fucking livejournal making it so easy to see you -.-




why am i so retarded.
grow up dusty.

"It's a crime you let it happen to me
Out of mind, I love it, easy to please
Nevermind, forget it, just memories
All the pain inside a spiral notebook

Just send away
Please let me stay
Coming your way
I can live forever here

Forget it

How can I believe when this cloud hangs over me
You're a part of me that I don't wanna see"

ive been thinking alot tonight, not all of it bad..
most of it being thoughts of what im going to do from here


ive been thinking of people ive loved... people ive lost..
people that i will eventualy lose..

ive been thinking about relocating, about moving away and being around people that i care about
but im afraid...

whenever ive tried to make a dream come true in my life, its led me down a path that i never wanted to take...
i never wanted to lose my best friend..
i never wanted to be thrown out of his house, and have to come home

{Part omitted on FA, check my LJ if you want this part}

my best friend used to talk about our futures together, how me kex citty and him would all go to this small town where we could live like everything else in the world didnt matter.

i was naive back then and believed that dreams like that could come true, but now, im afraid to take steps to make dreams come true because of the fear that they will fail.

theres so many reasons that i should go..
my parents separating..
the person i loved more than anything moving on and becoming happy with his new life with someone else...
the mounting debt, the broken car
the minimum wage job

if i go, itll mean a better start
ill have the chance to make something of my self with the help of my friends

but if i go.. ill have given up on things...
ill have given up on my heart finding what it really wants..
and i may never be happy with myself for giving up on that chance

but to be safe? and to be loved by those that care about me... is that an equal exchange for what i lose?

i might end up happier, maybe even fixing things that were lost
but the scars of what i forfitted would remain..


theres little here for for me..
theres my friend bryan, hes the only person here whos ever really done anything for me without wanting in return from me and im greatful for that.
but hes leaving next year to move in with his mate, so one way of another im going to lose that relationship.

theres the threads of friendships i had with the furries here, who now the majority of them barely aknowledge my existance except for certain times of the year when they send me best wishes, cant say that i blame them, i do carry alot of unwanted baggage with me


if i go to PA, ill be living with furries that i know.. that ive always been able to count on and who've always supported me.
one of whom being my ex wthat i dated for 2 years till i left him in september..
he always treated me the best he could but im greedy and selfish, only concerned with what i wanted and what i craved.. and what i did was wrong.
but through that he still loves me.. but.. i dont know how i feel. i know my heart is somewhere else.. and always will be.. hbut i care for him a great deal..

i dont know.. my choices are always very difficult.. but the worse thing i can do is make no choice at all.. i have to do something and i have to commit to it and give it my whole heart or else itll fail.

i need to jump start my life, one way or another in one place or another.



"So long, Amory...
Please drive me home one last time..."
On The Brink - Coheed and Cambria

I AM THE GREAT OVERLORD LAHARL!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!



>.>

my dad bought me a laptop for christmas.

couldnt have come sooner as this ones litterally dying as im typing this!


FUCK YOU DELL LATITUDE CP-FUCKINGPIECEOFSHITBOX!

*hurls it at a cement wall like a Discus*


this is like, the only good thing to happen to me for a long time >.>

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KWKlq6MwkU

<33 coheed

i bought the first book of the comic on the 26, and its so good xD


cant wait to get the next one :DDDD

i was doing fine.

i shoukld have stayed far away like i was doing.
but stupid me has to go and look at his journals and shit..

stupid fucking dusty, as allways

ugh. hes going to see him soon if he hasnt already.. its fucking real and i hate it.


so muchfor what you said "iunno hes long distance, and i really dont want to be with someone that far away"

so much for putting my hope in that...

ugh. i need to get you the fuck out of my mind, thoughts of you are ruining my life

the only time im happy is when i completely forget you exist

youve cause me nothing but pain these passed few months

i mean.. shit i even got you a xmas present i was gonna give you when i got to see you.. but fuck that.. ill just holdon to it. maybe ill give it to someone some day.. but it would be meaningless to someone else ause its something that you liked.. -.-


gaaah fuck this despair shit. ive been doing SOOOO well the passed 2 weeks or so, been having fun, been occupying myself with other shit and other people.

bought a game cube and like 17 games so i can keep my fucking mind occupied and far away from thoughts of him.

and its been working
why tonight?
why when im alone cause everyones asleep?

why didnt i do what i should have done and NOT go to where i could be hurt.

just get to see how people think about me because hes a stupid fuck who likes to let his friends trash talk me.

which is bullshit! considering that every time any time ANYONE says something about him that bad i defend his name tooth and nail. that he IS a good person regardless of what he did, regardless of how i got hurt

how i feel has nothing to do with who he is.

but yet. its okay for me to be a target..

i dont know why i hold you up on a pedastal.. as the best.. as someone to be admired, when you just look down on me from there with everyone else you know and love..



im a good person. no matter what people say.

im a kind person.. and a loving person

no matter how many furries you turn against me, theres hundreds more ive yet to meet who will fall in love with my personallity and want to be friends with me

and for every furry in the area who you make say bad shit about me
theres just one more reason for me to leave and never come back..

not like id be missed here

my family's in shambles
i work a dead end job just trying to help them out

my friends all hate me now because of you..
because of how i was while you put me through this

ryan wont speak to me, none of them will

the furs in the area hate me as it is anyway so its not a big shock that they would say shit about me like that




ive got to find a place to call home.. ive got to.. ive got to find a way to find real happiness.. not just through trying to forget you..


i want to remember the good things and move on.. but i cant now.. i need to forget for now..

just woish it were that simple.. when everything reminds me of you its hard to take my mind of you..

well i still have like 4 more days to be able to keep my thoughts occupied.. after that... i dont know what im going to do..


but i really should just leave.. no one really wants me here

________: if you wanna think of me how i was years ago
________: fine
________: ill keep being that way, just for you
________: shithead
floffyraccoon: -.-
floffyraccoon: alright then..
________: i cant even believe you
floffyraccoon: is me feeling this way really that far from the realm of possibility..?
________: yueah it is
________: BAWW YOU WERE MEAN TO ME SEVERAL YEARS AGO EVEN THO YOU'VE BEEN NICE AND ACTED INTERESTED IN ME FOR THE PAST YEAR
________: fuck you
________: fuck you are your stupid shit
floffyraccoon: as ive always said.. i dont vblame anyone for hating me.
________: you're right, you do always fuck things up

my mom left to live in an apartment this morning.. her and my step dad are separating soon, im living with him cause its close to work..

im afraid that ill end up the same way as him..
no matter how hard he tries to convince her to stay shes not coming back to him..

i.. i dont want to end up that way... u.u

"You have a better chance of being struck by a bolt from Mother Nature than seeing an albino raccoon."

http://www.floridatoday.com/article.....SFRONTCAROUSEL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9v1O.....eature=related

:D

i lawlzord

anyway.. for somereason i was in a goodmood at work today

dunno how
dunno why
but i was

was okay... but after work i started to slump down again even though i was with  soluss
i feel like such a burden to all my friends, ive been down in this gutter for a long time now, and people are starting to get tired of it..

im sorry everyone, just bare with me.. im trying.

you need to stay away dusty you need to stay away

stay away stay away stay away stay away stay away stay away stay away stay away stay away stay away stay away stay away stay away stay away stay away stay away stay away stay away

why cant you just stay away from him! you cant do anything right!

had this idea in my head for a while
all you have to do is pick 5 of your friends (any order)
and write a short memory you have with them thats funny, important, romantic, anything

well here goes xD

1)  hypercat
the first year that we dated he came to visit during the winter and we had a freak snowstorm while he, nighteyes,  JDpuppy and I were on our way to the 99 to have dinner with  balloonfox and  balloonpup and we fishtailed all over the road xD

then  balloonfox got drunk and talked funny :P


2)  Soluss
the FIRST time we went to Taco Bell at like fucking.. 2am, we parked in a darkish parking lot late at night and it was all foggy and shit while we ate our tacos and stuff on the hood of his car. after a while the conversation turned into being about Silent hill due to the creepy rolling fog that was EVERYWHERE that night. so we spent all night in the parking lot enacting the movements of the monsters and discussing the psychology behind the game and if we'd survive it it really happened xD
good times lol

3)  xrainriekox
during easter weekend this year i stayed with him at his dorm when he was going to his old school. the whole weekend we were up late chatting and stuff, playing bioshock and getting scared xD
then his friend shawn(sean shaughn w/e) invited us to his room in which there was this drunken chick who yelled at Rain and me for not drinking and "thinking we're better than her" cause he dad owns the country or something, drunken babble. i just played my pokemon game while she ranted lol. we went back to rain's room and cuddled and stuff. shawn came in later to apologize for his drunken friend.

4)  coonboy  darzi and Tiggey
sitting in tiggey and Kota's apartment with darzi: and  tenyth laughing hystarically at videos on youtube for the majority of the night xD

" GREETINGS STRANGER!"
"WHAT AM I,"

lol great night that was


5)  eeveeofdoom
finding out she was a furry over final fantasy 11 in the middle of linkshell chat was awesome xD
"i posted blahblah blah of FA today"
"OMG YOU HAVE AN FA?!"
"yuh? im a furry"

<3 salami :D






well that was my attempt at a meme, i think its a good idea xD

much more heart touching than half the shit that circles the internet

WATARU MITANI! <33

i love brave story
ive watched the movie like fucking 5 times in the passed few days

and ive been playing the game for the passed couple months

and i wanna buy the book and i want to get the manga >.>;;


and i dont think theres ANYTHING more oddly specific to my life then this movie >.>;

makes me feel sad inside towards the end, but its a very cute funny movie
and the story line is so great.

ive managed to get  mikal and  mukkymuk

into it as well xD


plus

EVERYONE IN VISION (the alternate world in the series) IS A FURRY! xD

like EVERYONE except like.. 3 people

i recommend it to everyone to watch it or at least read about it on wikipedia

i garantee it wont be a disapoint ment

and btw theres no english version for the movie, just subtitles.

but its worth it~~

and also. i hate people who are overly affectionate to people they barely know in public settings~

aka saying how much you love someone you only met once and have only being seeing for a short time~

if your gonna do it, take it to a hotel room where I dont have to see it :DDD

stresss

STREEEEEEESS.

i need to eat but im not hungry... blah.

anyway. bored.. sitting in my room. feeling shitty lol

weve come to expect this from me

Send your armies! There’s no man or machine who can stop me, and you’ll soon see. I come for vengeance for the first son of Light. I’m ready, I’m willing, I’m prepared to fight!

Send me the best you’ve got
Send me your strongest machines
The fight my brother fought
Here, now, will end with me

All you wounded! Those of you who can, pick yourselves off the ground. Hurry back– tell your leader you’ll need more men!

Send me the best you’ve got
Send me your strongest machines
The fight my brother fought
Here, now, will end with me
Is this the best you’ve got?
Is this your strongest machine?
Now with one powershot,
You’ll see what vengeance means

Nearing the gate and the leader of the Robot Army, Megaman’s fury yields to confusion. This Commander is not just a machine.

The shadow, it covers your face; but your eyes shine just like mine. Step forward, step into the light if you’re ready, you’re willing, you’re prepared to fight!

So be it, send your armies. There’s no man or machine who can stop me, and you’ll soon see. I come for vengeance for the first son of Light and I’m ready, and I’m willing, and I’m prepared to fight!

Send me the best you’ve got
Send me your strongest machines
The fight my brother fought
Here, now, will end with me
Is this the best you’ve got?
Is this your strongest machine?
Now with one powershot,
You’ll see what vengeance means

Just before the shot rings out, the blast that would end this battle, the commander steps out of the shadows and into the light. This is a face Megaman has seen before, in visions and dreams. This is not the face of evil. This is the face of a hero, the face of a son, the face of a brother… this is [i]Protoman[/i]. Megaman drops to his knees and lowers his weapon. Dr. Light steps quietly out of the crowd.




FUCK YES
\m/(>.<)\m/


The Protomen kick ass xD

---

Original Message

---

From: Bangin' Brittany
Date: Nov 15, 2008 11:58 PM


your hot....

for some reason u can be gay

and i still find u hot

---

Original Message

---

From: ~DustyWaber~ Kupo :3
Date: Nov 16, 2008 12:07 AM


thats a little creepy brittany o.o;

---

Original Message

---

From: Bangin' Brittany
Date: Nov 16, 2008 10:56 AM


OMG im rlllllllllly sorrrrrryyyy
i swear i didnt mean to say anytin
i was ummmmm not feelin myself im soo srry

---

Original Message

---

From: ~DustyWaber~ Kupo :3
Date: Nov 16, 2008 4:29 PM

its fine i guess O.o
its just um..
your like 14 or whatever
and im 20 and gay >.>;

---

Original Message

---

From: Bangin' Brittany
Date: Nov 16, 2008 4:35 PM


im so sorry
ya its creepy
i would nevr say somtin like that
if i was thinking straight

---

Original Message

---

From: Bangin' Brittany
Date: Nov 15, 2008 11:58 PM


your hot....

for some reason u can be gay

and i still find u hot


response:


thats a little creepy brittany o.o;

amor: whre in ma do you live?
~Dusty~: agawam
amor: is close to where?
~Dusty~: springfeild
amor: oh ok
~Dusty~: its where six flags is
amor: ok
amor: do you speak spanish?


NO I DONT SPEAK SPANISH!!!! D:<

go to hell and die D:<

every time i hear this song i just think about the time in my life where i was drugged up on medecine that was supposed to make me feel better

unfortunately science hasnt created a cure for a broken heart.

anyone whos taken anti depressants before and many people who never will probably know this song very well xD

Lithium by Evanescence

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.

Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone.
Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show.
Never wanted it to be so cold.
Just didn't drink enough to say you love me.

I can't hold on to me,
Wonder what's wrong with me.

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

I don't want to let it lay me down this time.
Drown my will to fly.
Here in the darkness I know myself.
Can't break free until I let it go.
Let me go.

Darling, I forgive you after all.
Anything is better than to be alone.
And in the end I guess I had to fall.
Always find my place among the ashes.

I can't hold on to me,
Wonder what's wrong with me.

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with you.
I'm gonna let it go.

your are removed from everything online

if you want to talk to me you know how to find me

but its timer to be a man and cut out the things and my life that are causing me nothing but heartache.

you wont call or txt. i know you wont. cause your just gonna be pissed at me for this, but guess what

except the fucking consequences of what you did.

just as i have to.

Mirror Mirror hanging on the wall
You don't have to tell me whos the biggest fool of all
Mirror Mirror I wish you could lie to me
and bring my baby back to me

Mirror Mirror lie to me, show me what I wanna see
Mirror Mirror lie to me

i cant have ooooooonnnnnneee good thing in my life.

yippe