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Bit of yote lore (vent i guess)
Posted a month agoSo. In 2023, i was living life a bit on the fast lane. Forgot to eat and drink a lot, had anemia, weak immune system, very underweight.
My social life was crazy. Constant partying with furs, lots of alcohol, no self-care or exercise.
During that time i had ADHD meds that ultimately harmed me WAY more than helped.
So: My health suddenly collapsed. I got an infected tooth, which spread bacteria into my bloodstream.
Also known as sepsis. I also had bacterial endocarditis because of bacteria growth in my heart valve. I had to go to the cardiological ICU, and i appreciate EVERYONE who came to visit <3
The fandom was like family to me. The closer friends especially. I made preparations in case i wouldn't make it
While this was all happening, i got evicted from my apartment. Lost about 90-95% of my belongings.
Lost my dear rescue dog who i never got to say goodbye to, and that STINGS. To this day.
A close relative died too.
I was afraid any day was gonna be my last. I was so weak i couldn't even lift up my arms. I passed out in the chest x-ray machine.
The doctors told me that open heart surgery is the only option. Very serious shit at only age 29 at that point.
So, i made peace with death. I still cried occasionally. I had occasional panic attacks. But i "it is what it is"-ed my way out of it.
Surgery was a success, and i recovered for a month. I now have a nice good prosthetic heart valve :>
But. After getting discharged from the hospital - i was released right into the streets. Homeless.
One furry took me on their couch for a month, but i lived half from the back of my van. Recovering from fucking open heart surgery. This was the time when who i thought was my best friend decided to go gaslight-backstab-apeshit on me, and started spreading rumors, lies, and shit about me to "steal my spot" from the "fandom hierarchy", which didn't even exist.
They even took on my persona, my interests, my dialect - basically my entire "thing".
So, i was alone.
No social life.
No home.
No dog.
No money.
No property except my laptop, van, and a few knick knacks.
Bills to pay.
And a lot of unfair attacks on me for what amounted to 110% lies.
But then, a GOOD friend from the fandom said "you're NOT gonna sleep in your fucking van, get your ass here RIGHT THIS INSTANT". I'm forever in gratitude for her ; - ;
And i found an apartment soon after.
..and _THIS_ is what i call my new game +
New me, new name, new friends, new personality, no more masking. Live every day like it's your last. Never lose that spark inside.
And a few months ago, i decided to join discord. Found a very good tight-knit community by PURE LUCK. Been having the time of my life, while my local fandom explodes from the inside from the amount of burden and drama.
I found new interests. New hobbies. Widened my comfort zone and horizons.
Dated someone who i still feel like is my soulmate, but we're on a break until further notice because of life situations and personal differences.
Now it's almost august 2025, a bit over 2 years after it all. And after mogging that little runt of a motherfucker who ruined my social life, i feel like a massive boulder got lifted off my shoulders. He was a scared little kid lost in a supermarket when an actually dominant, very much deservedly pissed off coyote bumped into him at a rave. The dude didn't even have the balls to look at me. Ran away with his tail tucked between his legs.
I found a family where i feel like i belong. Where i feel wanted and accepted. And my presence is appreciated.
I have a gorgeous rescue dog.
I found druidism and spiritual stuff.
I quit drinking and changed into better, non-ritalin ADHD meds which have helped out a ton.
And being wicked and wild, untamed, living to the max feels so fucking fantastic i have no words for it.
I feel alive and good <3
My social life was crazy. Constant partying with furs, lots of alcohol, no self-care or exercise.
During that time i had ADHD meds that ultimately harmed me WAY more than helped.
So: My health suddenly collapsed. I got an infected tooth, which spread bacteria into my bloodstream.
Also known as sepsis. I also had bacterial endocarditis because of bacteria growth in my heart valve. I had to go to the cardiological ICU, and i appreciate EVERYONE who came to visit <3
The fandom was like family to me. The closer friends especially. I made preparations in case i wouldn't make it
While this was all happening, i got evicted from my apartment. Lost about 90-95% of my belongings.
Lost my dear rescue dog who i never got to say goodbye to, and that STINGS. To this day.
A close relative died too.
I was afraid any day was gonna be my last. I was so weak i couldn't even lift up my arms. I passed out in the chest x-ray machine.
The doctors told me that open heart surgery is the only option. Very serious shit at only age 29 at that point.
So, i made peace with death. I still cried occasionally. I had occasional panic attacks. But i "it is what it is"-ed my way out of it.
Surgery was a success, and i recovered for a month. I now have a nice good prosthetic heart valve :>
But. After getting discharged from the hospital - i was released right into the streets. Homeless.
One furry took me on their couch for a month, but i lived half from the back of my van. Recovering from fucking open heart surgery. This was the time when who i thought was my best friend decided to go gaslight-backstab-apeshit on me, and started spreading rumors, lies, and shit about me to "steal my spot" from the "fandom hierarchy", which didn't even exist.
They even took on my persona, my interests, my dialect - basically my entire "thing".
So, i was alone.
No social life.
No home.
No dog.
No money.
No property except my laptop, van, and a few knick knacks.
Bills to pay.
And a lot of unfair attacks on me for what amounted to 110% lies.
But then, a GOOD friend from the fandom said "you're NOT gonna sleep in your fucking van, get your ass here RIGHT THIS INSTANT". I'm forever in gratitude for her ; - ;
And i found an apartment soon after.
..and _THIS_ is what i call my new game +
New me, new name, new friends, new personality, no more masking. Live every day like it's your last. Never lose that spark inside.
And a few months ago, i decided to join discord. Found a very good tight-knit community by PURE LUCK. Been having the time of my life, while my local fandom explodes from the inside from the amount of burden and drama.
I found new interests. New hobbies. Widened my comfort zone and horizons.
Dated someone who i still feel like is my soulmate, but we're on a break until further notice because of life situations and personal differences.
Now it's almost august 2025, a bit over 2 years after it all. And after mogging that little runt of a motherfucker who ruined my social life, i feel like a massive boulder got lifted off my shoulders. He was a scared little kid lost in a supermarket when an actually dominant, very much deservedly pissed off coyote bumped into him at a rave. The dude didn't even have the balls to look at me. Ran away with his tail tucked between his legs.
I found a family where i feel like i belong. Where i feel wanted and accepted. And my presence is appreciated.
I have a gorgeous rescue dog.
I found druidism and spiritual stuff.
I quit drinking and changed into better, non-ritalin ADHD meds which have helped out a ton.
And being wicked and wild, untamed, living to the max feels so fucking fantastic i have no words for it.
I feel alive and good <3
Creative writing exercise o.o
Posted 2 months agoThe sun was glistening off a melting icicle, dripping its refreshing mountain snowmelt into a puddle on a tiny cave floor. The morning fog created tiny rainbows in the frigid air, creating an almost magical moment.
But, somewhere faraway, the skittering of paws, deeply primal 'life-or-death' shouting, and clinks of armor, swords, and shields could be heard. Despite hearing it only vaguely, it broke the illusion of a magical peaceful morning.
A lone, scruffy earthborn, antlered coyote hid in the cave. His neck fur adorned with deeply meaningful sacred geometric patterns. Meaningful only to him, and his tribe, and the balance of nature - but that didn't matter now
He knew he was deep enough inside the cave to hide any traces or scents of himself, but close enough to the entrance to see daylight. Even the forest gods would not spare him if he was found
He stared at the growing puddle of ice melt, every droplet reverberating an echo from the deep, dank, cave.
"Almost enough for a drink of fresh water.."
..he thought to himself. His loose hemp fiber clothing, and mossy, flower-adorned antlers were starting to get damper and damper.
His dark brown tufts of fur on the top of his triangular coyote ears had been perked up, stood in attention for a long time already. His ear muscles were starting to really ache from being in attention for the entire night..
(A few hours passes..)
His head spun back and forth, looking for any possible dangers lurking in the shiny, foggy direction of the cave entrance - trying to listen when it would be safe enough to leave to continue his ceremonies to restore balance and harmony in nature. Worst case scenario, he'd be captured as an enemy spy and executed on the spot..
The earthborn coyote sighed deeply as he heard the battle moving elsewhere or simmering down. Even taking a few tentative steps towards the clear morning rays shining from cracks in the rockwall into his small temporary refuge from the senseless bloodshed.
He knew he had an important mission to accomplish, which the blind masses of warriors in the rush of battle, in complete euphoria of war - had no idea about.
And to hell or high water, he will complete the ritual, or die trying.
The coyote stood up, cracked his back, tied his matted headfur back, and stalked out into the wild - towards the stone of elements.
But, somewhere faraway, the skittering of paws, deeply primal 'life-or-death' shouting, and clinks of armor, swords, and shields could be heard. Despite hearing it only vaguely, it broke the illusion of a magical peaceful morning.
A lone, scruffy earthborn, antlered coyote hid in the cave. His neck fur adorned with deeply meaningful sacred geometric patterns. Meaningful only to him, and his tribe, and the balance of nature - but that didn't matter now
He knew he was deep enough inside the cave to hide any traces or scents of himself, but close enough to the entrance to see daylight. Even the forest gods would not spare him if he was found
He stared at the growing puddle of ice melt, every droplet reverberating an echo from the deep, dank, cave.
"Almost enough for a drink of fresh water.."
..he thought to himself. His loose hemp fiber clothing, and mossy, flower-adorned antlers were starting to get damper and damper.
His dark brown tufts of fur on the top of his triangular coyote ears had been perked up, stood in attention for a long time already. His ear muscles were starting to really ache from being in attention for the entire night..
(A few hours passes..)
His head spun back and forth, looking for any possible dangers lurking in the shiny, foggy direction of the cave entrance - trying to listen when it would be safe enough to leave to continue his ceremonies to restore balance and harmony in nature. Worst case scenario, he'd be captured as an enemy spy and executed on the spot..
The earthborn coyote sighed deeply as he heard the battle moving elsewhere or simmering down. Even taking a few tentative steps towards the clear morning rays shining from cracks in the rockwall into his small temporary refuge from the senseless bloodshed.
He knew he had an important mission to accomplish, which the blind masses of warriors in the rush of battle, in complete euphoria of war - had no idea about.
And to hell or high water, he will complete the ritual, or die trying.
The coyote stood up, cracked his back, tied his matted headfur back, and stalked out into the wild - towards the stone of elements.
An open letter to an anonymous person:
Posted 2 months agoHeard this one song earlier, made me think of a specific person.. And i'll do it this ONLY ONCE.
Speaking my mind - for peace of mind, because don't want this to become a channel for venting. Only positive optimistic stuff here from now on.
So:
Here's an open letter to an anonymous person:
Hi.
If you happen to read this, I hope you drown in your sea of lies.
I'll enjoy watching it from the beach with my friends you tried to manipulate.
Watch me shine ✨ ..you justin bieber lookin ahh mr. "I'm gay because I don't know how females work"
You never had control of me.
You just pushed me down from a cliff instead of pulling me up.
Guessing because all those shiny new "social connections" I introduced YOU TO (out of mere pity) - were more important to you.
Ego over loyalty.
You were climbing a ladder that doesn't exist.
..rather than caring about your "best friend" who just got discharged from the hospital after nearly dying, right into ALMOST living in the back of his car - still recovering from open heart surgery.
All while losing all my belongings, my apartment, my rescue dog who i never got to say goodbye to, my social circle, EVERYTHING, while laying in the cardiological ICU - actively fighting not to fall asleep and possibly die from organ failure in the hospital.
(which you didn't wanna even visit lol, but that one time there was a drinking meetup closeby so you came to say hi just to get some "i visited" good boy points from telling people you just did so.
W and WS both came to visit, seeing me actively fighting to stay alive - maybe 2 or 3 times. Almost completely unprompted.
Even D came to drink a non alc beer with me after the surg and talk about deep life stuff. Just the two of us)
You only cared about some fandom hierarchy status shit. You let that ego rise right into your head, while spreading lies about me "being jealous"
Yeah, of course i'm gonna say "what the absolute fuck" after my so-called "best friend" says to my face: "yeah don't interact with me when we're anywhere, don't be near me, don't talk to me so "pEoplE dOnT tHinK we'Re a cOuplE"
I guess that was around the point you completely ghosted me and were actively trying to break up X and Y because you wanted in X's pants and spreading lies about how i'm scary and evil and stalking you and whatever else lol. That's what i call a backstab.
Seriously, grow the f up with your "i'll unblock you to say don't interact with me in any way anywhere" messages after i said "Hi! :3" to you while bumping into you and your shield at the rave.
You narcissists ALWAYS want, no, NEED the last word so you can feel even that tiiiiniest bit of control.
But you lost.
You don't have control.
You're exposed.
Your mask has dropped.
People see right through you.
Everyone knows about your web of lies and manipulation.
Everyone knows you're a bitch and not some skyscraper sized hyper macro micro futa mind reader mastermind.
You're a nobody who plays soap opera with people's lives, like real life is anything like your second life larping.
Maybe I should actually thank you for uniting so many of us who you screwed over.
Not to talk shit, but to completely forget your mere existence.
You don't exist anymore.
You can rot in your Nazi tank gooner cave.
Especially after your (still somehow) loyal puppy who i feel really bad for. The same who you always use as a shield - finally sees through that mask too.
The same one you told "I don't wanna date anyone, but you can be my slave"
I grew up.
You only became more immature.
*YOU'RE THIRTY YEARS OLD. ACT LIKE ONE, JESUS CHRIST.*
Despite all that, I wish you well.
I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Karmic justice is enough for me.
I don't hate you - anymore. I mostly forget you even exist, but that knife in my back left quite a scar - along with the one in the front from the open heart surgery which you didn't give a single shit about. Because taking acid, smoking weed, and drinking rum and ruining your mom's freezer with piss was more important than your "friend" dying in the hospital? Stealing my mannerisms and speaking patterns, babbling complete bs that makes whoever you're talking to like you at that current moment.
There's a lot of us who see right through that act.
And me not standing behind my principles, words, or morals?
Yeah sure. Actually, let me make it clear: I'm NOT sorry for ANYTHING. Enough of your victim complex gaslighting.
I've been pointed with a loaded firearm.
Despite that, I still stood there like a MAN with my back straight, looking at the one holding the ninemil right in their eyes and said what i thought was true and moral and right.
..not squirm and come up with whatever white panic lies like some weasel rat worm like yourself would do. I was taught snitches get stitches. Kneecaps are quite weak, and i'm still lucky to have mine.
You're SO LUCKY you were never in that life despite claiming to be some sort of master lmao.
This is my goodbye to you.
I don't wanna think about you, hear about you, but i'm ALWAYS happy to see you because you run away like a runt.
So, to sum it off:
Piss off freezer pisser.
YOU leave ME alone. You don't get to set the terms here.
Stay out of the places I'm in.
Stop spreading bullshit and lies to gain victim points and sympathy.
Grow up.
I wrote this straight from the soul.
I feel much lighter now. If this was a piece of paper, i would burn it now.
-Cosmo <3
Stay peaceful, love each other, spread happiness~
We're a family with rotten apples for sure.
But we can throw them away - at least mentally~
Which i shall do now. After this is in the digital void, you don't exist to me anymore.
Good moments don't get replaced by the bad. But with that:
Goodbye from my mind
Ja ympyrä sulkeutuuUUuUuu~
Speaking my mind - for peace of mind, because don't want this to become a channel for venting. Only positive optimistic stuff here from now on.
So:
Here's an open letter to an anonymous person:
Hi.
If you happen to read this, I hope you drown in your sea of lies.
I'll enjoy watching it from the beach with my friends you tried to manipulate.
Watch me shine ✨ ..you justin bieber lookin ahh mr. "I'm gay because I don't know how females work"
You never had control of me.
You just pushed me down from a cliff instead of pulling me up.
Guessing because all those shiny new "social connections" I introduced YOU TO (out of mere pity) - were more important to you.
Ego over loyalty.
You were climbing a ladder that doesn't exist.
..rather than caring about your "best friend" who just got discharged from the hospital after nearly dying, right into ALMOST living in the back of his car - still recovering from open heart surgery.
All while losing all my belongings, my apartment, my rescue dog who i never got to say goodbye to, my social circle, EVERYTHING, while laying in the cardiological ICU - actively fighting not to fall asleep and possibly die from organ failure in the hospital.
(which you didn't wanna even visit lol, but that one time there was a drinking meetup closeby so you came to say hi just to get some "i visited" good boy points from telling people you just did so.
W and WS both came to visit, seeing me actively fighting to stay alive - maybe 2 or 3 times. Almost completely unprompted.
Even D came to drink a non alc beer with me after the surg and talk about deep life stuff. Just the two of us)
You only cared about some fandom hierarchy status shit. You let that ego rise right into your head, while spreading lies about me "being jealous"
Yeah, of course i'm gonna say "what the absolute fuck" after my so-called "best friend" says to my face: "yeah don't interact with me when we're anywhere, don't be near me, don't talk to me so "pEoplE dOnT tHinK we'Re a cOuplE"
I guess that was around the point you completely ghosted me and were actively trying to break up X and Y because you wanted in X's pants and spreading lies about how i'm scary and evil and stalking you and whatever else lol. That's what i call a backstab.
Seriously, grow the f up with your "i'll unblock you to say don't interact with me in any way anywhere" messages after i said "Hi! :3" to you while bumping into you and your shield at the rave.
You narcissists ALWAYS want, no, NEED the last word so you can feel even that tiiiiniest bit of control.
But you lost.
You don't have control.
You're exposed.
Your mask has dropped.
People see right through you.
Everyone knows about your web of lies and manipulation.
Everyone knows you're a bitch and not some skyscraper sized hyper macro micro futa mind reader mastermind.
You're a nobody who plays soap opera with people's lives, like real life is anything like your second life larping.
Maybe I should actually thank you for uniting so many of us who you screwed over.
Not to talk shit, but to completely forget your mere existence.
You don't exist anymore.
You can rot in your Nazi tank gooner cave.
Especially after your (still somehow) loyal puppy who i feel really bad for. The same who you always use as a shield - finally sees through that mask too.
The same one you told "I don't wanna date anyone, but you can be my slave"
I grew up.
You only became more immature.
*YOU'RE THIRTY YEARS OLD. ACT LIKE ONE, JESUS CHRIST.*
Despite all that, I wish you well.
I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Karmic justice is enough for me.
I don't hate you - anymore. I mostly forget you even exist, but that knife in my back left quite a scar - along with the one in the front from the open heart surgery which you didn't give a single shit about. Because taking acid, smoking weed, and drinking rum and ruining your mom's freezer with piss was more important than your "friend" dying in the hospital? Stealing my mannerisms and speaking patterns, babbling complete bs that makes whoever you're talking to like you at that current moment.
There's a lot of us who see right through that act.
And me not standing behind my principles, words, or morals?
Yeah sure. Actually, let me make it clear: I'm NOT sorry for ANYTHING. Enough of your victim complex gaslighting.
I've been pointed with a loaded firearm.
Despite that, I still stood there like a MAN with my back straight, looking at the one holding the ninemil right in their eyes and said what i thought was true and moral and right.
..not squirm and come up with whatever white panic lies like some weasel rat worm like yourself would do. I was taught snitches get stitches. Kneecaps are quite weak, and i'm still lucky to have mine.
You're SO LUCKY you were never in that life despite claiming to be some sort of master lmao.
This is my goodbye to you.
I don't wanna think about you, hear about you, but i'm ALWAYS happy to see you because you run away like a runt.
So, to sum it off:
Piss off freezer pisser.
YOU leave ME alone. You don't get to set the terms here.
Stay out of the places I'm in.
Stop spreading bullshit and lies to gain victim points and sympathy.
Grow up.
I wrote this straight from the soul.
I feel much lighter now. If this was a piece of paper, i would burn it now.
-Cosmo <3
Stay peaceful, love each other, spread happiness~
We're a family with rotten apples for sure.
But we can throw them away - at least mentally~
Which i shall do now. After this is in the digital void, you don't exist to me anymore.
Good moments don't get replaced by the bad. But with that:
Goodbye from my mind
Ja ympyrä sulkeutuuUUuUuu~
