I've been back in VA for a few months now. I have to honestly say that it's good to be back. I had a big time falling out. She cheated on me. I know that my little boy is mine. She won't let me see him. It hurts me yes. Im upset. I'm not sure how to really act. So really I've been living the single life and doing nothing but working. I've been trying to enjoy myself but it's kinda hard to do it when your alone. I work at Safelite Auto Glass now. Making good money so I cant complain. But after doing it for sooooo long, I'm bored and lonely. Trying not to let depression set back in. Just to keep my mind off of things I've gone running, working out, and just going to the gun range. It's helped a lot. But I just think its time to put myself back out there. So please, if your in the VA area, like in the fredericksburg or Spotsylvania area, hit me up. Let me know if you want to hung.

Getting some fresh ink on my arm. Had some extra money, called up a buddy and got Flames 2.0 done on my forearm. Once I get home and take the tattoo bandage off, pictures to come soon. It's a hell of a lot bigger then I thought it would be. 1/4 sleeve. Flames looks like he came straight out of hell.

So my engagement has been broken off. I have found out that all that girl wanted is a baby. I was fucked over. I was used. Bad. So right now I'm in a really bad spot. I have to move back to VA and move back in with my mom and dad. I'm so damn pissed off its insane. I'm leaving a place where I had grown up in and at least tried to make a family in to just turn back around and leave here again. The girl I thought I loved used me just to have a baby. Now all she wants to do is wish death on me and wishes for me to die in the most fucked up way. This girl has another thing coming if she think she can keep my kid away from me. I have a DAMN good lawyer and he doesn't play around with this kinda thing. I will have my kid with me and that's all to it.

Yep that's right. I'm going to be a daddy of a beautiful baby. I just found out on the 10th of December, I am going to be a father. I'm vary excited and vary scared all at the same time. I'm really not sure how to react to this. But I can say this one thing, I'm going to be a proud new daddy to a beautiful little cub of my own.

Ok so the past month or so I've been talking to someone. Her name is Keana. She is the best thing that had happen to me in a long. After our first date, I showed her my Fursuit Flames. She isn't a fur by the way. She said it was the coolest thing she has ever seen. I was laying in bed with her and she told me tp put it on. So I did. She told me tp lay next tp her and she wanted to cuddle. All she did was sit there reading a book amd petted me. She makes me happy and I know she maybe tje one I've been looking for this whole time. I believe my search is over.

That's right metal heads! Slipkno, Korn, and King 810 is coming to Dallas Texas. The best thing is, its going to be a Halloween show. I just got my tickets today. I'll be right there in the pit like Slipknot should be seen. Im going to take off work, like I've done in the past to see a band I really like. Its a 7 o'clock show, but still taking that Friday off. Its been about two years or so sense the last time I seen them live. Now I'll be here just counting down the days until I see them.

So I've been very lonely for the last month or so. Im very down and out. Im not sure who to turn too. Before I go to sleep at night, I feel I want to cry at night. I may come off as a tough person, but I'm scared of a lot of things. I cry at night because I feel alone, I have panic attacks, and at times I just cant deal with it all because I'm so depressed. Im 22 and still have no one to call my mate. *tears roll down muzzle* I'm vary alone, I have my own house, a king size bed, and the only thing that shares the bed with me is a stuffed animal and a puppy I call Jeffy. Im just really not sure how I can meet a new girl. I have this shyness about me. If there is anyone out there that can help me.........please.......help.

Well today is the day I've been dreading all week. I have to repel off the W Hotel here in Dallas Texas. The building stands 439 feet tall. This is the tallest building I have repelled off of to date. It already said and done with, but before I jumped I can tell you one thing, I've never been so uneasy in my life. I was shiting myself. After I was done with the job, I asked my buddy Troy I have never been so scared in my life. He told me it only gets taller from here on out.

Just as the subject says, I am in need of a Flames plushie. If there is anyone out there that can do it or know of someone that can, please let me know. I have pics of Flames, I have him as a fursuit, now I want him as a plushie.

Maybe two or three ago my brother, myself, and a coworker were at the Dallas county club pulling out some 3/8 glass they had enclosing they're what looked like a bar/sitting area. They wanted it opened up for the summer. 25 panels in total. All were about 90in tall by 34in wide. Each would be about 100lbs+. For me that really isn't a lot. By 100lbs is still 100lbs anyway you look at. It takes two to pull just one and a third to garb the glass as its rolled down to you. But after its done 25 times over, it starts to get harder and harder to do. Takes a big toll on your back. On top of that it had to be taken down steps. The next day I could not make it to work. Every small movement would send a shap stabbing pain in my lower back and would work its way up my back. After that day I always have this small tweak in my back whenever I stand up. I want to the doctor about two days ago and now I find out a nerve is being pinched in my lower back. No way of fixing it will just worse as the years pass. The only way of fixing it, is stop doing what I do for a living. Not sure what to do. I kinda like what I do for a living and it pays the bills. But at what cost to my body.

Alright so get this, now that I've been working in the gkass business for a little bit, my brother and I have moved to a Binswanger Glass in the city of Dallas. One of the guys that run the shop had said something about a job where they have to repeal down a building. He ask me if I how how to repeal. I said no. Well one thing lead to another, and now I'm going to be trained to repeal. From what I got out of it, I thank the Dallas Fire Department will train me. But I'm not sure. I think it maybe fun.

Damn its been a long time since I last posted something on here. Anyways, what have I been up to you ask? Well thats an easy one, WORKING! Making that evil money. But I haven't been working any old fucked up job, been working with big HEAVY ass dangerous glass. I quit my last job working for a place that makes boxes. Drove a forklift for them. Yeah it was fun at the time, but working 2nd shift kinda sucked. Never got to do much of anything or see my family but on the weekend's. So I quit and started working with my brother and dad at Binswager Glass. Me and my brother run a truck, we're installers, and my dad is the boss.....yeah....he is not just my dad, but my boss too. Sucks. Try getting reminded of that every day, in a joking around way. All an all its fun to get to work with my brother after years and years asking to work with them after high school. Dad didnt really want me to do what they do for the simple ression he didnt want me to get hurt or even killed. I can understand that. Im here to tell y'all, glass is a new kind of heavy. Im not joking when I say if loss control of the glass youkill the man your with, kill yourself, or loss an arm or leg. So I think I have a safe job. What do you guys think? Ill be posting some work ive done so far. Tell me what y'all think of it.

http://dodge.dondavisautogroup.com/....._cadillac_dts_

Home from work so why the hell not. So I've been out trying to keep myself moving and out of dumb shit. I went hunting all thanksgiving week. I shot two 6 pointers and a good size 12. The biggest one I have ever shot. Got to try out the new scope I got for my AR15 and had some target pratice with my Glock 40cal. I have to say, I do love my guns. Other the that, that's all I've really been up too. Now, for all the my metal heads out there, tonight at the House Of Blues in Dallas Texas, Dethklock, All That Remains, Machine Head, and Black Dahila Murder will be playing tonight. Me, a die hard All That Remains, will be going with my brother to see it. And of course, I'll be in the pit. I just can't wait until tonight. So, I guess I'll just sit here and wait. Bye for now.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=iCKU.....%3DiCKUBtxKW_k


[Intro:]
The Hole*
Click Click
Mmmmmm Uuuurr no I cant do it (can't do it, can't do it)
Fuck this
Click Click
I gotta, I wanna
MMM

[Verse 1:]
My pain killer's in my dresser
Right next to my rester
What insane brain would agree to this gesture
Too unjest less stress left with no extra
You's a mess, true depressed steps can infect ya
I'm a product of some shit gone wrong
Even though I speak to many with a hit song tone
Even though I'm famous and I'm givin' chicks long dong
Man I feel like a copper top just a sick stone drone
One flew over the cuckoos nest
And he cashed some buku checks
But he was not mentally stable the crew new tech
As a phenomenon but karma wanna noose dude's necks
Designer of death get to choose who's next
Is it real to you but if you got evil your kind to come and steal a few
Condemn souls 'cause of what the old pain killer do
Keep having these dreams of my taking my nine milli
Who can help me execute this desire to pop a pill or two

[Hook]
You cant give me medical attention to ease my pain
Sometimes I feel helpess and need something to relieve my brain
You may love your M.D.
But he has none in store for me
So when the raining bores on me
My dream for fillers, pain killer

[Verse 2]
My pain comes from me being a fuck up
With strange music we really, we lucked up
Cause being a lost soul got my bucks up
Even though my cerebral cortex and spirit needed a touch up
Everybody around me hurtin and shit
Well everybody on tv kickin it reject jerkin and shit
I'll be the one on stage and studios stressed out workin' and spit
This shit to the people and I know that I gotta alot of evil lurkin in quick
Women want me want me
So they flaunt thee monkey
Even doin' sex sometimes, a heap of stress still wants to haunt me
When I grab the yalk she couldn't talk and it was no humpty dumpty
Even though im sick in the head we kick it like a donkey don't we
My apology to anyone labeled a victim
And I'm losin' my mind I just picked up the nine and I gripped 'em
And I put it off in that direction like I was the kiss one
I always think of the day when I'm able to pull back and I click em

[Hook]
You cant give me medical attention to ease my pain
Sometimes I feel helpless and need something to relieve my brain
You may love your M.D.
But he has none in store for me
So when the raining bores on me
My dream for fillers, pain killers

[Verse 3]
No meds for me
Just left for me
Any light inside my head is just to dead to see
Any kind of way out of this hole can I
Pull this darkness outta this soul
Lotta people really wanna know how it's so
Cause a lot of motherfuckers have been down this globe
And I'm one of them
You can see it on the television, everybody trippin' and it's a ton of em
Straight feelin' that pain go insane
Then bang and it ain't no none of em
Many ways to end these days
When the darkness really wanna shun the sun
Ten million ways to die when you constantly cry and the gun is one

[Hook]
You cant give me medical attention to ease my pain
(tired of getting my shit like this man, I'm done with this fucking music man)
Sometimes I feel helpless and need something to relieve my brain
You may love your M.D
But he has none in store for me
So when the raining bores on me
My dream for fillers, pain killers

From: http://www.songlyrics.com/tech-n9ne.....krJxyI1yqLW.99

Im back. Now after some time to get my shit in order has passed, all I really what all yall to know is Im back and that is all that is going to be said. Please do not ask me where Ive been or what happened.

Well....I ended it with my mate...I've been sent back into my own depression and I'm not doing so well. I'm so down and out...I...fell back into doing drugs....*hangs his head low* I'm ashamed of myself...I lost my own way around shit. After trying my ass off to help my ex mate with her depression I was sent back to my own depression...I'm...far from ok right now. I tried not to turn to my drug using days, but it was no good. I've been dealing with this when I was 13 when I first started smoking weed and then at 15 I started doing pills. I was locked up for three years for drugs and fighting and beating down a bully of mine...he didn't have a chance to fight back or even take in a deep breath. Again...I'm ashamed of what I've done...now again I'm gone back to the old me. So right now I'm Logging out of FA for some time, I don't now how long, but I will be back. For now....bye FA. I'm going to deal with my own shit.

Well...for the last five days or so, my Basset Hound Angel wasn't been doing so well. After waiting and hoping she could pull herself out of it, she really didn't have any fight left in her. After work today my dad had me her to the vet and had to have her put to sleep. I hate myself for doing what I had to do. It just hurt me to see her suffer. I stayed in the room with her the whole time. They gave her one shot to relax her. I asked the vet if I could have a bit to say my goodbyes. I talked to her for a little bit over an hour. After i was done talking to her...I told her that it was time for her to go...she then looked up at me and wagged her tail, telling me that it was alright and she was ready to go. After the vet gave her the last shot..she slowly stopped wagging her tail and then....well....she passed way. I'm way passed sad. I just watched as my best friend...my old hunting buddy...die.
Now I just want to be left alone.

So lets get the life update out of the way first.
Ive been feeling a lot better now. My long week or so of depression has gotten a lot better now. I talked to  Greyhare on the phone for, damn I think four hours or so? Yeah that sounds about right...anyways, after that long talk me and him had, Ive been feeling a whole hell of a lot better now. He is a vary smart old man, and I feel I can trust him and talk to him if I ever have any problem that I find hard to "mentally" handle. I started a new job, so thats also helped out a lot too. After week long not doing anythang, but laying around the house and letting the depression just kinda take over, it was nice to just go back to doing a blue collar job, just how I like it. Good o'l labor. Doesn't get any better then that. So other then the fact I got a nice bit of food poisoning, everything has been good.
Now thats out of the way, lets get to the what Ive been thinking about
Well, Ive thinking about getting a new pet. I use to own a ferret and I really really miss him *sad face* Its been about two years since he died and Im thinking about getting a new pet to love and care for. I really don't want something that everyone else has like a dog (I already have four of those), a cat, or a hamster (Im not five any more). I want something that not many would ever think about owning or have. I have two of them in mind. A Sugar Glider, aka Sugar Bear or Honey Glider, and...are you ready....a Prairie Dog! Yes I did say a Prairie Dog. In the state of Texas you are aloud to own a Prairie Dog. We have the biggest population of Black Tailed Prairie Dogs in the US. So you can kinda see why we can have them as pets here and in some other states. But as I research more and more on Prairie Dogs around here, Im finding it hard to find a USDA aproved seller for them. I only found one. I had my brother go out and look at them, but he told me its a no go and he just walked away because they didn't really look "so clean". Thats the cleaned up way then he put it. Anyways, Ive also been looking at Sugar Gliders. If you don't know what a Sugar Glider is, its a marsupial, like a kangaroo. They are the cutest and most loving little things ever. They are vary loyal to their family and will show you love as long as you do the same for them. Now I really don't want to get into detail on them, but if you really want to know more about owning them, you have to go to www.asgv.org. That will tell you everything you want to know. So, I have already find a USDA aproved seller, I have done all my homework on what it takes to own and care for them, Friday me and my brother will be going to get everything we are going to need for them, and hopefully that day we can pick the two Sugar Gliders up. If they don't have any, we are going to pay to order them, and wait about a week or so for them to come in. So.....yeah....Im done now.

Today, just like all week now, I really haven't been my real happy self. I'm rarely at peace in my mind anymore. I...well....how should I put this....kinda use to turn to....getting...high to deal with it...but I stopped all the kiddy bullshit and grow up. To really deal with it anymore is to put my earphones in and just zone out with the music and talk to my mate. I live for my music and I really wouldn't know what I would do if I didn't have it or if I didn't have my mate to help me calm down....mentally. Today wasn't one of the greatest days in the world for me. Woke up and just wanted to lay back down and die, but I said fuck that. I got up, talked to my mate  avalonanders mowed the grass, cleaned out my car, and washed it. I find that just laying around not doing anything won't help me one bit. But I'm just fighting myself to get out the bed and get motivated enough to do something. I go to bed in tears and I woke up in tears. I'm just so tired....I just want to sleep....I want to pain to go away. If it wasn't for my mate, I wouldn't be here today. Only she knows what to do to keep my mind in the right place and keep me here. So I have to think her....I owe her everything.

So my mate  Avalonanders has asked me to post a journal here saying she will not be online due to some problems. That's all I know........vary worried and scared for her....I'll know more once I talk to her on the phone tonight.

So, for those that think role playing is just about sex and cuddling and all the fun fun shit, this was my mate  AvalonAnders and myself RPing on Skype. Enjoy!

*putting his paws on your waist, pulling you tight to him, looking back into those cat like eyes blushes* I love you Avalon. Always and forever I will love you

*places your head over her heart as it beats against your ear* I love you too baby. Always and forever *snuggles and mews cutely, smiling* <3

*moves his paws from your waist to your lower back and rubs and pets softly, laying his head on top of yours, whimpering and nuzzles your kitty cat ears*

*rubs her chin across the top of your head as you whimper, in a reassuring and loving way, rubbing your back affectionately and petting your wings*

*letting you go and taking a step back from you, looks and you with an evil look and opens his wings up. Flames turns his back on you and gets on one knee* get on.

*smiles some and blushes, slowly climbing on your back and wraps her arms loosely around your neck, her legs around your waist* guess I am about to get the ride of my life?

*looks back at you nodding his head slowly, holds your on to you legs as we walk outside. Flames looking up to the night shy. Looking around trying to find the full moon behind the clouds. Flames thats a deep breath and lets out a deep howl at the moon*

*Avalon perks her ears a bit, smiling shyly as she nuzzled the back of your wings and clawed through your back fur gently, affectionately before nuzzling the back of your neck and murring deeply, hiding her face from the full moon*

*Flames taps your leg too get you to look up at the blood red full moon. He looks back at you, worried, scared to take flight with you for the first time. Flames slowly drops his wigs down*

*Avalon looks up at the moon and whines quietly, hissing to herself and then looks back at you, nuzzling affectionately, holding on tightly and kissing you back softly, reassuringly* I will be fine hun. Don't worry. I am an assassin after all and quite balanced

*Avalon looks up at the moon and whines quietly, hissing to herself and then looks back at you, nuzzling affectionately, holding on tightly and kissing you back softly, reassuringly* I will be fine hun. Don't worry. I am an assassin after all and quite balanced

*Flames nods, still with a bit of worry in his eyes as he looks back at you. He opens his wigs back up slowly. He looks back up to the sky, igniting the flame atop his tail and he's horns to brighten our way in the night sky. With his wings fully spread out, he looks back at you* ready baby girl?

I'm ready. *She smiles and presses her chest ontop of your back, relaxing and closing her eyes, swishing her tail a bit,a bit excited and nervous herself.*

*He puts his head down and closing his eyes. Flames starts to flap his wags slowly at fist to stretch out his wings. Faster and faster he flaps. The wind from his wings blowing the grass and leaves around at his feet paws*

*She looked down over your shoulder and wings, noticing that we were slowly hovering a bit off the ground as your wings flapped. She immediately unconsciously gripped a bit tightly at your shoulders, whimpering a bit*

*Flames lifts his quickly, looking up at the sky. With one last hard flap of he's wings, we shoot off into the night sky. With the wind blowing against us and the flames from his horns and tail lighting up the sky, us looking like a shooting star*

*She clings tighter and smiles, her blue hair blowing through the breeze as she  kissed the tip of your ears and murrs* 

Now if you want to read what happens next, click here! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8603418/

Today....today has been one of the best days I've had in a vary long time. My mate  AvalonAnders was'nt feeling too well the other night. Her mind was'nt on the right place...felt like I was losing her to the dark place in her mind. It took so much to just pull her out and bring her back to me, but all that time hearing my baby girl cry out in pain and hurt, I got her out of that dark and scary place in her mind. so with that being said...I told her last night that I was going to pick her up after work and bring her to my house. Spend some time together and just talk. I took her to the park behind my house, we spent about two hours or so just sitting on this big rock under the trees...just talking...telling eachother how we felt...communicating. After we were done talking, we walked back to my house and she got to meet my mother. Thank god that my mom likes her and Avalon likes my mom. We went back too my room and played some Call Of Duty Zombies. Shes not too good at the game, but fuck it, I got to play the game with her and had fun doing it too. After about playing the game for a little bit, she met my farher and my brother. I had the feeling that they would'nt like her...don't know why, but I just had this feeling. Well, my dad loves her and my brother has taken a liking to her, and she has taken a liking to him too. I think its the tattoos but I really don't know. Anyways, its about 10 at night and Avalon is still laying in my bed with me. All this time that we spend together, it really means the world to me. Thank you for coming over baby..thank you so much.
I Love You  AvalonAnders Your always walcome in my house...and laying in my bed next to me.