Okay - so it's been a crazy long time since I've written a journal entry and i should probably do so considering the crazy number of things that have happened since the last one!

Biggest news of the past few months would be that me and got married!!!!! I know that both me and would have preferred to do something a bit nicer - but circumstances kinda are what they are and it had to be done before 2017. We'll probably have a more 'formal' (quotes meaning it's gonna just be a party, no actual formal ceremony or anything like that!) at a later date with close friends. I may have to post the picture of the wedding rings - as I simply LOVE LOVE LOVE how they turned out!

Not that I want to bring it up, but that leads to what i knew was going to be the eventual issue I would have with my immediate family. My parents (my father in particular) wants nothing to do with even the concept of gay marriage - let alone to have a son that is in one. I can't help but be hurt when they refer to my now HUSBAND as my 'friend'. I knew it was going to be this way, I just, wish I knew what the right course of action to take is. I never intended to cut them out of my life - but as the relationship between us stands right now, I don't feel it's worth putting any emotional effort into it if I know I'm going to get nothing but disdain and righteous indignation from them. I know it's on religious grounds that they are so oppose to it, but that doesn't excuse their uncaring and even hateful attitude and actions. I never wanted to cut off communication with them....but seeing how long this sentiment is as I write it...I'm forced to recognized that at least for the immediate future - any communication i do have with them, will simply pull up that those hurtful feelings - and I don't want - nor do i need - that in my life.

On more lighthearted discussions - while I wasn't able to attend MFF - I had some great Con experiences with BLFC, TrotCon, Furconsin in October. The pony con was quite the experience getting to met the guest of honor (John Delanci *squeeeee*) in a more private setting! Furconsin, was a wonderful time, very much a weekend outing that and I needed! Getting to suit out in the Downtown Wisconsin Dells really is a LOT of fun - wish i had more opportunities to do such things but being that they are so few and far between that makes the experiences all that much more special!

Furconsin 2017 is the only convention we really have set in stone for next year - have to see what time brings!

Well, been a long long time since i've posted a journal on here - missed a few things in the last few months.

1st being of course MWFF 2015, which was a blast. So many people - so much stuff to do, its hard not to feel like you missed something during that weekend. I did miss the plush-photo shoot, but that's okay, can't really do EVERYTHING. Got to show off my new suit from DHC - which i ABSOLUTELY LOVE - so in the end I had a wonderful time!
Then there is of course, Christmas, which was when i proposed to my now fiance' - :D now we just need to plan out a wedding date!

But with all the wonderful things in life, there will always be things we can't control that aren't wonderful. Taken me a week to gain the strength to write out (without tears forming at least) - that my Beardie Maya (as seen here) http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7450629/ passed away.

With life there is always loss, it's just the fact, and it is never easy. I know it sounds silly to get all existential over a pet of this kind (that being not a dog / cat) but she was mine, and she meant more to me than I actually realized. I will miss her, but I will always have the good memories i have. Maybe, someday in the future, I will take on another pet, not to replace her, cause that would never be possible, but to give another animal (and myself) time to cherish and enjoy together.

Don't take this as a sad journal in the end tho - while I am hurting, and I am sad, I am also joyful that I was able to have such a bond with her, that I will have her in my heart always

been a while since i last wrote a journal - will probably never think i'm 'good' at it - but here goes!

Never did do a post MFF journal - but to give a quick summary - it was a LOT of fun again this year - I did miss the parade - but I was having a nice quiet lunch with my loving while he wasn't feeling too well. Some might see that as sappy - but I like sappy damn it! Got in more suiting this time around - which was on my list of goals as well!

Bought myself a new (well new to me as it is a used) car just before MFF as well - Glad I kept the other one rather than trading it in as it has more storage than the new one! Eventually I'll get some pictures posted on here of it, really like to get pics of me in suit with it though!

So - what's this about MCFC you ask?
Well - a friend is going...and asked if i was going to go - as it's really not *that* far from me (6 or 7 hour drive). It's a bit odd for me to just decide to do a trip this long, but, I think I'm finally feeling the desire to really open up and share my passion of suiting - especially plush suiting - with others in the community - so if the opportunity presents itself - i'm gonna take it!

Well - that's all I can think of for now - hopefully it won't be so long between this and my next journal.....might even find one of those Con meme's and do that for a change of pace!

So about a week ago - was my B-day, I try and not make a big deal about it - and I very much dislike advertising it - not because I'm 'old', but rather I feel doing so would make me look like an attention whore. Didn't do much that day anyways - basically just decided i didn't wanna do any chore - they could wait until tomorrow!

This was a milestone b-day - 30 - which in truth i know isn't that old, nor to i feel depressed that I've reach that point. I won't lie though - I've been feeling a bit off as of late - Think I've finally gotten to that point, that I feel i should be able to go out and have fun and not feel guilty about it and, i just don't think I've over come that.

I know to some, that concept doesn't even make sense, but, realize (please know i'm not complaining here, this is just the facts as i see them) that I was so focused on making sure I would have the future I wanted for myself, a professional career, a place to call my own - that I focused all my time, effort and money to do so. I dreamed all 4 years of college to be able to buy a fursuit - to go to a convention - but the school i went to was far too demanding (and expensive) to do that. And, I won't lie as I'm not perfect, watching people my age, and younger at the time doing those things, made me envious.

And now, I've gotten to the point, where I DO have the means, the time, and the stability in my life to do those things....but i still feel like doing so is selfish and i guilt trip myself into thinking the time/money could be spent in better ways - or worse, that I'm just being an attention whore that wants to go suiting out in public.

I'm hoping, at some point this summer, I can change that - give myself the leeway to actually DO these things. Was gonna try and goto Comic-Con, but apparently that sold out months ago :( Even got another fursuit in the works as we speak - so I can't complain at all right now

Life is very good regardless of that, got my love here with me, and helps me to see that I'm being ridiculous with all those thoughts. Hope to see lots of you at MFF this December!

So, it's been a bit crazy as of late - and I've been meaning to put up a journal about what is all going on, but half the time I would just think - it's just too crazy today yet, I can do it tomorrow - low and behold like a month, or 2 go by and I'm still going, I can do it tomorrow!

So, what's going on that has me too busy to even write a journal entry? Well, currently I am literally a day away from signing the paperwork to own a home with - which means another couple weeks of craziness as we both try and move all our crap into this new place we can call our own.

2nd major thing was the Exam I had taken at the end of October results had come back around Christmas....and I PASSED! Now, while that was the goal, there was a lot of other stuff i had to do, paperwork to sign and send in and so on. But, it is now official - I am a Registered Professional Engineer in my home state of Wisconsin!

Add that to getting a new job and moving out by me, and now in with me next week - everything is going well albeit a bit crazy.

I should be much more active / available to anyone and everyone once I'm moved in, so don't worry!

Well, after all the waiting and dreaming and wishing for years - I've seen more of my dreams come true this year than I ever thought possible.

I have a mate in - that I love more than words can express - Something I, a year ago, had began to think, was something that I just wasn't destined to have in life.

And now, I've gotten myself a fursuit - not just any suit either - a plush suit of myself (take a look http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11927422/ ) - something I have dreamed of for years - to show others the lovable, huggable cute side of myself that I've always been too self conscious and too scared to show.

To be told - how cute, and adorable I am...I'm tearing up just realizing how amazing it is now, to be released from all that self consciousness and be the me I know I can be.

I can't thank and enough for making this dream of mine a reality.

Well, I've finally done it, been meaning to tell the story of meeting Coco for years, but, just like with fursuiting, I was always scared of what others would think.

If you are wondering what I'm talking about, you can find it here
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11123236/

I'm trying not to get all emotional and remove it, this is who I am, you don't have to believe or understand, just accept that this is part of my being.

Thanks to all of those, that have helped me to get this far, as even with the strength i have, i could have never done it without you

Boy - I just never get around to writing these things like I want to - but now seems as good a time as any!

So - my B-day is today actually (yay!) and I spent the weekend with and - had an AWESOME time, finally got to see the top of the Sears (oh excuuuuuse me - the Willis) Tower - and it was just amazing - hopefully I'll update this journal later with a link to the video footage i took!

Trying desperately to be patient as my fursuits are being worked on - they should be done by the time I plan on debuting them (MFF 2013) but still, its hard to wait that long!

On a more personal note - I'll be seeing a lot of my family for the next few weekends - Grad parties, helping my little bro move, and, as great as that is, i find myself getting caught up in my own fears. I, really never truly appreciated how hard it is - to tell people that you are in a same-sex relationship when you know they wouldn't approve. My heart and soul goes out to all those before me who have done so - because, even at 29 years old, I'm not sure how, or if I can even do it.

For now - I'll focus on the positives - got my loving puppy now back in Wisco all settling in - fursuits and conventions coming in the not so distant future - and I've already met a great deal of new fur friends along the way!

 onom is having an art raffle! OVER HERE --> http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4582719/
Arts gonna be from the super amazing  twilightsaint - how can you not wanna sign up?

Was totally meaning to write a journal entry before i went off to FCN - but it was just too crazy at work and i was just WAY to excited!

The weather - sucked - for most of FCN - except when my buddy and i started home - then it was beautiful out.....figures.
Shared a room with a great group of people - thanks so much to for getting all that set up - you are awesome! Since FCN is a lot smaller than MFF - it was way easier to find my way around, meet new people, and people i've met before! I even got a chance to chat / drink (of course drink!) with Uncle Kage - which was awesome - on stage that guy is quite a character.
Got a chance to break out Spookyjack - so much fun! Hope there are a few pics out there of me with Pinky Pie from that day! It sounds terrible, but i LOVE the reactions - both positive and negative over that suit! I know met up with Spooky as Scout - and poor, poor - don't lie - you LOVE spookyjack!
Out of suit - it was great to get to chat with people I've only met online up until now! Got to chat with the talented fursuit makers and at one point - was great - hope i wasn't too drunk!

Over all - it was a lot of fun (and a lot of drinking) I can't wait until next year!

There - was one painful thing during the Con - even with all the fun i was having - I deeply, deeply missed my mate - I wished so badly he could be there with me. Next Con on my list is MFF (just got too much other stuff going on to make AC) and, I simply can't wait - should have a suit or 2 to debut - and I'll get to go with my mate - can't imaging anything more magical than that!

For now - I can wait - well, i think i can - i've never been a very patient burd in life! So here's to all of you - that showed me how great this fandom really is!

So - always thought about doing this, never actually did it - but hey why not right!
Journal for the Free kigurumi pajama raffle - can be found here:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4362109/

So, it's hard to even imagine...let alone explain how in a couple months, everything in life gets flipped on it's head!

I feel, considering it's V-day today...a holiday that I normally would scoff at, to admit....I've fallen in love. :D
Just 2 months ago, I sat here, lamenting about how alone I felt, and now, it's all different.

For now, as much as I'd like to beam from every rooftop who stole my heart and how much I love him, I'd rather wait until it's a bit more 'official' - but he knows who he is....and I luv you sweetie - look at that, got me all sappy in 5 sec flat!

And yes, you did read correctly: him. I don't even know the full amount of fear, and tears, and prayer regarding this whole deal. But, after a great deal of all those things, God was there for me, and helped me to see, that, like most things in life, it's not always black and white, and that love, conquers all things. And, thru it all, my new love waited, patiently, and was even willing to leave if it came to that. He makes me laugh, and blush, and cry, sometimes all at once- and I, truely love him.

The future, still has a few bumps coming....but together we will make it thru all of them. Love you sweetie! :) :) :)

Well now that 2013 is here - looks like I'm gonna have to start planning out which Conventions I wanna try and make it to - since hotel space and such books up months in advance for these things!

Decided I'd like to try and make it to Cali-fur (May 31-June 2)

Met a few furs from the west coast I'd like to meet in person there *squee*

So the question is -anyone else interested in going?

Going myself isn't quite as fun - also - be helpful to share the cost of the hotel - since the plane ticket is gonna be around 400 round trip to start with XD

Drop me a line if you are interested - even if you are afraid you can't share the cost - that's no big deal either!

So - the past months has been an emotional roller coaster for me - more so than any other time in my life. From feeling terrible for being an awful friend, to being giddy as a school girl over possible changes in life.

This Burdy has always felt he was somehow different, someone had to be the one to watch over things, never relenting, never wavering. Leaving myself on a perch, while all around seem to pass me by.
I was always afraid that even if I came down from my perch - I would still end up standing alone, the great flaming protector - to afraid to trust anyone elses strength but my own.

But it doesn't need to be that way - and it no longer will! In the past few months I have cried tears of grief and of sadness - but now I stand with tears of joy!

Even the few people I have met once joining the fur fandom - have shown me that I don't need to be alone - that together we can do more and be more than we can do individually.

I've done things I only dreamed and wished of doing - from going to a fur convention to commissioning art, to commissioning fursuits (yea - I know, it is plural - what can I say?). I have opened up to my dreams and fantasies - why I thought anyone would think less of me I no longer know.

To all those I've met along the way, thank you, you have changed my life in ways I truly never thought possible.
There are a few in particular though

 KJ_Roo Your plushie quadsuit inspired 'spookyjack' - which I don't know if i would have ever done in the past.
 Rei_Meerkat The real character behind 'spookyjack' - a character herself for sure - how could I say no? it sounds weird, but she really forced me to no longer sit on the sideline.
 harui Showed me a great many things - but most importantly - that I'm not alone, that there are others with whom I can relate - and that they can be right down the road, you just need to be willing to find them.
 chantilly_cat Reinforced that old life lesson - be yourself, have fun, and don't worry about what others think
 Glock17_9x19 Another fur that proved to me that I'm not all alone in a bubble somewhere
 RubbertexRaccoon For showing me that 'squeakyness' no matter how silly - is a part of me, that I shouldn't be afraid of
 Jestre will, I assume be, along with me a brony for life, and after watching him decide to take up voice acting, showed me that, I too, can join in the fun.
 Midori8 For her amazing suit work - I was enamored with it the moment I saw it, how could I not want one?
 denimwizard A kindred spirit - something I never thought possible - who showed me 'plushie' is also part of me - and along with Midori helped me to feel that I can truly come down off my perch and join in.

And last, but certainly not least
 GoonCon Proving that - Friendship Truly is Magic - and true friends, and true forgiveness, will triumph over adversity and hardship time and again.

Finally got a video cut together of Applejack at MWFF - you can find it her
http://cocoeagle.tumblr.com/post/39.....win-spookyjack

It was so much fun - can't wait to get myself a suit of my fursona for next year!
Speaking of that - the amazing   has opened for commissions, and first tinge I saw her work, I was just floored, especially her hubbies plushie suit - just AMAZING! So, obviously, I REALLY want to get one!
Which of course, leads to the 3rd part if this journal - as much as I lovethe plush suit idea, I don't know many other furs, especially near me, and I certainly don't have any I'm in a relationship with...so I am afraid I'd never be able to use such a wonderful suit...kinda sucks to have a dream like that killed because I don't have a date.
Sounds so rediculous, but if anyone is looking for a relationship, or hook up their friend, just drop me a line - I'm still looking and I'd like to think I'm a pretty good guy.

Well, it looks like, in true fashion of a phoenix - I have risen from the ashes of despair and self loathing.

The Holidays were great - saw family that I literally haven't seen in years - even met a second cousin that I never thought I'd meet!

I'm super excited for the new year - after waiting so long to join the fur community - I've gone to a convention, and have a couple fursuits on order so I'll be able to suit at the next one!

My immediate family still doesn't really know about my 'sona or anything like that - I was gonna try explaining it to them - maybe someday - but I don't think they would understand right now - and that's fine.

What really has me excited - is opening up my silly side - squeaky Coco! Most of the time I tend to be the protector and the voice of reason - not that I'm stuck up mind you - just like to carry myself in a 'regal' fashion as a phoenix should!

But you know what - sometimes - I wanna break loose and have a fun time! I was always embarrassed of my Squeaky side - afraid that I wouldn't be taken seriously.
But, as the year 2012 progressed - I found that this is who I am - and if I can't be true to myself - how can I expect anyone to take me seriously!

So - in the future - you may see some instances of Squeaky Coco - probably in a predicament where I'm inflated nice and round and unable to do anything about it - probably still be blushing from shyness for a bit though!

Hope everyone else had as nice of a holiday season as I did!

So - I typically don't like people knowing about my bouts of self pity. I also don't find myself getting depressed very often - in fact i don't know if I can actually claim to have ever been seriously depressed even over deaths in the family.

However - today I find myself at a loss - a loss for even words which is rather rare as well.

To start - the other day I had come to the hard realization that I had been, and was being, a certifiable asshole to a good friend of mine, and I mean Certifiable, with a capital C. I was so blinded by feelings of envy and jealously - that I couldn't even see that both my words and actions were truly hurtful. Then, to see that my actions were not only hurtful, but hypocritical as well throws it to an entirely new level.

Having seen this now (too late by any standard) - I find myself beyond deeply ashamed of my own actions. To top off my shame - I may have just ruined one of my most cherished friendships - which pains me to the point of being physically ill. I haven't been able to concentrate for days, nor can I take joy in the new laptop I just purchased. What's worse - is I can't bring myself to ask him for forgiveness - I certainly don't deserve it. I find myself holding back tears as I type this - why would anyone want to be friends with such a self-righteous hypocritical asshole as me?

To top that off - my PE test results came in today - and to my dismay once again - I didn't pass. Normally this wouldn't have upset me so much - but I really did give it my all this time - and I felt really good about being able to pass it this time. I know I'm a capable engineer - or am I just full of myself?

So - I've managed to fail miserably as a friend and also miserably as an engineer - two of the things I take seriously and pride myself in - pride that is apparently completely unwarranted.

Then, to think that failing an exam, has brought me to the point of depression only serves to increase my sadness and self pity.

I've never felt so sad and lonely in my entire life - I don't even know what to do.

I've always felt this sort of thing is something I must deal with on my own, but I don't know how to, or perhaps I do need some help...the help of a good friend...oh, what have I done; how could I have been so awful - i don't even deserve a good friend.
;-; ;-; ;-; ;-;

Stole from - well, from a lot of people - but here goes!

~Step 1~
Make a post in your journal containing your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple to really big. The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

If you wish for real-life things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where folks could get in touch with you.

~Step 2~
Surf around other lists to see who has posted their list. If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream for free--do it. You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call. There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special

~Step 3~
The List

1. A new Laptop - or money towards one - I've pretty much got the laptop I want picked out - just have to save up a little more to buy it.

2. To Pass my P.E. Exam - I know there isn't anything anyone can do about this, but it's at the TOP of my wish list for this year!

3. Any type of art of my Fursona - Coco Eagle (ref sheet http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8338945/ ) as I really don't have many.

4. Art of my Ponysona (http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9207872/ ) again - as i have very little art of any of my characters

5. A really sweet Icon of my Fursona - Coco Eagle (see above for ref sheet) - I'd really love to get a sweet .GIF style icon!

6 I'd really like to find someone to teach me the basics of using some of the art software like GIMP or PhotoShop or what have you - I am fluent at CAD drafting - but I really wanna learn how to make digital art.

7. Same as #6, but how do I make animated ,GIF files

8. FAN ART OF SPOOKYJACK! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaKS4zK7Hu4 also http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9301348/ )

9. I wish that i will be able to find and grant at least one wish on someone else's list!

10. More friends, especially online - and maybe if the stars align a girl-friend (for once in my life).

LIST OF OTHER WISHLISTS

CHECK OUT THIS HUGE LIST OF WISHES AT: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4052702/

Okay – Now that I finally got the internet to work in this hotel I’m in this weekend I can now post my review of my first MWFF experience.

First off – it was an amazing time – even though there were other issues that my buddy  GoonCon and I had to deal with before the Con – we still made it there about when we expected on Friday night.
Which is the first thing I am kinda annoyed about – I didn’t realize this was a 4 day Con – there was a ton of stuff we missed on Friday – in particular I really wanted to see the panel on inflatable costumes done by  ozkangaroo - but that was at like 3pm, which we would have never made.

It was a great time just wondering the halls, seeing all the suiters having a great time –  GoonCon was taking pictures left and right! Also got to pick up my paws I ordered from  Midori8 which I freaken LOVE.
Made it to the MLP panel on Friday night – once we left though it was so late that I was tired and getting a bit cranky – this was like 1 or 2 AM – so even though I really wanted to hit up some room parties – I knew I wouldn’t have / be any fun so it was time for some sleep.

Saturday was the parade – which was amazing – even watching the people watching the parade was fun! Also after the parade – I got the courage to bring out SpookyJack – which was a lot of fun – harder than I thought it was gonna be, (my knees are still feeling it) but totally worth it!
Best part was that  Rei_Meerkat happened by – which broke into another bit of– possible viral youtube – Hilarity!

Sadly – on Sat. night I still didn’t have the courage to hunt down a room party – I’m so shy and I feel like I’m trying to ‘weasel’ (please forgive the saying!) my way into a party or something – and that isn’t the way I am.

I did get to see a few people in person that I was hoping to meet a few include:

 Rei_Meerkat  Glock17_9x19  KJ_Roo  Jestre

But there were a lot of people I didn’t get to meet that I really wanted to – next time I will for sure – this time around I was just far too ‘green’.

Next time – well, next convention – cause I’m honestly thinking about trying to hit up another one – but any other one would probably require a plane ticket but I’m willing to go that far – I swear I will hit up a room party – maybe a full suit (which I have one on order already with  FarisBatwan ) will help break me out of my shell.

It’s ackward, because I came to the fandom so late (was more worried about getting out of college because I knew the school I went to was extremely demanding) – which makes me easily 5+ years older than most of you guys – and yet I’m the neebie!

Wow – didn’t think this journal would be this long – if you’ve read it all – I really appreciate it – please feel free to drop me a line and chat – I really wanna get to know more people in the fandom – but I’m really, really awkward at meeting people.

Finally made it to my first Con!
If anyone wants to say hi - I'll probably be in my Eagle Kigurimi PJ's most of the weekend - except when I get the chance to break out APPLEJACK!

This should be fun!

So, I’m trying to figure out – why as hard as I try, I’m still failing at the social side of life.  I’ve finally come to terms with my fursona – which while even the majority of people on FA and in the furry community think isn’t something you need to ‘come out’ as – I still find myself hiding it from people.

How you ask?  I had a very heated discussion with a family member recently on how it is apparently wrong for men / women to wear the opposite genders clothing – if this is their viewpoint, how could I ever hope to explain my fursuits, like, the Applejack costume I have?

 It’s upsetting that as much as I enjoy fursuiting (even though I really haven’t had a great number of chances to do it – nor do I really consider myself a great performer) that it’s a hobby that most friends and family I have just don’t/won’t/can’t understand or accept.  I don't expect them to, but to not have a single one - and actually to fear what some of them might think, makes it that much harder.

What is really weighing on me, is well, me.....my incessant need to justify that there is nothing wrong with me being a fur and how that ends up being transmitted into some need to go out of my way to inject my ‘furrieness’ into other things – as if I was 8 years old or something.

The most disheartening part, is that in my zeal – which I can only attribute to some strange concept of ‘making up for lost time’ that I feel I need to do – is that it’s hurting my relationships with my current friends and family (there is someone in particular that I wish to humbly apologize to – you know who you are).

I am finding it difficult (as it has always been for me) to try and meet new people that in this particular case I can do ‘furry’ things with, to help take the pressure off both meme and my existing relationships.  Internet friends are not something I’ve understood – as I find I don’t have much to say (normally – as this entry seems to be an anomaly) or when I do say something, it comes out as awkward, since communicating on the net is not as articulate as it is in RL.

I find myself angry and frustrated with myself, that these issues STILL haunt my everyday life.

 To complete the circle of relationship issues – I have family asking about why I’m still single – really? Really? Great – just what I need.  It’s tough enough for me to make friends – dating is even more difficult.  I’ve tried both before and after my joining of the fur community – and I usually find that in all cases I’m a blathering idiot in mixed company.
And, although I’m sure somehow I could try harder - I am left wondering if I'm just incapable of it, or am I really just not trying hard enough?

 Anyone that has read this far, I greatly appreciate your interest – I very rarely, in fact almost never, air my personal problems out for others to see – as I have been blessed with many things in life, I always feel that my problems are so minor to what others face I guess all I can do is to keep trying, hopefully I can open up and meet people at MFF, try and spread my wings as it were (no pun actually intended).  Until then, I will continue trying, and hopefully will find the balance that I’m missing in life.

So I finally made it to my first convention - a brony convention but that still counts!

Midwestria was amazing - rather small (bout 600 peeps they said) - which was actually a good thing, made it less intimidating. My buddy put a bunch of pics up of me taking out my new Applejack quadsuit ( http://imgur.com/a/1anqQ#0 ) Which got VERY mixed reviews - it was either the coolest thing ever, or the creepiest thing they had ever seen - LOL.
There is a vid on the net of the suit too - a girl just HAD to try on the costume - still not sure how bright of an idea letting her do that really was, kinda got caught up in the moment at the time though.
There is a video of my walking down the hallway though http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDqfCDCKTXE

I'll be ready for any and all craziness for the next con though (MFF - super excited). Actually just got my tail today - gotta post pics yet - and I might get lucky and have a fursuit by then - one far less cumbersome than the quadsuit.

All in all, it was a great experience - even won some sweet pony swag at the Charity Auction!
Hoping that at MFF I can meet up with some more fursuiters and have an awesome time!

Well, considering I now have more than one fursuit / costume on order - I'd say I've finally entered the furry fandom in full.

Sadly - I won't get either of the Coco-Eagle fursuits before MFF, which makes me very sad.

But - I did get the craziest thing I've ever purchased today! Quad-suit Applejack, and it's here in time for Midwestria! I'm sure I'll put up some pics of it eventually - but, honestly, it's epic crazy - hope it goes over well when I do get pics up.

I can't deny though - that I'm worried about how people will react to me, or to the fact that I own this suit - that's actually the reason I was absent in the furry fandom for a LONG time in the first place - So here is to expanding horizons!

Got a video camera coming this week, so maybe I'll get some video and put it on youtube - but we'll see....You know, maybe its about time I starting linking some of this stuff over on facebook while I'm at it too!

Honestly - I don't know whether I should laugh or cry at how pathetic our society has become.

I went to see the Dark Knight Rises finally - no I didn't go opening night, I've had EVERYONE asking me why I hadn't seen it yet....so while visiting a friend, we decided to go see the movie.

It's a great movie, too bad my enjoyment of it was trampled on when I had the COPS looking for me! Seriously, then ENTIRE police force of the little town we went to see the movie at was out looking for 'Batman' (If you haven't seen my Bike / Gear - its on FA here, just check out my submissions)
Multiple Squad cars in front of the theater - being padded down and search in the hallway before the movie starts - the worst experience evar.

The worst part - I was waiting for the police to pull me over - some jag-off stole the license plate off my bike! But that's not why they were there - rather than a real reason, apparently a few people at the nearby walmart called me in....I'm just at a loss for words

When it rains it pours as they say....ugh hopefully I can get this all straightened out on Monday.......

I just can't help but love this awesome plushie quadsuit!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-P0vLHoVZAk

I think I'm gonna have to try and get one for myself! Would a plushie version of Sesshomaru be awesome or what? Anyone always want a giant stuffed animal they could play with - LOL?

Just seems to be ironic to me, that I love fursuiting, but have absolutely no talent in making them.
Thinking I'll try and commission a full fursuit for myself at MFF - not sure how that works though....guess I'll have to find out - also means I better get cracking on that reference sheet of Coco!