There has been a question I've been asking from the very first day I ever got online and found FA and DA. When it comes to artists and fandoms I've seen something that leaves me confused. Almost 9 times out of 10, some of the best artists I've ever come across and I was able to talk to...turn out to be some of the worst people I've ever had to waste my time around.

Now this isn't to say every artist I talk to is like this, lord no. I've met alot of artists that are really nice people and do some really nice art...but it seems the ones that get the most popularity at times usually are only nice to people that 1. like them for no matter what they do and never question them or 2. have lots of money. Sometimes the money thing is never part of it and they are just assholes...for no good reason. I've just always found it odd how I talk to an artist and try to be as nice as I can be to them, showing them respect given they can do something I sure as hell can't...and they treat me like dirt usually for something very small and petty.

At the moment an artist came back on their alt account and their fame has slowly picked up, howevery they refuse to even talk to me over a dispute we had 4 or 5 years ago on a commission. A commission that for one, was a bit unfair. After agreeing on a price I was ready to send money to them a bit later...but SURPRISE! They jacked the price up on their work, and the reason is...and I quote. Their work was worth it... Now, if they really needed the money for a vet bill or something else I would have been fine, but first agreeing on a $10 picture and jacking it up to $25 just because they want to after we agreed on a price was low. In the end I got a lower price piece but still ended up paying $5 extra for it, none the less it was a good picture and honestly was perfectly done with what info I gave them. Even after all that I thought we parted on okay terms, even respecting them when they turned down more commissions as they were too stressed and I could understand that fully..but now they refuse to talk to me sept though someone else once and they say I'm a problem...because I disagreed with something?

That wasn't the first time a good artist has treated me like trash, there were lots of others long before them, but come to find out they treat alot of people like trash for small reasons...but I never understood why.

Again this is not to say all great artists are bad, far from it. It's just something I've seen alot when someone's popularity goes up be it quickly or over time. Is it because of the ego boost? The money? Or were they never nice people from the start? I never really get a good answer, and while I do mostly ignore these people it dose at times still nag me a little, seeing people give these artists pats on the back for their work and how great of a person they are without knowing they really aren't to other.

Ya know...when IMVU took over I've seen the number of trolling accounts on here grow like crazy. Hell one guy keeps on making new accounts and is bragging about it that he's on his 34th account. He was on account 22 just a week or so ago. I don't get how there isn't a way to permaban someone but...while that is annoying as sin as well given the full on racist, vulgar, and just flat out disgusting stuff they are posting...what gets me more is people supporting it. I mean, I get the hold saying "don't feed the trolls" by that meaning don't give in and start arguing with them...but isn't giving them a pat on the back just as bad if not worse? Honestly it seems every other month this place gets a little worse be it trolls, hackers, or just the people that now own this site doing something stupid to piss everyone off. Honestly if it wasn't the fact that it would take me forever to move all the art I have somewhere else I would have been gone a LONG time ago just like alot of other people.

Oh boy...where to start... Well, I got alot of projects on DA that have been backed up for a good while and I'm trying to knock them out as much as I can, that being the reason I haven't been so talkative here as of late. Been racking my brain to finish things and it ends up keeping me up late at night till I pass out. Ontop of all that, had to deal with alot of drama as well with some bratty teen wanting to attack me then play the pitty card when I fought back...go figure. Anyway, just letting you all know I'm not dead or ignoring anyone. Just wanting to get shit out of the way as much as I can is all.

Mkay well, as always none of the problems have at the moment on this site can be fixed by talking things out. Surprise surprise, sure we all saw that coming. While I just got back to being a little more active, think it's time to take another rest from this site as drama is getting to me.

Okay, finely got my project done for the most part and slowly catching up to stuff online.

Okay, I'm still neck deep in some work so I haven't been able to do much but it's SLOWLY getting done so I hopefully should have free time to be active here again...granted nothing has changed here as the one comment I've left in weeks already got a smartass reply to it that got under my skin by someone I thought was more mature than that...show how much I know.

Okay, so some might want to know where I've been. Honestly just been really drained to do much on here. I've had alot to do as of late and with the weather being over 100 every day it sucks the energy right out of me so I usually crash. I'll try and get to things soon as I can.

Update: Well got back from the bank and gamestop, wanted to make sure nothing in my bank account was messed with, thankfully not. Guys at gamestop really helped me out as they called the high ups and told them what happned as they knew what I only used my points on. They were able to get me my points back but just to make sure I also made a new email account with new passwords just incase the jackass hacker still wanted to try shit. Hopefully this won't happen again.

Well, last few days have been real nice, that is until FA got hacked up. Was fine just waiting..but just today I check my email...someone not only changed my Gamestop password but also used up all my saved up points for $23 in PSN credit. With it being so late the help hotline is closed so I have to wait until morning and go to any of the Gamestops in town and see if there is anything they can do. I already re changed my password so hopefully nothing else will happen...but I'm sure Gamestop wont' take my word for it and I'm shit out of luck. I don't know if I'm just unlucky or the hacker that attacked FA did this...hard to say...not like they can get into my bank account or anything thankfully but this is just annoying.

Strange coming me right? But yeah, after all that shit drama I've been dealing with for the past two weeks because of assholes and fake friends, today has been pretty good. Slept good after getting a new pillow, woke up at an okay time for once. Had to go out shopping and got myself a big mac for lunch and on the peel offs I won a free burger so now I'll have a free lunch later this week, and bought myself some of those backpack blind bag clips. One of FNAF, one of street fighter, and another of attack on titan and all three of them I got lucky. With FNAF I got a matalic golden freddy who isn't even listed on the bag and I have 2 normal gold freddy clips, street fighter I got a matalic blanka who is just as rare as gold freddy, and in attack on titan I got levi who is my fave character in that show because he's a badass.

Maybe this is a sign my luck is going to change or lady luck is finely being nice to me. None the less I hope this sort of luck keeps going.

Okay, enough of the drama crap as the bitch and her mindless grunts are blocked. Need to focus on something better...LIKE ROBOTS! I still have the new Gunam Breaker 3 game, haven't been on it in a while. I want to post pictures here of what I make on it but I don't know if they would be allowed on DA, cropyright and such.

This past week has been a nightmare for me and LOTS of things online have done nothing but upset me or cause me stress. So, I'm going to be quite for a while until I think I can handle things better than I can right now.

With it now bring spring, things are getting a bit busy for me plus there are some things going on here and else where that quickly kill any good mood I have. So I won't be super active for a while till things are sorted out.

As we all know, shippers are going to ship be it in fandoms or just their own thing and there is nothing wrong with that...and yes, this is not a rant. Shocking I know. For the longest time I've grown into a shipper and I'm sure most people I know are shippers to some level but one thing on my end has puzzled me for a long time. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4581389/ this guy right here,t he one on the right, Magnus...for YEARS the red and white fucker has been pretty much a lost cause when it comes to shipping...and I don't know why. For about 15 years now this one guy just can't seem to get a break as any time he somehow for the grace of god gets paired with someone else, they flat out drop it for next to no reason. How dose this not add up? Well, the last reason I was given is why.

The last go around that I thought "holy shit, this could work!" it was dropped because...he's an asshole? Really? Given the fact I've seen character FAR more crude and nasty than he is also the fact that freaking TAMMY not only got shipped but also married and with a kid...being an asshole dose not seem to fully be the reason, and if it is then people are taking things at face value. Old Magnus there has been kicked to the curb around 5 or 6 times over the years this way. So yeah, I just don't get it, granted he isn't the only one going for swims after ships but he's been swimming for the longest time. Just never understood the no reasons people have or stupid reasons that can be countred with logic.

Well, I just finished the single player game of EDF 2025 4.1 and it was a blast...with lots of blasts all around me. Only finished it with the Ranger/trooper class and have 3 other classes to use, one of them being my fave as he has a gun that shoots a metal fist...yes you heard me right, he punches with his gun and it's as epic as it sounds. I really would like to get EDF fan art done later down the line as it's such a great game series that is hardly ever looked at.

Shocking I know given how I am, but lets forget the angry stuff and little art stealing brats. Lets talk about bugs...GIANT BUGS FROM SPACE OUT TO KILL US ALL! For those that really know me, I just LOVE old school giant monster movies and a game like EDF is just a god send to me. I've played every game in the series on the consoles from Xbox 360 to PS3, sadly never any of the PSP and PSveta games. I figured the last one, EDF2025 was going to be the last but OH GOD was I wrong and thankfully so. EDF 4.1 The Shadow Of New Despair was just released a few days ago and oh my god...I want this game so freaking bad. It's more so the same as the last one, same characters and such but everything is beefed up on the PS4, there is little to no frame rate drop, more stuff to blow up, new giant monsters, and you get to pilot a GIANT ROBOT AND FIST FIGHT A GODZILLA RIPOFF! So its EDF2025 on crack and steroids....it's so freaking cool! Now, this game series is no Borderlands, Gears of War, Halo, or any super title some websites kiss up to. No it dose have a few flaws but it makes up for them and more in charm and crazy fun. I mean you get 4 character types, a ton of weapons, buildings that you can blow up in the cross fire, and TONS of monsters to trash. If you like old school monster movies or like to vent frustration by crazy stupid violence then this game will keep you happy for a good while.

And just so some of you can see how stupid fun this is. https://youtu.be/VJqvBxS1lIA

Okay, I still don't know what this is about but, holy fucking ass crackers Batman. These fans sure are nutty as a can of cashews! This started with GreenLegend as they had gained a crazy fan, and by crazy I mean they were borderline stalker. Now, I'm not one to bash for fans, hell I'm a fan of a few people but...there is a line you should not cross. This guy would CONSTANTLY go around FA and DA EVERY day looking for people to do free art, rarely anyone doing cheep commissions and every picture would be about Green. Normally this is just funny but given this went on for a LONG time it just came off as creepy along with other things they did Green related. This fan also went bat shit crazy on me, threatening me with a DA and FA journal saying they were going to make me wish I had never been on those sites...all because I felt a video game character didn't look like an animal they thought she did...the hell?

Now, the crazy person hasn't acted crazy after that, seeing as I was about to report him till Green stepped in, but he's still an asshole to a pretty good level but now ANOTHER one shows up, this time going bonkers over my friend daiger but in a way that is just flat out rude. Unlike the last one, this guy for some flipping reason thinks it's cool to take art others have done for my friend or art he drew himself and plaster it elsewhere on the net. From what I saw he did give credit, that's a good thing...but my friend and the other artist had no idea this person was doing this until after I showed them. Now, Daiger is a really nice guy, I mean really nice...honestly don't think I've ever seen him even annoyed let alone angry. He was pretty much okay with this and I left it alone even if it annoyed me but...could only take so much. When the guy did it again, this time here on FA, I pointed some things out seeing as he was also posting up COPYRIGHTED pictures from LEVEL-5 games. We all know that's never a good sign. He got a little nasty with me over this, threw a small temper tantrum and that's when I could take this no longer and I chewed the punk out as it's pretty clear he dose not really give a shit.

Now, it's true I've been a little green faced with others gaining popularity out of the blue but I'm still happy for them, mostly if they are my friends...but....when someone like this acts like a spoiled brat over something so petty and doesn't think about how rude it looks to pretty much steal art from others...well...I just can't keep quiet or deal with that for too long before I lose my temper.

Just last night, someone who I flat out can't stand put me on their watch list. This is the third time so far and I don't get it. Their excuse was they like what little art I have and want to be informed when I post more, however they still can't stand me as much as I can't stand them and wish to never talk to each other ever again. I find this really stupid seeing as I don't post much up there these days and, state again, this person and I flat out hate each other big time given this person just hates everything about me and I hate them for how meany times they have tried to stab me in the back and do all sorts of crap to me in an online group in the past just for the hell of it. It hardly matters anymore as I put the borderline psycho on the block list as I don't trust them what so ever but it still feels ick that they are sort of stalking me in a way...I mean, why add someone to your watch/friend list if you flat out hate them? It's freaking creepy.

Well...as you know last friday was really not good for me...and things haven't really changed. I still cry every now and then when things remind me of my grandmother but I'm slowly getting better...however my luck still has not changed. The very next day I got an IM on skype from someone I thought was a friend...talking down to me as if I had did him wrong badly and took me off his friend list saying I was not a friend as I had not been talking to him. The kicker is, every time I tried to talk to him he was never in the mood, overly tired because of his new job, or just never on for months on end. The few times he did reply to me he would say he doesn't feel like talking and needed his space so I did as he asked....yet he talked to me as if I had stabbed him in the back and he very well knew what had happned to me and didn't give a damn. Day after that mess another friend just took me off her friend list as well as watch list on DA without warning or saying anything to me...to top it all off I had plans for this october to go to a fair that goes on every october here for the past 30 so years...just to find out they won't hold the fair any more so my plans to relax are all up in smoke... this never ending bad luck needs to stop.

Well...today I had to call 911 again to send my grandmother to the hospital. Seems the port she had for dialysis wasn't working and this was the third or forth one they gave her. They were sending her to the hospital to get a new one but for some reason she was rejected until tomorrow or monday... When she got home she was really sick and I had to call 911...just a moment ago we got a phone call that she had passed as all the toxins building up just stopped her heart... I honestly didn't see it coming and already feel like a part of me has been ripped out.

Well, today my grandmother forced her way out of the hospital and yes I do mean forced. Dispite what others said she demanded to be sent home even with her health not in the best of levels seeing as she can barely stand. Things are going to be really rough for me as once again I'm the only one healthy enough to watch out for her while my mother works during the day so its back to little sleep for me. I don't mind it that much but its her disposition and how she's been acting that gets to me. So with that, if I reply to things slower than normal you now know why and please try not to push me too much as I'll most likely be running on 2 or 3 hours of sleep a day, this goes double for those that shall not be named but I don't want to hear a god damn thing from you, got it bitch? Everyone else, you're cool. Hopefully something will sink into her head and she'll start working on getting her leg muscles back (her caves are nothing but skin and bones I sware) but until then this matter comes first...trying to be really hopeful about this as I'm still fearing she won't make it till the end of the year.

Edit: Mkay, so I was told it was a bad idea to be given the "warning" Well honestly it was a good idea as I can know who my real friends are. Yes, I know I'm down in the dumps alot and I'm sorry for that and sorry I'm an open book with you all but thats just how I am, not to say I don't have my good days as I do, however when things are bad or something like this is forced on me it dose tend to kill a good mood you know? None the less, the pain in the ass is blocked and I hope sooner or later people will learn the truth about them and how they treat people that don't kiss their ass. Thats one less person I have to deal with and hope I never have to ever again and hope things will be better after this.

Okay, I'm told people are talking behind my back to someone I don't really like, talking how I'm such a bad person because I'm upset or depressed alot. Well here I would like to say, if you got something to say then say it to me, don't be a little shit head and talk about me behind my back. Yeah I'm depressed alot and I'm an open book with people but I do have my good days but its crap like this that put me right back in the bad way of thinking. Given this person who I won't name but they know who they are treated me like trash and called me some very low things and thought it was funny, I don't really consider anyone like that a friend along with those that want to gosip about me with her when they don't know every thing about me. So I'm going to lay it out here, fucking stop it, end of story.

This little argument has been going around for a long time far as I know. Some people saying FA is better than DA and some saying DA is better than FA...as of this year from my point of view, both of them are pretty much going down hill. First we have FA's fuckups with the first one being 3D artists getting their work ripped down and pretty much kicked out of FA by one admin about six or so years ago for pretty stupid reasons. Now I can understand the copyright thing, don't want anything with copyrights in it but some artists made their own models or textures for their art and it was still ripped down...things just went down hill from there till this year with the IMVU thing that has drove even more people off this site including myself as I won't be posting anything here anymore as I don't want some jackass on IMVU to take any art that was made for me and then selling it on a shitty Second Life ripoff.

Then we have DA...now it goes without saying that site is not really furry friendly most of the time but it has been okay. The admins however are BAD as it would take months if not years for them to do something yet are more than okay to spend months thinking of a new look for the site's logo, that's really the only thing FA had over DA as the admins here would reply alot faster here. If that wasn't bad enough DA has a bad track record with people stealing art and it only got worse when the admins would do nothing about it no matter how meany reports they would get with proof...but they now reached an all time new low. Now they tossed out the ability to report people from stealing art, that's right on DA you can not send a trouble ticket about someone stealing your art...now you have to ask the art thief to kindly take down your art and if they don't you now have to go to a form and submit a complaint along with answering a bunch of questions and they MIGHT get to you. All that plus at the same time they thought it was a grand idea to jack up the price to get a pro membership now calling it a CORE membership.

Between us on FA getting sold out to IMVU and the DA admins giving artists the middle finger, both websites have pretty much hit rock bottom if you ask me and I don't see things getting better from here.

Well, my grandmother got back from rehab two days ago so things are really busy in my house, this is only because she demanded to leave even when everyone knows she shouldn't have. My uncle also had another stent put in him but rather than fallow doctor's orders the fool still wants to go right back to work and do alot of things that caused his heart attack in the first place ontop of stressing me out and being super emo about EVERYTHING. If that wasn't bad enough some things here on FA have just...really killed what little good mood I have left. No I'm not being emo or bitching, I'm just really stressed out and it has taken a tole on me as my sleeping is out of whack and I haven't been feeling good. I try to have my own fun here with people but...eh...things don't go well and no one is happen in the end so just need time to calm down. I'll still reply to notes when I can but I really shouldn't be on as much as I normally am until things calm down.

Well, things are still not all that great for me. Not super bad like before but just...eh...

For starters, I'm the only one in my family right now that isn't badly ill for some reason. About five months ago now my grandmother had a heart attack and its been an uphill battle as her kidneys have also got all blah on her because of it. She's in a rehab center to help get her strength back but she's been fighting alot of the treatments for some reason. My uncle just a few days ago had something happen to him heart related, still don't fully know what, so he's in the hospital now. Today I took my mother to the doctor for a checkup and she's retaining water and it's making her have a hard time breathing so....woot that I'm not sick but holy shit.

With other things, just found that coelacanth1938put me on their block list. Don't know why but I'm sure I have a feeling what it might be. I never really got to talk to him but did have alot of respect for him and still do given if it wasn't for them I would not even be looking at this site let alone be on it and because of that I wouldn't have talked to a few people that I know consider to be friends. If anyone would mind telling him thanks for me that would be nice. I don't expect him to unblock me or anything as its his call but to just give him that lil thank you would be great.

Hopefully things will start to change for the better once summer is over...honestly can't wait till this heat is gone.

*sigh* okay this is driving me crazy and adding to my stress level. I have people saying I won't make any money as I can't do shading yet also have people saying I should still try. I want to because the money would help a tiny bit but I'm tired of the negativity. No I'm not a super great artist but I'm also not going to be charging a bunch of money like other people because of that...and it gets under my skin more that no one really says anything and those that do give me negativity... well, we'll see how this goes.

Well, hope people are happy as I took down the journals about that bitch seeing as people are now taking her side. Honestly at this point, if people want to take her side then stay the hell off my page as you don't know what crap she put me though while using me as her shield to protect herself from people she pissed off. If you are going to say its my fault then fuck off.