Hello everyone, and welcome. Sorry I haven't been involved in the fandom at all recently. I haven't been able to do much with it, and it's lowered my like for it a lot. Only thing I do remotely with the fandom is use FA for porn. So with that you won't see updates for me at all, if very little.

I want to start a side project that would be cool, but I don't have the stuff for it, so for now it just remains on one of my many side burners with all my other projects.

If anything thanks for the memories and such.

Got rid of mine. Sorry, but it just wasn't worth it. I know as soon as I can I want to clean this account out too.

yeah..... what's that again? I gave up on it. haven't really done anything fur related for a few years now.

Should I close down all my messengers or not? Like I've told my roommates the people I talk to I live with, and everyone else seems to not talk to me anymore, so I'm wondering if I should just close them down for good. I haven't talked to anyone on AIM or anything in weeks. It just seems pointless to keep them on or going if no one talks to me.

Been addicted to this iphone/ipod/ipad/3DS final fantasy game that is based off of rhythm, and all the best FF music of every FF game. It's called final fantasy Theatrhythm. It's a bad ass game. Anyone who like rhythm games like DDR and stuff would love this, especially if you like FF music.

Well lets see. Recently I moved into a new place. Yes, I finally got out of the hell hole I was in, thank god. And that move was rather quick and easy if you ask me. Although I didn't get to say all my goodbye. Oh well though.

Ever since I moved thought it's been really high stress and anxiety for me. The stress due to the fact of over worrying among other things. I'm hoping I find a job sooner rather then lately, and with each passing day it makes me feel more and more stressed.
Also I have some horribly depressions issues that need to be looked at by a doctor or something. It's so bad that I haven't been myself lately, and everyone around me is noticing that. I dunno what I'm going to do about that, and even if I did do something I don't think it would help. I think I might have deeper issues that even I wont bring up or touch. Lets just say my life has been all kinds of crazy and fucked up. :(
I'm also starting to think what I went to school for was a complete waste of my time!
Another big issue was what my BF did, which bother me, but I couldn't do much about. What he did was convince me to move to the new place sooner rather then later. But before this we both talked and wanted to do it together because he knew how scared I was to do this. But after I moved in and I hoped he'd follow, he didn't, and now he isn't showing up till after Dec. Made me feel like I did this for nothing, and if this was his was of a "friendly encouraging push" then he's dead wrong. It put more stress on me then anything.

Not to say though Both of my new roomy's have been nothing but supportive, it just still feels awkward. Not to mention I feel so out of place.

The biggest thing that eats at me is that if I give up it's all over. Not to mention I have no real safety net to fall back on. So I screw up this time and it's game over. :( Now that's all fine and stuff, but when every time you've tried you ended up failing, that's where it worries me. but nothing I can do about that it. That's life's harsh reality. Not much I can do but keep on trying, although with each day I feel less and less importation and that I wont be able to do it.

Oh well I guess. I'm either going to succeed or fail, and chances are it's going to not go how I want it to, but isn't that how life works?

I'm finally going through my FA after about three months of not being able to get to it. So with a total of over 12k in submissions to go through, I'm sorry in advance to leaving a flood of favs to anyone.

Yeah, sadly I'm not going. Going to miss some people and what sucks is its only two hours from me. :(

In other news computer is fixed and I will be grabbing it soon

Sorry guys, I've still yet to fix my computer. I haven't been online much at all sadly, and I miss all the friends I use to talk to. Been using my iPod for everything but it's annoying me so I don't use it often. Mostly use it for twitter and that's about it. I'm hoping I can fix the computer soon, if not oh well I guess.

Still would like to talk to someone but about some bothersome problems, and I haven't been able to do that.

Oh and my phone phone is dying. The battery won't hold a charge for more then three hours, so I don't use it unless I need to, bf tried getting me and him a plan but I became stubborn and said no.

So as you can tell I'm going nuts because everything is falling apart on me, I hope it gets better it all.

Was suppose to be cool, seeing as it's me and my BF four year anny, but sadly we can't even see each other that I know of. Also I won't be doing anything tomorrow, ick. Probably just game all day, still without a computer too.

I'm just going to make some money give my shit away and just travel till I run out of money. I'm done with everything. I'm having such bad depression, and I stop talking to my best friend/only friend that I can see on a daily basis, so now I'm alone again. =/

.

A lot of things have been put into retrospect for me lately, but sadly it still isn't enough to make me feel different, if you get that. Oddly I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I don't talk to friends often, I keep to myself, to many things that cause me to think bad of myself. I seriously have low self-esteem issues, also a serious lack of motivation. a lot of anxiety, and depression. I think that is caused by the ecstasy bing I had when my grandma died. I'm glad I didn't go higher then that. I have a long road ahead of me too, and right now I want it to come quicker. I want something to challenge me in life, sadly I might be pushed into extreme's situations for that soon.

After losing my last job due to stupidity I lost the car I had which sucked. I knew I should of moved when I had the money. I really dunno if I have bad depression or what, but my lack of motivation I feel is because of my situation in life, living space, and the people around me. I feel like I need to break from where I'm and just start a fresh new life. Kind of hard though with a lot of problems blocking my way.

Sadly I don't have parents to really "help" me, or give me the backbone/protection that I feel I "need" to have to be on my own. Hard to explain that, but basically just knowing your parents will catch you when you fall/fail is what I want, but I don't have, except through my friends. I also know though that if you keep on holding onto something to tight, it keeps a hold of you. I want to be independent, but I feel like I can't. I'm probably right though, or maybe I'm just crazy. either way, I feel like I'm not fit to be in a normal society.

making my self succeed is something I'm not very well successful in. Honestly I wish I had a better life. I don't like myself, and it hurts. I dunno what to do with myself, and soon I'll have to make some decisions that I'm not going to like. Probably in less then a month. I dunno what to do about it, so I'm stressing badly, which I think is what's causing my insomnia and anxiety.

 anime.cosplay.builder is doing free badges, check out her journal.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3420718/

Yeah, a lot of stuff on my mind right now.

Well my BF is stressed out badly. He just wants to up and leave everyone and everything around him. Sadly I talked to him and gave him all the reason why he shouldn't do this.

But sadly if he does, and even if he doesn't I'm screwed in many ways. Now this is causing me stress, but it's what ever. I'm done with a lot of things, hell I don't even wanna live anymore, all my life is depressing, dull, and fucked up.

Right now, I have a lot of stress. Mainly about myself, but I can't seem to shake it.

=/

Q1. How long have you been watching/reading naruto?
A. Been reading the manga since 2005 ish. Started watching the anime like a year later in 2006.

Q2. Which caught your attention first, the manga or the anime?
A. Manga

Q3. Name your top 5 favorite characters-
1. Itachi
2. Nagato
3. Danzo
4. Kisame
5. Tobi

Q4. Name your top 5 least favorite characters-
1. Shino
2. Ino
3. Rinkage (think that spelled right)
4. Konohamaru
5. Choji

Q5. What's your favorite moment of naruto unleashed?
A. When the three sannin battled. Right before Tsunade became Hokage.

Q6. What's your favorite moment of naruto shippuden?
A. Danzo VS Sauske fight.

Q7. Do you own any naruto cosplay items? If yes list them!
Ninja headband, Atkatsuki suit

Q8. What's your favorite ever jutsu?
A. Izanagi

Q9. What is your favorite kekke genkai?
A. Rinnegan

Q10. What village would you want to be a shinobi of?
A. None sadly. I'd either being a missing-nin and be part of the Atkatsuki, or just be a rouge ninja with no clan.

Well me and my BF had a good week together last week.

that's all there is to report. lol

My Bf will be coming up for a visit for a week.

Well because some people will get mad and/or angry because I didn't tell anyone yet, well I'm going to be moving soon. To where, well that all depends on the time and what arises.

I've got 3 possibly places where I might be heading, and where I'm heading I haven't deiced or made up my mind yet. Even though time is against me kind of. But I'm not worried about time or anything, just saying it will happen soon regardless.

Anyways some of you already know this, so this journal is irrelevant to you.

When I do move I'll let people know though.

[ ] you meow/bark to get attention
[ ] you find pets toys amusing
[ ] you get hyper by the smell of catnip
[ ] you growl/hiss when someone gets too close to your food
[ ] you growl/hiss when someone you dislike is too close to you
[ ] you purr/shake your leg when someone shows you affection
[ ] if someone tosses a ball, you chase it and bring it back
Total: 0

[ ] you love to be scratched behind the ear
[x] you love fish/meat.
[ ] you like to stick your head out through the window of a moving car.
[ ] you like when people pet your head
[ ] people can make you stop doing stuff by hitting you on the nose with a newspaper
[ ] you think feathers are fun to play with
Total: 1

[ ] you sleep a lot during daytime
[ ] you enjoy scaring birds
[ ] you lick peoples faces to show you like them
[ ] you bite people if they annoy you
[ ] you tend to steal food from your friends/family's plate when you have eaten all of yours
[ ] milk or water is your favorite drink
Total: 0

[ ] you own a collar and you enjoy wearing it
[ ] you own a leash and enjoy wearing it
[x] you own animal ears/tail/paws or a fursuit
[ ] you enjoy long walks in the park
[ ] you meow/bark when you see something you want
Total: 1

[ ] you call your hands and feet "paws"
[ ] you tilt your head when you do not understand what someone is talking about
[ ] you run to the door when someone mentions a walk
[x] you really enjoy cuddling
[ ] you stretch your body and whimper a bit every morning when you wake up
[ ] you can wake up and go back to sleep right away after looking around
Total: 1

[ ] you have your favorite spot besides your bed where you like to sleep
[ ] you meow or bark very often
[ ] you hide when you get scared
[ ] you run to the door to see who it is every time someone comes in to the house
[ ] you like to chase flying insects and try to catch them with your bare hand
[ ] you tend to chew on stuff a lot
[ ] you like to do tricks to get a treat
Total: 0

[ ] you own a wearable item/tag with your name on it
[ ] you refer to yourself as an animal
[ ] your username has something to do with animals
[ ] your e-mail has something to do with animals
[ ] if you get a bleeding wound, you lick it to make it feel better
[ ] you look for edible stuff often
Total: 0

[x] you often find yourself looking through the window for a long time
[ ] you like to say hi to strangers
[ ] you like to be petted when you have done something good
[ ] people think you act like a pet
[ ] you growl/hiss at stuff you do not like
[ ] you like to eat grass
[ ] if you get wet, you shake to get rid of the water
Total: 1

Final total: 4X2=8

Take your score and multiply it by 2
Put your title as "I'm _% Furry"

From now on, you can’t tell lies, are you ready?
Sure, as far as you can tell anyways.

Think back eight months ago, were you single?
No

What do you carry with you at all times?
Ipod, Cell phone, Wallet

Are you a cuddler?
Yes

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
Sure, though you won't find anything, maybe a black hole or two possibly if anything. hehe

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you text messaged?
My Mother (LAME!)

How are you feeling?
Okay

Is something wrong right now?
No, but a few questions, question my mind lately.

Are you mad at someone?
Nope

How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?
I don't care personally.

What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
I raped soul on FFTA? Does that count?

How many TRUE best friends do you have?
4

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
No, I like getting up early. Although that hasn't happen lately. heh

How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over?
One....

Where is your number one friend on your friends list?
Probably sleeping.

Do you have anyone crushing on you?
Nope

When was the last time you talked to your most recent ex?
To long ago to remember, but we do talk from time to time.

Do you sleep with the TV on?
No

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
Nope

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
Nope

Are you jealous of someone right now?
Kind of.... damn fox! (To many I know to give it away! haha)

Where is the person you like right now?
He is probably in bed.

What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
Soda

What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Nothing really, it's late at night so relaxing or sleeping I guess.

What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex's body?
TITTIES! lmao

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Nope

Could you handle a long distance relationship?
Yes, and I'm currently in one still that's been going for 3 years and 5 months. So do you think I can handle it? I'll let you decide.

Could you cry right now?
Nope

Are you okay with the life you live?
Nope, I'd rather be a ghost.

Did you enjoy your day today?
It was a good day, had a great laugh today at a friends interview for a job.

Do you have a tattoo?
Nope.

Would you ever get any piercings on your body, other than your ear?
Yeah, I'd probably do something with my cock.

Ever had a song sang about/for you?
No, but I sang one to someone.

What was the last thing you spent money for?
Dutch.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Roommate.

Do you call it fall or autumn?
Fall

11:11… Make a wish?
No wishes are just false hope to comfort the weak.

Honestly, who makes you happy most of the time?
My Bf.

What were you up to at 9pm last night?
Smoking a blunt? (don't ask)

Do you hold grudges?
Nope.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Yes.

What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships?
It's fine, just don't flaunt it, cause it's nothing better or nothing less then anything else.

Who was your last text from?
My friend John

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yes.

One thing you’re looking forward to?
Starting my life some where new and possibly fixing and making my life better.

Are you shy at first when it comes to meeting people?
Yes

Has anyone ever called you sexy?
One person, but I honestly look horrible.

What color is your camera?
Silver/black

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
Yes.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Sometimes, it depends on what feeling it is.

Are you wasting your time on someone?
I would hope not.

Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to?
Yes.

By the way, what is your name?
Names are labels like numbers, so you get a number 86-19-1017 (figure out that code bitch)

Are you currently in a relationship?
Yes, one I hope will last me a lifetime. <3

Do you give out second chances too easily?
Nope.

What color is your favorite hoodie?
Black/Blue

I honestly don't feel like being me anymore. I hate myself, everything about me, even my looks is complete and utter failure. Sometimes I just sit and wonder why I even bother at times, everything I do ends up failing. Been keeping myself away from the internet a lot too, I find it boring now to just be on it, except when I "need" to be. Not many people talk to me much anymore, and that's fine. I understand people are busy and such, and it's mostly me, staying offline and such and not really talking.

IT's just really bad that I wake up every morning hating myself, and I keep thinking to myself what's the point. Who knows maybe I need help or something.

I dunno, just been not feeling right lately. I just don't want the existence of me to be around really. I don't contribute to anyone or anything. I'm a waste of time.