wailing gales of snow
churning pain in biting ice
windows weep with frost

eyes of green open
jade flickers on the treetops
waves of emerald

amber tears flutter
mourning for the sun's embrace
a prison of snow

I was trapped beneath a weary sea.
I met you and emerged from the waters, drawing my first breath.

I have a titanic appetite for carnal indulgence
As I grew up I was told that it made me an outcast
I kept it secret so I wouldn’t be without friends
This meant I had to be without love
Oh how I wanted to be loved

I found an artist who said she loved me
She said she would care for my appetite
She was happy until I touched her passionately
She called me a monster, but said she still loved me
She showed me how to act like a man
I wanted her hands to remain on my heart
For who could love a monster?

Clenched teeth hidden behind pursed lips
Safety words halting momentum of lust
Restraining furious and trembling muscles
I am the best lover she has ever had
I am starved for a passionate embrace

I am so hungry I ache
She winces at my intensity
“I am afraid you’ll hurt me.”
My flesh remains unfed, but she says she still loves me
I wanted her hands to remain on my heart

“You are a monster, and cannot understand matters of the heart.”
She left me for another
His hands had no claws to threaten the heart she gave him
I am an outcast with a broken heart and an unslaked appetite

I found a witch who said she loved me
She said she would care for my appetite
She was happy until I touched her softly
She called me a child, but said she still loved me
She showed me how to act like a man
I wanted her hands to remain on my heart
For who could love a child?

Teeth cutting into blood-smeared flesh
Bruises churning with blue and black pain
Hands wrapped around throats in fury
I am the best lover she has ever had
I am starved for a gentle embrace

I am so hungry I ache
She laughs at my tenderness
“I am afraid you won’t keep up with me.”
My flesh remains unfed, but she says she still loves me
I wanted her hands to remain on my heart

“You are a child, and cannot understand matters of the flesh.”
She left me for another
His hands had claws that pleased the body she gave him
I am an outcast with a broken heart and an empty stomach

I have never been loved
I have been used
Used for my body
Used for my eagerness to please
Used for the way I devour shame

My heart is a broken lantern that swings in my chest
My appetite is ravenous jaws that chew on my body
Nighttime brings tears and fantasies
Morning brings truth and shame
I am alone
No one could love an outcast

I was cleaning up when something crinkled in my winter jacket
They were notes from her
Ones I hadn’t seen in almost 2 years
There was so much love for me
So much humility when she was wrong
Each ended with “Love Always”
They were sent weeks before she found comfort in him
Weeks before she explained that she hadn’t been happy in years
Weeks before she told me it was my fault
I saw that we had both changed
She did not
As my memories of the time fade
I can only recall the happiness
The passion
The romance
I know we were wrong for each other
But right now, holding these notes
I miss her

Petals fallen and barren of pollen,
my heart is a flower I mourn
Broken and weathered, now painfully tethered
to once treasured moments, forlorn