Know um not that active here other than lurking, life has been crazy for a long time and now...feel I hit rock bottom. Today...my mother passed. Pretty much thr last member of my family sept for her one cousin who is great...and i have a hand full of cousins who I disowned as they are nasty people. Nothing will really change here...I just...don't feel right, like this isn't real. Spend all day crying and nothing else comes out. Besides one close friend, I've not told anyone but my mother I was part of the furry fandom and she didn't care... I'd give up everything to have her back but I know that isn't going to happen.

I know alot of people in the past have put up journals like this for attention and what not. I honestly don't care nore want it. I just don't know really what to do, house doesn't feel right being alone, and no I'm not about to off myself or start drinking. Im...just venting I guess and I'm scared to be alone..

Okay, know I don't post much here, full time job sucks but got to make that green. None the less I hope the holidays will be great for you all, eating birb and pumpkin pie. Speaking of good stuff, good friend of mine BlueStarryArtisthas been doing commissions as of late as well as YCH art that is really damn good. She doesn't do XXX stuff (we all can take a brake from that) but her art is crazy good and can kill you with an overload of cute. Anyone looking for a new icon or just some slick art for yourself or a gift for someone, hit her up.

Okay so, just going to make this semi short. Yes I'm alive and such, just my full time job eats up my time and energy leaving me overly tired and stressed. Onto of all that...some not so nice people from the past have still been trying to push me, be it here or DA. Ontop of that...someone I viewed as a friend did something that really hurt me. I won't say who or what, just that it makes me feel I need to be away from fa and think twice before doing anything nice for someone.

Know it's been a long time from when I last did a journal, been busy as hell, but things are somewhat okay for me. But this journal isn't about me, it's about a really freaking good artist need some help. They had a sale going on and I think it's over for now, but might be future ones but even if not their quality is pretty high. They are pretty lexable, long as it's PG13, so if you lot are looking to get s9me art done then hit this person up

https://x.com/justgoodnotgr8/status.....906575973?s=20

PS: they do thr orders through discord, just give them a shout on twitterX if you can.

Want everyone to give a warm welcome to Senren They are somewhat new to the furry fandom, ditching the pit that is DA after their bots messed with him. He is a great artist and an all around nice guy.

Okay, know it's been a long time but yeah, I'm still alive. This year has just been...well, I'm sure everyone hates this year so far. So far the only good things that have happned so far are I got promoted to full time at my job and stores have been carrying gundam model kits. Little time to build them but still. The meh is I had caught covid twice. First time was horid, 0/10 would not recommend and the second time didn't hit me as hard.

The bad this year....first of last month, my uncle passed. He had caught covid and didn't tell anyone. In the end it was his usual antics of being bullheaded and stupid that did him in and while he pissed me off A LOT, I can't say I won't miss him. Still feels odd not having him around putting me down or spouting bad jokes.

With frustrating news, a user from DA well known for harassing people for their female fight art (no matter what the reason) set up shop here and yeah, same old thing. Arguing with them gets you a block and labeled an SJW in journals, Twitter, wherever. They were banned from DA a hand full of times (shows how crappy DA still is) and they have been doing the same here, more so just journals about how people block them for no reason. I'm sure most already know who this is but they aren't hard to find. Just save yourself the trouble with them, trying to talk to them is a waste of time and energy.

In other news...I've thought about maybe doing lil comics with the models and figures I have, like some people did back in the far off year of 2000, but want to know if anyone would be into that sort of thing.

This artist has been a great person and one I would consider a friend. Times have been overly tough for her and she needs a bit of help. I ask you all, if you can could you please give her a hand? Every little bit helps.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/33519042/

Title says it all, but I’m not the cat that needs help.  firefly8083 has a cute cat that is in trouble but the vet bills are fucking crazy. If you can help her at all, even just a little, that would be great.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9247044/

Well not a whole lot has changed so far. I did however get my first bonus for work and it was more than I was expecting. Still not enough to make things easy (not till my asshole uncle starts helping more) but it was still a nice bit. The only down side is that week we lost another dog. She was 18 years old, that's REALLY old for a little dog sure, but I feel she could have made it another year if it wasn't for my uncle. With her being half def, blind, and having dimentia she was prone to having panic attacks alot should she get lost in the yard, so we would put her out on the deck when she had to go out...and my uncle threw her outside early in the morning...I didn't find her till before noon as she was yelping under the steps. She couldn't move her legs sept for one that twiched alot. A few days later we found her dead in her bed when I got home from work...it hurt my mother but just pissed me off given my uncle always wanted to get rid of her... *sigh* well...now we have one, hopefully nothing will happen to her unlike her brother and mother.

Besides that, work has been normal. Stupid shit such as walmart getting too meany people on staff in my department and not enough anywhere else, but I'm still doing what I can, getting good hours but working my rear off.

Know I've been quiet here but I'm still alive for the most part. Things have been up and down on my end what with my job and house getting worked on. My Christmas wasn't all that great but I won't go into details other than it wasn't what I had hoped for, but I hope everyone else had a very good Christmas.

My job has been pretty okay, normally 32 hours a week and not too much stress if I can avoid some of the managers that are assholes just for the sake of it, but sadly I'll be losing 4 hours after this week. The busy season is over with for the time being and for some reason they are putting two more new guys on our team after we just got one before the holidays. Now we're over staffed by 2 people so naturally they are going to yank hours from others and hand them out to the new guys. I can only hope this won't be a long standing thing given the last few guys that came on were fired or quiet, so only time will tell how long these guys will last.

As for my house, things are slowly getting put back together...in the most fucked up ways. For starters, the guys that ripped up our floors and plumbing...seems those assholes stuffed a shop rag down our pipes and it backed things up BADLY, so we had to call a plumber to fix it ON THE WEEKEND. Needless to say we were all pissed but we were told we were going to get payed back for it all. We got carpet put back down in the house but it feels off in places, plus I feel they put down the wrong color as my mother picked out one with hints of red....and this has two shades of brown only in it....but whatever, better than walking on plywood and feeling like I'm going to fall though the floor. Can only hope things will start shaping up and I can get home net back.

Well not a whole lot has changed for me. Still got my job but it's getting rough. Seems the walmart high ups are making changes and it's just making things more a pain than they need to be, plus talk is 3 people in my department are getting fired. Thankfully I'm told I should be overlooked from this as I haven't done anything to get looked at let alone fired, but this means we'll be understaffed and work is going to be ultra slow during the christmas rush...ugh.

As for my house, things are still a mess but thankfully we're getting someone new to come look over things as the last guy...well...pretty much up and ran off, thankfully without pay. Still going to be without home net for lord knows how long...pisses me off as I need my net for games and such, but not like I'll die without it. It's just annoying as hell.

Well it's been about 2 months for me at my new job. Things haven't been great but not bad as well.

At home my uncle is still being an ass. Rarely giving my mother any money but dose when he knows he's pushing her too far...yet he still blows most if not all his money on gambling still ontop of him now saying he's not going to pay his taxes this year...really REALLY stupid given he's going to get soshal securaty money after his birhtday this money so we all know the government is going to take that away from him....dumbass.

At work things have been up and down. My department manager is still being a bitch and cutting some of my hours ontop of the store manager cutting hours for everyone in the store, plus the manager for returns is being a bitch as she keeps dumping her work off on me and pitching shit fits at me over small things or telling me I'm doing things wrong when I'm doing them as I was trained to do. On a plus side the two guys that were super lazy and crap, both of them got kicked out of the garden center and now they are working the overnight shift. It's bitter sweet as they are getting 50 cents more an hour but they also have to do twice the work and are looked at more so they can't bullshit around like before. Hopefully my hours will go up but of not then I'll have to talk to the store manager again.

Okay, got some news that I really do had to update asap.

Bad news first. I found out that COX cable (who my family get our tv, phone, and net hookup from) will charge us full price for net hookup if we go back onto the "bundle" seeing as we dropped it but kept tv and phone. This will go until the first of the year so basickly, I'm going to lose a shit ton of money a month just for net hookup a month or I go without home net until first of the year....no contracts my ass.

The good news....I GOT A JOB! A local walmart called back a few days ago and I go in Monday morning at 9am for a group talk and then get my ass to work. It's only part time but it's better than nothing, plus is $11 an hour so that's WAY better than minimum wage in my house. If I can do a good enough job to keep it I can move up to full time hopefully and make even more money. Got my fingers crossed things go smoothly tomorrow.

Well, just letting everyone know I'm not dead. I still have no home net and I can only get on like every now and then, going to a book store for their free wifi. I'm still looking for a job, been rejected twice for the shitty catch 22 reason that I haven't had a job before, also had a few jobs say they would call me in for an interview but then never call me back...ugh... As of right now I might get a job at walmart (not sure but they already made me take a drug test and those aren't cheep) and I have an interview first of the month with my city for animal control. Hopefully I can land one of these nice paying jobs to get home net back and be active again, but only after I take care of other things first.

Well...things have gone south for me in a bad way. My uncle refuses to help with bills, I'm still struggling to find a job, and my mom's health is now so bad that she finely admits she can't work anymore... so to save money we're calling in and having the net cut to our house. The only time I'll see stuff online is if I go to a wifi place but even then it will be rare...so...I'm going to be gone until we somehow start racking in enough money to turn the net on...so...hopefully I'll be back...some day.

Edit: Well, try as I might to settle things calmly and like an adult, the guy just refused. Wanting to talk down to me over and over again, twisting my words, saying I only cared about myself, and continued to calling me an idiot and cunt while telling people in a discord room his side (not showing them the notes) and laughing about it. I finely had enough put them on block as others had advised me. I don't really like using the block thing as it doesn't really help in the long run to me, but I just got sick of dealing with this that it's all I could do.

Wow...just got in a dispute with someone on DA over a commission from 2 years ago they never did for me. They "forgot" twice and the first time I was respectful, didn't poke or bother them till I didn't have the money for it, to witch they said they would do it for free. I didn't feel good with that as they were dealing with alot of family problems, I didn't want more things for them to stress about. Finely asked them about a commission and now they upped their price on me, from around $40 to $50 but now wanted $100. When I said it was too much they got a bit snobish "Fine by me, your loss. You won't find anyone with prices better than mine"...and that's when things started to get really nasty.

In the end, they started to get very vulger with me, cursing alot and calling me all sorts of names but not once did I say anything to get such a reaction. I'm not upset or anything, just shaking my head with how I seem to find nice artists who aren't such nice people when you look past said art. Seems to happen more on DA than here.

That old saying is very well true. I can't count how meany times I've been nice to people online just for the sake of being nice, just to be stabbed in the back or pushed aside later on. I don't expect to get anything out of being nice to people, I'm not nice just to get something out of it other than to be treated nice back, but it dose tend to get annoying at times that I usually get kicked aside while someone who only kisses ass then begs for handouts then get what they want. Then, if I were to ask for something or even ask for a commission, then I'm the bad person... I really don't know how this fucked up logic has spred like wildfire in the past few years.

Alot of times I just want to give up being a nice guy to anyone I come across as I know what's going to happen down the line...but it's just in my nature and I act like a nice guy anyway even when my brain tells me I'm going to regret it later on...my brain really hates me anymore -w-

Well...today we had to put my mother's dog Harley down. He was 12 1/2 years old and the only one of his litter that survived, and he was the runt of the litter of all things. He was a small maltese that was maybe 2 or 3 pounds on a good day and would want to fight anything that was bigger than he was. He would always greet my mom at the door and protect her even when she didn't need any protecting....he was a good dog...

R.I.P
Harley
5/5/05-12/4/17

People know I'm not really one for this sort of thing, mostly because stuff I say is ignored 90% of the time....but I can't let this go at all.

A good friend I met in SL is having super shit luck...like....SUPER shit just to have a roof over her head no thanks to a dumbass sister. She's a great singer and is offering her voice for anyone that needs a singer or voice actress. I ask you guys, if you know ANYONE that animates and such that needs someone with a good voice, point them to her NOW.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8407889/

Sorry I've not been active. Alot has been going on yet again and my sleep has been odd, like sleep well for a few nights then hardly at all later on.

has this site been getting hit by trolls harder than ever before after IMVU took over? Maybe I'm wrong but I could have sworn that it was a rare thing to see someone open a new account just to post overly disgusting photos (won't go into detail. Let's just say things that would make you sick or the one posting should go to jail) was a rare thing. Maybe find one front page two or maybe three times in a year. After IMVU took over it seems almost every other week someone is doing that crap. What I find just as messed up is that there are people that find that funny and take the side of the troll. I really don't know anymore about this site. Every month I just keep getting reasons to leave if it wasn't for the fact I have years of stuff posted here.

Mkay so...things are only getting worse right now so...I'm just sort of...wanting to be left alone. I know I have notes to reply to and I will get to them but not now... I'm not in the best mind set and I don't need drama right now.

my sleeping has still been a bit...ragged is about the best way to put it, and ontop of that some things elsehwere have put me in yet another depressed state as I put my trust in some people and yet again they broke it, gave me excuses, or just brushed me aside for no good reason...so I'm sorry for being slow and not replying to things..I'll try to get better at it.

Nothing depressing going on so don't worry about that. Reason I've been less active as of late is I haven't been sleeping very well for the past few days and don't know why. So forgive me if I'm slow with anything, I've had a lack of energy and just been really too tired to do much of anything but I'm not dropping things. I just need to catch up on my sleep and such so I don't pass out at the computer.

Know some of you were seeing the same picture going up and down alot. Reason behind that is after an edit with a some friends the size was WAY too big than it originally was. Just now got it fixed so things won't be re posted anymore.