When some one has taught you for years how to be around them, then changes it entirely, and can't let you have your foot in the door.. what do you do? You stop trying, so I am. I've embraced the fact I'm afraid to sleep with out them holding me once or twice a month, I accepted my body is a wreck, and I'm accelerating it. I will no longer sleep till I collapse, I refuse to eat. It may be putting alot on them, but they aren't even going to read this. All I wanted was a second chance at being good friends, and I know in a relationship I could have done better given the right encouragement.

When she was pregnant with some one else's kid, I had always been there, and would have been if she asked. I always just tried to be friends, even when she didn't let me. I'm going to go throw up again.. I'm done trying FA, for all you furfags out there, I am done trying.

I've always loved that quote. 'SANITY.. IS FOR THE WEAK!' and I think I've reached a point I understand it. It's not bullshit, but it's not a comforting thought either, but it is a necessity brought about by what amounts to a unhallowed world, where the most basic of rights are suspended. It is ultimately that in such a damned cultural miasma of violations and tyrants that Sanity is for the -Weak-.

Sanity is ultimately determined by a culture, or society, as a norm. This helps make the quote clear, the concept is the 'Sane' are the masses, the -Weak-. They blindly go along with how this world is, unwilling to change it, showing their weakness, their unwillingness to stomache the actions needed to change, or impart a new spin on this fallen world. Sanity truly is for the Weak.

Those of us lacking in sanity, those -truly- lacking in sanity, capable of acts considered brutal and barbariac by any 'Sane' standards, are also capable of changing the world if given the capacity and the drive to do so. The problem then becomes, how does one focus chaos it self? It is a gradual process, one that Gaia is seeing brought to life, first the Strong must be carefully crafted, so that they might kill the weak as needed. This sort of evolutionary track is brutal, many failures will occur. Most of us are just the failures, capable of great inflictions of suffering, but incapable of directing it properly.

Then once the Strong can be directed, they must purge the world of the Fallen, the damning influences of Tyrants and crime unhindered, before ultimately being made extinct them selves through evolution.

Sanity truly is For the Weak. Death has no meaning here, the Strong will inherit the world for a time, for they do not fear inflicting death, this is a natural order, maybe it is wrong for me to think other wise, but I know I'm a flawed construct, and absolution is my only mercy left to the tortured mind.

Thanks to Blisk, whom I love forever, I got a new snake named Damien, he's between two and four years of age, and pretty chillax, given I bought him when he was shedding. He's used to being handled 6 or so hours a day, so he's really well adjusted, and actually -likes- being in a bath tub with about an inch of warm water, since the previous owners let him slither about like that once a week or so.

Well, Tanith Died. To little, to much shock, I don't know. He died.... fortunately, petco has a 15 day policy.