So

my phone's battery has been going kinda screwy on me in various ways. I use it a LOT since I deliver pizza and use navigation and listen to audiobooks and text KB (with speech-to-text, of course) and am constantly plugging/unplugging it so that's not necessarily a huge surprise.
The wear and tear on both the charging cable and the phone's charging port has been making it more and more difficult to get it charging and keep it charging (especially with the extraordinarily bumpy roads here in town).

So today, I come home for the day at 60%. I've gotten into the habit of turning the brightness down all the way and setting things to low power mode when I'm not at work (and thusly barely using my phone). A few hours later I notice its down to about 56%
Now I could go out and get my car charger, which is a third-party USB charger. But I'm in my jammies and don't feel like it, so I ask KB to borrow her charger, an apple iphone charger, thinking that its in fair condition, at least better than my car charger, so charging should be more smooth.

I position it in such a way that it stays charging and leave it alone for about half an hour or so. Since the charging "position" is a little delicate, I try not to move the phone much, but I check the charge and it says 55%. That's... a little worrisome but I recall once my battery dropping a whole 2% after being plugged in before starting to go up again, so I don't worry much.

About an hour goes by and I check again
... 54%.

At this point I'm assuming my phone isn't -really- plugged in and charging, it just thinks it is. I've got the brightness minimized, low power mode on, as well as airplane mode. And I'm not using the phone so my battery consumption should be near-zero. I close all my apps and decide to check on it again in a few hours. So I curl up for a nap. About two hours ago, I wake up and decide to check my battery.

34%
...THIRTY FOUR PERCENT

In my half-asleep state, my brain remembers it as 37% and then I really panic when I unplug it and check five minutes later and think its dropped three percent in 5 minutes.

But I check it a few times and see it only drop another 1% after about 10 minutes, and then stay at 33% for about 20 more minutes. Okay, so its not dying so fast it cant charge fast enough to not still die. Then what the fuck is happening?

I start doing math. In about five hours, it dropped roughly 20%. That's four percent every hour. After unplugging it, the rate of losing charge went to maybe 1 percent per half hour, or 2 percent an hour. And honestly it probably wasn't even that much.

So the rate at which my phone was dying effectively DOUBLED while PLUGGED IN. I googled the question "is it possible for an iphone charger to drain the battery" and wouldn't you know it, the apple site just couldn't resolve the issue for someone having the exact same problem as me.


NOW things are starting to make sense. I throw on a shirt and hop outside to collect my car charger, get it charging and in FIVE MINUTES I'm back up to 40%

Now I'm over 80% and that's in what? Half an hour? So with an apple charger my phone's battery gets drained faster than if it was just sitting unplugged... With a third-party charger, it charges just fine...

So apparently apple is trying to scam me for one of their stupid new batteries. Great.

So I've just finished a two-week vacation from doing any art and writing. I more or less okay'd this idea with everyone I owe commissions to (one of them had the idea, after all).
I think it's done me some good. I feel a little more refreshed and... unburdened, I guess. Less anxious about GOTTA GOTTA GOTTA work on stuff, you know?
I really do want to start working more, to make more art more frequently. Not just for you guys, but for me, too. I want to see my imagination come to life. And I know I can. More money from commissions would be great, but I dont know if I'll ever get to a point where Im a full-time artist. For all I know this vacation won't have made a ding-dang difference, either. But whatevs. This is my life, I have to live it.

I love you guys. Thanks for being so patient with me. I'm about to upload something now.

 tazel is like, the goddamn nicest person I know from the internet. Help hir out with some donations, okay?
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8639299/

hey, guys. If anyone has some spare cash please consider helping us out or maybe spreading the word? thanks
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8540352/

So I got in my car to go to work today (currently delivering for dominos) and discovered I have a flat tire. This isn't very good timing because Im currently trying to catch up on my bills and without a functioning vehicle I can't really work. If anyone can spare a little to help me cover the costs of a new tire (and maybe even a spare, should this happen again), I'd really appreciate it.

paypal is shineykittybird[at]gmail.com

Thanks.

Hey, guys. I know I don't update much but me and my wife are trying to get together some money for her to head off a little trip on her own to get her head straight. Anything you can do to help (donating, commissioning either of us) would really help. Thanks

Details in her journal: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8437316/

Hey, guys. I know I don't update much but me and my wife are trying to get together some money for her to head off a little trip on her own to get her head straight. Anything you can do to help (donating, commissioning either of us) would really help. Thanks

Details in her journal: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8437316/

Thank you to everyone who helped us out recently. I think we're going to pull through. I have some projects to work on now but I wanted everyone to know things have improved. Thanks again.

So...
I guess I need to come clean here, in a way
So... If you don't remember, I had a nervous breakdown and quit my job last year... I got a new job, but that was after three weeks of not working. We were recovering from that financially, slowly, but then our friend moved out (She was helping pay the rent). And then we had to recover from that. Then I mad the decision to try and do uber full time. Wasn't a good idea. If only because I kept not ubering enough. But I learned to deal with that. But then LSU let out for the summer and business took a dive.
Then I went on a family vacation. Probably shouldn't have gone but it was my only chance to see them (they live in the UK). So I decided to go back to my job delivering pizzas (not the job that gave me a nervous breakdown, the one after that). But guess what? Business there was also in the shitter, so tips and hours were next to nothing...
kittybird tries to get commissions, and tries to do babysitting work for a friend of ours, but... again, for whatever reasons, business with commissions has been slow, and she keeps having shifts taken from her as a babysitter and its just... one thing after another. I figured business would be about to pick up with delivering pizza and doing uber and maybe if I just knuckled down for a month I could start catching up...

Then I got a flat tire
Then my car wouldn't start cuz the battery died

...

Basically, we have... SCRAPED by for the last... I dunno, six months? But I am literally a month behind on EVERYthing. Phone bill, car note, power bill, car insurance, even my rent. My rent for September is due in two weeks and I havent even paid (or indeed, made the money for) AUGUST's rent. I'm moving to a different job where I can more than likely make more money (or barring that, just be happier, hopefully), but everything is just piling on and it feels like any minute everything is going to fall apart and I'm holding on by a thread...

My credit is not good, otherwise I would just get a loan and use it to catch up on everything and pay it off for the next couple of years...
*sighs*
I dunno what to do. I try to work on commissions but I just get paralyzed with stress. All the time. I feel like everytime someone is kind to me I squander it somehow... I don't feel worthy of asking for help, but... I don't have any other choice at this point.

Going to Orlando for a couple of weeks with  kittybird and her family. Will still be available for talking and stuff probably

I've decided to list my contact info again on here. Feel free, any of you, to message me on skype or discord
discord thing: abstracthybridparadox #7481

EDIT: just to clarify, I have my skype contact info on my front page, it's also abstracthybridparadox if anyone prefers it (I do, until Discord has font resizing)

So I'm looking for a new job. Got a few prospects. I'm going to do some uber driving in the meantime, since it seems like I might be waiting a while to hear back from these places. Im also heading to a self-defense class today. I honestly haven't felt that unsafe, really, but I just feel like knowing how to fight is an important skill. Anyway...

 kittybird will be streaming this weekend for Tigerdile's homecon. You should really take a peek and enjoy her art. She's wonderful, her prices are very reasonable and negotiable, and her turn-around puts mine to eternal shame. She'll draw just about anything you want. We could really use some help this month with everything that's happened, so if you feel like it, please consider buying some griffy arts.

Also, just as a side-note, Im looking for someone who would be able to help me put some color to my art. I find its tricky for me to draw digitally from scratch, but its also really tricky for me to color my traditional work. If anyone would like to volunteer to color some of my stuff, I'd really appreciate it.

Love you all.

I feel worse than ever this morning, for reasons that should be obvious to anyone living in the unitsed states
But Im using it.
Getting a jump rope today and exercising. Going to put in 5 more applications, and call back the places I've already applied
IM GOING TO FUCKING DRAW SOMETHING FUCK YOU
I'm done with this fucking shit
DONE.

So my anxiety got so bad I had to quit my job. Was having a panic attack almost every day I was working, either during my shift or when I got home. Felt like I couldnt breathe. Didnt feel like I was safe at my job.
So I had to get out. Isn't a good time seeing as Im broke but my rent is paid up for the month so there's that. Was feeling much better, honestly. This all went down last week, mind you. Told my bosses I was quitting on Tuesday, then had another anxiety episode on Friday and told my boss I had to get out. Felt a lot better, a lot calmer, ironically enough. Have been jobhunting for a couple of days. Have had some prospects for work, but part of me is being a little pessimistic. The Election is stressing me out, too... I dunno. I'm just worried about bloody everything right now...

I love you guys. I'll make it... But if anyone wants to lend a hand, please message me or  kittybird

Therapy went well. Was just an assessment really, but we both agreed we're a good match, so I have another session next week.

I didn't mention this on FA but I did get an appointment to speak to a therapist. Not from the mental health clinic my doctor referred me to (they're not taking new patients, so yay), but someone my grandmother recommended (not the one currently in a nursing home, the other one). It's actually today, in just a little while, so maybe once it's over I will edit this journal with how it went.

...
...
...

yep.

Where to begin. *sighs* I don't update much... I keep telling myself its just artist's block or... whatever the fuck. But the truth is... I have some kind of serious depression or anxiety issue. I've lost all motivation to work on bloody anything, and anytime I do get any inspiration, stress and worries and self-doubts paralyze me until the inspiration passes... I only owe a couple of people art at this point, and you know who you are and I will get it done... eventually.
Me and KB have a new roommate, someone who's house got destroyed in the recent flooding. She's really wonderful and has been a big help, both financially and emotionally. Though she does have her own issues, like the aforementioned flooded house. So she sometimes needs our support, as well, and that can be taxing for someone in my situation...

Work has been a great big pile of stress for me. My co-workers make fun of me constantly, although thats probably just my current emotional state talking. My boss has been great, but... I dunno. I keep wondering if its time for me to find another job... again. And that just... fucking pisses me off. I dont want to start over AGAIN...

*sighs*

I've come out as transgendered, IRL. I may have mentioned that, I dunno... My mom has been a huge pain about it, and I'm on the verge of cutting her from my life. But I know she's had a lot of family bullshit to deal with, especially now that my grandma's husband passed away. She's in a nursing home now, by the way. I know that can't have been easy for her, so I'm trying not to add to it by getting in her face about my transition, but... I simultaneously feel like this should not be so damaging to her. Difficult to keep track of, perhaps, difficult to remember to call me my new name, but... I dont know... fuck it.

I had my first real, adult doctor's appointment this week. It was... really refreshing to speak to a healthcare professional on my own terms and be treated like a person, an adult and be given answers to the innumerable questions Ive had over the years about my body. I'm still on the fence about HRT, but I was referred to a mental health clinic that I will be calling tomorrow to get an appointment and hopefully finally get some help for all this shit my brain is doing.

That's all. Sorry for the language.

...
All my life, I've been a quiet person. I've trained myself to bite my tongue, to not be outspoken, to keep my head down. It's the result of being the middle child, and also out of shape and a social misfit, where my talents and skills often lied outside the realm of what is real. I'm a creature of imagination.
No more.
I'm a deliberate person, I try to pick my words carefully, you see. I like to think more than I like to speak. However, this usually leads me to indecision and consequently, to inaction. Lately, I believe I have made strides in being more decisive, and I will continue to do so.

...
Three police officers were murdered yesterday in my hometown of Baton Rouge. On a Sunday morning. This is the latest act of violence to occur in a series of reactions seemingly begun by the allgedly-unjustified shooting of a civilian man. People seem to giving in to hatred over this, and far, far too many people are suffering for it.
No more.
...

It is said that for evil to be victorious, good people simply have to do nothing. I believe I am a good person. I am not a powerful person. I am not an influential person. I can't fight crime or donate lots of money or run for office. But I can speak. I can put out my thoughts and emotions and ideas to all of you, my friends, my fans, my family, and whatever goodness I possess can perhaps spread to others, and a difference can be made.
No more will I remain silent. Too much is at stake for me to do nothing.

32 year old mouse
#imold

Hello, everyone. My name is Tesseract Paradox. I'm a cybernetic dragonmouse herm. You can call me Tess :)
Or Derpy, that's my nickname. It's nice to meet you all.

For any of you looking for more frequent updates on me and my life and such, head over to my twitter and give me a follow https://twitter.com/DragonMouseENT

Imagine if you will, a room-sized mouse, ie me. More than a few of you who follow me are macro/growth enthusiasts, so I'm sure I have your attention. Lately I've been enjoying the thought of growing larger more and more, and in many ways I find it to be analogous to the progression I feel like I'm achieving in life.

So here I am, filling up this room with gradually more and more me. Hot. Sexy. Fun. But then my body collides with the walls of said room... and the walls don't give. Not even a little. They're far thicker and more resilient than I imagined, moreso than I am. Panic sets in. Here I am, crammed into this tiny space, cramped and claustrophobic. I have two choices... be crushed to death, or stop growing. The obvious choice is stop. Sure, I could shrink, but that represents going backwards, which I refuse to do. So I have to stop. I have to wait. And all that time, Im jammed into a space I'm far too large to truly live in.

As you may remember, I moved into a new apartment with kittybird and a mutual friend. A 3-bedroom place. One bedroom me and KB share, the second belongs to our roommate, and the third is a workroom the two of them share. I've set up shop between the wall and the bed in our bedroom, and for the most part, it's worked for me. Our roommate recently made the decision to move out, saying there isn't enough room. Sparing you all a rant about THAT, I will simply say that its true. She has a lot of furniture, and we have at least a whole apartment's worth on our own. Once she and all her furniture are gone, KB and I will have enormous amounts of space to use, and I will have my own room to set up my computer and work on my endless amounts of projects.

One she moves out.

At the end of this month.

....

So we're back to this analogy where I'm jammed, macro-sized, into this room I can't outgrow. I WANT to outgrow it, and keep growing, but I can't. I just have to wait. And the whole time, Im stuffed like a fucking sardine into this space. It's no one's fault, it's not like my roommate has been taking her sweet time finding a place or something, it's not like she really does anything that's preventing me from progressing... but it's still stressing me out beyond belief.

My co-workers aren't any help, shockingly (/sarcasm)

Finally a new episode gets posted :P enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGQPS29kL5k