I wanna get rid of the previous journal, so I'm making this.

I want to show appreciation for those that bought my VERY belated Halloween artpack. I wish I could have finished it a week before but I underestimated how long it would take to finish. As an artist making this, while it might be """"fun"""", I'm always plauged with some form of self-doubt. However, it usually goes away when I transition to art-making mode.

One person (who IDK if they want to be mentioned publically) told me how they really enjoy and adore this artpack. ESPECIALLY with the behind-the-scenes thumbnails I decided to include. It was after I woke up from the day before (The...one with the really stressful and anxiety-riddening morning). When I read the message, I shed a bit of a tear. I wish it was more but I was still just...IDK...numb, emotionally.

I wish I could show empathy. Sometimes I wonder if I just fake it for sympathy points or to get people to pay me.

You can get the artpack here:
https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo
https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo
https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo
https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo
https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo
https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo
https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo
https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo

I'm too tired to explain everything.





This morning can kindly fuck off.

Esrlier this morning, i had to deal with wasp trying to come into my room. I got the outside nest entrance covered in wasp spray. The inside areas around the window are coated with water w/ soap and vinegar. My mistake was not covering the indoors with the soap+vinegar first, before doing the wasp spray, outside.

Then, as I was worrying about the wasp, my brother fuckin throws a fit because one of our cats, talvi, peed on his kids' shows near the enterance. Said how he wants to kill the cat and how it should just be outside. Really doesn't like her. Though he's had a history of saying shit and then calming his fuckin mind. Even so, shit like that makes me so stressed. I talked to my older sister about it via text and she reassured me my brother is just blowing off steam and that my niece would NOT be happy if he did anything to Talvi.

I hate how I act and feel. I have a red marks on my left shoulder from slapping/hitting myself. I hit myself whenever there's alot of stress or I'm frustrated. Yes, I know it's bad. No, it's not premeditated. I do this when there's so much stress it feels like I gotta punish myself. I have no clue if others with autism can relate to this....I wish there was another way for me to deal with this stress and prevent myself from hurting.

I might regret making this post since people are gonna worry about me. Idk...I just ne1ed to get this out. I'm doing better....I guess. I might just have to avoid my brother. So that's means I'll likely go more hungry and....stuff.

I wanna be selfish and just want hugs from people. Cuddles....idk...I'm a fuckin child.

Uh, or else you'll be haunted by ghost or something

https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo
https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo
https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo
https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo
https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo
https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo
https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo
https://payhip.com/b/OcnBo

HERE IT IS! The (belated) 🕯️Halloween Artpack🕯️ for this year! Includes your fav' character in spooky month-themed shenanigans. Includes:

Ghouls: Stolas, Gummigoo, Anubis
Gals: Krystal, Diana Foxington, Loona

🎃Go here🍭: payhip.com/b/OcnBo

---

It's finally out! I forgot to post a journal about this. I KNOW ITS NOT HALLOWEEN ANYMORE. :,)

Some of those characters who ended up not used are in the thumbnails section for the artpack. I wish I could have added them but I underestimated a bit of how much I could do. I really hope everyone enjoys this.

I mainly just wanted to prove I can make this, even if I had to go from a nice even number to a smaller even number. That and prove I can work on art for almost every day. I wish I can ramble about this section but I need to make this quick. That and I'm trying to wind down for sleep.

I'm gonna be working on commissions again. I just need to give myself some days to wind down a bit (2 days? 5?).

Even if I gotta stay up all day to get it finished. :,)

Spooky fat/blobby color artpack for 2025!

(Hopefully I can get it done by AT LEAST the day before Halloween. :,) )

Not much else to say. Wanted to make it official so now I got more reasons to pressure myself.

I'll reveal more info, later on in the month. I hope people enjoy it.

Since a few weeks back when my back tire deflated in the middle of rising home, and how cold it's getting cold, I've basically stopped bikeriding for now.

I didnt rode my bike just for for excercise. (I know I can just walk around the back property and still get similar benefits from physical excercise). Biking gave me an outlet to just spend a few hours riding around the place, giving my brain a bit of a break to unwind and explore. I

So tl;dr: what other activities should I do? Besides just "walk around in the backyard." Would playing certain games help replicate the similar benefits of unwinding? That or...play second life or desktop mode of VR Chat and explore?



While my living situation is fine, its difficult to entirely relax. Recently, since a few weeks back when the back tire deflated and our car was taken by a repo guy, I've felt like some sort of...manchild. Unsuccessful. "Failure". It's a feeling ive been battling since ive become an adult with autism at age 18. It's slightly increased over the years when I realized I'm unlikely to get my foot in the door in the creative industry without pure luck or sucking a lot of dicks. Especially in this current economic climate. Things slightly changed and got bumpy in 2019 due to my scare when I developed severe anxiety and panic attacks.

Despite people my age experiencing similar life experiences (or lack thereof), it's hard not to blame myself, still. I know it's not my fault.however, some of it is in how I responded I'm trying to improve. Learning more about stuff like "autism inertia" and how to get myself to do things while being patient with myself. Learning how to talk and respond properly. Even more difficult: how to fuckin' talk in group VCs without making it entirely about yourself or your interest or how to ACTUALLY BE FUNNY. How to not sound so defensive by raising your voice/pitch and reframing things to prevent pointless arguments or making people think youre an asshole scumbag when youre just scared of the littlest of confrontstion ruining your experience.

I know many people care about me, even "love". This isn't a vent journal, I'm just trying to clarify things. I don't want to explain things, right now, since I NEED to sleep soon, anyhow. I just need to find other things to occupy my mind that isn't doomscrolling or just art.

It's just hard when your brain then makes up infinite counterpoints, some of which DO hold ground. Feels like I should be making more money from comissons; that I should be working alot harder to do so. At the same time, I need to finish up the backlog I owe to those whove been extremely patient.

I have a IRL friend or two who might want to hang out with me more so they might take me out once every week or three. I

As the title says. (that and I need an excuse to make more journals, I guess)

I don't wanna reveal too much about it besides it will be fatfur-themed. It'll have both male and female characters. I plan on having both colored/painted pieces and sketches.

Honestly as much as it's nice getting some extra cash, I just want an excuse to do some Halloween stuff. That and to prove to myself I can just focus on getting shit done.

I'm still working on the commissions I owe. Thank you very much for being so patient. OTL

Not "fatass" or a donkey. I mean, like, BIG posterior. Badonkadonk. Gazoobladoinks. Basically, the butt.

I know there was someone selling a few unfilled ass plushes but I can't seem to find it anymore on etsy.

I was thinking of making a design in Zbrush/Blender but I'd have to learn more about retopologizing and just how to make good seams.

I also wanted to try making it a weighted lap pillow. Yes, it's autism-related; it's so I can better calm and self-regulate better.

Are there any discord groups (even if it's, like, small group) where people chill and try doing art together? Like, especially in VCs but the main focus is to just do art. It might be akward if everyone is doing art and not saying anything, but I assume there'd be some chatter. Just not in a way where it could get too distracting from the main task of drawing.

If you're wondering what the heck "body-doubking" is and think it's some woo-woonew age thing: it's a term referring to mainly ADHD (or issues related to executive function within the neurodivergent umbrella) where having someone else working on stuff together kinda helps keep each other focused. There's more information on the wikipedia article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_doubling

May 4th. Happy Battlestar Galactica day or something.

I hope you all have a good day (I'm typing this at 2:19am EST).

tl;dr: I'm taking a week break to mentally recharge. Mainly due to a combination of overstimulation, information overload and a bit of stress. I'll still access Discord but maybe during late evenings for an hour or two just to keep up and stay safe. I'm still working on comms but it's been difficult due to the previously-mentioned overstimulation and stress.

I want to make this journal just to be safe and to explain why I might not be on as often for the next week, especially for folks in my Discord contacts.

Since around January of this year, I've been trying to get on a weekly schedule to be more productive. Specifically, I'm trying to build a routine working on the commissions and YCH that I owe (As well as two growth drives I still owe one more part or so). However, I've had multiple issues doing so; mostly related to my shitty sleep routine. It made it hard to really follow my planned schedule. My sleep schedule is a bit better now, though.

The only thing left I think I need to work on is my routine (or discipline, if you'd like to think of it that way). What's helped with this is understanding my habits related to autism inertia (similar to ADHD inertia, for anyone who knows about it) and just building a routine that will help me draw. It's why I created a weekly schedule where the hours I work on art serves as one big pomodoro session and not a strict schedule you'd see in an old British boarding school. I know I have the ability to maintain such a routine since I've been studying on my fundamentals (perspective and basic shapes, like cubes and cylinder). I've been doing so for almost a week. This was partially thanks to having better techniques in order to shift my mind from one activity to another.

One way that has worked was simply selecting a music playlist and just listen to the track for a few minutes; and just simply take calm breaths. Just relaxing my mind before I actually start drawing. When I do this, I notice not only do I feel less frustrated initially but it's easier for me to transition to drawing (thus, the "autism inertia" part). So I KNOW I can try at least and I'm tired of mostly doing nothing.

As an introvert-turned-slightly-"""extrovert""" (I just got decently better at socializing, really lol), I think I'm noticing a gradual mental energy burnout. Part of it is the more "mundane-but-still-important" reason which is that I'm likely socializing too much and I haven't been as aware of the effects on me. It's been a lot more obvious whenever I've worked retail; if I have to deal with A LOT of random customers or ones that have an attitude, I feel SO TIRED and just wanna do my own thing or lay down. However, with this specific situation, it's been more subtle. I enjoy talking most times on Discord or during streams; so it could be MANY HOURS of socializing until I start to feel drained and I'm struggling to talk because I ran out of stuff to say. In my case, I think it's gradually been chipping away at my mental energy. Even if it's in a call where people aren't doing or saying much, I won't exactly feel "restored". I'll either feel awkward or relaxed (depending on the mood) but I won't feel as rested is if I was doing my own thing. A part of me feels like when I'm not in a call, I can finally relax and just get lost in a game or show. Maybe it's the part of the mind that can chill and process stuff. I don't know if this is exactly a introverted thing but yeah.

I won't go into detail for the other reason since while it's pretty dang important, I want to finish this journal ASAP so I can unwind and go to bed. All I'll say is it's related to current events. (on a random sidenote, remember when Elon Musk removed Asmongold's blue checkmark status on Xitter after being confronted about his authenticity of being a great Path of Exile player with clear evidence of not knowing even the most basic mechanics of the game? Why would Elon feel the need to lie and pretend to be so great at a game; just to impress gamers? Isn't Elon for free speech? Does any of this only apply to this specific case? Ah well, just things that make you go "Hmmm.").


My hope is that by giving myself a week to recharge mentally (giving myself at least an hour or three to check on friends and make sure everything is ok), I will be able to focus on not only art again but also work on commissions. I REALLY want to finish the stuff I owe. It's why I'm writing this to keep myself not just accountable but serve as a sort of motivator. That and a way for people to understand what's going on and maybe offer some advice. I know a few of you likely deal with similar issues with autism/ADHD inertia. It's why these small discoveries related to it make me hopeful I can build a routine to work on the commissions I owe.

As a way to combat against perfectionism and procrastination, I'm reminding myself that ESPECIALLY nowadays with image generators, people want to not just commission me to get something that looks great but to get it done by ME, the artist. As long as I've followed the guidelines of the commission, the customer will hopefully be satisfied. Even if my lines aren't 100% confident or my perspective is off or the composition is generic. What matters is that I at least TRIED. Many artist, including musicians or game developers, have expressed similar thoughts and concerns; even beyond the specific example of commissions. Artist in general have issues being too hard on themselves. It's why I like the "Holy shit two cakes" meme; it's a reminder that we tend to be too harsh on ourselves. I'm weird in that I only feel this way with commissions but otherwise, I don't mind how my other stuff looks. I just do the best I can (even if I put in 60% of effort).

I'd appreciate any suggestions or your own perspective on either needing to recharge or dealing with autism inertia. That or any comment will do. Again, I'm sorry it's taken me so damn long on commissions. Admittedly I've felt so guilty about it. it's been such a constant issue it's honestly frustrating it's been such an issue, despite the previous years having the excuse of health/anxiety issues. Again, it's why I wanna say this for not just my own sake but so you guys can understand what's going on.

I'm sorry if most of this ended up me just rambling. There's just been so much on my mind for the past three days and I guess I ended up typing most of it on here. I guess that'll make it easier to fall asleep, then lol.

A good friend of mine needs help. Jiant101 is offering a 3D inflation YCH pic, if you'd like to help out in some way. https://bsky.app/profile/jiant101.b...../3lghwlk2bek2h

It ends this Wednsday, though, so if you wanna buy anything from me (especially my Toriel standee), now's a good time to do so!

Get $5 off $30+!* Use Code LASTCHANCE24

Link to my Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheElpida94

For anyone who doesn't know or doesn't check up often, I have an etsy account. I sell stickers as well as a VERY LIMITED EDITION of an acrylic standee of a THICC big-butt Toriel.

Check out my etsy! https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheElpida94

There's only 18 of the standees left. So make you act fast before they're gone!

Reminder that if you buy the standee, you get the 3" Toriel sticker for FREE. If you wanna save money on shipping, you can also get my sticker sheet featuring


Link to my Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheElpida.....shboard-header

I was gonna try and keep my account but unfortunately, it would have been a pain in the ass to delete a whole bunch of my art on Twitter (or, I guess I'm fine calling it X now, fuck it). I decided that since the whole bot situation was getting worse on there and I was getting jack shit in terms of followers/views compared to Bluesky, I decided to just upright deactivate my Twitter account.

But fret not, I have a Bluesky! You can visit me on there via the link below. ALSO below is a link to my OFFICAL ETSY PAGE. Where I still have plenty of stickers and the thicc big-butt Toriel Standee figure. But I HIGHLY recommend getting it soon since 15+ people have the standee on their favorites. Get it before they're gone!


You can find my Bluesky on here: https://bsky.app/profile/theelpida.bsky.social
My Etsy Page: https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheElpida94

Due to some changes in policies, I plan on removing most of my art on Twitter. I don't mind much if my art is used for AI, honestly (especially as a hobbyist thing). However, the fact that Twitter, or "X", plans on having no way to opt out of it is a "bit" annoying. That and I don't want my art being used or associated by Elon, haha. That and just how annoying the algorithm has been, on Twitter.

Honestly, I'm digging Blue Sky. I really like how easy it seems to get my stuff noticed; partially with the use of "Starter Packs" created by other users. As well as a dedicated feed for a specific topic instead of just a BROAD AS ALL HELL "For you" and "Following" section. Though to be fair, this has always been the main issue with Twitter; even when they used to have post set in chronological order more than a decade ago. It's kinda why I never hopped onto twitter until the late 2010s.

I also like how customizable Blue Sky's algorithm is to the main feed. I've been wanting to curate the type of stuff I'm viewing/watching for awhile now as a way to be more productive and not get sucked in as much; whether it's related to random unrelated stuff or ragebait/doomscrolling crap. As said, having different feeds for a specific topic/tag helps a lot. Admittedly, this might make it more distracting but not in the same way it is on Twitter. I'd explain more but I need to head to bed soon, as I'm typing this lol.

My main gripe is there's no built-in way to schedule post and some of the 3rd party websites want you to pay a subscription just to schedule more than 10 post. I'm currently looking into PostyBirb for that, they have a way to post stuff on BlueSky. though it's pretty confusing on how things work for right now. Hopefully It'll click with my mind, soon. It's just more frustrating that the easier options require a payment, but I guess that's how they get yah.

So this doesn't exactly mean I'm gonna stop posting on Twitter, at all. I'm not gonna delete my Twitter account (for now, unless they do some dumb decision that results in a deletion). However, I won't be showing any finished art on there. I'll still advertise and promote my stuff on there but the majority of the finished artwork, and activity, will likely be on BlueSky.

I wanted to make this journal for the past few days now. I want to make it so everyone knows what to expect, going forward. I didn't want to freak anyone out if they suddenly couldn't find any of my art on Twitter lol.

Besides that, there's not much else to say. I'm still trying to juggle a bunch of different things while getting my lazy ass in gear. Meanwhile, I've recently introduced an 5" tall Thicc Toriel acrylic standee as well as two stickers: sticker sheet and a 3" Toriel one that uses the same design as the acrylic standee. So if you wanna support me while getting some neat stuff, please feel free to do so!


You can find my Bluesky on here: https://bsky.app/profile/theelpida.bsky.social
My Etsy Page: https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheElpida94

You can find it on here: https://bsky.app/profile/theelpida.bsky.social

I'm currently in the process of uploading a bunch of my older stuff on there. Unfortunately, I need to find a better way to schedule post. Fedica.com only allows a max amount of 10 scheduled post until you gotta pay $15+ for a subscription to continue.

I need an excuse to reuse my 4th of July overlay from last year, lol.

So I'm gonna spend the first hour or so just streaming Duckman or whatever else others/I'm in the mood for. Then I'll be moving onto working on comms.

Go to Picarto: https://picarto.tv/Elpida
https://picarto.tv/Elpida
https://picarto.tv/Elpida
https://picarto.tv/Elpida
https://picarto.tv/Elpida

I'll be streaming on Picarto at around 6PM EDT. Here's the link to it here, just in case: https://picarto.tv/Elpida

I hope to God it works, this time around. Heard some folks have been having issues streaming AND watching on there.

What should be the first set of 3"x3" stickers: Toriel or Shima?

I'm gonna be selling my own stickers, soon. However, I wanna gadge the number of interest of either one.I'll have one design be either printed first or have more quantity than the other.

Feel free to leave a comment for your input or vote on Twitter:

VOTE HERE: https://x.com/The_Elpida/status/180.....50396797419584

What characters would you like to see included?