Feeling kinda like blah today. That's what gets me journaling eh? I'm in my 2nd year of vet tech and I planning to graduate in May. I got my first bottle kitten; I've had him for two nights, tonight is night 3, I want to sleep. Organizing art commissions and everything into folders. Hey, did you guys know that FA has folders now? xD

Errrgggh! I haven't had a period in 3 years and if memory served me, I think these are cramps. BC got removed a few weeks ago. I'm back to my regularly scheduled fertile dragon! Strange how much BC flattened my mood.

Days staying:
Saturday through Monday

Staying at:
Home

How are you traveling?
Car

Who are you rooming with?
Zeta @ home, lol

Who will you be with?
Makyo, Zeta, other peeps with a LobitaWorks suit, Zanz, Anjel.

Where will you be?
Volunteer GoFur in the AM, panels, dancing, LobitaWorks furshoot 9pm Saturday

How is the best way to find you?
DakotaSpazz telegram and twitter

What do you look like?
I'm one of the only axolotl suits.

What is your gender?
Girl, mostly

How old are you?
30!

Are you mated/in a relationship?
I have a mate, but hugs are still welcome

Can I talk to you?
Yes, Please

Can I hug and/or snuggle you?
Ask first, but usually yes.

Are you nice?
I'm loud and blunt, but yes I am kind.

Are you cliquey?
Whats dat?

Are you fursuiting?
Yes, hoping to spend TONS of time in suit this year.

Which suit(s) will you be bringing?
Dr Helix- Axolotl and maybe my unnamed Pangolin

Can I try on your suit?
If I know you.

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
DAKOTA! AXOLOTL! THAT THING! MUDKIP! xD

Do you take commissions?
No, I can do free not the best art.

Dealers den?
I love shopping!

Can I draw in your sketchbook?
Yes.

Can we hang out?
Yes.

Where will you be eating?
Pita Pit and Tandori for sure. Wouldn't mind trying a few new places too.

Can I take your picture?
Yes, please link it to me DakotaSpazz

Attending any events?
The Fursuit Parade. LobitaWorks Furshoot 9pm Sat.

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
Really trying to build a connection with friends. More suiting.

Down to only 200 Watches. The End Is Near!

=====




Slowly clearing out my watches to move on to other things. I'll post my shit when I have my other profiles up and running.

FYI:

FA Exodus Helper
http://exodushelper.com/

Our backyard is tiny! It's so cute and tiny, I'm going to "build" a Hobbiton with turned over clay pots!

1. Finish picking up old mulch
2. Get a hand tiller stick and stir in some compost. Maybe find earthworms from the nursery.
3. Wait for soil to be happy. (NNUUUU WAITING! ;__;)
4. Get terra cotta pots and face bottom out. Glue on adorable knobs.
5. Plant low growing, not grass stuff... thinking about Elfin Thyme
6. Plant Sage, Lavender, and tiny succulents
7. ....
8. PROFIT


Concept/References: https://twitter.com/dakotaspazz/sta.....42380242251776

Lot of fun things planned this month. Got to wait until later/September before getting started! SO EXCITE!

WHere the fuck did the "Select all" Button go? :(

Hi Everybody!

Here's whats up:

*I moved to California a few days after Christmas
*I started an Animal Care Internship at the zoo a few days after New Years
*I had anxiety daily during the internship
*I started seeing a therapist
*I finished the internship, but not as strongly as I had hoped
*I told my mom that my "boyfriend Mark" is actually my girlfriend Zeta.
*Mom sees my relationship as "psychologically damaging" to me
*Mom is helping pay for my therapy
*Mac diagnosed with Feline Corona Virus
*Did Taxes!
*Tax return will probably go toward therapy
*Currently scheduling telephone job interviews

Gah! That's a lot of stuff! Hoping things get easier soon. I'm feeling alright. Just thought I'd give you all and update.

Hey.

For anyone actually reading this.

I miss you. ;___;

________________________________

Life is starting to work again. With all that tearing down all your belongings and feeling homeless for 2 weeks. Things are started to feel normal. New normal, but that's good. Zeta is at a business dinner tonight, her cat, Suki, had to remind me to feed her (and then continued to complain that Zeta isn't home.) Which means Suki trusts me! Yay, I am worthy of itty bitty kitty's company. So precious.

Yeah, the dust is finally starting to settle. The boxes are beginning to dwindle. We still have 6 10"-12" skillets that don't fit anywhere. I started my internship last week. Slowly, beginning to feel comfortable there. I have Zeta and 'The Crew,' but man oh man does it hurt sometimes. I can feel the Con Excitement building, but I only know a few furs/friends out here. Just feeling a tad lonely, and isolated. REALLY hoping Further Confusion can introduce me to new (hopefully, local) friends. :S

*The Crew: My 3 Companions (AKA "We must sleep on you!") Ripley, Sandra, and Mac. For the sentence above I included Suki, too. :D

When?
I'll be attending Saturday Night and All day Sunday!

Suiting?
Yes, but haven't decided when. Best to catch me on twitter DakotaSpazz

Interaction?
Yes please. Hugs are great! I love talking too!

Where?
I will, hopefully, only be in the Dealer's Den briefly to grab Rukis' Off The Beathen Path. Otherwise, dances, and panels, and scoping out local SFBay furs.

The day has finally come to turn in my modem and cancel my internet service. Zeta and I are leaving Saturday and arriving in Fremont on Sunday. No idea when interwebs will be back, most likely with in the week (I hope to at least get the next modem up and running before the next holiday!)

Until then we both will be stuck with free wifi when we can find it, or using data on our phones.

Adieu <3

WHHAAAAA! I wanna get outta here, but I don't wanna go! >__<;

1. I am excited and stoked to start this new adventure and opportunity.
2. I hate packing.
3. I must pack and try to find spare time to say good bye to people. Jo, Steve, Kristin, DOPR. I have no time! I don't wanna go yet!
4. We will be back to visit! Many, many times!
5. Are we there yet?!

Still no dates yet. The lease starts the 15th of this month. The pets and I will be leaving between Christmas and New Years. I don't even know. GAAAHHH

Pack. Clean. Pack. Clean. Pack. Clean. Donate. Trash. When's the POD getting here? o____O;;

Just a few more interviews and a little more waiting.

Soon and I will be moving on from Arizona.

Gosh, I can't wait!

My foster kittens I've had all summer finally got neutered! More importantly, they finally calmed down. I set up Ripley's crate as a Kitten Recovery Area and all they wanted to do was escape and claw my carpet. -__- They spent a few more hours confined to their plastic cat carrier. Now they're back in Kitten Recovery Area with a sheet over them. Such Feisty Guys. This weekend I'll be transporting them to Flagstaff where the Ark Cat Sanctuary can hopefully get them a home together!

I'm sad to see these guys go though. They are so sweet! D: Oh well, on to my other chores.

After a couple of years of thinking, thinking, and THINKING! I finally got the Nexplanon implant for birth control. Thanks Obama! for the discount on a health insurance plan that finally covered the procedure! You can Youtube the procedure; it's a huge ass needle contraption with a 1.5" flexible rod that gets inserted under the skin. The local was the most uncomfortable part and not even that bad really. I got some nice looking bruises showing up. I might post pictures after I take the bandage off tomorrow.

Seriously guys. This is like Christmas! I'm so stoked! :-}

If you've been following my blog for years and years, you'll know that I usually map out my Halloween Costume around August. Guess what? It's August!

I learned today that costumes are allowed at work! I wanted do something furry, but masks aren't allowed. I decided I'm going to be a lab rat! xD

Materials Needed:
Ears
Headband
Safety Glasses
Cheap White Mouse Nose/ OR Face paint
Gloves
Scrap White fur
Fake nails
Pink 2mm fur from Mendels
Stuffing
White Shoes
Foam toes from DVC

**The people who hurt me weren't furries. Please don't make assumptions, if you have questions you can note me. Debates will be removed

I wrote the previous blog on Monday night and posted it to my SoFurry where a grand total of two people read it. I've been blogging for about 10 years now. It's a need for me. Maybe its a cry of attention. Maybe I just need to remember important things that happened. Mostly, it's just for me.

I'm going to try and divulge some of my emtional side here, but I'm feeling nauseous and headachey about it. So we'll see how many times I have to edit this!

About two years ago I was raped. Soon, after that I just deleted the memory. "I was coerced." "I just regret it." And any other word, except 'raped.' No, I'm Dakota! I'm loud, and proud, and I stand up when I have a problem with something. But I didn't. Of course then entire time I'm off in my own little world, "I could just leave, couldn't I? I could just put on my clothes and quit." And I didn't. That's where most of my agony seems to be. I didn't quit, I was just there, between two people going through motions that... didn't really matter. She left after she failed to talk me in to relaxing, failed to make me cum. (Thank god, I didn't) But he and I stayed at his place. Again, I don't know why. The next morning he wanted to put a finger in my ass, okay I said. Then held me there, with a hand on the small of my back. But, I'm a wiggler. He didn't let me wiggle. Okay, so I had a bad night, with mediocre sex. The same line keeps running through my head. "What ever happens tonight, just let it happen."

Okay now that thats out of the way, Im feeling a little bit better. (Still not sure about posting something that explicit)

Why is this an issue today? Because when you finally admit to yourself that something tramatic happened to you, its hard, and it hurts. It's not the single most historic event that my life is revolving around, but finally accepting it, makes me feel a little bit more whole and a little more at peace.

Sunday night in the bathroom when my entire psyche was spilling onto the floor. Zeta was there to... not really help, but protect me in some sense, while I put the pieces back together again. I love you, Zeta.

It's because I love you, that I've had to accept myself. I want to love you with my whole self. Good. Bad. And Damaged.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brow.....hame#t-1090047
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brow.....ility#t-954708
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

Saturday, I finished reading The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. I knew it was going to hurt. It was a "I'm going to finish this book and have Post Book Depression later! Let's Go!" I finished it, my eyes got wet, but I didn't cry. It has been a long time since I read a book that I cared about; since I read a book that moved me. Essentially, it's about Hazel Grace, who I'm going to say. . . thinks she's damaged. The only thing else I can say with out spoiling it is to share a piece from the back cover: ". . .funny, thrilling, and tragic business of being alive and in love. "

After finishing the book I spend the next couple hours bemoaning its end, which mostly includes burying myself in the bed covers hating the light of day.(Hey, I have Sunday AND Monday off to do chores, right now I can spend time to recover from PBD) Zeta shows up around noon to snuggle, I mean lunch, we go to lunch. Between a mixture of working 6 days in a row, staying up until 230am, and TFIOS/PBD* I got all upset at Zeta for no reason.(Sorry, honey!) After work, Zeta and I head up to north Phoenix for sushi. I have a like sake with dinner and feel like myself again(while admitting I shouldn't need alcohol to relax!).

When we leave Sushi Station I see some huge lighting in the distance. Not huge like huge as in 'on top of us,' but huge as in 'it lit up the entire storm cell.' Not distance like really far away, but distance as in 'we can still catch that!' After making completely sure Zeta wanted to drive into drive into Who-Knows-Where, we're off! God, driving out there was the best part. We were surrounded on 3 sides by lighting. It was so beautiful. We ended up in a Walgreens parking lot on Pinnacle Peak and Pima St. Of course, I'm Spazzy and Scared, because my grown-up excitement about monsoons was at war with my childhood fear of thunder and lighting. The blowing dust and sparse fat drops of rain warned of the encroaching storm. We sheltered the car next to the building and waited. It was on us in seconds. And it was large! At the worst of it we had hail, lighting strikes within some distance, two parking lot lights go out, and Walgreens lost power for a few seconds. It was terrifying and exhilarating! The only reason I wasn't in tears is because I was with Zeta. The heavy rain and thunder lasted for maybe an hour. When the rain died to a drizzle and the thunder left us with a lighting show, I was pretty AMP'd. We listened to some music in the drizzle, before we decided to move on.

Sunday morning was a challenge. I hit a emotional brick wall, hard. I don't want to go into a lot of details, but I admitted to myself that I was raped in the past. Soon after, still emtionaly wrecked, I went to see The Fault In Our Stars. Mostly because I had somethings I couldn't tell Zeta, because John Green took my words.

Sunday night. . . was like thunderstorms when I was a kid. I thought I was having a panic attack, but I has having something close to a LabCorp breakdown. I ended up telling Zeta about the whole situation leading up to and after I was raped. It was like a cancer, I had to get it out of me. She had to know I was damaged.

She. . she listened. She didn't interrupt. She didn't point out the bad decisions I'd made. She. . . just accepted me.

Remember, how I said The Fault In Our Stars is about a girl who thinks she's damaged?

I'm going to school this fall! Which means I'm saving as much money as I can. Expect me at IHOP every other Saturday. I'll have paracord bracelets for sale and commission for $5 each. And I'll be at Zzeek's pizza every Friday night.

I'm a dragon now! I made my wolf 10 years ago, when I first joined the fandom. I was shy and deeply depressed at that time, I need to let go and fly! I'll still have art of her and she'll still be around, but I want to try to be a better me! A dragon me!

Still trying to lose weight. I'm certainly eating better anyway. The monsoons have made it cooler, so Ripley and I try to walk at least a mile everyday. Currently, I'm at 184lbs. I'll try for another weight loss update in August.

Fuck! July is half over ?!

I have Dark Rainbow Dash(black/dark rainbow), Rainbow Dash(blue/rainbow), and Derpy! (grey/yellow.) I'm sizing these guys at 6", 8", and a crazy 10"

5$ any size, any color!

Tomorrow I'll be at Zzeek's Pizza in Ahwatukee, Tucson this weekend, and should make it to Ihop on 6/21.

Tell your friends!

If you heard about the armed robbery in Tempe. I'm letting you know I am safe. Looking at the helicopter videos, it looks like the incident was in the fancy-pants apartments right behind me. Zeta left for work this morning and had to be escorted off the premisses, swat team was all over the place, and a helicopter over head.

There was a woman playing video games online with a webcam at about 4 or 5 am when she was robbed. Online gamers watching the video saw it happen and called the Tempe Police AS IT WAS HAPPENING. They caught one guy, and the 2nd is outstanding.

I've been lying low, and I am safe.

All motivation would be great!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5714620/

I've had a few new watchers these last few days. Thank you, but then I'm not so sure. If you're watching 23,000 other furries, why watch me? I IS NOT POKEMON! DO NOT CATCH ALL THE FURRIES. Unless you're interesting or say hi, I probably won't watch you back. Not Sorry.

Uhg. I didn't think it would come to this. I hate having an FA, Weasyl, and SoFurry. ~creates a giant bell jar and captures all her artists~ "Now stay put!"

If Dakota has a penis, it cums Nutella!

Working on a playlist:

Defying Gravity: Original Broadway Cast
Part of Your World: The Little Mermaid
Beautiful: Christina Aguilera
I Won't Say (I'm In Love): Hercules
Reflection: Mulan
Colors of the Wind: Pocahontas
Just Around the River Bend: Pocahontas
Let It Go: Frozen
I Turn To You: Christina Aguilera
There's a Fine, Fine Line: Aveune Q