i just wanted to share some of how ive been feeling lately and not really give an explanation or excuse but rather let you see where i'm at in life currently.

so, to put it plainly, i dont really get much joy out of drawing porn. most of the time i'm drawing it, i feel like im just trying to fulfill a quota for how much i should post and how horny it should be, and it really sucks any enjoyment i get from making art out of the process.

i like doin horny stuff, and designing characters that people think are really hot is very nice when i get feedback, but i dont know. making art specifically to post based on what i think is gonna get interactions and constantly feeling like my art isnt horny enough for people to care about sucks the soul out of me. this feeling has been especially boosted from working a full time job, i just dont have the energy to keep up with it anymore.

i feel bad when im not posting furry stuff consistently but truthfully its cause im drawing a bunch of my own sfw oc artwork thats completely unrelated. im much happier doing that! its fun getting to create stuff for me and only me and not constantly worry about if its gonna get interactions so i can gain some sense of notoriety.

i wish i liked drawing porn more, but i think theres a disconnect between me and other creators. im aware that a lot of people who are super into drawing furry nsfw get turned on by their drawings and maybe even jerk off during the process, and i could not be further from that experience. it immediately makes me not horny, and i lose all sense of what i would normally find sexy.

didnt mean to make this all doom and gloom but im just tired lmao, i keep putting expectations on myself and making myself miserable trying to meet them. if i post here going forward its gonna be for me, maybe i'll start writing erotica cause that drives me crazy and actually does get me horny lmao.


TLDR: i've kinda lost my spark for drawing furry porn and i wanna do things i actually enjoy going forward.

workin on my first nsfw comic, might be a bit before it gets all done but i'll be posting wips and progress updates mostly on my telegram channel!

its not gonna be super complex, probably at most about 6-8 pages or so. comics have just always been something ive wanted to get into but have never quite been confident or motivated enough to make.

its gonna just be about a hookup with a cute goat character and a big scruffy dog guy.

this is a different type of journal, mainly just cause I’m curious about the input from those who like my stuff or watch me on here!

sometimes I can run low on inspiration or motivation for making stuff, so if you’re reading this and you feel so inclined, leave a comment with either something that originally drew you to my art, or something you’d like to see from me in the future!

you could even include both if you want, but I think getting feedback will help me get a good mind of how my stuff is bein received ^^

thanks in advance ;w;

hello everyone! I haven’t really made a journal like this in a while, but I figured it could be a good idea to let y’all know where I’m at currently and what to maybe expect from me going forward.

so, if y’all have noticed a decline in consistency in terms of me posting art, im sorry about that! for the past few months ive been dealing with my full time job and it’s truly been sucking a lot of my creative energy out of me and making me feel very burnt out.

sometimes I feel like I don’t have enough time to consistently post, nor do I have enough ideas to actually put into pictures that I would feel satisfied with putting out. recently though, I’ve been trying to get out of my head about this and, truthfully, the payment processor fuckery as of recent has inspired me to dip back into being a horny freak!

with all that being said, while art block has been whooping my ass and I’ve mostly been making small sfw sketches, im really makin an effort to try and put more nsfw stuff out like I was before. I can’t promise daily posts, but ideally id like to put out at least one finished horny pic a week. more sketches probably too.

moving on from my artwork, I feel like I’m also kinda trying to grow into myself as a person. if you’ve read any of my journals or descriptions before on some more personal pics, you’ll probably know I usually have some issues related to my identity. recently, this has been less bad than it’s been in the past! of course, as someone under the trans umbrella from texas, I do get worried for my future under the current presidency, and also the current rule of my governor. BUT! im gonna keep on being me! whoever that might be, I wanna get to know myself.

for now, im just not putting too much stress on a concrete label for myself. I like what I like, and I look how I look. I act how I act, and that’s enough to be myself.


tldr: sorry for not being super consistent with posting! I was burnt out but im getting back on track with freaky nasty porn. also, im pretty happy with my progress on accepting my own identity. love y’all! ^^

hello! its been over a whole year since i posted my last journal on here, and lots of stuff has happened to me and changed in my life so i figured i could make a new post thats a bit more accurate.

so, i guess i should start with my identity issues? those are still present but i think im getting more to a place now where i can comfortably sit with how grey and ambiguous i tend to be most of the time. i'm trying to put less stress on specific labels and categorizing myself into a million little boxes, cause that always just ends up making me feel guilty for "coloring outside the lines" (which always happens).

if you take a gander at my fursona folder, this past year its gotten a lot more disorganized and diverse because i decided i want my fursona to just reflect me, and pinning myself down to one specific thing doesn't tend to work for too long. skelly and ecto are more like mascots than anything now, and i think i like it that way! they're my lil ocs that i sprinkle into things here and there, separate from my identity. i'm a very emotional person and i latch onto things i like easily, creating things inspired by whatever the most recent "thing" is, and i'm fine with that! before i always tried to stifle it like it was something so horrible, but i think i'm just learning to go with it and see how i can iterate away from the original source material.

aside from the fursona stuff, i see myself through a lense that kinda adopts the everything and nothing sentiment. im a girl and boy, both and neither, im human and not. nonbinary and genderfluid are both labels that are easier to explain myself through, but they dont really capture the full extent of whatever it is goin on in my brain. thats fine too! i guess i don't really need a specific label to express myself, but sometimes it can feel kinda isolating to be this way. so many people have this sense of community and understanding with each other simply because of who they are, and thats something i feel i kinda miss out on. i have pretty bad fomo issues and that is something that always makes its way into my thoughts somehow, how lonely i feel when everyone else around me is able to indentify with others so easily. i'm content with being myself, just wish there were more ppl like me i guess.

one thing i've been trying to do is rlly get my life together. gender stuff aside, i've been pretty depressed and not able to make the effort to do things i need to do to progress my life. i wanna pursue school so i've been trying to figure out a major, but career paths are so intimidating. i don't wanna make the wrong choice, y'know? theres only so many shots i get to take, especially cause i'm starting a bit later than most. i'm 20 without a stable source of income and without school! that's another isolating thing both socially and physically. i can't really get anywhere to meet new people often, which leads back to me being more depressed. this cycle needs to be broken, and im trying to shake it off.

ik this is a lot of personal stuff and probably pretty rambly, but thanks for reading if you did!

tldr: im doin better in some areas, stagnant or worse in others. i've accepted myself more but need to move forward and progress my life, and i'm struggling to do so.

hey there! i haven't yet made a journal on this account since i created it, so i'm typing this as a way to kinda get to know where i'm at right now.

recently i've been coming into this weird bout of identity issues that i find to be almost cyclical. i'll be feeling very good and euphoric for a week or a few, and then comes the inevitable downswing of feeling not only intense dysphoria but also questioning who i even am entirely.

these types of feelings also have an adverse effect on how i portray myself online through my fursona. it has happened so many times where i design a brand new shiny fursona for myself, feeling over the moon about how cool the design is and how much i connect to it, only for it to spoil overtime and for me to lose interest in it. its not that i hate these previous iterations of my fursona, quite the contrary actually! i just rely way too much on fleeting emotional highs to change everything about myself, and always end up unsatisfied when what i have to fall back on is haphazard and rushed. i'm quite confident in my ability to design characters, but when it comes to making one to represent me, i always fall flat and don't know where to really go.

i try to include staple parts of my identity into my designs: my red curly hair, my love of the supernatural, magical abilites, connection to nature, but even these motifs dont end up holding weight. skelly is a perfectly good design, and i really like them a lot! maybe i could iterate on the skeletal bear a bit more to feel more happy with it. for now though, i just am getting towards this more despondent, unsatisfied, empty feeling again. and i hate that. i love skelly, and i know others really do too! but something about it feels too impulsive again. just like cherub, patch, chow, bug, and any fursona before them, i'm once again feeling like i didn't hit the mark quite yet. this could just be my self doubt talking, i won't do anything rash yet.

i just wish i knew how to feel satisfied with myself, and that i knew who i wanted to be without relying on momentary fleeting feelings. maybe i'm just too young to have myself figured out in that way yet, hell i can barely even keep a gender identity straight. i have a lot of growing to do, i just wish it wasn't so wasteful. my fursona is a thing thats deeply personal to me, like an extension of my soul that can speak for me when i feel that i can't. i want to do it justice, but i never can. i envy those who can know their perfect design so instantly and establish it.

thanks for reading, feel free to ask me about anything or offer advice, its welcome.