I don't know if the person who I'm mostly writing this for will ever see it, but here it goes...

A lot happens over the years. Things happen, people find their faults. I found mine, and they ate away at me for so long. I still constantly blame myself when things go wrong, put so much weight on myself, convince myself that I'm the reason that others are driven away from me and I deserve whatever hate and judgement I assume they have for me. And I get so desperate to make amends for whatever I did wrong to these people that it becomes an obsession and I just ostracize myself further. This is exactly what happened here, and why my account got a harassment warning from the FA Staff.

But I also know that it is much easier to remember and dwell upon the negative than it is the positive. It is never my intention to bombard my friends with all the bad shit going on in my life. I do not, nor have I ever wanted them to be my emotional crutches. Over the years I've seen how I've acted so stupid, getting jealous over fantasies, that it's very clear to me now how what I said and how I acted back then easily got mistaken for me wanting more than just friendship. But that's not true. I... I treasured that friendship so much, so much that I felt like I needed proof of it, for myself and others...

I don't expect to be forgiven. Frankly I don't expect these words to ever be seen by the person they are mostly intended for. But this isn't a pity party. I just want you to know that I am working to better myself, as hard as it is, and how painfully easy it is to slip back into my self-destructive depressed mindset when my efforts fail. Even right now my thoughts in the back of my head are telling me that it will serve me right if this gets ignored or reported... But I hate those thoughts, I hate them more than anything. I never want to have them again.

Just... please stop seeing me as the old me, and give the new me a chance to shine through.

So last night my grandfather passed away, and we aren't entirely sure on the details. He went out to water the garden for the evening, a half hour passed and my grandmother went out to check on him. He was lying on his back near the garden, the water hose running. We're thinking it was a heart attack, as he'd been dealing with an irregular heartbeat for quite some time now.

I'm still in shock and trying to process it. I just saw him the night before and he was perfectly fine. We watched part of a baseball game together and laughed at how the Yankees completely turned their game around against the Rangers and just kicked their asses, 21 to 5. I keep wanting to crawl in bed and wake up to him still being here. I miss him so goddamn much...

So I finally got around to purchasing the Portal Duology off of Steam, got all the achieves for Portal 1 and Portal 2's single player, so now I'm onto co-op! YAY!

But first, I guess I need actual friends on Steam.

So friend me, please!

Steam ID is the same as here, Drawxne.

Everything is cool when we're part of a team!
Everything is AWESOME!!!
When we're livin' our dream!

..yeah, saw the Lego Movie today. Frickin'. Epic.

And did I mention AWESOME!!!

OH FUCK YES!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aX2KNyaoNV4

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

So lately I've been thinking about changing up my dragon character, Squall. He's supposed to be a storm dragon, but looking at the drawings of him I have he doesn't seem too... storm-like. Anyone willing to share their advice on ways I can improve his appearance? For example, what shades of grey and blue would go well together?

...yeah, 'nuff said.

"LEAVE ME ALONE! >_<"

Soooo much fun stocking up on magics then hauling ass out of battle, hehe.

Also, I got the MiniMog card. From my first Triple Triad game. With the 7 starter cards. Yaaaay.

'nuff said.

I'm looking for anyone who might be willing to draw me a quick reference sheet of one of my characters, Squall the storm dragon. I'm terrible at drawing muscular dragons and reptiles...

In order to brush up on my drawings skills and get my name out there in the world, I've decided to accept some art requests. My art is traditional media, pencil/pen on paper. And did I mention that they're FREE? PM me or leave a note here if interested.

Current Requests:

1.  Akamaru42

Stolen from  crocdragon89

1. Choose a few of your own characters. Five at the most.

2. Make them answer the following questions and have them interact.

3. Then tag some people.


Characters:

Marcus
Squall
Isaac

1) WHAT SPECIES ARE EACH OF YOU?

Marcus: Red fox, specifically a cross fox.
Squall: So you're religious?
Marcus: *shrugs off the comment, but starts to play with the Celtic pendant around his neck* We're called that because of our fur pattern. You've seen my backside plenty of times. *smirks*
Squall: *chuckles* Western dragon, storm.
Isaac: Border collie.

2) BOY OR GIRL?

Marcus: Boy
Squall: *flexes* All man here, baby.
Isaac: *looks away from Squall's display of muscle with a blush, putting his paws in his lap*
Marcus: *looks over Squall at Isaac* I think what my canine friend wants to say is that he's a boy too, judging by the bulge he wants to conceal...
Isaac: H-Hey!

3) HOW OLD ARE YOU?

Marcus: Just turned 21 around a month ago.
Squall: Heh, remind me to take ya out for a drink sometime. 27 here.
Isaac: I'm 18.

4) WHAT'S YOUR HEIGHT?

Marcus: I'm 5'11", but sometimes I just round up to 6' even.
Squall: *grins and puts his claws behind his head* 7'2", not counting my wingspan.
Marcus: Your ego is twice as tall.
*all three laugh, Marcus chuckling, Squall a hearty laugh, Isaac a polite giggle*
Isaac: *waits for the laughter to die down before speaking* I'm 5'6"

5) ARE YOU A VIRGIN?

Marcus: Well, uh... *blushes slightly and scratches his cheek*
Squall: Heh, looks like someone's a bit shy...
Isaac: Some of us aren't as comfortable talking about sex as you are.
Squall: What? There's nothing that bad about it, is there? In fact, the reason we exist is because our parents got it on one night.
Isaac: Oh god, I just got some really bad mental images from that...
Marcus: *clears his throat* No, I'm not a virgin.
Squall: *smiles proudly* Neither am I.
Isaac: I am...

6) DO YOU LOVE ANYONE?

Marcus: Leon, my mate and one true love.
Issac: *sighs softly* I wish I had someone like that in my life...
Squall: Eh, you'll find someone eventually.
Isaac: Do you have someone you love?
Squall: Aside from you guys? Not really.
Marcus: *smirks* You'll find someone eventually.

7) DO YOU HATE ANYONE?

Marcus: Not really, no. I'm not a 'hate' kind of person.
Squall: The guy who uses the locker right next to mine at the gym, always complaining about how much I stink. Nothing wrong with smelling a bit musky, right?
Isaac: *looks down* My father, always trying to push me down the same 'manly' path as him.
Marcus: C'mon, Isaac, I think the cute and lithe look really fits you.


8) HAVE YOU KILLED ANYONE?

*silence*
Squall: What the hell kind of question is that? Of course not!
*Marcus and Isaac nod sternly*

9) DO YOU HAVE ANY SECRETS?

Marcus: Don't we all?
Squall: Depends on the kind of secret.
Isaac: Why do I have a feeling there was an underlying sexual meaning in that?
Squall: What about you, pup?
Isaac: No secrets here.

10) WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

Marcus: Ohh, that's a tough one... Pizza, I suppose. *smiles sheepishly and mumbles to himself* and lion...
Squall: Sirloin, medium rare.
Isaac: Lamb chops.

11) WHAT DO YOU DO TO RELAX?

Marcus: I usually take a bath or just relax on the bed.
Squall: Go for a flight. The evening air feels great.
Isaac: Read.
Marcus: What genre?
Isaac: Sci-Fi.
Squall: You mean with robots and stuff?
Isaac: Nah, more of the kind that takes place in the very near and possible future.

12) WHAT SEASON DO YOU LIKE BEST AND WHY?

Marcus: Autumn. Just something about the crisp air and the colors of the land, it's really soothing.
Squall: Summer. Hello, muscle beach!
Isaac: Spring.

13) IS THERE ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE YOU REGRET DOING?

Marcus: Accepting this interview. Why was I not told there would be questions like this?
Squall: "Don't look behind you with regret, but look ahead with hope." That's my motto.
Isaac: Fighting with my dad all the time.

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR LIFE EXPECTANCY IS?

Marcus: I plan to live to a ripe old age, that's all I'm saying.
Squall: Few hundred years, maybe?
Isaac: I'd rather not answer.


15) HOW DO YOU IMAGINE YOUR DEATH TO BE?

Marcus: Lying on a bed, with Leon next to me, our fur grey with old age.
Squall: Going out with a bang, action hero style.
Isaac: ...Can we go back to the pleasant questions, please?

16) YOU ARE TO BE PUT TO DEATH FOR A CRIME YOU DID NOT COMMIT, WHAT WOULD YOUR LAST WORDS BE?

Marcus: Where's Phoenix Wright when you need him?
*Marcus and Squall laugh, while Isaac just cracks a smile as he fidgets in his seat, noticably uncomfortable*
Squall: Karma's a bitch.
Isaac: Can I go home now?
Squall: *puts a meaty arm around the collie* Hey, you can bet that me and Marcus would never let anything like that happen to ya.
Isaac: *nods* Yeah, thanks.

17) IF YOU'D HAVE WON THE LOTTERY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH THE MONEY?

Marcus: Take Leon and move to a large cabin near the mountains where it snows a lot. That's one of his dreams.
Squall: Open my own chain of bodybuilding gyms.
Isaac: I dunno, give it to charity? I really don't have much need for a lot of money. Although some fancy clothes to wear might be nice.

18) IF ANYONE CAME UP WITH A NICKNAME FOR YOU, WHICH WOULD IT BE?

Marcus: Marc, Foxy, Puppy...
Squall: Beefcake.
Issac: People call me Pup, that's about it.

19) IF YOU'D BE FANTASTIC AT ONE SPORT, WHICH WOULD IT BE?

Marcus: Swimming. I love it.
Squall: I've always been a fan of soccer. *shrugs*
Isaac: Rugby.
Marcus: Seriously?
Isaac: *blushes softly*

20) AND FINALLY, DO YOU HAVE ANY PHOBIAS?

Marcus: Losing my lion, or anyone else I cared about.
Squall: Umm, let's see... I get uneasy at Rennaissance fairs, all those knights and jousters...
Isaac: I'm claustrophobic.


Aaaand that's about it. As for step 3, I don't know what it means to tag some people.

Stolen from  GreenEyedT, who stole it from  bacent.

1) What was your FIRST video game console?
- Atari

2) Name a few games you played on said console.
-ET (Sad, I know...)

3) Excluding handhelds, how many VG consoles do you own presently?
- PS2, Wii.

4) Were you a Street Fighter nut? Any character in particular?
- I guess. Used Chun-Li a lot.

5) Do you think Capcom is a FUCKING awesome company with kickass character designs?
- When it comes to Resident Evil, yes. *hugs Jill and Ada*

6) Here's the scenario.. You had some friends over and you all ate FRIED CHICKEN! After the meal you all decide to play some video games. As your friend reaches for a controller you notice his/her hands are very "greasy." Are you the type that would insist they wash their hands before pawing the controller, or is it no big deal?
- Grease + Any of my electronics = Potentially deady psychotic episode.

7) What's your favorite RPG/Action RPG?
- I have not one favorite... All the Final Fantasy games, Tales games, Shin Megami Tensei games, especially the Persona series.

8) Do you prefer 2D games or 3D games?
- Umm... both?

9) Are you an SNK fan?
- ...say wha?

9) Are you good at DDR?
- I wish.

10) Who wants to kick that dog's ass from Duck Hunt?
- *grabs a shotgun* I swear if I hear that laugh one more time...

11) Have you skipped out on important events in life because of video games?
- Once or twice.

12) Do you listen to video game music?
- Pretty much makes up my music playlist.

13) Have you ever cosplayed a VG character?
- I want to.

14) Have you ever been in an arcade playing a fighting game, KICKING ASS, and then some 6 year old asian kid comes in and OWNS YOU??
- Nope, not a fan of fighting games.

15) Name three games you would love to see remakes of if it was done properly.
- I exercise my right to refrain from answering this question.

16) Mario or Sonic?
- What, no Mega Man?!

17) When a movie shows up in the theaters, let's use Spider-man as an example, are you likely to buy the GAME version?
- No, because they suck 99% of the time.

18) What is your LEAST favorite genre of video games? (ex. fighting, sports, shooters, etc.)
- Sports

19) Is there a game out there that you feel was unique and didn't get enough love?
- Legend of Dragoon

20) Have you ever verbally abused a game because you couldn't beat one of the levels and/or bosses?
- Yes

21) Do you own any VG apparel?
- *proudly wears my Legend of Zelda t-shirt*

22) What are your thoughts on the live-action Super Mario Bros movie?
- Eh, it was ok.

23) On that note, what did you think about the live-action Street Fighter movie?
- LAME.

24) Who's hottest out of the KOF chicks?
- Never played it.

25) Do you say "old-school" a lot when you're having a VG conversation with others?
- No.

26) Have you ever lent someone a game and they returned it to you damaged?
- Anyone who touches my games leaves my room with a broken wrist.

27) Do you own any imported games?
- No.

28) Are you ready for this meme to be over, or could you keep going?
- Yes, end the pain now...

29) In this scenario, let's pretend you're going to get a video game tattoo! What would you get and where? This can be simple or elaborate.
- Triforce tattoo on the back of my right hand, with the Wisdom piece shiny and the others slightly faded.

30) Have you ever cried after you beat a game? If so why?
- I cried at the end of Persona 3. I just had such a sad and touching ending...