The title says it all. Hope you like soles.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/62574302/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/62574302/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/62574302/

Follow the link for details.

Just a little reminder is all!

  foxpeach and I are open for coms!

If you're interested, check the journal below for prices and examples:

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8466378
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8466378
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8466378

If you want to discuss, contact me either here or on discord.

If you're a previous customer and we haven't talked in a while, know that I have a new discord.
Send me a note if you want to connect again.

Thank you!

Hey there people!

  foxpeach and I are open for coms!

If you're interested, check the journal below for prices and examples:

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8466378
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8466378
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8466378

If you want to discuss, contact me either here or on discord.

If you're a previous customer and we haven't talked in a while, know that I have a new discord.
Send me a note if you want to connect again.

Thank you!

The elections are over. Yes, democracy can suck. Yes, your grievances are valid. That doesn't give you the right to threaten people with violence. You know who you are.

I got a new discord profile. Send me a note or write here if you want me to add you.

Hello everyone.

I'm offering one discounted story commission. 4,000 words for 20 USD.

It's first come, first serve, and the same TOS rules apply. Click here to check the rules: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8466378

You can order a regular commission if you want something longer and with artwork by my art partner   foxpeach . Prices in the link above.

If you want just art, I strongly recommend you check out   foxpeach .

Note me here or on discord to claim.

I haven’t uploaded much art and journals lately. I started my own business, I’m writing a book, and I focused a lot more on myself and I’d say things are going fine! Yeah that’s right, your favorite deer boy is now a businessman™.

But let’s keep it focused, okay?

Lately I noticed that some of my closest friends have been feeling disconnected from the fandom, each with their own different reasons. I can share that feeling. That’s not me saying that I’m leaving, it’s more like admitting that there’s things that I personally do not agree with. And what exactly? Well, it’s that nagging feeling that some people in the fandom are treating this website as their own personal fiefdom.

I have seen cases of people doing suspicious to downright immoral things. Yes, suspicious and immoral activities are hardly new things to the furry fandom, but it’s different when you’re watching it unfold. I’m not going to paint everyone on the website with a broad stroke as I have met some of the most talented and amazing people via this site. That, and I like to imagine most people on the site are decent human beings. But it happened enough to make me more cynical.

Examples:

I’ve had people ask me for money to pay their rent, only to find out they’ve purchased YCHs on the very same day.

I’ve seen people beg for donations to pay for their medical bills while at the same time posting art they commissioned from popular artists. Someone I know outbid me in a YCH and the same day they make a journal begging for money to buy anxiety medication.

I’ve had someone pressure an artist friend of mine so they can get art with me.

I’ve lost count of the times people refused to pay me for their stories or cancelled at the last moment.

I’ve been stalked and harassed.

People have admitted they don’t want to talk to me because I’m not popular enough.

Artists that I adored ended up doing shady shit behind the scenes.

And every time people have done something inappropriate or questionable in my presence they always think it’s an acceptable thing to do. Since when are those examples I shared been acceptable things to do?

“Please donate so I can afford my medicine. Please ignore the gallery full of growing and expensive artworks. Yes, I did pay triple digits for this art piece and no I don’t think its relevant to the discussion.”

Look, no one is going to belittle you for needing help to pay your medical bills, but if you’re having medical issues the appropriate thing to do is to cut down on the commissions and focus on your health. Your wellbeing is more important than commissioning a popular artist. If you’re in a situation where you’re juggling between preserving your health and getting a fursuit, then you need to practice the ancient art of getting your shit together.

And just because you’re popular doesn’t make you an authority. Just because your OC is a bear or a wolf or a platypus doesn’t mean you get to accuse people of plagiarism. This is a public website. 90% of your gallery is NSFW content that people “enjoy” after coming home from work. There’s nothing necessary or revelatory.

So yeah. If you’re wondering why I’m cynical, here’s a snippet as to why. And for the love of god, focus on your health if you’re sick. Your health should always, ALWAYS, take priority. I know people who have had the same issues as me, to a greater or lesser extent. I like to imagine is good to talk about these kinds of things. Makes you value your true friends even more.

  foxpeach and I are open for coms!

Click on the link for details.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48167749/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48167749/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48167749/

After doing the occasional piece of work here and there, I’m glad to say I’ve finally managed to get my hands on some stable employment. I don’t want to divulge too many details, you know, creating a separation between my life in the fandom and what really matters, but I’ll say that it involves writing gaming related content.

I haven’t really written much here or posted as I usually did. I’ve sort of been trying to focus less on the internet and more on myself. And for the most part I’d say things have been getting better. I’ve had less panic attacks, I’ve learned a few new things, made a few new things, surrounded myself with amazing people.

Last journal I posted I mentioned I was trying to make things better. Guess I did it?

Hey hey.   foxpeach and I are open for coms!

Click on the link for details.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48167749/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48167749/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48167749/

Hello. Last week I realized I wasn't entirely content with my life, personal reasons and poor work environment, so I decided to quit my job and take some time to ponder where I want to go. That's the short version.

I'll describe my job for you now: poor relations, subpar pay and no future prospects. The only reason I stayed was because having some income was better than having no income, but after a heated argument with a coworker (one of many), which later escalated into threats towards me, I said to myself enough was enough. My depression/health anxiety was coming back. Staying wasn't going to change anything. I just couldn't take it so I left. Talked with HR. Talked with my department head. Ceased my contract the very next day, delivered my company equipment yesterday.

For those that stuck around with me on discord or read some of the previous stuff I posted on here, you'd know that the work culture at my now former place of employment was rather toxic. Certain staff members got too comfortable with the new covid approach, egos were running unchecked, and management had the wool over their eyes. Not everyone was horrid, but the quantity and quality of horridness was enough to make you want to reconsider your choices. I later found out that I wasn't the only person who had problems with said horrid people, which probably explains why one of my managers was actively discouraging me from contacting support because it would make "the rest of the team look bad". Constant trash talking. Constantly being two faced. Rumor mills. The hubris. The fucking I'm-just-tough-on-you-because-I-care-about-you shit. We're your friends, you know that right? You don't want to put your friends in a bad position right? Slow responses. Passive aggressive responses. Making me redo work because they couldn't be bothered to elaborate. The constant criticism and downplaying.

I just have a whole lot of other complaints but fortunately I told the most important stuff to my department head. I did try to sound as professional as possible so there's at least that. The company's constantly peddling this image that they're not just a faceless entity, treating everyone involved like they'd treat their closest friends. I suppose if you're trying to be competitive its good bullshit to peddle. Human element. Relatable. Progressive. To keep up appearances they apparently released a company email saying I've departed due to my personal struggles. And how many people tried to contact me after the news came out?

Just one. That's how I know. Granted I know I sound like I'm demanding, but compared to the work culture being conveyed, it just shows the disconnect. We care about you, that's what is said on the email so it must be true! We care about you but we're not going to contact you after you leave. We want you to get better but we're not going to bother to connect, BUT, we'll try to control the narrative if possible.

So yeah. Left my job, no regrets. Struggling mentally.

I got enough cash to last for a bit though I'll be visiting family, think the company will makes things easier. I haven't left, I'm just...not that well at the moment. I am however trying to get better.

Anyway. Sorry for being a downer.

Guess who turns 24 today?

We are currently in 2022 in my corner of the world. Don't know what the year has in store for me, but there's one easy way to find out am I right?

Happy New Year everyone. May it be better than the last.

There's been a spike in discord related hacks as of late. Here are details I copied from a post on itch.

Malware is being distributed via Discord with hackers attempting to use itch.io and other sites to trick you into downloading a program that steals your Discord account token, payment information, and more.

If you receive a DM from someone you don’t fully trust asking you to download or test their game, DO NOT DOWNLOAD
It is safe to view the page, but do not download any untrusted software
Games that run in your browser are sandboxed by your browser and pose no risk of infecting your computer
Report the page using the report link on the bottom of the page
Based on our understanding the exploit works as follows:

Unsuspecting user has the Discord app installed on their Windows computer
They receive a DM from someone they may or may not know (it may be someone that hasn’t spoken to you in a long time, or someone from a mutual server)
The hacker asks you to test a game they’re working on and provide an itch.io or other link to download the software
The software is a program that reads a file at a certain directory on your computer that contains your Discord API token
This token gives full access to your Discord account with no restriction on where or how it can be used
The scammer uses this token to:
Steal your account from you (change password, email)
Use stored payment information to spend thousands of dollars on Discord Nitro/Server boosts
They may message from your account to your friends list/servers with the same or similar message asking others to download the file
We have received reports that Discord support is not handling refunds for these fraudulent payments. This is most likely illegal, keep pressuring them or open disputes if necessary

So long story short, compromised discord accounts are spreading malware either via files or itch.io links. Operating any of the flies gives them access to your discord information and payment details. If you receive a file asking to test something, DO NOT OPEN.

Sadly two of my closest friends have fallen for it and I've seen it in action. Be vigilant. If someone is operating like this in a server you're in, either remove them immediately, delete their post or notify admins ASAP.

And to the hackers, go plough yourselves.

Hello everyone. Got personal news to share.

Recently I was diagnosed with mixed anxiety-depressive disorder and general health anxiety, and by recently I mean a couple of weeks ago.
For those that know me personally, really know me not just watch me for the porn, know that I’ve always been a kind of troubled person. In recent years I’ve had a difficult time trusting people, I find it hard to even trust my own judgement on many things, and I’ve always been introverted as all hell, paranoid. If I had to be blunt about it, I’d say I was “reminded” how fragile, cruel and unpredictable life can be at times during these past few months, with the passing of my grandmother, the state of some of the people I respect and those that I love, news of tragedy and death I’ve stumbled across, the attitudes at work, just a persistent, strong aura of negativity around me.

Not too long ago, my grandmother passed away from natural causes. Before she left us she developed dementia and turned from a sweet old lady into this spiteful, hateful person. She rarely talked to us about anything other than theories how everyone wants to kill her, steal from her, smother her in her sleep and theorized that it must’ve been us who killed grandfather. She wasn’t herself anymore, I told myself that it’s not her talking it’s the illness talking, yet I couldn’t be there for her when she needed me. I wanted to visit her more but then the news came and I felt both sorrowful and incredibly stupid. I wish I could’ve been there for her, that I visited more often, picked my words more carefully, had the last moments together be I don’t know, something along the lines of happy. When we got back from the memorial service and my health started acting up I guess a part of me just got twisted. I became obsessed with the thought that I was sick with something hidden and I became incredibly irrational, experiencing frequent panic attacks. My psychologist labelled it as the manifestation of destructive/catastrophic thinking where it is a consistent cycle of negative thoughts spurred on by my personal fears, that being death and hidden illness. My personal dissatisfaction with a lot of things and surroundings were fuel for that.

When you develop this mindset that the world is actively going against you and everyone around you, you begin to change for the worst. I’m afraid of death, I worry about myself and the people I love, I hate the uncertain, I hate pain, I hate the feeling of unpredictability and unfairness, I have plans for the future and I hope to enact them. I’m not 100% happy with a lot of things in my life professionally and with family and coupled with the fact that everything is uncertain it makes things worse for me.

Living with health anxiety/mixed anxiety-depressive disorder is not an easy thing, you need to force yourself to think in a different manner and to describe it to the best of my ability, there is this voice in the back of your head telling you nothing will be fine, that everything can go to shit in a heartbeat and how it’ll impact you and everyone around you. You try to think logically and remain rational, be positive, but at that point what you have is two conflicting states bottled together.

I realized that this irrational fear is taking a toll on me and wallowing in self-pity won’t achieve anything. So I visited professionals, got myself diagnosed, got prescribed supplements to mildly treat it including magnesium pills, I’m spending more time with my family and I’m writing a book as a form of therapy. I learned not to give a shit when my boss tries to bully me and I try to not get so upset anymore. When I get back from visiting my other grandparents I’ll have regular sessions with professionals to help keep my life under control. Deep down I know that all my problems are just ridiculous thoughts taking hold of me. I know that life can be both good and bad, we as humans just tend to focus more on the bad. I’ve been tempted to start drinking again but that’s never a solution, and I don’t want to take any anti-depressants for the rest of my life.

I don’t expect people to pity me and I don’t mind if people do not take me seriously. I know it can sound silly to some but hey, it’s all fun and laughs until it happens to us. I didn’t wake up one day and decide to be like this, I don’t take pride in my state and I don’t wish people to feel what I feel. I just wrote this because I feel like I need to put it out there for me. In my mind, it has to make sense. I need to be able to look back at it and tell myself I confronted my problems. I’m fine physically yet not mentally, but I am seeking to make things better.

My advice is this: enjoy life the best you can, love and be loved, and if you struggle seek professional help immediately.

Hello everyone! I'm proud to announce that I'm part of another comic YCH featuring   Mellybyte and drawn by   zoryan , who has previously collaborated with me on creating lore art for the game I'm working on, Project Skyward.

Two studs get to spend time with the beautiful Calico ktty, so yes, things will get spicy. :3

This YCH will be similar to the previous ones I've worked on, coming with both art and short stories in one neat package. The base comic is two pages with two short stories, with another page and writing being provided if the combined bids reach a certain amount.

If you're interested, you can check the auction over here.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/40815067/

Thank you!

Just to remind that   foxpeach and I are still open for collab coms, although only sketch options are available. Contact me if you're interested.

Cheers lads.

Yes, this is a vent journal. I just need an outlet to project my thoughts right now.

So as some of you know I’ve managed to get myself a new job in November. I’ve been wanting to work for this company for quite some time, as they are international, they have a good reputation, it looks good anywhere you put it, its related to my degree and it beats being unemployed. After waiting ages and ages, I got approved. I came in with high spirits, ready to soak knowledge and experience like a sponge, and soon found out that the person that I’ll be working under is a bully.

To clarify, I am new to this industry/position, and early it was agreed upon that she would train/help me in my responsibilities and we’d work together to achieve our objectives. Everyone involved in my recruitment agreed, because If it’s a specialist field, you can’t expect people to be perfect at the start. That is what she and I agreed on.

I quickly realized that she agreed on this less because she wants to be a responsible manager but more because she has someone to crush. It started with her dismissing me when I gave her inquires. Keep in mind I am aware of my surroundings and I can usually tell when someone is busy. Not busy at all, but she still snapped at me. Telling me to fuck off and not bother her. If she were in a good mood she’d help, while having the most bored expression you can imagine and I have to pry the answers out of her mouth.

Also, when I first joined the company I noted down all the relevant details in my notebook, including the number of the helpline for harassment and other abuse, because you know, it’s good to have it just in case. When I told her I had noted it down, she immediately got super defensive, telling me how I’ll just waste people’s time with it and how I shouldn’t bother them or if I’m planning on complaining if things get rough. Telling me I should take it like a man if I have a problem and not be a rat. Why would you discourage someone from seeking help if they need it? Why would you label people who do it a rat? Her attitude I just wrote it off as her parents and peers spectacularly failing to teach her manners, but actively discouraging someone from seeking help for abuse? That should’ve been my first red flag.

Really makes you wonder right?

And later, when I started getting the hang of things, things got gradually worse. She started to sabotage me.
She often made me do different kinds of reports only for me to find out that some details are not correct because they have to be done in a specific way. A way that wasn’t explained to me. You have no idea how much time I lost because she couldn’t be bothered to say “oh hey about that report you’ll need to do this this and that for those sections” etc. From changing sections to redoing entire presentations from scratch because she didn’t want to tell me.

Her “forgetting” to show me how to get access to material. Taking ages to respond, not because she’s busy with work, gotta go on her smoke break and chat with her girlfriends. Raising her voice at me at random. Interrupting me and putting me down while working and in general conversation. Just this incredibly hostile/disrespectful attitude that came about for no reason. When you hinder someone so many times by “forgetting”, it doesn’t look like forgetting anymore, it starts to look like you’re doing it deliberately. I’ve seen her trash talk different employees from different departments and even tried to start a rumor mill by discussing that someone disliked me because of my age and appearance. I’m sorry, are we in fucking school? Are you 12 years old?
And this Monday I became convinced she gimped me so many times on purpose.

She gave me the wrong information regarding something vital, something very vital with a close deadline, avoided me on purpose, made me work overtime, outright refused to cooperate over the most basic things, mounting pressure while at the same time refusing to budge and making me take the path of most resistance. And when we had the chance to really speak, she kept raising her voice at me and decided it would be a good idea to humiliate me by making me redo the whole thing with something extra, while livestreaming it to her. I told her the connection was slow because of the livestream and I could send it later.

“I don’t remember giving you permission to leave.”

Just…oozing with arrogance and hatred for no good reason. She admitted she messed up, but didn’t apologize.

Overall just…no one is that hostile and difficult towards someone without being a bully. Normal, rational human beings do not do everything they can to mess someone up.

And where I am now?

I didn’t come to be bullied. And with her? Well, I’m not learning much and not getting much experience either. Only reason I’m staying is because it’ll look good on my CV and I need the cash. Why not call the helpline? Why not talk to someone about it? Because everyone knows her, is friends with her and I’m the stranger. It’ll be my word against hers and if she finds out, I’m afraid it’ll just get worse. I’m not confrontational, and she knows it.

Well. Yeah. That’s it guys. Sorry for ranting. And sorry for any typos, wrote this quick.

Guess who turned 23 today.