So the long and short of it is this. My grandmother dying, and then my parents splitting up, a couple years ago... Coming so soon after I had to drop out of school, it destroyed me. Then what was left of my family tore itself apart while all I could do was helplessly watch. I gave up. I've been in an extremely dark place for the past couple years. Just not caring. Too depressed to try anymore. I gave in completely to my depression, and my fibro myalgia. I even felt suicidal again for the first time since I went through treatment, at one point.

But things are changing. I'm still living with my mother, but she's moving, and taking me along, into a happy, active household. I'm leaving this basement I've barely left for two years, I'm finding motivation again in my boyfriend. In the realization that I've failed. I don't want to stay like this. I want to stop just existing. I want to *live*. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if I'll be able to apply myself more to my art, but I want to try. I want to make something of myself.

I just needed to put this somewhere. Tell someone, even if that 'someone' is the nebulous amount of people who still pay attention to what I post anymore. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Hey, what's up?

How's it going?

Just wondering, I guess, I don't talk to most of you nearly enough anymore, if at all... :<

So I've been picking up my sketchbook more often because I'm able to take it outside, or onto the stairwell, in other words, go someplace quiet with it and draw without distractions. So it's pretty likely I'll be doing more traditional artwork than digital, from here on out. I really want to focus on what I'm doing.

Why am I suddenly filled with, not just a desire to draw, but a burning *drive* to do so? It feels so weird. Suddenly I'm having ideas again, after nearly two years of having to force it if I even wanted the tiniest bit of art to happen, now I'm having to pause what I'm doing and go draw to get the art demons to go away!

I guess my muse is back with a vengeance.

So I'm living with my mom and brother now, now that my mom broke up with my step father of ten years... It's kind of strange. We're all so much happier, and have been for the like five-six months we've been apart from him now, even though we have so little money to live on...

Don't get me wrong, it's not easy, we're renting out a friend's basement, living on alimony, and there's only two rooms, not counting the bathroom. My brother and I are at each others' throats a lot, but... Somehow, we're still happier. We're a family again.

So.... In the past two months, my grandmother has died, my step-dad and mom have fought a lot, my step-dad and brother have fought a lot, I've been caught in the crossfire of all of this, because of the stress I've been becoming more and more crippled, my mom and step-dad have decided to split and probably divorce, and my brother has left the house for now. Seriously. What the fuck..... Needless to say, my art has fallen even further by the wayside. I'm only checking my FA once or twice a month to reply to messages, now.


What the hell has been going on with this year, and the last? So much tragedy.... Not just for me, for everyone.

You know, I'm starting to wonder why I even have an account here. I literally haven't drawn anything in days, and I don't really make a habit of surfing for art.... I just feel like my inspiration has dried up, you know? I feel..... Stagnant. I haven't had an idea for a picture in ages, I even try drawing without an idea in mind and.... Nothing.

I guess, at this point, I'm open to small requests. Nothing big, I'm no pro, and I can't promise that they'll get done, but hey, I need ideas. Sock it to me, people.