I made the ridiculous mistake of reinstalling art rage. I realize now I literally can't do anything with it. All I see are stupid tools and a blank screen.

I don't even know why I own a fucking tablet.

I'll be tallying these up at the end of the week.

I'm leaving my next submission up to my watchers, since I'm going mildly hermit-like, do you guys want to see more of Start of Something New, or would you people rather I write some quick, dirty smut? PMs or journal comments will be accepted. Hell, even send this on to your friends.

I need a swift kick in the artistic ass.

Something I just put up on tumbler. Sorry I haven't been around though, artistically. Motivation feels dried up for the moment. Anywho, if you're wondering why I game, this is pretty much it.

http://eebit.tumblr.com/post/745664.....ic-medic-medic

I've made a grave mistake, one I don't think I have any chance of recovering from. I just hope I learn from these stupid mistakes and get better from them. I'm only writing this to show who I've wronged that I know I've made a mistake, and that there's little to no chance of ever repairing the damage.

Such a fucking moron.

I feel sick. Super sick. Bad sick. Gone to the bathroom and completed like, three hunting quests in Monster Hunter 3U sick. I'm so sorry.

No progress this month on anything 'creative' thanks to UPS and the Christmas season. (ever want to hear mad customers? Yeah, work UPS at Christmas. you'll see what happens.) Thouh I came up with a cute end of year dealie. I've even got a few people on a little list.

I need to move away from watching King of the hill constantly in my free time. I might... *swallow* Try watching MLP again, or something. It seems to be the only other show that's consistently updated online. (It's that, or troll through hulu to find something interesting and I just can't find anything that grabs me properly, I just put something stupid on in the background so I'm not lonely.)

Wow...I shouldn't feel this miserable over something that isn't my past, hrrhrr. I'll try to write some more of my clean story, but if all else fails I might manage to make more smut. People like smut, right? Well. Furries at least.

I'm dozing off while writing this, I might need a nap.

Good luck, guys. Don't do anything stupid!

I hate December.








No really, that's it. I hate December.

Happy Holidays everyone, I know it's the holidays, the radio hasn't stopped playing Christmas music for over a week now. But hey, holiday cheer and all that pizzazz.

First night of Hanukka was tonight, all I can think of is 'oh god I couldn't get anyone gifts' but we'll see how that goes, I've got eight days, plenty of time to...do..something. Maybe the third chapter of my story? Maybe some random smut? Who knows, I sure as I hell don't!

Osha, as you may have noticed in my favorites, finally got a picture done thanks to the fabulous Nayoko! Maybe I can goad someone into having a little playtime with him and write a story about that. If only I really could whore him out. /sigh/.

Have a good night, my friendly furry folk, and even the furious furry folk.

You know who you are.

You know.

Again with short journals.
My desktop monitor died overnight, figured it would die sooner or later because the power light was flickering. Didn't expect it to not give a final, glitchy hurrah however. Need to find the money to replace it. Yay debt.

Interview for a temp job, anything to get the hell away from The UPS Store. Fingers crossed for Omaha Steaks, what's the worst that could happen? oh right. Losing the chance to work. again.

Getting really easy to upset people lately. Not sure if it' them or me. I know a few cases where it's them, at least.

Creative side flares up at work, but never when i'm home. How extremely useless of me.

Finally, can't get any sleep. There's a certain fat cat that has to make as much noise as feline-ly possible. Bad enough I go to sleep late.

Here's hoping for a brighter tomorrow.

That will never happen.

The stream has started, as of 6:35 AM central time. Starting with Rage and possibly going on from there, who knows. I'm yawning, I'm crying, but this is all I want to do today. There will be a break at some unknown time for me to get clean, and then another break at 12 PM Central because I work. The stream will then resume at about 8 PM Central until I pass out.

www.twitch.tv /eebit Just remove the space and take a look, pop a message to me on steam (eebit) or just leave a note. If enough people actually come to watch, fantastic, and I'll raffle off the Classic Doom Trilogy on steam (a $15 USD value).

Please watch...

Another year, another day to remember things. It's been a while, a long while, since I've been even remotely near a religious house, and longer still since I was essentially attacked for my orientation, causing me and my family to lose jobs at our house of worship.

That has nothing to do with this, for have my own ways to grieve for my father, so on September 11th, I will be streaming ID games (most likely Rage) for most if not the whole day while I'm not at work. This will be at about 7:30 AM central time until noon, and then roughly 8 pm until I literally pass out.

Now! This year will be different, for if I have enough people willing to watch my stream at www.twitch. tv/eebit (remove the space) then I WILL BE GIVING AWAY THE ORIGINAL DOOM TRILOGY ON STEAM to one viewer. I would say maybe ten, fifteen people would have to watch.

In order to qualify, of course, you'd have to repost this journal and make a comment if you're interested in the raffle or not.

Either way, this is for my father, who is why I game in the first place.

Talk ya'll soon enough.

P.S. not only will I stream on the 11th, if there's enough interest, I will do an encore stream over the weekend!

Shit, sorry guys. I never really got around to announcing much of anything, so let's start real quick

Computer is in working condition. New parts, new USB hub, new graphics card. need a way to sell a new mobo and a matching CPU, I'll get on that, somehow.

My story's on halt because I'm kind of a moron who forgets that he should actually add something beyond the first chapter. Who knows. I need to really work on it, I can picture the chapter, I just can't put it down.

My room's a bit more 'open' now that I've cleaned it up some. It no longer feels so oppressive.

Gaming feels like a chore lately, I don't feel like I can enjoy myself in much of anything.

Work sucks, yet is the only thing I seem to look forward to lately.

Big doctor bill, and no extra way to make money because talentless.

Oh.

Mom's a furry.

Twenty five days without desktop.

Twenty days of waiting for a motherboard replacement.
Replacement failed.
New mobo, new CPU.

As of writing, parts start up, but windows doesn't boot. RAM suspected.
Requires further testing.

Rough Draft (The one formerly known as Chard) has made his final decision towards me; we will never be friends, despite my best efforts.

I am awful at drawing, swapnote taught me this, but I like trying to get better.

Attempts at happiness seem futile most nights, will continue any and all further trials of 'happy.'

Wish I could stop my libido. Accursed tool.

Writing has stalemated, once more.

Inner thoughts sounding more and more like Mordin from Mass Effect. Unfortunate side-effect.

New bed, new computer chair. Thirst growing. Car breaking. Money tight. Fears growing.

There will never be a happy ending.

Not one I'll expect, at least.

So, my desktop is currently down. I expected it, the motherboard was fried from day one as it was.

That didn't stop the panic attack, and a small amount of chaos hitting me upside the head anyways, whoops.

I'm currently at the mercy of Gigabyte and their RMA process, and I'll have to ship the board back myself, but other than that, it'll be fixed, eventually. My laptop works, still, even under duress.

In other news, I may or may not have another story coming down the pipes, as slow as I am to write. It should be a touch more serious than what I've written before. (AKA not porn :U)

I'm just typing at this point to try and write down what's been going on, make it official, all that jazz.

Until next time, folk.

Took it from  Rip-tore
1. Had sex? Yes
2. Bought Condoms? Yes
3. Gotten somebody Pregnant? No
4. Failed A Class? Yes
5. Kissed A Boy? Yes
6. Kissed A Girl? Yes
7. Used A Little Paper Bag for Lunch? Yes
8. Had A Job? Yes.
9. Slipped On Ice? Yes
10. Missed The School Bus? Yes
11. Fucked a girl? No
12. Bullied Someone On The Internet? It's too easy for me :c
13. Sexted? Yes
14. Sex In Public? Nah
15. Played On A Sports Team? Yes
16. Smoked Weed? No
17. Smoked Cigarettes? No
18. Smoked A Cigar? No
19. Drank Alcohol? Yup.
20. Watched porn? Mhm
21. Skipped class? Yeah.
22. Gotten Arrested? Came close once...but no.
23. Done meth? No
24. Been To A Wedding? Yes
25. Fell in love with a best friend? Yes
26. Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight? Under five hours is more rare.
27. Watched TV For 5 Hours Straight? Yes
28. Been Late For Work? Yes
29. Been Late For School? Yes
30. Kissed In The Rain? No
31. Showered With Someone Else? Yes
32. Failed My Drivers Test? Once!
33. Cheated on a ex? No
34. Been Outside My Home Country? Yes, Israel!
35. Been On A Road Trip Longer Than 5 Hours? Yes. Tradition!
36. Had Lice? Nope!
37. Gotten My Heart Broken? Yes
38. Had A Credit Card? Nope.
39. Been To A Professional Sports Game? Yes
40. Broken A Bone? A toe. Oops.
41. Am I BI/Gay/Lesbian? Shhhheeet...Uh. Bi, I think.
42. Won A Trophy? Yerp.
43. Cut Myself Unintentionally? Yes
44. Had An STD.? No.
45. Got Engaged? Not...really..officially?
46. Done ecstasy? No
47. Tried Out To Be On A TV Show? Whoahno.
48. Rode In A Taxi? No.
49. Been To Prom? Whuzzat?
50. Played A Drinking Game? I wouldn't dream of it.
51. Stayed Up For 24 Hours Or More? Once. Ew.
52. Been To A Concert? Yes
53. Had A Three-Some? No
54. Had A Crush On Someone Of The Same Sex? Yes
55. Been In A Car Accident? Yes
56. Had Braces? No
57. Learned Another Language? I tried Hebrew. Failed. Bad.
58. Killed An Animal? Don't want to answer this. ._.
59. Been At A Yard Sale? Yes
60. Been To A Japanese Steakhouse? Yes, best birthday.
61. Wore Make Up? Never.
62. Talked To Someone Via Webcam? Yes
63. Lost My Virginity Before I Was 16? I. Uh. Uhm. noooo? ._.
64. Had My Wisdom Teeth Taken Out? No, but one's missing anyways! :D
65. Kissed Someone A Different Race Than Myself? Nope.
66. Snuck Out Of The House? There's an 'out of the house'?
67. Bought Porn? Nope!
68. Had A Virus On My Computer? Yes
69. Had Oral Sex? Given
70. Dyed My Hair? With hair glue.
71. Gone Skinny Dipping? I think
72. Graduated From College? Hahahaha...ha. no.
73. Wore Someone Else’s Clothes? Ew.
74. Voted In A Presidential Election? Indeed
75. Rode In An Ambulance? Yes :D
76. Rode In A Helicopter? No
77. Caught The Stove On Fire? Never in my wildest dreams.
78. Got In A Verbal Fight? Yes
79. Met Someone Famous? I don't think so...
80. Been On Vacation? Yes
82. Been On A Boat? Yes, sailed one even.
81. Been On An Airplane? Yes
83. Broken Something Expensive? Probably! Like a car. :I
84. Had Surgery? Yes
85. Beat A Video Game? Yes
86. Found Something Valuable On The Ground? Yes
87. Made A Survey? Nurp.
88. Stalked Someone On A Social Network? Never use them.
89. Prank Called Someone? No.
90. Been To A Library Outside Of School? Yes
91. Spent Over $100 Shopping In One Day? Yes
92. Cut My Hair And Hated It? Yes
93. Peed Outside? Yes
94. Went Fishing? Yes
95. Helped With Charity? Yes
96. Taken A Pregnancy Test? No
97. Been Rejected By A Crush? Yes.
98. Been Suspended From School? Hmm. Nope.
99. Broken a mirror? Nope!
100. Thrown up on someone? Nah.
101. Lied to your parents? Of course. I've lied to everyone at least once.

I hope ya'll know what a muse is, because I'mmabout to say something about them as a whole.

I hate them.

I really do, or at least, more specifically, I hate my own muse. For the last...five weeks? Maybe more? Something has been scratching at the inside of my skull looking for a way out. The worst part is, there is no way out for it.

I bought some sculpty yesterday, the standard kind, and some tools. And after two hours of streaming me rolling up little balls, I realize I had nothing. So I made a floppy wang and hit my worktable with it. Wood again wood, if you will.

I'm told I can read good. Er. Well. But I can't seem to actually think in that sense. EVEN WORSE, I've been complimented on being a DM. The only problem is that I wind up too tired most nights )jajaja physical labor(, or no one's around. Because I need to give them, like, two weeks warning.

Not sure what this journal was meant to do. Probably something close to attention whoring, but that's ok. It's par for the course, here in paradise.

I hardly do this. I barely do this.

But this seriously needs to get passed around, hopefully 'just one more' person will share it, and hopefully we can beat some sense into each other some day.

Until then,  Trith, you've got the finest wording for this community that I know; you need more publicity.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4352040/

A new year has begun *checks watchless wrist) fifteen days ago. Sorta fourteen. I figured I should remove the whiny bitchfest that come from the moving day journal. No, the move isn't done, which is HILARIOUSLY upsetting, but I'm in the new house, with my own space, kitchen, and a new, inflatable, bed.

News!

I hate my creativity, since it has nowhere to flourish, in my opinion. Between 3D modelling being too hard (cry some moar), my drawing blowing (see previous), and my stories porn-only (fapfapfapfap), I don't feel like I could do much more without encroaching on other peoples ideas, (I.E. sculpting, music [double lawl at music.], or modding.)

What's this? Another pity party? No. This is how I get my ass in gear. This is how I realize I'm a problem and I need to get going. This is me yanking the cord on a lawnmower, only to have it make that lovely pre-start chugging sound.

I've started to do crunches every night before bed, 15 to start. My fat ass will have to move up from that, some day when I have more room and energy. IE a place to move the sofa if I want to use the wii properly.

Why does this journal exist, then, if not to pity party? Because it's my birthday on the 18th. I'll be level 22 then, (yes, I totally stole that from  mandakatt)

I've already offered a challenge to  sunnybreeze for a birthday gift to myself, and, since I know my friends can use a little dosh, I could extend that to other friends who want to make a little money; I'm using my birthday as an excuse to get pictures done of my characters, and a group picture is nothing to scoff at. Though I'm willing to pay a negotiable price for a picture with x (being a number the artist comes up with as a limit) characters of mine, and-or theirs.

What else, what else. Oh yes. I wish you all a bright future in the fandom, and may you only get your jimmies rustled by those you choose to have them rustled by.

Good night, and good luck.

There is no way in hell this is going well. At all. Panic attacks, movers touching collectible pens and using them. and this is turning out to be a three day ordeal, not two day. Fuckers.

Surprise. 'they forgot to bring boxes.'

What. The. Fuck.

They were supposed to be packing. That was the only job they had today. Started at 9:30 a.m. By 11, they 'ran out.'

I want to punch everything, right after I void myself. And they do my computer room next. I'm legitimately terrified. I might bring my laptop with me. No joke.

I can't even sleep tonight. My bed was already dimpled in the middle, and I discovered, when I got home, that they've stomped EVERYWHERE on my bed. I fucking -hate- people stepping on beds with shoes. Freaks me right the fuck out. So I'm going to be up all night. Or sleeping in my computer chair. Or the sofa. I don't fucking -care- at this point.

So terrified.

It's been a while since I wrote to you all, and I figure today's a decent day.

Several things have been going down, but long story shortest, my family is going to move into one, single house, rather than the two homes that are across town. Best news of this, I get the entire basement. No longer a trailer-nerd, I'm going to evolve into the typical underground, dawrven nerd.

Next, as nice as my job is, I'm beginning to loathe it, and the new home will allow me to come and go as I please, ergo, I may find a better job. one that gives me free internet, which would be nice.

Moving on; I've finished Quake 4, having started to really get into the meat of the game Tuesday. My stream, for that day, went well, and I streamed every night since, save for tonight. If my boyfriend sleeps as he's supposed to, then I can see myself game-streaming whenever I finish dinner.


The past is done, I'm over what has happened, and I don't see myself getting hurt, any time soon. Best of luck, world.

First, let's get the good news out of the way; the arsonist that was in our neighborhood is moving, which means that there's only a 20% chance that someone's home will go up in smoke over the course of the holiday week.

Second, everything else;

I've come to accept that I cannot trust certain people. That they can twist words around and turn a relationship sour no matter what. I've learned that anyone can lie to your face, no matter what you've done in the past, and no matter what sort of person they've been. I'm never getting my tablet back, I'm never going to keep the good memories alive, and I'm not going to be able to trust most people at this rate.

Whoever has my box now, and I refuse to call anyone out due to a lack of evidence, may they enjoy my tablet, my trading cards, and my menorah. And one small pinkie pie, if whoever sent the box told the truth in the first place.

May those I've lived with enjoy their new relationships, and their bright futures.

Hindert hayzer zol er hobn, in yeder hoyz a hindert tsimern, in yeder tsimer tsvonsik betn un kadukhes zol im varfn fin eyn bet in der tsveyter.

It's almost 11 in the morning when I type this. I'm playing Vindictus to calm myself, but I can't help shake my fears.

There is an arsonist running around in our neighborhood, and she's already struck twice. It's becoming stranger and stranger every day, and the police have been called down here twice as it is, it's really put me on edge at this point, fearing for the my safety and my pets' as well.

As much as I care for my possessions, I'd rather be safe, and I'm truly frightened that something might happen soon. I've not been this frightened in so long.

Unrelated news; I've been starting to walk a mile every day, with one day breaks on rare occasions. Since I've only walked twice, I've seen nothing, though a phone app is helping me out.

Until next time.

I hope.

It's certainly been a while since I left the south to go back to live with my parents, and I have to say it was actually all for the better. Here, I was able to overcome most of my crippling fear, get a job, and move on with life.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, though, I do not regret the year I spent in Arkansas. What I do regret is how everything dissolved after I left.

When the time comes, I'll be moving on from my current job at the UPS store, since the wages, and work itself, are killing me. I've become extremely stressed out due to the increasing demands of the store owner, especially when I'm only technically supposed to be working part-time. After my mother comes home from her vacation, I'll start looking for a brighter future.

I recently got the results of some bloodwork, however, and I've discovered that, despite all my fears and near-symptoms, I'm simply paranoid when it comes to my health, save for high cholesterol, even if I thought I could have had diabetes.

On a vague note; come Tuesday, there's probably going to be more drama than I'd like to admit, and I will more than likely make one or two enemies. This has been expected, and I will push through it.

Good luck in your own lives, may fortune smile upon all of you.

Eeeurgh. Journals without substance, thy writer be Eebit. That said, I woke up at 4:30 something A.M. Discover there a huge fucking storm that nearly tears my house apart. It's now 3:38 P.M. and that's no longer the case. I'm discovering I'm losing a lot of my social life, I've lost several friends at this point, and that I all at once hate my boss. It's too bad I can't swap jobs for another few months. I need to send a package at some point towards the southern states to get some things back, I just hope I remember before everyone moves.

Oh well. can't win them all, so now I'm back down to a very small group of friends.

Not sure what else to speak of, other than Guild Wars 2 is rather enjoyable, for three days that it was up. And Orion: Dino Beatdown is broken. Tata guys.

A co-worker has finally left the building, which is both good and bad. Good, because I'll be working five days a week, and bad, because I'll be working five days a week. The kid had never put in that much effort, which is kinda sad, but he's going to be working at a pt store, which'll be much nicer for him.

Next bit of news. I have no creative talent when it comes to the graphical arts. Though it seems I can write stories well enough that I might start writing a little more often. Might. EVE and Global Agenda keep me busy, if only for the LOLs. Which is pretty bad considering i have a horrible habit of buying many cheap games at once. (Sorry Nightsky, I'll play you one of these days D:(

With the advent of more money coming my way, and a horrible spending spree, I've come to the desire to do this: get reference sheets. I have a lot of characters, but there's three I want done. Crod, my main lion, Eebit, my playful goo, and Hyza, my...er...the only legitimately magical character I have. If anyone knows where I can get a good ref-sheet, for a reasonable price. PLEASE please contact me here, or through notes.

Off the top of my head, things are going well enough for me, though I know every so often I desperately want to draw or something, but I simply can't. If I had a tech tree, 'art' would be the one perma-blocked for my class. I might try 3D modeling again, but with no good tutorials, and little patience, I'm mostly screwed.

What else, what else...Oh. Right. I'm fairly decent at gimp, guys, so if you feel the need or desire for me to try and edit an image, hell, I'd love to try. I've loved image manipulation since forever. *cough* Alright. I think the guys in EVE are noticing I'm paying -no- attention. See ya'll!