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2021 is already shit
Posted 4 years agoTW: Death, cancer
I hate it here.
Last month I had a family member pass away, and it sucked. She was my step great grandma, and she was an amazing woman who lived to 99 1/2.
Tonight while I was at work I learned that my great uncle, who's been in the hospital for the past few days, has lung cancer.
I guess the tumor is so big that it's broken some of his ribs. They were going to schedule a biopsy on Monday, but it sounds like he doesn't even want to fool with that. I can't say I blame him...None of us are honestly surprised that he has lung cancer because he's such a heavy smoker and really doesn't take great care of himself. He's my grandma's only living sibling, and of course I can't help but think about how sad my grandma will be...I was talking with my mom and sister and we realized that the symptoms he's been having since before thanksgiving were very much symptoms of the cancer. I haven't seen him since probably Xmas 2019 because of COVID and him not feeling well, and now I don't know if I'll ever see him again.
I dealt with such little loss growing up and the loss I did experience was when I was too young to understand what was going on. Between that and my mental illness loss has been something I've found hard to cope with. I ended up having to leave work early one day when my step great grandma passed away, so who knows what's going to happen with this one. My borderline makes it hard for me to mask my emotions most of the time.
I'm so tired.
I hate it here.
Last month I had a family member pass away, and it sucked. She was my step great grandma, and she was an amazing woman who lived to 99 1/2.
Tonight while I was at work I learned that my great uncle, who's been in the hospital for the past few days, has lung cancer.
I guess the tumor is so big that it's broken some of his ribs. They were going to schedule a biopsy on Monday, but it sounds like he doesn't even want to fool with that. I can't say I blame him...None of us are honestly surprised that he has lung cancer because he's such a heavy smoker and really doesn't take great care of himself. He's my grandma's only living sibling, and of course I can't help but think about how sad my grandma will be...I was talking with my mom and sister and we realized that the symptoms he's been having since before thanksgiving were very much symptoms of the cancer. I haven't seen him since probably Xmas 2019 because of COVID and him not feeling well, and now I don't know if I'll ever see him again.
I dealt with such little loss growing up and the loss I did experience was when I was too young to understand what was going on. Between that and my mental illness loss has been something I've found hard to cope with. I ended up having to leave work early one day when my step great grandma passed away, so who knows what's going to happen with this one. My borderline makes it hard for me to mask my emotions most of the time.
I'm so tired.
2021 Goals
Posted 4 years agoI'm mostly putting this here because I need to write/type things like this out for them to stick. Gotta love having a shit memory due to mental illness. :)
Goals for 2021:
- Complete a drawing at least once a month.
- Actually use my copic markers.
- Try a find a doctor for previously mentions mental illness.
- Move into a bigger apartment when lease is up.
- Keep plants alive.
- Keep motivation for Etsy shop and hopefully sell more crocheted items.
- Finally crochet myself a pair of mittens like I've planned to do for a year now.
- Get back into cooking and stop eating out so much.
- Get cute clothes, harnesses, and maybe lingerie to boost confidence.
I guess if I have anything else to add I will. I really hope that 2021 is going to be a better year, but it's so hard to be optimistic right now. 2020 has been probably the worst year of my life so far. I hate my job more then ever, I have no motivation to do anything I love, I'm trying to learn how to cope with BPD while finding a doctor is a pain right now, and I often feel too overwhelmed to do much of anything.
Gotta love it.
I know I currently have no followers on here, but I hope that changes. I really need friends in the furry community back in my life.
Goals for 2021:
- Complete a drawing at least once a month.
- Actually use my copic markers.
- Try a find a doctor for previously mentions mental illness.
- Move into a bigger apartment when lease is up.
- Keep plants alive.
- Keep motivation for Etsy shop and hopefully sell more crocheted items.
- Finally crochet myself a pair of mittens like I've planned to do for a year now.
- Get back into cooking and stop eating out so much.
- Get cute clothes, harnesses, and maybe lingerie to boost confidence.
I guess if I have anything else to add I will. I really hope that 2021 is going to be a better year, but it's so hard to be optimistic right now. 2020 has been probably the worst year of my life so far. I hate my job more then ever, I have no motivation to do anything I love, I'm trying to learn how to cope with BPD while finding a doctor is a pain right now, and I often feel too overwhelmed to do much of anything.
Gotta love it.
I know I currently have no followers on here, but I hope that changes. I really need friends in the furry community back in my life.
