i know it's the third, but fa's been down and i've been afk for the past three days so i have an excuse, shhhhh.

2015 had some great moments but overall it wasn't a good year at all- and i think that seems to be the general consensus. i did, however, go to my first furcon and make a whole bunch of friends which was really cool! actually, i went to quite a lot of conventions in 2015 and hopefully 2016 is going to contain even more. buuuut we'll talk about them later or i'll just get excited and the months will drag.

hogmanay/new year's eve was... it was eventful in the best of ways. i went to a party hosted by a friend i haven't seen properly in a couple of years, and it was packed with people i adore and haven't seen in a long time. we drank a lot, i smoked my way through a large pack of fancy cigarettes, drank some more, sat in the kitchen for hours talking and danced to classic 90s house/trance. the energy was so positive- after the slump i've been in for months it made me feel so much better. i also crashed out and slept for about 12 hours which was the best sleep i've had in months too so that just helped my mood that little bit more. sometimes you get so caught up in life things you can neglect friendships, so i'm lucky that my friends understand what i've been going through. goes for you guys as well.

clove and i were meant to come home on new year's day- the party was in another city- but when we got to the coach station it turned out all the extra coaches they claimed to be putting on didn't happen. with no trains either and nowhere to stay- there were no buses running far enough to get us back out to our friend's flat. instead of stressing, because that never helps in this kind of situation, i booked us a nice hotel room in the city centre. finding a hotel room on new year's day in the capital city isn't easy or cheap but it turned out to be completely worth it. we got another nice night's sleep and it felt like a spontaneous break. it also meant i got to meet up with klone today for some shopping time.

i don't do new year's resolutions, i find them hokey and insincere, so nothing mushy to end this journal on. i hope you had a good start to 2016 and i hope it treats you all well!

browsing fb at 1am this morning, i saw news i really wasn't expecting to see... well, ever. lemmy from motorhead passed away.

normally the deaths of famous people don't really affect me- i feel bad for their families, friends and fans then i move on. the difference with lemmy is he was one of the musicians who got me into heavy rock & metal way back when i was a kid. i've got good memories of sitting in the attic with my cousin at his house listening to motorhead, black sabbath, dio, judas priest, those kinds of bands and it's like a punch in the gut to see people who shaped your childhood pass away.

rock on man.

the christmas holiday season is not one i'm particularly fond of for many reasons, but this year was pretty awful.

i was working right up until christmas eve night, but i was sent home from work early because i was really ill. i've had too many day off due to sickness so my contract isn't being renewed- i'll be unemployed as of the 1st january. i dehydrated so badly due to whatever bug i had that i nearly spent the rest of the day in a&e on a drip.

then came christmas day. the plan was to stay home with my partner and have dinner here, but our fridge broke and all our food was spoiled come the morning and our heating wouldn't work. so we had to go to my parents... it was fine for a bit but my mum and i struggle to get along so it resulted in a lot of tension and arguing.

then the worst bit...

we got home yesterday evening. when we pulled up to the building all the lights in our flat were on, which was odd as we'd checked them all before leaving. we got to the door and found it lying open. inside, the contents of our flat had been thrown around everywhere as if people had just torn through it in anger. clem's cage had been smashed in, and we found him cowering next to cinnamon on the other side of the room- i saw red at that point because our intruders clearly tried to cause harm to our pets. they didn't actually take anything aside from my bag of medication and some alcohol-flavoured chocolates. we do, however, have really shady upstairs neighbours who apparently did a runner on christmas day so it's likely whoever came to our flat got the wrong address. they also left big muddy footprints everywhere so the police are going to review them and the cctv footage from our courtyard.

i want to say i'm keeping optimistic and say that things can only get better but in truth i'm just bogged down with an overwhelming feeling of dread, worrying what nasty thing is going to happen next.

i'm sitting on the cold floor of victoria coach station. i'm so sleepy and outright exhausted, but our coach isn't for another three hours. i just want to get home and get into my bed to be honest.

it's been such a wonderful holiday though~

hiiiii hi hi!

first off, some amazing news. today i proposed to clovencreeds at the top of the staircase in the natural history museum and he accepted!! we're starting to plan our wedding, which'll happen sometime between late 2016 and mid 2017. gotta save up those pennies!

also i'm typing this from a hotel in london. we're here for a week (we arrived on tuesday) and we've already done so much it's unbelievable. so far we've done tons of stuff and we still have five days left to do lots of stuff in. a quick breakdown of everything:

tuesday
arrived in london via megabus gold- a coach with beds so you can sleep the whole way there. headed to camden first and i spent a bit too much money in cyberdog (oops) on some nice new clothes. then it was off to london zoo. i booked the tickets in advance so we didn't have to queue. not going to list all the animals we saw since there were loads but i got to see a gorilla for the first time in years!

wednesday
so much shopping... so much... because we went to oxford street! first we stopped off at hamleys though because i'm a giant kid at heart, then the apple store because clove loves tech and works for apple. then it was the huge lush store where they let me use my staff discount. i have soooo many exclusives, including the guardian of the forest bath bomb which is literally me in bathing form. after ages on oxford street it was then time for one of the biggest parts of our holiday- the harry potter warner bros studio tour! which meant quite a trek out to watford and a shuttle bus to the tour but it was so worth it. we didn't have time to do the full three-hour tour but we got lots of pictures, saw our favourite sets from the films and had a genuinely magical time. even better was the fact that, since it's leading up to halloween, the studio was doing a dark magic special. a bunch of death eaters were wandering around. at the end i bought myself a cosy slytherin scarf.

thursday
museum time! i was so nervous because today was the day i was going to propose to clove. i'd been planning it for months and there'd been a hiccup with the ring but i decided it was the right time. so i decided to do it in the natural history museum. afterwards we wandered around, taking in everything and remembering how special to us the place already is. it feels like a home away from home to me. and of course, i came away from the gift shop with another rabbit plushie plus a textbook on rabbits. afterwards we had a quick wander around bits of the v&a museum but it wasn't really our thing, then lunch and a bit of a wander around the science museum. we were so tired that we ended up heading back to the hotel in the middle of the afternoon, and we've been here since aside from a quick walk to the o2 centre for dinner.

the next three days we're going to be at london mcm to meet up with friends and do a bit of nerdy shopping which is going to be fun! i'm wearing my cat kigu one day but i'm not sure about the rest. i forgot to pack any cosplay since we were in a hurry to get to the coach station on monday night. monday is a day at the lush spa, and tuesday is going to be odds and ends before we head back up to scotland.

best. holiday. ever.

i'm so exhausted at the moment so i'm not massively active anywhere; if i'm not at work or uni then i'm sleeping because that's the only time i really have to rest up right now. my social life is non-existent for the foreseeable future too but getting a good grade for my degree is important and i need the money from the hours at work.

a week on mondau (october 19th) i'm going to london with clovencreeds! it's a combination my-birthday-his-birthday-our-anniversary trip so we'll be there for a week. doing the usual touristy stuff like the museums of course but we'll also be going on the harry potter studio tour, seeing the stage version of wicked, going to london mcm expo and the yogscast live event too. exciting! oh and visiting the huge lush oxford street store because i love nice bath and shower stuff.

we've also registered and paid for confuzzled 2016. we're on site at the hilton (yay for getting one of the double rooms). this con is going to be super important for us- it's our first outing as jackalope studios! we're confirmed for the dealer's den so look out for us. buuuut more about that later.

for those of you thinking of going to confuzzled next year, registration opens tonight!

last time deciding to go was a last-minute choice for me so this year i'm going to be right on it. plus clovencreeds needs to get space in the dealer's den. oh and we'll be staying on site and upgrading to the sponsor tier!

i've picked up dragon age inquisition as a de-stresser. since uni's started back up and i'm also working i don't have much time to myself, so it's nice having a fantasy rpg to throw myself into without having to worry about the outside world. still bitter that my favourite love interest was meant to be bi but they ran out of development time :| i wanted to romance cullen dammit! and i'm so tempted to go replay origins so i can romance alistair. you'd think it was some kind of dating sim the way i'm going on about it.

i also treated myself to this because i am trash. and very gay for my dragon age husband.

it's... not been the best of weeks.

when i went to check on the rats a few nights ago i found poppy dead in the cage. a couple of nights later i found sasha curled in her nest struggling to breathe and she passed away in my arms half an hour later. i've never had a bond with an animal like her before and it was- it still is- utterly soul destroying.

also gp surgeries are useless. my old one turfed me out for moving "too far away" (ten minutes down the road) and i had to register with a new one. i phoned them up because i'm out of medication for all my chronic illnesses and was told it's not an emergency and that i could have an appointment in two weeks. so now i have to ration out the last few pills i have left to keep me going. in the meantime i'm suffering horrid abrupt withdrawal symptoms: being sick, having balance problems, increased fatigue, insomnia and cold sweats.

my training sessions and first shift went well! it's so nice to be working in such a funky shop full of nice things + wonderful people, and i come home smelling wonderful every day i'm in. we got in a new face mask i wanted to try so i was going to buy one after my shift, but my supervisor was like naaah and gave me a free sample.

we've also welcomed new additions to our little fluffy family this week. first is a kitten called fenris who is very cuddly and playful. he's already well trained for such a young kitten. he'll be getting his microchip soon and neutered not long after. gotta do what's best for our baby! yesterday we also brought home two rats named poppy and morrigan.

also you should all totally tell me about your pets.

my boyfriend clovencreeds and i have decided to open up an art and craft shop with the aim of selling at furry conventions. we're going to be called jackalope studios; i've set up a furaffinity account with links to elsewhere over here.

creeds will be doing all our artwork and i'll be doing various small crafts such as pin badges, bracelets, animal ears, tails etc.

we're aiming to get our name out there with uk furs, as we're planning to sell at confuzzled 2016. this gives us plenty of time to work out a business plan and start making goods to sell at the con.

about a month ago i applied for a job at my local lush store. i absolutely love their products and i'm in there so much that the staff know me by name anyway. so i thought hey, what's the worst that can happen? if i got rejected then i'd get rejected. plus after five years of having health issues i'm finally back on a managable path so it'd be something i could do.

and i got a surprise when three days later i opened up my inbox to find an email asking me to a group interview. so i went, did the usual thing- i was so sure i flubbed trying to sell my favourite product- and came away from the evening with a goodie bag and a promise of hearing back by the next evening. another email came through the next day offering me a trial shift. my trial shift was on saturday for an hour and it didn't just go well but i loved it. i got to do demos of products, talk to customers, blow giant bubbles around the store and talk about eco/social campaigns. as i was leaving at the end of the trial the manager told me she'd call me back by the next afternoon. well...

i got the job!!

so now i work for lush which is really exciting for me because i get to work in a nice environment and take part in social change campaigns. the extra money coming in certainly doesn't hurt either!

the uk is currently under a very right-wing government who are determined to pass some really disgusting laws that will have huge effects across the country.

one of these is to legalise hunting with packs of dogs again which is a dangerous, harmful blood sport that serves no purpose other than a pastime for the rich.

not only does this affect the uk’s already-threatened wildlife and ecosystems, but it also affects the packs of dogs used in the hunts. once the dogs aren’t “useful” they’re killed. add this to the fact wildlife are terrorised and ripped apart by the dogs for sport… well, you get the idea. it’s awful.

please sign the petition calling for our members of parliament to vote to keep the hunting act and/or take part in other ways!

(even if you live in scotland it’s still important- scotland has a large number of mps who can still currently affect the outcome!)

equal marriage is now legal in all 50 US states! that's such a huge step! congratulations to all my lgbtq+ american friends! i remember how happy i felt when my country legalised equal marriage last year. go celebrate! this also has major positive implications for the world. you know the saying "when america sneezes the world catches a cold"? it has such a world influence- and this time it can be used for good.

if you think this isn't something big or just pointless then this quote is very relevant:
"It's worth remembering why marriage equality became so vital: it was during the AIDS crisis. Insurance. Hospital visitation. Inheritance."

we still have so far to go as a global equal rights movement. we're making good steps. we need to use this as a platform to keep on going!

if you haven't seen the latest fa update by now, then tl;dr they've let hardcore irl porn ads be displayed on the site. two of the grossest banners i've had so far have been for rape porn and those "cheat on your wife" ones. gross.

there's a petition here to have them removed so it'd be good if you could sign it and spread it around:
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/.....move-adult-ads

there's such a big difference between mature furry art- which can also be hidden- and having porn involving real people forced on you. not to mention irl porn goes against the fa t&cs.

is anybody going to kitacon, pride edinburgh or manchester pride over the summer? we could meet up!

i've been away from home for nearly two weeks. while i've had fun, it's been very exhausting and it's nice to be back in my own bed. travelling is something i love but i can't do it without knowing there's so much warmth and love to return home to as well.

it's also lovely to be cuddled up with my boyfriend clovencreeds with our two bunnies (clementine & cinnamon) hopping around our feet and our rats (ruby-anna, sasha & pumpkin) playing around in their cage.

i had the best weekend at confuzzled omg it blows any other con i've ever been to out of the water!! i'll write up a full con report later but right now i'm going to eat dinner after 17 hours sleep.

shoutouts to  klone,  xantouke,  nekofudanshi,  neonpossum,  pyropaws,  fawnspots,  miri,  morgoth883,  Arrodynamic,  ReeverPanda, Fiero Nightlion and everyone else i met over the weekend!

well, tomorrow technically.

i leave for confuzzled tomorrow morning! going to stop by  klone and  xantouke's house in edinburgh tomorrow night so we can get our train to birmingham together- it leaves just after 6am on friday. i'll be back on tuesday evening, probably exhausted but also very happy.

i can't wait to meet people! if you see me just come up and say hi ok?

i rage-deleted this journal at the weekend because tl;dr the guy who booked the room and was driving us there bailed last-minute and it looked like i wasn't going. but! it all got sorted and i am so you have to put up with me posting this yet again.

Where are you staying?
ibis budget/etap/idk what it's calling itself

What day are you getting there?
friday morning

Who will you be with?
travelling with xantouke & klonetheras. going to hang out with neonpossum, pyropaws and some others!

Do you do free art or trades?
i can do you an awful, awful sketch if you really want

Do you do commissions/badges?
no

Do you have prints/CDs?
nope

Do you have art in the art show?
no but xantouke might (so check it out)

What suit(s) will you have?
i don't have a suit- hopefully in the future though!

Can I dance with you?
of course, dancing is great

What is your gender?
male

How old are you?
24

How tall are you?
5ft 5ish

Are you mated? in a relationship?
i'm with captaincreeds but he's not coming along, he's got to work

Can I touch you?
no, that seems a bit creepy

Can I talk to you?
of course, i love talking!

Can I hug you?
if you know me or we've talked/spent time with each other then sure

Can I take photos of you/with you?
i dunno why you'd want to take a photo of me, but i don't mind being in photos

Can I buy you lots of drinks?
please do!

Do you drink Alcohol/Smoke?
yep and occasionally, mostly if i'm drunk

Can I give you lots of money?
throw your cash at me, just do it

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
hugs are fine with me but snuggles are reserved for close friends

Can we hang out?
yep!! i can wait to meet new people and see people i already know

Are you nice?
i promise- i don't bite or anything!

Where will you be most of the time during the con?
panels, the lounge, spending too much money in the dealers den...

Other cons you may go to?
confirmed for kitacon in july :D

Who are you rooming with?
xantouke & klonetheras

Attending any events?
of course- pub quiz, fursuit dance comp, eurovision party to name a few

How can I find you at the con?
i have blue-green hair, a black collar with a milky-white crystal hanging from it, and several badges of my 'sona brambles

today's the general election in the uk. if you're registered, then vote. it's really important! due to young voter apathy the over-50s keep messing us up with right-wing governments. we don't have a fair democratic system but it''s better than nothing. so please vote!

i voted first thing this morning- green party as usual.

OKAY SO i still have deecon and amecon, not to mention a bunch of uni work, but i keep getting so hyped for confuzzled! this is going to be my first ever furry convention, and it's even got an underlying theme of rabbits with the whole wonderland deal! when it gets closer to the date i'm also going to do the confuzzled meme.

ALSO my really great friend neonpossum made me this amazing conbadge of brambles as a gift <3 his fiancé pyropaws also did me this wonderful commission. you should totally check out their work- it's really great!

i dunno if it'd be cringey and not something people really do but i'm tempted to make myself a tail and lop rabbit ears to wear on a couple of days of the con. who knows? still two months to go. BUT I'M EXCITEEED!

dildos.

a list of conventions i've attended over the years.

2006
MCM Expo - October 28th to 29th - London, England

2007
MCM Expo - May 26th to 27th - London, England
Japan Ex - July 21st to 22nd - London, England
MCM Expo - October 20th to 21st - London, England

2008
MCM Expo - October 24th to 25th - London, England
MCM Expo - October 24th to 25th - London, England

2009
MCM Expo - May 23rd to 24th - London, England
Ayacon - August 14th to 16th - Coventry, England
MCM Expo - October 24th to 25th - London, England

2010
Kitacon - March 26th to 28th - Nottingham, England
MCM Expo - May 29th to 30th - London, England
Amecon - August 13th to 15th - Keele, England
MCM Expo - October 30th to 31st - London, England
Auchinawa - November 19th to 21st - Edinburgh, Scotland

2011
Kitacon - April 1st to 3rd - Birmingham, England
MCM Expo - May 27th to 29th - London, England
MCM Expo - July 30th - Manchester, England
Ayacon - August 19th to 21st - Coventry, England
MCM Expo - October 28th to 30th - London, England
Fushicon - November 18th to 20th- Nottingham, England

2012
Deecon - April 7th - Dundee, Scotland
Kitacon - April 13th to 15th - Birmingham, England
MCM Expo - May 25th to 27th - London, England
Tokonatsu - August 3rd to 6th - Milton Bryan, England
MCM Expo - October 26th to 28th - London, England

2013
Dojcon - April 13th - Dundee, Scotland
MCM Expo - May 24th to 26th - London, England
MCM Expo - July 20th - Manchester, England
Ayacon - August 16th to 18th - Coventry, England
MCM Expo - September 7th - Glasgow, Scotland
MCM Expo - October 25th to 27th - London, England

2014
Kitacon - March 28th to 30th - Birmingham, England
MCM Expo - July 26th to 27th - Manchester, England
MCM Expo - September 6th to 7th - Glasgow, Scotland
MCM Expo - October 24th to 26th - London, England
Auchinawa - November 14th to 16th - Glasgow, Scotland

2015
Deecon - April 4th - Dundee, Scotland (dealer)
AmeChibi - April 10th to 12th - Nottingham, England
Confuzzled - May 22nd to 26th - Birmingham, England
Kitacon - July 31st to August 2nd - Birmingham, England
MCM Expo - October 23rd to 25th - London, England

2016
Just Fur The Weekend - March 25 to 27th - Bristol, England
Confuzzled - May 27th to 31st - Birmingham, England (dealer)
Amecon - July 29th to 31st - Coventry, England
MCM Expo - October 28th to 39th - London, England

2017
Raicon Spring - March 4th - Glasgow, Scotland
Just Fur The Weekend - April 14th to 16th - Bristol, England
Confuzzled - May 26th to 30th - Birmingham, England
MCM Expo - September 23rd - Glasgow, Scotland

2018
Confuzzled - May 25th to 29th - Birmingham, England
Eurofurence - August 22nd to 26th - Berlin, Germany

2019
Raicon Spring - May 4th - Glasgow, Scotland
Confuzzled - May 24th to 28th - Birmingham, England
MCM Expo - July 28th - Manchester, England
Eurofurence - August 14th to 18th - Berlin, Germany
MCM Expo - September 28th - Glasgow, Scotland

2021
MCM Expo - November 13th to 14th - Birmingham, England

2022
Scotiacon - February 11th to 14th - Glasgow, Scotland
ACME Comic Con - March 5th & 6th - Glasgow, Scotland
MCM Comic Con - May 27th to 29th - London, England
Animangapop - August 6th - Glasgow, Scotland (dealer)
Megacon - July 30th & 31st - Manchester, England
Rakucon - August 20th & 21st - Manchester, England (panellist)
ACME Comic Con - September 24th & 25th - Glasgow, Scotland (dealer)
MCM Comic Con - October 28th to 30th - London, England
Raicon Winter - November 5th - Glasgow, Scotland (dealer)
MCM Comic Con - November 11th to 13th - Birmingham, England

2023
Scotiacon - February 3rd to 6th - Glasgow, Scotland