Well my lovely boys and girls I was possessed by the devil and tried to bring about the apocalypse but then my brother shoved me and my half brother who was possessed by the archangel Michael in a hole to save-- Oh wait that's the wrong story. My bad guys, my bad.

Um, my story, my story, my story, where is it. . . *thumbs through brain files* AH HA!! Here we are.

It all started in the earlier part of this month when some bastard decided it would be a good idea to smash my window. http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i.....2-27093139.jpg Yes that is packing tape holding what is left of my driver's side window together. I have yet to come up with the cash to fix it because I needed the money for Christmas but my poor baby will be getting some much needed TLC after my next pay check. As for the bastard who thought it would be a good idea to smash my window, I hold here in my hands a jagged and rusty ice-pick with your name on it and I've baked you some cookies which you will find in my basement.

Of course this was not a direct contribution to my absence from the realm of the internet, no. But my story goes on.

My frustrations about my window were only compounded by the fact that Christmas was quickly approaching and by the fact that I had accepted a work schedule for the month that was out for my blood. When my boss called me and asked if I would be so kind as to work six days a week six to seven hours a day I quickly replied with, "Yeah! Sure! I can do that! Awesome!" Three days into said work schedule I was sobbing in the corner and wailing, "OH GODS WHAT HAVE I DONE!!??" This was not helped by the fact that most of the other employees had refused to work a full week all month and the one that did seemed to up and lose her immune system somewhere and left me to cover her hours. I'd hate to think what life would be like if I were throwing up/having bronchitis/having a sinus infection/getting bad drugs from my doctor/smoking too much pot at least once a week. Oh how my sympathy for her knows no bounds. The poor 21 year old girl was so sick she had to have her mother call the big boss and excuse her from preschool -- oops, I mean her job. Career building skills abound.

Unfortunately this schedule would have made it near impossible to be active on the internet or to produce any artwork even if my router had not been broken and Comcast took a month to get us a new one.

Whoa, wait! Hold the phone. What was that I just said? You read that right. My router broke. Comcast took their dear sweet fucking time to get me a new one. My mother who is a graphic/web designer and needs the net even when she isn't at the work place quickly called the company and addressed the issue. They of course assured us that they would be sending us a new router right away in a shiny first-class package. I would be fine without the internet for a week, my commissioners and trades would accept not hearing from me for just one week.

A week came and went. Several more days passed. My mother picked up the phone and called Comcast to ask us where our package was. Turns out they never sent it! Oh well ain't that a doosey! They apologized and assured us that they were sending it fo shizzle this time. No heel clicking or clapping of hands if we believed in fairies required!

Two weeks later the instruction manual showed up. . .

. . .

. . . No router included. . .

. . .

I, the over-worked and borderline neurotic caffeine addict, had all but lost track of the days by this time and had simply learned to relax and suffer through the anxiety attacks that plagued me every night when thoughts of the artwork I owed people slithered into my conscious mind. My absolutely ballistic mother called Comcast again. Oh how lucky they are that it is impossible to pop a cap in an ass over the phone. The very embarrassed technician told my mother that a store nearby had the routers in stock and that she had permission to go pick one up. So she did just that. Only to find that they didn't have the type of router they had promised us and wanted to give us an older model. Exhausted and sick of dealing with these people she took the available router. It would at least last us several more months. Two days later was Christmas day. Those two days had been the busiest I had ever seen the store and I truly had several screws loose the night of Christmas Eve. My mind is still recovering from the insanity.

The second widescreen monitor I received for Christmas helped out substantially though :3

So now, Crash, complete with functioning internet and dual monitor set up, has returned to you. . . until of course something else just as crazy as all this happens to her again.

TL;DR: Some one smashed my car window, I had to work a fucking shit-ton of hours to the point where I was insane and my internet went down for a month.

To those whom I owe stuff: I cannot tell you how truly sorry I am that this happened. I am genuinely embarrassed that I didn't give any notice that this was going on and that it has taken so long to get back. I am currently reading all my messages and responding accordingly. I will be working on artwork like the caffeine fueled nut-case I am and I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.

Back! I had a bit of an artistic break down as well as a social break down, but I'm back! Will be working on trades every spare second I get this week in order to get them all finished since I've been slacking off like a boss. I'm sorry guys, I really am OTL

Also, not now of course since I'm busy, but in the very very near future I'd like to open myself up for commissions. I'm a little in the dark about how I should price my work though since it's been so long since I last did any of these puppies. Does anybody have any suggestions or know of a good pricing guide? I'd be offering sketches, speed paints, line art and full color art aaaaaand I'm pretty much not afraid of weird subject matter :3

Thanks for your help, patience and support! I love you all thiiiiiiiiiiiis much! <3

I feel some more of my morbid and violent sketch art coming on. . . only this time it involves ponies.

Seriously, I watched that show a few episodes in and wanted to claw my eyes out. What's the allure? I DON'T GET IT. :I

I hate Resee's Puffs. There was a time I liked them though and I love peanut butter so I keep forgetting that they're gross. My brother keeps buying them and I keep trying to eat them but every time I do it's like I just poured myself a big bowl of disappointment :I -munch munch munch- It almost tastes of sushi this morning Dx

Anyway, in more important news on Wednesday I blistered the living hell out of my fingers so not much drawing has been done since then. I was making a batch of caramel apples for the first time at my job and dipping then spinning the excess caramel off of three hundred apples tends to do that to your fingers. The smaller ones have gone down some and have started to callous, but the large ones are still extremely painful, two ripped open at work and I'm really afraid that one might be getting an infection. Seriously, it looks like I stuck my hands into a fire or something and I'm miserable Dx

To make matters worse, yesterday while driving my dad to work (his car is in the shop) my engine started to shudder and slip gears and just started being a complete pain in the ass. I have to get it into a mechanic today, but I'm also scheduled to work again. I was going to have my brother take me while on his lunch brake but my dad took his car.

In a nutshell both me and my brother are without transportation, I'm in huge amounts of pain just doing every day tasks with my hands and stressed to hell. I'm thinking today might be a good day to call out. Dx

Mavu, I haven't forgotten your trade! It's coming along slowly but surely :'D

Yeah so yesterday I didn't upload anything. Oh well it was probably an impossible goal for me with how busy I usually am anyway. I didn't even get the chance to open up my sketchbook! @.@

My family and I had an adventure day which is always fun. It's where we have a general destination goal/activity in mind, but we screw around, take detours, find interesting stops and are otherwise spontaneous on the way there. Yesterday we ended up driving through a few really cool little towns and rural areas, then we ended up in Golden where OF COURSE we had to take the tour of the Coors brewery. It was pretty cool and I got free beer and a really spiffy key chain bottle opener. Specially designed for alcoholics on the go like me. When that was over we ended up deeper in the mountains and went through a few skiing towns before we arrived at Brekenridge. For any of you big into cycling you'll know that stage six of the USA Pro Cycling Challenge passed through there yesterday. My dad is HUGE into cycling and I should have known why we were headed there, but I didn't so it was a surprise to me. Anyway we stood on the sidelines for a while until all the pacing cars came by followed by Andy Shleck who, holy shit, was making the team cars screech their tires around the corner just trying to keep up with him. I mean he was going so flipping fast that my camera was like, "HOLY SHIT WHAT AM I TRYING TO CAPTURE!?" and just tried to die ): When he came around the corner though he was only INCHES from the people watching. The rest of the riders got so close you could feel the wind coming off them, but this guy was even closer. Unfortunately the gap that Andy had about five miles from the finish got closed and he ended up getting taken over by a few other riders. Ah well, it was fun anyway.

Okay back to ART. I'm thinking about doing some trades and maybe, MAYBE, commissions soon since I don't have a lot of hours next month at work. Is there anybody who would be interested? Other thoughts or suggestions?

It seems to me that for whatever reason someone is ALWAYS mowing or edging the lawn, or doing construction in my neighborhood D8< Not to mention the fact that it starts up at 7am and I sleep with my window open because it's summer and waaaaay too hot. Jebus! Could you people just shut up, have a beer and be quiet for ten minutes!? -slaps on her headphones and cranks up the volume-

Whew okay /endrant. Am I the only person this happens to?