It has been a while.

For personal reasons I have moved accounts to  CurioScuro

I will post there from now on, might be a week or so before things get moving.

This account is on hold until I decide what I want to do with it.

...when it comes to my goals.

I want this new tower already so I can get back to arting, editing, streaming, etc. It's still at least 1 more cheque away cuz rent etc come first. It's driving me bananas waiting though. BANANAS!!

I just want it so bad and I am so close to my goal I can taste it. It is what comes after that I am most excited for though. This laptop can't do squat anymore and my old tower is fried. It has screeched a lot of things I like to do to a halt.


IDK I needed to vent. First world problems. I am just grateful I can pay my own bills but yeh. Impatient!

That said if you guys want to support me I take donations, and do have a Patreon though it isn't very active atm. I have some plans once I am back up and running with a real workspace but for now it is a little dry.

But yeh this is me showing I am alive. And Stuff. Still not sure what I am doing with this account but I do tend to lurk about, LURK I SAY.

Ok bye.

Just been working away, think I am finally hitting my stride but I am still pretty dead when I get home.

Been slowly drawing more and more again, just little doodle sessions each night but it is something.

Almost have enough money to replace my computer, another month maybe and I may have enough to get it up and running. See how expenses go, those come first.

I am over half way. So I feel hopeful. I am doing everything I can to add to my savings between cheques but I only have so much time at home.

I am pretty ragged atm. But I feel good about it. So many plans, just gotta get that PC and things will start rolling.

I have taken the last 4 months to really focus on what I want out of life. Really try and reorient myself. I still cannot say whether or not I am coming back as an artist or just remaining a half present lurker but for now, I am going to be pretty absent.

I started my first plain ol' office job in years on the 2nd and I am pretty wiped I must say. Adapting to working life and the schedule and all that. Still planning to build my PC and start arting again but in what direction I am still not sure. Part of me wants to start fresh and new. I am not who I was 2 years, even 1 year ago. I don't feel like this space or this name accurately represents me at all.

That said I do not have an idea what does. Just been keeping to myself and working hard to save what I need for my computer and office (a lot of things are falling apart or were broken when I moved) while balancing bills and expenses that slipped by me while I was on welfare.

Creativity has been absent from me lately. Just trying to remain positive and grateful, use my energy to plan and solidify what I want until it comes back.

Idk just wanted you guys to know I am alive.

Once I get working (what I've been working on for months now) I am going to pay back most of the people waiting, there is a piece I want to finish once I have a PC that can do so. For the most part, I am just going to pay what I owe and be done. I can't keep fighting and pretend I am going to come back. I'll leave the account up till then.

It's my bday today, gonna go eat all the foods!

Then party on Sat. I am stoked.

Wheee I am 30. -o-

I've been having a really hard time lately. I took a break to try and sort out some important roadblocks in my life, and it's going longer than I wanted.

I am not in a good place lately. I was working through trying to get ODSP and it fell through, it was a huge ball of stress and forms and appointments that had me really stretched thin emotionally. And recently that means any attempt to create is just met with chilling panic and very low energy levels.

My sleep schedule is ruined, I've been having a lot of migraines and stress headaches. Especially after nights where I do sleep and I clench my jaw into a day long spasm. I am just not okay. This last year especially has been really hard and it isn't getting easier. It unburied a lot of resentment I have been feeling over big aspects of my life that I no longer feel are my own, resentment I kept hidden because I thought I would work through it after I grieved. But the more I tried to ignore it the more bitter and angry I got.

I am at a point now where I hate drawing. I pick up the pen and get angry and frustrated until I cry. It isn't healthy, so I stopped. I need to get to the bottom of everything, I need to start building a life for myself so I can stop stressing over where life is going, so I can maybe someday have a job I love and be able to feed myself.

I feel like the commission/freelance route isn't really working for me, while I love my commissioners it is just too much of a slog and can grow really heavy fast. I am looking at options for my career, and schooling, trying to decide what is next. SO I need some time, I will be finishing the art I owe I am just trying to get into a healthier headspace. You guys deserve my best after all the patience and support you have given. I need help.

I am starting back into therapy on Thursday, I see a new therapist to get back on track with my mental health. I just can't keep doing things how I have been, it is just getting worse. I wanted to make this journal not to boohoo and search for a pity party, but to let those of you who care to know where I sit. Be transparent.

I am not in a good place emotionally or financially.
I am rebuilding my life from nothing with barely enough money to feed myself.
If it were not for my loved ones I would not have made it this far.
I am so grateful for everyone's patience with how quiet I've been.
Thank you for not hounding me and adding to the stress.
I have not forgotten about you guys, I try to work a little every day, it just isn't to my liking right now.
My creative drive is dead, I haven't been sleeping well. Mostly the weather but partially me not addressing my feelings over the breakup and the massive change to my life.
I want better for my life but I have to do things at my pace so I can do them right.

Thank you for waiting, I hope I find answers soon so I can make things right one way or another.

I lowered the price on these: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20625099/

There are still 3 for sale.


That's about it.

While the auction for Kenya was going I decided there were a few underloved characters I wanted to find new homes for, also I could use the money to further some projects I am wanting to start this year and I don't want to take on more until I have finished the stuff I owe. Plus they do be no good just sitting here. If interested please note me. Will take listed price or better offer.

Blair, male mouse: $75

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19482862/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18266878/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9682936/

Leslie, female dog: $40 Sold!

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20151117/

Roz, Hybrid, dickgirl : $60 Sold!

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13824173/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10782161/ (the one being the seat)

Also don't forget these guys are still up to adopt, only 3 left:

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20625099/

Sorry things have been so slow to get going. I've been struggling with some major depression these last couple weeks. Slowly getting out of it but until I can see a therapist I don't want to strain it too much too fast. I have been spending this week, despite my really weird sleep schedule, getting the habit of daily tasks under my belt. Starting small and working my way back to "normal".

Mostly teaching myself to do things despite how shit I feel. Even if it is something as small as taking out the garbage or sweeping the floor. I have been overextending and pushing myself back on the horse too fast lately and I just end up relapsing.

So for the sake of my stress levels I have slowly been picking at commissions between my daily tasks. Let's see if I can get this under my belt then I can start incorporating full days of art along with it. Just don't have a lot of energy lately.

So I have been thinking I really want to do more costume design. I really enjoy that kind of thing. From armor to standard clothes. Fantasy or modern or anything really. I always have so much fun working on that kind of thing.

Would anyone be interested in me designing them a costume, say $75 for a flat color back and front like this but not naked obviously !

Some examples of my designs:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19645111/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19482862/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19186652/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18271957/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17907952/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/21412042/

Let me know what you think of this idea, in the meantime I am working on a few other projects and some for myself. I could really use the money, both for home expenses and food, and if I am going to be able to go to MFF and see you guys next month I need to hustle.

Edit: I should also add that $50 single figure is also an option. The $75 could also be 2 poses.

So with the start of a new month and all of my color work cleared out I am opening up for commissions as I finish the last few things on my list of sketches.

Only a couple things left to do that are small so I want to get started on new stuff ASAP for two reasons.

1] I need to put money aside for groceries and upkeep.
2] I really want to go to MFF this year as I could really use the business and I need to get out of the apartment and my usual schedule for the sake of my sanity.

Along with commissions I am open for icons ($10) and preorder badges to be picked up at the con (I will be in the artist alley or easily findable)

Going to take 2 badges at a time, $50, colored with copic and laminated. Theme this year is winter but it doesn't have to be themed.

If I don't manage to go I will mail them out.

Example of badges!

Note me with badge details, including color of backing (red,orange,blue,purple,brown,black,white,pink, and yellow), and refs. Also give me an email to send sketch for approval.

Note me the usual for regular commissions or icons.

Some YCH chibis dropped today for bidding: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/21335637

This is just the first batch, if they go over well I hope to do more.

Also I am taking bust commissions like this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/21334901

If so note me the deets, they are simple shading and can be Autumn or Halloween themed. Starting at $40.

Taking busts because I really need money for food and other expenses, my monthly check only covers rent and internet right now and I am hurting for money. I don't get my hearing for disability until February so I gotta survive until that goes through. My parents are helping a little but I would really like to stand on my own feet. That said I can't take more full commissions until I get some of the owed work off my plate. The busts are good pacing/coloring practice and I can easily work on them while I do the stuff I owe. Figured it was a good balance.

I am also accepting regular busts and chibis or sketches.

If you wanna help out commissioning me is the surest way. I am not doing so good monetarily and I really could use the work and the confidence boost. Promise to have the busts done before the end of the month. The old stuff should be finished before the holidays for sure. At the very latest.

Note me.

I've still got three of my Lun'ar for adoption. They really need a good home.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20625099/

Note me if interested.

For those who do not follow me on twitter (@CooperPerian) I have been touching base from time to time about my current work climate and headspace. I've been sort of MIA these last couple months and honestly it was for the best on my end.

I know a few of you are waiting on some art from me. I am still going to do them, I just don't know when right now. This will be explained.

For many years now I have had a really unhealthy relationship with my art as a whole. I spent a lot of time in really toxic professional relationships, living in the shadows of people who thought themselves my better, and treated me as such. This made it so that when I finally found friends and colleagues willing to cheer me on, willing to believe in me, I was too far gone.

I get into my own head a lot, I have a lot of anxiety and fight with depression pretty regularly. This is a big source of that for me. I used to love drawing and never really put much thought into it but now like a lot of things in life my own mind betrays me on the regular over it and just piles a shitload of stress on me over nothing. I am working on finding help for that but on top of the heat waves that just passed, dealing with legal issues over ODSP, fighting with my doctor over my many health issues and being horribly slowed down by insomnia I am just not in a good place. I am really stressed out and fighting with my hand to do as it's told is the last thing I can handle.

I've slowly been placing together my motivation again it's just taking time, I am not okay, I can barely feed myself without outside intervention, but I know I will make it through, after all I got this far. I just need time, and money, but mostly time, to figure out what steps will get me where I need to be. I have considered quitting, but I want to know why I am unhappy as an artist instead of ending up full of regret and still being unhappy. So things might be spotty but I am trying, just trying not to push too hard right now because I have a lot going on.

Thought you all would wanna know. TL;DR art is coming, just at a much slower pace cuz I am burned out from stress.

So these last few weeks have been really stressful. I have been in and out of offices and appointments trying to get everything settled for my hearing for ODSP in February. Been dealing with a lot of money stress as I have been broke all month, literally down to my last $0.74 for weeks now, had to call my parents for help a couple of times just to keep food on the table. Now I find out that my old OW worker was not communicating with me correctly and I am now being penalized for the "overpayment" I was receiving (referring to the grocery money I have been scraping together). I won't get into the details but basically it is going to make it even harder to get by until my hearing, which I am hoping goes in my favor.

On top of that, the weather has been so all over the place here that it is really messing with my productivity and mood. Depression has been really high on top of all the hyper-tension and stress this mess has been causing me.

I am just really upset and worn out and not doing well. So that is why things have ground to a halt on my end, I just can't seem to win in anything lately and it is really getting to me.

EDIT: I was also reminded to add that I do still have 3 adopts for sale. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20625099/

Because they didn't auction at all the Lunar in my auction post are now for sale for a flat $40 USD. Note me if you want one!

Rent and bills have come and gone and I find myself in a bit of a financial corner as I am down to like my last $0.30 and I really do need to do groceries soon along with a few things for my household. I know this is the worst time of year to open for commissions because of conventions but I thought I should put an official journal up so that there was no confusion as to whether or not I was open.

Yes I'm open for commissions just send me a note with all the information and I will get back to you with a price. I am still working on outstanding pieces but I have been alternating between new and old because I do need to eat as that is sort of important.

Basically the problem I'm facing is that the check I get every month it's just enough to pay rent and my internet after that I have about $50 and that's really not enough to live off of for a month. So any and all commissions essentially are going to feeding me or saving up for a slow month which I didn't manage to do in June like I had planned.

I know I still owe some of you commissions. Those are currently in the works most of them are half done and I will be working on them between taking new commissions or while I wait for new ones to come in. They are my priority I don't want to leave any of you hanging that and I think there's only a couple left so it's not like the list is long. It is important to me to get that caught up even if there's only a couple but as I said they didn't need to eat and I have things that need taking care of both medically and financially.

July 6th, 2015 was the day my relationship of 12 years ended. Sending me out into the world all alone to face all the things that I didn't know how to do, to be by myself when I wasn't ok with who I was.

I have been single for a year now and I am okay with it. I get lonely. I am afraid of the things I cannot control. But I am learning, I am fighting, I am falling in love with myself. I am shaping who I want to be and the kind of person I would be okay handing to someone to love someday.

I want to be happy, and I am starting to be, I am alive and kicking despite my challenges. And grateful to those of you who helped along the way.

So one year past and I'm still here. I refuse to hide. I refuse to be ashamed. I refuse to vanish just because I was thrown aside. Because I have learned one thing this year, I am worth better. I am worth more. And I am stronger than I know.

Feel free to note me, girl's gotta eat. I will also be streaming more this week.

Okay, so I am going to finishing up what I have now that I am all set up but this is me formally opening for June commissions.

It has been a bit so I kinda want to start small but I will be taking everything since I need to start saving up for food etc for the upcoming months.

Feeling busts and chibis but everything is game. Prices are in my commission info.

I need:

Email
Paypal Address
Type of commission
References
Details

Once we have agreed on a price I will send out an invoice for payment.

For the couple I have left to do I will be spending the rest of this week finishing them up while new ones come in. I need to keep on top of things because I need the money for food and other expenses. And to make sure I can feed my meow cat :P.

I will be doing a journal like this every month, probably at the end of the month before. My hope is to have all commissions wrapped up before the month is out of their purchase, life does happen but that is at least my plan. I also have some things I want to save for.

So send me your note if interested.

EDIT: I will also be drawing the name from my moving fund raffle soon, not tonight though, I am so beat.

Okay, big post time! Get a snack and buckle in this will be a bit of a doozy, I will try not to ramble.

Off the start; I finally got my internet set up Tuesday. So I can get back to work REALLY soon once the unpacking is complete. Now that I can access everything I can comfortably work and there will be lots of streams coming. I plan to be putting up a bunch of stuff soon. Also, I should be 100% done everything within a week or so. I am still open for commissions I just can't get started back into it until unpacking etc is done cuz my house is a mess and I can't work like that.

Secondly, I have moved into my new place fully, it's a bit of a mess right now, not a productive space yet. I still have a lot of stuff to buy and bring in so that I can complete my place. My living room is empty right now. >.>
Financially it is a tight squeeze but doable. Just keep in mind everything I make here is putting food on my table and keeping me safe and healthy. My rent and internet are fine through the finances I have now but its tight for food so I am gonna have to work my ass hard on here.

Thirdly on a downer note, I am dealing with a death in my family. My best friend and grandmother passed away on Mother's Day. She was the light that set me on all of the right paths when I was young, she even bought me my first sketchbook. She always supported the things I was interested in even if she didn't fully understand. Because it made me happy and because I shared that joy with her. I will miss her so badly. I feel somewhat guilty that I wasn't more present in the last while because of my own health and issues. I worry she died resenting me and that really bothers me. But she knew I loved her dearly, she was always in my thoughts. The grief is really hard on me right now but the deep cry is passed I think, I still tear up from time to time.

Tiptoe seems to be really happy in my new place. He has his witching hour again and he doesn't do the long pained meowing he was doing with the first move. So he seems a lot better. Dunno what was up but I am glad he is alright. He loves the window seats all over my place, loves to watch the outside which he never could before.

I have started cooking for myself more and more every week, it is enjoyable when my legs allow it. My new meds seem to be a lot of help but I do still get the odd sleepy day. My parents bought me a coffee maker though so that helps. :P

As for side projects, I am going to be gunning it with my comic once I am settled because the recent loss has me realizing that I cannot be wasting my life, my time and my health. I need to embrace myself and be the person my Granny knew I could be. I gotta believe in me the way she did.
Also, I want to start a makeup channel on Youtube, still undecided but I have things I gotta get for the setup. But it is a thing I really want to do. Gonna have to do some saving too.

My birthday was on the 3rd but I really didn't do anything. I was horrendously sick after my move with a cold that went around but I am all better now. Just allergies. I did get to do dinner with my friend Nemet but that was about it. Now I am just trying to get my energy and my momentum back.

Just going to take a little time to get into the groove again, but I finally have a full office separate to my bedroom with lots of space. I think that is going to help with my productivity. I should have a video together soon giving a tour of the place. But following my snapchat or Instagram will have more tidbits and shots of the place as well!

For those of you who are new within the time I have been sorta absent, HELLO! I am alive and back and filled with excitement and hope for the future to come. Love you guys and make sure to give me a holler if you want any kinda work done, prices are all on my info page. Social media will be at the bottom of this journal.

TL;DR I am back and settling, work will resume after unpacking is totally done, and I am close. Lots to come!

Social Media:
@ CooperPerian on Twitter (without space)
cooperperian on snapchat
cooper_perian on IG (mostly cats, food, and makeup)
Cooper Bytes for my gaming vids on Youtube

If you want XBOX etc feel free to note me~!

Okay so we are nearly at the goal for my move savings, so I need to make sure my raffle is up to date. Wrote down everyone who commissioned me at FE to add them to the list and I want to make sure I am not missing anyone so comment below if you got a sketch from me.

[center]Funding Progress [1400/2000]

0 ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒2000 [/center

As I am sure you have seen from my lack of activity and twitter timeline I am not doing alright.

Been having consistent panic attacks over this move as I am running out of time and options. I break down crying at the drop of the hat and can barely eat because I just puke it all back up. My stomach and legs are in agony and I can't sleep properly. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I am really scared. And feeling very bitter over my situation. How am I supposed to get my life in order if I cannot even settle in a place to call home for more than a few months? I only really blame myself honestly.


I am trying every resource I can find but finding a place is proving nearly impossible. I'm just so fucked.



Ugh ignore me I just needed to vent.

Funding Progress [1200/2000]

0 ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒2000

Now that I am home from my trip and things are starting to calm down again (except my sleep schedule) I can get back to a more regular posting schedule. Also get back to finishing the multiple percolating commissions.

That said I am running out of time to save money for my move May 1st. I am not anywhere close to my goal and I am really starting to worry. This money will be to pay internet set up, first and last, and the bills/groceries/etc until I get switched over to disability. A date as to which I have no idea when will be, so I put in the budget extra to make sure I can eat and keep the lights on until then.

I really need your help you guys.

You can help by:
Buying adopts and YCHs
Commissioning me
Donating via paypal
Supporting me on Patreon
Purchasing art during streams



I still have a long way to even reaching a goal I can consider safe for the months after the move. So please, any and all help is appreciated.

If I reach my goal in time I will be holding a raffle. Any and all contributors to my saving fund will get their name added to the draw for a free character bust. I have already begun keeping track of names of everyone who has commissioned me since all this began.

Really starting to get worried here. This move is not something I chose, I have to do it because of the plans of the people I live with now that were already in place before I moved in. It is crunch time and I really need help. I am still scrambling to find a place I can afford that is open so that is what I slowing down progress.

Fear not however! I am working on the commissions, just a bit slow as my schedules are all over the place right now. Trying to buckle down and use every functional second I have to get things up. One should be coming out today/tonight.

But yeh, rambling cuz I am a bit freaked out. Progress below.

Funding Progress [700/2000]

0 ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒2000