Hey friends!

I thought long about it and I decided to stop posting my works here. I just don't feel comfortable publishing my work here anymore.

Tbh it was great here and I will visit the side from time to time, so if you want to contact me you can still reach me.

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(some worts btw.):
I know that many things happened over the year and it began with the turn from 2020 to 2021.
I found new freinds over the year. I improve my drawing skills and people are more interestet in my drawings than before.
Short time ago I reach the 200 follower on Twitter and I'm really happy about it ^^

Sure nothing is perfect and I saw some stuff and meet some people I don't like. But I found my fun for drawing again in this year and I'm sure I can live with some bad moments, or I ignore it to feel myself better.
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I will stay reachable here for notes. But if you want to see my stuff, please follow me there:
https://www.deviantart.com/ghostth9 (SFW)
https://twitter.com/GhostTH39 (SFW)
https://twitter.com/Ghost__NSFW (NSFW)
https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/37945485 (SFW/NSFW)

Technicaly I have Discord too but I don't give the name and the number for it to everyone. You can ask me directly but I decide who I give it and who not

Good then have a nice time ^^

There has been a lot going on in the last weeks. Perhaps one or the other has noticed that I upload nothing, or I am not so active.

I'm working on an art trade, which I pause for now, because my partner has no time for his work and he feels bad if he can't show me anything. I understand that and pause the work on it.

Beside that I have 2 other sketches I can work on it, and I also have some ideas I can try.

Then a little update on the drawing of Linna for RilexLenov. I got the chance to talk with Rilex, and I also got to do another drawing of another character of him (so for no reason just for fun). On the one hand I'm really happy that he's even excited about it (at least that's how it reads), but on the other hand I'm having time problems and the upload of new drawings is taking a big break now.

But that can't be changed. See you when I upload something again. Until then have a nice time

I want to let you know something. I will only do gift work if I want to do it. Since my last drawing, this has gotten completely out of hand. First, I didn't feel comfortable myself. Second, now others want to see a drawing of mine. One of them even tried to make the person bad and wrote me about a rumor.

This is not how it works. I just want to say that I make my drawings in my free time, I don't have that much of it in the day. But I try to get better and have fun with it. It's not fun when you talk others bad to get a drawing.

Please be nice to each other and please don't beg for drawings.

I saw it once again more. My drawings look much too stiff and are anatomically wrong. I see it myself as I feel little life in the creatures I draw. I am glad that after a long struggle and changing my own content I decided to join a Discord server. And right after that another one, from people I think "they know what they are doing". So far I've learned everything by seeing, understanding and implementing (maybe even imitating). So it could be that many points you see have already been perfected by other artists. But in the second server I have found a corner that focuses on tutorials, this is extensive large and will probably take weeks until I have completely worked through it. And really learn from it. Until now I am willing to learn this extensive compilation completely. I want to learn and accept this gift from many people who have taken care of it.

I want one day to transfer my thoughts pictorially on paper or .png(s) without feeling strange about it. I owe it to myself

I think I'll stay with the current Pokemon content, at least for now. I've also worked out a few details so far, Ruby's hairstyle will change for the next picture. I know there would be no reasonable reason for this change, but I like it better then the old one.

Especially since there might be an Ask Blog about Ruby and Freezer soon. If my performance remains then so mid-February, if not then so March or April, reason for this is that I want to continue my comic to take away the first misunderstandings.

Until then I hope you like the little story.

(Please no fanarts of Ruby and maybe Freezer until the opening of the Ask Blog, there are still some things to be mentioned that are secret until now. Thanks)

I will now tell a lot of things, my being there as an artist, or just something about me. I've already written a huge text like my life as an artist was before, so I'll skip that.

I as a person am little socially acceptable, I often question other opinions of my fellow men. Humor I usually differently than many expect from me, and if someone tries to do funny who does not know me, then I also usually have a problem with it. I like to separate myself in an environment I don't want to be in, then again in an environment I want to be in I don't get in, so also here. Do not get me wrong, many of you I also like but I am also quite peculiar.

I feel thrown off track every day because a little thing is enough for that. I am the kind of person who prefers to do things alone. I like to play video games, I like to draw and I like to drive cars (in real life and virtual). But I don't want to be 100% sure what I want to do, so I try a little bit. I like car racing games the most, followed closely by drawing. I would like to go more in the two directions if there is not the problem of time.

I know I have room to improve in drawing, I know so many artists that I want to surpass one day. Driving or simulated racing though also but I was in the top 20-50% in F1 2019 (depends on the track). Also in The Crew 2 (which is online) I was able to beat many drivers with skill alone, and even in a large event of 50,000 players I was among the top 6,000 (there were also more in it, but in The Crew 2 it's more about upgrades and points, which I was missing in an event. With these it would have been even the top 3000).

But for me it's about my fun, I have fun playing when I'm not permanently thrown off my game, or when I don't have to do any science to notice a certain progress. That's why I hate Dark Souls, I've never played one of those and it doesn't feel good. Celeste doesn't feel good either, the game gives me the feeling that everything is placed to punish every mistake. The evil Madeline boss was too long, the levels are all too hard for me, I didn't care about the strawberries, etc. I sacrificed my weekend for the game, and in the end it wasn't worth it.

Back to the drawing.

I want to learn it, but most of the time I don't have any ideas, or my sketches are terrible. Often I'm just scared... afraid that someone will make fun of my art (not that there isn't a reason). Then I also don't want to be labeled as "he's just like everyone else", in short I don't want to be underestimated, at the same time my nature prevents me from making more of myself. Maybe I have to think crosswise, but in the end it's pointless. Not that anything would change now. Why should it? Nevertheless, the last sounds like a problem that can not be solved, and that for years.

Besides, I just feel guilty about many things. DA, where everyone follows everyone else and you don't have a real fanbase that likes your art, which I haven't done since Twitter. Plus I've often been mean to other people who take their actions for granted, expecting me to do the same. I've broken off entire contacts there because I just didn't feel like the way I was treated there, and in some cases others. One of the biggest things I witnessed was the theft and alienation of my image that I made for someone else. And in retrospect I feel bad about the way I approached him, even though it was nothing and he did it for that person too.

I want to have a conversation with the big ones one day. Artists that I've been a fan of for a long time, or that I want to learn something from.
RilexLenov, Rainbowscreen, KenjiKanzaki05 or LittleHope (on Twitter these days), Thomas Fischbach and possibly many more. And I feel sorry for those artists I can't support because I don't have or can't use the means like Patreon.

In the end, none of this matters. And those artists will never read this. I just wanted to get it off my chest, hopefully you can understand what I mean.

I hope you are doing well so far, even with your hobby. I wish you another beautiful day. And thanks for reading

I'm so sorry. I didn't forget to upload the pictures, I didn't want to make it more exciting. I had less time than expected yesterday and had to cancel the upload.
Then after I would have had time again, I had headache (so bad that I had to sleep first).

I didn't want to keep you waiting

Okay 2 days later and I work on a Pokémon art. It's the same problem like the last time I draw a picture. I don't think the Pose and the proportion are corect but I will try to do it better next time. But first I finish this in the next days (yup next days, it's a 3 versions pic, this takes time)

https://twitter.com/GhostTH39/statu.....488321/photo/1

Btw. I need ideas for the background. Please write me some of your Ideas.

Decide right now if you want to read the text or not. It will not be about whether new drawings of mine will appear.

I know it's a long time ago that something comes from me, it is questionable that people still know me.

I am in an existential crisis, my life has changed, like many others this year, involuntarily. Things that I would rather do, now I can't do. Friends I haven't seen in ages I can only hear from a small electronic device called a cell phone. All because of my most hated word this year (even before the pandemic).

I get too frustrated about this, in a year where I should be celebrating. I've become an uncle, got a driver's license and a car, a new job, and lose all the stress of my old life. The bad stuff before has become bearable, but the nice stuff has been ruined for me. My familiar surroundings were senselessly taken away with no prospect of recovery. I asked myself several times the question "What is wrong with the humanity?". Even on the subject of driving a car in which I am already looking forward to my life is plagued by idiots who put others in danger or almost drive into me and my car becomes too to scrap. The last one is not a joke, I'm already glad that it did not happen, but it was close.

Now to the drawing itself.

The missing of my time is no longer surprising, so I'll spare you that.
I have lost my "talent" for it. It may sound absurd but I can't manage to make a good drawing anymore. I already had plans that it was my content and I would have to change it. But even then it didn't help. I try many in my freetime, nothing is good. Nothing will work. I'm frustrated about this.

I'm on a point in my life that I will give up drawing and do something other. Maybe I'll do it or not, it's no matter. I would tell you (who read this) whats going on behind the silent scene. Frustration about myself, or better now a kick for myself in the right direction.

And some Final words, now I have a Nintendo Switch with 4 games (what a shocker, I know) but I play completely offline because I hate updates, I'm done with this year, Late Marry Christmast to you guys and early happy new year. See ya next year (hopefully with new content or my end as Artist)

Oh yes, Halloween is still around. I didn't get my planned drawing for Halloween finished. I will still upload pictures, on the one hand the drawing I did at a contest on DA last year, and on the other hand a concept sprite from my RPG Maker game which I will stop developing.

I'm currently working on a game myself and when the lockdown comes I can work more on it (even if it's only the sprites at the moment)

This as information from me to you. I wish you a happy Halloween

I write a few stupid lines here about things that have been bothering me for a long time.

My life is plagued by people where only a few words or one action is enough to dislike or hate them. Believe me that some of these people did enough to make me angry, best if they didn't think about their actions for a second.

In such cases I am usually happy to have something like video games, television (almost not anymore) or internet. A big focus was on racing games like Formula 1, which I actively watched from 2010 to 2013, and I had a driver there who I consider my idol, Sebastian Vettel. I guess everyone of us knows something like that. But then in 2014 you experience the fall of your idol and I stopped watching Formula 1, but I still played the old video games.

My return to Formula One was also only through the video game F1 2017, but this happened in 2018 and when my interest was reawakened I watched the 6th race of the year, the Monaco Grand Prix. I was also surprised at what happened to teams like Toro Rosso and I became more interested in their junior, Pierre Gasly.

That's so far what you need to know, I'm actually aiming at something else.

The World Champion was from 2014 Lewis Hamilton (except 2016), I didn't like him as Seb's rival anyway, but it didn't matter because Button was skilled and beat him in 2011.

Hamilton is the most lucky driver in Formula 1, he was lucky in the last race in 2008 when Timo Glock had problems keeping the car on track. 2013 he was lucky that Niki Lauda chose him for the Mercedes cockpit. It doesn't take much to beat his teammate, just that it was easy for him. He is also the one who has always driven with competitive Mercedes engines. But Mercedes didn't have to give Lewis the seat either, because Rosberg was able to drive close to Lewis.

Meanwhile Hamilton is unrivalled, Bottas is not able to keep his pace.

But what I have listed up to here is not the reason why I hate him.

The tactical games he plays over and over again. For example: telling over the radio that he has a problem and then at the same time he turns the fastest round. Constantly saying that the safety car is going too slow, only to go too slow at restart, and then other people take the wing off, and his famous useless steering wheel trick, which I didn't even notice until someone said that.

He also interferes in the affairs of other teams. To explain, Red Bull swapped Gasly last year with the junior Albon who had driven 12 races in Formula 1, which seemed stupid to many (and later was) because Kyvat was better than Albon. Then one year later after Gasly's 2nd place in Brazil and 1st place in Monza. Said Hamilton to Red Bulls Hellmut Marko they should exchange Albon for Gasly. Sounds not bad at first, doesn't it? Then Marko said in public that Hamilton said the same thing a year ago, only that Gasly should be replaced. I don't know how much Red Bull listened to him, in fact they did.

How shitty it must be if your career depends on a driver who can't be involved in the thing. By the way, Hamilton shot Albon twice where he had a chance for a podium, his only chance until Mugello

But I am not interested in racism here either, that is bullshit anyway. It also has its sense as he actively fights against it and I have nothing against it, but I find him characterwise unsympathetic and meanwhile not changeable.

But everybody has his own opinion about it, and I don't want to change yours. I just want to get rid of something to finally get it off my soul, since there is no end in view for him anyway.

I know this has nothing to do with art and I hope for your understanding.

Sometimes I think "I'm a bad artist". All my works are weird, non-proportional or boring. Sure, practice, practice, practice. But what is the sense of words if I have just 2 hours a day to learn and then forget everything after 22 hours?

I feel alone in my hobby. I have no help with anything.

I think I've gone blank mentally. I just can't find inspiration, and all I can think about is the bad things about drawing.

I continue my break, but this time indefinitely. I have to go back on my own or I'll just leave it...

For good reason I don't promise anyone a drawing, I only disappoint the people I promised. But others do it to me, thank you very much. I'm not waiting for a drawing anymore, I don't want to be disappointed again and again.

People from DeviantArt think they can do what they want

I'll be brief. No new drawings until January or February. My last chance to draw has now been destroyed by an illness. I'm angry at it. Nothing happens at Christmas anyway and the rest is planned. (I know, short and simple) But thanks for everything friends, and sorry for my absence. You know, illness...

Damn it, I feel like I've never been so destroyed right now. I've had enough for this year, but unfortunately I'm not finished yet. My picture still has to be finished

My art in short: I go to the cinema "The film is cool, now I'm going to draw", start the next day with my drawing "That's going to be really good this time, better than the last drawing". Make changes until the next day and color everything, the next day "Holy sh*t how am I supposed to do that. Oh no I just make it worse. I need a break".

Is that only me or do others have this problem too?

In any case I need help

I'm a simple German draftsman who makes digital drawings. I am not professional or learned, but I have been drawing digital for 2 years (with longer breaks).

I'm originally from DeviantArt where I stay active for a while, I was recommended this site by a very friendly and nice person so I'll try it out.

Don't worry if I don't upload anything, I usually don't have much free time.

And if you have read until then, many thanks to you.