someone please explain what i am supposed to do now that i have it. CONFUSED.

so

i fucking hate cats now
i'm sorry but when you come into petsmart to coo over the ADORABLE KITTENS while i am throwing out their ADORABLE POO... i'll have to fucking dropkick you in the fucking stomach.

cats. are. disgusting.

i don't know if it's because they're confined to such a small area for days on end, but goddamn, after an hour and a half wrestling fucking cats into cat carriers and throwing out their shit, i have had my fucking fill.

>:|

www.noob.us/humor/this-guy-has-the-funniest-laugh-ever/

i fucking hate the boob bounce icons with a fucking passion.
i am fucking GLAD they are gone.

i'm not fucking sure what your problem is, but i have managed to walk in and out of your room, my room and down the hallway without TRIPPING OVER THE BRIGHT FUCKING YELLOW ETHERNET CORD.

ARE YOU RETARDED OR SOMETHING?! HOW IS IT THAT I MANAGE TO BE ABLE TO STAY ON MY TWO FEET BUT YOU ARE NOW ON FUCKING CRUTCHES "BECAUSE OF THE CORD"

i
fucking
hate
people.

god FUCKING DAMMIT I AM READY TO SLAUGHTER SOMETHING.

DUDE
KINDLY SHUT THE FUCK UP.

YOU ARE GETTING REALLY PISSED OFF AT A CHILDREN'S SHOW.

in my opinion, it is no worse than dora the explorer or blue's clues. whereas those shows are insipid, pandering and have generally worse production values, MLP is at least entertaining and funny, with pretty good animation reminiscent of 'foster's home for imaginary friends', which i also found to be a very awesome show.

if you don't like it
THERE IS A HANDY BACK BUTTON ON YOUR BROWSER. IT WILL EFFICIENTLY NAVIGATE YOU AWAY FROM THE ANNOYING SHIT YOU HATE.

jesus just shut the fuck up about it! goddamn!

uh
did i mention that i have a job now?

because i have a job now.

friday, i got bit by a snake.
my manager was like 'stick your hand in there.'
and i was like 'must i'
and she was like 'yes.'
so i did.

okay so

when i post things on my facebook that my "friends" (read: extremely conservative family) find offensive, instead of complaining to ME through my comments, they go harass my mother. even though i am 21 years old, they still feel the need to go 'tattle' on me to my mother, and she says that its starting to change the way they interact with her.

this is where i start to feel really shitty for posting my own opinions

my aunt delphos who lives with my mom apparently flipped out last night because i proclaimed myself an atheist.
my mom's friend pam told my mom that she was so angry at all the comments i've been leaving lately that she HID MY PROFILE and now is saying that she will never drive my mom to pick me up from my apartment again.
my aunt christina and uncle kenneth are constantly harassing my mother because of the anti-religious stuff i post.

and when i go home i just fucking know that everyone is going to bitch at me or something.
goddammit

what the fuck do i do? do i post a status that says 'LEAVE MY MOTHER ALONE, OR I'M BLOCKING YOU ALL'? or do i just quietly sort of message them and ask 'hey could you stop harassing my mother?'

fuck this shit.

I like to post anti-religious links or quotes on my Facebook. In part because I am wholly against all organized religion and in part because I fucking love irritating the shit out of my religious family and friends.

I HAVE HAD PEOPLE WHO I HAVE KNOWN MY WHOLE LIFE BLOCK ME FOR JUST POSTING AN OPINION ON FACEBOOK. 8D

shit i love the internet.

Using only 3 words, what would you say to me?

STEP ONE
buy a water baby toy from walmart

STEP TWO
remove water from said water baby

STEP THREE
fill empty water baby with strawberry preserves. MUST BE PRESERVES

STEP FOUR
clothe baby and swaddle it like real infant. go for a walk

STEP FIVE
trip and fall. squash jelly-filled water baby

STEP SIX
profit

my ID has been getting so many faves
too many faves

what i'm trying to say is
stop favoriting that piece of shit for fuck's sake, or i'm taking it down.

DUDE
THIS
IS
FUCKING
AMAZING

, man.

like
for
fucking serious

i'm jizzing
i'm jizzing IN MY PANTS right now.

[EDIT] HOLY SHIT IT WORKS WITH METAL'S ICON TOO HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT I AM FUCKING DYING

holy shit
okay so
my birthday was
amazing

yes there was a surprise party, but it was at a restaurant and no one sang happy birthday to me
thank
god

my best friend made my grandfather sweat by cursing while he was sitting next to her. i lol'd heartily.
boyfriend met the family. most of them were watching a basketball game and they ignored him. he got to see a live chicken, and shit his pants over the old dilapidated buildings lining the streets in my neighborhood. it snowed. in march. only like 3 inches. but still.

the drive back to illinois was fun. as fun as two days' worth of solid driving can be. we listened to my ipod. we got through the entire first harry potter book in two days. we got into stupid arguments about whether or not j.k. rowling had the whole story in mind when she wrote the first book or if she just retroactively picked elements from the first book to throw into the final one.

we got to illinois.
i drank alcohol at every restaurant because motherfucker i was 21 and they carded the shit out of me
it was sweet
got a light-up cup from rainforest cafe.
i played dragon age 2 on boyfriend's beast of a desktop computer.
i orgasmed a little when their mouths actually matched their words.

convince bf to swap laptops with me
regretted carrying the fuckin' thing home; it weighs a motherfucking ton
my head hurts now
its been hurting since i got on the plane
i might be dying.

wheeeee

mom i don't want a surprise party
mom please

moooooom


augh i think my mom is planning a surprise party for my bday.
just
no.

.____.

I don't know what the fuck everyone is bitching about. this game is fucking amazing. i have like four characters now.

i fucking
love
fenris

i want fenris fanart right
the
fuck
now.

RIVALMANCES ARE HOT
especially fenris's

i am so fucked up holy jesus

my birthday
is that day

i will be 21

and i demand some artwork
YOU ALL MUST PROVE YOUR LOVE


go.








P.S. - Anyone who draws me with Alistair from Dragon Age will get my undying love for all eternity.

... OF WHY I NEVER ASK MY PIECE OF SHIT ROOMMATES TO DO ANYTHING.

it is almost midnight by us. the walls of our apartment building are paper thin. the three others that live here are playing resident evil on the wii. they are shouting at the top of their fucking lungs. i have had enough.

'HEY, stop fucking screaming! it's almost midnight!' i say, raising my voice to be heard over their FULL ON FUCKING SHOUTS.

to which cassie, the biggest cunt ever, replied 'CHILL OUT, YOU WERE SHOUTING TOO!'


...
EXCUSE ME?!

I'M FUCKING SORRY, BUT I BARELY EVER FUCKING SPEAK UP! COMPARED TO THE OTHER THREE, I AM A NUN WITH A VOW OF SILENCE. IF I SPEAK, IT IS TO MYSELF OR MY FUCKING. BOYFRIEND.

i said, as calmly as i could, 'i was only shouting to be heard over your shouting!'
and then cassie said 'you were yelling at your boyfriend.'

ALSO FUCKING NO.
JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY SOMETHING DOES. NOT. MAKE. IT. TRUE.

Me and my boyfriend fight. BUT UNLIKE MY ROOMMATES, when i feel really angry at him to the point of yelling, i SWITCH. TO TYPING. SO THE CHANCES THAT I WAS FUCKING YELLING AT ALL IS SLIM TO NONE.


if i had a backbone, i would have made her cry. i would have said 'well at least my boyfriend doesnt DUMP me on a regular basis, honey.'








and this is why asking my roommates to be quiet doesnt. fucking. work.

my roommates
are headphone atheists.

they sit in the living room... and just ASSUME that everyone wants to hear the BULLSHIT they listen to.
and it's all. shitty. japanese songs. or anime theme songs OR FANDUBS OF ANIMES OR PARODIES OF GOOD SONGS THAT MAKE JOKES ABOUT ANIMES.

i swear to god
if i never
ever
see another anime
hear another anime
AM EXPOSED TO ANYTHING ANIME-RELATED
ever again
IT WILL BE TOO SOON.

they also open-mouthed laugh at old-ass internet memes. including, but not limited to: the cake is a lie, i'm going to let you finish but, so i hear you like mudkips, chuck norris jokes, rickrolling, facepalming, anything to do with pokemon AT ALL, y u no, forever alone, LEEROY JENKINS, you no can has, david after dentist, advice dog, ninjas vs. pirates, son i am disappoint and GOOGLE SEARCH BOX SUGGESTIONS.

FOR THE LOVE. OF. GOD. PUT IN HEADPHONES, OR I WILL KILL YOUR FUCKING FAMILY.
I DONT. WANT TO HEAR. YOUR VIDEO GAME SOUND EFFECTS, SHITTY WEABOO BULLSHIT MUSIC, PARODIES OF GOOD SONGS, SONGS FROM FUCKING PLANTS VS ZOMBIES.


if any of you read about how a girl goes batshit insane and kills all her roommates with fucking dismemberment and poison, it's me. and i will GLADLY go to jail if it means i can fucking kill these people.