The passage of time permits this journal to exist. That being said, there is no real purpose. I've just had that other one advertising the Envy story before the one I posted the other day up for too long. I really should update these more often than I do. I mean, there was that time where I posted one every day so people knew I was still around, but even after I stopped that, I should post more often. Maybe one a week at least. I don't know. I'm probably not going to remember that anyway. So, how's your day been? Doing good? Remember that one thing that happened a couple days ago that kinda sucked a bit? Me neither.

Okay. Time to stop being a weirdo for this journal. I've got another Envy story coming along not too long from now. I don't know why I'm so focused on doing these Envy stories as of late. Just feels like the thing to do. Love the guy. Wish he wasn't stuck with someone as lazy as me for an author, but I guess he'll have to live. I guess I'm not that bad. I really need to work on my self-esteem. Not to say I need to be full of myself or anything. I just need to stop putting myself down so harshly and so freely. Not healthy for any human being to be their own mortal enemy like that. So, I'll just say that I'm not quite that bad and let that be that. Good day.


Can't think of an appropriate song for this journal, so have this one. God, the music video for this song is bizarre.



Lyrics pulled from: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/newo.....truefaith.html

I feel so extraordinary
Something's got a hold on me
I get this feeling I'm in motion
A sudden sense of liberty
I don't care 'cause I'm not there
And I don't care if I'm here tomorrow
Again and again I've taken too much
Of the things that cost you too much
I used to think that the day would never come
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...

When I was a very small boy,
Very small boys talked to me
Now that we've grown up together
They're afraid of what they see
That's the price that we all pay
Our valued destiny comes to nothing
I can't tell you where we're going
I guess there was just no way of knowing
I used to think that the day would never come
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...

I feel so extraordinary
Something's got a hold on me
I get this feeling I'm in motion
A sudden sense of liberty
The chances are we've gone too far
You took my time and you took my money
Now I fear you've left me standing
In a world that's so demanding
I used to think that the day would never come
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...

The next part of Envy's story is ready. It's pretty short, but explains a bit about the universe they reside in. I'll post it around midday. Something like that.

Let's put something slightly stupider and sillier than the usual nonsense here. It's like 3 in the morning. I can afford to.

I have another section written out for Envy's story. Just need to type it out now. That might take a bit. Not because it's long, but because I find the process a little dull. I really should type things out to start with, but I can't seem to stop writing it down first. Ah, well. Just wanted to let y'all know, either way.




Lyrics according to the video description.

Space and time could come undone
and with a blast create a co-nun-drum

Then particles of light could seethe
and burn rainbows across the ga-lax-y

The moon could crumble before our eyes
then break apart and va-po-rize

The stars could explode and boil the seas
and rip the fabric of re-al-i-ty

Well I don’t care if all that happens
everything is fine as long as there’s a you and me

Even when the sky is falling
Back to you I'll travel and escape with, no
matter how many times it should be

I'll keep you moving on
like a

Soliton soliton soliton, I'll keep you moving like a
Soliton soliton soliton

Even when the moon shatters the tide
I will always follow you through the pain
You can always count on me through everything

I'll keep you moving on
like a

Soliton soliton soliton, I'll keep you moving like a
Soliton soliton soliton
Lalalalalalalalalalalalala
Lalalalalalalalalalalalala

Solitons keep on moving on, waves of
solitons pulsing out and on,from where they
started from. Yes they sustain their run, as
solitons, by moving on

We don't have to worry anymore
You have torn a path for us to escape through
We can take our time finding our way in this world
and we'll keep us moving on
and we'll break through the dark and find a dawn
yes we'll keep us moving on
yeah keep on moving on
like a

Soliton soliton soliton, we'll keep us moving like a
Soliton soliton soliton
Lalalalalalalalalalalalala
Lalalalalalalalalalalalala
Soliton soliton soliton, I'll keep you moving

Are you still evil by nature if you have a grim outlook on the world and your peers while abiding a strict moral code? Does having a moral code just cover up your evil intentions? I haven't time to think it over. Curious none-the-less, I guess.




Lyrics from their bandcamp: https://woodenhatrecords.bandcamp.c.....m/time-for-tea

Baby, I want you to know
You are all I wanna see
Baby, you'll never feel low
If you tag along with me

Oh wwww when... you're near me
I see the world more clearly
Hold me and I'll hold you too
I want to spend my time with you.

Baby, I want you to know
You are all I wanna see
Baby, you'll never feel low
If you tag along with me

Oh wwww when... you're with me
I want to tell you kiss me.
So kiss me and I'll kiss you too
I want to spend my time with you.

Tonight feels like a good night to ask such a question. Not sure why. Either way, the topic at hand.

With so many interpretations of when one actually dies, not accounting for a physical cessation of life, I find it hard to imagine when that point in time actually is. Maybe it's a case-by-case sort of thing based on what you value most in life. Maybe it's any and all of them. Loss of love and the inability to love. Erasure of self and a particular lack of dreaming. Falling into the darkest depths that despair has to offer. Fracturing of reality and reason along with the fading spark of imagination. I dunno. Not even sure why I want to bring up a more or less depressing subject. Just feel like pretending that I'm thinking of something, maybe. An excuse? No matter the case, this is the question that comes to mind. Not much else to that, so have a good one. Day, night. Whichever celestial phenomenon you are currently experiencing, and, likewise, what you will experience.



Lyrics brought by their bandcamp: https://woodenhatrecords.bandcamp.c.....m/time-for-tea

Let's face it
Let's face it
Let's face it
Let's face it
Let's come to terms
And embrace it
Concur admit concede and face it

I'm cute
Cute, cute, cute
I'm cute
Cute, cute, cute

Let's embrace it
And come to terms
There you have it
I'm cute

Gotta write one up every once in a while, at least. Not sure what to put in here. Kinda empty-headed right now. Nothing clever to say or anything. Nothing special to mention, as far as I can tell. I feel like there was something I was reserving for a journal a while ago, but I can't quite seem to bring the memories forth. Such is the stunted memory of the empty-minded. This journal has said literally nothing other than that I wanted to write something for a journal, but wound up forgetting what it was. I could have done that in one sentence, and I did in the previous sentence. Weird how that works. Summaries can be beautiful things. Rambling, not always as beautiful. Situational though, I suppose. Hope you're having a nice day. Night included. Especially the night, even. Fuck the sun. Fuck that life-giving, energy-instilling motherfucker. It'll fuck us some day. That's further than any of us, as mortal individuals, will need to be concerned with though. Well, I suppose for the prolonged existence of humanity as a whole, it might be wise to do extended research on getting us the fuck off of this dying rock. Just in case we, as a species, live to see the sun devour the earth, you know? Best not get caught up in that noise. There's better noise to get consumed by. The compression kind. Fuck the transverse kind. Who needs transverse waves. For sight? For warmth? I scoff at the thought. Seriously though, I don't have a clue what I'm talking about. This journal should have been a sentence long. That's about it.



Lyrics pulled from their bandcamp: https://woodenhatrecords.bandcamp.c.....m/time-for-tea

Will you have some tea with me?

Ladies and gentleman… Its time for a party!
I say, what a spectacular looking crowd we have here tonight
Ladies come on over here, lets have a lovely beer… lets hit the dance floor!

Time for tea, time for tea, bread and jam and company
Play the music nice and loud, love to see a dancing crowd

Time for tea, time for tea, bread and jam and company
Play the music nice and loud, love to see a dancing crowd

Good god man, look at the size of his…
Mr dj…play the record…Gimme that tea gimme that tea
Funky record man……...one for you one for me
Gimme that tea, gimme that tea, come with me…drinky tea

Time for tea, time for tea, bread and jam and company.
Play the music nice and loud, love to see a dancing crowd
No madam don't do it like that

Time for tea…..(will you have some tea with me)
You and me……(won't you keep me company)
Move your feet …..(will you have some tea with me)
It's time for tea…..

Time for tea, time for tea, bread and jam and company
Shake your leg shake your leg
Play the music nice and loud, love to see a dancing crowd
Shake your derriere

Time for tea, time for tea, bread and jam and company
No madam don't do it that way
Play the music nice and loud, love to see a dancing crowd
Shake your derriere

Will you have some tea with me
Won't you keep me company
Time for tea, move your feet
Come with me, drinky tea…
It's time for tea!

Finally got around to playing the Old Hunter's DLC for Bloodborne. I don't have much to say about that experience, really. I've never been more stressed out about a game in general, so ready to accept my inevitable death at the next moment. It just kept getting harder and harder, which felt impossible after Ludwig. Well, the Living Failures were easy, but they were more like a mini-boss situation. Like the Celestial Emissary, leading up to an actual boss. Goodness, did they deliver with the follow-up. Nevertheless, I pulled through. I'm just glad I decided to start over to try out arcane instead of giving it a shot on my strength NG+ character. That would have been fucking impossible. Anyway, that was a journey. The Kos Parasite is now in my possession, and the nightmare has ended. I did kill a baby though, so there's that... Regardless, my wise old hunter can now live out the rest of his days as a space broccoli, as I've seen people have taken to calling it. Sounds like a good life, right?

Rest easy, sweet child of Kos, or some say Kosm.

Story is posted. While I was at it, I also figured out how to make folders... So, yeah. Now there are a whole lot of folders containing most of my submissions. They aren't perfectly organized, but hey. What's a guy to do?


As promised. This was the very first piece I'd heard from Steam Powered Giraffe. I never listened to anything else of theirs until I heard The Muse of Discord cover one of their songs, Hatch Fever. That's when I began to slowly, but surely, pick up the band. Weird how the world works.



Lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/riha...../diamonds.html

Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond

Find light in the beautiful sea
I choose to be happy
You and I, you and I
We’re like diamonds in the sky

You’re a shooting star I see
A vision of ecstasy
When you hold me, I’m alive
We’re like diamonds in the sky

I knew that we’d become one right away
Oh, right away
At first sight I felt the energy of sun rays
I saw the life inside your eyes

So shine bright tonight, you and I
We’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky
Eye to eye, so alive
We’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
We’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
We’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Palms rise to the universe
As we moonshine and molly
Feel the warmth, we’ll never die
We’re like diamonds in the sky

You’re a shooting star I see
A vision of ecstasy
When you hold me, I’m alive
We’re like diamonds in the sky

At first sight I felt the energy of sun rays
I saw the life inside your eyes

So shine bright tonight, you and I
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky
Eye to eye, so alive
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
We’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond

So shine bright tonight, you and I
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky
Eye to eye, so alive
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
Oh, yeah
Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond

I finally fucking did something. Surprise! It is for me, anyway.

Either way, it's been a while. I decided I would wait until I actually typed something down this time to say anything. What I usually do is write something on paper and then never get around to typing it. I have like 75-95% more of my main story written down, the one that focuses on Tyler, the weirdo dog thing, than I ever wound up typing up. I actually wrote all of that out before I ever typed any of it out. I wrote it out again, refined somewhat, and then only typed up some of it, because I'm weird and lazy. I really should just type first, but there's something nice about writing stuff down when your bored. Something that feels less like actually writing something down for other people to probably enjoy. That's the plan, anyway. I dunno. Back to the actual topic at hand, I wrote a story, though it is not exactly any longer or of higher quality than any of my other stories. It only took so long because I only worked on it in short bursts. Wrote it all up nearly at once, though there was about a half-a-month period where I didn't touch it, but only typed it out in little segments. I dunno why. I'm just lazy. I mean, it didn't even take that long in total. I'm just terrible. I also can't make up my mind how I want to do organize conversations and paragraphs. Actually putting that stuff in a somewhat readable, convenient fashion is a plague on my being. I'm probably just going to do it how I arranged it in this story from here on. Paragraphs arranged somewhat by topic, somewhat by length. Conversations do not create a whole new paragraph, but sort of make up a false paragraph within the paragraph, requiring a new line and paragraph spacing to differentiate. Doesn't always work out well, but I feel like it works out well for me without being overly tedious. I also stopped alternating spacing between paragraphs. I used to space one paragraph out and then not space the next in alternation, but that's more trouble than it's worth. It was something I did to help differentiate if you lose your place or something, but it just makes everything look inconsistent to me. I dunno.

I didn't actually say what the story was in the journal. I mean, it's in the title, but still. I decided to revisit Envy, my monster man and puppeteer-to-be. I feel like elaborating on his story somewhat. Dunno why, I just want to. We all sorted out? Good. I'll put the thing up tomorrow, but I can't be bothered to figure out where I keep the thumbnails for this stuff. I might just make a new one. I dunno. Y'all have a good night.


I wanted to put up a weird video that was the first of a set of weird videos I saw from that one robot band I like, but I thought of this first. So, yeah. I'll do that one next, because I remember thinking 'This is fucking weird' in almost that exact wording. Weird how you grow more fond of something if you find out you actually like the people that the thing you thought was weird before made. Bias is a fickle bitch, I'll tell ya.


Lyrics from: www.metrolyrics.com/too-tired-to-wi.....-wink-lyrics-ludo.html
Because the lyrics in the video are flat out wrong.

I gotta lotta people telling me I smell like the dead
Apparently they cannot see that
I'm already walkin' 'round without a head.
I've got a problem with the object of the ongoing game
Set the self upon the shelf
And drag your shell through the day.

(Chorus)
But look at all the stars
We've come so far
Even if we don't know where we are.
It's gotta be somewhere great,
Or am I just too tired to wink?

I seen a thousand towns without and ounce of hot irony
It leaves me begging for aesthetics
Please offend someone sweet in front of me
I'm sloughin' brains (I'm sloughin' brains)
I'm sloughin' brain cells every day
Smearing the globe, my lobe frontally frayed.

(Chorus)
But look at all the stars
We've come so far
Even if we don't know where we are.
It's gotta be somewhere great
Man, I don't even know what you're sayin'
But I can't wait
For more of this to come my way
'Cause you take what you get
And you try not to think
Or am I just too tired to wink?

I stored a cyclops for a week with hard-tack in the clink
If ever he would bat a lid I thought it was a wink
But the world is flush with monocular mush and dingbats to despise
You find they're not thinking, just narrowly blinking,
But never quite cleaning their eyes.

(Repeat Chorus)

We've come so far
Even if we don't know where we are.
It's gotta be somewhere great
Or am I just too tired,
Or am I just too tired to wink?

Well, exams are over. So, that's a thing. Let's talk about a game I've been wasting my time with lately. Contrary to what a certain someone thinks I've been wasting time with as of late, I've been playing SteamWorld Heist. It seemed like an interesting game, and it features music from Steam Powered Giraffe, so I was pretty on board. As on board as a weirdo on land can be, at any rate. Guess I could say a thing or two about the game. Not much that's particularly helpful, but it's whatever. What do you really expect from me?

First of all, the game is pretty short. It's a good time waster to play between intervals of whatever else, but due to this fact, I don't know if it's worth the 17 dollars and tax you pay for it. Not to say it's bad, but it's somewhat short. You could play it on the hardest difficulty to force yourself to spend more time on it, but I would not recommend the elite setting to start with. Stuff is intense, and down-right unfair, really. Veteran, as the second hardest difficulty, should be the default for an equally challenging and fun game. That's how I played it anyway, and I wound up getting max stars possible within 23 hours. So, if I can do that in less than a day, Veteran is probably your best bet for balance. Go elite if you're feelin' it, but fuck. Ain't easy. Either way, I suppose I should mention what sort of game it is. The game I have to compare it most to is the Worms franchise. Missions involve a turn for either side, where you can move then shoot before ending your turn. It's not just as simple as that, but that's the easiest way to explain the gameplay. Of course, there is cover, trick-shot capability, and various other variables that make it a different game entirely.

Anyway, the game, price disregarded, is really fun for the time you do get to play it. For pistols, you've got the standard handgun and two varieties of sharpshooters. Handguns are mid-tier power with no aiming sight and mid-range potential, but anyone can use them. Sharpshooters are a special type of weapon used by three characters total. One sharpshooter weapon allows movement and long range aiming (High distance ricochet and laser sight), but typically features minimal power with mid-tier critical boost and no bonuses to critical chance. The other variety can only be shot if you have not moved for that turn. It features high tier damage with generally high tier criticals and a 50% boost to critical chance. Next, you have the assault class, used by three characters total. There are assault rifle types and shotguns. Both feature close range capabilities (Meaning that there is a generally large spread and a low threshold of ricochet potential) and high damage. Assault rifles can score criticals, though are not generally reliable at it, while shotguns have a slightly higher base damage and lack critical chance altogether. Both are good at killing enemies and hitting enemies behind with excess. There are also heavy type weapons, taking the form of grenade launchers, rocket launchers, and a minigun later in the game. The grenade launcher and rocket launcher both can be shot after moving, but deal splash damage which can damage the user and allies. The grenade launcher has a slight laser that will show you where the grenade will fire. Trajectory and bounce are up to you, so take care. Rocket launchers have no aiming sight, but fire straight and explode on impact, making them typically safer for hitting what you want to hit without much remorse, along with dealing a more steady damage than grenade launchers. The minigun can be found towards the end of the game. You can't move before shooting it (Much like the critical sharpshooter), so it's like a heavy duty assault rifle. The last sort of damage you can deal, disregarding side-weapons (Sidearms, grenades, and missiles), is melee damage, which is very useless until much later on. At that point, it becomes one of your strongest points for damage and stun-locking heavier opponents.

Beyond weapon variety, there are character classes. Each character has their own unique abilities, even if they share the same character class. Classes generally tell you what someone is best at though. First up, you have Captain Piper. As the only Captain class, she excels in promoting damage when around allies, and can even heal herself and others once per mission. She is a very obvious choice for any mission that involves team members, being a sharpshooter wielding character as well as promoting damage around others. Next, you have Vanguards. Vanguards deal extra damage after being attacked, and are generally bulky characters. After that, there is the Bounty Hunter class. Only one character is a Bounty Hunter throughout the game, and she is essential for taking out groups of enemies. As the only Bounty Hunter, she excels in high damage output. She has the innate ability to fire again after killing an enemy. She can further boost herself a limited number of times by allowing, for one turn, herself to deal infinite kill shots, provided you kill an enemy every time you fire, and even boost the power of herself and allies in a large area around her. She is one of the squishiest characters though, which is risky when she is in the midst of the fight, also making it harder to take advantage of her increased damage potential when below 50% health. Later classes include Sentries who excel at dealing massive damage while stationary, the Flankers who excel at movement and dealing extra damage behind opponents, and the single Brawler character who deals massive melee damage that heals him for one point of damage, can melee twice with a cool-down ability, and can move after destroying an enemy.

All in all, it's a pretty fun game. Worth 17 dollars, I dunno. I had fun though. Hope I didn't spoil too much. I definitely didn't spoil any story, and I didn't tell you who's the best either. That's for you to figure out. Have some music from the game. Also, in case you're wondering, songs are generally performed at bars and after a boss fight, just in case you were expecting them to play non-stop.



Lyrics from: http://steampoweredgiraffe.com/preparelyrics.html

Prepare (prepare!), for boarding. This Heist (haaa!) will be rewarding.

You can't stop us. Take us down or to-o-op us.

Ready... (Aim!) Now! (Fire!) Water is our desire.

Steam (bots!), unite! A call to arms, we fight. (Haaar!)

Plunder through the stars, Auhm

Steamworld's torn apart, Auhm

Plunder through the stars, Auhm

Steamworld's torn apart, Auhm

I have literally nothing else to do right now... So let's do something stupid. Sound good? Thought so. Gonna write down some stuff that I'm waiting for.

1.) The next episode of One Punch Man. Gonna be good.
2.) The next episode of One Piece, because I'm a dork. Outdated words are the best.
2.) Season 3 of Rick & Morty. See a pattern here?
3.) The day I can watch the entire season of The Walking Dead that I missed, because I made a stupid decision. Apparently, I have terrible taste.
4.) Dark Souls 3, because I hate myself apparently. I hope it has even better environments than Dark Souls the 1st. Part 2 lacked in environment, compared to that of the 1st at least.
5.) I forgot to mention, I'm also still waiting to see Homestuck through. They're on pause right now, but it's all coming to a close soon. There's also Hiveswap, which should be interesting.

Funny how nothing I'm waiting for is helpful, productive, or even relative to real life activities. I really should have picked healthier habits and hobbies. I'm gonna hit mid-life crisis so fucking hard with all these wasted years and years of looming death ahead. That's life though, I guess.



Lyrics found in the YouTube description.

Hope I can make it
Stop it and break it
The doors are all locked down
I'm flying on my feet
gotta reach that corridor

Sirens are blaring
Screams from the staring
as they watch him cry

He's holding on as he's ripped from the room
engulfed in flames, but they'll be out soon

Oh it's such a shame, of all the things to go wrong while out in space

Fire, fire burns much brighter when oxygen is the supplier
Fire, fire is killing his desire to not be cold as he expire

Oh, burning in space
Oh, burning in space

I wake with a cold sweat
how could I forget
I've seen this all before

The red lights are spinning now
'round and 'round as I hit ground

Warnings of pure dread
heard on the overhead
in a monotonic tone

There are men and women trapped in that room
flames scorching them, but they'll be out soon

Oh it's such a shame, of all the things to go wrong while out in space

Fire, fire burns much brighter when oxygen is the supplier
Fire, fire is killing their desire to not be cold as they expire

Oh, burning in space
Oh, burning in space

Fire, fire burns much brighter when oxygen is the supplier
Fire, fire has killed their desire to not be cold as they expire

Fire, fire burns much brighter when oxygen is the supplier
Fire, fire has killed their desire to not be cold as they expire

Come on, guys. What about this new scheme is more intuitive than the previous already intuitive scheme? The fuck are you doing up there? No further necessary comment.




Lyrics from YouTube video description

Away we go
To explore the great unknown
Let's go without a care
Adventure awaits us there

So blast off
Let's make what's theirs our own
The universe is ours to roam
And together we're not alone across the

Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars
Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars
Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars
Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars

The Captain needs a hearty crew
Not just any robot will do
A new frontier
Is drawing near

We'll smash and shoot we'll take their loot
When they see us coming they'll shake in their boots
We'll stare them down and when they flinch
We'll sending them packing across every inch of the

Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars
Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars
Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars
Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars

There's a fire burning in our souls
If we put it out then we'll all run cold
So cut yourself down from that noose that's swinging
And reattach your arm so we can get gun-slinging

Let's start this heist and overload
Let's charge ourselves up ‘till we explode
We need to not give up and wear our best smiles even during combat so the enemy sees a smile and is put off. They think we’re rough and tumble but we’re compassionate and they’ll want to bring their cameras out for photos together because they’re smiling now. We’re all happy and that’s how it should go...generally speaking.
OH YEAH!

Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars
Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars
Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars
Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars

Away we go
To explore the great unknown
Let's go without a care
Adventure awaits us there

So blast off
Let's make what's theirs our own
The universe is ours to roam
And together we're not alone across the

Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars
Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars
Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars
Sta-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahars

Quite some time since I put out a journal. Even longer since I've done anything constructive, as far as here goes at any rate. It's been almost exactly as long as when I finished Undertale. Was a good game. Game about choices. Moral dilemmas and what have you. Not everybody's cup of tea. Have since recovered from emotion syndrome. Irrelevant. The point of this journal should be to talk about more recent events. Not there have been any, personally anyhow. Guess I just felt like getting another journal up for the hell of it. Since I've nothing else to talk about, I'm gonna talk about my phases throughout my time here. Let's see...

When I first came here, I was pretty much human garbage. Little bit creepy, unsure of how I should act. Hyperactive. I think after that, I entered a more depressing phase. Disrespectful as well. Very disrespectful with absolutely no reason to be. I think I eased up a bit as it went on. I'm not sure. Mostly because I don't remember very much in between that phase and the next one. The one where I tried to be a little too friendly. Exhaustively so, I think. Or maybe that was when I thought I didn't care much for anything. Hard to recall. Either way, I thought I was pretty chill at the time, so I guess it wasn't all bad. Been a weird ride. I think I've mellowed out a bit now. Shame that I haven't been doing anything here, really. Not that I'm not interested or around anymore. Just doing things how they feel they need to be done. And by that, I mean I've done nothing. That much hasn't changed from day one. The doing of nothing when you should probably be doing things. I really should do something. Either way, hello. Greetings. Salutations. How the fuck are all of you?


The strongest man with a heart of gold. Nobody knows who he is...

Copyrighted. Wonderful. You can just go watch the version on the lyrics page, if you care to. Prepare for Japanese weirdos acting adorably. I always find it funny, anyway. I can find it funny and still respect it, can't I?

I recommend watching the version on the lyrics page.
Lyrics from: www.lyrical-nonsense.com/lyrics/jam.....-tsukero/#page=English

ONE PUNCH!
(Three! Two! One! Kill shot!)
Appearing! Certain victory! The Strongest of all time!!
What're you saying? Frustration, nobody can stop me

ONE PUNCH! It's over! One victory after another!
I shout!! I'm always victorious!! Total victory!!

Power! Get power! Right up to the limit

HERO, I don't want voices prasing me or an ovation
HERO, so I fight against evil in secret
(Nobody knows who he is.)
Foes are closing in and covering the sky. I won't turn my back on them
If I am a HERO, then I'm prepared with unwavering resolve, unleashing my fist

(Three! Two! One! Fight back!)
Appearing! Go on! Fair and square!!
What's going on? I can't feel a thing, my opponents are all gone!

JUSTICE! Enforcement! No point arguing about it!
I'll cut it off! Cut off evil!! Hands together in prayer!!

Power! Get power! Adrenaline's overflowin'!
Power! Get power! Strike with force with my disciplined technique!

HERO, Even the strongest guys used to be tiny brats
HERO, I overcome my weaknesses and become stronger
(Nobody knows who he is.)
I just raise my fists, with the gods dwelling in them, and push onward
HERO, until I taste the dirt of defeat some day, a fighting HERO

I won't give up; I picture the future in my heart
I awaken and go to the world now, soaring high and strong
At all times, no matter what happens

HERO, I don't want voices praising me or an ovation
HERO, so I fight against evil in secret
(Nobody knows who he is.)
I just raise my fists, with the gods dwelling in them, and push onward
HERO, until I taste the dirt of defeat some day, a fighting HERO
A lonely HERO

(I had to type all of that because I couldn't copy/paste. Fucking hell, that took too long. Absolutely unreasonable. But damn, I love both ridiculous and serious Japanese anime intros enough to do it regardless, because fuck. Not that this is, in all essence, the anime intro, but it's the song. Probably created for the anime. What anime? This anime. CLICK)

Former title of "That thing everybody is doing fan-art of" has been swapped out for an acronym because I felt it was a little rude to present it like that. I love the fan-art I see around.

What a wonderful story it was, Undertale. It was just a pure joy to experience. I'm gonna miss them. I'd go back and do it all over again like I was planning to from the beginning, but given certain exchanges, that'd make me feel guilty. Also, it'd mean that I'd have to kill everyone. I can't do that after doing a pacifist run. That'd just be fucked. Well, dunno what of anything there is to say. My favorite was Undyne, in case you were wondering. Gonna miss her cooking lessons. The intensity. You fucking fish-girl, boulder-suplexing, anime-loving, knight-pirate-looking thing that you are. That's about it. Have a good day. Maybe play this game some day. It'll make you a better person. Or at least feel like a better person. Unless you kill everyone. Maybe it still will. I don't know. I didn't kill anyone. I'd heard that everybody was pretty cool, and I already have an unreasonable love for monsters... So, of course, I couldn't kill any of them. Now, really. Have a good day.

For a title, that is... Either way, I've been thinking a lot lately. One thing I've noticed is just how fucked my decision making process is. It's paradoxical, I guess. My actions and my thoughts don't quite mix, is all I mean to say. I have darker thoughts, I am lead to believe. I mean, I can't read all of your minds or anything, but I don't get the feeling that my thoughts are quite average. I dunno. I feel sort of mean, or at least a little cold. I don't act that way though, not usually. I've noticed especially when I play video games and such. I generally prefer darker themed games, but I never make evil characters unless that's what you're supposed to do, and I try not to fuck everybody over. I mean, not that I don't ever straight up kill some people, but I feel like a lot of them probably deserve it... I killed everybody in Dishonored. I mean, you had a cool fucking fold out sword kinda thing. Didn't help that I'm terrible at stealth games. That sword was fucking cool. They should have tried harder not to see me. Those guys were dicks. Except for Daud. That was a cool guy. Shame I killed him. Having no context will do that to you. Fuck. I should probably just end this journal. Have a good day.



What will we do with a drunken whaler? [ 3 times ]
Early in the morning.

Way hay, and up she rises [ 3 times ]
Early in the morning.

Stuff him in a sack and throw him over [ 3 times ]
Early in the morning.

Feed him to the hungry rats for dinner [ 3 times ]
Early in the morning.

Way hay, and up she rises [ 3 times ]
early in the morning.

Shoot to the heart with loaded pistol [ 3 times ]
Early in the morning.

Slice his throat with a rusty cleaver [ 3 times ]
Early in the morning.

Way hay, and up she rises [ 3 times ]
Early in the morning.

Should have paid more attention to your job, fucker. So hard to find good, sober whalers.

It hadn't fully occurred to me that maybe some of you were worried about me in relation to fairly recent events. I mean, I said I was alright, but I'm not sure how many of you believe things like that when they're said so soon. As I said before, I grieve quickly. Things might never be the same, and of course, I will always have nightmares of him gnawing at my neck, but I am alright. No worries. Only regret, but that's a given.

Now have a ridiculous thing, because I fucking told you to take it.



I'm not doing the lyrics this time. It would ruin the possible surprise. Plus, I don't really feel like looking for them. I'll leave an alt though. The original soundcloud post: https://soundcloud.com/rob-cantor/shia-labeouf

What makes a person a person? Is a person the sum of their actions or intentions? Does the mere question of your existence, the thought process itself, make you real? Maybe you're only a shell running on the fumes of ambition, attempting to fulfill your dreams. What is your life but a compilation of memories and future possibilities? I can't say that I know what makes a person real. I can't say I've made this journal to question reality either. I'm not a philosopher. Plus, it's just a little bit irrelevant when you feel a particular lack of purpose.

I've just been doing a lot of thinking lately is all. Well, maybe thinking is less accurate of a depiction of what I mean. I guess I've been daydreaming a lot. More and more often, I find myself drifting off into some other scenario. A potential scenario, a past scenario, or however it comes. I've been imagining other iterations of myself, fleshing out their worlds through their eyes. I don't really mean to do it, but I end up creating various realities in my head, and it's getting a bit cumbersome to be honest. It makes me wonder though, if it isn't impossible for those iterations to be reality in some other plane of existence. Not that the idea of multiple realities is particularly original or anything, but it makes me think. I don't know if I want to think on it too much though. I might start sympathizing with them. Either way, I'm gonna stop writing. I was supposed to tie all this together somehow through the power of creative writing, but I don't really feel like it. So, I guess I'm out. Peace. Love. I dunno. Have a good whatever time of the day and rest of your time. Most of it anyway. Realistically, your gonna have some suckish days in the days to come, but what can a guy or gal do but dream, hope, and move on?


Sorry for making you read that. I don't seem to have accurately depicted my predicament or made much of a point. You read it though. Maybe you've got nothing better to do right now. Have a song. Maybe it'll help tic away at that hourglass. Robots. Let's do it.



Nuts and bolts and Iron coats, it is what I dream.
Steel and rust, its all a must. Eyes like laser beams.
Cause the earth is flooding and doom is budding fast.
If the world is dying, then I am trying, to get there last.
Circuits sprockets gears and steam, they think Im insane.
When the library burned to the ground, I replaced my brain
with a kindle cause I like the hunger games.
And replaced my skin with glass and tin for when the worlds in flames.

Nuts and bolts and Iron coats, this is what I see.
Cut the life I used to live, make a better me.

Scoop the eyeballs out my skull, finally I see.
Plastic is the way to go, no more atrophy.
When your all dying, I'll be flying past.
On the rocket boots I made to escape the nuclear blast.

Nuts and bolts and Iron coats, this is what I see.
Cut the life I used to live, make a better me.

Finally I'm perfect, and I see.
That the people I share this world with are worse than me.
Nuclear launch codes ignite, countdown three two one.
We'll see how the ugly ones like 50 megatons.

I haven't made any journals in a while. That's a thing. A thing a certain somebody keeps reminding me. So, now, this is a thing. I guess I've kinda just been letting myself drift along the site. I dunno. I guess that's only partially why I haven't made any journals though. Mostly, I just don't have anything to say. I haven't for a long time. I don't know what else there is to say but that, really. So, goodnight. Unless it's morning. Than have a good day, you probably very handsome critter of some assortment. And even if you aren't exactly every man or woman's dream, I'm sure you've got a lot more important characteristics. So, whoever you are, just have a fucking good one. Even the murderers, rapists, and otherwise ne'er-do-wells. Everybody needs a friend, even if you should die. Have a good one. Unspecified holiday may be coming up. Have a good that thing too. Night. Morning. See ya soon.



I haven't done a video paired with lyrics in a long while. Remember when I did those? Me neither. Lyrics are from here, case it wasn't clear: www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/reginaspekt.....aspektor/bluelips.html

He stumbled into faith and thought,
"God, this is all there is."
The pictures in his mind arose
And began to breathe
And all the gods and all the worlds
Began colliding on a backdrop of blue

Blue lips, blue veins

He took a step but then felt tired
He said, "I'll rest a little while"
But when he tried to walk again
He wasn't a child
And all the people hurried fast, real fast
And no one ever smiled

Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away
Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away

He stumbled into faith and thought,
"God, this is all there is."
The pictures in his mind arose
And began to breathe

And no one saw and no one heard
They just followed the lead
The pictures in his mind awoke
And began to breed

They started off beneath the knowledge tree
And they chopped it down to make a picket fence
And marching along the railroad tracks
They smiled real wide for the camera lenses
As they made it past the enemy lines
Just to become enslaved in the assembly lines

Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away
Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away

Blue, the most human color [3x]
Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away

So, I suppose I should talk about a thing. Change is a thing. Let's talk about that thing. Fuck smooth transitions. So, change. People change a lot. Hopefully for the better, but I suppose that's a subjective term which I'm not going to get into. Personal growth. That sort of junk. However gradually, our perceptions shift. Now, before I give off some phantom belief of seeming deep by spewing out nonsense that most everybody already has at least some understanding of, I'm going to break off on a tangent... Only it's not really a tangent. I was originally trying to get to this point, but I kind of forgot myself what the heck I was talking about. So, yeah. Thank you conveniently named title. Next paragraph.

Core ideals. We change, that's for sure, but what about a person never changes? What sorts of beliefs can a man or woman hold so dear that neither time nor reason can alter it. Family's always a strong central point, though not everybody has been gifted with a wonderful family as I have been. Either way, what about a person is really set in stone? I don't know why I'm putting all this up like a question that you can answer, especially since it's more of a circumstantial point in the first place, but whatever. You can tell me what you think if you want. That is completely within your power. Now we can break off into an actual tangent.

As a side note, when does a person cease to change? Is there just some point in life where a guy just grows tired of growing as an individual? I can see a person growing tired, I suppose. I dunno. I'm gonna stop talking. After I say goodnight. So, I bid you goodnight. Sleep well. Dream of whatever spirits might ease your soul, or of any demons that may please you.


Let's set up some videos. The "us" referred to being me. Just me playing a game with myself. Hope all the videos don't crash your browser, whatever you're using.

It has come to my attention that a certain artist on FA is having financial difficulties. I generally don't spread around such needs, as they are everywhere, but I believe an exception can be made here. He makes monsters of the monstrous and adorable variety with his art, so I may as well spread the word. I need my nightmare fuel, and Cyriak can't put out his genius every week or so, so fuck. I'd hate to lose a common source. I'd donate to him, but I have fairly strict policies when it comes to giving out money. Sooo... Yeah. I tried. Somewhat. Not much. Fuck.

Artist in question:  VonderDevil
Go here: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6862022/



Infinite expansion

You know, I've never played a Metal Gear Solid game. I've heard that a lot of them are pretty good from various people. So, I watched Cryaotic play Snake Eater, and it seemed pretty cool. It seems like a good time, in general. Somehow serious while remaining consecutively ridiculous all the way through. Like... Cardboard boxes and a medic talking about movies. Also, it has a nice fucking theme song.



Lyrics according to this video's description:

What a thrill...
With darkness and silence through the night
What a thrill...
I'm searching and I'll melt into you
What a fear in my heart
But you're so supreme!

I give my life
Not for honor, but for you
**Snake Eater**
In my time there'll be no one else
Crime, it's the way I fly to you
**Snake Eater**
I'm still in a dream, Snake Eater!

Someday you go through the rain
Someday you feed on a tree frog
This ordeal, the trial to survive
For the day we see new light!

I give my life
Not for honor, but for you
**Snake Eater**
In my time there'll be no one else
Crime, it's the way I fly to you
**Snake Eater**
I'm still in a dream, Snake Eater!

First of all, my "The Last of Us: Remastered" PS4 code is still up for grabs, for whoever wants it.

Little bit fucked up, not gonna lie. Either way, there are apparently terrible porn site type ads going around. You know the ones, right? I don't have to further elaborate on that, do I? I'm going to assume that you know what I mean, are too young to rightfully know, or simply don't do porn at all. Whatever kind of person at whatever age you happen to be, I just want to point out that things are getting a little weird. Weirder than normal for this site. Like early me on this site weird. I think you get the gist.

Scandalous shenanigans involving upper management aside, I guess I'll talk about something serious. Guess I could talk about my brother a little bit. I never really did that here, did I? As to which one I'm talking about, I'm sure you can guess if you've been reading some of my recent journals, but that's not important. He was a pretty fun guy. Not like me at all, really. The closest thing we held in common was our love for video games and anime, really. He was a fairly outgoing man with a lot of friends in lots of places. He was smart in all kinds of ways, but pretty fucking stupid at the same time. He knew machines pretty well. Cars and other sorts of things. He was a handyman, I suppose. I believe he wanted to be an aerospace engineer. Is that it? Maybe. Smart as he was in his trade among many other aspects, he could act pretty dumb. He could be a little bit impulsive and had some anger issues that never really got fully addressed. I suppose you could say he was a violent person at times. A time bomb.

He loved America, that much is clear. He even served in the military, though he never got deployed due to ridiculous shenanigans of some sort. I think that upset him. He also liked deadly sorts of things like blades and guns. I suppose he liked a lot of things, really. Don't know why blades and guns become my go to for things he liked. He loved animals of many sorts, fishing, games... A lot of things, though it's hard to think about everything he liked. I dunno. I feel like I'm rambling at this point. Point is that he's my brother, and I'll miss him.




Bandcamp: https://homestuck.bandcamp.com/album/prospit-derse

I'll start off by saying that my "The Last of Us: Remastered" PS4 code is still up for grabs, for whoever wants it.

Down to business. Let's talk about stuff. How was your day? Are you doing alright? Have you found anyone special? Do you feel like you're getting anywhere? Have you a sense of purpose? Have you any regrets? Whatever your answers to those questions, I'd like to pose an interesting question to whoever is willing to pick up on it. Do you ever look back on the things you've done, the things you'd thought about doing, the person you were going to be? Do you think that man and the young dream of yourself to be a stranger? Do you ever really feel like you know yourself worse than anybody else?

I pose this question because I want to try and start writing again. So, I thought I'd refresh myself on Eif's story and piece the future together from there. Problem is, I don't know if I'm the same person I was when I started that story. I don't know if it's right for me to continue it. That curiosity aside, he definitely deserves an ending. They all deserve an ending, but I'm unclear on how to proceed.



Lyrics and bandcamp: https://robcantormusic.bandcamp.com.....k/im-gonna-win

My life is a constant entrapment of tunnels
Which tangle and wind and beguile
And regardless of where I may tumble or funnel
I wonder what’s really worthwhile

Sometimes it can seem like a merciless dream
And I’m falling with nothing to hold
Sometimes I get flustered and beaten and blistered
Abandoned outside in the cold

CHORUS
But I’m gonna win, I’m gonna try
I’ll never lose, I’ll never die
You’ve seen me before, you’ll see me again
I’ll never give up, I’ll never give in
Til I’m bloody and bruised
Til I’ve broken my bones
Til I won’t be abused
Til I’m laughing alone

It’s hard to be charming and smart and disarming
It’s hard to pretend you’re the best
It’s hard to fulfill everyone’s expectations
It’s hard to keep up with the rest

CHORUS

How do you feel?
You’ve been concealing your worries from the world
But you can reveal them to me
I wouldn’t know
I go on even though

I’ll be bloody and bruised
I’ll be breaking my bones
I’ll be paying my dues
I’ll be laughing alone

So, the PS4 I got came with The Last of Us: Remastered, but I'm already quite familiar with the story. The beautiful, wonderful story. Would anybody be interested in it?



I don't really feel like putting the lyrics up. It's My Chemical Romance and the title is Dead! You can guess how it goes if you don't already know.

It's a shame we couldn't have killed the Akantor before hand, but I've made certain that the monster has been slain. He was our next objective, so I felt it had to be done.