I'm no poet.. but I do love to try to describe how I feel.. here it goes <3

Picked on as a child I grew a shell .. to protect me. You know. That old chestnut ~_o. as I grew older and smarter.. my thought's were very introverted. I kept my thought's to myself of fear I would be cast out from what ever group I was in. My little caccoon. I slowly put together who I am by myself in a small little area. I kept my life enclosed. I did not reach out til I was ready.

Well.. I'm ready..

This once tortured, stepped on, ripped apart, Caterpillar .. is now I beautiful butterfly.

It's a full moon tonight ..
My self-acceptance has just been out of reach for so long and now I have it. I actually have it. I accept myself. I'm still trying to believe it myself. All the self hate is gone as of this moment. It may come back but I know I'll be able to get back on top with ease. I feel my fight is over.. the fight I started with myself when I was 12 that never really had an end in sight. Till now. I know I posts Journals like this a lot, but my life just keep's getting more and more clarity from the once blurriness.

Those who helped me.. or were somehow involved with me becoming happy.. you know who you are.. if your not sure.. you probably helped more then I could even tell you and I am eternally grateful <3

Anyway .. I really hope I can get some more artwork up soon .. I've actually met some other fur's who want me to hang out with them and such.. be nice to have other's to draw with.

I love you all so very much... I am crying right now out of such sweet release of this burden of self-hate

I don't know what else to say .. But next time I see you I'll say it in hugs.. how about that <3

Forgive me for filling one of these out. Sharing is caring XD

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE
- Name: Nick
- Eye color: Very dark brown, can only see my pin-prick pupil very close
- Hair style/colour: Short/Midnight Blue
- Height: 5'5" (I'm small and proud of it!)
- Clothing style: From goth to stylish collared shirts to fancy blazers
- Best physical feature: My figure? though I'm told my eyes are amazing

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE
- Your fears: Abandonment
- Your guilty pleasure: Painkillers
- Your biggest pet peeve: Not taking responsibility for your life
- Your ambitions for the future: To be everything that I am

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS
- Your first thoughts waking up: 5 more minutes
- What you think about most: How can I help?
- What you think about before bed: Did I make this day count
- You think your best quality is: My loving nature

LAYER FOUR: WHAT'S BETTER?
- Single or group dates: single.
- To be loved or respected: To be respected. I've been loved without respect.. I don't call that love
- Beauty or brains: Some of my friends have the most beautiful souls.. without any brains at all
- Dogs or cats: I had a cat that was like a dog.. I loved him sooo much. Though I'd say dogs he was an exception :)

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
- Lie: Rarely
- Believe in yourself: I do now
- Believe in love: More then you'll ever know
- Want someone: I'm looking for you <3

LAYER SIX: EVER?
- Been on stage: Yes
- Done drugs: At one time, profusely
- Changed who you were to fit in: I'd rather be alone and I was for a while

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES
- Favorite color: Blue
- Favorite animal: Wolves
- Favorite movie: Fear and loathing in Las Vegas
- Favorite game: Any Metal Gear Solid

LAYER EIGHT: AGE
- Day your next birthday you will be: December
- How old will you be: 23
- Age you lost your virginity: 18... Lost it to my best friend whom I still love with all my heart <3
- Does age matter: It can.

LAYER NINE: IN A BOY OR GIRL
- Best personality: Playful and spiritual
- Best eye color: Blue (it makes me giggly)
- Best hair color: I like Purple :P
- Best thing to do with a partner: Moonlight walks in the forest.

LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE
- I love: being alive!
- I feel: the need to express myself
- I hide: my feelings about them
- I miss: you that are not with me
- I wish: to see you each again <3

LAYER ELEVEN: I TAG
- Who do you tag?: No one

I spent a lot of my life hiding thing's in a box of who I really am.. I remember more and more about myself as the day's go by.. I've totally forgotten about my Dark romantic side.. so I'll be working on some dark pieces to see what happens.. I think it will help me out with my whole self-preservation mind set.. or lack there off .. I don't hate my life.. I don't hate the world.. I just feel tired.. worn out.. and I wanna just sleep forever.. but there will be time for that WHEN I'm dead .. I'm not dead yet and I have to remind myself of that constantly .. I've died once already and I have to be almost violent against that memory to push myself onward.

As much as I want to give up.. Death tried to take me once and as much as I thought I would have gone with her.. I was wrong.. I fought her evil clutches from dusk till dawn.. Blood, Demons, and myself.

I'm not dramatic.. I was just a stupid kid with drug dealers and money to spend.

Don't do dangerous drugs .. They'll fuck you up

LOVE YOU <3

When I was a kid I played those logic adventure games.. you solved the puzzle for a way out. There was always a way out.
Same goes life.. except I think I'm missing a few key pieces. For the past 5 days I've had a massive headache. It started from a heat stroke.. but now all I see and feel in my head is trying to jam to jigsaw pieces so hard yet they won't fit.
It hurts.. I've tried all of it to numb the pain.. Drugs, Distraction,.. Cutting out early.

But I'm always missing something.. Maybe this life I'll find what it is.

I've never really considered myself a full fledged furry. I'm in a rather sharing mood right now so I thought I'd voice a few thoughts about who I am. I discovered my personality traits share that of a wolf or even were-wolf rather young. Those who know me, those I've talked to and shared myself personally. I consider you special to me. If you think this could be yourself you are most definitely correct. Once I consider you close to me you mean more to me then you may even possibly realize. It may seem to be an obsession, but really, I'm rather harmless. Unless of course you severely and intentionally break the trust. In a case such as this, as warm and open as I was before, is as cold and heartless will I be too you. A little bit off all or nothing comes with me. Take it or leave it. It's really not that hard to be caring and loving to all which you care about. I will not stand for fake people, fake love, fake acceptance. I'm an old soul. I read between the lines.. I do not think in words.. I think in feeling's.. as do I listen. You do not have to tell me your intentions. I know them already. If your intentions are pure or at least trying to be. I know and I would like you to know that.

Wolves are often misunderstood but the love, care, and friendship can be rivaled by no other.

Take care those I consider my Pack.

 TheAzureWolf Kappy Glitterpills etchysketchy