Yeah, so almost a week ago, my PC died... well, I sort of helped it.

Long story short, I might need a new Motherboard or a CPU. Which... sucks... a lot.

Yes, I have not been posting for a long time before then, but right now, if someone has a request, I have to keep it on hold. Though if you do have a request for me to try, go ahead and put it here, and I'll come by when/if I get my PC funded and back.

So, yeah. Last month I started a few days into the month with a self-challenge. I... failed as I didn't set myself any real rules. AND I also didn't keep going. Part of that was... because I didn't detail to you all that it was happening outside of a Journal entry. That's shame on me. I know most don't care about that. SO, this time... I'm going to make rules, and title each picture properly.

RULES:
1. I will not spend more than 2 hours on the picture itself.
2. I will not make new models for the pictures.
3. I will use, show, and find ref pictures on FA to work off of.
4. I will not make animations.
5. I will make a picture a day.
6. I will listen to requests for pictures to do, HOWEVER, those pictures must have a ref picture I can link and credit.
7. I will not use models that I can't use for someone commissioning me.
8. I will not use models that have a vague or Non-commercial license.
9. I will use all the skills I have to make a picture looks as close to the ref as possible.
10. I will link where I got the character models from, if they still have a link, if not, I'll show who I got them from.
11. I will not just do MLP models. But a large number might be MLP models...
12. I might do SFW things, but most might end up as NSFW and inflation Kink aimed.
13. I will not use ref pictures that already have 3d models apart of it.

---

If you have some ideas for rules, go ahead and post them in the comments below. If you have a request, send me a message and we can discuss things.

Hey! It has... been a pretty long time since my last update. Mentally I'm... here. Physically I'm doing okay, I think. I'm... still unemployed but from the state of the world, I don't see that as a surprise to you all.

For the rest of this month, at least, I'm going to try to make a picture based off a refence picture I find on FA every day.
I'll link the source picture, and the models I end up using. But, more to the point. I'm going to be doing a few things.

1: The source picture will not be one that is either a 3d Model, or one that I can't tell if it is or is not one. (Some of the artists here are damn good at making me think it is 3d when it is just hand drawn.)
2: No animations. Those take a lot of time to make, and since I'm trying to work on posing, rigging, modeling, and fixing models/rigs I have I will not be doing full animations. (For at least this month)
3: I'll be only using models that people could commission me to use in pictures. (I have a few models that can get me in trouble gaining money off of, so I don't want to tease people... that way~)

4: If you have a request, make sure you have a link to the picture you want me to try and emulate/copy AND that the artist in question isn't going to be upset with me contacting them about making a copy.

5: I won't be reaching out to everyone I make copies of their pictures for two reasons.
a) That would put a block on myself keeping me from actually getting things done.
b) I will be crediting them anyways, and not making money off their art.

If you all have issues with any of this. Let me know. I'm sort of in a headspace of "DO THE THING!" and may not be thinking clearly.

Commission page with info!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/53043404/

List of characters I have 3d models on!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/53161388/

I've got a very big list of characters you all can pick from! I'll make sure to make a spot with all the characters I have open to me.

It isn't new that I lost my job last year, but what is "new" is how I've not gained a job since. Something worse is how I've also run out of unemployment. But what hurt the most? Just as my unemployment was gone, I got a job offer like my old job. I even got an interview. But as you might guess by now, I didn't get it.

Why the post now of all times? Well, a friend pointed out that I could start doing commissions. And that might just be why you're looking at this entry right now. If not, don't worry too much. After I get the poll votes and work on the more popular models I have at my fingertips, I'll post the commission details.

Aloha
I had a weird dream last night. Weird to me might be normal to you.
But it made me realize that I have a lot of things I just don't know, and don't want to know.

So, on this day, as I look out over a building blanket of white, I ask you all who view this to do a little self-reflection.

Try to see if there is anything that can be improved, changed for the better, or bad habits you can work to get rid of. Then, start setting up things to make those plans a reality.

While other's look to-today as a time to snuggle down with the one you love "most" I want you to do something a bit higher if you don't have the time, or someone, to spend with this day.

Look to the one you should love and may not be loving all that much.

Yourself.

I wish you all a grand, fun, and eventful time.

Aloha

Work had me working from home for about two months, and you'd think I would have time to mess around, right? Wrong. It so stressful that I couldn't get on FA save for a handful of times, and when I started to get more time and less stress... well, people moved on.

So, I had to do so too. I started to look into other things that I could do. Youtube is fun at times but... I just can't advertise myself with how little time I can devote to it.

So, I have gotten into somethings, one I will show off as I get better at it.

Right now, I have three things to show off, but note that I used a tutorial to build these things. But I still did make them with a free program.

The first thing I made was a Donut with a Glass of coffee: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/40042578/

Then I turned that into a very short animation: https://youtu.be/E5vpAFi5GHw

Then I made a Chair: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/40042527/

What's next? You'll have to wait and see~

So, I just got done doing a stream with a few friends who may not have had the best of Thanksgivings. I had a headache and my room was blazing hot, but I pushed through it because the show we were watching was fun most of the time and it felt good to see something with my friends. After it was done I started to sink back into my mind asking myself this very question.

What am I thankful for?

Lot's of things, most you all have heard a thousand times over, but one I don't think you all would expect is the following.

I'm thankful that I have Depression.

Weird right? Why be thankful for something so bad?

Because, the world isn't just one color, just one hue, just light and dark. The world is all in different shades and hues. Different people and views, and I am thankful I can understand a darkness like my type of depression and to know that there are more types than the one I have.

It allows me to realize that others have things worse than me and that, despite my depression, I am fortunate to have what I do.

I wish I could say, "That no matter how far I fall my friends will be there for me," but that simply isn't true. They are there for me, that I have no question of, but if I can't at least stand on my own two feet, then they can't really help me in the long run.

Friends are not a crutch, they are a support and guideline for you to walk and run on your own. Leaning on them from time to time is fine but you have to keep your head up on your own, they can't truly do that for you.

I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving and I hope your up coming Holidays will be wonderful.

Aloha.

I've been able to talk for the last two weeks or so, is what I'd like to say but the fact of the matter is I'm still having issues balancing things.

The 23rd of last month was the last day I had in my office building. I had thought about making a short blurb about my final thoughts of leaving the building and the like but in all honestly, I just was too upset at my overarching managers and their lack of caring for those below them to care.

So I didn't make it. The 26th I started working from home. I tried to balance things out but I didn't want to not have my time used so I started to record an episode a day of DOOM Eternal. This is proving to be a mistake and I'm taking a slight break from the game. It isn't that it is too much, the game is pissing me off in bad ways. I'm going to beat the game but I need to decompress from it more than I thought.

Some of you may already know that a large art dump is on the way if you've watched  Chasey_Ultra_Beast_Goodra's gallery. I had planned on making a few uploads of that a day but other things got in the way.

Right now I'm doing okay for the most part but later in the day, each day, my bright mood sinks, and I feel just sad for some reason.

Well, for those who see this before my uploads, I have over 30 pictures I've commissioned or rather that I asked the artists to go wild and I'd pay for.

First uploads will be Meme ones as they'll lose their meaning faster than the others.


I hope you are all doing well and can forgive my moody slips.

I've been quite quiet over the last few months.

Yesterday, Tuesday 10/20/2020, over half of my work's workforce were told that after the 23rd they were no longer apart of our workforce. Three of my DnD party lost their jobs or are going to I should say.

After the 23rd I don't know what'll happen. I've heard some scary rumors about how our client is very upset with a few things that are above my paygrade. The part that makes things worse is I may also be losing my job, but I'll only get a hint of this come... tomorrow at the earliest and the weekend via an email at the latest and won't know for solid until July.


I'm sad for the loss of so many good workers, how poorly this was all handled, and I'm scared for my own job.

If that was all then I wouldn't have much reason to not post, but there is more. The reason why the 23rd is so important is... that is when my department is out of the building that we are working in. They are moving to a new building that is not ready for us yet.

I worked in that building, rode a bus, drove a car, even sleeped in that building from time to time, for over 12 years. And now, as the days dwindel down and the weekend creeps closer, I face the last time I will ever be within those walls. All the memories I have in that place, all the people I meet, all the hate, love, and loss I felt within those walls. It'll all be gone and I am fighting so hard to not cry about it or think of it. I have not been in the best of places for some time now as I try to find a balance in my life and now I'm faced with so many things that make me worried, scared, sad, and at a loss for words.

To whom this may concern, I am sorry.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37003969/

I just got two from this artist and they were very fast about it too! Check them out and get one if you can~ They do custom edits to the base line of it too for extra.

Hello! Those of you who still watch this little bottom-heavy fox, thank you for keeping an eye on me. I'm doing better. The virus lockdown gave me time to just... be myself and stop worrying about stuff that actually doesn't matter. I wrote a short fanfic as some of you saw, and in fact, started writing another one that was meant to be a lot longer. I still plan on finishing that one but... the little mistakes that I do because of my lack of grammar understanding made me hesitate to post it anywhere right now.

I got back to work a few weeks ago, and that has been good for me too. Driving every morning, having something to do that is more or less set in stone, and having it have some meaning helps me feel good again. I'm going to be posting up pictures that I've held off on posting for some time now over this weekend. Comment if you want to and I'll get to it when I can.


I just wanted everyone who still cares but doesn't know, that I'm doing okay. I'm a bit tired getting back into the loop of things but it's a good sort of tired.


To all of you out there, be you one who cared or not, Have fun, be safe, and Aloha!

I've been meaning to post this as an update of sorts but also a warning.

I'm working with my doctor and friends to get a handle on my stomach problems that may or may not be due to caffeine overdosing for almost two weeks, but why I'm posting this here is simple.

My job as blocked FA from their network so I can't post or look at things there anymore what so ever.

This means I'll have to get into the routine of posting or checking when I get home.

That, sadly, will have to wait until my health improves. So, for now, any and all posts or FA related things will have to wait until the weekend.

I'm very sorry about this but it is out of my paws.

This last Friday 1/24 I had to stay home from work due to an illness I didn't know the cause of.
It cleared up around 8-9 am but I had it with not knowing what was wrong with me. So I went to the doctor's office near my home. At first, I just wanted a referral to get my gall stones removed, thinking they had to be at the heart of the problem. The doctor was nice and caring and actually did a once over with me to find out that my gall bladder was fine and it was my stomach that was giving me problems.

I'm trying the meds that the doctor gave me and hoping I get my appetite back and start feeling good throughout the day instead of just the morning.

Wish me luck for I am also wishing you all have good days and I really need the luck this time around. I'm truly tired of feeling sick.

Aloha!
Over Time or OT has been over with for a week at least.
Then why have I not posted anything in the meantime?
Because I've been feeling upset, bad, unwell, and all-around not okay.
When I go to work I can feel okay some times but on my days off I feel no enjoyment in anything.
That said, those of you waiting on me for things... wait a little longer knowing that I am not dead nor have forgotten.

I will get to what I can when I feel able to. I'm working out what is making me feel so tarrible but for now I'm just too unstable. v_v

Until next time my friends, have fun, be safe, and Aloha!

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9360030/

I plan on giving a little to the cause but if you out there can give a little too it'll be a big help to his goal.

I don't plan on making a habit of asking to help. Be it for me or for others.

On the 25th I streamed for 1 hour and 44 minutes. In that time my first controller couldn't use its D-pad right, the second controller was about to die, I got to live chat with a good friend, I beat a boss, built four rooms, and didn't die in-game.

The stream is archived on my channel if you want to check it out, I'm not sure I'll do another... ever. It was fun but so many things went wrong with it. Looking at no one watching wasn't fun but that feeling went away when the friend showed up and started chatting.

They reminded me to just spend the day with my family and friends. To relax and not stress. They may not even know it.

To those of you who wanted to show up but didn't get too. I'm sorry. I wanted to spend the whole day but as it went on I just felt like I was at work until my friend showed up. So when he left I just lost the drive that I barely had.


If you read this on the day I post it. Merry Chrismas! Or Happy Holidays!


Until the next free time, I get to actually post, RP, chat, or otherwise. Be safe, have fun, and Aloha.

An OverTime Warning

It's that time of year again folks. Time for pressing deadlines and the holiday sessions that make them push for workers to work overtime.

I was going to be doing a savings test to see if I keep this job and move closer to it or quit and find a job closer to home, but then work opened up the opportunity of overtime.

This, of course, dashed the chance of a good test and thus I will have to wait on that. However, I will still need to save up for a trip I am hoping to take with my sister.
This all said the new overtime hours makes it tricky and difficult to post or comment on anything. Just think that my schedule now is from 8 am to 8 pm of work and 8 to 5 on Saturday to boot.

Chrismas I'll be streaming Dragon Quest Builders on my YouTube Channel here:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCS.....FMyRulx0RqrDA?

That's until otherwise noted I'm afraid so the Air Art Raids my end up stopping as well as my RPing will most likely grind to a halt. I'll try to post here and there but please be mindful of my dilemma.

Fadepaws (My) Schedule So People can see My Life a little better.

Weekdays
4:00 AM
I wake up at this time to get started for my day.
4:10~4:20 AM
I head of the door at this time to go to work.
5:00~5:10 AM
This is often when I get to work for the morning.
When I get to work until 8:00 AM
This is when I have time to post/work on YouTube/RP and have to make the most of it.
8:00-8:30 AM
Depending on which lab I am working at (They are about 10 miles apart) I could start at 8 am or 8:30 am
8:00-8:30 AM to 5:00 pm
My work always gets out at 5 pm unless something really bad happens.
5 pm - 6~8pm
Here is the wait time for traffic. It often takes forever for traffic to be safe between the lab I am working at (Any of the three) and home. During this time I am either posting, RPing, playing some games at work, or writing. It is up to how grueling my workday has been as to what I'm doing after it.
7~9 pm
This is the window when I get home. After this point, it is rare for me to do anything but eat dinner, watch a show or two, and go to bed.


That's my weekday stuff. My weekend is so nebulous that I can't put hours to it but it is often me working on my videos for my YouTube channel.

!!!Warning Warning Warning!!!

!!Art Dump concluded! 66 remaining!!

!Cover your butts and heads!


(Also, I've been beyond busy but I'm doing a lot better.)

I had planned on telling you all that I was good and was ready to get back into everything on Monday the 29th but something felt off so I waited a few days. The following Wednesday I became aware that I was locked out of one of the labs. This forced me to wait 3 hours just to get into the lobby to wait 30 more minutes. I wasn't able to do much on that day and figured that was the worst of it.

Then Thursday popped up with me getting locked out of my account at the other lab for 2 hours. This proceeded a full workday where I couldn't sit down for more than a few minutes.

Friday rolled around with me thinkin' everything was squared away and no hassles to come. That was before I was sent to the lab I no longer have access to and because of me having to do something before I left to there I didn't have access to a working computer for most of the rest of the day.

The week is done, right? So, that means all the BS is out of the way right?

NOPE! Saturday I worked on my videos for my YouTube channel then went to go transport one of my few friends to his game. My sister was late with getting ready which delayed us and then my car gave me a warning light saying the front left tire was low. I didn't think too much on it and went to fill it up at a gas station. I didn't bring my wallet because I didn't think I needed it so my sister had to charge her credit card with the two air pumps we used. Both seemed to not work and my car still gave the warning light. When I got home my dad helped me out to find that the sensor may just be on the blink. I don't even remember Sunday in truth.

To all of you who are being patient with me, Thank you but I need a little more time. For those who have had it waiting for me and left. I can't nor will blame you.


To all of you, have fun and be safe in spite of my shortcomings.

Aloha.

I want to start this by saying that I'm not fishing for help, I'm not looking for help, I'm not asking for help, but I won't turn down help. This whole thing is to let everyone who cares to look know what happened to me.



On the morning of Wednesday the 17th of July 2019 I broke. The events that lead to this point had been causing me issues and making it hard to even smile at times but on that day it came to a head and fell apart. My co-workers are none the wiser that I know of and if I don't say anything know most of you wouldn't have guessed as the timing of my break down was in line with FA crashing.

I want to be clear that this had nothing to do with FA going down. I've had and still have, a lot of things I need to work out. A lot of things that upset me and no one who I can have a debate with about it. I'm not saying that all of you aren't good to talk to but I know myself. I know that I have a very hard time just talking about things I'm passionate about. I either get stubborn and never yield while hearing someone out, they get too upset for us to continue a debate and it melts into an argument, or they turn "yes man" and makes me feel like I shouldn't have tried.

The last few days have also been oddly timed as I've been in a lab for work without any net access. This has left me only a few minutes in the morning to even access the internet.


I hope this doesn't cause anyone harm in any way, shape, or form and that you all have a great day in spite of all my failings.


Aloha.

In 2018 a lot of things happened. Of that there is no doubt, but here is some of the things that happened to me in the last year.

Why didn't I do this sooner? Well... not all of it is happy, so I didn't feel like doing this when everyone was saying "Happy New Years!", but I am also weird at times.

This is in as close as I can remember of the time line of events, but I won't say the times that these events occurred. ^_^

1. I commissioned my first picture ever. Seen Here

2. I commissioned my first picture of Fadepaws Seen Here

3. I started RPing for the first time. I don't know where that is right now however.

4. I started to roll out new characters and am still making new ones.

5. November 5th of 2018, my mother died.

6. Sometime after the Fade you all know now came into the body.

7. I crashed my car. It was totaled.

8. I started to have a RP burnout and issues just talking with people.

9. I posted my list of friends (Which I should update soon). These friends helped me through the worst of things.

10. My friend hung up their RPing hat, and gave me their character list. A character list I am trying to get art on I might add. They were going to make a Tumblr Q&A with their main, but found they didn't have the time to. Tumblr died shortly after they gave me their list.

11. My friend got her first coven member art.

12. I got into a napping timing to help against my mind going goofy.

13. I showed FA my YouTube channel. ^_^


Not as good as other peoples lists but I don't have the time to devote to make it as good as I want it to be.

So I realize that I am taking a huge gamble with advertising my YouTube page here. Not everyone is as understanding as my good friends are after all.

That said! I have a YouTube channel where I play and commentate on video games. I try to not be fake with my commentary and be as professional as I can.... buuuut swearing does happen from time to time. I have played a LOT of games both on my channel and just in general.

I don't show my face at all so far as I feel that it takes from the game that is being played, and I am still shy as %^*&.

I can't say that all of my work on the channel is 100% the best but it is what I did.

I have an associate that helps me from time to time too, but she doesn't do many videos these days.

We take requests if any of you want to here some commentary, see someone else play, or just play a game that you want to see the story but don't want/can't play a game. Just ask and we'll see what we can do. ^_^

So be aware, I try to voice act, and I'm a little bad at reading aloud. If you want a chuckle try my Prey play through. It.... gets bad... XD

Below is the playlists of each game in my channel, and if they are completed, discontinued, or ongoing. Mind you if y'all want to see a discontinued game completed than just ask. The (Co-Op) is a playthrough were I play the game with a buddy.

OH! And by 'completed' I don't mean 100% most of the time. I'm not THAT[ YouTuber. XD That doesn't mean I won't try it just is up to the game. Oh and last note is this is 80% of my content the other 20% is just one shot videos and other things of that nature.

Five Nights At Freddy's Shadow Eyes Revenge

Teslagard (Discontinued)?
Dead Cells(Ongoing)
Chasm(Ongoing)
Oxygen NOT Included (Discontinued)
Subterrain (Discontinued?)
Redeemer (Complete)
Shiness The Lightning Kingdom (Discontinued)
Shantae: Half-Genie Hero (Completed) (Mostly)
The Long Dark (Ongoing)
Skylar & Plux Adventure on Clover Island (Complete)
Subnatica (Full Release) (Completed)
Fallout Equestria Remains (Completed)
Song of the Deep (Complete)
FortressCraft Evolved (Discontinued)
Contrast (Complete)
Reveal the Deep (Complete)
Agents of MAYHEM (Complete)
War for the Overworld (Discontinued)
Binding of Isaac: Afterbirth + Dailys (Discontinued)
Jotun (Complete)
Conarium (Complete)
NieR: Automata (Complete)
Azure Striker Gunvolt (Complete)
Sacred Citadel (Discontinued)(Co-op)
The Binding of Isaac: Afterbirth + (Discontinued)
Prey (Complete)
Spareware (Complete)(Co-Op)
The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth (Complete...ish)
Valley (Complete)
Chroma Squad (Completed)
Goliath (Discontinued)
ABZÛ (Completed)
Daydreamer (Complete)
Magicians & Looters (Complete)
Cosmochoria (Discontinued)
Bulb Boy (Complete)
Corgi Warlock (Complete)
Ring Runner Flight of the Sages (Discontinued)
Axiom Verge (Completed)
Slime Rancher (Discontinued)
Subnatica Precursor update (Completed)
Subnatica Dangerous Creatures update (Completed)
Last Tinker City of Colors (Discontinued)
Space Siege (Complete)
Rogue Trooper (Discontinued)
Subnatica Prawn Update (Completed) (Kinda)
Cally's Caves 3 (Discontinued)
Starbound (Full Game) (Discontinued)
Evoland 2 (Discontinued)
Blood Knights (Completed)
Cally's Trials (Discontinued)
Evoland (Completed)
A Wizard's Lizard (Discontinued)
Windforge (Discontinued)
Space Engineers (Tutorial Playthrough)
Space Engineers (Discontinued)
Freaking Meatbags (Discontinued)
FarSky (Completed)
Subnatica Power Nap Update (Completed) (Kinda)
A Boy and His Blob (Remake) (Completed)
Battleborn (Completed)
Subnatica Scanner Update (Completed) (Kinda)
MegaMagic Wizards of the Neon Age (Completed)
Breakware Play's SaGa Frontier Red's Story (Discontinued)
Subnatica Oculus Update (Completed) (Kinda)
Hyper Light Drifter (Completed) (Kinda)
Rack 'n Ruin (Discontinued)
Subnatica Farm Update (Completed) (Kinda)
Failed Subnatica (Only 3)
Modded (hardmode) Terraria (Discontinued)
Subnatica (Completed)
Super Panda Adventures (Complete)
Fowl Space (Complete)
A Vampyre Story (Complete)
Secret of Evermore (Discontinued)
Starbound (Complete)
Kaptain Brawe (Complete)
Breakware plays Ironsword Wizards & Warriors 2 (Complete)
Modded (pre-hardmode) Terraria (Complete for now)