I keep forgetting that there's a journal that I can write stuff and take some time to reflect myself.

It's been 5 years since my knee injury from the car accident. Occasionally, my knee will have a moment where I need to wear a bracer and give it some rest for a week or two. And while I can't do any of the vigorous activities like snowboarding or hiking and such (without injuring the knee), I'm thankful that I can still walk and move around.

An ordeal back in 2022-2023 has left me socially traumatized, leaving that show series and its fandom community behind, and becoming more introverted and a shut-in. Therapy has help me from time to time, and I'm still working on improving myself while trying to be more open again.

I'm still a gamer and been loving Baldur's Gate 3 recently. I still enjoy putting my fursonas/OCs into various gaming universes. I'm sadly still single, but maybe it's for the best. I'm still thankful for my friends who are there to support and hang out with me.

My recent pic that I've commissioned shows my current "active" sonas - Phloww (otter/tiger), Phairr (jackal/lion), Pheltt (puma/badger), and Phirmm (wolf/panda). They will be seen in future pics (with Phloww and Phairr being the main ones).

Phloww was my fursona awakening several years ago and I still feel connected with him. Phairr is a new sona who appeared in a dream I recently had. Pheltt had gone through multiple revisions before I finalize him to what he is now; I still like him, but not as much nowadays. Phirmm is well-liked by peers.

All the remaining characters that I have will be "inactive", meaning that they rarely show up in future commission pics.

Jeez, I forget that there's a journal here. I just keep visiting for posting new arts I've commissioned and seeing arts, stories, etc. ^_^;

I turn 41 today, but people will still look at me as if I'm in my late 20s or early 30s.

I've been playing FFXIV (longest MMO game that I've played so far and still love it) and checking on social media and chatting online. Not much else to share about, unless you are also a FFXIV nerd like me. Despite wishing to change my username here, I'm glad to still have this account as it's been here since I've joined the furry fandom in 2007.

Seeing as how things are going downhill on Twitter, I'm glad to still have FA. I am giving Pillowfort a try and I'm liking it so far. It was fast and easy with some neat little customize features. I had a signup free link. And a few hours later, they release a post that signing up is now free ( https://twitter.com/Pillowfort_soc/.....41780798619648 ).

Here is my Pillowfort if anyone here is interested. I usually post stuff first here before FA: https://www.pillowfort.social/Phlowwtotter

I also still have Telegram and Discord.

I know there's Cohost, but I'm still on its waiting list and there was over 2,000 people ahead of me last I've checked (and I tried signing up 2 days ago). I don't remember if I've made a Tumblr or not, but they don't allow ALL kinds of NSFW. I've heard some bad things about Mastodon (and that's it takes a bit to get your account off the ground) that has worse things of Tumblr & Discord combined.

Had gone through 3 jobs because 1) closed the store I worked at, 2) injury from work (not enough to do workman's comp, and 3) new career path that didn't work out.

This year, so far, I'll be going back to a career that I've done for a couple years - working in the print production. I enjoyed it and am glad that I'm given the opportunity to return to it next week.

The pandemic has made me feel a bit embarrassed of who I am because I've been getting associated for covid due to my Asian ethnicity. And it seems to make me feel isolated from other people. I recently found out one who I know here has blocked me on another media and I don't know why.

On the bright side, I am getting close to paying all my debts, including one that has haunted me since after college.

Woot! Another year gone by. For the first time forever, I was looking forward to my birthday, mainly because of the gifts I'm getting myself with and it's themed with one of my favorite MMORPG - Final Fantasy XIV! I haven't really spend much time here, but I still visit and post art that I've commissioned or photos. There's gonna be several things posted with FFXIV theme shortly.

2021 is here! And I've been meaning to post a journal update, but kept getting occupied by various things (usually RL and covid and such).

I'm finally gonna be getting the 4 fursonas that I wanted to complete that started back in 2017. Ever since I've watched Avatar: The Last Airbender cartoon show, I wanted to have 4 fursonas to represent each elemental benders.

2006 - 2010: When I first join the fandom in 2006, the two most popular species were dragons and foxes. I was very naive and new, so I went with an Eastern furry dragon mix (having a long tongue like Nintendo's Yoshi character)

2010 - 2016: Had a couple different pokesonas (still love Pokemon till this day). 2016/2017 got me to look at fursuits and the more "social" side of the fandom that isn't with just online art and such (if that makes sense)

2016 - 2017: Phloww, the totter (tiger/otter), was the first to be created, and one who represents me the most. I had Phirmm and Phurll made and then a surprise happened to me when I went to MFF 2017 - I won a 2nd fursuit that looks like a fire-based fursona. So I had to redesign my fire fursona to create Phuell, the corgsky (was originally a corgi/wolf, but a dream happened that made me change him to corgi/husky). The earth fursona, Phirmm, had to go through 2 redesigns and then I scrap them both once I got the corgsky. Since then, I haven't really spent time to recreating my earth and air fursonas.

2017 - 2020: Not much for fursona updates and such, except at the back of my mind, I've been constantly thinking of what my hybrid species for my earth and air fursonas would be and I couldn't make up my mind.

Late 2020-present: Finally got to redesign my earth fursona - Pheltt, a bougar (badger/cougar), and I'm really happy how he turned out, keeping the same "patterns" that I have with name, dom/sub species with tail/ears respectfully, and other fur markings. Now it's just my air fursona and I was looking at some old pics of Dragonphlu. Technically, that eastern furry dragon mix can be my air fursona. However, I lost connection with him for years......until now. I decided that I will bring him back, but reborn as a different hybrid species (but dominantly Eastern dragon).

Why bringing my first fursona back, but redesigning him alittle? The world is always dynamic and with life, one can gain various experiences and learn new things and discoveries. Dragonphlu is still my first fursona that I've ever made and there are quite a number of furs who still remember him and some who didn't realize that I have moved on to be the totter. So for the redesign, "Dragonphlu" would be older with a couple new features on him. As for the hybrid part of him....well, that will be seen one day with a pic showing back then and now to compare.

I haven't really spend too much time here. 2020 has been very chaotic for me this year. Going through a lot of physical, emotional, mental stress. I don't know where to start.

I am recovered from the accident back in February and am to walk again, but a couple things (like the discoloration on the knee) will still remain until at least a year after the trauma. I'm told that it's possible that I may not be able to do certain activities ever due to the injury. Work has kept me busy, but at least I'm glad that I have a steady income. However, I am single again.

Single again?! How?

Well, it seems to have been a build up since the beginning of this year. Whenever we try to get a plan to meet up, we had to cancel it due to various circumstances. COVID made it a lot worse. Couple months ago, I realized that my anxiety and depression has becoming more frequent because I fear that our relationship was dwindling; and it was. I discovered the 5 "Love Languages" and I value quality time and physical touch a lot, and because of the pandemic and having to recover from my injury, both of those values have not been met. We tried to get each other into some other hobbies, but we never could due to time and such. And while we had been chatting every day, my anxiety still is telling me that things have changed. I was hoping to get re-assurance that things will be okay, but I didn't receive that comfort. I even had a dream/nightmare that we broke up due to my anxiety/depression. And a few days later, that did came true. He said that I should be with a guy who is more available and supportive than he is able to. Since he's on a military base in another state, he's got a lot of restrictions that won't allow him to come visit me and they don't allow visitors. Of course, I was heartbroken. I blame myself and my anxiety and worriedness for the cause.

It's been a week since the broke up. I've recuperated for the most part. I understand that it didn't work out. We both have different needs and wants in a relationship. We have different hobbies, other than fursuiting and furmeets. Our fetishes/kinks are different, but at least we both give each other's a try. We gave the relationship a try, but it wasn't a good match.

I went to seek some anxiety counseling help and hope they can help me cope with these sudden anxiety/depression moments that I get. Sometimes it gets triggered when certain events happen and it makes some sort of a flashback for me.

Things have been rough for me this year, and I'm sure many of us are going through tough times as well. I wanted to let you all know (for those who still watch me here) of what's been happening to me. I hope to become better and one day find a guy who can fulfill my needs and I can fulfill his.

I haven't really go onto FA much other than posting art commissions. Just a big update that happened to me and my boyfriend, Kokkivo.

We were driving up to Evergreen mountain area in Kokkivo's truck. We were picking up his bodysuit. It was all great until we were leaving the maker's house. The weather was snowing moderately and the roads were covered in snow/ice/slush. As we were driving down, Kokkivo tried to go slow, about 10 mph; in addition to the weather condition, I tend to get motion sickness with the higher altitude and the twists and turns in the mountain if we went faster than 15 mph. Unfortunately, as we were going down a slope, we were losing traction. Kokkivo was hitting his brakes but the truck kept gaining speed. We reached a corner and as we try to turn, there was a plow truck. We tried to turn more so that we can hope to go into a ditch, but instead, we hit the plow truck. Kokkivo's side was smashed into the plow, but I ended up with the most injuries. Both my knees and my left rib area were injured. We overheard the plow trucker and another truck driver (who was coming up shortly after the crash) yelling at each other while we were in the damaged vehicle. All I heard was the truck driver was cussing and threatening the plow trucker to move out of the way, not giving a care that there's injured people inside the crashed vehicle. Sadly, no one got the license plate of that trucker because he was hindering us for calling 911. We both managed to get out of the damaged truck and, due to adrenaline rush, I went to take photos. However, as seconds gone by, I was limping and getting shortage of breathing. After awhile, the ambulance came and the paramedics did a quick analysis on both of us. My right knee was swollen huge and I felt sharp pain on my left side rib area. Kokkivo had his right eyelid burnt and blood blisters on his knuckles. I was taken to the ER while Kokkivo had to stay behind to wait for police.

I had to stay overnight at the hospital because my right knee was so swollen that they wanted to monitor me to make sure nothing else gets severe. After several hours had gone by, Kokkivo was able to come over and was able to spend the night and rest of the weekend with me (with permission from his military higher-ups because he's the only "family member" that is close to me and local. The x-rays show no broken or fractured bones, thankfully; my right knee and left side rib area are bruised. The next day after the accident, the swollen on my knee stopped and I was discharged from the hospital. However, I have to be on crutches for awhile.

I do recall Kokkivo put his right arm out in front of me so that my head/upper body doesn't hit the dashboard. We could have gotten worse conditions but we're both thankful that we didn't. The accident was a nature freak one because of how bad the snowfall had gotten and how slippery the roads were. But we're both thankful that we're alive and a lot of locals and online furs wish us both quick recovery and gave us much love and support.

I have a couple photos of my knee and its progression, but I don't think I should upload them here since it's not furry related.

Yes, a very much needed update. Lots of things have changed since my last journal.

First off, I've not been very active on here. I'm more active on Twitter and other sites. I've been checking from time to time here, but I just don't feel the same as it was years ago. I may continue be just checking back here from time to time. I may move onto a different site.

Second, I started my new job as a staffing manager back in late April/early May. I am done with that hotel job. This new one has been a bit intense since I've never done any of the stuff before. A month later, I did manage to pick up most things, just have to make sure I don't mess up on the small details (that can lead to big troubles).

And finally, many local furs are aware of this, but not many online do. After several encounters and conflicts that affect negatively with our relationship, it was best that Uriah and I to be good friends instead of boyfriends. This was back around the later half of February. We still hang out and have fun.


And being single again a few months later, a surprise came. Things are going surprisingly well and fast. In fact, it was going so fast, it may as well be like those Disney Princess movies. Things are not final yet, but very soon.


But I should still apologize for not being active here and just keeping those who only check for updates to be in the dark about what's been happening to me. All I know is that I'm in a better situation than where I was several months ago (job-wise) and that Uriah and I can still be good friends (You are still a wonderful fusky whom many furs, including me, love <3).

I started with food poisoning on Feb 17th. That lasted for several days and then I got a chest cold. And then after that chest cold, I got another chest cold currently. And work isn't letting me take a break to recover because they are low on staff and I'm too dependable (because I can do front desk, cook, bartending, and housekeeping). I used to like my job, but after DenFur, things were just going downhill for me and even my requested days off are getting denied more frequently. There is also a lack of communication and duty from AM shift crew transition to PM shift crew and sometimes, I gotta clean up or do AM shift duties in addition to doing PM shift duties.

Today is actually the first that I've just slept most of the time to try to recover, but chest colds are a pain cause they take a long while to get rid of. And then I got more work for the next several days. All this sickness and work load caused me not only physical stress, but mental and emotional stress. Thankfully, Uriah helped comfort me greatly and besides him, my fur friends help and they all help me get through these hard times.

I haven't really posted much here on FA. I've been more active on Twitter when it comes to posting and well, fursuiting and hanging out and meeting so many local furs here.

Looking back, the first half of the year was great, but then the latter half, specifically starting during DenFur 2018, it got even better! I have a wonderful boyfriend/mate whom I love. I have 3 fursonas with fursuits (3rd is getting adjusted and will show in the future). I've made so many wonderful friends here in Colorado and also those whom I've met at DenFur 2018! I have a new job working at a hotel and enjoy my position for the most part. I also got to be reunited with my good online friend whom I've known for several years now and playing online games with him again.

Hopefully 2019 will be even better! ^___^

Yup, turn 35 today and I had a nice time hanging out with another fur who has the same birthday at me. We went to Krispy Kreme doughnuts and were trying to take selfies of us in our fursuit (just head/paws) when the owner came over and took photos with us. He was friendly and nice and was happy that we came. He wanted to get some highlight for his store and we were the ones, so it felt really good to make it wonderful to him. ^__^

I went to IKEA and got $15 gift from them as well as a free meatball meal. The drive back home was sadly over an hour due to it being rush-hour traffic. >.<

I went and got some Noodles & Company (Japanese noodles, but use ramen noodles instead) and since I have the app, I got myself a free mac n cheese. I actually wanted to try the truffle mac, but I couldn't redeem 2 rewards on the same day. The guy there (maybe he's the manager) allowed me to get the mac n cheese and I just pay for the added bacon and mushrooms/truffles.

Evening came and I just sat and ate my noodles while watching a playthrough of King's Quest 5 and 7 (I had played them years ago and it was just nostalgic to watch).

Throughout today, I tweeted my birthday on twitter and quite a number of furs wish me a happy birthday, both local and out of state/country.

It was a great birthday overall.

Is on sale on Steam for $20!

I am very tempted to get it. I never get to play Skyrim to its fullest (only played for a few hours when it first came out). And then I heard about these mods that can alter appearances and gameplay and got me intrigue.


Also, I can't wait to get Phloww his bodysuit, so that he'll be a full fursuiter!! So excited!

Work has kept me busy. I learned that hotels are busiest during summer. It does make me not able to make youtube videos, but will still keep trying.

After over 2 months of waiting for support to delete my old account, I am now able to make a new Discord account! I just now need to re-add all my friends and groups back.

I realized that it's been over a month since I've made a journal here. I have been checking on FA from time to time. I've actually been more active on Twitter since it's easier and quicker for me to make updates on what's been happening.

My hotel job is going well for the most part. I did had to learn some rough mistakes that I've made while I am also getting compliments on other duties. A friend of mine, who is also a furry, is also working at the same hotel (I referred him) and it's great, but the only issue is that the boss doesn't want us both to always have the same days off (unless it's two separate reasons). Which means, I may not be able to go to fur cons that he goes to. The two he mainly goes to are BLFC and MFF, which means, I may not be able to go as well. However, I could try attending a different fur con, perhaps TFF or FWA next year.

I am also slow on my youtube video making due to work, but this week, I'm getting a couple mid-day shifts, which means I may have more free time to be home and be able to record/film (since I've been working at 2pm-11pm) without waking my housemates.

March 21st is the special day that I got my totter fursuit! A few friends came to witness the unboxing and hang out. The video of the unboxing will be ready on my youtube channel very soon! Expect some totter photos also coming soon!!

I honestly spend more time on Telegram and Twitter because they are easily accessible on my phone. I sadly have to remake my Discord account due to the authenticator doesn't sync with the client and I didn't have a backup code. It's annoying that I have to wait 30 days before I can use the same email address.

My hotel job is going well! I enjoy it very much and even had gotten compliments of my performance. Sure, there are times when it gets intense/stressful, but overall, I like my job. Plus, it pays a bit more than my previous 2 part-time jobs combined. Thanks to the cushion I have for my finances, I'm gonna see about getting a personal loan - mainly for condensing my loans/debts and have lower APR interest. And hopefully, help save up some more money.

I received a nice amount of tax refund money this time and I was going to spend half of it on furry stuff (the other half will go into savings). Due to time and needing to still make good impression and performance at my new job, I can't go to BLFC or FWA. So, I decided to spend the furry money portion on......getting a partial fursuit!

Yes, a third Gleam is in the making. For those of you who had been following me or chatting with me, you may know that I've been wanting to have 4 fursonas (and 4 fursuits) - each character representing an element (water, fire, air, earth); although I could go for a theme of 2 blues and 2 reds. They all will have a "Ph" first name and a "Gleam" in their last name. I am happy to see my furry dream is making some progress.

Because of my full-time job, it's getting a little bit difficult for me to make more youtube videos, but I'm gonna see if I can try to spend even just 30 mins to see about making the next content. As I am typing this journal, I have half of footage already made, but needs editing. I need to figure out how to get the other half done.

Also, my hotel job may allow me to possibly attend MFF or TFF (we'll see how things go).

So...the first photo that I received of my totter fursuit head didn't show the right brown color (lighting and such), which made me thought I had a different brown than what was in the first ref sheets. Therefore, I messed it up and will either need to contact the artist who did my "2.0" ref sheet to adjust the color or get an updated/accurate ref sheet of Phloww. >.<

Today, January 23rd marks two good things - 1st anniversary of my youtube channel and video making and I got the job at Hyatt hotel as a front desk agent!

I was able to make my next video, featuring  xanmyrparallax , and us making Japanese candies and upload it on the same day that I uploaded my first youtube video! I hope to continue making more videos this year!

I got the call from  MaikohGrey , telling me that the background check is cleared and I got the job! When I heard him telling me this over the phone, I literally had to refrain from squealing loudly with excite. After the call, of course, I was squealing and dancing around my room. I'm so happy to get the job and start my hotel hospitality career! I get to start training this Friday! The hospitality and guest servicing that I did at Disney Store was what made me discover where my talents are. The same hotel also has openings for part-time housekeeper or shuttle bus driver, so if I really do need to work extra to make more money, I could try applying for either one; or I could try a part time at a 24-hour fitness center as a service rep (and maybe check out any cute/sexy guys as they work out).

Also, I'm told by my fursuit maker that I may get my totter fursuit finish sometime next month or March (hopefully). I can't wait to be Phloww! I am still planning on making an unboxing video of him once I do get him.

I managed to contact a credit card company, a bank loan, and a insurance, telling them about my situation, and was able to get some financial cushion or advice on what to do. Each representative gave me specific instructions on what to do and in order to prevent penalties. So I'm glad I got some breather.

Also, I won't be commissioning art and pledge patreons during this time until I get a bit more financially stable. However, I do have some art that I've commissioned previously that are still in progress. I have about 5-6 that I'm still waiting on and these were BEFORE the incident I received this past week. So don't be surprised that you'll see a few more submissions when I do receive them. I will also mention that in each submission description to prevent any confusions.

I am still job hunting and going to try my best to have happy flows and positive fuels everyday.

I just got off of the family call on Google Hangout with my 2 sisters. I got to see my little niece (she's adorable!).

So the reason my mom was in the hospital in Taiwan - she had pneumonia, stroke, and diagnosed with diabetes. She didn't notify us kids about her situation until 3 days later before she called my sisters. She didn't call me because she knows I'm trying to build my new life in Colorado. Our mom's the type that is willing to sacrifice her own to help us so that we don't have the same struggles that she is going through. But we three kids want to make sure she is also taking care of her well being. Thankfully, she is fine and recovering in Los Angeles, CA with my sisters. The plan is still going with mom moving to CA, but the tactic is different. Since I moved out of the condo, she plans to move into it and sell the other house and then sell her business. The condo itself is a mess due to that stupid downstairs neighbor keep trying to blame more stuff on my mom. Anyways, when she does move to CA (which is earliest is this summer), she may try to continue her dental practice there for a little bit.

I told my sisters my financial situation and they told me not to worry about mom as they both will help take care of her and I am sadly in a situation where I cannot help her. One of my sisters is handling our financial situation for the family as a whole and so she told me that mom is still able to provide some money for me due to my temporary situation. She also gave me some suggestions of ways to help with finding a part-time job that is very flexible so that I can work with a full-time job to help with paying debt, even donating plasma to get some quick cash. Since my tax filing is easy, despite having also moving and such, my sister suggested to try TurboTax and see if I can do it myself (or just need someone to help me with how to file taxes).

Overall, I feel more at ease. My sister is expecting me to call back about the hotel job (seeing if I am hired) and also how much money that I need during this temporary situation. I said half the paycheck (original plan), but she said she preferred it be more just so that I am not scraping by each month.

The sad part of all this is that now both sides of my family has stroke incident and my mom side has diabetes. So now I need to improve my food intake and activities.

Yesterday, I found out that I lost my other part time job with my mom's dental office. Apparently, she was in the hospital in Taiwan while visiting. She is fine and recovering in Los Angeles with one of my sisters, thankfully. However, that would mean I may have lost my job and now jobless. It does not help that I have 2 loans and 2 credit card debts that I still have to pay, in addition to rent and insurances.

I got a family chat very soon here to discuss what plans to do with the situation that just happened. I'm already going to guess that I won't get paycheck for this month. I currently can't afford any money to help with mom's hospital bill.

It also doesn't help that I tend to overthink things and having a cold right now.

There is a possibility that I can get a job very soon. I'll be getting a call for a follow-up interview and hope I can get this job. I just hope that the loans/debts would allow me to have some sort of grace period or something.

So I am officially no longer working for Disney Store. The last day was on Jan. 15th. Today, we had our farewell potluck party with all the current cast members. I was allowed to bring Phuell to the party. Almost everyone loved him (except for one who has a phobia for mascots/animal costumes). I've shown several of them photos of Phuell and pictures of Phloww. Some look forward to seeing Phloww's suit in the future! It is sad that I won't be working for Disney anymore, but perhaps it's for the best. After all, it was part of my old lifestyle. At least, my Disney family and I are keeping in touch.

I still have my other part time job but the paycheck is cut in half, so I am applying for new jobs lately. There is one that seems promising - a hotel front desk agent position. One of the assistant managers is also a furry and whom I've met a few times now and he's been helping and advocating me for the position, so I really hope that I do get it. Background checks a while to complete and there are other interviews that the hiring manager has to attend, but so far, I seem to be good candidate so far.

May you all have happy flows and positive fuels in this new year!