Obligatory silly title.

Merry Xmas or whatever you celebrate. Have a safe and sane one. :3

Some less sexy thoughts this TMI tuesday, but hey, it's not all dicks and rainbows.


Social anxiety:


I am often tremendously, painfully shy, especially when trying to be social. Basically to the point of having panic attacks. My mind just starts to race, and I start thinking that everyone hates me, thinks terribly of me, and just wants me to go away and leave them alone.

It’s a nearly paralyzing problem at times, even with my closest friends. Hell, there are even times it’s hit when I want something from Lost, though that usually more to do with sex and kink things.

The first time I went to a dance at AC is one example. I was literally unable to make myself get up and dance with my friends even though I desperately wanted to. I just sat in a chair and watched, and afterwards I felt terrible. I was convinced everyone hated me for not participating, and just wished I wasn’t there anymore. But I also was certain if I had gotten up and danced I would have made such a fool of myself they would have been even more unhappy with me than they were with me not doing so.

It’s a very toxic feeling, and very hard for me to break out of. I’ve been hugely grateful to Lost for dragging me out of my shell and forcing me into these sorts of things. As bad it can leave me feeling, inevitably when we do it again I get over my anxieties and actually enjoy myself. I feel bad for him having to deal with my idiocy, though.


Self Image:


I’m constantly amazed to think that  l0st, or anyone else in the world, might actually find me attractive. I’m trying to get in better shape, and have lost a good bit of weight, but all I can think of when I see myself is how much I hate how I look. I honestly have trouble imagining anyone finding me attractive, and wish I just had a boatload of time and money to throw at the problem, so I could get a good trainer and diet coach, and go to the gym more and not feel awful. Prolly liposuction too, just to help things along.


Twitter:


I feel like I’m a terrible creeper on twitter. I have a lot of kinks, but the idea of trying them out myself leaves me feeling rather terrified. Partly because some of them involve a degree of giving up control that scares me (hypnosis, heavier bondage). Partly because I think people would look down on me for them (pup play, fursuit sex). And finally, partly because I think they would end up being much less sexy in real life and sort of… ruin things for me (fursuit sex, pup play, heavier bondage, milking machines, hypnosis).

So instead of actually doing them, I tend to just find people that indulge in them, and try to sort of lurk and watch. But I think that must make people think I’m some terrible awful creeper person. I’m really trying not to be, I just… I dunno. I want to be part of things, and it seems like people are willing to talk about them openly, so it feels like a safe way to sort of, feel things out and see how they are. But then I feel like I’m just that creepy guy who sits and watches and makes everyone uncomfortable and they just wish he’d go away.


Being a horndog


I can get amazingly horny at the drop of a hat. Sometimes I like it, cause it means if I really want to I can just go and go and go sexually. But a lot of the time I wish it was less ridiculous. I feel like I’m some kind of awful pervert who’s way more concerned with sex than everyone else and everyone hates me for it. I just wish I could be less of a hornball all the damn time, I feel like I’d be a lot more productive if I wasn’t. Gods know I’ve tried all sorts of ways to modify my behavior though and none of it has helped, so I’m stuck with it I guess.



Making conversation


I'm terrible at talking to people. I just can't ever think of things to talk about, and usually the other person leads the conversation. I always feel like I'm boring the other person to tears or that I sound like a complete ass. I really feel bad about it cause I want to talk more with people and get to know other people better. I'm kind of worried that as much as having  l0st around has helped me meet people that I'm coming to rely on him to get me out and meeting people. I'm afraid I'm becoming dependent on him for that.

 caigan is holding a Lil' Wagger Yarn Tail raffle

The tails are cute and awesome!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5182709/

Stolen from  jeevestheroo

1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
Yush!

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
I prefer mornings and afternoons, but anytime is a good time :3

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Left side, looking from the foot to the head. I like to be against the wall.

4. Do you masturbate?
Yus

5. How often? Lately?
Usually 1-3 times per day, 3-5 times if I’m really pent up or my meds are changing.

6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
No.

7. Do you prefer showers or baths?
Shower. With my mate. >:3

8. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
Fooled around a little, but not full on sex. Yet. >:3

9. Do you watch/read pornography? With other people?
Yes, and I have yes.

10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Balanced. I’m subby and love to be dommed, but I don’t mind switching it up now and then.

11. Do you love someone on your friends list?
Well, I LOVE my mate, and love some of my friends as friends, if that makes sense.

12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
No, but I’d like to get to know many of them better :D

13. Would you choose love or money?
Love, money’s important, don’t get me wrong, but and empty life filled with cash still sucks.

14. Your top three favorite kinks in bed?
Actual IRL kinks, prolly tickling, bondage, and being cum in.

15. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
Yeah, but only crazy ERP stuff, and that’s easy enough to block. Never IRL.

16. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
um… no where really special romantic, our bedroom I guess. Got some plans to maybe do things in the future on that front though. :D

17. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
we haven’t really done it anywhere weird. Yet. >:3

18. Have you ever been caught having sex?
Nope, but been caught jerking it.

19. Have you ever been to a strip club?
No.

20. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
No.

21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club for sexual reasons?
No.

22. Ever been picked up in a bar?
No.

23. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
Yup. totally gay. Kissed, like, 3 girls in my life, never had sex with them. Guys on the other paw… :3

24. What's your sexuality?
Totally, completely gay.

25. Had sex in a movie theater?
No. Thought about it once or twice, but no.

26. Had sex in a bathroom?
No.

27. Have you ever had sex at work?
No. Maybe some day, lol, but I doubt it.

28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
Yes, by myself and with friends.

29. Bought something from an adult store?
Online and IRL.

30. Do you own any sex toys?
Many, and planning to get more. Variety is the spice of life, and sex toys are great fun. ^o╦o^

31. If yes, how many and what are they?
I have a pic on my AD account on twitter.

cerberus sheat, BD Dragoness, Prostate hammer, Rude boy, Rude Big Boy, Rude Butt Boy, Rocks off 7 and ten speed bullets, 2 BD gryphons (small and medium), BD tail, fun factory double ender, misc double ender, two elypse art canine inflatables, tantus butt plug, 3 misc vibes, two tantus cock rings, fun factory duke, oxballs wolf lock, feeldoe stout, squarepeg medium torpedo, canine toy from some yiff toy company that I think is out of business. couple small trainer dildos, fun factory rippled dildo, tantus probe, bucket of goo.

32. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
There are some naughty pics of me on my AD twitter (dick shots)

33. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
No.

34. Have you ever had phone sex?
…Sort of. It’s a long and stupid story.

35. Have you ever had cyber sex?
Yus, it was fun, looking to do more at some point, but I’m shy and have trouble saying that I want it so… *blushes*

36. Do you think oral sex constitutes a form of intercourse?
Yeah, I mean, it’s sex. I dunno if I’d call it “intercourse” but it’s sex.

37. What's your favorite sexual position?
3 way tie (murr :p): 69 with my mate’s cock in my mouth and my nose buried in his balls and taint, riding my mate’s dick (classic cowboy), or face down on the bed with my mate pounding me from behind.

38. What's your favorite sex act?
3 way tie (murr :p) between sucking a guy off, being tickled while being sucked on, and being fucked,

39. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
Yus, it was very fun, looking to do more of that in the future :3. With appropriate protection and screening as needed, of course, and only with people that we know and want to do it with.

40. Who do you think has the guts to re-post this
Whoever wants to. No pressure, and no shaming if you do or don’t :D

Well, I had a lovely labor day weekend.  jousterL got to come up and hang with  l0st and I. We went kayaking which was a blast, and got to go to a party that  truegrave9 threw for locals. It was great to meet some local furs and I definitely will start keeping an eye out for more opportunities to do so.

But now it's back to work, and obviously, that kind of Tuesday again. So, ask me stuff, here, at my AD twitter, or at my tumblr.

http://ferinoch.tumblr.com/ask

https://twitter.com/floofywoof_AD

It's Tuesday again... (I really need to make journals in between.)

Ask me stuff, here, on my AD twitter, or at my tumblr.

https://twitter.com/floofywoof_AD

http://ferinoch.tumblr.com/ask

It's another TMI Tuesday, feel free to ask me stuff here, on my AD twitter or at my Tumblr.

http://ferinoch.tumblr.com/ask

floofywoof_AD

Whelp, it's that time again. Feel free to ask me anything here, on my AD twitter, or at my tumblr, where you can ask anonymously if you wish.

http://ferinoch.tumblr.com/ask

https://twitter.com/floofywoof_AD

Passing this around to drum up interest for an author who does some very sexy works. He's thinking of doing some stories based around a sex tourney. If that sounds interesting at all, check his journal about it. If he gets enough interest he'll probably do it.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4897500

Incidentally, it's #tmituesday shortly as well, so feel free to ask me stuff, here, on my tumblr, or either of my twitters.

https://twitter.com/Ferinoch Normal twatting
https://twitter.com/floofywoof_AD AD twatting
http://ferinoch.tumblr.com/ask Tumblr ask, with anonymous asking enabled.

But do check that journal out, see if it's up your alley.

So by now I'm sure people have seen this:

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11178297/

A great commission from the amazing  Purplepardus on FA.

Thought I'd add some of my thoughts on, well, my fetish for those that care to read.

Obviously this is a huge fetish of mine, though I’ll admit it’s been one that I've been enormously uncomfortable with for a long time.

I guess on the one hand, the thought of giving up control of my head freaking terrifies me. On the other hand, it’s also pretty damn arousing, especially if I get sex out of the deal.

Looking back, I can kind of trace how this all came to be. I was, for a while, a good catholic boy. So I remember when I was younger and I started masturbating how I knew it was wrong, but it felt too good not to do it. So I’d construct these elaborate fantasies where I was forced to masturbate. I guess in some way it helped me get over the cognitive dissonance in my head letting me feel like it wasn't totally my fault that I was doing something bad. I think that’s probably why I enjoy the idea of any kind of helpless sexuality in general, whether it’s hypnosis, or tickling, or cumming hands-free from getting fucked.

The problem of course, is that whole giving up control thing. Scary enough for anybody, but for me it’s especially frightening. I've had to learn iron clad self control of my body and mind to overcome my disabilities and succeed in my life. As attractive as the idea of laying that control aside for a while and wallowing in pleasure is, I’m absolutely terrified that if I did so I wouldn't be able to convince myself to take it back. Or worse, I’d forget how to take it back.

For a long time I actually really looked down on an hated people who obviously set aside their self control, through drugs or drinking. It made me angry to see people so causally lay aside something that I’d fought tooth and nail for, and it made me furious that they thought the stupid shit they did while they did so was funny or endearing. All I could think of were all the time I acted out because I literally could not help it, and nobody laughed or gave me the benefit of the doubt. They picked on me, and screamed at me, and outcast me. It’s honestly still something I deal with daily.

So I guess this is part of dealing with it. First, being willing to talk about it, which still makes my anxiety spike through the god damned roof. (I’m seriously shaking as I write this, and feel like I’m gonna laugh and cry all at once. I hate that feeling) Secondly, admitting that I really do get the whole need to give up control every once in a while, and that I want to too, in my own special way. And lastly, by doing so, at least in pictures and stories.

I dunno if I’ll ever get to live this fantasy out. I know it’s not at all like how it’s portrayed in stories, and to be honest I’m not sure I’d even trust my beloved mate  l0st enough to let him do it, even if he were interested. But at the moment, I think stories and pictures are good enough.

It's that day again, ask me anything here, on twitter, or at my tumblr: http://ferinoch.tumblr.com/ask

So it's that time again, and now I have an afterdark twitter to hit me up on for extra perviness.

Ask me questions here, there, on my main twitter, or on my tumblr's ask if you want to be anonymous.

https://twitter.com/Ferinoch main twitter
https://twitter.com/floofywoof_AD AD Twitter
http://ferinoch.tumblr.com/ask Tumblr Ask

Get to it. :3

Well  l0st and I left for AC last Wednesday, caravaning with  jousterL which was a lot of fun since we picked up some walkies to talk with. The first night we hung with  Sekh765,  reverend_browning,  andreus,  lordborel  enixh  lone.companion,  fausttheclosetfur,  Saidan, and many others from fog chat and our own vent.





Thursday we picked up  frozenfox and  mechanicalchicken and we had basically everyone there. We went to the dance where I actually danced with my rainbow light up tail, and I had an amazing time.





Friday was crazy busy. We went to lunch with everyone at August Henry's, then went to a party that  jousterL invited us to. It was different than I expected, but very fun and I really enjoyed myself and learned a lot.





We went to the dance after seeing Sardyuon perform, and had another amazing time. I really have come to love dancing, and am very glad I made the flashy rainbow tail. It really helped me break through the "i look stupid" barrier I had about dancing. Since I already had a flashing rainbow hanging from my ass, I might as well make it look good.





Saturday I got to the dealer's den for the first time, and I got all the stuff I wanted to plus some extras. I got a commission from  spelunker_sal that I'm really looking forward to, and a lot of nice new prints to hang in our apartment.  l0st had fun in the parade, and I took like 1600 pictures during it.





We went to the masquerade later that night, then took a break from the dances cause our feet were sore by then and got some sleep, but only after playing a lot of werewolf and cards against humanity.





I'll confess I had a bit of jealousy when  l0st ended up going out with a bunch off dragons and  Twilight_Saint, but I got over it and things are good now. Clingy woof can be clingy, but I'm learning not to be, it's just tough sometimes.





Sunday was another fun and slightly slower day, I got another commission from  drgn8d and bought a few more things. The dance competition was very cool and  l0st finished filling the 32 gig stick in the camera while we were there. (He's now sorting through 7000+ pictures, I'll post a journal link when we have them all uploaded)





Sunday night we hung with all our friends before saying goodbye. I wish we stayed later at the Westin lobby since it sounded like a hugely fun time, but we were beat. Of course as we were headed out we got waylaid by some more friends and spent a hugely enjoyable few hours conversing with them before we got to bed.




Monday was all the tough goodbyes and the long but nice trip home.




Overall AC was a hugely fun blast and it was wonderful to see so many good friends and meet so many new people. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and really enjoyed it. I was hugely jealous of the fun  l0st had in suit and I am determined to make sure I have one for next year, though I'm thinking I will do a partial rather than full cause I don't deal with heat well.




The highlights were definitely the games with friends, like resistance and werewolf and the infamous cards against humanity rounds that proved what horrible people we are.  Sekh765 's game he was testing looked very cool too, I can't wait to try it out.




As usual, thanks to the AC staff, the hotel staffs, and the dorsai for putting up with all of us for another year and making AC such a wonderful convention. It feels like home, and a dream all at once.  jousterL summed it up well. AC is the closest we can get to a post singularity transhuman reality, and as far as I'm concerned, bring on the real thing. There's nothing i enjoy more than getting a chance to meet and have fun with so many wonderful people in real life.




I really needed this vacation, and it was better then I ever dreamed. I can't wait to go next year, and hope to start making some more cons regularly through the year, and I really can't wait to have a suit of my own.




If I forgot to mention anyone I do apologize, I'm still recovering my wits from all the fun I had so I don't mean to leave you out.

Well, it's the Tuesday after AC, and so much interesting stuff happened over the last week. I'll try to put up a full AC report tomorrow or something, for now, feel free to ask me anything, either here or anonymously at http://ferinoch.tumblr.com/ask.

Well  l0st and I are safely home from AC. I will post a more lengthy journal recounting the adventure later, but suffice it to say it was incredibly awesome, and I got to see so many of my friends. It's always tough to leave a con, but I have many wonderful memories from it, so it won't be too bad.

just a few short hours then I'm off to AC with  l0st, caravaning with  jousterL See you all there!

Ask me anything!

Ask anonymously here if you want:

http://ferinoch.tumblr.com/ask

So as an addendum, tried a method  l0st suggested for playing by myself with goo, and it was quite fun. That being said... whilst washing off in the shower, ye gods is it hard to hold in the requisite urge to pee while you have hot water cascading on you. Especially if you were all like "fuck it" and left certain toys in certain places cause hey why not extend the fun.

>.<

There. Shared something really TMI. Now ask me stuff. Or whatever.

DOMA IS DEAD!

I need to do a journal between the TMI journals or I'm gonna run out of ways to say again real fast.

Ask away. Starting to enjoy this, so I'll probably answer.

http://ferinoch.tumblr.com/ask You can ask anonymously here.

Well, it's that time again. Ask away.

http://ferinoch.tumblr.com/ask

Posted up a story about myself and my mate  l0st exploring one of my fetishes while enjoying one of his.

Just wanted to say something here about it, not that it matters much. I've always had the hypnosis fetish. Dunno why. Some cartoon I was watching as a kid had a hypno scene in it, and all I knew was shortly after I discovered jerking it thinking about that scene made it feel a whole lot better.

Anyways, I never really felt comfortable talking about it before now, or even acknowledging it. Thankfully talking with  jousterL about all sorts of things helped me realize how silly it was to hide it even from my lovely boyfriend, and that it wasn't something I had to beat myself up over.

Dunno how often I'll write, this was kind of cathartic, but I may do some more, Probably about other kinks I have, or just general sex scenes. Anyways, thanks to  JousterL for being so helpful, even if you didn't know you were being helpful at the time, and thanks as always to my lovely gryphon  l0st for being such a wonderful boyfriend.

Ask me anything, again. No guaranteed answers.

Fuck it. Ask me anything. I might answer, if I can work up to it.

How do you want to be addressed?
Ferinoch or Cyfer works

Where are you staying?
The Courtyard

What day are you getting there?
Wednesday eveningish, maybe earlier

Who will you be rooming with?
My boyfriend  l0st and some friends of ours, Frozenfox and Mechanical Chicken. Might also have Azaran with us.

Who will you hang out with during the convention?
 l0st a lot as usual, even more since it'll be his first time suiting.  jousterL  sekh765 and the TFP crew, Frozen and Mech,  Andreus,  LordBorel,  EnixH,  faust_the_closet_fur,  lone.companion, Azaran, and many more I'm sure :D

Are there any panels you might be attending?
Definitely hoping that Larry Dixon might do an art panel. I always loved his gryphon and other illustrations. Might see if Mercedes Lackey is doing something interesting about her stuff. Might do some beginning suiting panels and art panels too. I want to get a partial next year.

Will you be suiting?
I wish I could, but I don't have one yet. I'll be helping  l0st with his though, since it will be his first time at a con with it.

Do you do free art?
Nope

Do you do trades?
Nope

Do you do badges?
Nope

Do you do commissions?
Nope

What is your gender?
Male

How old are you?
30

How tall are you?
6'4"

Are you taken? Are you looking for a 'mate’?
Yup, very happy with  L0st

Can I talk to you?
Uh, sure.

Can I touch you?
Um, say hi first, and let's see where things go from there.

Can I dance with you?
I dance terribly, and rarely.

How can I find you?
I'll be wandering all over.

Can I visit your room?
Um... not unless I know you.

Can I buy you drinks?
I'm good, thanks.

Can I give you stuff?
Not sure why you would.

Are you nice?
I'm quiet, and people seem to think I'm angered or upset a lot, but I'm not.

How long are you going?
From Wednesday to Monday.

Do you have an artist table?
Nope

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
By saying hi.

Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
Oribably a lot in dealer's den and artist alley when I'm not hanging out with people or helping  l0st with his suiting and taking pictures.

Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
Um, if we have room and we know you sure, kinda weird to just glom into a group if we have no idea who you are.

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
Have fun, chill out, and party with a bunch of good friends.

 Kyma is doing a free sketch page raffle. Check it out here:

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4600903/