On Gaia Online, back in May 2009, there was a board known as the Yaoi board. On that board, there was a particular thread called Be My Master. Halfway through the thread, there was a roleplay between two people. One played a master character named Jess while one played a fox slave named Kurt. During this roleplay, there were two posts in particular I became completely obsessed with. Here is the first one:

Kurt put his arm across Jess, hugging him close, as tears streamed down his muzzle. "I dont know how im gonna thank you for taking such good care of me. i feel like you really care about me and i havent felt that in so long. I dont know what to say."

Now, every single time I read that post, I fantasize being in Jess' position so Kurt will be hugging me close. I would then lean in close and lick those tears streaming down Kurt's muzzle with my tongue until he stops crying. Words cannot begin to describe how badly I want to lick Kurt's tears from his muzzle. Also, keep in mind that my real name just so happens to be Kurt as well so I also fixate on the fact that were share the same 4 letters in our names.

There are four questions that race through my mind as I read that paragraph and they are:

1. When Kurt was crying, did his tears specifically stream down:

A: The bridge of his muzzle and collect at/drip off the tip of his nose as he hung his head
or
B: The side of his muzzle diagonally, past his lips and drip off his chin and lower jaw

2. Exactly how would Kurt react and what would he say to me if I were to hug him back and lick those tears streaming down his muzzle with my tongue?

3. Dumb question, but how salty would Kurt's tears taste on my tongue if I licked them directly from his muzzle?

4. How warm were those tears streaming down Kurt's muzzle?

A: Freezing ice cold
B: Cold
C: Warm
D: Hot
E: Scalding hot

Some of you are probably wondering what the second post is. Well, here it is:

kurt started giggling and tried to playfully push Jess away. "hahah that tickles. cut it out." he rolled over onto his stomach, resting his chin on Jess' chest. he looked into his eyes for a long minute or two, then looked away and hugged jess tightly around his chest. "thank you." there were tears running down the side of his muzzle but he didnt want jess to notice.

I have pretty much the exact same questions to ask for the second post as well as the first. Words can't even begin to describe how badly I fantasize licking those tears running down the side of Kurt's muzzle with my tongue while simultaneously stroking and massaging him to comfort him. However, part of me is just dying to know which side of Kurt's muzzle the tears were running down: left or right?

Also, there's this extra third post that connects with the second post:

Smiling, Jess held Kurt close and said, "You're very welcome." Running his hand up and down Kurt's back, he whispered, "You're going to love it here with me Kurt, so I hope those tears dripping onto my chest are tears of joy, and not sadness....or drool."

I wish SO badly I was in Jess' position again so I could feel Kurt's tears dripping on my chest. But of course, I'd probably lick Kurt's tears from his muzzle before they even had a chance to drip on my body.

Anyway, I've saved this roleplay with me and it's good I saved what I could. Sadly, the guild is long gone and so is the topic. I'll never find out the guy who played Jess. I chatted a bit with the guy who played Kurt and he said he might think of doing an RP with me. Maybe he'll let me RP out my fantasy of licking Kurt's tears from his muzzle. Asking wouldn't hurt. Also, the guy who played Kurt was called Kit-Klawson on both Gaia Online and SoFurry but I still haven't found out if he has a FurAffinity profile yet.

On an unrelated note, I am addicted to We Bare Bears. Panda is my favorite.

Seeing "The Adventures of Blinky Bill" and "fanfiction" in the same sentence was nearly impossible until I came along and fixed it. Last month I posted not one but two Blinky Bill fanfics on Fanfiction.net. Both stories are Shifty Dingo X Nutsy hurt/comfort fics which is probably the only type of Blinky Bill fanfics I'd write, given that shipping them is an obsession of mine. The fics are entitled I'll Stand By You and Scars Are Forever. I'll Stand By You is lighthearted and sweet. Scars Are Forever is much much darker and has one scene where poor little Shifty gets tortured and almost dies (Jeromy, my OC villain in the fic is PURE EVIL!) I'd give out links now but I'm only using my nintendo DS internet and can only have one window open at a time and typing out the URLs will be a pain. I'll just wait till I go to the library to do that. I'm also trying to work in yet another sequel called Intimate Healing where a teenage Shifty runs away from home with Nutsy. Hopefully Fanfiction.net will have a Blinky Bill section someday. Heck, if there's a Tutenstein section, why not? Anyway, my birthday is on tomorrow, February 10th. I'm gonna be 23.

Listening to:
Foster The People - Pumped Up Kicks

Here's a little taste of what I have on my iPod. I shuffled it, and the first 25 songs that came up were:

1.The Ark - One Of Us Is Gonna Die Young
My job coach got me hooked on this song.

2.Roxette - The Look
She's got the looook! Love this song!

3.Jackson Browne - Running On Empty
Classic rock!

4.Pat Benatar - Shadows Of The Night
Classic 80's song!

5.Nightwish - Wishmaster
Gotta love Nightwish!

6.Final Frontier - Long Live Those Golden Years
Great Canadian rock band with high-pitched male lead singer!

7.Angry Beavers - Beaver Fever
Classic cartoon!

8.Crowded House - Don't Dream Its Over
Hey now, hey now!

9.Takauki Miyauchi - Otokotachi Nakamatachi
J-rock from the Ginga Nagareboshi Gin soundtrack

10.Starcastle - Lady Of The Lake
10-minute prog-rock masterpiece!

11.Electric Light Orchestra - Turn To Stone
My fave ELO song!

12.Red Dawn - Flyin' High
Sounds kinda like Van Halen.

13.Rocko's Modern Life - Recycle Song
Another great cartoon!

14.Final Frontier - Only The Lonely
Another great song by them!

15.Khymera - Beautiful Life
Breathtaking, melodic rock song

16.Hybrid Ice - Never Comin Back
Obscure classic rock band

17.Hotwire - Waterfalls
German hard rock

18.Pride Of Lions - Sound Of Home
AOR/Melodic rock

19.Treat - Paper Tiger
I sure like obscure bands, huh?

20.Belinda Carlisle - I Get Weak
One of the most amazing 80's songs....true masterpiece!

21.Anubis Gate - Ressurrection Time
Power metal band

22.Seven Skys - What Time Is It?
Kinda like A Flock Of Seagulls with Styx-esq vocals.

23.Lifehouse - Hanging By A Moment
Not a big grunge fan, but I like this song

24.Zorori - Zekkocho!
Great song from the furry anime Kaiketsu Zorori

25.Eddie Money - Baby Hold On
Great 80's artist!

Yeah, my iPod has all sorts of other stuff too. Hall & Oates, Puffy AmiYumi, Prince, Nightwish, Michael McDonald, The Rasmus, Runtt Wah, Huey Lewis & The News, Madonna, Dragonforce, Foo Fighters, Adele, Lenny Kravitz, Gloria Estefan, The Pillows, Journey, INXS, MercyMe, Rick Astley, Foster The People, 3 Special and so much more, just a mix of stuff but no rap music whatsoever.

Oh man, I just walked to the library and I am sweating like crazy! I have the sudden urge to gobble down some vanilla ice cream. Normally, chocolate and Ben & Jenny's peanut butter cup is my favorite but I'm having a really bizarre craving for some vanilla flavor. Don't know why. Anyway, the other day i stopped by Kahoots and I saw this black collar with blue flames on it. I'm thinking about getting it and wearing it to the next FurMeet I go to whenever that will be. Prancing Skilitaire does seem a bit far, so I think I should save up so I could give someone gas money (I'm so poor, I wish I had a fursuit!). But yeah.

Current music:
Kamera - Chasing Shadows (From the album X-Posure)

So yesterday the group home and I went over to their parents house in Palm Springs. They were giving away albums for free, so I snagged about 15 of them. A couple Poison albums, some Van Halen and Motley Crue, some Berlin and Informatiopn Society and even some 4 Non Blondes and Spin Doctors but the album that reqally caught my eye was this one by Kurt Howell. Being named Kurt myself, I checked it out and was blown away by an 80's soft rock masterpiece. This is just a taste of the album, my favorite song called Let's Run With It:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-l_.....eature=related
Also, I've recently become obsessed with Blinky Bill, a really cool australian furry cartoon. Shifty Dingo is my favorite!

And I am completely obsessed with it. I can't wait for the DVD to come out. My favorite character is Salty (Humphrey's friend who looks kinda like a wolven version of Scrat) but I also like Humphrey and Lilly.

Since I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, I did some research and found a book by Janet Tubbs on it. This list of symptoms really caught my eye:

is artistic? Yes, very much so.

blames him/herself for being 'stupid'? Not really

cannot or will not engage in small talk? I'm very quiet, especially when I'm in "the zone" when I'm watching my favorite shows.

is clumsy? Yeah.

is compulsive? Yes.

is creative? Pretty much the same thing as artistic so yeah.

has difficulty maintaining friendships? I don't have too many close friends

is distractible? Yeah, I've got ADD on the side.

does not know how to lie--tells it like s/he sees it? Yeah, I have a very bad reputation of accidentally offending others.

is easily angered? Heck yeah.

has explosive temper? YES!!!

frequently appears very unhappy? I'm pretty moody at times, yeah. I'm more apathetic than unhappy.

frequently announces that nobody likes him/her? Sometimes.

has good vocabulary? Yeah.

hates to lose? Sometimes. depending on my mood.

is highly intelligent but scores below average in performance abilities? Yeah, I'm very smart but I have poor motor skills and sometimes I lack common sense.

is unable to focus on a task? Again, I've got ADD coming into play.

likes to read? Yes, if I find the subject interesting

likes TV and computer games? HECK YEAH!!!!

has limited range of facial expressions? I'm not really sure.

has good math skills? Not really.

has hyperlexia (this means that they have excellent word recognition, but may have difficulty comprehending more abstract meanings behind the words)? I think so.

needs praise? Yeah, and plenty of it so I don't become a mess.

has obsessions? HELL YEAH!!! Furry fandom, cartoons, 80's rock music. It's all I ever think about!

has poor social skills? Yep.

is resistant to change? Yes, especially if the change isn't going in my favor.

is self-centered? Mainly due to my obsessions, yes.

is tactiley defensive (does not like to touch or be touched)? I actually don't mind being hugged by fursuiters but most people on the other paw...

is teased or bullied by others? Seldom in real life, but quite often online.

threatens to kill himself or other people? Yes, unfortunately. A few times I've tried strangling myself because I was angry at myself.

is very literal? I'm getting better with abstract meanings. I really seem to enjoy puns.

has voice lacking intonation? Well, my voice is kinda flat. It might be my weak point if I plan on being a voice actor.

Okay, the other day I was told that I'll be getting $75 a month in my P&I money for the NEXT 8 YEARS. Not weeks, not months. Years. I probably won't be able to buy anything online or save up for a laptop or fursuit. Once my family gets in a better living situation and starts living in a house instead of a hotel, I think I'm gonna move in with them so long as I get my full social security checks right away. I'll need to talk to the regional center about this. There's so much more I can do with like $700 a month as opposed to $75 a month. The only real drawback to the group home is the money situation there but I have nowhere else to live so I don't really have a choice which sucks. I don't have a job yet and I have trouble applying. I don't have a computer yet so I either have to go to libraries or friends houses.

Well, I've got good and bad news, first the good.

Good: I have recently become obsessed with a furry anime called Kaiketsu Zorori. It is just plain awesome. It's about a fox and two boars who always try causing trouble and wind up saving the day. Look it up!

Bad: The new roommate Sam is driving me nuts! He keeps asking me the same questions over and over and most of the questions are about his friends who I never even met before. He changes the channel to sports when I'm watching cartoons when he's got his own TV. He also keeps trying to preach to me about God and heaven even though I've told him several times that I'm not Christian. He also tells me that "Christians never lie" which is total baloney because ANYONE can lie regardless of religion. He also keeps telling me that he hates living in the group home and dumping everything on me even though I can't do a thing about it. Sometimes he keeps me up until midnight trying to talk to me and at one point, he even climbed in bed with me and I had to go outside for a few minutes for a breather. This guy has serious problems and he's beginning to both freak me out and tick me off. I just hope he cuts it out. Even though I now share a room with Greg, I still can't escape his antics. Seriously, dude. I want to be alone with peace and quiet. That's all I ask. Jeez. End rant.

Today is the official 1st anneversary on my mother's death from swine flu. Just so you guys know. *wipes a tear off his muzzle*

So I finally told my roommate Greg that I was a furry. He seemed cool with it but thought I was a little weird. Then again, he and I are almost total opposites. I'm mellow when he's very hyper, he loves rap while I love rock, he's 100 lbs when I'm around 200 lbs, he loves red while I love green. A new guy named Sam is moving into the group home. He's gonna share a room with Greg and I'm gonna share a room with either Erik or Lewis (One of which will also move into the home, I never met either of them yet. Well, I met Erik but we barely talked). I heard Sam likes CSI so I pretty much groaned to myself and was all "aw, crap". I hope Erik or Lewis can handle my eccentricities. Also, I'm thinking of seeing Alpha And Omega this Sunday since Sam's arrival screwed up my little schedule to see the movie with my friend Garrett.

Currently listening to:
Christopher Cross - Ride Like The Wind
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur8ftRFb2Ac

It will be in theaters on Friday! I just can't wait to watch it. I'm planning on seeing it with my friend Garrett on Saturday. Hopefully, it's not too expensive. It's about time we had another animated wolf movie since the Balto series.

Currently listening to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Gpu.....eature=related
Song: Lion's Den
Artist: Final Frontier
Album: Freelight
Year: 2006
Genre: AOR/Melodic Rock
Country: Canada

I just got $40 and I'm thinking of getting a tail of my fursona from Chemically Combined Productions as part of a partial fursuit (it's gonna take me a few years probably to save for the head). I'm gonna have to talk with Keitel, Shadowpelt or Kairi about it.

Currently listening to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9VKywzff84
Song: Through My Eyes
Artist: Giant
Album: Promise Land
Genre: AOR/Melodic Rock
Year: 2009
Country: Not sure. Either America or the UK.

I try to be a good friend. I try to lighten the mood a little. I try to come across as a well-meaning, good-natured guy. And then it all blows up in my face. I don't mean no harm. Just hours ago, I offended someone by accident AGAIN. I think I'm cursed or something. I've been feeling choked up for a few hours now and I'm not feeling any better. What in hell is WRONG with me? I feel like a monster of some sort. I don't know why, I just do. It's so hard for me to communicate me feelings properly, I feel like an alien trapped on another planet. I come in peace yet I am shunned away. It makes no sense at all.

Listening to: Nothing. Not in the mood.

Hi, I just signed up yesterday. I'm finally so glad to have an account here. On August 22nd I went to a meetup in Kearney Mesa Park for furries and I met a bunch on new friends especially Keitel, Xavier Woof, Syber, Sean, and Razzle Dazzle. I had a blast. I also met up with my old middle school friend Jewel there. Her fursona is a chipmunk!

Currently listening to:
Song: The Last To Know
Artist: Final Frontier
Album: First Wave
Year: 2002
Genre: AOR/Melodic Rock
Country: Canada