I know I haven't been on here in a VERY long time, but I randomly came across a video that was taken back at Oklacon 2010... My first furry convention. It was one of the best experiences that I have had so far on this earth, with a few exceptions of course... Although it is good to think back on the past, I find myself too focused on it sometimes.

I have been through a lot over the past 10 years... I got divorced... long story there... Been homeless... again long story... and traveled the country in a semi-truck with one of my closest friends, although at the time of the traveling, we were dating...

I have also noticed that I REALLY suck at keeping contact with friends. My phone number has changed a lot over the years, I have moved around more than I would have liked, but at the end of the day... despite everything that has happened to me... I wouldn't change a thing..... except 2...

1 Keeping in contact with my friends better. Something that I still struggle with cause I don't wanna feel like I am interrupting their daily lives just to talk to me... (I think of others more than I think of myself most of the time... That and I have VERY low self-esteem... but that is an issue to be discussed at another time.

2 I would have started up a YouTube channel a lot sooner than I did... I would have done anything to just upload video game-related videos... Who knows that may have helped with my self-esteem issue... but downside to that is nasty comments...

But I digress... I am back and if you message... I will do what I can to message back.

Laters for now

Digi25

Just read about this myself and I wanted to help spread the word so that may be he can get some help.

Here's the link....

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:43373581

Please spread the word and help him out if you can. Thank you.

I've been really good recently until this past Friday when I received a call out of the blue from my ex-boyfriend... He and I are still friends, but he lives in Nebraska and I'm in New Mexico... In any case, he starts talking and I realize that he's crying... Keep in mind that we had been going out for years... Even though we broke up... he and I are close...

Sorry getting off track... my mind is going a million miles a minute and my hands are having an issue keeping up...

In any case... He's on the phone with me crying, so I asked him what was wrong, since he had found a girl that he really likes and they are wanting to take things really slow as to not mess up their future relationship, I thought that may be she had broken his heart... at least that is the first thing that came to my mind.... I was wrong... He called me because he had found out that his grandmother had passed on. I felt like crap after he had told me that.... but what made it worse is the fact that he couldn't think of anyone else to call when he did call me... It honestly felt like a dagger to the heart... I loved him and thought that we could still be close after everything that he and I had been through... but I sucked it up and was there for him in his time of need... I did my best to calm him down until he got to his destination of his parents place. (yes he was talking to me on the phone and driving, and crying on top of that... I even asked him to pull over so he and I could talk, but he refused) I did manage to cheer him up enough to stop crying over the phone at least...

I found out day before yesterday that he was gonna be in town and to be honest I didn't know what to think... So currently he is in town and I offered to be there for him and to be honest... it feels as though he is blowing me off.... I know that this is a difficult time for him and I have done nothing but be a shoulder for him to cry on... I just don't know what to do... I feel so confused and lost inside... I want him to be alright and I know from personal experience that things like this take time... I just want to be there for him...

I don't know... may be I'm just taking this a little too personal, but then again he posted on Facebook something that got me wondering... it was a picture that said the following...

"Cutting people out of your life doesn't mean that you hate them, it simply means that you respect yourself. Not everyone is meant to stay."

I honestly don't know what to make of this.... it seems like he is pushing me away and he is one of those guys that is awesome to hang out with... he has his issues, but don't we all?

What do you make of this situation?... I honestly don't know....

I've been dealing with a lot of drama recently and that's why I haven't posted on here in forever. I moved out to Nebraska about a year ago and came back to New Mexico a little less than a month ago... It has been a wild ride and I hope to finally get some peace and quiet for a change... I've recently come to the realization that I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I have a doctors appointment to get a general check up, so I'll ask what to do about that. I lost a very close friend over something stupid... something incredibly stupid (something that I don't really want to talk about at the moemnt)... and she refuses to talk to me any more.... In any case... I'm back on FA and I hope to stay here for a while. -^_^-

I am hoping that this year will be better than past years in my life... Granted last year was tough, but I am wanting to make this next year a good one. One of the reasons I am writing this is to know how your holiday season was and what you are expecting for this next year. I personally would like to lose a bit of weight, FINALLY FIND A JOB, and get certain aspects of my life taken care of. In any case I can't wait to get come comments on here and see what you have to say ^_^

I just wanted to say this and I hope that everyone that I know gets to read this..... *clears throat and takes in a deep breath* MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! I hope that all your holiday wishes come true and I hope that this coming year will be better than this last one ^_^ This year has been a rough one and I hope that this next year will be a breeze. I know more than likely it's not gonna be easy.... but one can hope right? lol

Keep in mind that I am drinking at the moment, so hopefully I will make sense lol. I'm kinda depressed at the moment cause of certain situations that I can't really discuss on here.... Except for one.... My marriage.... It's a bit of an odd situation that happened about a year ago and it's started with a conversation that I had when my husband called me about 6 months before.... I was talking to him and he had asked me a hypothetical question. What would you do if I became female? I am bi, but I just didn't know what I was gonna do if he were to do something like that. In any case I went ahead and found out that he had taken female hormones to grow breasts. When I found this out I didn't know what to think.... What was worse was I had found out when he came to visit me for my birthday. I had asked a friend of mine to go ahead and give me a ride there and the first thing that I was drawn to were his B sized breasts. O.O I had to admit that I didn't know what to think and the like. The kicker of this story is the fact that he is in the US Navy.

I don't know why I even thought of it around this time of year, but it's true. I do have to admit that with the exception of like 1-3 years of my life I haven't had a good Christmas. One thing or another has come up and ruined it, but go figure. I've had a rough life and I'm been through hell and back, but there is one thing that keeps me going. My friends. I am thankful for them and I do want to thank you all for cheering me up when I'm down and helping me out when I needed it.

I just found out today that one of my friends' neighbors doesn't like furries... he seems like a cool enough, except for that fact... go figure though.. Just another fact of life. On top of this fact, i also found out that the same guy has a crush on me.... LOL... another fact of life I guess. LOL. What is everyone's opinion on this?