The payroll lady has been on vacation and doesn't get back until Monday. Jake and I haven't had food since day before yesterday because we had to put all of our money in the gas tank.

Im so damn stressed right now I don't even know what to do with myself.

I know it's only 1 more day, but we don't have food, our animals don't have food.

We rely on this paycheck for more than just rent, and i don't even know when I'm going to get it.

So ontop of that one bill being late/due and the possibility of getting sied over it is real, I find out today that my paycheck was direct deposited into a closed bank account.

I have rent due, we don't have food, i have to pay insurance.

I'm about in tears.

And my payroll lady won't answer her phone!

I called the bank and they said it will bounce back to payroll in 3 days, but may take a week or more to be sent to the right account!

Omg.

I'm honestly about to do all of my commissions and open up a bunch of spots. I have some pretty big bills coming up that I HAVE to pay or I could be sued.

That is what's happening with this particular bill. It's actually like $85.48 but I'm rounding down to $85.

I would be willing to do a 2 character piece of my highest quality commission that I offer.

It will be done at the end of my queue (which i am working on today and will be working on tonight at work) if you are interested please send me a note.

I need this paid like ASAP or I am at risk of being sued over it 😰

So it started yesterday morning, or rather a month ago when I made a new bank account with a -will not be named- online bank, I had sent in a request through their services to have my direct deposit done through them so I could shut down my other-will not be named- online bank account because that one had been doing some weird things with my money.

My last paycheck went by and it was submitted to the -bad- bank account again, i contacted payroll and they were like "we didn't get a direct deposit for that bank?" So i called that bank

I sat on hold for an hour.

They said it was a mix up on their end and to expedite the process they would email me the dorect deposit slip to send to payroll myself. Said they sent it right then.

I stayed up and waited for hours. No email.

I finally gave up and went to bed, told Jake, if I don't have the email by tonight I'm saying fuck it with all of these online banks, im opening a real bank account with a local branch and I'm deleting all of these stupid accounts.

Again, no email.

So the next day I applied for a bank at a local branch, they said it was $5 to open an account. I didn't really have $5 to spare but I can't have my money messed with anymore.

I got a call from that bank today, because of some past bank issues I didn't qualify for the $5 account. I told them no worries but it will have to wait till payday.

Went to check the mail, disappointed, only to find that my credit card had finally came in the mail.

Called them back, did the bank stuff, opened my account, drove down to the branch and they had my new debit card there waiting for me.

Easy. No waiting. Nothing.

-sigh of relief-

I was so excited to have the account open that I forgot about the direct deposit stuff. Woops.

It's too late to change it for this paycheck, but I'm gunna stop in there on my next days off and get the direct deposit stuff sorted so I can finally be done with these stupid online banks messing around with my money

I also stopped and got myself a yummy flavored tea because why not?

It actually turned out to be a good day but by the time I was done I was overstimulated and just exhausted from... pretty normal adulting so I relaxed a bit before cleaning the kitchen.


Jake made Alfredo though so yummy dinner to top off a pretty good day

Maybe someone would want an icon for $20?

I really need like $20-$25 so i can get something to make a meal for us for the next couple of nights that we are home

It will be artistic freedom.

You might end up with a full body, a half body, a soft shade, a cell shaded. You will get a full background regardless

Shoot me a note if you are interested in claiming this spot

Ugh. I feel like crap.

Can't even afford Gatorade and soup.

This is stupid.

I'm going back to sleep 😴

I can't believe this happened again! It was for another adult piece so I can't even dispute it, and it sucked the last little bit of money out of my account and then overdrew me 😭

Why do people keep doing this?!

I am desperately trying to turn my life around. I am over 300 lbs, I spent a year in a wheelchair, I am riddled with mental and physical health conditions. I worry if something doesn't change I won't last long.

So I am starting to exercise.

Problem is I have been working out in PJs because I have no work out clothes. And I don't have a water bottle, which really sucks. I have t shirts and a single sports bra, that should last me... whatever you know? I can wash it and use it if I don't have money to buy a new one, but i really need pants and a water bottle.

It would be REALLY awesome to get some earbuds so I can listen to music while I work out, but I know that probably won't happen for a while.

I'm thinking like $25 would probably cover a pair of walmart yoga pants and a cheapo water bottle?

I know i know i just said things were looking up, however all of our paycheck went to bills and we don't have anything left over for dog and cat food.

To get a big bag of each of the cheapish stuff it's about $25 each, which would feed them for the next few weeks. These monsters eat a lot 😭 i usually get wet cat food for the cats because cats need moisture in the diet, they don't get enough simply by drinking and can get UTIs and such from dehydration due to not having enough fluids.

Ugh. I hate being broke. I know I say that a lot.

I love my animals though and I really want to be able to provide for them

Things are finally looking up guys!

So our paychecks are still going towards catching up on bills, we are still broke

HOWEVER

Jake just had his A1C tested. It was originally at 11, it is now at 5.6

He has lost 70 lbs as well!

Woo for Jake!

We signed up for a gym membership (first month was $1)

I worked an 11 hour shift the night before last, and yesterday morning when we got off work we went to the gym and walked on the treadmills.

I walked 1 mile in 22 minutes

This might not seem like a lot, but remember, less than 8 months ago I was in a wheelchair, so it's kinda a big deal for me!

I got approved for a credit card, though I won't be using it except for emergencies because I will be ontop of paying it off every month, as I am trying to build my credit right now.

Unfortunately the credit card requires $100 to activate it and I don't have the money for that right now, so that will have to wait. But the fact that I was approved is awesome.

We are starting to get some of our stuff back from the pawn shop, I got my computer back yesterday so I will be able to start doing commissions, probably tomorrow night, which is exciting!

AND finally, I have been speaking with my new therapist and Jake and I am gunna start working towards going back to college!

I want to go to college to be a social worker so I can become a therapist, I think that would be a really rewarding job.

I will be doing a mental health assessment in February which will help with accommodations if I need them, then after that I will be speaking with a organization through my mental health clinic that helps with schooling, and I will hopefully be going back in spring or next fall 😁

Exciting stuff!

I started playing again because the individuals that I support at work play, and it's something they like to play with me at night while I am there.

I am seriously lacking in cool clothes, furniture, and I would love to get the fruit trees that I don't already have so I can share with them (I have oranges, cherries, apples, and peaches)

If you play let me know!

Gunna try really hard to not fling this one all over the livingroom like the last one 🤣

Returned pop cans so we could afford a $5 frozen pizza and as I was carrying it out to the livingroom for Jake and I to eat i dropped 2/3 of it of the floor 😭

Needless to say there was a lot of yelling and cussing.

We shared the last 3 pieces of pizza.

I'm just so... ugh.

Why am I so clumsy

I will be pawning my laptop today so I can afford food.

I will be getting it back soon, in the next few weeks, but for now we are doing what we have to do to survive.

I do have a nice tablet that has a different program on it than I usually use (I use SAI 2 on my laptop, my tablet has Clip Studio Paint)

I am willing to do your commissions on my tablet until I get my laptop back, but I am not as familiar with clip studio paint so I will be exploring the program a bit as I do your commissions.

If you are OK with this, let me know, if you would rather wait for me to get my laptop back and use the program I am familiar with, let me know and I will do that for you instead

Got a charge back on paypal for a commission that was already finished. Tried messaging the person and I was blocked. Awesome. Now my paypal is overdrawn by $80 🥴

I have 2 cents in my bank account right now, I think I found 2 quarters in my pocket yesterday after work.

Like... I have nothing. This is exhausting and really frustrating.

I'm probably gunna have to pawn my laptop just so we can eat for the week because we have nothing and no food at home.

It's so hard working so hard and having nothing to show for it.

And I get it, like we are so broke because we are still catching up on bills and stuff from when I couldn't work and it was just Jake trying to support us.

I have been working overtime, 5-6 days a week 10-14 hour days.

We are hoping we will be caught up on our bills by the 1st of the year, then we will be able to begin saving money and actually afford to take care of ourselves.

I'm sick right now, have a horrible cold, no energy, bad cough, throat hurts, sinuses are all burning and messed up, and I still came into work for a 10 hour shift tonight. I will be working 2 more nights after tonight, before I get any days off.

I'm just so frustrated about that charge back though, I did the art, sent it to them, they were happy with it, then months later the money is sucked back out of my paypal.

I don't even know when I will be able to afford to get my paypal back to a positive balance. $80 is a lot of money for us right now.

Ugh.

We have no money and I don't get paid till Friday, and even then my whole check goes to rent. I am so stressed.

I feel like I'm working my butt off and have nothing to show for it.

I can't even buy food right now. I just went out to the kitchen to grab breakfast because I was starving, hadn't eaten all day yesterday.

We had 4 chicken fingers in the freezer. That is it.

We don't have money for food, gas nothing.

Anyways, I'm working on commissions today, sorry I haven't gotten them done as quickly as usual. My friday was a 15 hour day

It's been a long few days.

I had a stomach bug for most of the week, even had to work while I was sick, I was just miserable. I didn't have any money to get anything to help.

I finally started feeling better yesterday. Which is good because I had a appointment with the dermatologist.

I have a skin condition that I was diagnosed with when I was abou 23 or so, like 12 years ago, and back then it was just beginning and I was at stage 1.

So I have been having to go to the ER a lot due to this skin condition, so I set up the appointment to see the dermatologist to see if anything can be done to help (I was told back when I was diagnosed that there was nothing that could be done, but last time I went to the ER I was told things have changed and they have medication now)

So he took a look and said I am at stage 2 now, which sucks, means it is getting worse. But he put me on a long term antibiotic to help, and if that doesn't do anything then we will be taking more aggressive action (a weekly injection) but the injection is known to cause cancer in some patients so he wants to try safer methods first.

He also gave me a cream because I was covered in a super itchy rash 🥴 luckily that is feeling better today though.

So I went to work last night, it was a super busy day at work because we are preparing for a new resident to move in, lots of cleaning and such, I'm excited to meet them though.

I just love my job.

Anyways we have a all staff meeting after work today. 10 hour work day, then off to a 2 hour meeting. I was having troubles find a ride to the meeting, my boss exhausted all possible options and couldn't find me a ride.

Reluctantly Jake told me he would just drive me, he got paid today so we have some money for gas and stuff.

He surprised me this morning with my favorite coffee from Dutch bros, because I was so sleepy at work.

I have been having problems eating and such due to medications making me nauseous, but he gave me his last nausea pill while we wait for my prescription of them to be filled, then bought me this coffee 🥹

Just the little efforts he makes, it's just so amazing. After the last relationship I was in, where I was being abused, put down, gaslit, yelled at, ect. Being with someone like Jake who genuinely cares about me is just simply amazing.

I couldn't be happier.

My mom called me last week nearly in tears because she just wanted a hug from me. I managed to meet up with her before work that night and she gave me a bunch of big hugs before going home.

I didn't know she was sick 😐 I don't think she even knew she was sick at the time.

So I haven't been able to keep food down for over a week, I have been feeling super weak with chills. Just absolutely horrible.

I have been having to push through and work anyways. We need the money. Literally every penny I had from my last check went to bills, and we have nothing right now. We have no food, I would love to get some soup, we don't have anything to help me feel better like dayquil or anything, and literally not a freaking penny to our name.

I'm not able to take on more commissions because I already have 4 in my queue, and I'm afraid to take on more and get overwhelmed, not to mention my wait times have gotten a lot longer since I have been working full time.

I'm just so stressed, I don't feel good, and I don't know what to do about any of this. We don't even have gas money to get to work this week.

Like seriously, why does it have to be so hard? Working this hard and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I'm feeling so depressed.

And dang what a week it has been!

Jake has been sick and out of work all week.

I have been in pain and having severe insomnia all week.

Had seizures.

Finally got sleep yesterday and made it through my last night of the week.

I am so ready for some relaxation!

Gunna work on commissions over my weekend cause I was completely useless all week!

Jake was really really sick all day yesterday. He was throwing up all day and then some blood appeared we rushed him into the ER.

Luckily it was nothing serious, but I only got a couple hours of sleep yesterday. I ended up coming in to work a few hours late because I was at the hospital with him. Luckily my boss covered me for a few hours.

When I showed up at work I was super tired, hungry, just totally out of it. My boss gave me an energy drink and something to eat. I have been sitting at work all night fighting falling asleep.

I still have 2 more hours, then I have to drive myself home 😭

I just wanna go to bed but I'm nervous about the drive home because I can barely keep my eyes open now, I dunno how I'm gunna feel 2 hours from now.

I'm gunna try to stop and get a coffee on the way home, maybe that will help.

I'm willing to do commissions, I van do that thing, you know, you send $30 and a ref and I draw your character however I want, could be half body, full body, cell shaded, full color, background, ect. Just however I feel like drawing them.

Jake and my 2nd anniversary is tomorrow and I would like to at least be able to do dinner together. We both have to work that day but it would be nice to do something together before work at least

I dunno, it's worth a try.

Paypal: deannamentzer[at]gmail.com

If you are looking to keep in touch, see SFW art that I am doing, see life updates, just random stuff, I am opening up my personal Facebook for people to add to their friends.

I post on there a lot. Random stuff from life, art, memes, ect.

If you are interested my profile is here:
https://www.facebook.com/deazealive.....ibextid=ZbWKwL

I take a medication called Strattera for my ADHD and anxiety, it's not the only med that I take but one of them, and I get horrible withdrawals if I don't take it.

I noticed on Friday that I only had 3 left, so I figured that would get me through the weekend then on Monday I would call the pharmacy and refill it in time to take it again Monday night.

I forgot that Monday was a holiday.

My pharmacy was closed and so was my Dr office so there was nothing I could do.

I missed my dose Monday night, which made me horribly sick within hours of missing it. I called the pharmacy at 9bam to refill it and they told me there was no more refills, they had faxed my Dr, and it could take 3-4 days to refill.

I panicked and called my Dr. They sent in the prescription at about 11:30 am, I was able to pick it up and take it at 1 pm. But I was SO sick by that point.

I slept all day to try to just get through it, it is 3 am now and I'm just starting to feel better