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Getting a New Laptop!
Posted 8 years agoGot told by my dad today that he will be getting me a new laptop for my birthday.
I say, it's about time I got a new one aye?!
Not sure which brand I should be looking at though. The laptop I've have now, which I've been using for the last 5 years is an Acer. i know Acer is not the majority of people's ideal brand of laptop, but it's mostly done well for me. The issues I've had with it is for the last 1.5-2 years it's had it's times where it had been constantly crashing. I think it was due a kernel error or something from what I was reading on the blue screen errors. But it seemed to have happened mostly after I have picked it up and physically moved or carried it around. So it could've been a hardware issue that was causing it.
A few weeks ago I got a huge scare. It crashed a couple of times. After the second time, when the computer tried to start up again, it was failing to read the boot or the system. Tried again, did the same thing. Then i waited a few mins, did a few things and gave it little shake just in case it was something to do with the hardware. Thankfully it worked on the third attempt. I think the fact that I mentioned this to dad may have given him the idea to help get me a new one.
I'm very happy though my little warrior has battled on and survived for five years so far. Very much appreciated his service and loyalty to guarantee me the fullest of satisfaction it could give.
So back to deciding what laptop to get. I have looked at a couple of Acers. But people have also told to look at ones from Asus and Lenovo. I saw one particular Lenovo laptop that was pretty good. HP has caught my eye a bit. It won't be a REALLY top of the notch laptop, but something between $800-$1000 (maybe even $1100/1200)AUD.
One brand I am not getting is the Apple Macs. I can't stand them at all. I had to use Macs in the Mac labs for my course at the university I go to. They have a mind of it's own, it's cursor moves every now and then without you touch in the mouse or touchpad, and that is the least of my problems with them. I just think Windows runs way better, you can fix issues easier, you can do way more things.
Maybe some of you tech people out there can help me pick one out that's good for me. Something that runs smoothly and can run some of the art and design programs (Like Adobe, SAI) that I want to use fully, with as little amount of lagging as possible. Even with games if I decide to play them on the occasion here and there.
Some of the specs I'm looking at. The ideal laptop I'm looking at has about 8GB RAM, 1 TB hardrive, Intel I5/I7 or AMD 9 and a good graphics card.
Speaking of that, would you think it would be advisable to get a custom graphics card put in, or would it depend on what the laptop is or what graphics card it originally comes with? Because I have heard some cases of the original built in cards that feed from the laptop's memory (which isn't uncommon apparently), and it actually slows the laptop or computer down.
But any advice out there would be fantastic. Because I'm not a huge IT know-it-all, and I wouldn't really fully know what laptop would be best for what I'm using it for.
PeaceAugust Update
Posted 8 years agoHey guys, just thought I'd update you about what's happening. I know I only gave one just over a month ago, but I feel like doing one now.
Also, I'm typing up this journal at 4 am in the morning, so I linger on with things when I'm tired. Then again, it's usually always around this time when I do long journal like this. At least it gives you guys something to read.
So at the moment, things are starting to look on the up. I haven't stopped chasing that goal I set for myself last month with my art (and myself in general). At the moment I'm working on a pretty detailed piece, so expect me to take a few days to get this done up and looking good. I'm just about certain now that my motivation is fully returning. I've become more determined, more focused over the last couple of weeks. The art I have coming up to work on as well, I'm just REALLY excited to work on them. My creativity has been given the chance to really take an influence on the art I'm currently working on.
Also, once I get the majority, if not, all of my current list completed. I'm hoping to start on a story/art collaboration project with my good friend 
runa216
The concepts of the story are still being discussed, and we're yet to finalize the main plot. But we do have some sketches done. I'm looking forward to getting this project underway whenever that day comes. I'm sure it won't be too far down the track.
In the outside world, I'm starting to look for work. All I need to do is to still fix up my resume a little, and then I should be feeling a little more confident with handing it out to even more places. I did have plans to go and do further education. But I feel I need to get this out of the way first. I'm 22 in 12 days, I really need to start to set myself up for my future. Need to have myself be financially stable, so I can live more independently. Not looking too far ahead, but if that goes all to plan, I may go on to look at doing the next course I need to do. Maybe even move out from living with my dad. But that won't be still for a while yet.
Speaking of my dad and I, there is a couple of reasonable items of news concerning the situation we've been through all year. I now have an estimated time of when we'll looking to have our own place again. At this stage it'll be either September or October. Dad didn't plan on staying here at my uncle's place any longer than six months (which it now has been), so it's getting close. I've actually been starting to look at some places. There is a particular area where there a few good places up for rent. It's near the town centre, which pretty much gives me access to everything. Train station, A LOT of shops, gym and leisure centre, take away/fast food places if I'm feeling too lazy to cook, nearby parks, police station if needed. All them pretty much under a kilometre away.
Before we really look into it though, we'll be getting a new car first. So yeah, we don't exactly OWN a car. My dad has his work truck, but that belongs to his workplace. He can't really drive it outside work hours unless he needs to. I think he's looking for a cab-chassis type of car, so he can make plans to get his own business started. I hope he'll get something like a Ford Ranger or a Isuzu D-Max, they're good reliable cars.
I've been start to get myself out of the house and getting myself to talk and hang out with friends again. That's actually been helping me get out of a social block, which I've been suffering from for most of the year. It's taken me a bit to truly realize the good friendships I've been blessed with today. I'm learning to appreciate them a lot more, and to not be afraid to talk when I feel that I want or need to talk. Because it helps me get better, to become more happy.
And as I mentioned briefly just before, birthday is in 12 days (on the 16th). Again I'll make this clear. There is no need to get gifts for me. I don't hold any special privileged titles that makes me deserved of receiving any. My friends, family and all I already have is a great enough gift. Plus I'm turning 22, so all the big birthdays will be behind me for quite a while. Relaxing will probably be the birthday schedule for the many upcoming years, and to be honest I'm quite happy with doing just that.
Anyways, that's all I have to talk about tonight. Hope you are all doing well and keeping yourselves safe. Hope your families are doing well. Hope work and studies are supporting you enough and that you're enjoying them enough to continue on with them. Hope life will treat us well this month
Peace
runa216Possible Art Theft
Posted 8 years agoNow this is a somewhat annoying situation I'm in.
One night I was browsing pics on my phone, while I was in bed. I saw this one pic which looked awfully familiar, but it definitely looked traced. Then the next morning it came to me that it was one of my pics that I was thinking of.
This is the original artwork - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15626424/
There is no maybes or am I sure it was this. It was 100% this piece that the person had copied. It was pretty much just a lineart drawing, but it was absolutely traced over.
Stupid me though, didn't click into the link where the submission was, which was DeviantArt. Only excuse I could possibly give, is that it was really late at night and I wasn't bothered enough from being so tired. Didn't want to think much.
Today I had spent hours trying to look for it, going through my browser history, looking through anything I had searched for in Google Images and DeviantArt for the past few weeks. And I don't search a lot on there, so it wouldn't have been overly difficult for me to find it.
But I couldn't find it unfortunately. Hopefully the piece has been deleted for whatever reason that may be.
But I'm still going to ask you guys for a little help.
If anyone knows of the copied piece in question, and/or the artist (plagiarizer) who was behind the piece. Please let me know who that person is. Do not personally make contact with the individual, leave that to me. All you can do for me is report the submission, maybe leave a comment BUT PLEASE MAKE SURE IT'S THE RIGHT PICTURE.
It sucks when you find out others copy your own work. I'm not going to let this go, I want to get to the bottom of this.
How are we doing today?
Posted 8 years agoDone much? Any plans for the weekend?RIP Chester Bennington
Posted 8 years agoNot many of you may know, but I am also a mad music fan. I'm also a musician.
I admire many bands/groups and artists for their musical talents like Red Hot Chili Peppers, KISS, Hilltop Hoods, Foo Fighters, and a few more. But when it comes to lyrics and being inspired to write the lyrics I have done through my life. None have been more inspirational than Linkin Park.
The thing that got me into them, wasn't so much their music (as great as that is). But the vocal talents of Chester Bennington was what really got my attention. The words he and Mike put to paper were just magical, and really tugged those strings inside of me.
Not only were Linkin Park one of my favourite bands, but my favourite album of all time, Hybird Theory was done by them.
There aren't many albums at all that I can say that I love and listen to EVERY song on an album. Hybrid Theory is one of those small few.
I'm not overly sad that he's gone, because I believe that we all go to that better place when we pass on. But I do feel some amount of emptiness now that one of my biggest inspiration is no longer here.
So in memory of Chester, here is my favourite song of Linkin Park's (from Hybrid Theory) played live. Absolutely recommend people to give this a listen.
RIP Chester Bennington, god bless.
TMI Tuesday
Posted 8 years agook 1 2 3 ASK AWAY!Other place you can find me as well as Fur Affinity
Posted 8 years agoJust incase people bypass the contact info section and others, here's some other places that my content can be found, as well as the more social places I can be found.
ART SITES
Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/gangstaguru
Primarily used as a tip jar I guess, but I do post things like earlier submissions, Full Res versions and WIPs of personal and fan art. I actually posted a WIP there today. There are 6 tiers ranged in between $1 - $15
Feel free to check it out!
Inkbunny - http://www.inkbunny.net/gangstaguru
My next most active site behind FA.
Usually post things here on par timing with my other sites. What you'll find there is what you'll find here.
SoFurry - http://gangstaguru.sofurry.com/
Same as Inkbunny, same content posted there.
Weasyl - http://www.weasyl.com/~gangstaguru
Also the same as above. just another site just to spread my name out a little further
Furry Network - https://beta.furrynetwork.com/gangstaguru/
Same thing
DeviantArt - http://gangstaguru.deviantart.com/
I only post my clean stuff so most of my best stuff won't be on there.
SOCIAL NETWORKS
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/GangstaGuruOfficial/
For those who follow FB pages, feel free to check out mine. Like DeviantArt, I'm keeping it clean. Particularly because I have family members watching this page too.
Twitter - https://twitter.com/gangstaguru123
Becoming a lot more active on there. I usually post random tweets and some occasional photography.
Instagram - GuruVlogs
My main photography channel.
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCF.....Ls4i0Nj74b4Fnw
GuruVlogs, my vlogging channel. Slowly starting it up, hopefully will get into the full swing of it soon enough.
Telegram - https://telegram.me/GangstaGuru
One of my two usual sources to interact with people.
Skype - gangstaguru
My other main source of social contact. I'm a bit more careful with how I go about with people adding me, so please let me know who you are when you're adding me on there. Otherwise I WILL NOT accept your request.
Discord - gangstaguru#3930
Not as active on here, but I do regularly check here and there. Usually for gamers, and I'm not much of a gamer at all.
There you go, there is all the places you can find me.
Update
Posted 8 years agoG'day! I thought I'd give you guys an update on where I'm at
General
I'm doing a fair lot better. I've tried taking a fair bit of time to self-reflect over myself, giving some time to myself. Put down some things I really need to put a foot down on. So far it's worked for the most part.
Me and my dad are still staying at my uncle's place. When we are able to look for a new place, right now is unsure. We need a couple of things to happen before we can start looking. Hopefully that won't be too far away.
Also, I may have to get one of my wisdom teeth taken out. For the last few months it's been cracking and the whole front side has crumbled away. If something cold touches the gum above that tooth, it just aches and it stays for hours. The other day I couldn't fall asleep until about 6am. I have insomnia, but rarely has trying to get to sleep itself ever been that bad, for any reason. I kind of hope I don't have to get any of the others taken out, because they haven't had any problems whatsoever. But if I have to, I'll have to let it happen.
Art
I know I've said this for months and months that I think I'm getting motivation back, yet I really didn't get anywhere. Now I'm at a point where I'm just about sure that I am making bigger improvements on getting that motivation back.
With the due commissions I have, I'm currently working through a plan I've made up. What I'm doing is doing all the rough sketches done for a fair number of them. I found I'm more likely to be motivated once I've got at least a rough sketch done for it, so I know what I'm working off from. Most of these ones I'm sketching are for the Confurgence commissions. Might do a couple more sketches before I send out these rough sketches for those I've done. Some of you might be thinking, "Why didn't I just do the sketches earlier then?!". Well I need motivation to do those sketches, which has been the troubling part. My creative juices however have had a lot of good ideas for the last few days, so I've had quite a few done, as well as some for myself. But I do want the commissioned pieces to be a way bigger priority. I have a few things I've sketched up that I love already. Hopefully with finding good things from what I'm producing, can help find that motivation even more.
One other thing I've done though is kind of interesting. Really opened my eyes to maybe a big part of my mental struggles concerning art motivation.
I started looking through my older journals and older submissions. Not so much the pictures, but the communication and what doing the artwork meant to me.
Back when I was really into making sure I was constantly doing art pieces, I really loved doing it. I couldn't care less how many hours I spent working on a certain piece, whatever else was on. I just wanted to draw.
My main inspiration was seeing what you guys got out of it, how it made you feel, what you like about it. People enjoying my characters I created. Especially those who wanted one day to become an artist themselves, or who were already on the way. It was really nice to see I could be some kind of light for people.
I think what had changed was I focused too much on not wanting to disappoint people, instead of just embracing the excitement of looking forward to seeing what it was others would get out what I do. Whether it was good or bad, I was excited to see what people thought of it. I turned it from excitement to fear.
What really annoyed me about having this come to mind, was that I had been telling people to not worry what others think of their work. Quantity of attention shouldn't be an issue to artist. I'm sure we've all had that feeling go through our minds, that we feel we have to make something worthy of getting a lot of attention or positive vibes. As long as it meant something to that person alone, and to the people who truly support them and what they do, it shouldn't matter. Be excited for every project they work on. I think right now I'm the person who really needs to 'do what they preach'. I'm usually too stubborn to not think of others. I usually feel like I'll be selfish. But if I don't do what I inspire others to do then I'm a liar, and I would be lying to everything I originally wanted out of doing art. So I think it's about time I need to pull my finger out my arse, and start to be true to myself. Because when I feel I can't do things, to lose faith in myself and I point fault at myself too much for my troubles, THAT'S when others will be disappointed.
I've always been a person who's a firm believer of goal making. So people, my goal is to come back and come back better. To focus on the aspects that I used to focus upon when my mind was in a good place, and to stop putting myself down for anything I feel I can't do for myself or others.
Stay golden
PeaceHi
Posted 8 years agoHow are you all doing today/tonight?
Done anything fun?
Asking me for Gift Art
Posted 8 years agoThis year I've had a few people (not a lot, but a few), who have asked me whether I can do a gift art for them. Most of these people are friends of mine, so don't worry I'm not having any randoms asking for free stuff.
I'm going to make myself blatantly clear about this.
PLEASE DON'T ASK ME TO DO A GIFT PIECE FOR YOU
I'm not saying no because I don't want to do anything free for anyone. I've done gift art in the past. It's because I don't think it's exactly polite to ask for things.
I do gift art because I like to show certain friends of mine, my appreciation for our friendship and how much of a good individual they are in general. I do them when I feel I want to do something for someone.
When people ask others for a gift, I'm sorry but it is a tad rude.
Obviously there are people who ask their friends to do a gift piece for them because they're friends and all. Some artists don't mind it when their friends ask, and they're fine with accepting it and doing something. I'm not here to judge them and whatever choice they make. But with me, I just find it a little rude when people coming expecting gifts because I'm their friend.
If you're asking a family member you want something specific for Christmas or your birthday, that's okay, though it probably would be more appropriate that they're asking you what you want instead of you going to them, expecting something from them. You give each other gifts each year because you obviously have love for each other.
I'm not a family member though. Not meaning to sound like a prick, and I'm sorry if I am to you. But I don't want anyone to expect something from me.
Whoever it is, no one is automatically entitled to get you something whether it's family or friend. You're not 6 years old, you shouldn't expect things in life. People give because they love someone and they want to show their appreciation.
It's a little something called being charitable. Doing something without being asked, and not expecting anything in return, it's best form of giving something to someone. When someone you know doesn't expect something that's given to them, you see that they're really happy, and you can tell that they then recognise the love they have is proper, not expected love.
But a pre-warning without trying to escalate this too much. If you're wanting my friendship, just so (you think) you can get some occasional free art from me, you need to turn around and find someone else to do that to. I've been used by plenty of people in my life before and it hurts. But I'm not so easy to get past anymore because of that, so do not play that game with me. Because I'll shut the curtains down in front of you, along with whatever "friendship" there was before you have the chance to apologise.
I know people that have asked me are probably going to read this, and then they'll either get upset or they're going to bash themselves up for asking me in the first place.
Please, DO NOT come to me saying "Sorry for making you mad :( :( :( drops ears".
I don't want that, I'm not mad or upset at you. If anything, saying sorry will get me annoyed. I just want people to not be so expecting of others. I hold standards high of having good manners in general, I usually try to be very polite in whatever situation. If there is anything I do expect, it's I expect others to be the same way with these things. I just hope this sheds some certain lights with everyone.
Whenever my birthday or anything comes around, you've seen I've asked people not to do anything for me. I do not see myself as someone with a higher title because I draw and such. To be honest that's the reason why I wouldn't ever want myself to be known as a "popufur". I am a person who is as equal as every single one of you. I don't really want things from others or even think about it. Having someone's support and friendship is good enough for me, and that's the greatest gift itself. To share experiences of friendship and I wouldn't want anything else in the world but to do just that.
Peace
TMI Tuesday
Posted 8 years agoAsk away!Am I a Feral or an Anthro person?.....
Posted 8 years agoTo be honest, I see myself as neither/in between the two.
When growing up my favourite movie and my favourite show were primarily about feral form animals.
Also for about the first 2 or 3 years of drawing stuff here, I usually had drawn ferals. But the more I've gain attention the more people have asked me for anthro artwork(to no one's surprise), which has slowly made me appreciate the anthro side more and more.
Now I'm either side of the tracks. Most of my characters usually take an anthro form. It's what I'm more used to drawing nowadays. But I really adore a lot of the feral art I see from other artists.
So I don't really take either side here. They're both as awesome as each other.
Peace!Understanding Who I Am
Posted 8 years agoHey guys
Um, I'm kind of going to dive into some deep talk here.
Firstly, I really do thank every single one of you who've supported me in the last half a year (or more). Through my mental issues and other problems as well, like the whole having a house thing. Still haven't found a place, still living at my uncle's. All together it has made everything I try to do, really hard to mentally bring myself up to doing. I just feel I'm going nowhere at times. I never really leave the room I'm sleeping in, I just keep to myself. If it weren't for you guys helping in whatever way you have, I may not be here.
Now I want to talk a little bit about a part of me, that I feel I need to let you guys know about, so you can understand me better.
First off for those who don't know, I suffer from mild-to-severe autism. I was diagnosed when I was about 2 or 3, so I've had to live with this for all my life. Along the way I've also suffered and have been diagnosed with other issues such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, multiple stress related issues and some small others, which probably made more vulnerable for me to get because of my autism.
Now I'm not in anyway saying that any of these things I have, physical or mental are of some burden. I hope that I can one day hopefully be a light for other people to see that they can fight through having disabilities and illnesses, to be strong. To show that it can be a positive thing.
Now I'm going to talk as briefly as I can about my past.
What I've struggled a lot with in my life is being able to socialize. I'm not talking about the actions of talking itself, Ich spreche wunderbar! But more so understanding what people speak about, what people like to talk about. Understanding things like humour, sarcasm and seriousness, sadness. I used to do things kids wouldn't do like flap my arms around excessively whenever I get excited, smell people's feet and plenty other things which I'd somewhat cringe at (haha!).
I found it very hard to make friends during primary school (for those peeps who don't know how Australian schooling systems work, its grades prep/kinder to 6), because of the troubles I had. I got bullied quite a lot, physically and verbally. One point where I overheard some describe me to be somewhat an animal (and ended up treating me like one). Plenty of people two faced me and used me for the own amusement. It got so bad I attempted to kill myself at the age of 10. 10 bloody years old! Kids my age shouldn't even know of those things or how to do that.
I only had a couple of friends while there (only one of them I talk to still today who I've known now for 15 years).
So I struggled with being able to be a normal, functioning kid, because I didn't really have anyone half the time to socialize with and adapt socially.
My parents argued a lot, and they never really asked me about my problems, and I never asked them to help me. Probably because I never wanted them to know about it and spread sadness. Half of the time though they were sad or angry towards each other for the most useless of reasons.
When I got to high school (grades 7-12), I was fortunate enough to have both of my only friends attend the same school. Through them I had made other friends and for once I actually found myself in a place I was comfortable in.
Then my parents got divorced and I had to move with my mum, because for some reason I wasn't allowed stay with my dad, due to laws being a bunch of bull with custody things.
The new school I went to turned back to what I'd suffered in primary school. But it was A LOT more physical. Got bashed a lot, spat upon, people spat on my locker, pour stuff inside it. I got hit with crutches and bats. People were harassing my girlfriend at the time with messages I'm not even going to describe (who I knew from my first high school). Teachers couldn't give a rat's backside either. The church I go to, they have the youth activities once a week. For that first year at that ward, I wasn't getting along with anyone. Picked on there too, to the point where I broke out at people and smashed a glass door.
I just wanted to leave and go back home permanently instead of having to go there every 1/3 weekends. But I couldn't
I ended up getting urges again to kill myself, only to be stopped by my grandfather.
For those who know me well, 2014 or earlier. You may remember me at times talking about my grandfather. Now my grandfather was someone I looked up to more than anyone else in the world. He was so humble, respectful, happy, understanding. One thing that he does was that he tell things as it is. He pretty much sat down with me for a few hours, talking me out of what I was wanting to do. He taught me some very valuable life lessons over the years which has kept me here. One thing was to try and be positive no matter how bad people treat you. I know a lot of people may wonder how that works. But it did for me eventually down the path. Unfortunately my grandfather passed away almost 3 years ago, but I always treasure the example that he set.
I ended up leaving that school after a few years. I made that decision. I wanted to start fresh, to have one more chance at trying to adapt myself to somewhere. Just after I left, my best friend of about 6 years decided for some random reason to stop talking to me. I have no clue why to this day, but back then it hit me really hard. Got me thinking I can't even keep my best friends.
I moved to a private school, a catholic college (more so a Christian school, but had it's catholic things. I'm not Catholic btw). It was the best choice I've made to date. I met some really awesome people there, including the person I call my best friend today. I did alright with trying to become better with socializing. I moved there when I was 16, so kids were at that age where they'd be starting to mature in behaviour. I had people pick on me here and there, but somehow most issues got solved. I made plenty of friends, but I'd usually just hanging out with 1 or 2 or my closest friends there.
So because of the difficulty with social skills I had growing up, and my autism in general. I'm what you'd call an introvert. A pretty severe one at that.
I struggle with wanting to talk with people now, after years of wanting to learn to socialize better. I feel more used to my own thoughts and maybe people I'm really close to IRL. But besides that, it can potentially stress me out at times to chat with someone.
A lot of my life at home I spent in my bedroom or somewhere away from where everyone else was. I wasn't all up for talking with people a lot. I just wanted to keep to myself, do my own thing. Ever since I moved down to my dad's place in 2015, I've kept to myself even more. I had my course and such, but I usually keep to myself outside of that. My best friend is currently living with his partner in Europe, and I find it hard to talk with him nowadays. On social media I'm barely ever the person to start a conversation. I'm not even a fan with talking for long stages, or constantly talking. I don't like talking in group chats to be honest, because I never really have much to pitch in on the conversations. I don't know what people usually talk about, and I'm not the type to go, "Hey, can we talk about things I want to talk about!?". I just think of people who do that as selfish and rude.
Lately I've been having about 5-10 people, mostly (if not all) people in this fandom talk to me every day. I've noticed it's probably been more so because of my mental health, and probably checking up on me to see if I'm okay. But that gets REALLY stressful for me. When there is too much conversation I usually just want to walk away. Not because I dislike people or anything. But it just gets to stressful for me to talk with people. But I don't, because I feel rude if don't respond to my friends. But now I'm starting to do that, just to give me some time until I'm ready. I've also started leaving some group chats lately because of reasons listed before. If I'm not talking much, what's the point of being there. I'm still deciding on some others (that some of you out there may be in), and if I do leave please understand it's nothing negative towards anyone. I just don't want to be in a group and do pretty much nothing in it, then having people wondering why I'm not saying anything or being rarely active.
So this is all I'm wanting you all to understand. I may not respond to people straight away as much, I may not be online as much on social media. I'm not trying to push everyone away from talking to me. I don't bite at all. I just feel I need time to myself to un-stress myself. When I get to a certain point when I'm stressed, I usually end up sitting in my chair doing nothing, thinking about nothing, but at the same time I feel stressed as hell. It can take up to an hour or two before mind is at enough ease.
I'm trying to un-stress myself so I can focus on doing things I need to do. I may even be looking to get some professional help one day. I don't know when that will be, or if I can afford it. But if I get the strength to go forward with it someday, hopefully that can help too.
I know this is a lot to read, and I don't know if many people understand me or anything. But I just wanted to let you guys know that.
Thank you to those who have read all this. I hope you can understand enough, and please understand that this isn't anything bad. I'm just explaining how I am as person, just so others can understand how I am naturally.
PeaceGet to know Guru (meme)
Posted 8 years agoI don't mind doing these every now and again. It's something to do anyway
- Name: Corey, but everyone in the fandom calls me Guru.
- Single or taken: Single since I was 15. Not really interested or uninterested to be honest. Just kinda neutral.
- Gender: Male. The mainliest man who's ever man-ed the man!
- Birthday: August 16th
- Sign: Leo
- Hair color: Brown
- Eye color: Teal/Green
- Height: 6'3"
- Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: Straight
____________________________________________________________________________
S P E C I F I C S
____________________________________________________________________________
- What kind of shampoo do you use?: Along as it cleans my hair, it doesn't matter what it is.
- What are you listening to right now?: Nothing right now, but the last song I heard was No Rain - Blind Melon
- Who is the last person that called you?: Mum
- How many buddies are online right now?: A fair few
____________________________________________________________________________
F A V O U R I T E S
____________________________________________________________________________
- Animal: Tasmanian Devil or Tiger
- Colour: Red and purple
- Drink: Ginger Beer
- Element: Water
- Food: Lasagna
- Game: Shadow of the Colossus
- Movie: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
- Song: Recapturing the Vibe - Hilltop Hoods
- Subjects in school: Music
- T.V.: Family Guy, Overhaulin', Ridiculousness
____________________________________________________________________________
H A V E | Y O U | E V E R
____________________________________________________________________________
- Given anyone a bath?: No
- Smoked?: Yuck, no
- Bungee jumped?: Hell yeah!
- Made yourself throw up?: Nope
- Skinny dipped?: Nope
- Ever been in love?: Yes
- Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: Probably when I was little, like most little kids do at some point in their lives
- Pictured your crush naked?: Yes I have, but shouldn't you be asking if I HAVE a crush first before assuming we all have one?
- Actually seen your crush naked?: No
- Cried when someone died?: Yes
- Lied: Who hasn't? I try to be as honest as I can.
- Fallen for your best friend?: Nope. Not into men, so that wouldn't happen
- Used someone?: No. As someone who's been bullied and used by a lot of people in my life, I wouldn't like anyone to feel that way via. myself.
- Done something you regret?: Yes
____________________________________________________________________________
C U R R E N T
____________________________________________________________________________
- Clothes: Blue shirt, black tracksuit pants with white stripes down the side and some zebra stripe underpants
- Desktop picture: A brilliant commission I got - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23260337/
- CD in player: The last CD I played was Seven Mirrors - Drapht. That was sometime last year though
- DVD in player: I haven't used a DVD for quite a few number of years. Don't watch many movies.
____________________________________________________________________________
L A S T | P E R S O N
____________________________________________________________________________
- You touched: In a non-sexual way you mean? If so, my dad while I was trying to move past him.
- Hugged: A close friend
- You kissed: My ex before she moved away.
- You IMed: Funnily enough 
Wolfkaiser
- Talk to online: I think it was either 
Santanni or 
Crimes
- You sexed it up with: No one
___________________________________________________________________________
A R E | Y O U
___________________________________________________________________________
- Understanding?: I try to be.
- Open-minded?: Can't say I am
- Arrogant?: I don't think so.....am I?
- Insecure?: Yes
- Random?: Probably
- Hungry?: Just had dinner, so hunger has been quenched
- Smart?: In general, I'd say I'm very neutral/average
- Moody?: No
- Organized?: Not generally
- Shy?: Yes! I am a very big introvert. But if someone does start to talk to me, I'm not the type to just leave them silent.
- Difficult?: Neutral
- Bored easily?: Yes
- Entertained easily?: Not really
- Obsessed?: No
- Lazy?: Kinda can be at times
- Angry?: No
- Happy?: Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
- Hyper?: Not really
- Trusting?: Mainly with people I know fairly well
___________________________________________________________________________
R A N D O M
___________________________________________________________________________
- In the morning: Sleeping
- Love is: something I find hard to recognize at times
- I dream about: Random things I never remember
- What do you notice first in the sex you're into: Personality, eyes and their hair.
___________________________________________________________________________
W H O
___________________________________________________________________________
- Makes you laugh the most: My dad
- Makes you smile: Friends and family
- Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: No one
_____________________________
D O | Y O U | E V E R
___________________________________________________________________________
- Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: Nope, don't have one of those special someones you speak of.
- Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: Probably not.
- Wish you were younger?: No actaully. Considering my childhood wasn't that great at all, I can honestly say I'm in a better position now than I was back then
- Cry because someone said something to you?: Yup, but that was almost 10 years ago (12 years old).
___________________________________________________________________________
N U M B E R
___________________________________________________________________________
- Of times I have had my heart broken?: Yes. Plenty of times when people use me.
- Of Cd's: 14 I believe
- Of scars on my body: One on my thigh and one on my head.
- Of bones I've broken: Broken both thumbs and had a broken and dislocated ankle.
- Of car accident you've had : None so far
Wolfkaiser
Santanni
CrimesNew Vlog
Posted 8 years agohttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ECNGQWVRhQ
Very random one with not much in it
Feel free to check out my other videos and my Youtube channel itself as well
Thanks!Six months of unchecked notifications...
Posted 8 years ago.....now all checked over and deleted
I CAN MAKE THIS JOURNAL BECAUSE I CAN! DON'T JUDGE MEH! I'LL BARBECUE YOUR FIRST BORN!
Nah jokes, I love you all Anyone know any artists that are good to chat with?
Posted 8 years agoUmm.....yeah
Bit of a strange and awkward question of me to ask, I know.
However I have been advised by a friend of mine to try and make more artist friends. Mainly to help me out as an artist, because I apparently don't ask for help much at all (which is pretty true, I'm a stubborn git).
I'm not talking much about asking for advice on how to draw certain things and such. But more so for two reasons;
Firstly, I'm really in need of motivational help. I am still struggling with having much to draw unfortunately. Nothing really to do with my own personal issues anymore, it's just I can't get that urge still. That is a big problem. So I guess I'd like someone to talk with that has quite a bit of experience as an artist and dealing with these kind of situations.
Secondly, I just don't have much people to talk with at all about....well...art. Not just about certain pieces and artists we like, but actual art talk. I feel it's just one thing I'm really missing when trying to talk with people in this fandom. I don't have a lot to talk about in common with others. I have had a couple in the past, but I just seemed to lose contact with them very quickly and I don't really hear from them again afterwards.
Most people, bar a few, that I talk to in this community are usually fans of mine. I've never really ever talked to anyone I look up to or any bigger artist. I kind of get the feeling as if it'd look like I'm mooching up to them because of their status if I tried to.
So I can't just go up to an artist and be like "Hey there, you draw too! Can you be my friend????"
If I did that, you may as well call me Tickle-Me-Elmo.
But in saying that, I'm not wanting to talk with the most popular furry artists you could find. I just want someone who's got experience at the very least and open to chatting about these things. I don't really want just one person either. I don't think I'd want to keep going back to the same person, it would get annoying. In ways this is me asking for help here. I'd like different artists to talk with from time to time
If you know me, talking to people I haven't talked to before is nearly always impossible for me to have the guts to do by myself. Especially if they have a bigger status as an artist or whatever it is they do. Anxiety, autism, stress related issues, they do not help. So saying "Just talk to them", will not make any difference.
I'm not pushing my current friends aside, I just need people to talk about these things with. I just don't know any artists who's available to chat. I definitely know some people have ties with others, so if anyone can help me with this I appreciate it.
Again, it is really weird of me to request something like this, but I feel this is the best option at this point to get help with what I need helping with.
Thanks!Patreon
Posted 8 years agoI have made one
patreon https://www.patreon.com/gangstaguru
I will make one thing clear. I will NOT being keeping any full images as Patreon only. I don't like the idea of putting paywalls on my art to see them altogether. It would be pretty unfair to a lot of people
This is more so just to see things a little earlier, and some additional things like WIPs to personal projects. Also to use as a tip jar kind of thing.
So yeah, feel free to check it out whenever you want. If any of you decide to become a patron of mine, I gratefully appreciate the support ^.^
Peace
patreonTMI Tuesday/Wednesday
Posted 8 years agoIt's that time again
Ask me anything!Sick
Posted 8 years agoI had a feeling from the last two days that something seemed like it was coming up
Today came around, and I suddenly got hit with a sore throat, lots of coughing and a heavy chest. Not very fun.
Hopefully I can get over it by Saturday, but I'm not liking my chances right now. I'll be relying on cold and flu tablets, lozenges and some juice to fix it up asap.
Hope you're all having a lovely day ^.^Feeling a bit better
Posted 8 years agoHey guys, how are you all doing today.
A bit over a week back, I wrote a very hectic, full on journal concerning of my art and more so myself. I was in a place where I had completely fell out of happiness. I was just not in a good position in general.
The main stem of the reason I felt I had no love for what I do, where I was at, etc. It was because I just don't like myself that much. I have had plenty of moments where I just for some reason decide to be too hard on myself, and start to bash myself with words. Last week was pretty bad.
I understand some people were fearful for my life, and to be honest you weren't far from getting that right. I wasn't having suicidal thoughts, but death thoughts. Could've been worse but that's still not good thoughts to be having by any means.
Thankfully I had a good friend in the fandom (you know who you are), who was very persistent with wanting to talk to me that next morning. I'm very grateful for him not giving up on me, despite me trying to continually be down on myself.
And anyone else who did try to make me feel better in any shape or form, I thank you guys as well.
I'm very sorry to those who I'd made upset through those feelings I let out last week. Whether that was if I hurt their feelings or if they got really worried, I shouldn't be putting people in that position. I keep promising I won't spill any negativity on here, but somehow I keep managing to screw that over.
I won't be leaving the fandom, lets put it at that.
And I'm slowly but surely building up some motivation back. I will be doing more personal art, so that can help me to hopefully turn this from needing to draw to wanting to draw again. This means I will be slow with the current commission/trade list. I'll try not to be too slow, but I need to give myself time. Because if I go back to try to dedicate my time to work too hard for others, it's just going to bring me right back to where I was. One of the things I'm afraid of is disappointing people, and the longer I am dwelling within those emotions, the more I actually tend to disappoint. Half the time I don't even see that.
So I hoping I can get some good material out soon and also hoping I can be a little more cheerful.
Cheers
The Honest Truth
Posted 8 years agoI can't keep this away any longer, its driving me bloody insane.
Remember that journal I posted I few weeks back stating why I've been slow. Well I haven't told you all of the truth. Not saying anything I mentioned was a lie, I just didn't mention one thing that's been going on. Something I probably should've mentioned way earlier, and probably been the biggest factor.
I'm just going to be blaint with this.
I've lost my love and want to draw.
It just doesn't make me happy anymore. It's just has been that way for the last couple of months.
I want things to be back to what it was, but I can't do it. I feel drawing not only for other people, but even for myself is now a big burden. One big fault in me which I doubt will ever change, I avoid things which become a burden. Burden brings on pressure, which I can't deal with at all. Pressure instantly triggers my stress and depression in a bad way.
Like today, I tried streaming for the first time in a couple of months. Spent four hours on there, half of that time I just sat in my chair, inches away from breaking down. I almost did that last night, as well as many other nights in the last two months. I've been put on pressure to finish the commission I'm currently working on. And to be quite frank, the person who I'm doing this for has every right to do so. At the same time though, it's narking up what's been keeping me from put the pen to pad, yet I really want to get this done for this guy. But I'm struggling to, because I don't want to draw. I've been even feeling physically sick as of late when working on drawing (whenever I have the strength if there's any of that left in me).
I do not want to disappoint people, that's something I've done for a lot of my life is just being a big old disappointment. But I'm really in trouble. I don't want the love for this to diminish, but it has. I want to get it back, but I'm lost in finding any way to do so. To be honest, I can't do this by myself, but I'm not willing to have other people do things for me. There have been times where I've just about had enough and just want to refund everyone their money and pack my drawing tools away forever.
One thing that's probably not helped, is not having much other artist friends to talk to. The very few artist friends I do have I feel I've asked too much to the point where they don't want to deal with me and my problems anymore. People have either not taken me seriously, not wanting to talk to me anymore, saying they don't know what to do, or I've just plain lost contact with them and I feel as if I can't go back and start talking with them again. I haven't really bother to make friends with other artists, just because I feel I'm not good enough to talk to them and that I feel like as if I'm mooching off them. And if any of you guys read this, and don't want to ever talk to me again, you may do so. Knowing how much my opinions and feelings seem to hurt people as of lately, its becoming a norm for me now so it's not going to do much but damage myself more.
I've kept myself from speaking to anyone within the community because of the same reasons. I just don't want to bother having people not being able to deal with me anymore. I've avoided social networks to try and help this, but it hasn't.
So I'm going to do what I can from the current list, if I can. Hopefully in wishful thinking I can finish off most of what's there in whatever time that could take. If I come to a point where I absolutely can't do anymore because I'm a gutless quitter, I will refund what I can.
And just a heads up, if I end up deciding to quit drawing altogether. I'm probably going to cease my involvement within the community period. Because if I'm not drawing, I'm not worth much to people here.
Sorry
TMI Tuesday
Posted 8 years agoAsk away thy questionsTMI Tuesday/Wednesday
Posted 8 years agoAsk away thy questions! I'm open to anything
Apologies for being slow (There is a reason for it)
Posted 8 years agoFirstly I like to say sorry for being slow on art, especially to those who are awaiting art from me.
Things have been really busy for me in the last month.
One of those reasons being because of my dad and I getting kicked out of our home about a month ago, now living with my uncle's place temporarily. Within the time from now and then, we have been so fortunate with how much support we've gotten from different people. Many people helped us move our stuff, people brought gifts over, took us out for dinner, did service for us without us even asking for it. The term miracle can mean different things to different people, but I've seen this as a miracle. Without having supportive family and friends, who knows where I'd be living right now. Another miracle that happened was the birth of my niece. I've been down to visit her, and it's an awesome experience.
The other reason is more so for the last couple of weeks, maybe more. I've tried to get my social life and skills back on track. To be honest, since not longer after I moved back down to the city suburbs (start of 2015). I have kept myself really reserved in my own space from the real world. Perhaps a bit too much. It really hit me towards the end of last year that I was struggling mentally to keep the friendships I had, just from not really talking anyone else at all. Even my best friends, where it got to the point where they were worried I wasn't wanting to hang out with them anymore.
I think especially with how much the course I was doing previously, brought back a lot of my depression, a lot of it stress related this time. Feeling of stress, fear of failure and such just prevented me to want to associate with anyone, and that has been really damaging. Plus I had a couple of minor mental breakdowns around October/November if any of you remember how depressive I was then. That certainly did not help me out at all.
So over the last month people may have realised I haven't posted as much, drawn much, held or visited much streams, talked on social media, etc. I haven't lost my passion for drawing, but I have been taking quite a few breaks for a good reason I guess you can say. What I have been doing is trying to reconnect myself with friends and family more often, and re-learning to have that want to hang out and talk with other humans again. More than anything, I'm trying to improve my mental and social health. I can't keep myself closed up to people who mean more to me than anyone in the world.
Also, with me starting a Vlog channel, I'm hoping I can find some way through this new challenge to help me be more happy with myself. Gives me something to appreciate about my life, a chance to be more adventurous. A chance to let myself be me without my anxiety getting in the way as much.
So please don't think I'm completly ignoring the artwork that needs to be done. I am doing them at a slow pace. Right now, the thing I'm concentrating on most is getting myself to be happy again. Might seem a little selfish, but nothing is more important for ANY person, than their own wellbeing.
Thanks for being understanding 