for him. This is a commission that I am going to be making on his behalf, and I will be sparing no expense in getting it. So if you are or know anyone who is proficient in SL costume making, you are urged to come forward or tell them to come forward. Include links to pictures of anything else you may have done previously, if you have them.

That said, even if you have not got anything to show, at this stage I don't care who I get, as long as they are competent. Please put the word out, even if you cannot help yourself. Remember, I will pay any amount for this, I am that desperate. Payment in L$ is preferred (it can be converted to real money anyway), but I will pay you real money if need be.

TAFE is back sooner than I was expecting. It's a new semester, so we got a new schedule. It's now:
Monday, 8:30 AM to 2:30 PM
Wednesday 1 PM to 5:30 PM
Friday 8 AM to 2:30 PM. However, I also have something else on Fridays, so I will pretty much be out all night for them.
There will be one break period between 24/9 and 5/10. For all other days stated, I will be unavailable for most of the day. The IT Networking course is not finished yet, but so far it's been aced. Here's hoping the second half goes just as smoothly.

A few of you have been missing me, because I've only been on here every so often and never on MSN. I've been very busy though, with exams and shit. Good news is that it's the end of the semester now, so I now have all my hands free, just about.

Also, in other news, I have got my licence finally, on Wednesday. So happy for it! Yay!

Times are good, people. Let's enjoy it.

Apparently, Wolfen has been thinking of everything. Not only has  lead-fang come for me, he has told me that Wolfen told him to look after me. And I'm not the only one too. neysa was most certainly as badly hurt as I was, and he tells me that Wolfen told lead to look after him, too. Kudos to them both.

I'm still kinda out of it, and I imagine Neysa would be too. But thanks to Daddy Leady, I at least have renewed spirit in me. I'm not sure about Neysa, but judging by how he seemed when I last spoke to him, I think he's gonna be alright too. Of course, I still miss Wolfen, but I don't feel as bad. Still, I am hoping that my composure does not slip as time goes on.

It will be at least a full year before we ever see him again. I feel like that's a tall order. Still, if we can stay strong, we can hold out. Right now, all I'm looking to do is avoid flipping out like this ever again. Everybody else's support is also greatly appreciated.

Well, when you consider what I said in the last journal, and what he's posted in this new journal...

If there was ANYTHING left in me, any single shred of happiness, or glow in my eyes... it's gone now. I'm actually questioning why I'm still breathing here. Not that I AM thinking of suicide, mind you.

I still wonder what I am going to do with myself. I thought it wouldn't be able to get worse than it was, but... seems that things can ALWAYS get worse. I'm sure it could get even worse than this, too. I'm trying to take it off my mind, but unfortunately, some of the people I want to spend time with haven't been seen lately. My big draggy Daddy,  lead-fang for one. You hear me, mate? If you see this, I want you to contact me on MSN. I need you, RIGHT NOW.

I've made many friends during my time here on FA. Some well known, and others, just powerful friends in my own eyes. But none of them were more important to me than  big-wolfen. He and I have been together since my first days at FA. During that time, we became one of, if not THE most, strongest friends you have ever seen.

Losing friends is never easy to deal with, especially when it's someone you really came to respect at a time. However, as this journal shows, Wolfen is leaving FA indefinitely. To simply THINK about the fact that I have possibly lost him forever aggrieves me to no end. I have NEVER felt this depressed before, EVER. Oh sure, he says he will be back someday. After all, I said INDEFINITELY, not PERMANENTLY. But at this stage, it doesn't look good. Perhaps it's just the depression making me act pessimistic, but... let's just say I know he's scared, and I'm scared for him too.

In the end though, I have no idea what is going to happen. If we have not seen the last of him, he could still be away for a VERY long time. MONTHS at the least. And if I have absolutely, positively seen him for the very last time ever... Well, that's perhaps what scares me most: Not having the slightest clue what is going to happen, or what I will do.

Yes, I know, I'm pathetic. But I always have been then, haven't I? But at this rate, it looks to me like it's all over...

Of course, there's quite a laundry list, here. In my first few months of FA, I was request-crazy. I can honestly say I have since calmed down, but it's time to post the list of people who did art for me. If you see your name on this list, I am asking for permission to repost any or all items you have done for me. Your name will not be on this list if I have already reposted all stuff you did for me.
 mw2soag (4 arts, 2 stories)
 bloodread (1 art, 2 stories, 1 item already posted)
 yoshi-eats-your-pie (1 art)
 lead-fang (1 art)
 geekwhoeatsrice (1 art)
 redward (1 art)
 scolipede (1 art)
 felax (12 arts, 1 sequence of 7 pages, 1 item already posted)
timtylor (1 sequence of 6 pages)
 zicnoracel (2 arts)
 bainecooper (2 arts)
highboritos (1 art)
 big-wolfen (1 art)
 898 (2 arts)
fatkangaroo (1 art)
samael (1 art)
kelvinthelion (1 art)

This is the list of stuff that has been done. I do not know if it is all available, but it's all in my archives. Feel free to go looking for it yourself. If you are an artist who sees their name on this list, please let me know if you are willing to let me showcase what you have done in my gallery.