Still alive. Yea, me.

... you got to deflate him to make him spray.

I can't be called a furry.
A lot of the local furries in the past said I wasn't a furry.

I can't be called a friend.
I can't keep a conversation going and I take forever to answer my messages. I rather procrastinate and being toxic to strangers in online games.

I can't be called a human. I often rationalize too much and other humans gave quite the hell in my teen years and beyond. Deeply inside of me, I despise the society. And if the humanity ever cease to exist I might just laugh my ass off to oblivion.

Feel free to call me whatever you want. Remember that names and categories you apply to people are merely just tags helping you to regroup them into your definition of the said tag. I know who I am, I don't the society approval to define myself.

Not much of a journal, is it, eh? Talking to you guys is such a chore. I probably hate talking to people. It never really comes naturally to me. I always have to carefully weight my words so I don't hurt your feelings and mines afterward. I might just gave up on being social and embrace my sociopath side. You may say I an attention seeker. Whatever. I just wanted to at least explain to you..errr... I hate when people don't explain to me their train of thoughts, so it's probably the least I could do.

When I was kid, I had to see a speech tutor. Apparently, my words came out too fast and all wrong out of my mouth. Now, they come too slow and all wrong. It's probably one reason why I stopped chatting online. My mind keep looping the words and sentences in my mind indefinitely before writing them down, burning so much energy to explain such simple things to people that are not in my mind. It is frustrating. It is like this most of the time.

Sigh.

What now? Another YET break from "furry" social media for a couple of month. People tend to be SO polarized about so many topics these days. I like to stand on the fence. To play the devil's advocate once in a while.

I got my physical and mental health to focus on. Sedentarity and loneliness are slow but effective killers... and I have been living with these killers for quite too many years already. I want to die of old age in my sleep, in a car crash, in an explosion or with a bullet in my head, not sitting in a wheelchair, drooling, a full diaper and all senile.

Here are my beliefs:
- There is no magic
- There is no soul
- There is no karma
- There is no hell
- There is no heaven
- There is no god
- There is no life after death

Only humans, matter and void. Humans are the only gods, masters of their own destiny and end.

Bye. See you later when I can finally grow a spine and fully assume my position.

See you in 2021 or whatever. Bye. :)

Happy New Year to everyone! ^'===='^

Sorry, I'll try to be more active in 2020. I will think about it... but I will try. Agh! XE

And about the FA layout... I welcome any effort put into the website, but... Increasing the the font size and make everything bigger so it can be Touch Screen friendly isn't always working well for everyone. Seems like a waste of space IMO. Can't they just design a Mobile version and a Desktop version SEPARATELY ???

So far, it feels like a beta. For example:
- The banner looks all blurry and SEVERELY cropped. (On my 3440x1440 display.)
- The SEARCH box looks oddly THICK compared to "Browse", "Upload" and "Support". Also, the font size IN the SEARCH box is smaller compared to them.
- The DOWNLOAD feature doesn't open the image file anymore. I have HUNDREDS of tabs with opened IMAGES this way. Now, if I want the picture MAXIMIZED to the browser window, it is some Javascript image popping up above the page. If I open HUNDREDS of submissions like this, my browser resources will skyrocket through the roof!

I got a feeling they never beta tested it. Heck, perhaps WE are doing the Alpha test right now.

FurAffinity.net staff, please keep the old layout for the Desktop version, and do whatever you want for the mobile version. If you design a mobile version, it will serve as a base for the "Official" app as well. :E

Greatings, inflatable friends, balloonies and the rest. Summer is officially over. It went too fast as usual. Time to pack the pool toys!? NYUUUUH!!!

Should we gather all pool toys and balloons and have a "End of Summer Pop Fest" commission together? We would need non-balloonies volunteers who would have fun puncturing all the toys and balloons, obviously.

I have no idea for artist to ask about it. I gave up a long time ago. Finding available artists that can draw rubbery creatures is already hard as it is, but to find artists who are willing to get their hands dirty into the controversy of popping business is plain harder.

Ideas?!

Sorry, I'm so out of the loop these days, months, years... meh, procrastination. >'===='>

Deko The Deflatable Zilla

*EDIT*

Inflatables/Balloons:
- Deko
- Hidden_man
- StompyChar
- Curus-Keel
- Shrike_Alvaron
- wolfenlegion

Poppers:
- LoneLeclerc
- StompyChar
- Tenebrion
- Shrike_Alvaron
- Curus-Keel
- KingAlcadrios
- RyuSyro
- Hidden_man


Possible artists:
- http://www.furaffinity.net/user/xchiseaxmargaritax
- http://www.furaffinity.net/user/frazzle
- http://www.furaffinity.net/user/koolkat/

... if you are interested into splitting a commission with me 15$/15$. Just trying something... new? Not really. Don't know.

Just reply to my comment in the following URL if you are interested:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23480415/

Not sure if the artist can accept, though. Haha. I need sleep. Good night. That paintball did a number on me, today. XE

I don't really know the user, but I randomly stumbled in the user's gallery and convinced it to write a journal about it. :V
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8094183/

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8045265/
I observed this artist for quite a while and I really dig his style. He also did draw some basic inflatable things. Hehe.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8043894/
I did get 2 commissions in the past with CarolZilla and I can say she is pleasant to do deal with. PLUS! She got "Zilla" in her name. I'm totally sold to that.

I'm not seriously considering getting a commission from them, but if you have suggestions and they move my mojo, I might reconsider. Been a while I didn't get any commissions. Also, winter is starting to get rash here, in Canada. I miss Summer so much! D:

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/21111724/

Just advertising something I found on Furaffinity. Looks neat. I always want more of these beach/pool YCH. Summer isn't over. ^'===='^

Also, sorry for not updating anything. Mental health is stable and physical health is just fine. I wish I could run or go to the beach way more often, but I lack the motivate and the energy. I always feel drained after work and I keep wasting my time on DotA 2. :E

I hate all haters.

Oh wait, does that make me a hater? Oh, big squeaky fok ing deal. :V

Yeah, last week, was poking at local furry Telegram channels and just found that most of these furries HATE balloon furries. Oh jeez, sorry to be made of vinyl and filled with air. I'm so sorry that my existence offends you.

And now an additional reason not to socialiaze.

Good thing I use the "Hate" as a fuel to run when I'm training in the park. HA! Because "LOVE" is for the weaks. Eat some "HATE" and your hunger will be satiated until I dont know know when.

At least THERE is a FRIENDLY and MATURE local furry Telegram channel here. Seriously, I never thought FURRIES could be so closed minded because I'm a freakign inflatable creature. It was a bit of a shock back then, but since Im 34 old years, I can cope with it and keep on living my zombie life with no goal as usual. Wheeee!

So, where do I get this book about "How to become a real furry?" so I can be less hated?

Oh wait a minute.... I think I'm in love with hate itself. I hate my family, I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate these haters.... but all this hate it fuels me. It opens a whole new perspective to me. I can't fake LOVE. Way too hard. Never knew love anyway. So much hate in this world. Might as well dive into it and make it MINE. HA! >:E

I know I do have few friends here, but it seems I can only focus on the negative things.

And I need more beers.

SAPORO!!!!!!!! ^'====='^

Lately, I've been browsing the YCH submissions and I've realized that being a big zilla pool toy is kind of limiting my choices by a lot. Summer is coming and I expect to see more and more "Pool party YCH" and "Beach party YCH" thingies.

Meanwhile, look at this lucky big beach ball. I'm a bit jealous. :V
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19787216/

I might get a commission slot, but feel free to post your character and reference as reply to the comment in the link if you feel like being with the Deko. You can decided later what the characters do. :E
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:49679491

First come, first served. Do no spam comments if someone already replied. XP

Then you are fit to play as Benedict Meltdown... or whatever.

Just saying that the Battleborn (Some Dota/Overwatch hybrid) open beta starts at 10:00 AM PST / 01:00 PM EST. I got bored of CS:GO, DotA and TF2, so what the heck. I might as well try it. :E

Click the "preloading it now" text. That's it... I think.
http://store.steampowered.com/app/3.....snr=1_7_15__13

"Sorry, you can only send messages at the moment." followed by a link pointing to this:
https://telegram.org/faq#can-39t-se.....o-non-contacts

I sent them a request to unblock my account and it's still not resolved.

It has been like this for weeks. Apparently, my account has been reported by other users. I don't get it, I barely use the damn thing. Usually, it's the OTHERS who contact me, not me. You know how I am, I'm not much of a chatter. Is it possible that some users can just abuse the system, and that if they don't like you for example, they could just report you for "Spam"? Sounds like another broken report system just like the one in DotA. Meaning Skype is still my favorite chat system... which I'm not entirely happy about either.

It's like my Facebook furry account that got disabled 2 years ago. It's like if someone really hates me. Could it one of these anti-popper zealots? These people are just balloon/inflatable jihadists to me.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7473132

Enough said.

That button just appeared this week or what? It's right next to the +Watch button. I clicked it by mistake just now. And the block list is a bit hard to find. I never block people. So, is the blocking feature used this often on Furaffinity that they had to place it right next to the +Watch button? So sad. :V

Bought some Hot Pockets in a US Walmart and it came with this code inside to unlock gear faster in Halo 5. I don't have an Xbox One, so this code is useless to me. I'm a fan of the Halo series, but I'm a PC gamer. It's not a big deal, but I'd rather let someone enjoy it than just throwing it away. :E

Comment below and then in 24 hours I'll use an online randomizer to chose who is the lucky one.

*edit*

Just adding a detail about the code. It's a 12 digits code that gives 2000 REQ Points. Hopefully no ones are disappointed. >'===='>;

And the website to redeem the code is: www.halo5hotpocketspromotion.com

Months ago, Facebook decided that my "Deko Drak" name didn't look real. They made me jump through loops, interrogating me about Facebook friends pictures, to finally ask for an ID. I didn't have an ID with the name "Deko Drak" on it. So I figured out maybe I could forge one with Photoshop... but I didn't have Photoshop installed so I procrastinated that project to later. And now it turns out that my "Deko Drak" Facebook account is disabled permanently.

This Facebook account was my only link to local furmeets in Québec. Sure, I rarely go to furmeets, being old and feeling out of place and not having a fursuit and not going to conventions and being an antisocial and all, but once in a while it was still nice. So, where do I go from now on?

Québec / Montréal furries, give me your suggestions.... NOW!!! >:E

... and the backup is over 2 years old.

All my personal files, videos, pictures, musics, etc... gone. The OS and gaming hard drives are okay. The gaming hard drive got replaced recently for a Western Digital 4TB Black Caviar. I've heard these things are hard to kill. My OS SSD is getting really old, though. I might be due for a computer upgrade, well, at least for the OS drive. Intel is supposed to get some new CPU architecture out in a few months. But I also want to save money so I can buy my own place and finally sleep soundly during the evening and night.

Procrastination got me real hard this time. I wanted to find a good free backup software, but I kept postponing the research and just forgot about backups altogether. At least I got a recent copy of my passwords on my phone. I should have been more cautious when its other twin crashed late in 2014, the other Seagate 3TB that is. This Silverstone Fortress FT03 computer case can cook these hard drives pretty badly it seems. It's great for cooling CPUs, GPUs and the rest, though. Speaking of cooling, the crashed hard drive is currently having a freezer cure right now. Perhaps it's gonna revive it as it doesn't seem completely dead.

And I was about to leave for a 2 days hiking trips, but forecast is looking pretty wet. I think that I'm going to stay after all and see if I can fix my procrastination issue once for all.

... and also zillas.

I should have posted a journal earlier about it, but the ones who won my kiriban contest were  cooljoe224 and  orzelaquila . To my surprise, cooljoe224 doesn't want to be in the picture and orzelaquila changed his fursona for his human form. I'm comfortable with this, don't worry. I just need to find an artist comfortable drawing a big balloon zilla and a human on the beach... and it's mature too. So, that's the challenge. Hehe. ^'===='^;

Got 2 weeks off to kill time and enjoy the weather. Summer is pretty close and I'm considering Hampton Beach in New Hampshire to celebrate the coming of summer. Poke me if you are interested.

Also, I'll be hiking probably alone in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. I got the gear now. I feel ready to stay overnight for severals days... but I won't. I'm still a newbie so 2 or 3 nights will be fine by me.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6805683/

But I think 65$ is still a fair price for what you get. Maybe even better. :D But what do I know. Been a long time since I haven't browsed artists for commissions. And with the current Canadian money weakness, it does tip the balance somewhat.

Too bad that I just spent so much on all this hiking/camping gear recently. I might have to do some overtime this summer. >'===='>;;

http://9gag.com/gag/a6yPOXq?ref=android

Good night.