There's no joy anymore.
I've been on this blasted site for about 2 years now.

What do I have to show from it?
Watchers who don't give a rats ass about me.
And 3 friends who care, 3 friends I knew BEFORE FA.

I'm done with this site.
I'm hiatusing.
I might never come back though.

Not like many of you would care anyway.
I know 3 would.

For the last couple days, as I screened my watchers, and looked at the people I watched. I began to wonder, what caused me to watch the people I watch. Was it the fact I met them through someone else, or the fact hat their at caught me interest.

It then made me think of all the people that watch me, even though the list isn't so big, it still makes me wonder.
Why did you guys watch me?
Did you know me through someone else, find my art from way back when, be a friend of a friend, or just found me interesting as a whole?

I would like to know why you watch me, when I do nothing.
What about me, made you become a watcher?

1) Who are you?
2) Are we friends?
3) When and how did we meet?
4) Would you kiss me?
5) Give me a nickname and explain why.
6) Describe me in 1 word.
7) What was your first impression of me?
8) Do you still think the same?
9) What reminds you of me?
10) If you could give me anything, what would it be?
11) How well do you know me?
12) Are you gonna put this in your journal and see what I say about you?
13) Would you meet up with me?

So it's been like.. half a month since I've been on.
I'm Alive.
I jut finished my first year of college officially on Wednesday.
And I just moved back home last night.
My room is a mess with having to move my college dorm back home. Soooo much cleaning to do.
-takes a breather-
But yeah I'm home, I should be on here a lot more. Hopefully.

Oh yeah. Tuesday, I got my lip pierced.It's the shit :3

I'm the big 2-0 now. April 24th.
Congrats to me.
We had a birthday pickle to celebrate. :3

Yeah. I know some of you actually know this, because I found out 2 days ago. but still it has me so FUCKING excited.

We aren't putting my puppy dog down! yeah.. he's like 8 years old and i still call him a puppy dog. xD;

I am so happy. the lump we found on his side isn't cancerous, but the one on his neck is, so we are going to give him surgery.

I get to have my husky a little longer.
I'm so happy. ^_^

Soooo.. yeah.. College has been alright. Things been going smoothly for now. Some work here and there that takes me longer, and I have to start on a paper thats due in 2 weeks. I won't get higher then a C on it. I never do. This teacher is hardcore tough. I had 3 people look at it before I handed my others paper in, I got 75ish/100 on them all. Even with the help. It's kinda insane. At least I'm passing the class with a C.

Still debating on just.. giving up the idea of college though. I don't know what i want to do with my life and I don't feel like wasting money on it. I kinda wanted a history major.. But.. I just don't know. I might just give it one more year, or transfer to a community college instead near home.

But yeah. I just recently got back from a musician who is from near my home town (35 minute drive). He was AMAZING. His name is Ari Herstand. If you like acoustic and more of a softer rock tone, you should check him out.

On other news. I'm going to Idaho in July. Exciting no? I'm going to be with family I haven't seen in roughly 6 years. It's my great grandma's 90th birthday. I could have SWORN she was born in 1918. Guess I was wrong :P

That's news for now. <3

I've been home for the last week, because it's spring break.
Get to see my animals, hang with a couple old friends. Sleep in, and do some wonderful college spring break homework (which has yet to be finished completely..)

Things went well the first couple days.. then the middle of the week hit.. That's when things started to go bad..

One of my best friends, and closest fur.. Decided college life was no longer for him. It broke my heart because I had grown attached to the guy over the short time we had known each other. But I considered him to be one of the greatest guys I know. Heartbroken and desperate, I cried for a couple hours, wondering what to do. My mind just, rambling about everything I could have done to make things better, and thinking about how I could change things, but it would be a fruitless cause because I honestly can't do anything at this moment in time at all.. I'm useless.

Then Friday came along.. I've been looking for a phone for a while and I finally found one on craigslist after a week of searching and failing to find a seller. I got the money needed, $250. I met the person with my mom. He gave us the box with all the contents in it, or so we thought. The box looked unopened, it even still had the protective seal on the side where it can only be opened. I gave him the money once my mom had approved of how the box looked, we got back to the vehicle, (it had been raining so we didn't open it right then and there in fear of getting the phone wet-it's a touch screen-) Opened it, found all the contents, but the $250 phone. I had been scammed. We called the cops, nothing could be done. The guy was already gone with 250 in his pocket, and now Im 250 out of pocket. My week couldn't possibly go worse.. I felt useless, and then I was a damn idiot and didn't open the box in front of him to make sure EVERYTHING was indeed in the box before handing over the money..

About an hour later, we come home and I go into my room. Stopping suddenly.. it looked like there had been a murder in my room. My dog had reopened a hole in his neck he has had for a while.. and it bled all over my carpet. He scratched it, and there was blood scattered across the room, walls, dresser, backpack, shoes, chair, EVERYWHERE.. Even on my BRAND new comforter I had just bought earlier that week for my dorm. Blood splatter covered the side.

I kicked the dog out and just started to cry. Tossed my blanket in the washer, praying that the blood would come out. We put the baby gate in the hallway to keep the dog out of my room (it's his favorite place in the house) as I grabbed some bleach and water and began to scrub everything. My mom cleaned the dog up, as I cleaned the blood in my room.

Everything was finally cleaned, my room smelled heavily of bleach, and my carpet was wet, I opened my bedroom door and window to help air out the room so I wouldn't get a headache. My cats came in, I figured, bleach, cats will hate that smell so i won't have to worry about them staying in my room.

I was wrong.. Is the main ingredient of catnip, bleach? Because they started rolling on the floor, rubbing their faces in it. The works. Great.. Time to give the cats a bath. I give them a bath and after words I start to text a friend explaining how horrible my day has been. I needed someone to vent to horribly (in person).. He offered to take me out to eat, a movie, or even buy me some liquor(I'm not much of a drinker..) if it would cheer me up. I opped on the food.. I had yet to eat that night and I might as well have had something to eat instead of go hungry for the night.

We drove around town, got some food, stopped at Menards to get some PTFE tape for myself since I had been having the hardest time finding it anywhere else.. and then headed back home. He dropped me off and went back home, came back to my bleach smelling room, the carpet had finally fully dried so I let the cats back in.. but they were rubbing against the carpet still.

By then the smell had gone, and my friend started texting me.. Asking how he looked.. and complimenting me on how I looked. Great.. here we go again.. This kid has been infatuated with yours truly for years. There was even a time I almost had to call the cops on him because he was stalking me. It was great.. Now I had him bothering me. he knows I don't like him.. yet he keeps with this crap.. Why do I bother talking to him? He's the only person in this god forsaken town that remembers I exist.

So this morning, it's Saturday now. We take the dog to the vet.. Wish we didn't.. Blind in 1 eye with eye irritations.. medication for that. Skin rash, medication for that, ear infections, medication for that. That hole in his neck that he opened the previous night before.. A malignant tumor that needs to have surgery.. it can, and most likely will come back. My husky, My Chewy, might be put down.

Can't wait till I go back up north. To the quaint little town of Superior, Wisconsin. To my friends, my schoolwork, and some much needed time to not have free time.

So.. My friends decided it was time to get drunk off their asses. and I didn't find out till they were totally shwasted.
One friend is trying to keep the other 2 from having sex, but he has to go throw up so he asks me to watch them. He comes back, Im sitting on the bed, the drunk guy is curled up against me, talking about my lips and how he wants to kiss them and all that jazz. he's drunk i can handle it. then my friend throws up.. all over the floor. I am sooo glad I was on the bed.
-_-;
the drunk guy leaning on me kept telling me he was glad it wasnt his room being thrown up in.. when it actually was. and when I finally got him to believe it.. he was pissed. That was funny.

I finally got out of the room, the friend who was throwing up came into my room and I kicked him out, thankfully because about 2 minutes later, in his own room I could hear him throwing up more. I can only imagine where.

Oh the college life of underage drinkers.

Okay, so my dad was married, had a kid, divorced and hadn't seen her since she was 3 months old. She is now 21.
She never knew he had more kids till just hours ago.

This girl, is named Jessi, and she contacted my father just recently.. I can't stop shaking! For years I have wanted to get in contact with her. Now It's possible. After 19, almost 20 years of me being on this planet, she knows I exist. She knows she has more sisters!
I am too excited for words!
I sent her a message.. I hope she responds..

Computer is back up and running.
:)

So My computer went kaput tuesday night, thought it was fixed wednesday but my friend started messing with things and screwed it up a little more.

Soo yeah, I havent had a computer since then, well, except for like 0 minutes here and there on campus.
Right now I have my friends laptop as he plays halo with my fur friend.
2
Goodness.. 437 messages.. yay fun!

I hope my computer gets fixed soon. I miss being on here all the time.
e.e

So I was on Myspace, just checking some updates on friends from home, not like they notice I exist anymore anyway, and this 31 year old guy randomly messages me.

He lives roughly 9 miles away, in the next town over, which is seperated by Lake Superior, connected with a couple bridges..

HE ASKED ME TO BE HIS SEX BUDDY! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww...

I need to like.. scrub myself raw of the nastyness just even thinking someone older then my step dad would ask that. (yes my step dad is young, he turns 30 this year)

Ew.. Just.. EW!

So yup, I get to move back into my dorm tonight. SO MUCH PACKING! D:

haha, I stay away from FA for one day and I have 304 messages. Goodness gracious, xD;

Anyway, I don't know when I'll b back, I'm gonna be kidnapped as soon as I get there by about 5 people. ^^;

But don't worry. i WILL be back <3
I'll try and get on at least once a day.

So a couple months back, an ex of mine who is in the military told me to go kill myself because I said i was willing to get into a fight with someone because of something I I know was the truth. (won't talk about what such thing was so don't ask).
He said I was weak and not stable and that I am a female and I dont know how to control my emotions...

Assuming the military brain washed him and he now looks down on woman and only pictures them as a piece of meat to have sex with whenever he wants.

He messaged me today asking for my forgiveness.

I want to forgive him.. but.. I don't take to well with being told I'm not strong enough to do something I am willing to fight for..

I need opinions..

I spent a good.. 3 or so hours making this xD;

Enjoy you guys! x3

template from  jinxsis

Snatched from my dear bro,  Kegan <3

[X] You have yelled at an inanimate object for 'hurting' you. [Yupp.. ]

[X] You have run into a glass/screen door.

[X] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.

[X] You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.

[X] You have run into a tree/bush.

[X] You have been called a blonde. [I AM one. >_> ]

[X] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.

[ ]You just tried to lick your elbow.

[ ] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune.

[ ] You sang them to make sure.

[X] You have tripped on your own feet and fallen.

[X] You have choked on your own spit.

[ ] You have seen the Matrix/Star Wars and still don't get it

[x] You type with three fingers or less. [Usually 2 fingers on each hand. I never got used to the whole.. using all your finger thing.. ]

[X] You have accidentally caught something on fire. [and on purpose.. ]

[X] You have caught yourself drooling.

[X] You have fallen asleep in class.

[X] Sometimes you just stop thinking. [Happens a lot.. ]

[X] Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you were talking about.

[X] People often shake their heads and walk away from you. [Jerks.. :x ]

[ ] You are often told to use your "inside voice". [More like asked to speak up.. Happened today actually.. ]

[X] You use your fingers to do simple math.

[X] You have eaten a bug by accident. [Damn flies love dark places.]

[ ] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important.

[X] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it

[X] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket.

[ ] You re-post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don't.

[X] You break/lose a lot of things.

[X] You tilt your head when you're confused. [And raise my eyebrows.]

[X] You have fallen out of your chair before.

[X] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling.

[X] The word "um" is used many times a day.

[ ] You don't know what "um" means.

[X] You say "what" and "huh" a lot.


Yay Ditzy-ness.

I would love more..
But I am too chicken to ask..
Anyone have any pointers on to not be so chicken?

This makes me laugh, so there are a total of around 7-8 people around my age in this side of town, and a total of 2-3 of us have yet to get pregnant. xD

I know who will be next though, and it isn't me! :3

God this has made my fricken day! xD;
I'm so giddy.

Mind you, I'm the second oldest of the list of people I could think of. I'm 19, soon to be 20 in a couple months. xD

Thanks to  ShenHibiki <3

I get back from college for only a couple days and I let my friend come over, and of course all he would do was play with my pierced ears, steal my earrings, and attempt to take out my industrial.

I got sick and tired of starting to bleed from wrestling with him to get my shit back, and he texted me just now asking.. ""so i turn you on at playing with your ears jw?" More like piss me the fuck off. No one messes with my babies without asking nicely and trying to steal my jewelry.

UGH! Men and always wanting to be horny and turning people on. Why can't I find a reasonable guy for even a short amount of time that wants me for just the sake of me?

 ZeroHusky Is one of my best friends. He sure does know how to put a smile on my face when I don't even want to live anymore.

Kudos to him for staying up till 3am with me, making sure I was feeling better then I was the previous hours before hand.

On another hand, here's an update on your girlie.
First Semester is almost done and it's getting stressful. I've almost had to go to the hospital because of constant headaches that lasted for weeks on end. Thankfully I woke up without one this morning.
Has made a TON of new friends.
Lost 20 lbs and is looking more positively at life.
Still single, and doesn't know if she wants to look or not.
Still doesn't like her roommate. >_> (good thing she isn't a fur :3 )
Get's to go home on Wednesday for the first time since she moved out of state. ^_^
Just swallowed a bug e.e; (Why there was one even in my room when it's this fricken cold out.. I don't know e.e; Wait.. probably from my roomies filthy dishes that haven't been touched in weeks.)
Has yet to snow up here, thankfully. ^_^

Anddd.. Should be getting ready for class right now. Bye you guys <3

Well, I'm alive everyone ^_^ So that's the good news.

but the bad news is I'm thinking of leaving. I just really don't have a lot of time for this place anymore. e.e;
Nor has anyone been wondering where i've been >_>;

Soo iunno. I'll leave it up to you guys to help make my decision on staying here or no. <3

I love you all.

I'm sorry I haven't really been around here very much lately.

College life has pretty much consumed me. I am no longer the anti-social butterfly I thought I would stay once I got here.
I've made amazing friends who share the same interests as me, so we have been hanging out every single day. I hardly get on the computer anymore. 'Cept for when I need to get homework done (like right now.. >_> It's not due till tomorrow though! <.<) Or when it's late at night and I just got back to my dorm and I wanna get on some messengers to talk to people who get antsy when i'm not around. (that's only a couple people..)

I'm going to say sorry once more for the future, if I take any long period of time of absence. I don't intend it to happen.

-hugs everyone-
Love you all ^_^

So, I moved in this dorm here, that I'm sitting in on Thursday morning, couple hours after my last journal entry. Didn't get my internet to work till.. yesterday morning. Been too busy with my new BFF (Aaron, whos fricken gorgeous), and making new friends, Chelsea, Josh, David.

So classes start in 10 hours for me, yay me xD

So, the last couple days, i bet you I have walked a total of 30 fucking miles. Today alone was a total of about.. 4-6 miles. I know this because we went on a trail that was a mile and a half one way, and then we had to turn back when we got to the end xD then I had more hours of walking around campus. Just got done walking about 30 or so blocks.

Go me and my blistered feet!
xD

Anyway, goodnight FA. And all the people who care about me! (which isn't many..) >_>