hi so i've recently unearthed the horrors that are reading reviews for mattresses online and some of these motherfuckers like Helix and Nectar are nearly a thousand dollars for a fuckin twin size memory foam

i've found SOME for upwards of 400 bucks (still a yikes) and they're MOSTLY good reviews until you get to the folks that are like "I ordered this fucking bitch and it never fluffed back into shape so it's flat" and it worries me despite a LOT of these fucking companies promoting a "money back" with a trial to try the bed out

i wish i could go back to sleeping on the floor like i did all throughout college but alas i'm fucking 30 now and my body's like "hey maybe take care of me a little more than not at all??" cos i work out a lot and my muscles are achy


TLDR do any of you have any recommendations for cheesing my way through shopping and not paying that much fuckin money just to sleep without waking up going "ugh" every 3 hours??? names, people i want names

i want pictures of spiderman fucking a mattress with a jar of vaseline

As we all know, I'm the most annoying person on this website cos I don't shut the fuck up. So that's your cue to click off of this if you don't feel like reading it. I have to include this disclaimer because some folks have acted like my venting was actively hurting them and that I should stop it. So I mean, yeah.

So that perfectly segues into what I wanted to bring up--confiding in people. Obviously I've been around looking for therapy; getting cancelled, not being called back, etc etc. I've been to like, 3 local places and they all just end up sucking.

I already brought up how I was attacked by family like, a few months ago and I've just wanted to talk to a therapist about it, much to no avail. Having to cover for my grandmother by texting my dad (off his meds at the time) while he sent her very obtuse threats, telling her to go fuck herself, so I had to pretend I was her and calm him down after he'd thrown garbage at me and freaked the fuck out when I finally snapped after all his shit.

No therapy, family refuses to talk with me on it because it boils down to "oh my god get over it." Is it really my fault if I struggle to stop going over those events in my head? That's why I want therapy, which I can't GET.

I don't want an echo chamber, but I damn sure don't want to very calmly approach someone only for them to straight up tell me, "you just don't care, you don't even try to help yourself."

I've had that remark swimming in my head a lot the past week.

hi 2023's been like the year of aggressive burnout for me--i know what everyone says like oh just take a couple days off take a break y'know, get back to that grind refreshed

ok

what happens when those couple days off don't help, what happens when everything is a chore and it actually starts affecting your skills and work flow and then your mental health and then PHYSICAL health and then you're like punching yourself in the face again?? cos some days i cannot cope and i've been tryiiiiing to find a therapist to see again, i'll take anything

i know i keep going on about how i have 3 jobs and i run the house basically by taking care of the property alongside tending to family, but i don't think that should be too much cos some people have WAY MORE shit to deal with than i do, plenty

like ok for example, i'm currently working on a 2-character commission and it's taken me since YESTERDAY AFTERNOON to finish the rendering and shaded product, when normally i can get that kinda stuff done in a matter of 4-6 hours

i know i'm always like, complaining about life i'm sorry but i just wish there was a way to be more efficient and consistent with everything

i've legit had folks online try to befriend me under the pretense that i'm some sort of sex-crazed perverted cumgoblin, meanwhile if you actually met me IRL i'm borderline asexual and just have no drive or interest in sexual activity whatsoever

unless of course we're talking about fictional characters like Rauru from Tears of the Kingdom and then i'll be like yeah i'd let him get me pregnant

but yeah no sorry guys, despite all the boobs asses and dicks i draw, i actually only care about food and sleep, which lately i've been in a love/hate relationship with so technically i'm in my apathy arc and i only care about nothing

but i'll continue to draw meat.

we should really rename christmas as 25th of december, i think we could use more streamlining and gentrification

i have not had a chance to eat any cake the past few weeks and lemme tell you i'm going feral, i want my appetite back

anyways cake frosting, buttercream or cream cheese, don't care what it is but unlike normal people i stack that shit

like if i had no conscious, i'd have my cakes 50:50 actual cake to buttercream

diabeetus jokes aside i'm not ok in the head i love frosting so fucking much

lmao gottem you mother flipping terd pile your dad smells like guns n' roses if axl rose's y-chromosomes were reconstructed with fart DNA

i hate what i've become lately as a result of this motherfucker from tears of the kingdom

it is not enough to just draw him, i need to become him

gotcha bitch there the freaks are, officer

guys it's the day after valentine's day, half price on candy

i'm going

you ever get that way where you just begin to dismiss all "morals"

like i have NO shame when i'm prepping my acrylic standees or anything when family is about--if they see the deer woman with gigantic fucking J-cup tits exploding out of her shirt, i just shrug it off

idk i just feel as tho i've "earned" this confidence cos i've drawn all my life and turned it into my full time job, for which i'm VERY GRATEFUL but i will NOT be criticized heheheh

i opened this journal with the express purpose of writing something worthwhile but then i sneezed and forgot everything

nevertheless i hope you all are doing your best

i fucking love omelets

too bad eggs are now five million dollars per square cock

see i wanted to like, stop overworking myself and take the first week off since i barely gave myself any time last year

i felt BORDERLINE SUICIDAL 3 days in, i thought the world was gonna end (probly cos i've been off my meds so hush) and i've been drawing and cleaning every day and the first week's big project was a fucking animation

GOOD START, let's try again uhh i don't want to die of a heart attack creating content :''')

dragging his fat elongated testicles across a park bench one day he thought to himself inquisitively "hm i am inquisitively thinking" and it was at that moment he discovered he was just part of an autistic hypothetical

hello and welcome to another tri-monthly mental diary of mental diarrhea

it seems my health clinic just stopped offering service to me cos my therapist finally left and they cancelled my last appointment without telling me until i'd arrived there--they stated thereafter that they don't know when they'll get someone to see me

given that this is the only local psychiatrist i can see, i hereby temporarily give up and switch to cannabis because i'm sick of fucking putting so much effort into bettering myself only for it to go 5 steps back once i get three steps ahead

when someone starts shit and turns it around once they realize they're wrong by saying "no YOU said that" and everyone is too afraid of them cos they're hostile and angry so everyone backs them up and gangs up on you

like, i've never felt my blood boil more and i always resort to self harm and people wonder why i hit myself

so it's around that time, sometime later this month i'm gonna be doing a giveaway and all you have to do to enter is roast me--tell me in a CREATIVE way all the dumb shit you may or may not hate me for and why i should get a fat lump of coal shoved up my asshole for christmas

i'll give a time and date but i'm probably just gonna be giving away some acrylic stuff, a videogame and some other dumb shit you don't care about

it's me, john wayne

welcome from twitter which is still up

anyone out there with whatever fucking flavor of ED god plagued you with, staying up at 1am watching food videos

not quite mukbang but fucking food challenges or cooking videos

it's not fair, all my friends who live in areas that get snow are always like "fuck this shit"

I WILL GLADLY GET MY ASS UP AND SHOVEL SNOW OUT YOUR DRIVEWAYS TWICE A DAY IF I HAVE TO, i've had ONE snow day here where i live my entire life and it wasn't good enough

halloween is over, jack skellington is fucking dead, and mariah carey was his murderer

did you know that halloween is actually over and that you should be preparing for the 2024 voting season and Valentine's day? don't forget about filing your taxes for 2037, it'll be here before you know it

spread them cheeks and fill up those jars son we got work to do get on that grind like sonic adventure 2 you fucking wallaby

so i said to myself for nearly 3 months straight, "i can't wait for it to be october"

now it's about to be halfway through the month this week and i still haven't decorated or anything i'm so tired please save me from ME.

concerning that recent Krystal pic where she's trapped in the glass

okay that but she's trapped in a fucking ring pop OR, she's got a fucking lollipop stick stuck up her ass and she's inside candy

how many licks does it take to get me to shut the fuck up cos this is some fucked up shit, you're welcome now go back to church or whatever y'all do on sundays