So whenever new submissions come in, I see they are blurred. I also checked on my desktop and same thing.

Is anyone else experiencing this?

So I tried to upload from my iPad and I get the prompt to choose a source image. However, when I do it doesn’t actually select it. Is anyone else getting this error or whatever?

I now turn 37. I’m getting old 😅

Also in some gaming news:

Gigantic is coming back!
https://youtu.be/WvKqQr6ePRc?si=DlOOVzUTdhZm02eR

I dont typically write these sort of journals, but thank you for being patient with my work. I know im not the fastest, most popular (not that THAT matters 😒), or most efficient when it comes to my work, but i do put in an honest effort into each piece. I try the best with what i have and despite my perfectionism, i continue to push through. One day i may be more faster, but i can only take in so much at a time. Having that said, thanks for being patient with me.

Yup, i got it last Thursday on our departure day from California (semi vacation but mostly a wedding and Napa Valley trip). Started with a phlegm-y throat and cough.

Fast forward to today, i am better, but still quite icky. I'll probably be better by next week. Thankfully its quite mild. I have mild symptoms of a light cold basically.

oh and my dad now has it .

so im still working on the 'aurora' picture, but very slwoly now.

How to create a fucking aurora borealis on PS and/or ibisPaint?

I’m at my wits end here. I just cannot seem to find a good tutorial...

Ok, IF there’s anyone out there that reads this, I need some help on an issue that has my anxiety all riled up.

It happened about last Monday night...Or Tuesday night. I was playing TF2 and noticed I had more lags and rubber banding effects. It’s irritating me.

However I tried a little experiment:

I minimized the game window and looked at the internet connection icon on the task bar. When the game lagged I noticed the icon changed as soon as the game lagged. What happened is that somehow the Ethernet cable keeps disconnecting and reconnecting between WiFi and the wired Ethernet access.

This happened a while ago, but turns out I had an Ethernet cable that was loose and was easily solved. So this time I checked to see if the connection was loose. Nope. It’s has a solid physical connection.

So what the hell is wrong with the Ethernet cable? IF this is the case, why is It only affecting tf2 and not any other online source?

Please I really need help.

Also, I thought about in/reinstalling TF2 but I’m not sure if it’ll keep the servers I’ve saved. Will I lose my saved servers and items?

UPDATE: ok so I did a speed test on the optimum site and it seems our speed is underperforming for a 300mb rate. I don’t think this is it but something to take note of.

So again I ask, if it is the connection, why is it only affecting TF2 and not other games? I can play Warframe just fine.

Do you guys mind at all that I post WIP pieces and/or progression pieces?

Is that something you like seeing?

Do you guys mind that I post WIP pieces and/or progression pieces?

a friend is selling her fursona:

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37.....GmPvmDgMdVNgtM

check out her page  Dreechoames for more details.

Have you ever heard of and/or looked into ketamine treatment?
Not the street variant, but rather medical ketamine.

If you've heard about it, what are your thoughts and such?

my will to live on is fading.

i get slightly shaky, i get anxious and/or angry around evening time.

Im doing the best i can to ....'wait'. But my patience has hit 'empty'.

my parents, therapists and i are helping with sevveral paths.

Hypnosis (again...)
medical marijuana (i need to wait 2 weeks before shit starts to happen....fuck me)
holotropic breathwork (my psychologists keeps finding practitioners who do event groups only....dicks)


and still as a last ditch resort...mushrooms.

i dont think i will last another year if this keeps up.

im going to st.maarten in december ...well i hope to. and i want to enjoy the holidays again.

I have all but 1% fight in me. I feel absolutely lazy and dont feel like doing anything or eating (not completely) anymore. i have this annoying compulsion nervous tic where i push out my stomach that wont go away.

I have to force myself though because it...i dont know why im doing it.

So....yeah. Im just at wit's end. Dont know what to do anymore. Im always stressed, anxious and/or angry.

ok bye

FINALLY burnt out

There is NO MORE joy in creating art anymore.

I can hardly bring myself to open up the app and work on ...whatever it is im working on.

I just dont care anymore.

~~~~~~

I'll come back eventually... i hope.

If not...i will make the decision of not coming back here. THere will be no point.

if i do come back...my skill will be stronger and joy in making art will return etc, whatever.

So...im done.

For now. Later

Still can’t fucking fall asleep when I want to....

No matter what I try, nothing works. Nothing.....

It’s been like this for about a month. My whole goddamn sleep schedule has been thown off because of one fucking little incident.

My normal schedule was I stop everything around 2:45am, meditate For about 10 mins, then bedtime. I wake up around 5am, have breakfast, then go back to sleep until 12:30.

I don’t need to hear shit about my schedule. It’s worked for me in the past, so no discussing it.

One night I was drawing an armor piece. I was trying to draw the back view of a helmet. I couldn’t get it to look right. I’ve been working on it for hours. Still couldn’t get the damn thing the way I wanted it too. I stayed up until 4am because I neeDed sleep. Unfortunately I was pretty angry because I wanted that particular piece done. So I dint get to sleep around my first half. Fine. No biggie. I had food, then went back to sleep soundly. I think.

Next night, I couldn’t fall asleep. Mind you, I already finished the helmet and it was done correctly. My mind wouldn’t let me sleep for some reason. What the HELL is going on? It takes me over 30mins-2 goddamn hours to fall asleep my first half. IF I’m lucky....second half it used to be fine, now that’s getting messed up. If something goes wrong just for one night, my mind goes apeshit over it

Ever since that goddamn night, my sleep schedule was just thrown off. Things don’t just happen all of a sudden.

I can sleep soundly once I am asleep. But I cannot FALL asleep quickly.

I figure it’s my brain worrying about if I’m going to fall asleep quickly. I’ve done everything to try to calm it down without jabbing a pencil in it. I can distract myself.... it once I hit the bed, my worries start right back up again. So all those distractions are pretty much pointless.

I’ve tried reading, melatonin (still doing that;now differently), chamomile tea, meditation (cant really meditate when your mind is in a constant “irritated” mode), breathing, playing with the 3ds (yes sometimes playing with it makes me sleepy).

Nope. Doesn’t help....my mind is too worried and I don’t know how to shut it up. There is kava root shit but I don’t want to use it just yet...especially if it costs 30$. Or get addicted to sleeping pills....

I just want to cry, scream, throw a tantrum. Sure it may not seem like a big thing for you guys but it is, Ok?

I just want things to go back to normal....


Someone kill me please....

seeing as im not doing all too well still, although it has lessened, i do have a question for anyone here:

has anyone done shrooms or any other psychedelic?

what was your experience? did you have any plans while going in? did you have a certain end goal in mind? etc etc

lately my whole sleep pattern has been thrown off due to one fucking night...

i was working on a piece and i couldn't get a back view of a helmet right. i kept on trying over and over and over and it was royally pissing me off. I stayed up till 4am.

now i can't get back to fucking sleep without lying in bed for 30mins-2hrs before sleeping.

I go to bed at 3-3:30, get up at 5, have breakfast, go back to sleep until 12:30.

and that's thrown off since that night. dont know why....ive had this situation before...why would it just shit on me NOW.

its been 3 weeks now. yeah sure i lose about an 1.5 hrs of sleep but to me thats important. get it?

now its affecting my mood and shit

im feeling less and less each day.

i dont feel like eating anymore except junk food...
i dont want to go workout anymore
i dont want to do my simple chores
i dont feel like talking (verbally) anymore
i dont want to go out with my folks anymore
i dont want to even draw anymore. meaning no more concept work (not that anyone was even remotely interested...)
i dont even want to game anymore...
im always angry, irritated at the LITTLEST thing. i just want to throttle someone or break things, throw a fit. But i have no outlet....

why cant things just go back to the way they were...god kill me

im trying this "sleep hygiene" shit...dont know if its working. Its supposed to get me back into my normal sleeping pattern. I got 5 hrs sleep today. im not having any hope that this'll help me.

Turning 31

Trust me kiddos, things start to go downhill at 30.

but well...you know...

*sigh*

have to do everything myself

Please visit my friends twitch channel. She needs support like all you artists do.

Twitch.tv/torihanabi
http://Ko-fi.com/torihanabi

She needs to live guys. Just like all you do. She doesn't do furry art, but does a lot of other stuff. Check it out

shes not on now, but....well. whenever you get the chance.

Oh! it would be awesome if you could pass this note around. She needs all the help she can get. Thanks

Why?

1) no one cares
2) even art is stressing the fuck outta me...
3) my armor designs are all I do anymore. Nothing furry or shit
4) I'm starting to lose interest in art altogether...
5) I feel like I let everyone down
6) I feel like I let myself down more
7) the spark in me is but an ember....nothing. Nothing left......

And you know what the terrifying part is...

I don't care anymore....I have nothing left. Art is....was a big part of my life.

I'm....done....

So...I'll upload one final picture....after that...I won't be posting anything anymore. I just can't draw anymore....

Please don't tell me to take a break....that's what I've been doing since I graduated from art school...those armor designs were the break...but now I've hit my limit.

Feel free to unwatch me...

So does anyone here play Gigantic?

It's a new and really fun MOBA that is fast and keeps you moving.
It has a similar objective of capture the point, but those are more like assist points where you can summon a creature to aid you in battle and give power to your Guardian. So it took the capture the point feature to a next level. Nothing groundbreaking duh.

It's a 5vs5 team battle like Paladins. although, it's function of using teamwork is a bit more needed in this game, because you can get swarmed EASILY if you're not careful. Each character has their own, I guess, speciality in which they accel at. You can flank, or be a damage dealer, but again, if you're not careful, you will get swarmed. It's sort of like TF2, Paladins and OW, but iits a bit more quicker and need to be on guard. Playing from a few battles, everyone likes to spread out and then group up. Try to stay with a teammate rather than go solo

I'm curious as to how animators keep their lines so consistent, fluid, and clean.

Anyone know how this is done?

I've been doing a little thinking about my association with this site.

I don't know what I've been feeling lately. But as of lately I've been thinking of what I'm doing here in furaffinity. I know I'm not doing furry artwork and such, and I guess that irritates some people. I wish I could but I just do not have any confidence, motivation, or drive to do anything really. I cant even doodle without my mind and body stressing out to a point where I just want to quit. It saddens me very deeply to where I guess one could cry.

I will come back to full fledged art pieces but....not now.

I wish I could explain this better to you folks. I hope many of you understand.

This isn't easy as it is just taxing on my mind as well as my spirit. There's many other factors as well, but won't go into it.

I have so much ambition and intent in me.

However in my current mindset, I'm not sure I belong here anymore.
Sure only about a drop of people enjoy my armor works, and that's enjoyable to some extent. But I just dont feel like I'm needed. It saddens, frustrates, and annoys me to know that people can't appreciate more simpler and also extreme detailed non sexualized art. I'd like to say more but I'm afraid I would only upset people and engage in some non intelligent conversations. I see it more on a psychological level.

Anyways, I'm still debating if I should just leave this site. Not deactivate or just up and delete everything, but rather just not check it anymore.

I am in the progress of doing something to help me though. I can only hope it can break through my own limits.

My room gets quite humid in the spring and summer days. It gets me irritable and cranky.

Is there anyone watching me have any knowledge on great quality yet cheap ac units that actually COOL the room instead of circulating air like all fans do?

No window units or fans please

Ps. I'm still alive

I am now level 30

BUY ME SHIT!!!