1. First thing you wash in the shower?
Hair

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
My pink and black leopard/zebra/cheetah/jaguar/giraffe print one

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Probably, I guess, maybe... if I have to. ....*tackle*

4. Do you plan outfits?
Not really.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Indifferent

6. What's the closest thing to you that is red?
A storage box on wheels in shape of a caboose I had when I was like.. 2

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
Watching Tirion fight Arthas. ...What?

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Nope

9. What are you craving right now?
Fallout: New Vegas

10. Do you floss?
No, I never really learned or cared how

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Rabbits, or those stupid dolls

12. Are you emotional?
I guess so, but in a very not emotional way

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Nope

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I do a little bit of both biting and licking... if you know what I mean

15. Do you like your hair?
Everyone else seems to like it, so yes I do

16. Do you like yourself?
Yes, for the most part.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
It really wouldn't be a dinner with him, but mostly with his staff. If you've read America: The Book then you know what I'm talking about

18. What are you listening to right now?
Cascada

19. Are your parents strict?
Not really

20. Would you go sky diving?
I don't know. I feel like I'd be scared to, but at the same time feel like I missed out on something if I never do it.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Not really

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Nope

23. Do you rent movies often?
Nope

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
I have this glittery Avatar shirt.

25. How many countries have you visited?
Nowhere, I never left California

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
Nope

27. Ever been on a train?
Many times

28. Brown or white eggs?
I don't care

29. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes, it's handy

30. Do you use chap stick?
Not really, no

31. Do you own a gun?
Nope, however I would like to one day.

32. Can you use chop sticks?
I'm an American, I like my stabbing utensils.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
No one

34. Are you too forgiving?
Probably

35. Ever been in love?
Well.. yeah

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
Probably raiding or something

37. Ever have cream puffs?
Don't think so

38. Last time you cried?
I don't remember

39. What was the last question you asked?
I don't remember

40. Favorite time of the year?
Summer when is nice and hot

41. Do you have any tattoos?
No, I don't want in

42. Are you sarcastic?
Indeed, very much so

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
I really didn't want to

44. Ever walked into a wall?
No, only glass doors

45. Favorite color?
Pink, Crimson, Purple, Black

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yeah, usually playfully

47. Is your hair curly?
No, it's wavy

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Chris Cornell's new solo album

49. Do looks matter?
It depends, I mean it sort of does at first but I once I start gettign to know the person they become more attractive to me regardless.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
My idea of cheating is probably different from yours

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
No

52. Do you like your life right now?
It's fine, I could be doing a lot better, but despite my occasional complaining I'm mostly content with life.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No, I sleep with my computer on playing music

54. Can you handle the truth?
Perhaps

55. Do you have good vision?
Not really, I'm ok for the most part but I need glasses for driving

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Nope

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Not too often

58. The last person you held hands with?
Tahnee

59. What are you wearing?
My warmer hoodie and pajamas

60.What is your favorite animal?
Jaguar

61. Where was your default picture taken at?
Well.. my FA icon was made by Jello. My facebook/myspace picture was taken at the local mall.

62. Can you hula hoop?
Nope

63. Do you have a job?
Nope

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
No More Heroes 2 and Tetsunoko vs Capcom

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
A couple times, we've locked ourselves out of the house on a couple different occasions in my life.

1 | What is the name of your fursona?
Jett Markson, aka Jagwarrior

2 | Where did the name of your Fursona come from?
Jagwarrior was thought up by me back when I was like 5 0r 6 years old. Jett Markson was created by both Docksy and I, I knew my Fursona was going to be a Jaguar so I wanted to call him Jett [In honor of Jet Jaguar of Godzilla fame.] but couldn't think of a good last name, so Docksy helped with a fitting one.

3 | What species is your fursona and why did you choose that species?
Jaguar. Cat people aren't exactly the most original creatures, but ever since I was a very little kid I loved big cats like Lions, Tigers, Leopards, Cheetahs, and of course, Jaguars. I can't tell you why I connected with Jaguars like I did at a such a young age, but I did and so they've stuck with me throughout my life.

4 | What color is your fursona and why? Hair/fur/eyes/etc.
Jett has the same coloring as any normal real life Jaguar would. Only exception being his eyes, which I made green, because I like green eyes. Plus, as a character in my story his human genes are much more dominant than his animal genes.

5 | What is your fursona's personality and how does this compare to your RL personality?
Jett is a lot like me, but tougher. We both have a sarcastic, feminine-y personality but Jett has much stronger willpower, higher pain tolerance, and unflinching resolve than I will.

6 | What is one item your fursona owns that is significant to you in RL?
Probably his sunglasses and his fedora, both of which are items I own in real life and wear whenever. He has a necklace with a Celtic cross on it, which I'd probably own as well if I could find a good one.

7 | What is one thing you think you would say to your fursona if you could meet?
I'm not sure.. I'd probably just tackle hug him

8 | What is one thing your fursona would say to you if you could meet?
Again, I'm not sure. He'd probably be in too much of a shock of some random guy tackle hugging him. =P

9 | How has your fursona changed over the years?
He has changed a lot over the years. Original he was just Jagwarrior, a large jaguar man in a spiky Norse-looking suit of armor with a big ass sword, originally inspired by Armored King from the Tekken video game series. As I grew up, I dropped that story in favor of other more complex stuff and, for the most part, Jag was left behind and forgotten.

Years later, I begin to remember that old story with Jagwarrior and felt I wanted to add him into my newer established universe because I did like the character. However, his Norse Warrior look didn't quite fit the kind of story I had in mind so he went through a remake. I wanted to stick to his roots as a superhero, but didn't want to give him an outlandish costume so I created an outfit made of real clothes that could work within the cover of night. In the end he looks very Spirit-like in design, and I'm happy with that.

Personally-wise Jag didn't have much personality at first other than generic Conan The Barbarian-style badass, however with the new look I changed it out for something more happy and more nicer. As a final piece I made him gay, I don't really have a reason for making him gay either. I wasn't trying to be edgy or anything, it just kind of fit, I like the idea of a strong powerhouse who has a quirky feminine side.

Other then that, I had help with Docksy and her fursona to felt out some of the non-superhero stuff, turning him into kind of a wannabe raver and help him release his feminine side out more after spending every night trying out act like a badass to scare the bad guys.

I'm happy with how he turned out, Jett is basically Batman mixed with Leon The Professional.




Sprinkled with rainbows.

10 | How long have you had this fursona?
I've had him since I was like 5 or 6 years old, the current incarnation of him has been around for a few years. About 5 or so years, perhaps

11 | Would you like to be more like your fursona?
If anything I'd like to be as strong as he his, both physically and in personality.

*Are you a furry?*
Furry-ish. I'm more of a creative person with a very overactive imagination that lives in his own special little made of world, so any kind of community that adds a little bit of fantasy to normal everyday human life is always fun to be part of. You know... kind of like Dr. Steel.

*If you have a Spouse/SO - Is he/she a furry too?
I have no spouse, but the person I'm in a semi-relationship with is a furry yes. Generally, I'm not actively looking for a Furry when it comes to a mate but I'd like them to either be open to the idea/easily corruptible into the fandom or at least tolerant of the community.

*How long have you been in the community?
I guess it's been a year or so now.

*How did you find furry?
I admit that originally I was drawn to the Furry community because I really liked the porn. There's something about gay furry porn that is so much more enjoyable to look at than normal yaoi, however I never really became active in the community itself until my friend, Tahnee, started becoming active in it. I'd be interested in furries for a long time, but had no idea how to become part of it, she was a good "excuse" to join.

*What's your reason for furry (what interested you to get into the community)?
Originally it was the porn, and while I still do enjoy it, I also like art in general. I've always liked art, I'm jealous of anyone who can draw with some talent, as it's the one skill I've always wanted. The community also is fun to me, I like the openness that runs through it.

*What's Furry to you?
1 part Imagination and 1 part creative talent mixed well with a large batch of sexual confusion

*If someone found out you're a furry and asked you about it how would you respond?
Depends on what they were asking.. O.o

*What are your favorite aspects of our community?
The community in general, they're fun.

*Do you use any furry terms? (i.e. yiff, paws, murr?)
Just in jokes

*What do you wish furry was NOT associated with?
Some of the more illegal sexual acts such as child rape and bestiality, though even then I find those people more interesting than disgusting because I'd like to find out why they are who they are.

*How strongly do you feel about someone bashing the community as a whole?
People have a misconception of the Furry community which is both their fault for being shortsighted and at the same time the community's fault for being attention whores online at times. While that's a gross generalization, the kinds of furries who flip out on people because they don't believe furries are their cup of tea only hurts the community as much as the people who think the entire community is nothing by gay guys having sex with animals while pretending to be one.

*How strongly do you feel about anyone bashing you yourself for your interest based on the media's aspect of what furry is?
It's bound to happen eventually, to each is own. There's a lot of things about me one can easily bash me on, meh.

*We all know furries have a lot of sexual aspects in this fandom, What's your opinion on it?
I can be a very touchy feely person, and while I'm not going to have sex with random people I meet or go overboard in public places, I do enjoy the openness people have about sex.

Personal

*What is/are your fursona(s)?
A Jaguar

*Do you have any fetishes that pertain to the fandom?
Not.. really? I'm not a fur suit sex, yiffing kind of person but animalistic behavior in bed can be fun.

*If you could magically morph into your fursona would you?
Perhaps, though I'd probably rather be a catboy or a girl.

*Do you believe you have a spirit animal?
Perhaps. I know I've always loved Jaguars and large cats in general since I was a very small child and I couldn't tell you WHY I ever liked them to begin with. I think a lot of people recognize with animals or some type of creature.

*What other fanbases/groups are you a part of?
Video Games, World of Warcraft, and Anime to a lesser extent

*Anthro/Feral, Therian or Kemonomimi (Not a furry, just a human with animal ears and a tail)?
I recognize with both Anthro and Kemonomini. My fursona is an anthro, but I dislike wearing fursuits so I dress up as a human with cat ears and a tail, I think it's much, much more sexier.

*Are you a fursuiter? If yes, how many do you own? If No, do you ever plan on being a suiter?
Nope. I don't really like wearing Fursuits. That's not to say I don't like fursuits in general, I think the people who can design and make those things are very talent people and can appreciate a finely crafted outfit. They just aren't my thing.

*How many of your friends are furry?
I've made a few, and slowly I find them growing

*How many pets do you own, if any?
I don't own any pets.

*Aside from furry what other interests do you have?
Video Games, writing, music, drink mixing, movies

*Are you confident enough in yourself to say that you're a fur, no matter what the media says?
I guess so

Meetups

*Do you attend any cons? If no, would you attend any cons? If yes, which cons have you been to?
Nope, but one day I would like to go to some

*Do you go to local meetups(bowling, public outings...etc)?
Nope, never been invited to one. I'd go though if I could.

*Have you ever attended a furry party? If no, would you attend one?
Yes, I go to one party that happens once a month.

Online

*Have you ever met up with a fur you talked to online?
Most furs I know I've met in real life, then later on found online.

*What furry websites do you attend?
FA, I also had an account on Pounced and Furspace but I hardly ever use it

*What non furry websites do you frequent?
A lot

*Has the fandom done anything for you that you're thankful for? Has it taught you anything or brought you anything you treasure greatly?
It has made life a tad bit more exciting, and I like having another community I can mingle around it and find friends I probably would have never met otherwise. One major thing I like about Furries is big hot spot for the GLBT community, so it's nice to be part of something who have similar sexualities and mindsets as I do.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/TV/.....ine/index.html

"An autopsy report issued Friday by Hillsborough County, Florida, cites cocaine as a contributing factor in the death of TV pitchman Billy Mays, who died in June at age 50.

"Mays died from a lethal arrhythmia of the heart caused by hypertensive and arteriosclerotic heart disease," the county said in a statement attributed to Dr. Leszek Chrostowski, the associate medical examiner who conducted the autopsy.

"He further concluded that cocaine use caused or contributed to the development of his heart disease, and therefore contributed to his death," it added.

The fact that toxicology tests detected only breakdown products of cocaine, not the drug itself, led Chrostowski to conclude that Mays had used cocaine "in the few days prior to death but not immediately prior to death."

Cocaine is a stimulant that can raise blood pressure and thicken the wall of the left ventricle of the heart, one of the organ's four main pumping chambers.

The autopsy also found low concentrations of ethyl alcohol "consistent with social consumption of a few beverages" as well as the narcotic drugs hydrocodone, oxycodone and tramadol. Mays had prescriptions for the drugs -- which were found in therapeutic or subtherapeutic concentrations -- to ease hip pain.

In addition, the tests found evidence of two tranquilizers -- alprazolam (Xanax) and diazepam (Valium) -- which are commonly prescribed for a variety of ailments, including anxiety and insomnia. Both drugs were determined to be in therapeutic or subtherapeutic concentrations."


Now it all makes sense...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnGruD-Q-aw

Looks interesting. The color seems very deluded and bland for an Alice movie though which is kind of annoying and Cheshire looks... lacking.

However it could be entertaining, at least Depp isn't using his Jack Sparrow voice.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Jacob
2. Devlin
3. Homo [Thank you, Zack.]

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU'VE HAD:
1. DevlinDarkness
2. Devlin Darkness
3. Yes, I lack originality

THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 33 MINUTES:
1. Porn
2. Pee
3. Paaaahh... listen to music

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My somewhat Nihilist attitude toward life
2. My lack of any real sexual or gender identity
3. My Hair [At least everyone else does, might as well join the crowed. O.o]

THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My skin
2. The way I talk, lack of ability to speech clearly
3. Lack of any real artistic talent

THREE PARTS OF YOUR ORIGINS:
1. Irish
2. Welsh
3. Spanish

THREE THINGS YOU'RE AFRAID OF:
1. The Dark
2. Being Alone
3. Growing Up/Loosing my imagination

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Grey shorts
2. Black shirt
3. Underwear

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Internet
2. Video games
3. Music

THREE IMPORTANT OBJECTS:
1. Computer
2. My many video game machines
3. My Camera

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
1. Oingo Boingo
2. Blind Guardian
3. The White Stripes/Jack White

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY:
1. Being with friends
2. Listening to music
3. Being really immersed in a video game

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. "Water" by Oingo Boingo
2. "Blew That Bitch Away" from Evil Dead: The Musical
3. "We Didn't Start The Fire" by Billy Joel

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Get a job
2. Get a new computer
3. Get into some sort of school or something, look into trade schools/Try out bartending

THREE THINGS YOU REGRET:
1. This part
2. Is hard
3. For me to answer

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Something Open/Playful
2. Someone who shares my interest in the media/play video games with/see movies with/etc
3. Someone who's a child at heart, like me

THREE IMPORTANT THINGS YOU'VE GIVEN TO THE WORLD:
1. A headache
2. Comical posts throughout the internet? >.>
3. Friendship with people

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I have two fun groups of friends who I love.
2. I'm a media whore
3. I'm male. >.>

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX:
1. Pretty eyes
2. Playful/hyper/childish personality
3. Clean [As in drug/alcohol/smoke free]

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Sing..
2. Draw..
3. Have a decent sleep schedule

THREE THINGS YOU MISS FROM YOUR PAST:
1. Some of my old friends
2. Automated semi-worry free life.
3. Uh.. friends

THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:
1. Money
2. Video games
3. A new computer

THREE REASONS WHY YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE:
1. My hands free upbringing [As in my parents didn't really do much to teach me, I learned everything on my own.]
2. My friends, especially people like Tahnee and Zack
3. Violent video games and Movies! =D

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. WoW
2. Video games
3. Hanging out with friends

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Lay with Tahnee
2. Sleep
3. Write something

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Bartender
2. Psychologist
3. Author/Director/Lead Designer/something in the media

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR HOLIDAY:
1. Ireland
2. Britain
3. Japan

THREE CARTOON CHARACTERS:
1. The Tick
2. Tron Bonne
3. Alicia Pris [Becuase this is a Furry site]

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Be a published Author, or... something involving my stories and ideas put out there in the media that people love and it's rule 34'd to death by the internet
2. Oh you know what would be cool? Pet some sort of wild animal. Like a trained one who knew humans if say.. I was working at a zoo [for some reason] or there were animals we were using on set for filming. I'd go up to some sort of wild cat or bear or wolf or something and give it a big happy tummy rub. Yeah.. I guess that works. *shrug* >_>
3. And Um... I'd say plant a tree but that'd just be sappy *Ba-dum tish*

Just got back from seeing Star Trek, thought it was pretty awesome. One of the reasons I saw it was because I thought the cast was going to be phenomenal and I definably wasn't let down. I thought all the actors did a wonderful job from Kirk's swagger, Spock's Spockyness, and goddamn Bones hating goddamn everything, all the actor did great. I even liked Eric Bana in this and I HATE that guy.

A word of warning to long time trekkies though. This is a "revision" of the franchise and in such there is MASSIVE lore rape all throughout the movie that may piss off long time nerds... err... fans, but in the context of the storyline said rape actually makes sense.

Unlike say... Wolverine.... goddamn it FOX.

[Taken from some of my friend's journals. The following will go over Jett my "fursona" and Tiffany and Devlin my "personas" seeing as both are human though I think they should be on here too since I identify more with them than I do Jett.]

1 – Do you and your "fursona" look alike?
Jett is big and stronger that I am. His face is a tad feminine looking [for a large cat] but other then that we aren't alike at all.

Tiffany… we don't look much alike either, but being transgendered she's also the person I see myself as on the inside so... mentally yes. >.>

Devlin is me. Literally Devlin’s physical appearance is based completely off my own with a few minor details most notably the blue glowing blue Riddick-esque eyes he has which is a slight nod to JC Denton from the video game Deus Ex.

2 – Do you and your "fursona" share attires?
I own a few of the items Jett wears. If I went out more and went shopping more I'm sure Jett and my clothes would become interchangeable.

I don't follow the punk scene as close as Tiffany does. Again I WOULD wear the kind of outfits she has if I went out shopping more.

Devlin’s attire is based of clothing I already own and wear with one exception being that the sunglasses I wear don’t double as a HUD and scanner… Sadly…

3 – Do you share the same sexuality as your fursona?
Jett, no. Jett is a complete rainbow loving, designer fashion, flaccid around naked women queer boy though I try to make him as little of a stereotype as possible.

Tiffany yes, we're both bisexual.

Devlin no. Devlin is my male side and so he’s more or less completely straight.

4 – If you hadn’t already made your fursona look like you, if you would to change how he/she looked like to make him/her look more like you, how would you think he/she would look like?
There's nothing I'd really change on either of them. Tiffany is more or less perfect as is Devlin and Jett my still go through some changes but I love how he is now.

5 – Did you work hard to develop your fursona? What is the (brief) history of your fursona?
Jett is the oldest character I have. His original design was created when I was like 5 or 6 only as Jagwarrior part of a X-man-ish super hero team of Anthromorphic animals. [Yes apparently I was a furry at a small age and not even realize it...] as time went by and I became more aware of myself Jag also began to change. His outfit became less Norse-Mythology style heavy armor and more stylish leather. I also began playing with the idea of him being gay and somehow it kind of fit his character, I liked the idea of a feared superhero like Batman who's secretly a homosexual, plus I can act out more of my gay side with him.

Tiffany was originally based of female Trolls in WoW. I LOOOOOOOOOVE women in Mohawks and I admit I have a slight crush on Troll women in WoW due to both their hair styles and they're toned curvy body. So she originally came from that and took the Troll looks and put them on a human female's body then began tweaking the image. I really like accents so Tiffany was given a cockney accent and lives out in London, England. Honestly it only took about a day or two for Tiffany to be made, everything fell right into place for me when designing her.

Devlin is an idea of mine that started in during my Freshman Year of High School. It started out as my two friends and I as super powered versions of us, but then I lost contact with some of them and we all kind of drifted apart. I got in with a new group of friends and through them other groups of friends until finally I had a large network of people to work with and started my story in my Junior Year of High School and Devlin was created. Since then his character has gone through some changes, but he’s been fine tuned very well and I continue to work on him and his universe.

6 – Do you and your fursona share relationship status?
Jett is single and not looking. He's actually kind of asexual on the whole matter of finding a mate right now. While it's true he does get crushes on certain hot guys and isn't opposed to having some fun with a guy if the time presents itself however he's a superhero and thus has a lot more important things on his mind than just the needs of his penis.

Tiffany is also single and not looking, but she plays the field much more than Jett. She hits on a lot of people she meets and messes around with a lot of people, she's almost a swinger but she does have some morals in that she'll only actually have sex with people she's known for some time. But invite her to a party and give her a couple of beers and she'd most likely end up stripping and/or making out with a bunch of people.

Devlin is also single and currently looking at one of his partners, Cat. However I kind of have Devlin with a James Bond-ish attitude so he flirts with most women he sees but in the end always comes back to Cat.

7 – Do you find yourself jealous or upset if you get paired with someone you don’t like or your partner does?
I haven't had any one "paired up" with any of them. I probably wouldn't want Jett paired up with a woman since that goes against his character. Tiffany is more of a free spirit so she could be fair game, it just depends if I like them or not. Devlin I don’t want paired with any men.

8 – How would you like your character not to be used?
Like I said Jett is gay so any sexual contact with women would annoy me a bit. If I know the person really well then I wouldn't mind an out of character thing, but other then that I don't want him with women.

Tiffany... I don't know... none of the extreme Gore, Vore, Piss, scat, torture or stuff like that I don't want to have done to her. Tiffany has both a dominate and submissive side, but she also knows her limits and can defend herself when threatened. I'd have to see what the idea is before accepting it.

Devlin is straight so I don’t want anything gay, but I’d be open to out of character drawings if I like it. He’s also very dominate so submissive things would also urk me a bit.


9 – What’s your fursona’s specialty?
Jett becomes Jagwarrior at night or as I like to call it “Gay Batman”. He excels in unarmed combat and is handy with a bull whip that he keeps hooked to his side.

Tiffany is training to be a mage. She most works closely with fire magic but also knows standard CQC and weapons training.

Devlin’s power comes from his super speed and agility as well as his twin gold magnums that materialize from his coat sleeves.


10 – At a score of 1-10 how much are you and your fursona alike?

Jett is like… a 2 or something. I didn’t make Jett with myself in mind, but he is my fursona or at least as close as I’ll probably ever get to one.

Tiffany is about a 6 or 7. She has qualities that I’d never have [such as going out drinking a lot.] but she also has a lot of qualities I do possess or I wish I did possess. Tiffany is my inner persona, the person I almost wish I was. [Magic powers not withstanding, that’s just story stuff.]

Devlin is a 8 or 9. He IS me, a much more male oriented, psychotic, asshole-ish conservative me but it’s me nonetheless.

I thought this was amazing and hopefully true. There was a topic in the general forums about what was the cruelest thing you've done in WoW...

"i used to work at a call center for ISP tech support and there was this kid i HATED! well turns out a co-worker talked him into doing the refer a friend thing so he could get the mount. well, the co-worker hated the kid also<he was 19, but acted 12 so i call him kid> so i transferred my 70 rogue to his server<pvp server> and my co-worker would call me and tell me where they were questing and i would gank them every 5-10 minutes. my friend thought it was great and he was in vent with the kid and could hear him flipping out every time id kill him. i did this for about 2 months. well the kid somehow figured out that the rogue killing him all the time worked at the call center with him, so one day during lunch he started asking around. turns out about 20 people that worked with us played wow, but noone admitted to playing on his server. the kid starts flipping out and cussing at everyone. the boss comes in and tells him to take the rest of the day off to cool down. he logs on wow that night and i kill him a few times until he logs

the next day at work i decided to really mess with him, so while another co-worker was at lunch i hopped on his laptop and logged onto my rogue and left it logged in, sitting on his desk. the unsuspecting guy comes back from lunch to get sucker punched by the kid... well the kid didnt know he was a black belt and got the living crap kicked out of him.

he got arrested and fired that day

and to this day only one person in the office knows i was the rogue."

<3

From Coffee With Sargeras: http://www.cwsargeras.com/

***User "theLichKing" has entered the chat.***

[theLichKing]: Hey

[theLichKing]: Anyone there?

[theLichKing]: *drums fingers*

***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has entered the chat.***

[theLichKing]: Hey man.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: my liege

[theLichKing]: Listen, there's this thing I need you to do for me

[Kel’Thuz4d]: anything my liege

[Kel’Thuz4d]: what army must i lay to waste

[Kel’Thuz4d]: whose lands shall i decimate for ur glory

[theLichKing]: Um, yeah, I'm good on decimation for today. We're going to hold off on the decimation for, like, a week or so.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok?

[theLichKing]: I was thinking. How much trouble do you think it would be to have a thermostat installed in the Throne Room?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ...

[Kel’Thuz4d]: y?

[theLichKing]: It's really really cold in here.

[theLichKing]: I'm Lord of the Scourge. I think I should get a thermostat.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: no its a frozen throne

[theLichKing]: Right

[theLichKing]: See that's exactly what I'm talking about. The throne is frozen. The chair that I sit on all day? Literally a block of ice.

[theLichKing]: It is so very, very cold.

[theLichKing]: I actually cannot over-emphasize how cold I am on a daily basis.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: but its supposed to be frozen

[Kel’Thuz4d]: its the source of ur power

[theLichKing]: About that. Can I get my power transferred to some other source?

[theLichKing]: Something that isn't made out of ice that I then have to literally sit on?

[theLichKing]: Someone dropped the ball there.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok so like what should it be then

[Kel’Thuz4d]: like a ring?

[theLichKing]: A ring?

[theLichKing]: Seriously, a ring.

[theLichKing]: Do you _read_ history?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: so what then

[theLichKing]: I don't know. I'll think about it. Maybe an armoire.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: armor?

[theLichKing]: No, not armor. An armoire. The furniture.

[theLichKing]: Oh but speaking of armor

[theLichKing]: I have skulls on my kneecaps.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok?

[theLichKing]: No, it is _not_ okay.

[theLichKing]: I have skulls.

[theLichKing]: On my _kneecaps_.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: well for the thermostat i think u need approval from a supervisor

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ill just get kiljaeden in here and well sort it out

[theLichKing]: No!

[Kel’Thuz4d]: no its cool

[theLichKing]: No, don't...

[theLichKing]: Ugh, my old boss. I hate this guy.

[theLichKing]: Ok I'll just...I'll act casual. Like old times.

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***

[Killzone’jaeden]: This had better be important.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah lich king here just wants a warmer throne room is all

[Killzone’jaeden]: Warmer?

[theLichKing]: No it's really not necessary sir

[Killzone’jaeden]: You want a warmer throne room?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah

[theLichKing]: No

[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah he does

[theLichKing]: I really don't.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Ok sure let me just get right on that

[Killzone’jaeden]: I actually know these guys, they're really great, literally made out of fire

[Killzone’jaeden]: They could heat your room right up for you

[Killzone’jaeden]: They're called the Burning Legion...why don't I just invite them to Azeroth so they can come and

[Killzone’jaeden]: OH WAIT

[Killzone’jaeden]: Someone's too busy being Chatty Cathy to PREPARE HIS WORLD FOR AN APOCALYPSE

[theLichKing]: So sorry sir

[Kel’Thuz4d]: hey cmon though its not like weve just been sitting around

[Kel’Thuz4d]: were spreading plague and stuff

[Kel’Thuz4d]: we totally spread a lot of plague

[Kel’Thuz4d]: and dont forget the spider war

[theLichKing]: Actually I wouldn't mention that...

[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh yes. The "Spider War."

[Killzone’jaeden]: The "war" where you spent ten years getting rid

[Killzone’jaeden]: OF SPIDERS

[Killzone’jaeden]: Check it out, I had a Mosquito War last night. Mosquito lands on me, I squish it. Done. Two seconds.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Didn't take me ten years

[Killzone’jaeden]: BECAUSE I'M NOT AN IDIOT

[theLichKing]: Yes sir

[theLichKing]: Very sorry sir.

[theLichKing]: I'm on it.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Y'know what, you know who else might want to hear about this

[Killzone’jaeden]: Maybe I shold get Sargeras in here

[Kel’Thuz4d]: sure

[theLichKing]: NO! That's not necessary

[Killzone’jaeden]: Hold on I'll go get him.

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***

[theLichKing]: ARE YOU CRAZY

[theLichKing]: "Sure"? Do you know who Sargeras actually is??

[Kel’Thuz4d]: i think so hes alliance right

[theLichKing]: ...

[Kel’Thuz4d]: horde?

[theLichKing]: *headdesk*

***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***

[An00b’arak]: hay guise whats goin on in dis chat

[Kel’Thuz4d]: sup

[An00b’arak]: sup

[Kel’Thuz4d]: sup

[An00b’arak]: sup

[Kel’Thuz4d]: whaaaazzzzaaaaaap

[An00b’arak]: what are yoooooou doing

[theLichKing]: GUYS

[theLichKing]: SERIOUSLY

[An00b’arak]: whats his problem

[Kel’Thuz4d]: hes cold

[An00b’arak]: well yeah he sits on a frozen throne inside of icecrown glacier with a sword named frostmorn

[An00b’arak]: the name icecrown glacier can only imply that among glaciers, which are themselves made of ice, this one is especially icy

[An00b’arak]: its possible there is some coldness involved

[theLichKing]: _Thank_ you!

[theLichKing]: Ok, so install me a thermostat pl0x.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: uh boss ixnay on asking him to install stuff

[An00b’arak]: what is that supposed to mean??

[Kel’Thuz4d]: uh

[An00b’arak]: oh i get it

[An00b’arak]: bc im an arachnid?????

[An00b’arak]: and how could i possibly install a thermostat without thumbs

[An00b’arak]: racist

[Kel’Thuz4d]: no no no

[Kel’Thuz4d]: well ok yeah how would that actually work

[An00b’arak]: im sure i dont know...im just an arachnid

[An00b’arak]: guess what im not ashamed of what i am

[An00b’arak]: >8< spider pride

***User "An00b'arak" has left the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: thank god

***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: oh god

[An00b’arak]: im lodging a formal protest

[An00b’arak]: i am going to let every1 know the scourge is not an equal opportunity employer

[An00b’arak]: and i am being discriminated against due to race

[An00b’arak]: and species

[An00b’arak]: and phylum

[theLichKing]: Ok, look, there's no need to get upset

[An00b’arak]: omg

[An00b’arak]: dont apologize for him arthas

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***

[Killzone’jaeden]: Sargeras is logging on now.

[theLichKing]: Aw hell.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Precisely.

[theLichKing]: Listen, I wasn't complaining earlier, the temperature is fine...

[An00b’arak]: kiljaeden??

[Killzone’jaeden]: Excuse me, who is this? I'm *Lord* Jaeden to anybody that's not a Dreadlord.

[An00b’arak]: listen killy there is some phylumism going down in this piece

[Killzone’jaeden]: Killy? Oh you do want to die don't you.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Also does nobody capitalize anymore?!

[Killzone’jaeden]: I didn't spend seven aeons feasting on the souls of the righteous just so I could play typing games with the functionally illiterate.

[An00b’arak]: no im serious this is a real issue

[Killzone’jaeden]: *What* is a real issue?

[An00b’arak]: phylum

[An00b’arak]: ism

[Killzone’jaeden]: You best start talking some English

[Killzone’jaeden]: Where the hell is Sargeras?

[theLichKing]: Precisely.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Don't get cute.

[An00b’arak]: i am being discriminated against on the basis of my spinal condition

[Killzone’jaeden]: What is your spinal condition?

[An00b’arak]: i dont have 1

[Killzone’jaeden]: What?

[An00b’arak]: im an arachnid

[An00b’arak]: >8< spider power

[Killzone’jaeden]: Hey LK I thought you squished all of them already. You spent ten years on these morons and you didn't even finish the job?

[An00b’arak]: what

[theLichKing]: Yeah I reanimated him. I'm the Lich King, it's sort of what I do.

[Killzone’jaeden]: So you smashed a bunch of bugs

[Killzone’jaeden]: And then you were like,

[Killzone’jaeden]: "Huh! I sure would like to have those bugs back again!"

[Killzone’jaeden]: Is your brain frozen or what?

[theLichKing]: Ok that's kind of what I was getting at before.

[Killzone’jaeden]: That you're an idiot?

[An00b’arak]: ur horrible

[An00b’arak]: ur a phylumist

[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh no, I'm horrible. Why don't you go and tell all my demon friends how horrible I am. They will be shocked.

[An00b’arak]: phylumist phylumist phulymst phylimist

[An00b’arak]: that gets hard to type after a while though

***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "An00b'arak" from the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: thank god

***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: oh god

[Kel’Thuz4d]: go back to your hole

[theLichKing]: Yeah get out of here

[Killzone’jaeden]: Go back to your hole, spider

[An00b’arak]: p

[An00b’arak]: h

[An00b’arak]: y

[Kel’Thuz4d]: lolwut

[An00b’arak]: l

[An00b’arak]: u

[Killzone’jaeden]: Shut. Up.

[An00b’arak]: m

[Killzone’jaeden]: Dude get rid of this guy.

[An00b’arak]: i

***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "An00b'arak" from the chat.***

***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***

[An00b’arak]: sts

***User "An00b'arak" has left the chat.***

[Killzone’jaeden]: Finally

[Killzone’jaeden]: Where the hell is Sargeras

[theLichKing]: It's really not necessary, I withdraw my request completely.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: no he wants armor

[theLichKing]: An *armoire.*

[theLichKing]: Of power.

[Killzone’jaeden]: I cannot express how much I hate both of you.

[Killzone’jaeden]: And this is coming from someone whose lungs are made out of solidified hate.

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has entered the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: hey everyone ^_^

[theLichKing]: How did you get in here?!

[theLichKing]: This is a private chat!

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: lol :)

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: i hacked admin :)

***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "~*`Sylvanas'*~" from the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: lol lol lol

[Killzone’jaeden]: TIE fighters

[theLichKing]: What?

[Killzone’jaeden]: Nothing. Can't you kick her out?

[theLichKing]: I just tried

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: admin guys lol

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: :) ^___^

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: oh plus i can chat under ur names check this out

[theLichKing]: im a little girl and i like ponies lol

[theLichKing]: What! I hate ponies!

[Killzone’jaeden]: ROFLMAO

[Kel’Thuz4d]: she hax0red you dude

[theLichKing]: This isn't funny!

[theLichKing]: i play with dolls

[theLichKing]: and bake cookies with my mommy

[theLichKing]: Untrue! I deny everything

[Killzone’jaeden]: Hahaha

[theLichKing]: Ok guys this is lame let's just go to a different chat room

[Killzone’jaeden]: NO!

[Killzone’jaeden]: We're waiting for Sargeras!

[Killzone’jaeden]: It's next to impossible to get him into these things anyway

[Killzone’jaeden]: I'm not going to confuse him

[theLichKing]: im a little teapot short and stout

[Killzone’jaeden]: Besides this is hilarious

[Killzone’jaeden]: Sargeras is going to get here and you'll be singing about teapots...you'll get pwned

[Killzone’jaeden]: Maybe he'll buy you a "pwny"

[Killzone’jaeden]: Hahaha see what I did there

[Kel’Thuz4d]: i dont get it

[Kel’Thuz4d]: wait ok but thats dumb

[Killzone’jaeden]: Wordplay. Look it up.

[Killzone’jaeden]: i like to dress up like a girl

[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh now she's doing it to me too

[Killzone’jaeden]: i like to put on women's clothes

[Killzone’jaeden]: and pretend im a woman

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has left the chat.***

[Killzone’jaeden]: and look at myself in the mirror all pretty

[Killzone’jaeden]: and call myself the prettiest prettiest princess

[theLichKing]: Umm she's not here anymore

[theLichKing]: Are you just typing that stuff yourself?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ...

[theLichKing]: ...

[Killzone’jaeden]: ...

[Killzone’jaeden]: WHERE THE HELL IS SARGERAS

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has entered the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: heeeeeee~

[Kel’Thuz4d]: omg wtf this sux

[Kel’Thuz4d]: i have a dungeon to run

[Kel’Thuz4d]: pcs are going to be like raiding me and shiz

[theLichKing]: Oh please. The expansion is called "Wrath of the Lich King." It's got my _name_ in it. You don't think a few guilds are going to be farming me as soon as I'm a fightable boss?

[theLichKing]: probably not because i suck so much

[theLichKing]: DAMMIT SYLVANAS

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok and now my cat is 8fwhwe8ufhffweeexvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

[Kel’Thuz4d]: walking on my keyboard

[Kel’Thuz4d]: hold on afk

[theLichKing]: You have a cat?

[theLichKing]: Seriously?

[theLichKing]: You're a freaking skeleton lord. Why do you have a cat?

[Killzone’jaeden]: Yeah why *do* you have a cat?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: back, had to put the cat out

[Kel’Thuz4d]: and ok

[Kel’Thuz4d]: two things

[Kel’Thuz4d]: first, cats are awesome

[Kel’Thuz4d]: second, RACISM??

[Kel’Thuz4d]: "freaking skeleton lord"

[Killzone’jaeden]: WTF is wrong with you people?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: hey! what do you mean..."you people"

[Killzone’jaeden]: What do YOU mean, "you people"?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: hahahaha

[Killzone’jaeden]: Hahahaha...Tropic Thunder, great movie.

[Killzone’jaeden]: i like to poop

[theLichKing]: ...

[Killzone’jaeden]: Ok that one I actually did not say, that was Sylvanas that time

[theLichKing]: ...

[Killzone’jaeden]: No seriously this time it was her

[Kel’Thuz4d]: "this time"?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: wait so u really do like to wear womens clothes

[theLichKing]: You are, in fact, the prettiest prettiest princess?

[Killzone’jaeden]: No, of course not

[Kel’Thuz4d]: do u have a panty drawer

[Killzone’jaeden]: No! I wear boxers. With thorns on them.

[Killzone’jaeden]: And skulls.

[theLichKing]: Ok were the skulls on the kneecaps YOUR idea then??

[Killzone’jaeden]: Wait what?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah dont change the subject

***User "SARGERAS" has entered the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: I WILL CONSUME ALL HTE WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[SARGERAS]: I AM INVINICBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: I AM HTE DARK TITAN!!!111111!1!

[Killzone’jaeden]: oh god

[SARGERAS]: I WILL CONSUM ALL TEH WORLDS!!!!!1!!!!!!

[theLichKing]: You actually said that already

[Killzone’jaeden]: He spelled it different though.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Dark Lord, there is an issue we need you to resolve

[SARGERAS]: NOTHING CAN DEFET ME BECUASE I AM DEFEAT EVERONE!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: I AM SARGERAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: TEH DARK TIT AN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Killzone’jaeden]: Right

[Killzone’jaeden]: But what we're going for is

[theLichKing]: Yeah I'm confident he'll be able to resolve this

[Killzone’jaeden]: The Lich King has this complaint...

[SARGERAS]: I AM DESTORYING ALL WORLDS RIGT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: i wear little pink girly panties

[Kel’Thuz4d]: omg

[SARGERAS]: WHATTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[theLichKing]: hahahahaha

[Kel’Thuz4d]: pwned

[SARGERAS]: I DID NTO SAY THAT!11111111111111111111

[Kel’Thuz4d]: i dunno about you guys but im kinda turned on right now

[theLichKing]: Rule 34

[SARGERAS]: yeah, you like that, there's more where that came from

[SARGERAS]: *twirls hair seductively*

[SARGERAS]: I DID NOT SYA THAT EITHERR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: I WILL DESTROY ALL TEH WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: !

[Kel’Thuz4d]: *dies laughing*

[Killzone’jaeden]: Ok I'm done

[Killzone’jaeden]: F this

[Killzone’jaeden]: I'm outta here

[Killzone’jaeden]: I hate Azeroth

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: aw dont go :)

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: byeee~

[SARGERAS]: I USE SUPER ULTIMATE ATTACK FOR EIGHT MILLION POINS!!!!11

[theLichKing]: Hey I think he spelled all the words right in that one

[Kel’Thuz4d]: missed a t

[theLichKing]: Aw, yeah

[theLichKing]: So close

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has left the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok im out too

[theLichKing]: Ugh fine

[theLichKing]: TTYL

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ttyl

***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has left the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: GAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

[theLichKing]: This is the worst chat ever.

[theLichKing]: The worst.

[theLichKing]: The worst.

[theLichKing]: Whatevs, titan dude. I'm done.

[theLichKing]: Still freezing my ass off though.

[theLichKing]: *wrath*

***User "theLichKing" has left the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: *looks around*

[SARGERAS]: Chat empty?

[SARGERAS]: ...

[SARGERAS]: I have eaten

[SARGERAS]: the plums

[SARGERAS]: that were in

[SARGERAS]: the icebox

[SARGERAS]: and which

[SARGERAS]: you were probably

[SARGERAS]: saving

[SARGERAS]: for breakfast

[SARGERAS]: Forgive me

[SARGERAS]: they were delicious

[SARGERAS]: so sweet

[SARGERAS]: and so cold

[SARGERAS]:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gr4QBZfjtqs

This could quite possibly be the best cartoon ever made... I mean... what the fuck? >.>


Edit- Now with English Subtitles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOAPKxqutv8

http://www.traileraddict.com/traile.....nemies/trailer

Public Enemies is a movie directed by Michael Mann about the story of John Dillinger a famous bank robber in Depression era 1930s. The movie stars two of my favorite actors, Johnny Depp and Christian Bale.

Looks awesome.

I love this list. Mainly because in a story I'm writing I have a character named Arken who's based off a friend of mine and I can picture him writing a list somewhat similar to this:

1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I'm supposed to be working.

2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess
Anastasia'.

3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.

4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by
asking for hair.

5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.

6. Not allowed to play 'Pulp Fiction' with a suction-cup dart pistol
and any officer.

7. Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end
of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War
Criminal posters.

9. Not allowed to title any product 'Get Over it'.

10. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on Government time.

11. Not allowed to join the communist party.

12. Not allowed to join any militia.

13. Not allowed to form any militia.

14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.

15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to 'Sic Brass!'

16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like
powers'.

17. God may not contradict any of my orders.

18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous 'Barbie Girl Dance' while
on duty.

19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime,
even if I'm right.

20. Must not taunt the French any more.

21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.

22. Must never call an SAS a 'Wanker'.

23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking
crack.

24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are,
especially if it's true.

25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.

26. Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your ass in World War
2!'

27. Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British
Airborne).

28. Don't take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks
(Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).

29. The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.

30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly
banging on the head with a bag of trash.

31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my
actions.

32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.

33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for
everybody.

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did*
bring enough for everybody.

35. Not allowed to sing 'High Speed Dirt' by Megadeth during airborne
operations. ('See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black
death, I'm off to meet my maker')

36. Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American
War isn't over).

37. Our medic is called 'Sgt Larwasa', not 'Dr. Feelgood'.

38. Our supply Sgt is 'Sgt Watkins' not 'Sugar Daddy'.

39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on
the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.

40. I do not have super-powers.

41. 'Keep on Trucking' is *not* a psychological warfare message.

42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in
recruitment posters.

43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

44. I am not the atheist chaplain.

45. I am not allowed to 'Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddies
little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies'.

46. I am not authorized to fire officers.

47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser
states.

48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw
in a command decision.

49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for 'magic beans'.

50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.

51. Not allowed to quote 'Dr Seuss' on military operations.

52. Not allowed to yell 'Take that Cobra' at the rifle range.

53. Not allowed to quote 'Full Metal Jacket ' at the rifle range.

54. 'Napalm sticks to kids' is *not* a motivational phrase.

55. An order to 'Put Kiwi on my boots' does *not* involve fruit.

56. An order to 'Make my Boots black and shiny' does not involve
electrical tape.

57. The proper response to a lawful order is not 'Why?'

58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence-
Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and
wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all
Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean
hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any
references to squid.

59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my
chain of command.

60. 'The Giant Space Ants' are not at the top of my chain of command.

61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4
on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean 'I have been promoted
three more times than you'.

62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer
applies to Specialist Schwarz.

63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.

64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.

65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

66. There is no 'Anti-Mime' campaign in Bosnia.

67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.

68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to 'Block out the space
mind control lasers'.

69. May not pretend to be a facist stormtrooper, while on duty.

70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.

71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.

72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.

73. No military functions are to be performed 'Skyclad'.

74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.

75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.

76. "Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence.

77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I
should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these
are not the droids you are looking for."

78. I may not call block my chain of command.

79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.

80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.

81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.

82. May not form any press gangs.

83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had
an experience I just had to write you about...."

84. Must not use military vehicles to 'Squish' things.

85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting
the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.

86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the 'field of
honor'.

87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15
seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as 'Mom'.

89. Must not refer to the Commander as 'Dad'.

90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room
inspection.

91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.

92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony 'Romper
Bomper Stomper Boo' is probably not appropriate.

93. Nerve gas is not funny.

94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.

95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.

96. 'Redneck Zombies' is not a military training aid.

97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.

98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not 'Tell my
chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in
their masks.'

99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong
to tell new soldiers that they are.

101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.

102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors,
even if they are "casualties of war".

103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war,
and I should stop implying that he did.

104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a 'Cool Mint' Listerine® bottle
is not a good combination.

105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.

106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes,
booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small
children, or bootleg CD's.

107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.

108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really
fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.

109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.

110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about
anything.

111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian
Armored vehicles.

112. When saluting a 'leg' officer, an appropriate greeting is not
"Airborne leads the wa- oh...sorry sir".

113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from 'Full
Monty' every time I hear the song "Hot Stuff".

114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.

115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks
me.

116. Crucifying mice - bad idea.

117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.

118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore
it is wrong to dance naked around them.

119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.

120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest
off color joke.

121. I should not use government resources to 'waterproof' dirty
magazines.

122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.

123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude
things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say
potentially useful phrases.

124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.

126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I
like.

127. 'No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages' does not imply that a Jack
Daniel's ® IV is acceptable.

128. "Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.

129. The Microsoft ® 'Dancing Paperclip' is not authorized to
countermand any orders.

130. 'I'm drunk' is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.

131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction
with rule #113.

132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.

133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.

134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the
soundtrack to a porno movie.

135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.

136. Shouting 'Let's do the village! Let's do the whole fucking
village!' while out on a mission is bad.

137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian
uniform, messily drunk.

138. Even if my commander did it.

139. Must not teach interpreters how to make "MRE" bombs.

140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.

141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove 'The Pen is Mightier
than the sword'.

142. 'Calvin-Ball' is not authorized PT.

143. I do not need to keep a 'range card' by my window.

144. 'K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free' is not an authorized
uniform.

145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a
urine test.

146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream
during the same.

147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.

148. Putting red 'Mike and Ike's' ® into a prescription medicine
bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.

149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.

150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.

151. The proper way to report to my Commander is 'Specialist Schwarz,
reporting as ordered, Sir' not 'You can't prove a thing!'

152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of
grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or
Chem-Light ® batteries.

153. I should not assign new privates to 'guard the flight line'.

154. Shouldn't treat 'piss-bottles' with extra-strength icy hot.

155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.

156. I will no longer perform 'lap-dances' while in uniform.

157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it
still counts.

158. The revolution is not now.

159. When detained by MP's, I do not have a right to a strip search.

160. No part of the military uniform is edible.

161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.

162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.

163. Take that hat off.

164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.

165. I do not get 'that time of month'.

166. No, the pants are not optional.

167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.

168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.

169. Not even if they *are* 'especially patriotic films'

170. Not allowed to 'defect' to OPFOR during training missions.

171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General's
helicopter.

172. 'A full magazine and some privacy' is not the way to help a
potential suicide.

173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.

174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas.

175. We do not 'charge into battle, naked, like the Celts'.

176. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not
need to be brought into the office.

177. I am not to refer to a formation as 'the boxy rectangle thingie'.

178. I am not 'A lesbian trapped in a man's body'.

179. On Army documents, my race is not 'Other'.

180. Nor is it 'Secretariat, in the third'.

181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.

182. There is no FM for 'wall-to-wall counseling'.

183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to
hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ®

184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something
'I saw in a cartoon'.

185. My name is not a killing word.

186. I am not the Emperor of anything.

187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal,
with cigarettes.

188. May not challenge officers to 'Meet me on the field of honor, at
dawn'.

189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.

190. Must not make s'mores while on guard duty.

191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.

192. The proper response to a briefing is not 'That's what you think'.

193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.

194. Shouldn't take incriminating photos of my chain of command.

195. Shouldn't use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my
chain of command.

196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.

197. I am not allowed to sing 'Henry the VIII I am' until verse 68
ever again.

198. Not allowed to lead a 'Coup' during training missions.

199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.

200. My chain of command is not interested in why I 'just happen' to
have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back
of my car.

201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the
squad.

202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance"
and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.

203. 'To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad
long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.

204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of
the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."

205. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch
pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor
emits loud whine when engaged")

206. Not allowed to get shot.

207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant.

208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civlians
who are "hearing conversations" from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to
the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.

209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*.

210. Must not make T-shirts up depciting a pig with the writing "Eat
Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to
deploy to a primarily Muslim country.

211. Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.

212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a
security clearance that I don't have, even if the Army tells me
repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.

213. Do not convince NCO's that their razorbumps are the result of
microscopic parasites