I am still alive and kicking folks, just been a bit inactive this past while!. Trying to get back into the swing of things and hoping to get artwork again soon!

Much love, and hugs of course, from this big fluffy CyberWoof!

Hello all!

As usual, its been a while since I have put up a journal, but as you know I am still here.

Anyway, I am looking for someone who can do some steampunky artwork for me. Any leads or links would be greatly appreciated.

Also, I must say another hello to all the new followers and favouriteers that have come along in the last few months. I hope you are all checking out the original artists for anything I have uploaded and giving them some love too.

Hope to hear from you fuzzbutts soon,

-CyberneticHellfire out

P.S. - I swear I didnt copy and paste this... >>

Hello all!

Its been a while since I have put up a journal, but as you know I am still here. Anyway, I am on the lookout for someone who can do some steampunky artwork for me and I dont know where to look if I am honest. Any leads or links would be greatly appreciated.

Also, hello to all the new followers and favouriteers that have come along in the last few months. I hope you are all checking out the original artists for anything I have uploaded.

Hope to hear from you fuzzbutts soon,

-CyberneticHellfire out

So it was my Birthday a few days ago, and I have to admit that it was rather enjoyable.

I got to spend time with some family and also with some friends I have not seen for a long time. Everything was a tad last minute, but at least we all enjoyed ourselves.

We had a nice meal in a local Indian restaurant, then we all went out to a bar and had a few drinks. It was a nice and relaxed evening/night.

So, I am another year older (24 now) and possibly another year wiser... we will see about that in the coming months :P

Wishing you all a Happy & Safe St Patricks Day to all of you from this Irish Cyberwolf!

Hope everyone who celebrates today has a good day, and even if you dont I still hope you have a good day!

I have a feeling that I am gonna need to commission a reference sheet from someone... I dont mind paying, but depending on the price, I may have to make a few installments lol. Sucks being paid minimum wage lol

Anyone know where I could get a decent and not overly expensive reference sheet?

I have recently been thinking about my fursona and how little artwork I have of him in general. I am not great at drawing, and to be honest, I cant find the time to improve on this.
What I have been wondering is if I could get some commisioned artwork from someone, but at a low price if possible.
I am currently unemployed so I cannot really paw all high prices, but at the same time, I dont want to appear like I am begging.

Anyone have any suggestions on what I could do or who I could go to?

For the 5th day in a row I have been looking online for jobs and for the 5th day in a row I have become further disappointed by the shit that employers are pulling.
You dont have a drivers licence, you cant apply for work in our office building. You have not worked before, you can work for us even though we offer training. Oh, you failed your degree even though you had great marks, sorry we dont hire people like you.
No, none of this was said to me, but all of the jobs I have looked at are excluding people who dont meet very, very specific criteria. Some of my favorite ones to see were the ENTRY LEVEL POSITIONS that somehow require 3, or 5+ years of experience.
I have looked further afield too, not just limiting myself to my home town and its glorious shittyness, I have been looking all over the country too.
What a fucking wonderful time to be looking for work. I am sick of feeling like a useless waste of space, sick of spending the majority of my time alone in my room, sick of not seeing friends and visiting people, sick of this constant weight on my back from all the debts I need to pay back... Fuck.. Nothing is straight forward anymore, you cant just walk into a business, hand over a CV, and be working the next day.
Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to just rob a bank, kill everyone inside, and leave the country for good. But hey, what would I know, I am just a useless scrap of meat with no real prospects anytime soon.

-What made you choose the species of your main fursona?
I like wolves and canines, but I also wanted some kind of machine element because I also love technology and how it can benefit the body

-Is your fursona just like you, or how you want to be?
40% like me and 60% who I want to be (Visually anyway, metal arm not included)

-Does your fursona have the same personality you have?
Yes, to some extent. He is a little more confident than I am though... and sexier lol

-Does your fursona have the same dislikes and likes as you do?
Uh... Yeah, I guess he does. I based him off myself after all.

-Does your fursona look like you at all?
No, he does not. I am no where near as muscled and defined as he is. I often wish I was though lol

-Is your fursona the same gender as you, if not why?
Yes, I am also a guy like he is.

-Do you have more than one main fursona?
Nope, I just have Hellfire and thats it.

-Do you have a back story for your fursona, if so does it have anything to do with your own history?
I do, but its a work in progress. It draws somewhat from my past, as well as my imagination. He has a story, thats all that counts.

-Is your fursona mated, if so is it to your real life significant other?
No, he is not. He is a lone wolf of sorts.

-Is there something special about your fursona that you think sets them apart from others?
He has been cyberneticly augmented in various ways, and has a nice shiny metal arm. Thats unique enough I think

-Do you have much art of your main fursona/s?
Not really, but I would love to get more done if I could afford to or if I could draw better myself.

-Would you ever consider parting with your main fursona, if so why?
No, I couldnt do that. He is a part of me that I dont want to loose and he carries a lot of memories with him.

-If you suit, do you have a suit of your main fursona?
I would love to have one of Hellfire, but sadly that will have to wait until I can afford it.

-Have you ever roleplayed with your main fursona, or do you prefer not to?
Yeah, I have and it was fun to do it too ^w^

-Do you consider your main fursona to be a part of you in any way?
Of course he is, there is a lot of crossover between myself and him.

As some people may know, I have been trying to get a job for the last 8 or 9 months. In that time I have applied for 116 different jobs in all areas of work that I am eligible for or have the skills to do. I have applied fro retail jobs, cleaning jobs, office work, receptionist work, computing jobs... So many different jobs.

Today I went to a large job fair and all I could see was recruitment agencies looking for people to join their firm. I am desperate for work, but I refuse to work for a third party company who takes a percentage out of my pay before I get it.

This is getting so frustrating, and after 9 months of trying to get a job, I have finally caved on something I swore I would not do unless it was a last resort. I have signed on to a job seekers program.

This is a big disappointment for myself as I had hoped to go without doing this, but unfortunately I need some form of income and money if I want to sustain myself. Very few of the fun things are free, and thats a sad thing if I am honest. While I am disappointed, I can also feel proud of myself for managing to last this long I guess. I just hope that something comes up sooner now that I am almost on this program.


Things can only go up from here right..?

Someone I know is looking for to do headshots for reference and practice on various species. Here is a link to the journal http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4857046/
Would be worth checking out, this is a really good artist and I am sure the outcome will be as amazing as the other work they have done.

Friend is doing a raffle so here is the link http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4696786/


Get in soon, numbers are climbing fast!

So, this is just a quick question for people.

Does anyone know of any artist who might be willing to do a free Ref Sheet for me?

I only ask because I currently cant afford to pay for one and I would like to have one for Hellfire at long last. Its a tad overdue I would say.

This is a one off thing that wont happen again, just sorta curious if there would be anyone willing/want to do it, be it for fun or just because they want the practice on something different.

Thanks for reading *hugs and cuddles*

I need cash ASAP, anyone know of any jobs that will accept me? Tried my hand at applying for lots of them but I have not been successful yet. Must pay a bit above minimum wage if possible. I am willing to work almost anywhere provided its not a call center so please let me know if anyone has any ideas.

I have had a lot to drink alcohol wise tonight and all I want right now is someone to hug and cuddle me tonight. I doubt I will ever get that to happen because I am a failure at stuff like that. Just needed to express my thoughts, ignore if you want.

I have just been going through a tough time but I am back on track again. I so apologise to everyone who has had to deal with my shit the last few weeks and months. Everything is looking up at last.

I must thank you all for your support, advice, and kind words.

-hugs for all-

I just wish everyone had friends like you lot ^_^

Recently, I have been getting more and more depressed with every single day that passes in the shitty cesspool of a country where I live. So many opportunities that I have applied for or attempted to make use of have just wound up in failure.
My family think I am gay and dont want to hear anything more on it even though I am bisexual. I have only a handful of 'friends' if you could even call some of them that. I am failing at my university course due to my depression and the fact I find everyone hostile. It is because of this that I have no job prospects and therefor no money. I have never had a relationship because people only see me as a friend and I doubt that anyone would want to spend time with a waste of space failure like me. I might be the one that helps people through the tough times, helps them feel happy when they are down, helps them with advice on relationships as an outsider... I get hardly anything in return.
I had applied to get studying in America, a fresh start if you will, however it seems my applications was never received even though I paid a substantial fee that I didn't have at the time. This was my means of escape from the stagnation that I feel is forming here, the growing fetid swamp surrounding me. Yes that running away, cowardice maybe, but its the only option I felt I had.
Everything about my life is going wrong and I feel I am losing more control of it with each passing second.
I dont know what to do any more.

Wow, the lack of response to the messages I sent out a while ago is unbelievably depressing.
I sent out a number of text messages a while ago, and not a single person responded to me. That includes Facebook, text and Skype. Not one of the people I apologized to responded to me in any way,
I know I have been an asshole to some people and I know that my attitude has been kinda shitty lately but for those who care, I have been so damned depressed lately and most nights I am crying myself to sleep. I dont care who sees this or what they think, I just need to say something because I am going mad because of my loneliness.
I know very few people care for posts like this but I just dont know what to do anymore.

People are probably going to be getting sick of my posts on here and if you are, feel free to just ignore them.

Lately I have been noticing that my mental state is fluctuating severely over the the space of a few days. One minute I can be really happy, the next I am feeling like crap and just wanting to curl up and cry.
I don't know what it is that is wrong with me, and before anyone says it, yes I do know I have depression and I do know it affects my mood from time to time. I have suffered with it before and know all the signs so please don't start quoting them back at me.
I have been struggling with this particular issue for a few weeks now and its just reaching the point where I think I need help from someone. I don't want support groups or anything like that, I don't want to be told to see my doctor and I really don't want to be told to socialize more. I only list these because I know people will suggest them and frankly, they don't work for me.
Right now all I have no idea of what I do need. If I knew then this problem would not be here would it?
I guess I am just ranting for the sake of it because I feel so damned lonely and at least here I can feel like I am talking to people. In fact, just by typing that I now realize how lonely I actually am. I have left the house to be with friends once in the last week and had fun too, something that I have not been able to have much of lately actually.
I have lost my motivation, my drive to do things, even my will to get up off my ass and I don't know why. I used to be a happy lively person but now I just feel like a husk of the man I once was. Now I think that I am actually rambling on a little too much.

I do not know if there was even a point to me typing this at all. Sorry if I have inconvenienced anyone with this, I did warn everyone.

Do you ever get one of those days where all you want to do is hug one of the people you hold dearest but there is something in the way? That something could be distance, time, schedule conflicts... anything at all really. I have that feeling today and only just realized it a few minutes ago.

There are some people I want to be close to right now who are an entire world away, and some I could call round to in a matter of minutes. These include family, friends, maybe more... but, alas, there is a long wait before I can see some of these people and I guess thats what has me down at the moment.

Anyone else feel like this?

I have been feeling less and less happy with each passing day that I my living here in Ireland. My family and the few friends I have left are the only things keeping me from leaving really.

My life has just gone to crap lately because I don't have a job, I am failing at my university course, my mental health is leaving me, I am alone far too much and I am almost constantly depressed.

I need a new start in life, somewhere or something fresh and exciting. Somewhere I can make friends and maybe even a family for myself. Somewhere I can really be myself.

I just need advice on how I can do this or just some advice in general. Someone please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

I live in Ireland if anyone needs to know that.

Was looking forwards to a night out with some friends but it seems no one is going to contact me to let me know what the plans are or if its been cancelled. I got myself ready to leave, sorted out keys and such to get home, even got a lend of some money to buy drinks but nothing seems to be happening now.

Kinda feel like shit because I was really looking forward to this tonight, not that anyone here will care. I am now a bored and sad wolfie sitting in the house alone. Oh joy! What a fantastic night this has turned out to be.

Maybe I should just go to bed and forget about everything that I had planned tonight. Throw out the psychological build up to something I felt ready to do tonight while I am at it.

Fuck it all. There is no point in me complaining at all, no one will read this and I am just ranting for the sake of it at the moment.

If anyone does read this, I am sorry and please forget I made this journal.

I WROTE THIS WHILE STILL A LITTLE DRUNK> SORRY FOLKS

Where everything goes awesome up to a point?

Happened to me today.

Today was one of the best days I have had in a long time. Pity I had to leave my friends's flat and come home at 2am due to feeling so uncomfortable. The walk was nice though, gave me a chance to stretch my legs and contemplate all that I value.

Had a fun day, had a few drinks, some food and a bit of good fun with those back in the flat. Constant calls and texts from a certain someone who could not go for a bit without company pissed me off, being locked out of the room after letting another person in to get their coat and being ignored for what felt like 30 mins by the same person just topped everything off.

I must say sorry for leaving without saying goodbye but I was afraid I was going to say/do something that I would regret. Only a certain friend will understand that.

I am one very unhappy Wolfie tonight and just needed to rant. Sorry for the inconvenience caused if anyone reads this. Hope everyone has a good night and can sleep well.

I know how much people hate journals begging for money and stuff like that so this is just asking for advice really.

I only need £2000 for it, and I have been thinking about it much more since earlier today and I would love some input. Does anyone have some ideas how I could get that much money before April 2013?

Before anyone asks, its because I want to visit some of my friends out in the US and also get to Anthrocon 2013 too.. Its been too long since I left this country (Ireland) and this seems like the best opportunity to do so.
Student loans and getting a job would help me with a good part of it but I need all of the money gathered between now and April at the latest. Getting a job is not as easy as it sounds either.

Open to all ideas except selling organs, myself, or kickstarter/grants.

All donations to the fund are very welcome too. I would hug/love/write stories anyone who could just give me the money but I know that wont happen.

Thanks for the advice if you can provide any.

---HUGS FOR ANYONE WHO READS THIS---

I have been challenged by  Seraph. I shall not back down from this challenge!

Comment on this journal and I'll...

1. Tell you something I learned about by looking at your FA page for 13 seconds
2. Tell you a colour you remind me of
3. Tell you my first memory of you
4. Ask you a question
5. Tell you something I like about you
6. Give you a nickname
7. Tell you the object that is to the left of me
8. Dare you to do this yourself in your journal


Now for the ---UPDATE--- I mentioned in the title.

I am almost finished my Second story featuring Hellfire and Vestai, the previous series I was planning has been dropped. I will submit it in the next few days if all goes to plan and I don't die or something like that. Writing has helped me recover slightly from my depression but its still there.