hi i draw a lot, like a lot of shit every week

today marks nearly 2 weeks without taking commissions which uhhh, obviously ain't good for the wallet, especially since we're doing a lot of travels to clinics and hospitals due to a surprise fun happy life thing

this obviously isn't me being like "oh hey feel bad for me," i just feel like getting it out there that after certain events, things got pretty violent andddd simply put, i don't wanna work on commissions, so i'm not going to for a while unless i absolutely feel like i can focus.

i'll doodle some stuff on my own time, and i'm also throwing together a fanfic over on AO3 just to take my mind off things and sorta vent to myself.

i can't really think of anything else i wanna say because i'm still cooling down, and it's about to get a hell of a lot worse very soon (but hopefully not)

so yeah, obligatory black and white youtube video thumbnail of sad man going "goodbye" and you click on it and they're like "Goodbye...to unskippable ads and region-locked movies on netflix with NordVPN!"

i'm going to shove a whole catalytic converter up my own asshole it's so fucking hot that when i get out of the shower i end up ruining my fresh clothes in sweat.

if only i weren't a blubbery beached whale of a human but i mean hey, happy almost-summer (yeah it's still technically spring isn't it, how funny is that)

sunday, sunday, sunday (and saturday) BE THERRRRRRERrerr


i forgot what i was actually going to write cos i got mentally cockblocked by a youtube poop

uhh be sure to buy your daddy a fucking radial saw for christmas so he can cut your fingers off

lately i've been hyperfixated on how much negativity i associate with a lot of my older art, to the point where i've been obsessively tempted to nuke all my accounts online (a bad idea).

just feels like a looming threat over my head at all times of having loose ends kinda dangling around doing nothing, not too sure but i just want a fresh start on life, or an end, one of the two

not sure anymore, gonna continue drawing until i stop

i have so much shit i wanna draw, that's one of two things that give me a reason to keep going (aside from being a fatass and enjoying food)

but holy shit if the past week of trying to make content hasn't been the biggest drag i've had in an entire year--i ended up refunding like 3 clients last week with apologetic colored sketches cos i was not feeling it

and now i just wanna make some drawings to upload and i'll like, draw part of an eye, go dissociate, come back and draw the face, go dissociate, come back and get angry cos the face looks like shit, start over, do a little better on the face but the body looks mid, go dissociate

i know there's a thing called "burnout" but what's new, everyone gets burnt out. it's just, i CANT get my full potential out, and i'm just

i dunno. i just dunno and the more i dunno the angrier people get with me and i want to go live on the moon instead

so after much convincing (as well as equal parts deterrence), i finally got around to experiencing snoot game--namely getting ending 3 in my first go through

LIKE, okay i get what folks were saying when they said "oh this game has a lot of anti-trans undertones" since in that route they had the whole "haha i fixed Fang she's Lucy now" thing which made me feel grossed out after the 3-year timeskip. I think if anyone wants the legit """"canon"""" experience, they'd strive for ending 4 since they actively acknowledge that Anon grew as a character and respected Fang's identity without completely undermining her friendship with Trish etc etc etc (it's a mess and i still may not be reading into it right but that's how i feel)

YES THIS IS A 30 YEAR-OLD ENBIE TALKING ABOUT FICTIONAL NONBINARY DINOSAURS AT A HIGH SCHOOL because i'm normal but yeah. i made the grave mistake of looking up the ending 1 & 2 routes online and they just kinda took it out of me when i didn't think they would (i was one of those people who instinctively laughed at the Goodbye Volcano High trailer at that one Playstation showcase years ago because it seemed so out of place, and I'M A FURRY for fucks sake)

anyways yeah hi i'm a dumb human Fang is based and Naomi is poo have a good day

so i recently caved in and put on a video of someone explaining the fascination of looksmaxxing the other day--i have come to the conclusion that since i'm a mouthbreathing anti-mewwer, i should be ropemaxxing to avoid the beta shame of being mogged on by the gigachad alpha mogchamps

get blackpilled on. *twerks shotgun between asscheeks and blasts 1/3 of skull from backside into a million pieces, rearranging my skull into a more socially desirable shape*

and no it wasn't 1471

so like i had a dream about a door in my house that wasn't there before where i kept feeling i shouldn't check it because it gave me an overwhelming sense of dread; ACCORDING TO MY DREAM, just looking at it too many times would trigger an anomaly to spawn at random and hunt me without any warning

???????????

so i never shared this one before and i'm in a stupid enough mood

once upon a ass, i had a dream one night my cousin was over and he had a fucking bigass cock coming out the middle of his back

the end

men.

SO LAST NIGHT'S FUN DREAM, i'd gone to bed on a 20-hour fast so i'm not sure if it had much to do with anything

i was filming a Wrestlemania event in someone's back yard and i kept trolling everyone by calling them by the wrong names, we had to pause the event because i was informed there were baby werewolves stuck up in a tree so i had to climb all the way up and carefully hand them down to a bunch of fucking buff men

the baby werewolves immediately started causing havoc just by their presence alone--they weren't actively causing harm but everyone was like "DON'T LET THEM BITE YOU!!!" and freakin out and i'm like no they're great

and then my uncle was obsessively playing the Blasto demo on a PS1 demo disc over and over and over claiming to speedrun it and then i woke up

so lately i haven't been feeling it (no thanks to covid, which has thankfully passed), but i've been on a fucking apple spree and i have no idea why

like every fucking time i go to the store i'm just bagging up apples and wanted to share my journey thus far

currently the best fucking apple in the universe is honeycrisp--it's basically candy. next to that, ambrosia

pink lady ARE good but their texture is more "scronchy" and less crispy, so they're more like red delicious but i don't like those AS much cos red d's are fucking mellow as shit and have no tartness

golden delicious i have yet to try again but i remember loving them in my youth, WAY more than granny smith which are FULL on tart and i can't fucking really vibe with those

TLDR honeycrisp are the perfect balance between sweet and tart, i would marry a honeycrisp.

melatonin will absolutely fuck you in three directions when you take it before bed

the other night i dreamed i was stranded out of state cos my truck broke down because i tried charging my mp3 player by plugging it into my gas pedal--this shorted it out somehow and then my truck wouldn't crank

i just ran through people's back yards until i found some depot where they were hosting a brony convention and everyone there was like, incredibly tall for some reason and they were all on yoga mats while an instructor kept throwing candy on the floor in bowls

i was in there like "hey i'm not a brony i just really really need to use the bathroom here and i promise i'll leave" and the yoga instructor was like reciting some creepy fuckin infomercial about their program and i kept having to leave and run all the way back across the neighborhood to use their bathroom--cos APPARENTLY this was the only fucking bathroom in the neighborhood i guess

this dragged out so much and i am now remembering why i stopped taking melatonin for like a whole year.

so i partnered with a company to make some Fiona plushies--at some point or another i'll be receiving a prototype and i can get a product campaign started for a minimum of 100 units for preorder

the WORST timing ever happened cos i've been blacklisted on twitter where i have most of my following--no one can see my replies, and only folks following me can see my posts

long story short i just wanna know if those would be high enough in demand to share with here whenever that time comes? just seeing the kinda audience i'm working with

wowee it's been like 12 years here on furaffinity and i just noticed i hit 10K followers here

i have NO CLUE if that's good or bad but that's a lot of blood, bone and semen

i have nothing prepped for the situation so i'm drinking a coffee and thinking about how i should draw bigger boobs so i'll just do that in the future

have a tuesday

2024 is on the horizon so i am setting unrealistic expectations and goals instead of tempering my aspirations as i normally do, cos that never goes well anyways so FUCK IT we going elbow-deep in this asshole and i'm ripping out someone's prostate like that one fatality from Splatterhouse

anyways yeah 2024 we'll be getting the Switch 2, a five-second look at Metroid Prime 4, Sly Cooper 5, Resident Evil Code Veronica Remake AND RE9, Jak & Daxter will be back, I'll finally pass this kidney stone in my girlfriend's bathroom, and twitter will finally collapse under the weight of all the pornbot titties that's on there.

have a tuesday

so ok twitter hates me enough to where it OMEGA shadowbanned me to where nobody can see my replies or posts--the reason? apparently i "overpromote" my business there for commissions and retweet too much

thankfully i can safely talk here so lemme just get this out

Elon Musk, you're like a gallstone that was shat out of a prolapsed anus, you're like a grandma's floppy deflated veiny tit lactating ricotta cheese, you're like a fucking failed abortion that was left to shrivel in a dumpster and was mistaken for a sundried raisin

Elon Musk you make me feel special, like the kind of special when someone gives you an expired coupon for JCpenney from 2007

Elon Musk PLEASE go fucking jump off a boat into a pool of buffalo piss and pigshit, you have a stupid fucking inverted smile and your wife is a cumslut

sincerely,

some fucking suicidal cunt on the internet

there i said it, i love socks too

i can't take breaks from my work, i'm just burnt out and i'm failing to meet my clients' demands now

literally miserable today cos i took 2 days off this week instead of the usual half day off and i hate myself as a result and hope i get struck by lightning in the shape of a big ogre cock

why is december going by faster than those fucking assholes on the interstate with 50 headlights on their trucks brighter than the fucking sun at 2 in the morning

part of me wants to take a week off since i've been tripling up on work due to medical bills and vehicular repairs (this is not a cry for help with more comms, i'm staying busy, thank you tho kis kis)

but at the same time i hate NOT working cos i don't know how to "relax" cos working IS my relaxation sorta so i'm just

uhhh

please read that in wario's voice thanks

anyways your regularly scheduled dosage of abhorrent pessimism and hard to swallow pills (please read no further as holidays are stressful and y'all don't need more of this)

---

ya REALLY get to thinking when the person you've looked up to your whole life says how they hate having to "pretend to be happy for Christmas," when it shouldn't have to be that way. i WISH they had a chance to actually be happy, when you're trying your best to make life better for them and they seem to overlook every aspect of it in favor of the lack thereof

i'm not saying "OH BE HAPPY" cos i struggle with mental health a lot, i've been in a losing battle since college and blah blah yack yack y'all know the story about that--i just need to learn to live for myself instead of others cos my life's goal since as far as i could recall at the end of highschool was to help my family as much as i could

i can only do so much tho with all the other cumchugging failed abortions we call humans living here who make it harder on the people who ever tried, i'd just love to die in my sleep peacefully but knowing my luck i'd go out with the most painful agonizing heart attack that lasted for like 30 minutes or something lmao!!!

oh well, can't even kill myself right, i just wanna enjoy one more holiday season but i can't even have that without all the misery and borderline hatred around


TLDR, don't be like me, go fucking live for yourself and don't set unrealistic expectations on the pretense that you HAVE to sacrifice your sanity in favor of someone else; developing a looking-glass self image like that is setting yourself up for failure if you really view your self-worth as a workhorse instead of a human being

i love the holidays, i'm a cumslut for me some americanized paganism, love decorating and baking

but part of me hates it SO much cos i grew up witnessing my grandma being abused to cater towards everyone around the holidays and she fuckin hated it, so i feel i should hate it too if that makes any sense

IDK MAN she's had to deal with so many mentally fucked up manchilds in her life that they've just broken her and no matter how hard i try to help make up for their mistakes, doesn't seem to help

but i WANT to enjoy the fuckin holidays cos i spent a good chunk of my life saying "yeah fuck christmas everyone's a putrid cocknostril snorting dried jizz up their meatus and should hang themselves on a strand of christmas lights"

happy holidays, please try to live for yourselves cos OBVIOUSLY I CANNOT LMAO (skill issue, cope and seethe, mald etc etc whatever gen alpha says these days)

dog it's like 80 degrees this shit ain't chirmshsasjsjnmsmsmsmsms

it is december now

you're all doomed

i love canned beefaroni cos i'm a fuckass

hi i legitimately want to know what's the deal with OCD or worrying in general and making violently ridiculous work decisions

like ok i'm doing a couple different jobs, i was getting some insane burnout and finally decided "oh i need a day off" so today i get up, start working, on my day off, and while i'm working AND reminding myself it's my day off, subconsciously i'm feeling guilty for "not working"

??????? LIKE YEAH I KNOW I'M BEING FUCKING BRAINDEAD HERE BUT IT LITERALLY EATS AWAY AT MYSELF, like oh man work harder or else you're being a dunder head

i'm literally broken and don't know how to rest, and when i do rest, i'm still working