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Good Things! + Art Theft...
Posted 9 years agoAlrighty!
First I want to announce I am finally in the
Trusted_Artists group!
But it wouldn't have happened without the help of the wonderful artists who recommended me.
And for that I am eternally grateful. Which is why I am going to make them 1 free drawing to express my thanks.
Seriously, I don't think I could ever thank you guys enough. Hopefully this will help me gain more fans and commissions. Hopefully I can make more of a career out of my drawings!
On top of that, another place was interested. And after two interviews I just need to wait and pray they hire me.
It's a 50/50 chance, but here's hoping!
Even with a job I will still work my ass off with my drawings. I just need SOME way to make money. I need to get back onto my feet already and this is the only way.
Last thing I want to talk about is an art thief who stole the likeness to one of my drawings.
Here's what happened...
It was originally a commission(Not for money though, for a game)but after so many conflicts I decided to say fuck it and take back the rights.
I won't lie, that WAS a dick move. I did it out of anger, the dude REALLY pushed my buttons.
Later after we "made amends" he decides to scold me, threaten me and even manipulate me because I took the rights.
So now we are back to where we were. Out of each other's lives....This time hopefully for good.
I can forgive easily. But when you manipulate me, and drag my friends into it, then that's it. that's the kind of shit my mother did and I will not have it.
Only this once did I take the rights to that drawing. Sorry, but I don't regret doing that now.
Whats worse was he posted a drawing(Using the art software SAI that I GAVE him, just throwing that out there....), deliberately stealing the likeness and then attempts to once again rub it in my face even though I was not mentioned.
I'm not dancing around this, that pisses me off. Even more so I couldn't do ANYTHING about it, I tried already.
Sorry for ranting like that. I don't mean to sound like a whiner, but things like that really get under my skin...
For now I'll just let it go. I still own the rights to my character and WILL use it to how I see fit. If I can't do anything, neither can HE.
I also won't mention names since he didn't either. Plus I am respectful and want to avoid conflict. But if asked then I might note about it.
Again, sorry for the rant.
Thank you guys for supporting me and sticking with me for so long.
Let's make the best of 2016!
COMMISSIONS (I am open again~)
====================================================
Lineart - $10.00 $5.00 Add a character (Simple lineart of a character. No background or color. Just an outline)
Flat Colors - $15.00 $5.00 Add a character $5.00 add a background (Add color to above and you get this. Back ground my be included.)
Full - $25.00 $10.00 Add a character (A drawing with the works. Color, background, as well as smooth shadings to the best of my abilities.)
Comics American/Manga - $30.00 Per page. (the difference here is, American comics read left to right and usually have color unless said otherwise. Where as Manga reads right to left and usually has no color unless said otherwise.)
Icons - $15.00 (Like full drawings but smaller and easier to do.)
Refs - $25.00 (Refs of a simple character or two. Can be flat colors or full. Whatever is desired.)
==================================================
First I want to announce I am finally in the
Trusted_Artists group! But it wouldn't have happened without the help of the wonderful artists who recommended me.
And for that I am eternally grateful. Which is why I am going to make them 1 free drawing to express my thanks.
Seriously, I don't think I could ever thank you guys enough. Hopefully this will help me gain more fans and commissions. Hopefully I can make more of a career out of my drawings!
On top of that, another place was interested. And after two interviews I just need to wait and pray they hire me.
It's a 50/50 chance, but here's hoping!
Even with a job I will still work my ass off with my drawings. I just need SOME way to make money. I need to get back onto my feet already and this is the only way.
Last thing I want to talk about is an art thief who stole the likeness to one of my drawings.
Here's what happened...
It was originally a commission(Not for money though, for a game)but after so many conflicts I decided to say fuck it and take back the rights.
I won't lie, that WAS a dick move. I did it out of anger, the dude REALLY pushed my buttons.
Later after we "made amends" he decides to scold me, threaten me and even manipulate me because I took the rights.
So now we are back to where we were. Out of each other's lives....This time hopefully for good.
I can forgive easily. But when you manipulate me, and drag my friends into it, then that's it. that's the kind of shit my mother did and I will not have it.
Only this once did I take the rights to that drawing. Sorry, but I don't regret doing that now.
Whats worse was he posted a drawing(Using the art software SAI that I GAVE him, just throwing that out there....), deliberately stealing the likeness and then attempts to once again rub it in my face even though I was not mentioned.
I'm not dancing around this, that pisses me off. Even more so I couldn't do ANYTHING about it, I tried already.
Sorry for ranting like that. I don't mean to sound like a whiner, but things like that really get under my skin...
For now I'll just let it go. I still own the rights to my character and WILL use it to how I see fit. If I can't do anything, neither can HE.
I also won't mention names since he didn't either. Plus I am respectful and want to avoid conflict. But if asked then I might note about it.
Again, sorry for the rant.
Thank you guys for supporting me and sticking with me for so long.
Let's make the best of 2016!
COMMISSIONS (I am open again~)
====================================================
Lineart - $10.00 $5.00 Add a character (Simple lineart of a character. No background or color. Just an outline)
Flat Colors - $15.00 $5.00 Add a character $5.00 add a background (Add color to above and you get this. Back ground my be included.)
Full - $25.00 $10.00 Add a character (A drawing with the works. Color, background, as well as smooth shadings to the best of my abilities.)
Comics American/Manga - $30.00 Per page. (the difference here is, American comics read left to right and usually have color unless said otherwise. Where as Manga reads right to left and usually has no color unless said otherwise.)
Icons - $15.00 (Like full drawings but smaller and easier to do.)
Refs - $25.00 (Refs of a simple character or two. Can be flat colors or full. Whatever is desired.)
==================================================
Rough Weeks
Posted 9 years agoI may have a safe place to live right now. But with no job, no ways to make money, and a barrage of fights on the internet, these past weeks have been rather....(Sigh) Tough on me.
I'm not going to rant and say "Oh my life is soooo hard!" nah, It's not that. ^^;
I'm just letting those who want to listen and hopefully understand and care.
Streams have been a bit shity. Having next to no one who will watch...
Honestly, I think maybe I'm suppose to be an artist more than anything. I feel as if I get more from my galleries than I did at Twitch. I dunno...
What do you guys think? Should I just stick with my art? Or can I really still do both?
They are up in the air. But soon I might stop streaming. It's sad, I really loved streaming. What hurts the most is letting those folks who followed down.
It feels like something I can't just let go easily...
I need your guy's thoughts please. Right now my mind has been all over the place.
Lemme know what you think.
As always, let's make the best of 2016
COMMISSIONS (I am open again~)
====================================================
Lineart - $10.00 $5.00 Add a character (Simple lineart of a character. No background or color. Just an outline)
Flat Colors - $15.00 $5.00 Add a character $5.00 add a background (Add color to above and you get this. Back ground my be included.)
Full - $25.00 $10.00 Add a character (A drawing with the works. Color, background, as well as smooth shadings to the best of my abilities.)
Comics American/Manga - $30.00 Per page. (the difference here is, American comics read left to right and usually have color unless said otherwise. Where as Manga reads right to left and usually has no color unless said otherwise.)
Icons - $15.00 (Like full drawings but smaller and easier to do.)
Refs - $25.00 (Refs of a simple character or two. Can be flat colors or full. Whatever is desired.)
==================================================
I'm not going to rant and say "Oh my life is soooo hard!" nah, It's not that. ^^;
I'm just letting those who want to listen and hopefully understand and care.
Streams have been a bit shity. Having next to no one who will watch...
Honestly, I think maybe I'm suppose to be an artist more than anything. I feel as if I get more from my galleries than I did at Twitch. I dunno...
What do you guys think? Should I just stick with my art? Or can I really still do both?
They are up in the air. But soon I might stop streaming. It's sad, I really loved streaming. What hurts the most is letting those folks who followed down.
It feels like something I can't just let go easily...
I need your guy's thoughts please. Right now my mind has been all over the place.
Lemme know what you think.
As always, let's make the best of 2016
COMMISSIONS (I am open again~)
====================================================
Lineart - $10.00 $5.00 Add a character (Simple lineart of a character. No background or color. Just an outline)
Flat Colors - $15.00 $5.00 Add a character $5.00 add a background (Add color to above and you get this. Back ground my be included.)
Full - $25.00 $10.00 Add a character (A drawing with the works. Color, background, as well as smooth shadings to the best of my abilities.)
Comics American/Manga - $30.00 Per page. (the difference here is, American comics read left to right and usually have color unless said otherwise. Where as Manga reads right to left and usually has no color unless said otherwise.)
Icons - $15.00 (Like full drawings but smaller and easier to do.)
Refs - $25.00 (Refs of a simple character or two. Can be flat colors or full. Whatever is desired.)
==================================================
Smallish Update
Posted 9 years agoWhere to begin...First:
I am still sadly unemployed...but at least that will give me more time to draw and finish up commissions. I'm hoping to finish them before I get a job anyway.
Other than that I'm still in the city. Safe, content and hating this damn snow...
Second update: my gallery.
You may notice most of my drawings are missing. GASP!
That is because all my old drawings are in my scraps now or sorted and split into different folders.
Just letting everyone know this so they aren't confused as to why they didn't see their commissions or drawings I did in the past in the main gallery. Everything is now neatly sorted so you can find what you want easily~ That being said, FA needs to make their folder system a little more simple to use. I spent hours trying to figure it out. :/
I only picked a handful of drawings to keep in the main gallery. Mostly the ones posted this year.
Last thing to talk about:
Regarding a recent animation I made. I feel sort of bad because it has a LOT of views.
I'd be happy for the outstanding views, if it was a regular drawing. But it's just a small vore animation that literally took only a few minutes to do(Not including making the sprites).
That being said, I also think those who clicked on the animation hoped for something more than just a halfass loop.
I apologize deeply if I raised anyone's expectations like that. Next time I'll be sure to fix that problem...
That's all for now. Thank you all for staying with me for so long.
Let's make the best of 2016!
COMMISSIONS
====================================================
Lineart - $10.00 $5.00 Add a character (Simple lineart of a character. No background or color. Just an outline)
Flat Colors - $15.00 $5.00 Add a character $5.00 add a background (Add color to above and you get this. Back ground my be included.)
Full - $25.00 $10.00 Add a character (A drawing with the works. Color, background, as well as smooth shadings to the best of my abilities.)
Comics American/Manga - $30.00 Per page. (the difference here is, American comics read left to right and usually have color unless said otherwise. Where as Manga reads right to left and usually has no color unless said otherwise.)
Icons - $15.00 (Like full drawings but smaller and easier to do.)
Refs - $25.00 (Refs of a simple character or two. Can be flat colors or full. Whatever is desired.)
==================================================
I am still sadly unemployed...but at least that will give me more time to draw and finish up commissions. I'm hoping to finish them before I get a job anyway.
Other than that I'm still in the city. Safe, content and hating this damn snow...
Second update: my gallery.
You may notice most of my drawings are missing. GASP!
That is because all my old drawings are in my scraps now or sorted and split into different folders.
Just letting everyone know this so they aren't confused as to why they didn't see their commissions or drawings I did in the past in the main gallery. Everything is now neatly sorted so you can find what you want easily~ That being said, FA needs to make their folder system a little more simple to use. I spent hours trying to figure it out. :/
I only picked a handful of drawings to keep in the main gallery. Mostly the ones posted this year.
Last thing to talk about:
Regarding a recent animation I made. I feel sort of bad because it has a LOT of views.
I'd be happy for the outstanding views, if it was a regular drawing. But it's just a small vore animation that literally took only a few minutes to do(Not including making the sprites).
That being said, I also think those who clicked on the animation hoped for something more than just a halfass loop.
I apologize deeply if I raised anyone's expectations like that. Next time I'll be sure to fix that problem...
That's all for now. Thank you all for staying with me for so long.
Let's make the best of 2016!
COMMISSIONS
====================================================
Lineart - $10.00 $5.00 Add a character (Simple lineart of a character. No background or color. Just an outline)
Flat Colors - $15.00 $5.00 Add a character $5.00 add a background (Add color to above and you get this. Back ground my be included.)
Full - $25.00 $10.00 Add a character (A drawing with the works. Color, background, as well as smooth shadings to the best of my abilities.)
Comics American/Manga - $30.00 Per page. (the difference here is, American comics read left to right and usually have color unless said otherwise. Where as Manga reads right to left and usually has no color unless said otherwise.)
Icons - $15.00 (Like full drawings but smaller and easier to do.)
Refs - $25.00 (Refs of a simple character or two. Can be flat colors or full. Whatever is desired.)
==================================================
New Location
Posted 10 years agoI'll keep this journal short n sweet since I don't have much time.
So now I am in the big city of Cleveland with another friend where I have a bigger advantage of landing some jobs.
For now I am still jobless and working on my art as usual. But I'll still need a way to make money for my laptop. Once it's paid I won't have anything to worry about thankfully.
Pray for me please. I dunno how things will go from here.
The bright side, I'm in good hands. However it's hard getting use to living with such nice people when you've grown up in a depressed family...
Maybe this is a nice change of pace for me.
That's all for now. Thank you all for staying with me for so long.
Let's make the best of 2016!
COMMISSIONS
====================================================
Lineart - $10.00 $5.00 Add a character (Simple lineart of a character. No background or color. Just an outline)
Flat Colors - $15.00 $5.00 Add a character $5.00 add a background (Add color to above and you get this. Back ground my be included.)
Full - $25.00 $10.00 Add a character (A drawing with the works. Color, background, as well as smooth shadings to the best of my abilities.)
Comics American/Manga - $30.00 Per page. (the difference here is, American comics read left to right and usually have color unless said otherwise. Where as Manga reads right to left and usually has no color unless said otherwise.)
Icons - $15.00 (Like full drawings but smaller and easier to do.)
Refs - $25.00 (Refs of a simple character or two. Can be flat colors or full. Whatever is desired.)
==================================================
So now I am in the big city of Cleveland with another friend where I have a bigger advantage of landing some jobs.
For now I am still jobless and working on my art as usual. But I'll still need a way to make money for my laptop. Once it's paid I won't have anything to worry about thankfully.
Pray for me please. I dunno how things will go from here.
The bright side, I'm in good hands. However it's hard getting use to living with such nice people when you've grown up in a depressed family...
Maybe this is a nice change of pace for me.
That's all for now. Thank you all for staying with me for so long.
Let's make the best of 2016!
COMMISSIONS
====================================================
Lineart - $10.00 $5.00 Add a character (Simple lineart of a character. No background or color. Just an outline)
Flat Colors - $15.00 $5.00 Add a character $5.00 add a background (Add color to above and you get this. Back ground my be included.)
Full - $25.00 $10.00 Add a character (A drawing with the works. Color, background, as well as smooth shadings to the best of my abilities.)
Comics American/Manga - $30.00 Per page. (the difference here is, American comics read left to right and usually have color unless said otherwise. Where as Manga reads right to left and usually has no color unless said otherwise.)
Icons - $15.00 (Like full drawings but smaller and easier to do.)
Refs - $25.00 (Refs of a simple character or two. Can be flat colors or full. Whatever is desired.)
==================================================
Deceit + Commission Prices(Revised)
Posted 10 years agoAlright, first on the table...
After a fight with a friend, some words were said, some I regret. I removed said friend from my life permanently. Not fully for what he said or did in the past, but what he did now.
He has spread a horrible lie about me and it has damaged my pride and put me into despair. Yeah, it really was THAT bad...
Lies hurt, guys. I'm no saint, I've lied too.
As a kid I lied so much that my teeth fell out(They didn't really <.<) But when I look back now, I realize the things I did by lying or the people I may have hurt by lying. In the end I felt guilt, and even to this day, if I could go back in time, I'd kick my kid-self in the ass.
Don't lie about others if you're angry. Trust me, it won't go well in the end.
In fact I feel pity for said friend. I only worry because he is soiling my good name and there was nothing I could do...
So what WILL I do? Hold my head high and keep going. Whats the point of getting back at someone? Be BETTER than them by just holding your head high and moving forward. YOU are moving forward while THEY fall into despair.
I won't let anyone clip my wings and keep me down. Don't you let that happen to you all either.
If you guys had problems like this, please feel free to share them. I only have HUGE ears. :/
Next up, commissions!
So I've gotten a lot of feedback and some of my commissioners were confused or not happy with certain things like payment.
Let me explain the best I can...
I still have a few drawings left to do. Since I have no job, I have all the time in the world for them. But I am not fast as certain artists and I'm sorry. Patience is key >>> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ppaiQ6mhbE
I have a simple set of 10 slots and you're welcome to pay and reserve a spot.
Why am I asking for payment sooner? Because I'm not the only one who does that actually...
Plus I still have no job and a laptop that needs paid weakly. At least $80 every two weeks.
I know this sounds like a scam, but PLEASE trust me. Besides, if I scammed someone, that would put a HUGE dent in my reputation...
I hope it makes sense. Again, if you're still confused, please TALK to me.
Here is the updated commission list:
====================================================
Lineart - $10.00 $5.00 Add a character (Simple lineart of a character. No background or color. Just an outline)
Flat Colors - $15.00 $5.00 Add a character $5.00 add a background (Add color to above and you get this. Back ground my be included.)
Full - $25.00 $10.00 Add a character (A drawing with the works. Color, background, as well as smooth shadings to the best of my abilities.)
Comics American/Manga - $30.00 Per page. (the difference here is, American comics read left to right and usually have color unless said otherwise. Where as Manga reads right to left and usually has no color unless said otherwise.)
Icons - $15.00 (Like full drawings but smaller and easier to do.)
Refs - $25.00 (Refs of a simple character or two. Can be flat colors or full. Whatever is desired.)
==================================================
Wow, that went on longer than I had hoped for. I hope you guys have the patience to read.
Stay strong. Let's take this world together~
After a fight with a friend, some words were said, some I regret. I removed said friend from my life permanently. Not fully for what he said or did in the past, but what he did now.
He has spread a horrible lie about me and it has damaged my pride and put me into despair. Yeah, it really was THAT bad...
Lies hurt, guys. I'm no saint, I've lied too.
As a kid I lied so much that my teeth fell out(They didn't really <.<) But when I look back now, I realize the things I did by lying or the people I may have hurt by lying. In the end I felt guilt, and even to this day, if I could go back in time, I'd kick my kid-self in the ass.
Don't lie about others if you're angry. Trust me, it won't go well in the end.
In fact I feel pity for said friend. I only worry because he is soiling my good name and there was nothing I could do...
So what WILL I do? Hold my head high and keep going. Whats the point of getting back at someone? Be BETTER than them by just holding your head high and moving forward. YOU are moving forward while THEY fall into despair.
I won't let anyone clip my wings and keep me down. Don't you let that happen to you all either.
If you guys had problems like this, please feel free to share them. I only have HUGE ears. :/
Next up, commissions!
So I've gotten a lot of feedback and some of my commissioners were confused or not happy with certain things like payment.
Let me explain the best I can...
I still have a few drawings left to do. Since I have no job, I have all the time in the world for them. But I am not fast as certain artists and I'm sorry. Patience is key >>> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ppaiQ6mhbE
I have a simple set of 10 slots and you're welcome to pay and reserve a spot.
Why am I asking for payment sooner? Because I'm not the only one who does that actually...
Plus I still have no job and a laptop that needs paid weakly. At least $80 every two weeks.
I know this sounds like a scam, but PLEASE trust me. Besides, if I scammed someone, that would put a HUGE dent in my reputation...
I hope it makes sense. Again, if you're still confused, please TALK to me.
Here is the updated commission list:
====================================================
Lineart - $10.00 $5.00 Add a character (Simple lineart of a character. No background or color. Just an outline)
Flat Colors - $15.00 $5.00 Add a character $5.00 add a background (Add color to above and you get this. Back ground my be included.)
Full - $25.00 $10.00 Add a character (A drawing with the works. Color, background, as well as smooth shadings to the best of my abilities.)
Comics American/Manga - $30.00 Per page. (the difference here is, American comics read left to right and usually have color unless said otherwise. Where as Manga reads right to left and usually has no color unless said otherwise.)
Icons - $15.00 (Like full drawings but smaller and easier to do.)
Refs - $25.00 (Refs of a simple character or two. Can be flat colors or full. Whatever is desired.)
==================================================
Wow, that went on longer than I had hoped for. I hope you guys have the patience to read.
Stay strong. Let's take this world together~
Fighting On + Commission Updates
Posted 10 years agoOkay, so first things first, I will no longer be having the "poor me" crap in my journals, even though that WASNT what I was trying to do.
Apparently SOME people were getting upset, saying I was only doing that for self pity or trying to throw my problems onto someone else.
NO. That was NOT what I was trying to do nor will I let anyone say otherwise.
There is a difference between telling people whats going on or how tough said situation is and being an outright dramaqueen, just trying to be the center of attention.
Yes most of it was venting and maybe it DID seem like I was throwing a pity party, but it really wasn't my intention.
I just wanted to speak my mind. Let my heart connect with my hands as they typed.
I love the support and I love the ones who can relate. The others who are unlucky as I am, talking to me about their situations too, and supporting each other, and knowing that we aren't really alone.
I'm not "just saying" these things. I mean them whether people see that or not. I'm no saint, but I sure as hell have a heart and I will not let people tell me otherwise.
Now onto Commissions!
I am taking commissions. YES.
And I still have some that need done. YES.
And I WILL finish them. I never break a promise. I'm just throwing this out there because I have no job right now and probably won't for a while.
I need SOME way to make money. Hopefully this will do.
For the sake of trying to keep my laptop by paying it's rent, I will increase the commissions prices.
I'm sorry if that's a dick move, but I really need the money more than ever right now. Plus with everything going on, it takes a while to draw GOOD pictures.
So here's the new price guide. I will make a new price sheet soon and remove the old one ASAP so no one gets confused.
====================================================
Lineart - $10.00 $5.00 Add a character
Flat Colors - $15.00 $5.00 Add a character $5.00 add a background
Full - $25.00 $10.00 Add a character
Comics American/Manga - $30.00 Per page.
Icons - $15.00
Refs - $25.00
====================================================
Hopefully this is a decent change. Again I'm sorry for such a dickish move, but again, I really need a way to make money right now. And it IS for a good cause. It keeps here, drawing for you guys. <:3
And last, YES I WILL finish previous commissions. Thank you all for being patient with me.
That's all for now. Let's make the best of this year together~
Apparently SOME people were getting upset, saying I was only doing that for self pity or trying to throw my problems onto someone else.
NO. That was NOT what I was trying to do nor will I let anyone say otherwise.
There is a difference between telling people whats going on or how tough said situation is and being an outright dramaqueen, just trying to be the center of attention.
Yes most of it was venting and maybe it DID seem like I was throwing a pity party, but it really wasn't my intention.
I just wanted to speak my mind. Let my heart connect with my hands as they typed.
I love the support and I love the ones who can relate. The others who are unlucky as I am, talking to me about their situations too, and supporting each other, and knowing that we aren't really alone.
I'm not "just saying" these things. I mean them whether people see that or not. I'm no saint, but I sure as hell have a heart and I will not let people tell me otherwise.
Now onto Commissions!
I am taking commissions. YES.
And I still have some that need done. YES.
And I WILL finish them. I never break a promise. I'm just throwing this out there because I have no job right now and probably won't for a while.
I need SOME way to make money. Hopefully this will do.
For the sake of trying to keep my laptop by paying it's rent, I will increase the commissions prices.
I'm sorry if that's a dick move, but I really need the money more than ever right now. Plus with everything going on, it takes a while to draw GOOD pictures.
So here's the new price guide. I will make a new price sheet soon and remove the old one ASAP so no one gets confused.
====================================================
Lineart - $10.00 $5.00 Add a character
Flat Colors - $15.00 $5.00 Add a character $5.00 add a background
Full - $25.00 $10.00 Add a character
Comics American/Manga - $30.00 Per page.
Icons - $15.00
Refs - $25.00
====================================================
Hopefully this is a decent change. Again I'm sorry for such a dickish move, but again, I really need a way to make money right now. And it IS for a good cause. It keeps here, drawing for you guys. <:3
And last, YES I WILL finish previous commissions. Thank you all for being patient with me.
That's all for now. Let's make the best of this year together~
Am I Really A Bad Guy?
Posted 10 years agoFirst an update of whats going on if you're all interested on whats going on with me in real life...
Since a few days ago, I've been on my own. I have separated from my father because I can't handle his drinking issues anymore.
So aside from him I'm getting bitched at by my mother as usual and now I'm the bad guy once again. Great. Aaaand I probably won't be able to see my little sister until she's 18 and even so, my mom will have already brainwashed her into thinking I'm a horrible brother. Fantastic...
I'm not making this up to get sympathy from anyone. I REALLY am going through a difficult time right now.
After this, I might be out of a job as well. Because where I am staying is an hour away from work. And if I don't find a close job soon, I might lose the laptop that I'm still paying for.
I mean, all is not lost for me. I have a place because my friend is really generous. I was able to get MY things out of storage before I lost them forever.
But I still have things I worry about. And it's stopping me from relaxing and doing things like drawing.
All this stress is really killing me right now. I don't know whether to worry or just pretend nothing is happening.
Both are worse in my opinion...
What makes me mad even more is seeing a lot of popular artists or Youtubers who have it made and seem like they have NO problems. For once I'd like one of them to tell me they have issues. Then I'd be content...
But no, I have to suffer while struggling to do what I love.
I already lost the ability to do gaming streams for a while. If I lose my way to do drawings then...I don't know what I'll do honestly...
Am I really a bad guy? Is this karma or punishment?
I wonder everyday. Who am I and what am I doing. And then I reflect on all the things I've done or people I've hurt. What did I do wrong. Why do I deserve this...
I'm at a loss right now. So please understand when I'm slow with commissions or other drawings...Still Here. Part of Me Anyway...
Posted 10 years agoWe finally packed everything and moved out of our old home.
Sadly we haven't managed to find a place to call home.
Instead we've been here n there. From an apartment with an asshole who only wanted my mom, to a trailer with a temporary stay.
Not to mention my family is broken once again since my mother just decided to leave us and head straight to Canada with her boyfriend. Yeah...
In all honesty I don't know what will happen. I get no break from this chaos. I can't relax because every time I turn around, some other bullshit happens.
Yeah I have a job, yeah I have food, yeah I have my health. But what does it all amount to with no place to call home??
I hope you all have a good holiday. I hope you all enjoy your family in your warm homes.
Right now, I am near to giving up. Despair is all I see anymore sadly.
Believe me, I'm trying to remain strong. But we're losing so much now...
I have nothing else to say honestly...
I'm sorry about commissions. I'll try working on them when I am not so stressed out.
Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays...
Whatever...Nothing Is Eternal
Posted 10 years agoEven a home isn't eternal.
So last journal was just me feeling sorry for myself. Happens a few times, I know it's annoying.
Sometimes I just need a kick to get back into the game.
This journal is just going to explain things I'm going through.
First off...
We got evicted once again. Right after we just settled in.
You can imagine how upset I am over this... But it's not just that.
I'm also upset because there were a lot of people who donated to me to keep this place.
If anything, I let them down and I can't come to forgive myself for that...
But it's either hide under a rock or try and keep going.
We have a new place in sight, but the chances of getting it are slim. I'm honestly not holding my breath...
It just feels like things are getting worse y'know? No matter if I try to think positive, life still screws me over and over again.
Home and laptop payment problems, problems with drawing or streaming, problems with family and friends...
What do I have to fall back on? Who do I have to turn to? Nothing. No one.
But that's fine.
I'll do what I can, alone. The best I can.
Might not see me stream for a while after a few days. Probably won't see art that often. Not like I was posting that much to begin with...
And I know I can't forgive myself for being slow with my art either...
Sorry if this is depressing. I just wanted to get all of this off my chest.
I want to thank you all for your support. And sticking with me.
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart if I have one.
I don't know why some people like me or what I do. Almost wish they didn't.
But thank you for that.
I honestly wish I could do more to express this. But with things the way they are right now...
I just don't know what to do. I pray none of you go through this,
I pray none of your lives cave in like mine.
It really feels like the end for me. Or is it?
Let's just keep going through the day...
Where I Am, Who I Am...
Posted 10 years agoMaybe you guys wondered where I went, then again maybe not...
I've been on and off with my art. With my job, streaming, and real life problems in the way.
I've been going through a lot actually and it's really tiring me out.
I am going to try to get back into drawing again.
I've been working on the commissions, still. But I felt forced. I need to put myself back into the mood.
Therefor, I might give my game streams a rest for a while.
I owe my fans at Twitch but after a recent event, it's hard to care.
And because of said event...
I really don't want friends anymore or to even talk with random people on the net for that matter.
It's stupid and I may get over it in due time.
But I was stabbed hard in the back and my heart broke once again.
I don't know why I even bother trying to be nice. When in the end, I get the worst out of life and people...
I don't want it anymore. And I could care less about any support.
I'm going to do what I do because I enjoy it. I no longer care who approves...
I'm sorry if this sounds selfish. I'm sorry if I'm some ranting douche bag right now.
But this is how I feel right now...
Every Thing is Gone... (UPDATE)
Posted 10 years agoSo apparently the GTA V game I downloaded had a virus in it. Or that's what I was told by the people I got my laptop from...
It became evident when I cleaned my laptop and tried downloading it again. The laptop freaked out then stopped booting up. The laptop I'm using now is a lone while my Alienware is getting"repaired.
Honestly, I am really pissed about this. More that ALL my data is gone and now even more so because I liked GTA V... -.-
Anyway... Whit this lone laptop, I shall continue drawing the best I can. It's not a bad laptop. Nice and big.
When my Alienware does come back, I still won't be streaming for a long while. Not because I don't want to. But because I need to put more time into my drawings. All of that hard work being ruined really upset me. I had comics and commissions getting ready. That devastated me and I'm sorry it happened...
I bought a flashdrive though, so mark my words, this will not happen again...
Thank you for your kind words in the last journal. I've never had that before. I'm still upset but I'm happy there are a few who care.Every Thing is Gone... (IMPORTANT)
Posted 10 years agoIt's been a while since I made a journal. I've held off because I doubt people read these things anymore.
This one is important though...
Last night my laptop was acting up. I don't know if there was a virus or what but I couldn't log back on or even refresh. I was literally losing my mind.
There was only one option, and it literally made me cry...
I had to fully reset my laptop....
It feels smooth now. But EVERYTHING was wiped out. Pictures and everything. Comics and commissions I was working so hard on!
This was a huge blow to me whether any of you see it that way or not.
I almost cried myself to sleep, and it takes a LOT to make me cry...
I don't know what to do at this point. I suppose I just continue where I left off but it's not that easy...
My gaming streams are done for now. All that hard work was poured into them and not enough into my art...
Right now I just need some time to gather myself. I'm sorry I'm so useless...
I know this doesn't happen to any of those other popular artists.
I'm just bad luck anymore...May Update - The Going Ons/PokeVore Challenge
Posted 10 years agoRawrz n Stuff!
Well things have lightened up a bit for us.
My dad came back home, with the restraining order lifted.
Although drunk when he attacked me and my mom, I still don't trust the man quite yet. That said he IS still my father and he's lightened up a bit since then. No more drinking and less anger problems. I just hope it remains that way.
He lost one of his jobs due to being in jail, HOWEVER he has gotten a new one just a few days ago.
So with me having one job and him having two means we're in the black. ^^
I still need to find other ways to make money. So feel free to ask for commissions when you can.
This may seem low, asking like this. But I am desperate. I really don't want to come close to losing our house a third time.
So if you guys can, I'd really appreciate any help by asking for commissions~
Second update: Am I still streaming games? Sort of. My internet is still wonky and I need free time.
I still am streaming though. I really want to finish Zelda month so I can move on to other titles I've wanted to play.
As for streaming art....I dunno when that will be. I need more confidence before I stream art. Keep in mind I am sort of slow. And I see all these other artists finish a drawing within 5 hours or so. I can't quite do that yet. Plus I lick to job and stretch my legs out, so I can't be confined to my desk all day.
However I'll still think about this, don't worry~
Third and final update: I am challenging myself to draw each and every one of the Gen 1 Pokemon voring yours truly, or one of my closest friends.
Please do not beg to be put in one of them. My thing MY decision. Please respect that.
Each vore will be soft and will only be oral. No AV, CV or BV. Sorry.
I kind of want to make this PG.
I WILL however consider doing an extra drawing of one of the Pokemon doing one of those vores. And maybe upon request.
Each drawing will(Hopefully...)Be posted EACH day. You heard me right.(Or read me right?)
And yes, I am still doing commissions. Even if I'm drawing these day by day I can still make room for commissions.
That's all for now.
Stay scary everyone!The Dragon's Update - April 2015 Part 2
Posted 10 years agoWasn't really planning on another journal update on the same month, however I feel the moment calls for this...
All this time and I haven't been drawing, much. Don't know if it's lack of enthusiasm or just pure laziness. I'm going to fess up on this one instead of making excuses like I always do. And I can't blame anyone but myself.
To tell you the truth, I dunno if this is for me. I love to draw, but to make a career about it? I still have yet to look into myself and see...
Aside from being an artist I am also a gamer...
So can I really juggle both?
I am now opening commissions up again. I have updated the prices because I need to make a little cash on the side.
I have my own job, but I need to make more than I'm making now.
We're having issues with the house and other bills, and it might get worse...
My dad attacked me and my mother...
Just today as I write this, he is in prison and we have yet to go to court and get a restraining order.
I just....Don't know him anymore. In the heat of the moment he acted like a whole different person...
With him out of the picture, life here may get hard. I desperately needing money not only to keep this house and food.
So that's where my commissions will come in. And I will definitely commit myself this time.
If you guys like what I draw, then please don't hesitate to note me.
This is for a good cause believe it or not. It's the only thing I can do now.
Right now you guys can imagine I'm not exactly feeling so hot...
I don't know what else to say. See you all in the next update.
Please pray for me, my family...I really need it now... The Dragon's Update - April 2015
Posted 10 years agoHm, what to talk about, where do I begin....
Well last month was pretty rough. I mean, being sick, struggles with my job and not seeing my little sister for a month was pretty stressful to me. How I managed to make it this far is beyond me.
I think the only good parts of last month were, me finally getting a WiiU, getting a chance to spend time with my friend, and getting a REAL awesome bunny master.
Now it's April. The month of my hatching. Hard to believe yesterday I was a little kid and now I'll be 21. Life DOES go by in a blink of an eye, so cherish it.
While I'm just beating my gums, you are all probably wondering if I'm still drawing?
And the answer is......No. I haven't drawn that much. I've had so many ideas but I always distracted or tired. I don't NEED a break I need to get off my ass and do something. But my body likes to say no.
Right now although I want to draw on my days off, I can't because since my mom got home, she's wanted to work on my room. That's great but now I am without a comfortable desk.
I WILL draw when I can or at least write down my ideas for later. It's just right now, I'm so easily distracted with things. I'm sorry.
I'm not going to give up though. And I didn't give up on doing game streams either. It's just my internet is god awful.
I'm just going to take this month slow, complete work and go from there. Hopefully I can find a way to keep my body awake to draw.
Until next time, stay scary~
Weakened Dragon - March Update
Posted 10 years agoThought about just posting a journal each month to keep you guys updated on what I'm doing.
So here we go...
First, my mother and little sister went to Canada for a while. They were going to come back, but now because of my parents not getting along once again, my mom doesn't want to come home....
In the midst of all this, I was hit hard by a virus, puking my guts out and whatnot. Just generally feeling shitty.
So you guys can imagine what kind of stress I'm going through right now. It's so much that I can't even draw or do anything right now.
My body is just really weak right now. I don't know how long I will recover and if I do, I don't know what I'll do next.
Both of my parents I cannot trust, but I need them if I want to stay in my house because I don't have a car or hardly any money and....
Gaaahhhh...
It may not sound like much, but trust me, it's worse than it sounds... =.=
For now, I'll just....Do what I can. I might lose my job if I cannot get a ride in and thus won't make any money.
I'd do commissions, however I already have comics I owe to someone and honestly, who would want a commission if no ones asked me thus far?
I'm so stressed guys. I'm sorry...
Sorry you guys see nothing but ranting from me.
Maybe that's all I'm good for anymore....
So here we go...
First, my mother and little sister went to Canada for a while. They were going to come back, but now because of my parents not getting along once again, my mom doesn't want to come home....
In the midst of all this, I was hit hard by a virus, puking my guts out and whatnot. Just generally feeling shitty.
So you guys can imagine what kind of stress I'm going through right now. It's so much that I can't even draw or do anything right now.
My body is just really weak right now. I don't know how long I will recover and if I do, I don't know what I'll do next.
Both of my parents I cannot trust, but I need them if I want to stay in my house because I don't have a car or hardly any money and....
Gaaahhhh...
It may not sound like much, but trust me, it's worse than it sounds... =.=
For now, I'll just....Do what I can. I might lose my job if I cannot get a ride in and thus won't make any money.
I'd do commissions, however I already have comics I owe to someone and honestly, who would want a commission if no ones asked me thus far?
I'm so stressed guys. I'm sorry...
Sorry you guys see nothing but ranting from me.
Maybe that's all I'm good for anymore....
UnderDragon
Posted 11 years agoNow that I think about it, I AM an underdog in the art community. Nothing I make, whether I put hours upon hours of heart into it gets noticed. It's just there, just another drawing in a massive gallery, nothing special. And you know what? I'm not alone in this. A lot of us are underdogs too. Some artists give up right after a few drawings or after their first one and getting that thought they can't draw.
Well, I'm going to do a favor for the fellow underdog artists and keep going. I have been drawing for a while, a lot longer than some and I have the audacity to just throw it all away in the name of self pity. And keep in mind, I do that a lot, but every time I got over it, I beat myself up for it. My life, the things I do are an endless loop. But I ALWAYS come back for some reason. Like the vamp I am, I come back from the dead. And I wanna see other underdog artists do that too.
From now on, all my support and dedication goes towards them, the underdog artists in this gallery and the next. Wherever I am. I still support those who are popular, but not as much. Most of them were nothing but snobs to me and I deserved better. You don't bite the fans that feed you. You just don't. Respect them, care for them. Don't work FOR them, but give them some love back. After all, they support YOU, they look up to YOU. Think about that, I'm talking to ALL of you known artists so listen and listen good!
Now being an underdog isn't bad. So don't get me wrong. I know you guys can do better. I can, you can, we ALL can. We need to keep trying no matter what the costs(Unless it involves your health... ^^; ) I cannot quit anymore, I owe it to the all those underdogs, the fans and anyone who may have looked up to me. If I do retire it won't be for a long time. And my last drawing would be a pink Dragon. Probably...
I digress. I won't give up and you guys don't either. Please keep going and show the world what your made of.
I'll keep drawing. May stream art, I dunno. I'm still slow but hopefully soon I'll get over that. I wanna be there and help the underdogs. Come to me and ask away, I'll do what I can to help you improve.
Unlike the popular artists(Seriously, not hating but this has happened multiple times guys...)
To all the Underdogs...erDragons: Rawrz n Stuff~ Good luck!Not A True Artist...
Posted 11 years agoThere are so many secrets to art that I don't yet know, so many things I just can't figure out. Because of that I am always lacking and not getting anywhere.
What do I do ask for help? Nope, I tried and only slammed for it. Shame on me for reaching out when I needed it the most.
I don't have time for this nor do I need it.
From now on I'm not doing anymore art streams, faving ANYONE's drawings or supporting ANY artist that I don't know fully.Really, I asked for help, is that a real reason to be a bitch to someone? Like a certain bat...
I digress. I'm trying my best but I just can't figure out the secrets to perfect art. I examine drawings every time, study anatomy, shading, lighting to no end. But no progression at all.
It frustrates me to no end.
I'm sorry if this is just more complaining, but goddamn, this is how I feel, why can't I share my thoughts anymore??I'm trying guys.
Not enough support and not enough help. All I can do is keep trying, but to what end?
Hope is truly at a loss for THIS Dragon...A Tale Of Two Comics
Posted 11 years agoAnd of course you know I'm talking about both my comics DracioN and FNAF.
Alright, I want to make a special announcement, both of my comics are getting a major overhaul.
What do I mean you ask? SHUT UP AND I'LL TELL YOU!! Er I mean, I'll tell you~~ ewe I love you~
Okay FIRST...
DracioN. My first comic. Well not really but it's the most I've put more thought into...
It's story is being changed. It will have the same characters but the story has had a major facelift and to me feels more original.
So those two pages you guys saw just please forget. In fact I'll delete them soon so it's easier.
Sorry for making you guys depressed with seeing his mother die though. ^^;
So yeah. Story is still in development but the 3 chapters are already locked inside my mind.
I'll I need to do is give those thoughts life on the pages I draw on. =w=
Also...
Five Night's At Freddy's.
A comic some of you probably waited for and are probably pissed that I didn't get it out during Halloween.
Hell I bet Foxy's comin after me right now.... >.>;
However I have a perfect excuse for this one being delayed. I HAD the story thought up but then Five Night's At Freddy's 2 came out and after some information I gathered I found it's actually a prequel to the first game! That and the story just got deeper and more serious than I thought.
I'm having a tough time because now there are more puzzle pieces scattered about. Dozens of clues and unanswered questions like who really killed the five children.
And I don't want to wing it or else the idea will just sound stupid and mediocre.
So I'm going to dig a little deeper with this one. Be sure I will release pages to the first chapter soon enough though...
So there you have it. Hopefully you guys understand and don't mind waiting a little longer.
Making comics is harder than it sounds. Especially if you want to make something readers won't forget.
That's my goal, my passion...Ahem.
Please do whatever you can to support the Dragon. Thank you guys, as always your the best.
Wish me luck~ ^^Hard To Be A Dragon Artist
Posted 11 years agoSo it looks like I've been keeping up with my drawings, that's good.
My main goal is to make at least 1 drawing each day, hopefully that will help me get better.
I'm still in isolation though. So that means there still won't be any contact(unless commissions) or gaming stream.
However I never said it would last forever. I just need to find my "artistic self" and rejoin with it.
Back then I was addicted to drawing but I've slowed down over the years. Pathetic...
Well the Dragon is not giving up now.
Regarding my comics...
I'm still wanting to work on DracioN and FNAF but here lies a few problems:
With FNAF it was planned to be released around October so I failed there. Then there's the problem with the ending because there are a few I'm thinking of but can't decide which ones to use.
DracioN I'm just having problems with originality and finding something everyone will love.
If you guys never knew, I've wanted to make something that would be as good as Pokemon.
But I'm just having so many problems with it. It's very frustrating...
I never said I'd give up, but damn...
Maybe you guys have suggestions? Anything would help.
I've noticed people may have felt too afraid to comment or say hi.
I assure you I'm a nice Dragon. Just going through a hard time. That's all...
Until next time. Rawrz.Dragon In Isolation
Posted 11 years agoI am no longer streaming games, roleplaying or chatting.
You may be asking yourself, why. Why would you do that...
Look at me...
I'm nothing. Was an artist but I'm nothing anymore because I'm too slow with my drawings...
I hardly have fans or anyone who care at all.
I'm just.....So broken...
But I don't expect care or pity because I've never had any thus far.
I'm not giving up drawing. I plan to work hard at it. And keeping myself away from...."humanity" will help I'm sure.
I may or may not quit FA also...
Not really something that belongs here...
So yeah......
Rawrz.....Working Too Hard But Not Enough?
Posted 11 years agoOkay, here's another rant I guess, it's something I'm good at so be warned...
Okay.....Sigh
I've noticed I work my ass off with some of my drawings. I try to get every detail to be perfect. I'm picky to sum it up. But all my hard work is in vain when I post it and hardly get any views for it.
Call it complaining or whatever you like. I call it speaking my true feelings and thoughts about all of this because people should never be afraid to do that.
I'm not asking for fame, but this IS a bit ridiculous to me. I don't know what it is. Am I trying too hard? Does my stuff still look like shit even after all that time put into it?
WHAT am I doing wrong? What does everyone want from me.....?
I wish I could reach out without sounding like a winning 3-year old, but I can't lie, this has bugged me more than anything. I have a feeling that no one even bothers looking anymore.
I won't give up. But what is the point if I keep going...
I have 215 fans since 2011 so I've come a long way. But I know people who just started and they have outrageous amounts of fans. And their art doesn't really come close to mine.
Plus, I notice only a handful of these fans fave and comment on my stuff. The rest just add me for the hell of it. Why??
Again I ask.....
What am I doing wrong...?
Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions.
Unless your not actually reading this journal. I've noticed that too, no one ever reads them....
Rawrz n.......Stuff....... Closer
Posted 11 years agoAlright, time to set a new ground rule because the reasons are really pissing me off...
I will NOT watch anyone on DA or FA unless we are REALLY tight friends. This counts for Skype as well.
Fave your art pieces? Sure! I will do that. Comment and say Hi? Of course!
But I must say no to adding people who aren't close to me.
Reason being(And I know no one cares but I'll throw this out there anyway cuz MY journal.)
Everyone I've added or watched have been nothing but rude to me. Nice one moment, rude the next. Even some of the "popular" artists I THOUGHT would be awesome to hang out with and chat with. Short answer: They aren't. So don't be fooled.
Really, I'm sorry if I sound like an asshole but I'm just so tired of this guys. I really am.
Most of it is my fault for thinking they would be cool and adding them, but still. Not a good way to behave in front of your fans.
I know this sounds like ranting, but I've seen worse in journals so I'm not the first.
Sorry if any of you were offended, I'm not trying to be a dick. Sometimes you can only take so much shit, and well....
I've reached my limit....
Thank you for reading(If you did) See you all next time.
Rawrz n Stuff.....Finally A New Journal! Thought I Was Dead Right?
Posted 11 years agoDamn, so much going on right now, it's like a nightmare...
I know it could be worse, but it feels worse anyway.
Okay, here's what went down...
I was let go from my temp job at PCA because I was "slow" then I got into a new job. And you know what? I was let go the same day I worked. After work I was told by the temp agency that "I wasn't catching on". I could rant about how this is total bullshit, but I'm not here to rant.
Through my jobs I was able to afford an Alienware laptop which let me do my gaming streams but we soon ran low on money and I couldn't keep it, so I was forced to put it on hold for 30 days.
After that it's been ups and downs for me. Between finding a job, fighting with friends and trying to survive my family.
HOWEVER!
God has finally smiled down on me and blessed me with a job at McDonalds. I know I could do better, but hey, this is a job and I'm grateful I landed it after months of searching!
So yeah, I got a new job and I'm gonna get my laptop back next paycheck hopefully.
Yes, the Dragon WILL return and stream for you guys.
HOWEVER!(Again)
I realized I haven't been keeping true to my commitment as an artist and I wish I could say sorry, but it's totally my fault on this one.
I have been drawing, just not as much. So here's what I'll do...
I may not stream EVERY night, but I will still try to squeeze some in there.
Right now I've felt like drawing a lot, and I like this feeling. So you WILL see more art from me hopefully~
However I LOVE playing games and entertaining you guys as well, so I WON'T give that up.
I know a lot of artists will say: "Oh, your not a true artist!" or "You can't game and draw at the same time!"
Well I say: "Rawrz n stuff. I'm better than an artist. I'mma Dragon. I can do whatever I want!"
So yeah. That's whats been going on.
I thank you guys for the continuing support and I hope you all can't wait to see more from me~
And YES. I am still working on commissions for those who have asked. Almost done with a comic(Which is gonna be the death of me...)
So PLEASE hang in there.
I may be a slowpoke, but I ALWAYS keep my word. You WILL get your drawing.
Until next time...
RAWRZ n STUFF!!The Dragon Dracul Returns
Posted 11 years agoThat's right baby, the Dragon is back and he hungers more than ever.
I've finally gotten my sorry ass to work again on my drawings. And though you do not see that much now doesn't mean I'm not working on them.
FIRST. I need to finish gifts and stuff I owe before doing anymore commissions. Other than that will be MY art or my DracioN manga. Yes, DracioN. After all this time I'm finally working on it. Huzzah!
SECOND. It's a bold move, but I'm accepting tips.
Alright, before I say anything else, I want you guys to know I HATE asking for things for free. I don't like it. To get what you want you can't just steal or say please. You need to work your ass off.
Well these are dark times and things are getting hard. I currently have a job, yes. Good pay? Not so much. But it's good for small things.
You see, after my uncle kicked us out we barely had much. We have a house but we need to keep up on mortgage. That's where I come in. I help out with that sometimes, if not that then other bills or food.
So I barely have much for anything, that's why I haven't played a new game in months. ;_;
But I digress. I'm trying to get a new tablet. The one I have is nice, and thank God I have it. But I'd like to see WHAT I'm drawing ON the tablet. That always annoyed me.
So hopefully you guys understand what I'm goin for.
The tablet I'm tryin to get is this beauty >>> https://store.wacom.com/us/en/product/DTHW1300H/ Don't I just know how to pick them~?
Anyway, that's not the only thing I want to save up for, I also need a new computer because my old one died...Go figure... However that is something I'll do in my own time. Right now my main goal is the tablet.
I can save up a little here and there provided the bills don't get out of hand, but I'd really appreciate a little help from you guys.
If you can, then thank you sooooo much, if not then it's okay. The more help I get the faster it will be to reach my goal.
So that's all for now. Expect more from me, as in my drawings and manga and pleeeeeeze help out in tips if you can. If you have any questions then please note me. Never hesitate to note me or say "Hi".
Until next time, God bless~ Adam Cruz 