That's it. 🙂

But thanks to my 151 watchers so far! Merry Christmas, and happy new year, everybody! 🥂😁

🎉🍾😃
(It's also my birthday.)

My fav artist  KateRezonate - you can get some of her art cheap, RN!

Make her day! www.furaffinity.net/view/56585624

My thinking on this has evolved, somewhat.
Mainly what I hate about "trigger warnings" is the phrasing of it, and how people can go overboard with caution.
Also, as I have been pursuing writing Cecilia's backstory, and it will likely contain topics considered sensitive or some degree of dark. Since readers are looking at a website, rather than picking up a book in some section of a library or bookstore, it may be more difficult to judge whether or not a story has violence, adult situations, etc.
So okay, I'll include descriptions of content that readers might not expect to come across, at the top of stories.
For visual art, I will continue to use FA's built-in ratings system.

Merry Christmas!

Get a ghetto-blaster 📻 (or "boom-box", if you're lame 🙄), or a walkman (💡use wired ear/headphones, if you're not blastin'👈😎), and tune the radio to the 70s-90s station.
Put on sunglasses. 🕶
Go outside. 🏡
Do a chore.
I feel pretty rad.
📻🐇🕶

Or do you know an artist that does?

Because I'm interested, if you're currently open.

Also for an FA banner, as well as Discord stuff. (Banner, avatar, emoji/sticker/whatever/reacts. Possible animation on the first two?)

Ever since I was a young 🐰, I've always been quick to slide into sadness, or just be more sensitive about things than others are/were.

As a child, I was called a cry-baby quite often, and that only made things worse. I didn't understand. I never voluntarily broke down into tears, it just happened - and it enraged me that I would do so, and it only made me even angrier to be told to stop crying. I didn't know how to do it, or I WOULD! I didn't understand how other people seemed to be able to just turn it off, like a faucet, or a light-switch. I only knew I wasn't like them. The more people told me to stop crying, or mocked me for doing so, the harder it became, and the angrier I got. Like, will you please let up for a second and let me try?!

It took me a long time to get beyond that, and I later found that at times, when I felt like it would be appropriate, or even that I should cry - I couldn't, anymore. In recent years, I've found that using acting techniques, I now can get myself to, with effort. Emotion no longer seems to start it, but I can use emotion to fuel it, once I do start.

But, clinical depression doesn't always manifest along with emotional causes. In fact, most days, if I feel Depressed, I can't explain what causes it, other than to just say, "Chemicals?" Or, "Reasons? When I'm Depressed, I don't need... 🥽 reasons. Being Depressed for a reason is for normies." Actually, my GP told me that it's because my brain doesn't produce (or recycle, or whatever) endorphins at the same rate as other people. She illustrated this by snapping her fingers at a high tempo for normies, and at a slower tempo for me.

Rainy Days and Mondays by The Carpenters does a fair job at explaining it.
...
What I've got they used to call the blues
Nothin' is really wrong
Feeling like I don't belong
Walking around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down
...
What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out
We know what it's all about
Hanging around
Nothin' to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down
...
It comes, and it goes, for any reason or no reason. I interpret rainy days and Mondays to be arbitrary examples of "causes" that aren't really causes, but rather convenient excuses, in that example. I could sarcastically answer, "Eh... well, you know, I just get like this on days ending in 'y', sometimes."

I often poke fun at the condition/myself by calling it silly things like Depresh' Mode, or differentiate between the passing kind of depressed that anybody can get, and Clinical Depression, by saying that I'm "legally sad" (as in, legally drunk/inebriated).

I don't have any desire to harm myself, or others. I have pretty sturdy mental blocks against those. Partly because while majoring in Administration of Justice and minoring in Sociology (Don't get too excited; it's just an Associates certificate in the former, and nothing official in the latter - more like "studied a fair bit of"), I learned more than most people want to know regarding death and dying (with full color photographs, as well as up-close, in-person study). I considered Mortuary Science for a moment - but wound up talking myself out of it. I saw the results of both violent and "non-violent" methods, and have come to the conclusion that there are no "good" ways to die.
I am also a pacifist. I think there is no good reason to start a physical fight. Sticks and stones... words are not violence. That's not to say that I won't fight in defense. I would just much rather not have to.

I have described myself as "High-Functioning", because most days, as long as I take my prescription (which I regularly do), I'm just fine. Legitimately just fine, not quote-unquote, "j u s t... f i n e". However, my definition of just fine can also be, "barely holding myself together, as long as almost everything goes okay".

I'm okay with being used to being disappointed. I've worked retail, and I understand what it's like to be yelled at for things that aren't my fault, -sometimes, just because I happen to be in uniform, and the customer-service face of The Company/customer's problem. So I usually find myself able to keep my emotions in check with other people, knowing that most of my problems aren't the fault of the person I'm complaining to.

I didn't know some type of Depression was actually called that, though! I've found that this video describes things pretty well, particularly #3.
Imposter Syndrome ✅
Subtle/masked symptoms, barely succeding ✅
Achieving normal success is a struggle✅✅✅
Failure is a tragedy✅
Emotional batteries drain rapidly✅ (I despise the spoons analogy. Seriously. Don't even get me started on "spoons".🙄)
Focus takes effort✅ (I don't get distracted all that often, but maintaining a normal amount of focus takes its toll.)
Exhaustion✅ (I feel like #7 is redundant or follows from the above. But I do judge myself, or experience feelings like things are especially unfair. And self-care becomes secondary to accomplishing Tasks and Timelines. Where I disagree, in my specific case, is in regard to "self harm", and a lot of the time I really do feel "just fine", but my "just fine" is 😐, rather than 🙂. 5-7/10, rather than 8-10/10.)
Needing help ⛔️ (#8 is a miss, because I generally just don't ask for help, or feel like I don't need any particular specific assistance, just... time and avoiding distractions.)

Anyway! I decided to give my character the same problem, so that I could express it through roleplaying, and I guess try to normalize it or try to take away the stigma, and perhaps ,helpfully, help others. Cecilia and I both enjoy performance, particularly humor (occasionally gallows-), as well as fake it til you make it approaches, as a manner of coping. (Turns out, faking it til you make it can actually work! If you act cheerful, it's possible to make yourself feel cheerful, and if you can make somebody else smile or laugh, that can give you the boost you need...) So that's... one of the rather large gears/levers that makes Cecilia tick, I suppose. #2 in an ongoing series...

(Relocated from profile page, for being a wall of text.)

Cecilia is a twenty year-old rabbit girl, born on Earth, in late 1979. Not our Earth, obviously. Which one?

It's an Earth much like ours, with furries, humans, and non-furry beasts/creatures (but not talking or intelligent ones). It is a mundane Earth, lacking any true magic, and as such, she has no talent or potential for magic that requires mana, chi, or any other kind of magical essence. The history/timeline closely matches our own.

She has since left Earth, spending five years attending a notorious school (Sister Sarah de laetitia University for Troubled Young Adults) on another Earth-like planet, called Summa-5, or Passim, as it is more conventionally known. There, she graduated at the head of her class, despite a rocky beginning, forced to repeat her freshman year. Afterward, she found herself in conflict with some officials of the global governing body, and was summarily banished from the planet, after being tried in absentia, sans habeas corpus. Passim was a world ruled by the fast and loose dictates and whims of officials, appointed by nepotism, rather than one of rights, due process of law, or justice.

Now, she finds herself, and some of her friends (a few also in conflict with said officials), on the planetoid Quodlibet, "SpinDizzy", where she has made herself mostly at home again, amongst old friends and new.

Aging* in real time, and twenty years old, she is out of sync with current year by twenty-six years. (Making it 1997AD in RL 2023AD.) This causes temporal oddities for her, at times, sometimes experiencing memories of the past in present day, while also being aware of current day events. It's a bit like reading a book that you've already read spoilers for, or reading a newspaper from decades ago, and then reading the news of current day, both of which being "now". For example, in one part of her mind, she might be a fan following a particular celebrity, waiting on a new album or book to come out, and in another part, has already heard that album, read that book, and heard about their tragic demise. She excitedly experiences historic events as if they're fresh, but also might already know about them. Both parts of her mind are in agreement on certain things, like despising streaming music, and much preferring to carry an iPod without internet connectivity, exclusively for downloaded music/video, and a smartphone for everything but portable music/video. (TV shows/movies/music/music videos: iPod, alt media (youtube, etc): smartphone, or tablet/laptop could be used for either category.)

She has a very bubbly, warm, and welcoming personality, and is eager and quick to make friends. She also has a somewhat mischievous nature, and often teases people she meets, to gage their reaction. It's all in fun though, and she's quick to introduce herself with, "Hi, I'm Cecilia!" often following up with, "Let's be friends!" This is sometimes to mask her anxiety and clinical depression, through a "fake it til you make it" approach, which often works out fairly well for her.

Cecilia is an entertainer of various types, from sleight-of-hand to music, dance, and acrobatics. The latter, she mostly uses for tumbling and physical comedy, but occasionally for impromptu exhibition. She is agile, graceful (unless prat-falling or otherwise goofing around), and quick, owing to her natural lapine talents (including her sometimes weaponized "natural bunny cuteness"). Her dream of becoming the Face of a major brand is coming true, with her recent contract on retainer with WOLF Beer Brewing Company**!

 Laquine_Herd
A while back, Cecilia came upon a laquine in a dressing-room, while working in a clothes store. One thing led to another, as will happen, with laquines. Through assistance from some of her more magically-inclined friends and contacts, she has found ways to control her laquinity, to some degree. Without purging it from her system specifically, it will regularly transform her back into one, but she doesn't really mind, as she can return to her normal rabbit form pretty-much at-will. (And... well, it's pretty fun, after all... >.> ) She also has enchanted clothes, that will allow her to conceal her laquinity and its otherwise very noticeable features. This comes in handy, when she wants to be laquine, while also remaining incognito.
(* - Due to the nature of shapeshifting, and the type/strain/what-have-you of laquinity that Cecilia has, her physical aging is a bit abnormal. She will age naturally until she reaches peak development/health (approximately 25YO). Then, she will maintain peak health, unless/until purging laquinity from her system, at which point she will continue to age. This may occur at a somewhat accelerated rate, but not so fast that she just turns to ash, regardless of her "true" age.)

I hope everybody's had an awesome new year! Thank you very much to the wonderful artists I have worked with, and to all my watchers! 🙂

I'll probably be updating profile and things soon, and probably going over more of Cecilia's gears, cogs, and loose screws. Til then, toods, dudes!

Just some mind-dump blah...

In no particular disorder:
(* = Things Cecilia and I have in common, # = things we partly have in common, no notation - all her.)

Personality:
+*Major clinical depression/anxiety (I roleplay this through her as one of my coping mechanisms, as well as to normalize it and reach out to those similarly afflicted. You're not alone!)
++*Which she refers to as being "legally sad", or "Depresh' Mode" (I'm particularly proud of both of those.)
++*gallows humor (see above)
+Loves to perform! "I live for the applause!"
+*Loves all kinds of music - including country and rap!
++*Hates covers in general, except for the covers that are better than the originals. Very opinionated about which are which.
+++*Rule: Nobody's allowed to cover The Beatles (very few bands are good enough, and the covers that are good are rare).
+Only performs cover songs, herself.
+Wants to be a star, and isn't above the field of advertising; rather, she quite enjoys it!
+#Loves making friends, making them smile, laugh, sing/dance along... ... ... (experience a biological fulfillment leading to climactic pleasure and fluid expulsion) >.>
+bisexual
+*Feels super guilty about hurting others - most of the time.
++*Despite this, thinks people/"furs" are way too sensitive, these days.
+++Despite (?) major clinical depression as a personal neuromorbidity/neuroatypicality.
+#Very sarcastic, not always intending negativity.
+*Rarely super-serious.
+*Often self-deprecatory.
+*Often dropping references/memes, and joking. Takes few things seriously, especially sex. (What a chilling monster.)
+*Often introspective/armchair-philosophical/intellectual.
++*Catholic-leaning agnostic.
+*Tries to be honest, or at least avoid deception.
+*Often amends, "I don't know, I may be wrong..."
+*I grew up without cable, watching a lot of syndicated, decades-old repeats, including the inevitable Warner Brothers cartoons.
++*Consequently, familiar with a lot of tropes of classic movies/television, particularly comedy/cartoons.
+++In regard to the above, "I'm not a toon, but it [i]is one of my OSes.[/i]"
++Cecilia affectionately refers to Bugs Bunny as "Uncle Bugs - no relation", much like how people affectionally referred to Milton Berle as Uncle Milty.
+++Unclear on whether Bugs is a "real rabbit" or cartoon only. "-Hey, shutup! 😃" (500 Bonus points if you spotted further memery, here.)
+++Often, she will conspicuously chew on her carrot, sometimes to punctuate a punchline, sometimes as an allegory to a cigar (though she also likes cigars)
++++often while wearing a pair of Groucho glasses, sometimes while adding in a Diceman-style, "-OH!"
++++A golden rule of Cecilia's, (adapted from Roger Rabbit) is that she may make an exception or feel compelled to do something, "if it's funny".
+While it's rare that she gets to engage in it, especially once people get to know her, she often enjoys pretending to be an airhead, and waiting to see if people catch on to her playing with them. Inspired by Jillian from Family Guy, and often initiated with the phrase, "Oh my God - I know, right?"
+Uses the expression, "-Eep!" to convey surprise/shock/awkwardness/fear/"I'm in danger-!". Pretty sure I got that from one of Bug's reactions in similar situations, but couldn't cite the exact source.
+*Swiped cooing from another lapine roleplayer. I'm not sure if it's a particularly lapine sound IRL, having never had a bunny, but it seemed to fit! (Miss you, Junes!)
+Both points out and leans into bunny stereotypes, especially per golden rule above.
++Coined "neobunnium" magnets, to refer to a meme about how rabbits will be seemingly magnetically attracted and stick together, when separated.


Physical:
+female rabbit
+partial gender/shapeshifter
++Acquired laquinity in late-teens, through sexual contact with another laquine.
+++Persistent condition; though she often transforms back to being a female rabbit, a sufficient amount of deep sleep will return her to laquine (hermaphrodite) form.
++++If she does go about daily life in this form, she makes use of panties of holding, when needing to remain decent.
+++++Doesn't show off the condition, and is pretty secretive about it, though will inform sexual partners of the "option".
+++++Usually refrains from spreading laquinity "assimilation", despite the primal drive to do so, unless a partner really really wants to try it.
++++Transformation is low-level constant/passive, which leads to accelerated healing/near physical immortality/infertility side-effects.
++++#At first, I thought being constant laquine would be the hard-mode option, and even panties of holding was a bit of a cheat, but eventually she told me that she wanted to just be her normal bunny-girl self again, sometimes (and who can resist bunny cute-face? 🐰), so after speaking with a succubun friend of hers, she has the ability to change back at will, though the laquine condition persists within.
+++++(She does want to have children, and one day die a natural death, but... not necessarily soon on either, and may still want to get more than her "fair" ~100 years...)
+# I tap my foot/bounce my knee (as you would to let a child ride, but without the child) to pass time, as a nervous-energy thing. I thought to myself, what would a rabbit (furry) do for that? What I came up with was a) they're probably more prone than humans, having a faster pulse and being quicker critters in general, b) probably... a similar motion, just bouncing in place on her toes? (Raising and lowering the (digitigrade...) heel, and the rest of the body with it, while toes remain stationary.)
++While bouncing in place on her toes, Cecilia will often quietly murmur, "Boing-boing-boing-boing..." as a means of conveying being scatterbrained, not paying attention, playing airhead. (Also, while she does wear bras for support/control, they do still provide some visual 'bounce', because she can't not be sexy...)
++Being a quick bunny, she moves very fast, referring to it as bouncing, rather than running, and seeing her main means of locomotion as a series of jumps (or hops, if you will). Hence FA name (also, "Cecilia" was, unsurprisingly, taken, by the time I got to it). I picture it as being mostly upright, but her posture may lean closer to a 45° angle (or further!), for greater speed, though I would think an all-fours posture would be rare, if ever. Full-speed with Cecilia is a ZIP-! and akin to blinking short distances, often triggered by excitement, even as minimal as recognizing that a friend she hasn't hugged in the past few minutes is nearby.
+++Bunny-fast being her usual speed, she thinks of *shudder*... walking as being a torturously slow means of movement, though necessary if wearing heels (Would you even bounce? Ouch!), and it can be sexy... (and can she be sexy!).

Inspirations:

+ furball obviously (Laquines)
+Lola Bunny (The Looney Tunes Show - I still haven't seen Space Jam, if you can believe that.) also seems obvious.
+Believe it or not (some don't!), though we share some things in common (even some very specific things), Cecilia is different enough to me as a person, beyond merely the superficial, that often after roleplaying, it'll be as if I wasn't even typing what was in my brain, so much me just watching Cecilia do her thing, and even feeling mystified as to where it all came from afterward. Obviously, "all writing is biographical", and it's impossible to escape entirely, but while I could easily be friends with her, I think that she and I are way more different than many people think. She has her own background, family, passions, story-arc... yes, I enjoy throwing in my own life experiences, but I think of those as more of adding spice to a dish, rather than main ingredients.

As I said above, this was a mental dump. I woke up in the wee hours, and insomnia demanded I either write it down, or forget the best parts forever.

May be added to/updated over time!

Further Edit: Just for everybody's sake, I no longer claim that any part of Cecilia's story occurred on Tapestries MUCK. This is "subject to change", but only in the incredibly unlikely event that I'm ever invited back. For the realistic and foreseeable future, no part of Cecilia's history is tied any longer to "Curuoskar" or Tapestries MUCK. Similar events occuring during that part of her life will be said to have taken place on an entirely unrelated world, in entirely unrelated settings, with only the characters that choose to participate in that part of her story, shifted to a different setting. Those characters I do not have permission or claim to will no longer be referred to, and they will instead be attributed to entirely different characters I do have claim or permission for. I'm just permanently severing all ties to that specific setting henceforth, for my own sake. As far as I'm concerned, everything I created - I created, and just happened in a different place, to different characters. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Edit: The nutshell/tl;dr is that I was kicked off for being a bitch. Did I do it? Partly, yes, but I'm sorry! Partly, no - I maintain some innocence, and that the punishments given were excessive, and talking to me would have straightened it all out! Part of it was unintentional, and/or a misunderstanding, but I accept responsibility for. If you want my deep-dive take, it is below. If you don't... there you go. I wish there had been a bit more understanding/leeway for my bitchiness, but... I'm not in charge, it wasn't my sandbox, and what's done is done. They're moving on without me, and it's time I move on without them. But while I will miss some people I met there, I won't miss others - and I will likely have a bit more snark, before I let it go completely. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

* * *

Obvious disclaimer: this is my side of the story, and thus, inherently biased. If anybody disputes this, A) they might be right, B) I don't really care, at this point. To the best of my knowledge and recollection, this is, from my perspective, truthful, but I may have forgotten some details that cast me in a worse light, or somebody else's perspective of events may be equally valid.

A few years ago, when I began Cecilia as a character, she soon entered into an open polyamorous relationship with a character I'll call E. Cecilia was head-over-heels in love with E, and a cornerstone of the relationship (so I thought) was no jealousy. (Tapestries is a MUCK where casual sex is the norm, so jealousy is sort of a silly concept there, anyway, but people get emotionally involved with each other.) Through a mutual friend, Cecilia met another friend (most of these friends are "with benefits"), I'll call V. Cecilia and V hit it off rapidly, with an overlapping (if trollish) sense of humor. It was only after this friendship was forged, that I learned that E and V had a negative history. Well, I thought I could deal with that, and informed both E and V of this. Just because they don't like each other doesn't mean I can't remain friends with both - I've done so IRL for decades, after all. I would often get static from both in regard to the other, and while I tried to let it roll off my back, it did become annoying. I informed both of them of that, and just carried on. I believe this is where a major miscommunication started.

(V commissioned some art featuring Cecilia and V. Remember - "no jealousy". Cecilia and V were friends with benefits. I would have gotten art with anybody that wanted to, but I was kinda broke, at the time. This art was a gift from V. Was there intention from V to torque E a bit, in doing so? Possibly! But again... E had promised no jealousy - and I could have gotten art with anybody - and WOULD have done so with E, if he had proposed we do so! If I could afford half or all of such a commission, I would have been glad to!)

E kept noting that I seemed off/distracted, and I told him that it was probably because I kept hearing from both of them about how much they disliked each other. It was stressful, but I could deal with it. At least, that's what I tried to put across. I later heard from V that E was going crazy on the St. Mary's Discord, carrying on about how "somebody" was "trying to break up Cecilia and E's relationship" (with the thinly veiled implication, that person was V). This made V uncomfortable, because it felt like an attack, and like E was trying to turn the whole Discord against V. So, I felt compelled to go on the Discord and speak with the administrator of St. Mary's zone, whom I will call Nivik, because: 1) that's who it is, 2) it's publicly available information (You can also get on that Discord by connecting to Tapestries, visiting the St. Mary's zone, and then verify all of this information yourself, if they haven't wiped it, yet. I doubt they have. Please do not grief them, or complain on my behalf. What's done is done.) 3) I'm not too happy with that gentleman anymore, so f*** him. (But seriously, don't grief them.) I told Nivik that what E was saying wasn't true, V wasn't trying to break us up (they weren't), and I make my own decisions, thank you very much, and resent the implication that I was under anybody's control, or that I was anybody's property.

Around that time, the art V commissioned was completed. They asked me if they should post it. I was kinda irked at E anyway, so I said, "Dewit."

E and Cecilia had enjoyed a very romantic (I thought), and very explicit scene the night before. When E connected, he asked me (in what I detected to be a tone of jealousy), if I would get art with E. I honestly responded that I would have loved to have, but I was short on funds. If he wanted to get some as a gift, as V had, or if I could afford to pitch in half, I would be happy to. It turned out to be a pissy, rhetorical question, because his next response was in threatening to erase the character and leave the MUCK. Now... I've been in emotionally manipulative relationships before, and while it was pointed out to me that I had missed some pretty major red flags with E before, I recognized the ultimatum tactic, and I do not play with ultimatums. If somebody hits me with "It's them, or me!", then as a rule, I will immediately tell them that I choose "them", and they can pound sand permanently. Despite that rule, I gave E a half-chance beyond what I would normally give people. I told him something like, "Don't be like that. You're not going to throw away everything here because you have some problem with me...." (They had a large polyamorous ring, and I didn't want him throwing away relationships with half a dozen people just because of Vic and I.) "Let's talk this over, and work things out." He refused, and while he didn't erase the character, he left the MUCK. So... F*** it, I said, and carried on, writing it up as the two characters going through a bad breakup, and E leaving the planet. I also informed Nivik at that time, that I had programmed my MUCK client to black out any line containing E's name, on the off chance that he should return at some future point. I would not see the line, and I would not react to it.

I will emphasize that Cecilia and V were not in any sort of relationship at that time, beyond being FWB. In fact, both had ended long-standing relationships, within weeks of each other, and mutually agreed that they were done with relationships. They did continue to hang out as friends, and occasionally (though rarely), become intimately engaged. Something which E had never been considered an obstacle to, before. During the entire time that Cecilia and E were together, it was an "open" relationship, and Cecilia got around - mostly without complaint from E, who did likewise. I on the other hand, never expressed (nor felt) any jealousy, upholding my part of that promise.

Later on, Cecilia and V encountered another character I'll call D, who really wowed both of them. It was only then decided, amongst the three of them, that Cecilia and V would break their oath of no more relationships, and begin a three-way open relationship with D. Again, Cecilia and V had not been in a relationship previously, nor had either sought that. It happened naturally, through a third party, and would not have happened, otherwise. None of this had anything to do with E.

About a year after E departed, Cecilia heard that E had returned. Eyes were rolled. What I should have done at that point, was contact Nivik again, restate my intention to avoid E, and not even mention him at all. What I did, however... was to suggest to V that E wouldn't enter areas that Cecilia and V occupied - to which V warned me that it could violate policy, and I relented. I talked about potential responses Cecilia could have to E entering a room she was in. Among them, a casual, cold, disinterested greeting of, "Sup," (to indicate that his presence meant nothing to her), a civil offered handshake and something along the lines of, "Hey... I just wanted to let you know, that despite what happened to us... we will never be lovers again, and might not even be friends ever again, but I won't... antagonize you. No hard feelings." As well as some saltier, sassier IC and OOC responses probably, that I don't, as of this moment, recall. In a more private location, I talked In Character, about teasing E if he should happen to hit on D. I ended that conversation by stating that although it, and everything else I had mentioned previously (meaning IC and OOC), might seem funny, they would not be worth it, would be a bad idea, and that I would not do any of it, underscoring what I had told Nivik a year previously. Everything I had said, had basically been either me, an irritated player OOCly blowing off steam, or Cecilia, a sassy teenage delinquent/scamp girl student of a reform school ICly - blowing off steam, and both IC and OOC recanting said plans. No solid plans were made, nor any set in motion, aside from possibly passively greeting E, or offering forgiveness and to continue civilly, either exchanging minor pleasantries, or ignoring each other. And E was still blacked out in my MUCK client.

Then, it was time for the school's winter getaway, one of the biggest events of the year, and Cecilia, V, and another friend, were locked in the stockade for thirty-one days, and banned from both the school zone, and the public zone E made his home in, accused of "conspiracy to harass" E. I'll note that the average punishment for harassing a player is seven days, and no zone bans. I mention this, because it seemed to me that whether guilty or not (I maintain not, since V had not agreed to carry out any such plans, and Cecilia had stated definitively her desire to abandon all such plans, and I had, again, told Nivik a year prior that I would not engage with E at all), thirty one days and two zone bans seemed, to me, to be grossly disproportionate punishments to the allegation. I also find it important to note that at no point did anybody contact me in regard to these allegations. Not Nivik, not any of the wizards on the MUCK, not Enzo, not any of the zone administrators. They didn't warn me not to do anything, they didn't ask what my plans were. Not a word.

Now, I should not have stated any such plans to harass E. That was immoral and unwise. HOWEVER, as I stated above, I recanted those plans, and never went through with them. Nobody else wanted to join in. There was no conspiracy, nor plan, to harass E. I found myself thrown off the St. Mary's Discord, and as I had not added Nivik as a "friend", I was unable to communicate with them. I did send a friend request, to try to straighten things out, and to this day, it has gone ignored. I tried to contact Nivik on the MUCK, to cordially talk to him about what happened, and was basically told to go f*** myself. (Do not go after him on my behalf, please.)

So when we were released from the stockade, my friends and I were in a bit of a funk. Very angsty. Myself, more than they. I was devastated to be banned from two zones I had enjoyed roleplaying in, where I could expect to encounter people I enjoyed roleplaying with on a regular basis. I felt like the setting, and all my friends who played within it had been taken from me, on false pretenses. For eight months, I struggled with those emotions, and, foolishly vented about them, in some regrettable ways, badmouthing various people, the zones, and the MUCK itself. I had a lot of upset built up, from the time E left, to him returning, to my subsequent zone-and-Discord-banning. That is an explanation, not an excuse. I emailed one of the wizards about how I felt, and my desire to talk things out and try to come to an accord. That email was never answered. My unwise and regrettable behavior continued for another two months, while I tried to deal with my new status, and scavenge whatever social interaction I could, on Taps. I moved my character and V's to another zone that had started to see some activity, in the hopes it would be a venue I could use to resume roleplaying. I continued to complain and badmouth as I did so, very unwisely.

...Reaching a new level of desperation, I became introspective. I finally asked myself, "...What are you doing? Acting like that isn't going to solve anything. I probably have hurt a lot of people, both intentionally, and accidentally - and even when accidental, damage was done, that I am responsible for. That is not who I want to be. I need to put aside my pride, put aside my own hurt, accept my responsibility for how I've acted, apologize, offer to make amends, and then - ask if I can be forgiven." So that is what I did. As the wizard I spoke to noted, it was indeed, a very sudden pivot. I understand them feeling skeptical. I explained myself fully, bared my soul, asked if there could be forgiveness, and stated that if there could not, I would understand, but I wanted to take responsibility for my actions, and try to make amends. I never got a direct answer to my request. I was informed that the head wizard would be notified of my statements, I thanked the wizard for their time, and I breathed a premature sigh of relief.

The next day, while I was offline, V had a run-in with the head-wizard. What I believe they were trying to say, was that they wanted the rules clarified, so that they didn't have to constantly worry about whether they were in danger of punishment. It was taken as a challenge to the head-wizard. It was interpreted, I believe, as V essentially stating that the head wizard was behaving erratically and tyrannically. I could see how that interpretation could have been made, but I also know that is not what they intended. The head-wizard did not clarify V's question, but instead chose to drop a one-liner like they were some cool movie villain, erase V's character on the spot, and ban their IP. When I connected, I received only a message from the head wizard stating that further badmouthing of the muck/admin would not be tolerated. That, coupled with V's IP-banning, served as the answer to my plea. It suggested to me that my plea had fallen on cold, if not deaf ears. V's removal had a negative effect on my mood and motivation. I felt like the other wizard had essentially ignored my sincere efforts to make amends. I felt all of the angst and depression from the past two years return all at once. Everything seemed futile, and I was left with the impression that the wizards of Taps could not be reasoned with.

Being fair, what I should have done, was been smart, kept my head down, and... tried to carry on, being a better person than I was the day before. But I think that if one takes into account my state of mind and emotions, one might understand, if not condone, what I did instead. I simply carried on as I had been doing days before, as if I had not had my introspective change of heart. It seemed to me that the wizards had spit in my face at my offering of peace, so why should I bother? I'd already felt like I was staring upward at a guillotine blade, ready to fall at a moment's notice, for the past year and a half, anyway. I was fully demoralized, at that point. So while it wasn't wise, I continued badmouthing, with even more bile in my heart than before, because... I felt I had simply been proven right. No, I wasn't going to get what I wanted, doing that... but I wasn't going to be getting what I wanted, anyway. The only inevitability was my own erasure and IP-ban, which came swiftly a day or two later. Another friend showed me the notice concluding that "Cecilia is no longer welcome on Tapestries Muck."

There are many things that I regret taking part in, over the three years that I actively played Cecilia on Tapestries Muck. Many things I wish I could undo, act more maturely, be more considerate of others, particularly the MUCK and it's admin. Frankly, I wish that I had never started a relationship with E, since the only things that stemmed from that were negative. (Even meeting V? No - but realistically, I would have met them anyway. Cecilia was a very outgoing character, often greeting and welcoming strangers. There is literally nothing positive I can think of that occurred from meeting E that would not have happened in some other way.) I wish I had not hurt anybody in my time there, including those whom I now hold the lowest possible opinion of. I have learned many hard lessons in my time on Tapestries, some of which, admittedly, I had to learn more than once. Some, I'll admit, others might say I didn't seem to learn, at all, from the way I acted. As I said, I have many regrets. I wish I hadn't hurt anybody. Truly.

So now, I'm going to try to take those lessons forward with me, to a new roleplaying environment. I hope I'll make new friends, I hope I won't make quite so many mistakes, I hope there will be better communication (which I need to remember that I'm half-responsible for), and I hope that I can spread more fun and less pain. I will miss many of those I am leaving behind, whether they were true friends, or not.

I'm probably also going to take a few swipes as I move on, because as cute of a bunny as I am, I'm still human. And as much of an idealist as I like to think of myself as, I'm very, very disappointed about how things turned out.

* * *
Cecilia sips from her can, and says, "I prefer Coke to Pepsi, like... most people." She pauses and points a finger, smiling brightly as she delivers the line, "-Preferred two to one in taste-tests!" Then she shrugs, and shakes her head. "Pepsi's just... too sweet. Coke's more... smooth, and bitter. -Like me!"

Cecilia was born a mundane bunny girl; nothing physically odd about her. She discovered her bisexuality at puberty. Later, through a chance encounter, she acquired laquinity via sexual transmission. The condition is something of a mystery, but appears to alter genetic structures to a laquine blueprint: bunny, hermaphrodite, with equine genitals (male and female). The condition is active, constant, and persistent. This means that Cecilia’s body is constantly rebuilding itself on a cellular level, to that genetic blueprint. One result of this is that her body’s healing is accelerated. It isn’t instant, and determined by severity of injury, but quicker than normal. The transformation can be reversed, but due to the condition’s persistence, those transformations are generally temporary. Unless the transformative effect specifically targets and purges her laquine condition, it will return. (This typically happens after sleeping for several hours.)
Cecilia doesn’t typically use magic - she has no talent or potential for it, and is leery of using it. There are a few exceptions, for simplicity’s sake. Cecilia has gotten a bag of holding enchantment placed on her panties, by a local enchanter, so that she doesn’t show in public. Also, a friendly succubun provided her with an incantation to temporarily reverse the transformation, as well as methods of reducing size (by default, it’s larger than many can tolerate), and sterilising her sexual fluids.
By default, those fluids will transmit the laquine condition to others. The condition does not facilitate reproduction, but assimilation. The condition does not overwrite any genetics apart from species, gender, and genitals - all other defining characteristics, such as fur color, eye color, and other identifying traits are retained. The effects vary, depending on any type of resistance to such effects. So the individual exposed might be effected by any of the three transformative effects, none of them, or partial. However, repeated exposure will eventually lead to a full transformation.
For various reasons, Cecilia typically keeps her condition private, known only to those who have been intimate with her. Most days, she will transform back to her normal self upon getting out of bed - unless she anticipates a desire otherwise, that day.

That's basically my take on it - YMMV.