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A piece of advice
Posted 7 years agoHey guys!
I've been thinking a lot about something for the last hour. I made a short post about this on my twitter, but I thought I'd share it here too. Because I feel that this is important, and may be very helpful to some people out there reading this.
I was thinking about some of the things that my poppa (grandfather) taught me over the years when he was still alive. In my darkest days, he was a great motivator and shared many pieces of advice on how to view the world and the people in it.
One of the things he taught me, I thought is SO relevant in today's world.
He said, "Corey, never hold grudges against those who hurt you".
I guess it took me a while to figure exactly what he meant and how much it would make my life so less stressing. Being an individual who is diagnosed on the autism spectrum, my emotions back then were particularly sensitive, and when I was a small child to about my mid teens, the only way I thought to fight back at those who hurt me was to retaliate. Had I dealt with things better back then, I wouldn't have been growing some grey hairs by now XP
I just feel that so many people nowadays are just really angry with the world, and they think they have every right to be angry at people
for whatever reason.
If you continue living your life holding grudges against everyone who's done something wrong to you, then you'll never move on. Your mind will continue to not be at peace. It causes internal issues within yourself mentally (and at times physically), and it's just not healthy. Don't let something so small eat you from the inside out.
There will always be people out there who are going to try and hurt you, and sometimes they'll succeed in doing so.
At some point in time, we're all going to need to learn forgive and move on.
I can't tell you how many times I've been hurt in my life, and definitely how many times I've held grudges because of it. But despite all that now, I'm not going to let someone's negativity hold me back from living my life. There's no point wasting my time and thoughts, to be bitter about anyone who doesn't a shit about me.
So for everyone out there, don't let anyone's words or actions offend you. I know there are people out there who say, "You're feelings are important", which they are. But we seriously need to get out of this modern-age mentality of instantly retaliating, whenever we hear something nasty being said about us or anyone else.
Another thing my poppa taught me was that the best way to let negativity die, is to not feed it. Don't give it any attention, just ignore it. That person will realize they aren't going anywhere with actions of such, they'll get bored and move on to something more productive for once.
So don't feed it guys. Don't hold grudges, learn to forgive and move on.
Peace out
~GuruBack to working on comms
Posted 7 years agoAfter being 3-4 weeks out of action due to bitchy illnesses, I'm now well enough to get back to drawing. Might take a bit of time for me to get back into the swing of things. Four weeks away does effect the flow on my motivation. But the more I start to work on my commissions, the more used to it I'll become.
Hopefully I'll have some new art up this week, if not, next week ^.^
~GuruGot more sick
Posted 7 years agoI was getting well heading into the latter half of last week. I was happily awaiting the departure of Mr Flu.
Friday morning however, I woke up really lightheaded and really off balanced. Also couldn't swallow my food properly. Body was full on aching, losing energy once again. Took me a couple of days to un-stubborn myself to go see a doctor. Found out that Mrs Strep Throat had now made her unwanted, temporary residence inside my body.
For those who aren't aware of what strep throat is, it's this bacterial infection that makes your throat feel scratchy and itchy, makes you feel like there are lumps and stuff in your throat. Really annoying right?!
Also, I can't talk properly. because it's made the back of my mouth plate droop. Now I sound like I have a hair lip, and I can't do things like blow hot food without holding my nose.. Thanks Mrs Strep Throat!
This unfortunately means EVEN MORE delays, which was not what I wanted at all. I've got a few things coming up. Have my best friend and roommate's girlfriend come to stay later on this week, have a couple of meetings this weekend, and last of all I have a design brief I have to work on now for a family member. Wanted to have a few things done before all this IRL busy stuff started happening.
Really sorry guys, particularly anyone who is awaiting a commissioned piece from me. Again, I hope you all are understanding enough of my current situation. Getting myself physically 100% is what's important right now.
~GuruSmall Delays (Pretty sick)
Posted 7 years agoHey everyone
You've probably noticed I've gone quiet again for the last week, after a very good and consistent start to last month
I've caught a heavy case of the flu. First few days was pretty bad, depleted of energy and feeling heavy. Nose and throat being a bitch on top of that. Then I had a couple of days where I started to feel better. Today however I'm back to having no energy. I'm now also at the constant coughing stage, making my asthma play up big time. So that's been fun.
I've literally tried many times to work on commissions, but I've been feeling way too out of it. Pretty much can't draw for more than 10 mins at a time. When it comes to my physical health, my body is very picky when it comes to me attempting to do things I need to do. And I hate it.
I'm going to try to give myself some personal time to recover, so there will be more delays unfortunately. But it's needed, because my health and safety always needs to be my top priority. Because when I'm not completely good health, energy to work falls to pieces.
Thanks for understanding everyone
~GuruTMI Tuesday
Posted 7 years agoHaven't done these in quite a while
Ask away!
Ask away!
2,000 Watchers! Thanks Everyone!
Posted 7 years agoI'm not the most fussed with milestones and such, I had no clue I was even close to it XD That shows how much I care about numbers.
But I thought I should show some kind of appreciation regardless. Because being the dope I am, I always feel I don't show enough of that.
I really do cherish the support I have from you guys. Whether you give a comment, like, watch, whatever it is. It has made my journey here that much better. Particularly within the last year and and half, when my health had been like an absolute rollercoaster, I had been fortunate enough to still have that support from you all.
To my commissioners who have waited for way too long, some which are still waiting. I really don't deserve the amount of patience you guys have shown me. People might say some of the troubles I went through last year was a good enough excuse, but I honestly don't feel anything should be ever an excuse for me to keep people waiting for months and months without proper contact. Something I vowed I'd never do to any client of mine. Your patience has helped eased a part of the stress and anxiety that kept me worrying that my status as a commissioning artist would die out.
I will do my best to improve myself, for myself, as well as you guys.
Thanks everyone again for the love and support you've shown me ^.^
~ Peace out ~Update - MOVING TOMORROW!!
Posted 7 years agoHey guys!
Again, I apologize for further delays. But I have been hella busy in the last week.
Long story short, we got everything finalized just over a week ago. I've been packing stuff up all week, sorting all the boxes and such.
Got the keys yesterday, and we moved just about everything from our storage unit into the new house. Tomorrow we'll be moving everything from my uncle's place and what remains at the unit. After that, I should be pretty much done :D
Throughout next week as well, I will be flat out sending out resumes to places around the area. Because there are TONNES of shops and other retail places near where I am, in realistically any direction.
Very exciting things around the corner, and I will be making a lot a changes, for the better of my own sake. Once I've settled into the house, I will finally be able to sit down, and have a proper crack at getting what's left of my queue done.
Thanks to all of my commissioners who have been EXTREMELY patient with me to this point
And thanks to everyone in general, especially my friends, for sticking by my side.
Peace out!Delays - Moving in about 2-3 weeks
Posted 7 years agoHey guys!
Sorry I've been a bit slow recently.
I have some fantastic news though. I'll be finally moving into my own house in a couple of weeks!
That's what's keeping me occupied recently. I've been looking at houses all over the place in last two weeks with my dad, and we're just about to begin packing up some belongings as well.
Also, my best friend is moving in with me as well. He originally had some plans to move out with a couple of mutual friends of ours, but they eventually pulled out due to some personal reasons. So we offered for him to come move in with us, and we was extremely happy to do so.
So over the next couple of weeks, I will be working a couple of big commissions, as well as packing and stuff. I hopefully can have there pieces I'm working on, done before I move out.
But things are beginning to turn good for me and my family now. I've waited too long for this, I can finally move forward in my life.
Hope you guys are having a crackin day!
~GuruRelationships and I
Posted 7 years agoI've had a few people talk to me lately about relationships, sex and stuff.
I tell these people I've never really experienced that kind of stuff before, and people go "But you're a good looking guy" or/and, "you draw fantastic art! How do you not get any girls?"
First off, I'm not that great looking or that interesting as a person. Not being self-conscious of myself btw, I'm absolutely fine with whatever I've been given. I just know I haven't got much to offer on the dating side of things, and honestly don't mind it one bit.
I've only been in one relationship, which was from 2008-2010. I would've been about ages 13-15. The girl in the said relationship actually asked me out. I never thought to do any like that. I did like her, but teenage relationships and the feelings/emotions involved is far less serious than a adult relationship is. Saying that though, two and a half years is pretty decent knowing the majority of relationships during school don't often come anywhere near that far. Since September '10, I've been single ever since, and to be quite honest been happy for the most part.
Also, a bit of TMI here, I'm a virgin believe it or not. Almost 23 and I haven't had one sexual encounter. Not even close to having it. You'd think that with all the adult artwork I draw, I'd have some kind of sex life to whatever certain point. But no, none whatsoever.
People asked whether I've considered having anything casual. I hate to be involved in a causal sexual relationship or a one night stand. To me that feels way too empty. Also with more and more people being not loyal in today's world, whether that be cheating or being in those open relationship things. I'd just feel as though that me by myself, won't be enough to satisfy another woman.
I would like sex to be something special if I was to ever have it, I would prefer to be with someone that I was having a serious relationship with. Someone that I can personally trust with something like that.
But that's where the problem comes in. The main reason is that, I just find it very difficult to find interest in someone. I've never gotten that notion when seeing another girl and think "You're pretty, I wanna date you!". I've never been interested in looking, it's something I've never had on my mind as an objective of some kind.
Maybe it's because I don't trust people in general, particularly with girls as funny as it is. I don't have many friends that are girls. Maybe about 5 or so at the very best (excluding females in my family that is, then again your family are your greatest friends). With any who I am friends with, I usually try to have conversations as occasionally as possible. Otherwise I feel like that they're thinking I'm coming onto them or something. Some I feel I know too well to go out with, I'd rather not ruin a friendship. Most females I feel I'm not able to connect with, like most people in general.
I don't like people, I don't get people. I think the people in this world today, particularly people of my age group, is a very mean population. Hence why I'm very introverted and rarely ever leave my bedroom, unless it's something I feel I'm obligated to come out for (eg. dinner). My social life is very non-existent apart from the very small group of people I keep in contact with.
Also, for those wondering "Have you thought about men?", I have no feelings towards men at all, emotionally or sexually. To be frank, I'd find that me being in a relationship with another man would seem quite obnoxious. I feel that emotions could clash quite easily.
People might wonder, don't I yearn for either of these things?
No, not really.
Whether it's my autism, whether it's my social anxiety, whether it's something else in that interesting cranium of mine. I don't know what it is. Might just be secretly a dark human being
But I don't mind at all a being a single pringle or a virgin. I'd honestly much rather be alone, than most likely dating someone because it was a "good enough" find.
I don't know if there's someone actually out there for me that's the actual right one, or if I'm the one for anyone. Who knows, one day to my surprise I might find someone.
Either way I don't care.
I'm very much resigned to the fact of me being, as they say, forever single. And I'm okay with that. I've been okay with that for a long time.
There are much more things I find more important in my life to focus my attention towards, including just living my life itself. I have my friends, my family (even though I don't converse with them much). I have my job which is also my passion, in doing artwork and design.
So many things I find more enjoyable in life than being with someone.
That's just me.
Anyways, hope you all are having a brilliant day/evening. I should have some more art up soon, so that's something for you lot to look forward too ^.^
~Peace out~Life Update (Feb 2018)
Posted 7 years agoG'day guys! Thought I'd give you a quick heads up on where I am at, before I head off to bed. I was going to go to sleep, but I felt I should do this journal.
Things at the moment are looking very much on the rise.
Dad finally got his new car tonight, which looks sick as. It's a Ford Falcon XR6 FGX, and the interior looks even snazzier than the outside.
The main thing is, now we can concentrate on getting our own place again.
The landlord of my uncle's place is selling the house, so me and my dad have to find a house, preferably for everyone's sake, within the next month. I'm actually excited for this, because I can now look forward to getting things in my life starting off again. Like my schooling, possible work, etc. After 14 months so far of being here, it's been very frustrating not to be able to move on and work on my future properly.
Last month I went to 
Confurgence There's a better re-cap of it here - http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8639791/
That was fun and chill. Commissioned a few artist, which I've already received a couple of them back, and they're looking fantastic!
Speaking of art, progress on my commission lqueue are coming up a lot better for me now. I am currently working on three pieces right now, two are comms and one is a personal project (which I've been needing to do this for a couple of years now). Might seem like I'm taking a bit of time again, but one of the comms has 12 characters involved. So it's a bit full on, but I'm managing to keep myself motivated. More or less because I'm actually taking time to work on more personal projects that I feel inspired to work on. They always work as a stress reliever, and I plan to do this way more (not meaning to sound entirely selfish XP). But it helps gain motivation for other projects.
Next week, is going to be a bit of an emotional week. My mum is moving overseas on Wednesday. I won't discuss where she's moving to, just out of respect for my mother. Let's just say it's a long way from Australia. Tomorrow I'm actually spending the whole day with her and my sister. Going out for lunch and then heading back to my sister's place for games and dinner. I'm hoping I can see her off at the airport next week, but at this point it's not looking likely. So tomorrow may be the last day I see her, until she comes by and visits or vice versa.
Thursday will be footy night! Football season starts again, I'll be attending Richmond's first home game. Get to see them unfurl the premiership flag for last year, which is going to be a proud moment.
I'm sure I had other stuff happening next week, but I can't think of it. This is what happens when you try to think a lot at 3:30 in the morning XD
But yeah, mum's moving and I'll be finally moving very soon. This year is starting to show me, after a dark 18 months, the light at the end of the tunnel.
Hope you are all having a crackin' day and that you keep doing your thing ^.^
Peace out!
ConfurgenceUpdate to my Patreon
Posted 7 years agoHey guys!
Just letting you know I've made some updates to my Patreon rewards page.
I've changed the $1 rewards from an early release to just a cheap tip.
I like submitting my pieces on all sites in one go, because I don't want to do it again XD
And I've also gotten rid of the $15 because I have no reason why I put something that expensive up in the first place, when I don't even have that many patrons at all.
That's all the changes I have.
Also, if anyone is interested in supporting me by being a patron, here is my Patreon profile below
https://www.patreon.com/gangstaguru
I post WIPs and Full HD version of my personal pieces only. Whether that be art of my personal characters or some fan art I've decided to do, it'll be art that has not been ordered by someone else for me to do.
Here are the tiers for those who are too lazy to check them out on my Patreon page
$1 - Just for anyone who wants to give a small monthly tip
$3 - Will get access to HD/Full Res art, along with the rewards stated in previous tiers
$5 - Will get access to any WIPs I post for my projects, along with the other rewards listed in the lower tiers
$7 - Will be able to view some of my ideas listed for future projects, as well as pitching in some ideas if asked, along with other rewards listed in the lower tiers.
And please, if you do become a patron of mine. PLEASE don't do the coward thing and back out before the monthly charge, so you don't have to pay anything for it. I've had a couple of people do that to me already and it's annoying, and it makes me have to think of you as a cockwomble.
So please be respectful, and do the right thing.
I'm wanting to post at least 2 personal pieces a month, have some additional rough sketches and WIPs put up. Just wanting to be more active on Patreon so it doesn't become a barren page half of the time. It's not too often I usually do personal works, but I'm planning on doing these more often from now on, to help me keep myself creatively motivated.
Also, for those who get all funny about the whole paywalling thing. If anyone is worried that I'll paywall any piece of mine from having access to any other site, then no need to worry! I'm not going to be putting a paywall on any of my finished pieces. Plus there are a few sites already that expose paywalled art to the public, so there's no point anyway.
But I will be making the WIPs and Full HDs exclusive to Patreon. Make sense to do so with the HDs especially, because no other site can take larger files like that.
If any of you decide to be a patron of mine, please know that I'll be deeply grateful for your support. It will help me be more active in producing more personal content in general.
Thanks guys!
Confurgence 2018 Recap!
Posted 7 years agoOk, so Confurgence this year was pretty good. Nothing at all went wrong, very smooth sailing.
For me it was a really chill con, like I stated it would be in the meme I put prior to the the con.
Firstly before anything, I would really like to thank my two roommates and friends 
Sevren2112 and 
Maxtheshadowdragon for being good to me and just being awesome people. Made the con a lot easier to cope with, had some good moments too.
So on the Friday, I spent most of the evening in my room XD
I attended the opening ceremonies and that was it. The dance was pretty dull, so I didn't bother going down. There was an art panel I was considering going, but again I wasn't bothered. Spent most of my time working on a commission.
I did however get some commissions organized at the dealer's den that night. Looking forward to seeing how they turn out.
Saturday was great. Had the Tonight with CynWolfe Show and Uncle Kage's Story Hour. Also had the Gala lunch, which was for gold and platinum sponsor members, as well as the guests of honour and the head staff. That was good too, very nice food for lunch.
I also attended the fursuit life drawing panel, which was held by my good friend and a brilliant fursuiter 
FURtitude
It was having people drawing fursuiters in a pose for 5-10 minutes each. Now 5 mins for me is pretty much speed drawing, no matter what I'm drawing. I like to take my time to make sure I get something right, rather than draw it out as quick as I can to over and done with it. Now, the fact that I was drawing fursuiters made it WAYYY harder. You might think drawing fursuits is easy, try doing it in 5-10 mins and then try telling me that!
On the Sunday was my socializing with different people day, as it usually is each year. Made some new accquaintances and friends, had some good convos with peeps. Got some more art, took some selfies with a few suiters. Had the fursuit parade, charity auction with Kage and Cynwolfe, as well as the closing ceremony and the final dance. Again, the dance wasn't buzzing or anything. Mostly because there wasn't too many people. Usually in other years, the final dances are more hyped up than what it was this year. So I spent most of the time chatting and laughing with some people in the lobby. Some got drunk XP
So as I said, this was a very chillax con for me.
For next year's Confurgence, I am seriously thinking about taking up doing the dealer's den again. Need to get a few things sorted first, and make sure my commission queue is NOT piled up again afterwards like last year. Because that kind of bruised myself of being a reliable artist.
Also, I'm really going to try and save for a fursuit. Whether I'm going to get an Anka suit or a Jaron suit, I'm not too sure. They're both very tempting to get as my first. All I do know is who I'll be choosing as the makers, depending on who I'm getting done. Hopefully I'll be ordering one some time this year.
In closing I'd like to thank the people I spent time with there and also meeting: Sevren2112 Maxtheshadowdragon 
Toxi 
SibeorHusky 
TheSaberFox 
Silvixen 
DocRat and some other people I have no clue what they're FA name is.
Lastly, Cynwolfe who was the Chairman for the last 10 years stepped down as the chairman. Some people have different views of him, and whatever they are I don't give a shit. I think he's a pretty top bloke, and not too many people get to run a big furry convention for 10 years. So congrats to 
Cynwolfe for being a wonderful chairman for Confurgence all these years and good luck to whatever the future holds for you.
Also good luck to Nonna Bunny and StarShadow, who are the new co-Chairmans. I'm sure these two people will take good care of the convention in the coming years.
Looking forward to next year guys. Return to Oz!
Sevren2112
Maxtheshadowdragon
FURtitude
Toxi
SibeorHusky
TheSaberFox
Silvixen
DocRat
CynwolfeConfurgence 2018 Meme
Posted 8 years agoA bit early, but I'm posting this anyway.
I'm going to be a Hero sponsor this year (which is normally called a gold sponsor, due to the superheroes theme.). Not going to be doing a hell of a lot. Going to be quite reserved to be frank.
Congrats Confurgence on your 10th anniversary!
Where are you staying?
Amora Riverwalk Hotel, Richmond
What day are you getting there?
Early hours of Friday 23rd
How are you arriving?
I'll be taking the train from my suburb to either Hawthorn or Burnley. If the weather is nice enough I'll walk from there. If it's too hot or too wet, I'll tram it.
What names shall I refer to you as?
Guru is fine
Who will you be rooming with?
Sevren2112 and Maxtheshadowdragon
Who will you hang out with during the convention?
Sevren2112 FURtitude 
Spikey_Shadowfang ....... that's about it. As you can see, I don't have many furry friends from my own country XD
Are there events you might be attending?
Well they haven't released the schedule yet, but I'll be sure to attend Uncle Kage's Story Hour as usual. Also any art panels I'm able to attend.
Will you be suiting?
I wish mate, I wish.
Can I take photos of you?
Sure. I mean, I don't really have much to offer at a furry con photo wise, but I'm not in any way camera shy at least.
What's your plans during the con?
I honestly wouldn't have a bloody clue. Actually, to be honest, I'm going to be chilling most of the time in my room.
Are you dealing or planning on going to the den (if so, to see which tables)?
Not dealing this year, too much of a hassle and too expensive for me to do again. And I probably won't be buying any art from others this year. I'll be very short of spare money by then. Joys of not having a weekly income!
Do you do free art?
Bugger off you cheapskate!
Do you do trades?
Maybe with other artists of a similar level of quality. But I'm not open at the moment
What is your gender?
I'm the manliest man who ever man-ed the man!
How old are you?
22 (turning 23 in August)
How tall are you?
192cm/6'3" is what I last checked
Are you taken? Are you looking for a 'mate'?
Single for 7 and a half years. Haven't really given myself time to pay attention to look for a girlfriend. But hey, if the opportunity comes, I'll give it a try again.
Can I talk to you?
Sure. Saves me from being too anxious to make conversation with someone.
Can I touch you?
It depends how you want to do so.....
How can I find you?
Look for a tall-ish lad with a Walter White beard http://www.furaffinity.net/view/25760338/ and lots of badges. Also look out for that hero sponsor badge
Can I visit your room?
Only if I know you well and my roommates are okay with you coming in.
Can I buy you drinks?
Depends what it is you're getting me.
Can I give you stuff?
Again, depends
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Hugs I can do, but snuggles might be a bit too close for my comfort
Are you nice?
No, I'm Guru.
How long are you going?
Arriving on the 23rd, leaving on the 26th
If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Stand in front of me and flap around like you're having an epileptic fit. You MIGHT be lucky enough to get my attention doing that
Where will you be most of the time during the days?
Wherever the wind takes me
What/where will you be eating?
Probably in my room. Might go out somewhere nice for dinner on one of the nights.
Can I come with you for fun/food/etc.?
Ask nicely, bitch
Anyways, who else here is attending? If you wanna catch up, feel free to let me know.
See you guys there!
Spikey_ShadowfangInstagram Art Account!
Posted 8 years agoG'day cobbers!
I have made an Instagram account for my artwork.
For anyone who does use Instagram, here is the link to my profile below for you guys to check out
https://www.instagram.com/gangstaguruartwork/
I'm just uploading some of my works on there now.
Peace!Music Recommendations
Posted 8 years agoRecommend some music to me!
Just share any of your favourite bands/artists, or anyone who you've recently gotten into/having a phase
If you want to recommend me anything in particular, I'm fine with most genres except country and opera (orchestral pieces are fine, but none of that over-the-top falsetto nonsense with it).
Genres I particularly get into are classic rock, psychedelic rock, indie and hip-hop.
Feel free to introduce me to some different stuff though, you never know what can tickle my fancy2017: Year in Review
Posted 8 years agoSafe to say that 2017 has been nothing but an absolute mental rollercoaster for me.
After having a pretty good 2016 (which most people seems to disagree), but even so as a personal year it was great. I haven't been able to say that about a year for quite a long time in my life. But what happened in my life this year has certainly reminded me that the worse years come along with them.
The very start of the year was actually good. I went to Confurgence as I usually do each year, seems it's my home con (and the only one I can afford to attend). Bit different to how I usually spent my time there, because I was an art dealer there and I also hosted the art panel. So most of my time was devoted to talking with people about my art, some being potential customers. I finally had started to build a fan base of some sort in my own country, which is cool I guess. The rest of the time I mainly spent hanging out with my friends either in the hotel room or eating out somewhere nice. Meet some new friends, some who are now my closest friends in the fandom. It was just a really good con in general. Next years one should be great, which I'm going to be a sponsor attendee next year.
Only a week after I had gotten back was when things took a massive turn around for the worse. I found out from my dad that he couldn't afford to keep the house anymore, and we had to evacuate within two weeks. Very fortunately, my uncle took us into his place to stay.
Then maybe about 2 weeks after that, my best friend let me know that he was going to be living overseas for a year, with not much notice or much time before he left. Just a short round-up, me and my best friend are super tight. We always keep each other mentally intact to be honest. Whenever I'm in some state of unhappiness, I usually turn to him to help, and vice versa whenever he's in a bad spot. More than anything though he actually helps me learn to socialize a lot better. He probably doesn't know, but he does help me a lot. I knew it was going to be really tough with him being gone. But I knew for him, this was to help him get better (as he was going to be with his girlfriend after being on the opposite ends of the globe for over a year).
So over the next few months, my depression, anxiety and stress problems had slithered down to a very bad low. I didn't go out see any of my friends, I had lost passion for anything I loved doing, particularly drawing and music, which cause me to have a huge backlog in my commission queue (which I'm still completing to this day). I barely ever even came out of my bedroom to socialize with my own family.
My mental health had not been as low as it had been for quite some time. I've been in worse positions, but this was still pretty bad and not too far away from my worst. The main problem was, I kept blaming myself too much and I did nothing about it.
When the situation was at it's worst, I just felt like giving up everything. In fact (for those who remember) I had made a journal on here about how I was thinking of quitting drawing, quitting the fandom, quitting speaking with people. I was dead serious about that too at the time. Thankfully I had a few people to talk with who really helped me out. A particular shout out I'd have to give out to my good friend 
VicJohansen who opened my eyes to a lot of what I had been doing to myself. I was very close to ignoring his requests to help me out when he noticed I needed it, because of how bad I was. He persisted on helping me and talking to me, and in the end I'm really glad he did and that I finally gave into receiving his help. Had he not have been there, it may have taken much, much longer for me to snap out of it if I would've been able to. So for that Vic, thank you so much man. Even though you don't like people thanking you, I'm giving you this thanks and you're going to take it XP Because you deserve it, and as a friend I really feel I need to do this.
Around July, I had made a goal to myself to stop complaining to myself and to self loathe. Also made a goal to get back to being consistent with getting art done, which I'm still in progress with trying to achieve. I must do this with patience anyway, I can't expect to get back to it straight away, but I'm slowly attempting to get there.
Around August/September was when things starting going alright for me. My birthday came around, and my dad surprised me with giving me money to get a new laptop. A good one at that. For those who have followed me for a while, you'll know that I've had laptop problems going back to about two years ago. Glitching and blue screening because of a potential hardware failure deep within it's scrap and metal. But my little warrior continued to still fight on wounded after all these years. My new laptop which I use now is sooooo good. Better processor and better graphics.
September was busy as hell (for all the good reasons). Visited my mum for the first time since my breakdown and also went to my close friend's 21st while I was down. That trip was highly needed for me just to get away from things and to take a breather getting myself turned around.
Also got my vlogging channel back up and running, which was another breath of fresh air for me. Gave me a reason to explore a bit of myself.
More than anything, September was a huge month for me in sports. Don't mention it much, but I am a massive sports guy. In the third week I attend the Sandown 500, which is a motorsport racing festival. Got to see some awesome car expos, met some awesome drivers and saw Ford win 1-2-3 in the main race.
But if there's one sport I love, it's Aussie rules football. Before I got into art or music, footy was my life as a young kid. I studied a lot in primary school through books I could access in the library. Anything I could get my hands on that was footy, I got it with real intent. Not a crazed as fan like I was back then, but my love hasn't diminished. I saw my team the Richmond Tigers win the Premiership Cup for the first time in almost 40 years. Went to every single final, which costed about $500 altogether. But worth it to see my Tiges win!
Also my rugby league team the Melbourne Storm won their Grand Final too. Went to the first two finals for that, but not the Grand Final as that was in Sydney. But September was a fantastic month!
A lot of October I had spent looking over my plans for art in the future. I explored some new areas for me to focus on. Nothing too busy, but it's fine. November was pretty much the same. Spent a fair bit of time working on some large, more detailed pieces.
December was pretty good, particularly around Christmas. Went down to my mum's for Christmas, because it will be my last Christmas with her before she moves overseas next year. Really lovely to spend Christmas with family and friends this year. I needed the company and it's put me in a really good mood for when the start of the new year comes along.
So next year will have some definite positives to hopefully see.
Me and dad will be finding a new place. My uncle is looking to move fairly soon, so we'll have to look for a place even sooner. At least this will be more organized and expected when the time comes.
My best friend comes back early next year. Unfortunately he comes back on the first night of Confurgence, so I won't be able to see him come in at the airport.
Speaking of which, Confurgence will be something to definitely look forward too. I won't be dealing this year, this will be more a chill con for me. I usually like to keep a low profile at cons, as I don't really like being seen as a popufur and I don't really need or want that kind of attention.
I will be looking to continue on with my studies next year. Hopefully will start my Diploma of Graphic Design, so I can take my skills to a whole new level.
May be looking to start getting fit. Looking to go the UFC Fit Gym to, more than anything, gain some more mental and physical motivation.
There is much I could say, but I'm not wanting to look too far ahead of myself. If this year has taught me anything, it's to not expect things to go as you've planned.
I'd like to give a vote of thanks to some people.
First off, to the people who commissioned me this year. Without you guys, I'd be more poor than I was before (this would make a ripper of a rap lyric). I really appreciate your support you've given me. Also thanks to the people who have pledged to my Patreon tip jar thing so far. Never hurts to get a bit of extra coin here and there.
Thank you to my friends who have really lifted my spirits this year. You have walked with me through some pretty dark times and helped out of them. Without you, as corny as it may sound, I probably wouldn't still be here.
Special shoutouts to some awesome cobbers who's friendships really stood out this year (and please don't feel left out if I haven't mentioned you): Sevren2112 Pyndan Kly VorktheArtist Santanni Crimes RhettHutchinson VicJohansen Runa216 WhiteWolfSev Hige10 Graceful_K9 BaltoWolfStar and FURtitude
Lastly, thanks to all of you guys! I appreciate you lot still sticking with me after all that has happened this year. All the highs and lows, the delays, the breakdowns. You still put up with my nonsense this silly Kishu serves out, and I never thank you all enough for it. I honestly appreciate the support. I wouldn't be doing art commissions as a full (more like casual) time job, if it had not been for your support in the first place.
To end off this journal I want to give you all a piece of advice. To some it may be a very obvious piece of advice, but nonetheless important in my eyes.
There will ALWAYS be trials in your life. Life is like a never-ending hurdle race. The track is the main path set for you, and the hurdles are those trials that stand in the middle of it. Some hurdles are set higher, some are set lower. Some you will undoubtedly hit, but if you do not prepare yourself to jump over each hurdle or you don't expect the hurdle to be there, then it's going to hit you hard and you'll fall over just as hard as you hit it. Whenever you do fall, please keep in mind that you are always able to get back up and try again at the next hurdle. When you learn from it and prepare better, you'll find it easier to get up after the next hurdle you hit. Before you know it you'll begin to grow a steady balance, and soon enough you'll come to realize those hurdles are will only be like sticks and stones. Keep on running along that track guys.
Here's to welcoming a new year coming upon us! 
VicJohansenAway for the Christmas weekend
Posted 8 years agoHey guys!
Just letting you know in advance, that I will be away from the 22nd to the 26th of December. I will be spending time over the Christmas weekend at my mum's place.
This will be the last Christmas I'll be able to spend with her and my stepdad before they move overseas early next year, so being there for Christmas is kind of needed.
I won't be using social media, except for maybe Christmas Day. Because I'm sure that I'll be sending quite a few Christmas wishes, as well as plenty I'll be probably receiving. But any other time, I won't be answering any form of social media I usually use when chatting with other people in the fandom. So no Telegram, Skype or Discord, and I'd barely be using Facebook.
The most important part of Christmas for me, is being with family (immediate and extended), so that's why I won't be on much. I want to use my time doing what I should be doing.
Thanks for understanding, and Merry Christmas!!TMI Tuesday
Posted 8 years agoAsk away!Thank You
Posted 8 years agoI don't think I show anywhere near enough appreciation for how much you guys mean to me. Particularly the people I'm actually more close to, but even still.
I kind of get this prompting at times to give thanks, but most times I'd feel too scared for some reason.
(Again for the 1000th time) Since around October last year, I had two periods in time where my depression, among most of my other issues, had me down to such a bad level, I was just refusing everything that I loved. Had some eye opening experiences here and there that kind of added to the issue. I think at some point during the year, I just gave myself a metaphorical whack to the face, and took others advice and my own, to just move forward and stop complaining about whatever shouldn't be happening in my life. Because you know what, shit happens!
No matter what had happened though, you guys just stuck around. You have no idea how much I appreciate the support.
It's really given me a sense of motivation to try to better myself. What I've learnt is to not think that I'm only drawing to please others and that I have to make other happy in general to make myself "happy". Obviously I love the feedback I get from others, that really excites me. But I had to learn that I need to do this for myself, as well as everyone who follows me and my artwork. It's not only my profession, but it's one that I can passionately engage in. Something that I can enjoy doing as my work.
I've also had a recent surprise which had made things a little more positive for me here.
In most situations, with most artists, you'd obviously find that cleaner rated pieces don't often get anywhere near as good a reception as the more adult rated pieces. Last month I was working on a particular commission. The concept that commissioner and I had planned up, I really loved the idea and I really enjoyed working on this piece.
This was the piece, "A Soapy Relaxation" - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/25170975/
A few things made me personally proud of this piece. Not only the paws part, but one of my biggest inspirations for this was the movie Scarface, which is one of my all-time favourite movies. The commissioner had told me that he wanted his character to be quite relaxed, and for some reason the scene with him in this massive bathtub, was the first thing that came to my mind. I thought that doing something anywhere near along the lines of that was just crazy, and that my skill level couldn't produce something like a nice bath. I had done a bath scene before, but I thought it was somewhat disappointing. Speaking of which I actually found out looking through one of my Telegram groups I'm in, that one of the people who had commissioned me that piece, didn't really like it because of a few mistakes. Should've let me know if there were issues, but oh well too late now. But anyways, I decided to go with that Scarface scene as an inspiration. Obviously not the best picture you'll ever see in you're life, but it pushed me past my comfort zone to try new things (like the soapy water). Because you know, you can't ever proceed to improve if you refuse to learn new skills.
When I published this, I only thought this was only going to get about 20 or 30 likes, as most of my cleaner pieces usually do. Not that I'm one to focus on numbers or quantity in general, but I didn't expect anything massive wise in terms of reception. Within just over a day, this had over 100 favourites. This really shocked me that something like this got kinda popular that quick. This gave me hope that even a cleaner piece, especially being a piece I'm personally attached too, can attract people and gain good feedback from it. It just made me really happy.
I'm just really appreciate the support, honestly. Through my times of trouble and through my times of returning to a more positive state of mind, you've all been great. Especially my close friends, who are always looking out for me, checking to see if I'm okay or not (even if all the interaction can stress me out here and there XP).
From what all my heart can offer, thank you so much.
~GuruMy Life 2017 Meme
Posted 8 years agoWhere are you staying?
At my house
What day are you getting there?
I'm already here baby
Who will you be rooming with?
I live with my dad, my uncle and aunt, their dog, cat, chickens (Christmas dinner), fighting fish and shrimps
Who will you hang out with during the convention?
Mainly the animals, as everyone else will be venturing in and out of the con each day. Mainly to a place they call Work
What is the best way to find you?
In my bedroom, drawing away on my laptop and tablet
Are there any panels you might be attending?
I AM the panel
What do you look like?
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22354073/
Will you be suiting?
Yup, every Sunday when I'm off to church
What is your gender?
I'm the manliest man who ever man-ed the man!
How tall are you?
6'3"
Are you mated/in a relationship?
A relationship? Ain't nobody gat tahm fo dat!
Can I talk to you?
Well, you kinda just did so....
Can I touch you?
No Voldemort, not.....nowwwww
Can I visit your room?
If for whatever reason you're in my house, I'm sure you can visit my *slams the door shut, locking noises*
Can I buy you drinks?
There's some water from the kitchen tap, you can buy that for free!
Can I give you stuff?
If it's little kids eating lots of sand, then no. That stuff be cringe fam
How long are you going?
Until someone gives me a good reason to leave the premises
Will you be going to parties?
Yes! I'm usually hired by people to sit in the corner at parties and twiddle my thumbs across the phone screen.
Will you be performing?
Only thing I perform for my family is the Eating Dinner Act
If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Knockest hardly on the door and I shall evaluateth what thy intentions are
Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
Sure, this con can get quite boring and repetitive at times. Plus I have too much candy, so I'll be needing someone to get fat with me.
GLOOP PARTY!!
Can I take your picture?
So you can look at me from the inside as well? That'll have you turning in and turning 'round!
What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
To have my own place againGuruVlogs - My Youtube Vlogging Channel
Posted 8 years agoShamless, self advertising here I know XP
I'm starting up my vlogging channel again! This time it will be definitely up and running.
If any of you are frequent users of Youtube, here's my channel link below. Feel free to check out any of the videos on my channel. There will be more coming your way soon.
Channel link - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCF.....Ls4i0Nj74b4Fnw
Also I posted a new video today, which was of a hike I took up to a place called Sherbrooke Falls. So if anyone is interested how the mountain bushlands in Australia look like, then this is for you
Video link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SyCsisjJmDA
Cheers guys! Friends: Some COME, Some STAY, Some GO
Posted 8 years agoI've had one of those "And now you've noticed/realised?!" kind of moments.
I can't really put this in a way that could seem non-egotistical, so I'm going to go straight to it.
In this fandom I think it's obvious for everyone to see, that if you're an artist that's doing at least alright, you're going to have a fair few people who will want to be your friend. Some may just want to be your friend because you draw animals well, some may actually want to get to know that actual person you are and look into a proper friendship.
When you get to my position or bigger, you'll soon noticed as time goes by, little-by-little, some friendships fade away. Because you would have talked to so many people and befriended many, that sooner or later you're not going to be able to talk to everyone.
That's something I've only just clicked onto. Again, I know you're reading this (especially people who are already in this situation), probably thinking how the hell has it taken me this long to figure this out. Perhaps I was too naive too believe this kind of thing actually happens. To be honest it's been happening for most of my time here, and it's all been happening right under my nose.
There would be periods of time (I'd say about 3-4 months each), that I'd be talking to one bunch of people. By 3-4 months later, I may be frequently talking to somewhere between 50-70% of the people I'd talked to in the previous months.
I've been fortunate to have some longer term friendships that I've held onto. At the same time, some of my longest friendships within this fandom have been fading away with the last 6-12 months. I think a lot of that has to do with the issues I was facing between October last year and May this year.
I had pretty much distanced myself from talking. I felt I needed to keep to myself, when I should've been looking for help from the ones I'd call friends. Before that stage, I had a groups and circles of friends which I was pretty happy with. I talked to them on most days, we'd Skype or something. But when things happened with me later on, I just lost contact. I had meet people and here and there since, but a lot of the people I considered the closest, along with myself, unknowingly moved on. Now when I do talk to any of these people I was close with a year ago, it's awkward and the conversations are pretty much the same things said and asked each time. Also I've noticed that I'd be the only one starting the conversation with some of these people. Not blaming them by the way. Because nothing went wrong between me and this group of people. Nothing negative was said between me and any of them. We just simply lost connection, and some of these friendships I'm afraid are long gone from repairable.
What really sucks about this, is that some of these people I thought, and still think are quite awesome people. One or two I'd been friends with before either of us were involved in anyway with this community. But we've become that distant now that what friendship was there a year, two or five years ago is now very faint.
I'd wish things would stay the way they were, but here I am. That's life. Not just in this fandom, but friend in my personal life as well.
Some friends come, some friends stay and some friends go.
It's the ones that stay that you really need to treasure, or else you'll let a good thing go to waste. When all these different friends go, you'll need someone, who's close, to be there for you to keep you somewhat socially sane, no matter what the situation is.
So anyone out there aspiring to be a successful artist in this community, and for whatever reason want lots and lots of friends. Just be prepared to make some and lose some. Because unfortunately you can't have them all in the end.
September Update
Posted 8 years agoHi guys! Hope you are all doing well today/tonight
Just wanted to give an update on what's happening and what will be happening this month
I have been a little slower lately than I've wanted to be. But mainly it's because I've been pretty occupied elsewhere, particularly on the weekend.
So since I last gave a proper update, I've had my birthday, which was on the 16th of last month. I ended up getting a new laptop from my dad, which I didn't find out until a few days before. I was pretty happy about that. Since then I've been very glad with how it's running. Been taking some time with getting used to it, putting on what I need to put on, etc. I don't think I'll be trying out streaming through this laptop until I've moved to a new house.
I went away last weekend to visit Mum. Hadn't visited in about 2 or 3 months, so as usual I was overdue to pay them one. Also a had close friend's 21st that weekend, which went pretty good. Seemed like he enjoyed the night.
Returned on Sunday to spend time with Dad on Father's Day.
I haven't heard anything else from Dad yet on what's happening with looking for a place. I don't usually ask him about it a lot, just in case he gets annoyed. Plus, we have a lot happening this month, so I doubt too much progress on that would happen within the next few weeks.
In saying that, I must address that I may have some further small delays because of these upcoming events.
This weekend and the next weekend I will be away for the majority of the time.
Today and tomorrow I will be attending a couple of finals in various sports, and Sunday I will be doing a few things to do with church stuff.
Next weekend, I will be spending the entire weekend at the Sandown 500, which is a well known touring car race in Australia. I get to go pretty anywhere at this race festival with the ticket I have, plus I'll have the best seats in the house too. So I can watch my favourite drivers quite clearly.
Then the following weekend, I will be celebrating my Dad's 50th.
They're only the bigger things I have going on. there are some smaller, more private things to do which I can't explain here. So there is a fair bit on for me this month.
Anyways, I should hopefully have some new art coming some time next week.
You lot be good to each other now
PeaceCome talk to me!
Posted 8 years agoHaven't done this for quite a while.
Opening myself up to chat with a few of you guys and girls out there.
I use both Skype and Telegram (both under the name GangstaGuru). But please pick one of these though, one person talking to me on both would be a little too hectic.
Important request though: Please let me know who you are when you add me (preferably your FA name). Because if you just randomly add me and say hi, that would make things very awkward and my anxiety alarm bells will be shooting straight up. If you're adding me on Skype and do this, I will not accept your request.
Also another important request, NO creepy talk and NO RP talk please
If you don't respect these wishes, I will delete you off whichever one you're talking to me on.
I just want a good old fashioned conversation ^.^
Thanks!
Peace Sick Again! YAY!!!!
Posted 8 years agoProbably for the third time within a month, I've caught another cold/sickness/virus thing.
Won't slow my progress with working on commissions though, so no worries there.
Also I got my new laptop last Wednesday. Got a nice Asus laptop along with a 1TB portable HDD. I also scored a bargain in getting security software, mouse, screen cleaner, mouse pad and a laptop bag for only $50. Go me!
Anyways, time to molest my face with tablets and tissues again
Peace