Yeah, I'm a daffy idiot. I post journals here and forgetting, not alot of people are watching me on FA. Those who are watching, well they dont say much anyways. =P

I'll be back in Colorado very very soon. I'm spending the summer in NY with friends and family.
I'm looking forward to returning home. I'm not having a good time. Too much drama and not enough rest and relaxation. I know, I know, thats things normally tend to happen. Dacks cant ever have a good time. =P
I do have a better appreciation for my fiends in CO and am looking forward to hanging out with all of you when I get back. =)

xoxox everyone

The Hell with this furry thing.

My birthday came and went...

I'm 31 today

I hate when people pretend to be your friend, just so they can have sex with you. Yours truly was a victim of such an act. I found some I really cared for, and I thought they cared about me as well. It turned out, they didnt care at all about me and they were just using me for sex. This is the nices why I can say this. The we they said, was much more horrable. I dont wana go into great detail about this.

To give you a better idea of whats going on. This is the last e-mail I got from this person.
This is how in depth this person was in, to keep me around.

Hay Dacks. I just wanna let you know that my taking you back home last night was not because I was fed-up or didn’t want to be with you anymore. Hardly -I already want to come over and curl up in your arms right now.

Part of the reason I wanted to drop you off is because I wasn’t feeling like my self and did not want things to start getting sour between us. The conflict with Lisa and I, being late for work and sent home, and getting pink-eye, all left me feeling really 'off' and shitty. I've realized, having Dacks with me all weekend made it far more enjoyable then what it would have been without Dacks. But I was unable to be 100% for you…with that conflict, my work, and my eye were bothering me so damn much. By last night, honestly, I just wanted to retreat back to solitude and tend to my infected eye and emotional wounds.

The other (smaller) part of the reason is because I want to be precautions of the risk of us getting sick of each other. Though I’m not yet sick of you at all, I know from experience that that is a vary real danger in all relationships for me. Especially in the state that I’m in. For me, having breaks and go do our own things separately once in a while is all it takes to avoid this danger. I hope you agree.

That’s all I have to say now. I hope it wasn’t too much and conveyed what I meant clearly, cause I sometimes have trouble doing that in person. I really did had a good time with you the weekend. You make me feel good and closeness Dacks, and I am thankful that you would want to spent time with me. Soon as my eye gets better I wanna come back up and feel your arms around me and your body close to mine. + I’m eager for another game of Magic and your hard drive is here.

I'm off Pounced again.
I've realized nothing positive has ever come out of the site for me.
Most notably the move to Poughkeepsie, NY and the trip to Kentucky.
Both a complete waist of time and resources.
Nothing I can do about them now, except to move on and learn.

NDK was awesome this year. Way better then laster. Except our room was crap. I have tons of fun and got a few phone numbers. I hope next year will be better.
Sadly I'm under the weather again. I've been Ill 3 times this summer. Which is odd, cause I rarely get sick. I guess its old age catching up with me.


See you out there...

Many things have changed in the past few months. I moved to Montbello/Aurora, CO area. I had to quit my job because of the move. Which sucks, because I was up for my second promotion and and a 15% increase in my pay, plus in 3 months I would gotten my yearly raise. I did picked a new job landscaping, so things should be a bit better. I went to my 7th Renfaire. I was sick, so I wasn't able to enjoy it, but I did buy a new mask. I've been sick twice. Which is weird, but I guess it happens when you get older. A friend of mine past away. Planning for NDK, which is in a few days. i have very hot, very seductive costume for the con. A friend of mine is helping me with my make up. Its going to be awesome. I've had a young fur take a liking to me. Its been helping me feel better about myself and how I look. Plus the hotel room number I got from the random fur at RMFC helped my self-esteem alot to. I've had alot of complements since I got back from Kentucky about my new look. I need to keep advancing my new appearance, or it will become stale and boring.
What else.... I crippled a friends truck trying to move to my new place. I'm currently paying on the damages. I'm planning my next trip back to NY. Some of my friends seem interested in going with me. I love taking my friends from CO back to my home town. Its so much fun traveling with friends and showing off my friends in NY and my home. I wish I can get my friends from NY to come visit me here. I'm in Halloween mode. I love Halloween so much. I do have to find a place big enough to though my 3rd annual Halloween Party. Hopefully a place with a hot tub. I'm such theres more things coming up soon.


See you out there......

I was invited to a comedy club in down town Denver last by my friend Cross. The plan was to meet people at the club and make an outing of it. No one else showed up except Cross and I. So we spent the evening watching comedians and having a wonderful time. He drove me home and we spent most of the night taking. We both realize that out outing was more date like. So we decided thats what it was, since we both had a great time together. We have plans on doing more things together. I'm looking forward to what ever we do.

Few months ago I got this dreadful feeling that something horrible and tragic was going to take place this September. I havent been able to shake the feeling. I dont know what will happen. When Kaylie passed, I thought that might have been what I have been dreading. I figured, I just got the month wrong. A few days ago, I got that dread feeling again. More strongly this time. I fear lives will be loss. I think my life will be one of those. I've been having some vivid dreams about my own death. In anycase, I hope I'm wrong, but I havent wrong about these feelings before. I have never felt dread like this, its so strong that at times its put me in to a haze or confused state.

Plus I havent been feeling well since I got sick mid July. I've been having troubles ketching my breath and coughing alot. Even my voise is a little off. I did lose my voise during my illness.

Anyways, I hope I'm wrong about my feeling.

I didnt actually attend the furcon here, but I did show up twice to pick up Andrew and Kezz. Even though I didnt attend, I did get invite to a random furs room with in 2 minutes of me showing up at 2 am Sunday morning. He was really attractive fur to, then I got a phone number when I went back later that day. While waiting for kezz to check out of his hotel room.

I'm very sick. I've lose my voice even. However, it did not stop me from going to the RenFaire today with Jani and Andrew. Of course if I wasnt sick. I would have had a great time. I bought myself a new mask which I will be posting a pick of and pewter dragon light switch cover. It was fun regardless going.

Today is my final day of work, Then I'm off to Kentucky for two weeks. I am so nervous and excited to start this new chapter of my life. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpXwPdJIOJY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4

Thanks to some one I talked to last night. I realize there are 3 phrases I don't use very often. To Bad, Oh Well, and Shit happens. We all have problems, and most of us can deal.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxm_WYZZ9Ho for some one special

I guess it thats time of the year to filter people. Since 2000, I've been going through my friends list and weeding those I have no contact with or never see. So far I manage to filter one today. I'm not afraid to filter anymore.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fxk.....1&index=23

Its a beautiful, sunny, cool day here in CO. I've been going outside here and there to enjoy the nice weather. Might see if I can fix the bike and hit one of the bike trails. I need to get some excursive and I need to clear my head about.

I'm having a lost and confused moment. Too many directions have been presented to me. I'm not sure which path to take my life on.

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained